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The sound of spiders dying fills his ears as he goes through the motions of the mindless, repetitive task. Killing spiders- waiting for more to spawn, killing them again and rolling his luck on the enchanting table.
It takes his mind off his recent conversation. (it's not particularly recent anymore, it's been a couple days, but he's done little than sleep since then and it's still all he can think about). He turns slightly while waiting for the spawner to churn out enough spiders and out of the corner of his eye he sees- a figure? A shadow?
When he turns to look he finds nothing there. He would've thought it was an enderman save for the fact it'd been a lot shorter than him. Glitch chalks it up to his mind conjuring things in the dim light of the room.
«—»
It gets more frequent over the following days; he criticises himself for the increasing paranoia. This day, he's farming; he looks up, and to his surprise Sparrow is watching him from the end of the valley. He doesn't know how long she's been there. He doesn't quite know how to react. He attempts to speak, his voice even more coarse than usual with how little it has been used - it hasn't been used at all since he last talked to her.
"You're back?" He hesitantly steps towards her but fern doesn't move, doesn't talk, doesn't do anything but stare blankly at him, pale yellow eyes staring through messy hair. Her stare is blank and distant. And when he gets too close- when he blinks too long- she's gone. Flare startles at the disappearance. They had no armour on, so did plant take an invisibility potion? Did she only come here to taunt them, to rub his regret back in his face?
Was she ever there at all?
«—»
The figure continues to appear in the corner of his eye, he learns to recognise it as Sparrow. He knows the figures are just his mind playing tricks on him but their constant appearances force him to acknowledge how much he misses them.
«—»
He starts to see her more often as he works on his gear, going from sleeping through most of his days to not sleeping at all. Sometimes fern's just a shadow in his peripheral vision and sometimes he can properly see her, on those occasions (that gradually get more and more common) he lets himself soak up their presence, tracing his eyes over their face, trying to burn her features into his memory.
Sometimes gold speaks to them, tells them that he misses her, that he's sorry. For all the things he said, and for taking too long to understand. For taking so long to comprehend that she cares about him that he made her give up. He pushed her away.
He eventually forces himself to stop speaking to his delusions. Instead trying to ignore them, as if he can force himself into believing that he doesn't miss her and that he doesn't care because- at this point if he doesn't convince himself of that, he will just hurt (he hurts anyway, he aches and aches to be able to feel their touch again, feel their hand in his, feel their head leant into his shoulder, feel their wing loosely curled around him).
«—»
She appears again, as they're emerging from the cave, this time in his house, sitting on his bed. He rolls his eyes, muttering under his breath. "I know I should sleep, but I have things to do."
"Why?"
He jumps at the noise. Her voice is sad, with hints of anger. It echoes throughout his mind. He stumbles over his words "I- Sparrow? Is- Are you real?" He pauses, looking at them, running his eyes over the face he had looked over so many times. She looked real (she always looks real, plant never is)
"Why are you all the way out here?"
"I- I don't know- I- I'm scared. I really missed you- I- I'm really sorry for what I said last time." He tentatively reaches out to her, trying to take her hand in his.
The figure disappears.
Gilded's heart drops, he knew they weren't going to be real. His eyes fixate on the empty space she used to be and chokes out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob.
«—»
He begins to hear her voice more often after that, echoing words from their conversation - almost a week ago now - they begin to follow him when he tries to walk away. She doesn't walk, and still doesn't move their mouth when fern talks.
She stands in the corner of the spider spawner, something that has become a habit for Gilded, their presence is unsettling, but he's used to them looming. Their voice is harsh, angry and full of malice as they speak. "I hate you."
It catches Gilded off guard. While he was previously trying to ignore the apparition, his head snaps to look at them. She looks back, gaze no longer blank and distant, but now angry.
"What?" He asks, voice dripping with disbelief. She had never said something knew before, their words previously only echoes of things the real Sparrow had once said.
"I. Hate. You." She repeats slower, more deliberately- responding to him. His heart races, his breathing turns shallow. He clambers up the ladder, trying to run, trying to get away from her. She doesn't follow him this time and gods is he so grateful for that. He collapses on the floor of his house, fully hyperventilating now. He clutches his shirt, his heart feeling light with its sporadic attempts to pump blood. His hand grabs at his mask, it had never impeded his breathing before- but now it felt like they couldn't get any air in.
It doesn't know how long he sits there before she appears again. This time in the doorway, she walks over to him, crouching down in front of him. He scrambles away, until his back hits the chests. She doesn't move from her crouched position.
"Breathe." She says. Their voice sickly sweet, drifting into his mind. It's all he can think about, she's all he can think about (her, how much she must hate him, how he yearns for that kindness they once so easily gave)
Glitch does what he's told, carefully paying attention to each breath it takes, slowing down his heart rate, and eventually his breathing returns to normal.
By then she's long gone.
«—»
One time they appear, she stands by the place his valuables chest is buried. Her hand beckons him over, and he doesn't even try to ignore her. He can tell what she wants, it's obvious. Gilded stares at the few sunflowers left in its valuables chest.
"What about them?" He asks, his voice quiet and slow with fatigue.
She doesn't respond but he knows what she wants him to do (he knows what he wants to do, an idea that crept into his mind just the previous day. she's nothing but an extension of his mind anyway.)
He sits on the path of his little valley, Sparrow his hallucination looms over him as he attempts to weave the stems of the flowers together. Ten seems to be the perfect amount to make a full crown, though the crown itself is far from perfect, it's messy and delicate. Gilded is very careful as he places it on his head. He turns back to her, she lingers for a moment, staring at them with that blank stare gold had become so used to, before promptly disappearing.
«—»
The days feel like weeks, and the week feels like a whole month. The entire cycle feels like it drags on forever. Gilded goes back to ignoring the Sparrow figure. Every time plant speaks to it, he tells the figure that she isn't real. Repeating it to himself, until he believes it.
(Her words don't fall on deaf ears though, everything they say he takes to heart, absorbing the cruel words his brain conjures for him like he knows he deserves)
Sometimes, on rare occasions, fern shows him comfort. The kindness he knows she gives so freely. The kindness he desperately wants to feel again. He knows this isn't real either, and sometimes he lets himself entertain his insanity. But most times he does what he always does. Deny her existence- because he knows she isn't there. And he knows she's never going to come back for him (and he knows that he will never deserve that kindness from her again. Not after he tried so hard to push fern away)
he knows he isn't worth it anyway.