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Sung Hanbin is fucked.
When he was ten, he dreamt of having the perfect partner to be with him in what he likes to call the perfect life. They would stroll along the park while eating ice cream after work, chasing away pigeons because Gunwook, his–soon to be theirs–self-proclaimed son, is scared of them. (Yes, he will be with them. Hanbin practically raised him, so to exclude him from his imagination would be negligence.)
They would cheer Gunwook’s name when his team wins the football game and the dance competition with a choreography done by the best father in the world: him. When they tuck Gunwook in bed, they would slowly walk over to the sofa, start cuddling, and watch a movie at low volume so as to not disturb their son, whose classes start at 7 am tomorrow.
He is now 21 years old and is currently a first-year Psychology major. He now understands that Gunwook is only two years younger than him, so half of his dreams are now thrown down the drain, but no, he is not fucked because he came to the realization that he did not, in fact, birth Gunwook.
He is fucked because the partner that was once in his mind is slowly being replaced by two.
His roommates, no less.
Seok Matthew and Kim Taerae.
The pair whom he wakes up to every morning, where he is either met by the sound of Matthew’s dumbbells being placed down or the sound of Taerae’s guitar being played. Both situations end the same way, though. The moment his roommates see his eyes open, they drop everything and lie down beside him no matter how much Matthew is sweating, how much Taerae is complaining about getting the smallest side of the bed (although it is already a given that the space will be small), or how much Hanbin is laughing at the familiar sight.
He knows they do that because they have no breakfast yet, but so what? Hanbin adores his roommates, probably a little too much right now, but that can be resolved in the future (hopefully now). He likes taking care of them as much as they take care of him, especially when he gets too much on his plate. That’s the time when Hanbin even forgets that he’s the oldest of the three. He’s thankful that they are his roommates.
At first, it was just Taerae and Matthew who were supposed to occupy the room. Hanbin was a last-minute addition because he applied late to the university (deciding on a major was hard, can you really blame him?). No other rooms were available and the university was looking for people to adopt him. It took a while, but when certain people accepted the offer, Hanbin felt nothing but relief. Before meeting them, he took the effort to prepare multiple dishes to offer as a sort of a housewarming gift.
Opening the door to his new home, he was met with two curious pairs of eyes. One of them was in the middle of moving a bed and the other was on top of the same bed.
“You must be Sung Hanbin! Hi, I’m Seok Matthew!” The man moving the bed exclaimed. Hanbin was tranced by the way his eyes beamed.
“I’m Kim Taerae, nice to meet you.” The one sitting said while flashing Hanbin the brightest smile known to man. It took everything in his power to not cry and call Gunwook to tell him about how college is such a great place to be in.
“Nice to meet you two as well! I brought us some food as thanks for adopting me.” The mention of food triggers something within the other two because Matthew instantly pushes the bed into its place and fixes the other two while Taerae is suddenly in the dining room, putting down three plates, utensils, and a bowl full of rice.
Introductions were done over breakfast and he quickly fell into a comfortable atmosphere with the other two. Hanbin was older than both of them by a year and the age gap between the two was only two months. They are also first years like him and are taking up two vastly different majors, Matthew with Biology and Taerae with Political Science. They were already friends before college, so despite the differences, they still requested to be put in the same room.
When asked about why they accepted Hanbin as their roommate, Taerae just shrugged. “We don’t know either. We didn’t have any reason to say yes but we didn’t have any reason to say no as well.” It didn’t make sense, but Hanbin soon learned that it doesn’t really matter if some things didn’t make sense.
They fell into a usual routine as soon as classes started. Hanbin learns that the Bio-PolSci duo cannot cook at all. Hanbin was their savior, as they like to put it. However, with the other chores? Hanbin can barely move a finger because everything gets taken care of in the blink of an eye. It only takes an hour and they already have the rest of the day to themselves and he’s very thankful for that.
Currently, ten months have passed since he moved in and all three of them are inside a small conference room that is inside the library. Taerae has an important speech coming up for a final assessment, and now he’s reciting everything again and again.
Taerae, in Hanbin’s perspective, has the voice of a god. He sounds so good that for a while, he couldn’t enjoy a single song because Taerae wasn’t the one singing them. Although, the number of times Taerae repeated his speech was concerning. They went to the library at 1:30 p.m., Taerae started rehearsing after half an hour, and it is now 5 p.m.
“...thank you.” Taerae finishes for the nth time (Hanbin lost count) and lets out another heavy sigh. Matthew and Hanbin clap from the library sofa across from Taerae who has been standing for three hours now.
“Okay, again-” he was about to start again but he found himself in a sea full of coughs. Honestly, it’s even amazing that he lasted this long before coughing. Concern washing over their faces, Hanbin offers Taerae a sip from his water bottle and Matthew softly massages Taerae’s back beside him.
“I guess it’s time for a break?” Hanbin suggests. He was immediately met with Taerae’s furrowed eyebrows and pouting lips which Hanbin almost kissed, but of course, he can’t do that.
“But I can go for another round though. I feel like my delivery during the middle turned flat and I raised my voice a little too high. Also- wait. Matthew, what are you doing? Hanbin hyung!” Taerae is lifted up by Matthew who went behind him in the middle of his yapping session, as Matthew liked to call this whole rehearsal, and was gently thrown onto the sofa.
However, it was immediately followed by an aggressive cuddle session. Taerae is sandwiched between the two, yet despite the discomfort due to the small space, he feels calm. At ease. The pressure he was feeling was instantly lifted the moment Matthew put his head near Taerae’s neck. “Our youngest is working so hard~” he coos.
“I’m only two months younger than you, Matthew.”
“Our youngest is working so hard~” Hanbin repeats the sentence and Taerae finds no rebuttal rising as Hanbin can actually say that specific line. Resting his chin upon Taerae’s head, their arms continue to get tangled up on the youngest’s torso, but Matthew and Hanbin still manage to find one of Taerae’s hands for their own and they hold it tightly.
Hanbin loves Taerae. Yes, his feelings are already past the liking stage. While Matthew already opened his almost whole being to Hanbin after a day or so, Taerae was a bit more reserved. He wasn’t as affectionate as Matthew at the beginning, only giving Hanbin his signature smile and laughter that would reel anyone in. It’s an unfair trait to have, Hanbin thinks.
A month after moving in, Hanbin discovered that Taerae is a very strong pillar of support, not just for them, but for others as well. It’s like he can’t be moved. No matter how much he complains or gets disappointed, Hanbin knows that deep inside, Taerae can get over them, and he proves it again and again without fail.
There was a certain afternoon when Taerae was accompanied by his fellow PolSci classmate, Gyuvin, back to their room. It was just Hanbin who welcomed them because Matthew still had classes until 7 p.m. that day. He introduced himself to Gyuvin and asked why Taerae was different than usual.
The tall boy said that their current professor humiliated Taerae in front of their class, going on an angry rant just because his answer was missing a few explanations. The thing is, Taerae knew the answer, and Hanbin knew that Taerae knew it as well, the boy just couldn’t explain it in time because he was immediately interrupted.
Hanbin thanked Gyuvin for helping Taerae get to their room, in which the younger just replied, “No problem! Hyung helped me and the class a lot even though we only know each other for like, a week? So this is nothing. Please take care of him for us, Hanbin hyung!” with that, he left.
With the door shut, Hanbin was finally able to take a clear look at the younger. His hair is a mess, his glasses are a bit slanted, and he can’t look at anywhere other than the floor.
“...Taerae?” That was a mistake. Taerae, with shaking lips and teary eyes, directly looked at Hanbin’s eyes. Before Hanbin could do anything, he was tackled to Taerae’s bed by the owner himself (it was the one nearest to the door after all).
Taerae had his head burrowed in Hanbin’s chest, his hoodie to be precise, and he was clutching hard. Hanbin can feel Taerae’s glasses against him. Afraid that it will get broken, he sits upright, making Taerae follow in between his legs, facing him.
“Can we remove your glasses, bub?” the pet name slipped out, Hanbin admits, he’s not even sure if Taerae’s fine with it, but it’s one of the only ways Hanbin knows on how to comfort someone, so sue him.
Taerae nodded with a whimper, letting Hanbin take his glasses and putting it on their bedside table. Hanbin watches Taerae fondly, who was trying to find a place to put his hands on. Hanbin then takes Taerae’s arms and wraps it around him, resting his chin on the younger’s head.
The room was quiet for a while, before Taerae spoke. “I’m so pissed right now, hyung. If only I just… ugh.” Taerae hugged Hanbin tighter.
“I know Taerae, I know.” He started to caress the other’s back, slow and steady, for Taerae to match his breathing with. “I saw the way you study during our first month together, and the way you were still able to teach Matthew already says a lot. I mean, a Political Science student teaching a Biology student about Biology? Taerae, you are amazing. This was an unfortunate moment, yes. But I know you can come back from this. I believe you can.”
Taerae buries his face further onto Hanbin’s chest. They sat in silence until Taerae was able to collect himself once again. It lasted longer than Hanbin expected, but when he checked with Taerae, he found the reason why.
The younger one fell asleep while hugging him.
Hanbin was about to squeal, but he felt the younger stir and he immediately stopped moving. Now, as much as Hanbin wanted to stay in this position, he has other stuff to do. He also acknowledges that despite Taerae’s display of affection, there’s a chance that Taerae might get uncomfortable with him once he wakes up in the same position.
Carefully, he removed himself from Taerae, and fixed the boy’s posture. He went back to his own bed and decided to just sleep instead of doing his tasks. Seeing Taerae peacefully resting made him a bit jealous, okay?
He looked at Taerae one last time before saying, “Good night, Taerae. May tomorrow be better for you.”
The morning after, he found an energy drink and sandwich on his bedside table that he usually brings for a snack. Although Hanbin will admit, it looked a bit sloppily in terms of presentation.
With it is a handwritten note where he recognized Taerae’s handwriting.
‘Hanbin hyung, thank you for comforting me yesterday! …The hug was a bit sudden, even for me, I admit. But only then did I realize how much I needed that. I think I loved it so much that I even fell asleep, so thank you for helping me sleep as well :)
I promise to come back stronger than ever, so rest assured that I did not go anywhere dangerous, just at the library lol
See you later, hyung!
With a smile, Taerae ☆’
It was safe to say that Hanbin met Taerae’s smiles and laughter again that day.
.
.
.
“Do it tomorrow with your brightest smile, Taerae-ah.” Hanbin whispers in his ear.
Taerae no longer wants to continue practicing, which is actually a good decision after three consecutive hours of doing so, but by god how the hell is he going to survive being held by his two crushes in such an intimate position? Don’t get him wrong, all three of them have grown closer enough to initiate any skinship–they’ve been living together for ten months already–but he just wishes they knew what their actions do to him.
Kim Taerae is fucked.
It was just supposed to be Matthew.
They met during high school, and, well, they weren’t exactly friends right off the bat. Matthew was a transferee, and before you know it, they were seated right next to each other.
Taerae planned to pay no attention to him, but it was hard to do so when Matthew decided to attach himself to Taerae. Wherever Taerae would go, Matthew would follow. Whatever Taerae would get for lunch, Matthew would get those as well. At times, Matthew would try to initiate conversation with him, and he does respond (Taerae’s not that heartless, he loves two people currently for fuck’s sake, including this one), but, most of the time, Matthew would just follow him in silence.
After a week or two, Taerae lost his cool. It’s not that Matthew himself was annoying, rather, he was annoyed at the things he witnessed. Matthew was quiet when he’s with him, and he’s okay with that. Matthew was too quiet during class, and he’s not okay with that.
Matthew’s quietness earned him several disappointed comments from their teachers, and the academic achiever in Taerae cannot let that slide because he saw Matthew write every answer he was supposed to say, and everything was more than correct. He saw how Matthew would write everything the teacher would say and even correct them at times–in his notes.
So, when Matthew was following him again for lunch, he pulled him into an empty classroom and closed the door. Taerae took a deep breath before facing his classmate. “What’s up with you?”
“W-What’s up with me?” Matthew, although his tone shows a little fear, tilts his head a little to the side, triggering something in Taerae that he can’t even look at Matthew eye to eye, so he resorted to leaning at the door sideways and looking at the interesting, empty blackboard.
“You’re so quiet all of the time that even our teachers are starting to think you’re dumb, but I see that you’re not. Well, based on the notes you take. Your quietness is not helping your case at all! Also, you have a one of a kind face, be more confident! You sparked a few discussions here and there when you first came, you know.” What was Taerae’s point again? “You’re like, one of the only fairly attractive people in our class. Use that with your brain sometimes.”
Silence lingered for a few seconds before Taerae looked at Matthew again, who is now the one looking away. He’s even a little red, Taerae notices.
“You… you think I look good?”
“Have you- did you- were you even paying attention to what I said before that part?!” Now, the empty classroom hosts two equally red students.
Matthew just laughed in response and it was such a beautiful laugh, Taerae thought. He was laughing until tears appeared, and in the empty classroom, everything echoed wonderfully.
He finally heard his quiet seatmate laugh.
“Can I hug you?” Matthew suddenly asked. Taerae raises his eyebrows in response.
“Now where did this confidence come from?” He replied, but he found himself opening his arms as an invitation. Taerae is usually a bit more reserved, but hey, if a hug is what it will take for Matthew to get confidence then so be it (yes, this is all for his confidence).
Matthew’s gleam was evident in his face, rushing over to Taerae with a low ‘oof’ once they made contact. With Matthew’s head on his shoulder, Taerae can easily feel how wide Matthew’s smile was.
“Thank you for this push, Taerae. I really appreciate it.”
“Shut up. I only did this because it’s painful to see what you were going through.”
“Acting like a tsundere now, are we?”
“A tsun- a what?”
“Nothing! Let’s get lunch!” Matthew blew air in Taerae’s ear, making the latter jump away, opened the door, before running away from him.
“Hey! Seok Matthew!” Taerae ran after him, failing to stifle a laugh while thinking of the situation.
The day after that, Matthew showed a new side of him. Brave, confident, and outgoing, a complete contrast to whatever he was during his first weeks. A lot of students were drawn to him, and when Taerae learned about it, he just said, “Can you blame them?”
Despite the growing fame, Matthew never fails to return back to him.
Only to him.
That was the start of Taerae’s feelings for Matthew. He likes to think of it that way, but he thinks he probably already gained feelings when Matthew was following him around. The quiet Matthew had different charms.
So when he also started gaining something for Hanbin, as a result of his and Matthew’s decision to accept him as a roommate, he felt like he betrayed his own feelings.
After a few days of contemplating, he sighed and said, “Fuck it.”, and started loving both of them the same. Is it rational? No, not at all. Although, he finds it easier to love the two of them rather than choosing one over the other.
.
.
.
On the other hand, a certain someone doesn’t think that he’s fucked.
Seok Matthew feels rather blessed.
Matthew always felt like it was him and Taerae against the world. Taerae, whose actions betray his ‘complaints’ whenever he shows affection. Everyone around them would say they look good together, in any context, and he sees that as well. Neither of them needed to say what to do when they’re together, it will just be done. Until Hanbin came.
Hanbin, who instantly reciprocates the amount of warmth he shows, sometimes with even more.
Both Hanbin and Taerae let him give them so much love that his little self contains. Matthew was the main reason why they decided to accept Hanbin. He, who felt Taerae’s kindness, decided to relay it to an unknown student. He’s thankful that Taerae was fine with the decision, because with how things are now, he wouldn’t have it any other way.
Hanbin was a breath of fresh air to their little duo. Banters between them can lead to small fights, and who always resolves them? Hanbin, with an additional hug and sometimes even a kiss on the cheeks, which never fails to catch Matthew off guard (he used to only do it with Matthew, though. Probably because Taerae showed signs of not being that comfortable from the get-go, but lately, Matthew also sees Taerae accepting Hanbin’s obvious signs of affections).
That wasn’t all. Both him and Taerae are very family-oriented college students, and more often than not, they feel homesick. Taerae usually handled it better than him, but when both of them can’t comfort each other to a certain extent, they just cried, but that changed when Hanbin appeared and picked both of them up.
Maybe it was also because of Matthew easily opening up to Hanbin, but the older can easily find any sign of discomfort from him. Be it from his eyes, his lips, his words, or even the way he looks for them.
Matthew and Hanbin once went to a dorm party together around after their midterm exams. Taerae couldn’t come with them because their problem of a professor gave them an extra project that was due on the same day, but Taerae just said that it was fine, the dorm party was just an initiative by the owners anyway and it wasn't required.
Now, while Matthew likes social interactions, some people forget about boundaries after a couple of drinks. Closing in on him while complimenting him, touching his face when he wasn’t looking–Matthew’s love language was physical touch, but not to strangers.
It instantly brought his mood down, but he found himself in another predicament.
He lost sight of Hanbin.
It’s more of a him problem than a Hanbin problem, because while Matthew did recognize some faces here and there, he can only be calm if he sees Taerae or Hanbin–both of which are currently gone.
The loud music wasn’t helping either. He could have tried to call out, but he knew it would just fall on the people two feet away from him, and they weren’t Hanbin. He instantly became hyper aware of everything and his breathing became shallow. He probably looked so weird, standing and staring into nothingness, until he felt a familiar touch on his hand. Turning around, Hanbin was there. His eyes showed concern, but a smile was there regardless.
“Hey, Matthew. Want to get out of here?”
In an instant, they were back to their dorm room.
“I still got us some pizza slices, by the way.” Hanbin puts a paper plate on their dining table, before sitting next to Matthew on his bed. “Are you feeling any better now?”
“A bit.” Matthew sighed and was about to apologize, but Hanbin beat him to it.
“I know you’re going to apologize. So, I’ll do it first. I’m sorry for leaving you behind like that.”
Eh?
“I thought you would be fine, but I think I got a bit too careless that I completely disregarded you for a while.”
“But hyung,” Matthew grabbed his shoulders, he can't let Hanbin beat himself up. “I was having fun. There were only some people that bothered me–but it is not your fault.”
“I know, but…” Hanbin’s face turns into a frown, and Matthew could imagine a dog’s ear going down in sadness. It’s a bit lovely, but that's for some other time.
“Ah, hyung~ You’re a softie yourself.” Matthew teased and hugged Hanbin quickly.
“I thought that was obvious?”
“I’m glad that you care about the both of us. Not just me or Taerae, but both of us.” Matthew suddenly thanks him and Hanbin ruffles his hair in response.
“What kind of person would I be if I didn’t?”
“But, you know, you should also give yourself more credit sometimes.”
Hanbin was, and still is, able to provide a love that both Taerae and Matthew didn’t know they needed.
Young, in love, and can’t hold his feelings any longer, Matthew suddenly sits up straight, staring down at the other two who are still cuddling, sharing a small conversation while looking at each other. “I like both of you.”
Hanbin looks at him like a shocked hamster, red slowly creeping up on his cheeks. Taerae scoffs and says in a teasing tone, “Well, I hope you do. We’re literally cuddling right now.”
Matthew laughs in response before shaking his head. “I do, but I like you more than that.”
If the sequence of,
Oh.
Oh.
had a face, it would be Taerae. Matthew can’t help but laugh at the two equally shocked faces of his crushes. “I like you two romantically. It’s been on my mind for quite some time now. I wanted to keep it a secret, but I knew that I physically couldn't.” He grabs Taerae’s and Hanbin’s hands and pulls them up.
However, now that both of them are looking at him, he finds his words stuck in his throat and covers his face instead. Taerae, who notices his struggles, laughs and takes over. “Confessing your feelings inside a library conference room? Yeah, that sounds like you a lot.”
Matthew is about to shout in protest, but instantly closes his mouth when Taerae leans in, their foreheads now touching. “I also have liked you and Hanbin hyung for a long time now, Matt. Longer than you think.” The close eye contact forces the two to giggle, their laughter harmonizing with one another. It warms Hanbin’s heart, who is still staring with his mouth wide open.
“Hanbin hyung?” Matthew asks, with his face still next to Taerae’s. They look at Hanbin expectantly. The mentioned man looks back at them, switching between Matthew and Taerae’s faces. With a sigh of relief, he smiles.
‘Well! I guess Gunwook can have three dads after all.’ Hanbin thinks, before pulling Taerae and Matthew towards him at the same time.