Chapter Text
She was sitting in the waiting room. Her patience was wearing thin the more she looked at her watch.
“Ms. Lane?”
The girl glanced annoyed at the door and got up to follow. When they finally entered the room, she looked around and sat carefully in one of the yellow armchairs.
“I’d like to call you by your name, is that okay, Vi?” “Yeah, whatever,” Vi said, almost in a whisper.
“Well, I’m Doctor Nuville, I’ll be your therapist from now on. The first session is about telling me what happened to you in the past so that I can better assess how to treat you. Everything you say is confidential and will remain in this room. Honesty is important and you don’t need to be ashamed of anything. If you want, we can start now. What is the main reason you need a therapist?”
Vi didn’t know what to answer. She shortly drifted away from reality and just stared at the blank white wall.
“Um..i don’t know where to start.”
“That’s okay. You don’t have to tell me everything today, but I’m sure there’s something going on in your mind right now.”
After this sentence, her thoughts raced back and forth and she could no longer concentrate properly. Her eyes were burning from the bright light and she was tired.
Not just physically.
She hesitated with her answer. “I think because of what happened to me about three months ago.”
Or was it four? Vi couldn’t remember when it happened but she could describe the day perfectly down to the smallest detail.
“And what happened?” Doctor Nuville asked. She couldn’t get that sentence out of her mouth until now.
She tried to suppress her racing thoughts so she won’t panic. “I…I was r-raped,” her voice trembled. The doctor looked at Vi with a worried face and his voice was calm.
“Oh, im so sorry Vi. I suppose it’s hard for you just to mention it and it was a horrible experience for you of course.”
Vi stopped looking him in the eye a long time ago and stared at the wooden floor. Suddenly she felt like she had to tell him everything. Until now, she hadn’t spoken to anyone about it. She tried to control her emotions so that she didn’t burst into tears. She hates crying in front of people.
“I didn’t go straight home from school but went to the park to study. It was a sunny and beautiful day. I like to be in nature and stuff. When it got dark, I made my way home. I took a shortcut in a small alley. There were a few junkies sitting on the ground, which is why I walked faster. Suddenly everything was quiet and there wasn’t a soul in sight. I heard footsteps and a crack and I stopped. And then…someone attacked me from behind.”
Her voice became faster and faster and trembled.
“He…he was much bigger than me and stronger, even though I’d been boxing for six years. He punched me, I tried to shake him off and hit him in the face but he quickly regained his composure and carried on. I tried to scream but he kept punching me in the stomach and I couldn’t breathe. My arms and legs were numb and everything hurt. Suddenly he took my hands behind my back and tied them with something. I let out a loud scream but nobody seemed to care…”
That was the point at which she broke and a tear streamed down her face. Doctor Nuville noticed and gave her a tissue and interrupted her.
“Vi it’s okay to let out your emotions. Would you like to take a little break? I’ll get you something to drink.”He said softly and left the room to get water.
The wait felt like an eternity again. Vi noticed that her hands were shaking and tried to breathe slowly to calm down, but it didn’t help. She started having flashbacks of that day again and closed her eyes, supporting her head with her hands.
“Get your shit together!” she mumbled to herself.
Her body felt like it was burning from the inside. She started hyperventilating, rocking back and forth and grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled on it.
She could feel his nasty hands on her body, taking her dignity without remorse.
Her breathing was out of control and she tried to gasp for air. Vi only now realized she was crying because tears were dripping from her face onto her pants.
The door opened. Vi flinched.
It was Doctor Nuville approaching her for comfort. But the only thing she could see was the man who had destroyed her life. She jumped from her chair and ran to the far corner of the room. Legs drawn to her and hands wrapped around them, she made herself so small in the hope that it would all stop.
”Hey Vi, it’s me Doctor Nuville. I’m not going to hurt you, I’m here to help you. Look at me Vi!” He tried to reassure her and also sat on the floor to be at eye level.
Vi looked at him with blurred eyes and regained reality.
She’s in therapy.
It’s Doctor Nuville.
Not her rapist.
“Im sorry…”
“Don’t be sorry, Vi. Your reaction is completely normal and justified for what happened to you.”
But Vi didn’t feel normal.
She didn’t feel justified.
She didn’t want to feel anything anymore.