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Eddie is caught in a free fall. That, at least, is what it feels like.
Down it goes, fast but somehow too slow at the same time. Down, down, no end in sight. Feels like he should’ve crashed minutes ago, but still, he keeps drifting, floating, falling. Swiftly swaying like a feather in the wind, violently twirling like he’s caught in a hurricane.
Lost in contrasts – no sense for where is up and where is down, caught somewhere in the middle of a blissful nightmare. His insides churning, heartbeat out of rhythm – he feels cold and hot and it’s all too much.
But then why can he hear himself begging for more?
There’s a gentle beast eating away at his insides while angels sing a song of damnation, underlining this heavenly torture that makes him giddy; giggles and cries fighting for freedom in his throat.
This is fucking crazy, Eddie is going fucking crazy.
It shouldn’t mess him up the way it does; he’s had sex before, this isn’t new. He knows the way deft fingers map out his skin, searching for the spots that make him wince and whine and wiggle. He knows the feeling of cool air and hot breath mingling on his spit covered nipples, sending sparks of pleasure into his nerve endings. He knows what it’s like to have need coiling in his gut, desire expanding into desperation that makes his body feel too small for all the sensations it houses.
And yet, everything about this is new. New and different and so much better than anything he’s ever felt before because it is their first time together like this. The first time he has Steve’s fingers digging into his sides so deep, his nails might break skin if he keeps going. Might leave bruises if Eddie wishes for it hard enough.
It’s not the first time they’re both shirtless but it’s the first time they’re shirtless on Steve’s bed. And while they’ve been kissing for some time now, it still feels new to open his mouth to let Steve’s tongue inside, summoning Eddie’s inner demons who oh-so-willingly accept this dirty dance request, blindly following his moves.
Maybe it’s the fact that, after all this time starving, Eddie’s suddenly served up the perfect dish to satiate his hunger, despite him being the one presented on the silver platter, waiting to be devoured.
Undecided if he’s hunter or prey, Eddie is helplessly chasing himself, trying to catch a breath while he’s grasping for hold, fumbling, flailing. Tumbling down a rabbit hole, where it’s warm and bright and the world is alight with invisible sunbeams setting him ablaze from the inside out.
Maybe he’s dying. Maybe this is what being reborn feels like.
And maybe he’s said that out loud because Steve chuckles, the smile on his lips leaving a ghostly imprint on the side of Eddie’s neck where they linger, placing barely-there-kisses on this soft shell of his body that does fuck all to keep his soul from oozing through the cracks he didn’t even know were there.
“Steve, I-“
There are words trapped somewhere in the back of his mind but they’re written in a foreign language Eddie doesn’t know how to read, let alone speak, so he breathes instead, lets out this pitiful noise, this fragile little half-whimper, half-moan that doesn’t sound like him at all. Or maybe it does now because-
Because the old Eddie Munson is dead. Long live Eddie Munson – the new one, the reborn one, the one who gets to touch Steve in ways he never thought possible.
The one whose hands don’t burn in shame but rather tingle in excitement when they trace the curve of Steve’s perfect ass. Whose fingers don’t need to ask for permission to grab and play.
The Eddie, who is allowed to let himself go, to shut off his mind and let his body develop one of its own under Steve's guidance. Losing himself in the lovely, teasing way Steve moves on top of him – feline and snakelike, somehow both at the same time – curling around him, face buried deep in the crook of his neck, nosing at his skin, licking his way down the long line of it just to make Eddie squirm. Leaving dampness behind that causes him to break out in goosebumps with each exhale that tickles his skin.
“Steve, baby-”
Baby.
How easy they’ve been sharing this name. As if they had never called each other anything else.
“Can you-“
Breathless, he waits for the other man's eyes to find his, hands coming up to cup Steve’s face on either side. He isn't sure what he wants to say, not sure what he's about to do, only that he needed a break, needed Steve to stop the trail of his mouth for just a moment, or else he was going to break, combust, fly too far away to find his way back down.
“Everything okay?” Steve asks, voice ridden with concern that reflects in his eyes, too. Suddenly looking so soft despite how hard he still is where their bodies absently grind and move, seemingly unwilling to stop what they've started.
“Y-yeah, sorry just-“
Head empty, brain malfunctioning, heart racing so fast it must be unhealthy, Eddie struggles to find the right words to say – what is he even sorry for?
It's not his fault that he’s so fucking high on adrenaline right now, that the can barely keep himself from vibrating out of his skin. He feels itchy, wants to shed all of these outworn layers that cover his flesh and bones, wants Steve to slice him open and rearrange his insides to make space for all the new, divine things he makes him feel.
Throw out all the old and banish the dark, paint him with light and decorate him with roses – bright-pink and with heart shaped petals. Something soft to contradict the surge raging where he feels too much at once, for too little room.
“I just... needed a moment,” he offers, smiling shyly at the beautiful man in his lap.
His beating muscle can't keep up pumping blood through his veins, down to where it’s demanded. Where Steve’s straining against him. Where they are mirror versions of each other, unable to hide what their bodies are longing for. Heat and arousal pooling in his lower half when he welcomes Steve's downward grind as he leans in for another kiss, a slower one, almost chaste compared to the ones before.
The taste of shared cigarettes and soda is still clinging to both of their tongues, and Eddie wonders if he'll ever be able to smoke or have a coke again without getting a hard-on, because that flavour will forever remind him of Steve now.
“Sorry, am I going too fast?” Steve asks and before he even finishes the question, Eddie’s already vehemently shaking his head.
“Want you,” -so much it scares me.
Eddie keeps the second half to himself, would rather choke on the words than say them out loud because he doesn’t know if this is too much to admit. If they’re at the point yet, where they can just drop truths of the heart so easily. They’ve barley even-
No. They haven’t made any real confessions at all. Not the wordy kinds, at least. Didn’t have time for that kind of conversation because it all happened so unexpected and fast. Words haven’t really been much of an option since then so they let their bodies do all the talking.
“Want you too, Eddie. God, I want you.”
With his lips back on Eddie’s, Steve doesn’t give him the chance to say more, and maybe that’s good. Maybe they don’t need to speak right now.
If Eddie is really lucky, and this is not just a glitch in the matrix, they’ll have time to talk later. After. When Eddie’s brain is back online and his thoughts stop revolving solely around the pulse in his cock, still trapped inside his boxers and jeans, yearning to break free.
They kiss, hands never leaving each other’s bodies for more than a second. Steve’s hips keep rocking back and forth, deliberately dragging his hardness over Eddie’s in agonising motion, slow and far too gentle, and it drives Eddie mad.
“Steve,” he begs, hopes he understands, hears the urgency in his voice.
Eddie needs more, so much more. This isn’t enough. How could it be enough when every cell in his body, ever part of him down to his soul is screaming for Steve’s touch. Not the touch of hands gliding up and down his torso, not the touch of fingers carding into his hair, gripping tight – it’s all good but it’s not the deep kind of touch Eddie is dying to feel.
“Fuck me, baby. Please.”
He sounds pathetic but he doesn’t care; he’ll beg if Steve wants him to. He’ll do anything, anything at all, if it finally gets him what he wants.
But Steve denies him once again, shakes his head hesitantly and has the audacity to smile at him so sweetly, Eddie can’t even be mad at him.
And- okay. Maybe Eddie is the one going too fast now. Maybe this wasn’t what Steve intended at all when he started... all of this. When he suddenly pulled Eddie close and kissed him without warning. When he let his hands wander from his neck down over his chest, gently touching his heated skin after nearly ripping his shirt in half to get him out of it. When he climbed into his lap, lips not parting once while he rubbed their clothed dicks together until they were both impossibly hard.
He must’ve known how much it would turn Eddie on and maybe that was part of the plan – doesn’t mean Steve wants to go all the way. Or maybe he did but doesn’t want it anymore?
Maybe he’s scared, too. Or maybe-
“Baby?”
Eddie blinks up at those hazel eyes that have bewitched him whole, makes a questioning sound.
“Where’d your head go?”
“I, uh-“
“If that’s not what you want, we can, um. I can fuck you, if that’s what you prefer.”
There is a deep red blush tinting his cheeks, and he looks to the side as if to hide from Eddie’s gaze. It is as endearing as it is confusing because Eddie still doesn’t know what they’re talking about.
“What d’you mean prefer? Prefer to what?”
Finally, Steve seems to catch on.
“Oh. Uh, I- I asked you if you- I mean, only if that’s what you want.”
Eddie wraps his arms around Steve’s middle, shifting his weight so he can sit up with Steve still in his lap.
“Hey, look at me,” he commands, gripping Steve’s chin so he has no chance but to look at him. “Sorry, I must’ve spaced out a bit. Didn’t hear what you said. But you can tell me. What do you want, baby?”
Steve’s eyes are heavy with lust, and Eddie thinks he must look exactly like him with how fucking gone he is for the man on top of him.
“Would you-“ Steve starts, levelling himself with a deep breath before he continues, “I want you to fuck me.”
Eddie’s brain short-circuits and he gasps involuntarily, must look so stupid with his mouth agape and his eyes blown wide but fuck, what?
This is not at all what he thought Steve would say. Ask. Want?
“Are- are you sure? I, uh, I’ve never-“
They’re taking turns blushing now, it seems. Because Eddie can feel the heat creeping up his cheeks, ashamed of this half-hearted admittance, not fully spoken but it’s too late to take it back now.
It is true, after all. Eddie has never been on the giving end of things. Has never been given the choice but never really questioned it either. Thinking that maybe his partners knew better – that he was made to take rather than give.
But for Steve, he’d give everything.
“If- if that’s what you want, too?” Steve adds, voice so small and unsure, so different from the man whose greedy mouth didn’t ask for permission before sucking every last breath of air out of Eddie’s lungs when he kissed him.
“Want it. Fuck, baby. Want you so much, too much.”
This slip of words is all the warning Steve gets. One swift move is all it takes to bring Steve down and lay him on his back, Eddie’s fingers instantly busy undoing Steve’s pants.
“Eager, are we?” Steve teases but the grin tugging at his lips vanishes as soon as his cock spring free from its confines, makes way for an open-mouthed moan when Eddie closes his lips around him without hesitation.
“F-fuck, Eddie! Slow down, baby, ohgod!”
He could, if he wanted to. Could take it slow and easy. Make Steve wild with want from dragging his tongue slowly along his shaft. Could suck his balls into his mouth while dragging his thumb over the slick tip of his cock just to tease him. Could – instead of pushing his own limits by how far he swallows Steve down – make a show of licking long, wet stripes up and down his length.
But the thing is, Eddie doesn’t want to slow down. Wants to lose control while having been given the upper hand, now that he’s allowed to. Now that Steve has offered himself to be taken so recklessly, so dangerously.
Eddie is raging with lust, can hardly contain the low growls forcing their way out from where Steve’s length has sunken deep, his throat constricting around the welcome intrusion, voice vibrating against the swollen tip blocking his airways.
“Ed-ah fuck! Eddie, please!”
Oh, how the tables have turned, now, that Steve is the one helplessly begging for something Eddie’s more than happy to give.
Driven by the sound of breathless whimpers, Eddie finally moves, allowing his own lungs some relief when he slides off Steve’s cock, leaving wet traces where saliva is dribbling uncontrollably from his parted lips, chasing the slickness with the pad of his tongue.
Beneath him, Steve is trembling, crying out his name in a way that puts any siren song to shame – so sweet and soft and spellbinding. Eddie knows he’ll never come back from this, knew it long before it even began.
With his right hand, he continues the loving assault on Steve’s cock while his tongue goes on its own adventure, dipping low, lower, until he reaches Steve’s hole with the tip of it.
From somewhere above he can hear the other man keen, feels muscles shake and clench when he uses his free hand to push Steve’s legs further apart. Something coils inside him, sending another wave of greedy desire coursing through his blood stream when Steve bows to his silent command, offering his most vulnerable parts to Eddie, pliantly bending his knees to let him see and feel and taste.
Encouraged by needy pleas, Eddie flicks his tongue again and again, uncaring of the spit-dribbling mess he creates, makes hair and skin shiny where he licks and sucks, savouring this new taste in his mouth.
Sucking dick is fun but this? This is different, better in a way, because here, at the centre of his lover’s body, beneath a hint of soap and clean skin, it’s like his flavour is purest. Filling his senses with nothing but Steve and it makes him feel high.
He loses himself in it, feels like his mind has taken the backseat while his instincts take over, his own body’s movements subconsciously led by the sweet response of his perfect boy’s moans.
“Baby, oh God. Need more, please!”
The growl forcing its way out of his throat doesn’t sound human at all and Eddie feels like he’s turning into a wild beast at those words.
“Yeah? Want me to stuff your pretty hole with my cock? Make you full of me?”
Christ! He doesn’t know what came over him, what possessed him to say that out loud. But Steve doesn’t seem to mind, answers with a pathetic little whine that goes straight into the leaking tip of Eddie’s dick.
“Please, Eddie! Want you inside. Want you to fuck me!”
Take me, make me yours, Eddie hears in his mind when he watches Steve desperately writhing in the sheets, still bent in half with his throbbing cock now straining useless and forgotten against his stomach.
It takes everything out of Eddie not to curl his fingers back around the swollen tip of Steve’s weeping hardness, not to press his greedy tongue back against the place between his thighs – if Steve wants more, he’s going to do this the right way.
“Patience, baby,” he drawls, a sardonic grin on his face when Steve’s eyes fling open, two shiny doe eyes staring back at him.
“Gonna give you what you want. But you gotta be good for me while I’m taking my time with you.”
Another whimper breaks free from the other man’s pretty, plush lips and Eddie can’t not follow the sound to its source, licking behind teeth, deep inside where Steve welcomes him with a violent clash of tongue and hot breath, capturing Eddie’s mouth in a needy kiss.
It’s ridiculous how powerful it makes him feel to have Steve’s body trembling beneath him, unconcealed desperation leaking out of every pore, showing in every move, resonating in his voice – it’s like Steve doesn’t even try to hide it, doesn’t mind letting Eddie know how much he wants him. How ready he is for Eddie to take him apart.
Not wanting to break the mood, Eddie doesn’t ask Steve to point him in the direction of the lube he knows must be stashed somewhere in his bedroom, just goes straight for the bedside drawer unashamedly, biting down a content sigh when he blindly finds what he’s searching for, eyes not once leaving Steve’s.
He sits back on his heels, one hand roaming over the plane of Steve’s upper body while with the other, he opens the bottle’s cap before tipping it upside down, squeezing the plastic until a string of translucent gel squirts out.
Steve startles when the cool slickness hits his skin, hands digging into the sheets beneath him. His thighs are shaking with effort to stay in place, not to rob Eddie of the view he’s offered. Watching amazed as the lube trickles from Steve’s balls down into the cleft between his cheeks, covering the tight, clenching ring he can’t wait to stretch open.
“Eddie,” Steve moans and it sounds close to a sob.
“What is it, baby? What do you need?”
Steve’s cheeks are bright pink, just like his ears, and the blush doesn’t stop there, covers his neck and his chest, too. It’s a beautiful sight, watching his boy turn all shy and sweet, looking up at him through eyes blown wide, teary and so full of want.
“Want-“ Steve starts but whatever he was about to say gets swallowed by a moan when Eddie drags two fingers through the slickness between his thighs, spreading the lube around his hole with circling motion.
“Didn’t quite hear you. What do you want?”
Steve lets out a disbelieving huff and Eddie can’t stop smiling like an idiot, feels cocky and maybe a little bit mean for playing with him like that.
“Y-your fingers. Inside me,” Steve presses out before another whine spills over his lips.
“Is that how you ask for what you need?” Eddie scolds him, buzzing with delight when Steve groans, all faux frustration put into the sound while his body betrays him, shows Eddie that he secretly enjoys the teasing with every throb of his cock. “You’d think a sweet boy like you should have better manners.”
Eddie is having way too much fun, wonders how long he can draw this out before Steve’s last string of patience will snap.
“Ah! Fuck. I’m sorry, Eddie. Please, please, I’ll be good!”
And, okay. Maybe it’s Eddie who’ll lose his composure first. Because that really does it for him. Hearing Steve plead for it, not in the mocking way he somehow expected but actually begging, voice all weak and soft, sounding like he’s already close to losing his mind – this is fucking hot. How could Eddie deny him anything when he’s asking so nicely?
“There’s my good boy. See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” he says, hopes he can keep up character enough not to give away the overwhelming excitement vibrating in his own voice.
He doesn’t know when exactly the switch had flipped but it all comes so naturally now, this new side of him. This role of him being in charge, playing this dominant part for Steve, who initiated this game so recklessly.
Eddie doesn’t even think about giving him a warning before he presses one slick finger against his rim, pushing gently but firm enough to breach the barrier.
“Oh, fuck!”
Steve jolts at the feeling, upper body convulsing, hands wrapping around his own shins to keep his legs from accidentally clasping shut while Eddie thrusts his finger in and out, going deeper with every tentative push.
“Kiss me, Eddie,” Steve demands, but before Eddie can even raise a brow at him, he adds, “Please. Can I please have a kiss?”
Of course, he can. Eddie would never deny him a kiss. But Steve doesn’t need to know that, does he? Doesn’t need to know that, for months, Eddie had been dreaming about nothing but this. Nothing but kissing Steve stupid. Imagining what it would feel like to have Steve’s lips pressed against his own.
For months, Eddie had been secretly obsessing about made-up scenarios of them being one. And now they are going from zero to a hundred because apparently, they’re both insane.
Maybe insanely in love?
Eddie definitely is, that much is clear.
And that’s why, after Steve’s sudden shift in demeanour, all well-meant intentions bout taking it slow had been thrown overboard the second they shared their first kiss. Caught in the free fall, lost in the heat of the moment.
They are probably going too fast. And maybe Eddie will end up getting burned. But he’ll carry the branding like a badge of honour, will show it off proudly even if it turns into an ugly, thick scar.
He doesn’t know if they’re on the same page, or if they’re even reading the same fucking novel. There’s still a chance Steve’s feelings might differ from his own. That maybe, they don’t go as deep.
“More. Please, Eddie, need more.”
But Eddie will give him everything. A second finger, his cock, his heart – Steve can have it all. Owns all of him anyway, even if he doesn’t know it yet.
“Aren't you greedy. So tight but still asking for more?” Eddie hears himself ask, finds it hard to focus on whatever Steve offers in response because he’s too mesmerised by the sight and the feeling of Steve’s body stretching around him.
The third finger slides in easy enough with how loose and wet Steve is, sinks deep alongside the other two. Steve moans loud and unrestricted, cries out when Eddie’s fingers find that sweet spot inside. Beads of cum collect at the tip of his cock – he’s not quite there but so very close, Eddie can tell, and just the thought of Steve coming undone on his fingers alone makes his own hardness jump and pulse.
It’s almost painful, because he’s still in his goddamned jeans and the fabric is unforgiving, sits too tight around his middle.
“Think you’re ready for me?” he asks dumbly, because he knows Steve’s answer before he even opens his mouth.
“Eddie, please.”
When he finally lifts his eyes from between Steve’s thighs, he finds a single tear making its way down the other man’s temple, trickling into his hairline before vanishing into the pillow beneath. Steve blinks up at him, his bottom lip trapped between his teeth, chest heaving with every deep breath he's trying to take.
“God, Stevie. Your fucking beautiful, do you know that?”
He didn’t mean to say it out loud, is glad the words get swallowed by the sound of Steve’s own protesting cry when Eddie pulls out his fingers.
“S-so empty,” Steve whines, hands reaching for Eddie to pull him down, lips finding each other blindly.
“I know, sweetheart,” Eddie coos, offers a soothing kiss to Steve’s forehead, and nose, and cheek, “but I gotta get out of these pants first, to give you what you want.”
He takes a moment to look at him, searching for any signs of hesitation or regret in Steve’s eyes but finds none. Finds only want and warmth, and something sickeningly soft gleaming through flickering flames of lust, and it’s all Eddie needs to relent, giving in to Steve’s pleading requests to fuck him.
Eddie would be embarrassed by the state of his boxers, sticking uncomfortably to his skin when he peels them off, finally freeing his cock that’s achingly hard, slick with precum clinging to the red, swollen tip. But he doesn’t have time to worry about it, not when Steve is waiting for him splayed out on top of the crumpled sheets, naked and beautiful and ready. So ready for Eddie, whose body is shaking in anticipation as he clumsily crawls back on the bed.
“How do you-“ he starts but stops himself right there.
Decides not to give Steve a choice after all. He wants him exactly like this. Wants to look at him, wants Steve to see what he's doing to Eddie. Wants to be able to kiss his raw-bitten lips when he fills him up. Wants to swallow each whimper, each breath, right from his mouth.
“Tell me you want me,” he selfishly whispers against the shell of Steve’s ear, voice low and rumbling.
“Want you, Eddie. Want you so much, I-“ Steve inhales shakily, exhales on a moan when Eddie sinks his teeth into his throat. Not hard, not enough to leave an imprint. It’s more surprise than pain that makes Steve shiver and gasp.
“You what, baby?” Eddie asks while absently trailing kisses down Steve’s neck, waiting for him to say whatever it is that he was going to say.
“I'm in love with you.”
It is as if time stops for a moment, just for a second, while the words slowly sink in. Words Eddie isn’t sure he heard right. Words that linger in the air, a deafening sound that echoes in his mind.
Eddie pushes himself up on his elbows bracketing Steve’s head, shifting only so much as to look at him properly.
What he finds is a beautiful man looking at him with stars in his eyes, cheeks pink, and a shy smile on his lips. Held down by Eddie’s weight, Steve doesn’t have much room to move, but doesn’t seem to want to hide or run either. Wraps his arms around Eddie’s shoulders instead and holds him tight, almost like he’s afraid he might flee – clueless to the fact that Eddie would rather get hurt than ever having to be without him again.
“I’m in love with you. Love you so much it kills me, Steve. Want all of you. Not only- this.” Eddie confesses finally, grinds his hips to offer some friction where their cocks are trapped between their bodies.
The pitiful noise that falls from Steve’s lips at that sends a rush of arousal through every part of him, and the way Steve kisses him – like before but somehow with more meaning in every press of lips – makes Eddie’s heartrate pick up. There’s this overwhelming feeling of drowning in emotions again, love’s current carrying him away, and Eddie doesn’t fight it.
Couldn’t, even if he wanted to.
His motions are led by all of the above – the love and taste and greedy desire for Steve, the man whose trembling body curls itself around him like it’s trying to melt with his.
Strong legs wrap around his waist, leaving no room for interpretation as to what Steve is trying to tell him without words. He’s unable to speak with his mouth occupied, too busy sharing spit and staggered breaths with Eddie in a way that feels like he’s trying to consume him whole.
And Eddie lets him. Lets go of every last worry and doubt when he slides into the heat of Steve’s body. Goes slow and deep, and it feels so good he could cry. Because this is different from the sex he had before. Not because he’s the one on top, but because it’s Steve’s body that welcomes each thrust with complementing motion. Steve’s body he’s allowed to sink into, to get lost in. This is different in so many ways because this isn’t sex for the sake of fucking – this is claiming ownership of the man that owns his heart. This is fucking for the sake of filling Steve’s body with all the love he feels for him.
Steve’s breath is hot on Eddie’s face; their kisses have turned into open-mouthed nothings as they’re losing themselves in each other.
Eddie falls first, how ironic, but they both fall hard. Crash and burn and shake apart so violently, it takes them a while to find their way back to the here and now. And when he comes to, Eddie finds himself latched onto Steve’s lips again. Kissing him lazily just because he can. Selfishly chasing this new taste he’ll never get enough of – this love in all its different flavours.
“Thank you,” Steve whispers, fingers carefully carding through unruly curls where they’re lying side by side.
“What for?” Eddie asks, already half-asleep, with his mind blissfully empty.
“For loving me.”
Eddie smiles, scoots closer to Steve to place a soft kiss to his forehead.
“Always will,” he promises and means it more than anything.
He’ll never let this go away.