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The gasp for air is almost like a sob as that invisible force pulls him back out of the water. By this point, he is far too weary to try again. He’s already attempted this four times today. Seven times yesterday. Three times the day before that. Every single time, that force pulls him up, and fishes him back out of the lake. He slams his fist against the soaked grass underneath him, sobs wracking his body, mixed in with raw screams.
Why? For the love of the gods, why? Why can’t he just be let go already? Why can’t he break this soul bond with the end of his life? He’s tried, again and again, he’s begged Sleep to release him, but He just won’t. Let. Him. Go.
I cannot understand you, Vessel. His voice rings in the mage’s head, and Vessel stills. As much as he can with his body trembling, his eyes glowing that fluorescent yellow as he stares at his reflection in the water. Can’t you see how much I care? That is why I save you. That is why you are my vessel. I have given you so much. Why are you so ungrateful for your gifts?
They are not gifts, Vessel wants to say. They are my burdens, they are my curse, my regrets and the very reason I can no longer recognize myself. But he doesn’t speak a word, his breaths trembling as he is paralyzed. Forced to stare at who he has become.
There is so much power at your fingertips. So much I’ve given you. Because you are the only one deserving. Look at how divine you are. And so badly, he wishes he could pull his head away from the water. He doesn’t want to look, but he has no choice. His mind is so fuzzy, he’s so exhausted, and his breaths are so heavy.
“But if I am… so divine,” he croaks out, his accent thick, his words heavy. “Why can’t you take me with you? I love you, I am devoted to you for eternity. Let me ascend from this mortal plane and be alongside you, at long last. Please, take me with you.” He pleads, tearing his eyes away to look up at the sky, at the infinite stars.
And suddenly, the glow in his eyes vanishes. And it is so much colder, and he is alone. He considers holding himself in the lake again, praying he will drown this time. Or at the very least, have Sleep return to stop him so he can bask in every loving word that keeps him afloat.
Vessel weeps once more, his tears sinking into the muddy grass underneath him. He weeps until he cannot hold himself up, and he collapses beside the lake.
“Thank the gods.” When Vessel awakens, he is greeted by his friend, III, staring down at him with a gaze through his mask that holds relief and concern. “You didn’t return from your investigation of the struck fawn.”
Vessel groans. That’s right. He’d initially ended up alone because he’d observed a fawn, wailing and bleeding as it staggered through the trees, an arrow in its leg. He never found that fawn, nor the source of such cruelty. He’d sat patiently by the lake in hopes it would return to find him, so that he could ease its distress and pain, but it never came.
“My apologies, III.” His voice is hoarse, and he moves to lift himself up. He just doesn’t have the strength, and he falls back to the ground, his back slamming against the ground below him.
“What were you doing beside the lake? This is the third time this week.” A gruff voice chimes in on the conversation. It’s IV. Vessel heaves a heavy sigh.
“My legs were tired from my search. I only sat down to rest, but I suppose the exhaustion got the best of me.” He lets out a chuckle, but there is no humor in it.
“You said that last night, too. You’re soaked. You smell of the lake water.” IV remains unconvinced. Vessel knew that was going to happen.
“I know,” Vessel says. “ I know. ” He is tired of lying to his companions; maybe he’s just tired in general. Being the puppet of a God takes a heavy toll.
Then comes the period of long silence. He closes his eyes, releasing a breath that he didn’t know he was holding. It’s a shuddered breath, and his chest is so tight. A shaky hand lifts and fingers clench. The vines from the trees pull toward him, assisting him in sitting up so he can look around. Back at the makeshift village. He’s not sure how he ended up back here, but he’s glad he is.
“You know this isn’t the answer, Vess.” IV crouches down to his level, meeting his eyes. “If it were me, I would have pulled you out, too.”
“Ivy, please-”
“I will not watch you attempt continuously to throw away your life for this. If you succeed, then what? It passes down onto us. What will we do without you? Look at me, Vessel. What will we do without you? ” His voice holds what sounds like an anger, but it wavers with a genuine care. A desperation.
Vessel stares at him, and then his breaths shudder. He is shedding tears all over again, unable to say any more than “ I’m sorry ”, over and over and over. III reaches and squeezes his shoulder, a silent gesture of comfort.
“You will find a way to break free, Vess.” II doesn’t speak very much, so it makes the other three jump when he chimes in. “And when you do, we will run like the wind with you. Don’t you dare give up. We will not go without you, the same way you would not go without us.”
And the mage knows he is right. Yes, he knows that he is right.
The words echo in his mind into the dark of the night. As he kneels before the conjured violet flame before him, his hands hovered over his chest, fireflies are in a hurry to their places. Crickets have already begun their chirp in support. The wolves cease their prowling and lay to listen.
The mist clouds the air, his surroundings hardly visible around him, but he does not care. If they come, they will break through it fine. The light will guide their way to him.
Just like every other night, Vessel inhales, and the song begins. His offering to his soulmate who still has yet to arrive. His nightly effort to be freed from the chains that bind him. And he feels a little lighter, his addiction to the power vanishes in momentary bliss. His hopes for reciprocation from his puppeteer drift to the back of his mind. His heart pours out, entangled with his soul.
“I dream in phosphorescence, bleed through spaces, see you drifting past the fog…”