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This had to be a dream. No way he had ever looked this beautiful. Xie Lian could not take his eyes off the God-Pleasing Martial Warrior, who literally glowed in a bright golden light. Watching his past self in this moment was, of course, the most obvious sign that he was experiencing some kind of vision or dream. But some things were different from his memory as well. The crowd on the Grand Avenue of Divine Might was simply a blurred mass, and Mu Qing, who had played the demon, was missing entirely. The procession seemed, however, to continue normally with only the God-Pleasing Martial Warrior on stage. Considering the location in the city and if this was the third round in the procession, they were close to the moment when a very special child had lost his footing on top of the city wall.
But Xie Lian could not remember having dreamed of this memory ever before. And especially not in such a way. Why was this happening now? He tried to think back and recalled becoming tired while waiting in Paradise Manor for Hua Cheng to return from some minor errand in Ghost City. He must have fallen asleep, so maybe it was just a dream.
Suddenly, a murmur went through the faceless crowd. As Xie Lian looked up, a small figure was falling from the city wall. But in the same way, as the God-Pleasing Martial Warrior was surrounded by a brilliant light, dark shadows were leaking from the child’s body. While falling, it almost looked like a black comet plummeting down on Earth. The God-Pleasing Martial Warrior jumped up effortlessly, his light glowing brighter and brighter, catching the little boy safe in his arms.
Xie Lian sighed in relief. He was pulled in the air following the Crown Prince, and so he was able to see the scene up close. He flinched unconsciously as he stared at the small figure. The child was not looking human. Its eyes glowed red in a distorted face, dark shadows shrouding its frail figure.
The boy’s efforts to hide his face behind his tiny hands were mostly futile, and he was looking at his savior anxiously. Xie Lian could not make out the God-Pleasing Martial Warrior’s reaction, as the latter had not lost his mask while leaping up. Yet the moment they touched the ground, the Crown Prince tossed the boy to the ground like he had burned his hands.
“What horrible creature are you? Get out of my sight!” he roared like a true immortal. The child flinched and curled up in a ball, its body shaking from violent but silent sobs. It was a heartbreaking sight, and Xie Lian was dumb-struck for a second about “his” behavior before he rushed to approach the boy. But as much as he tried to console the small figure and wrap him in his arms, his incorporeal form would not hold him, and his voice was drowned out in the noise of the agitated crowd.
The radiant figure of the Crown Prince turned towards the child, his disgust clear now despite the mask. “You dare to linger? I put Xianle’s fate on the line for the likes of you?” His voice was building up with rage, the people around them echoing him, even calling for the child’s death. The boy scrambled up, still crying soundlessly, and fled into the masses. Xie Lian tried to follow as fast as he could, but he got kicked and jostled by the faceless figures in the crowd, and soon the whole scene started to fade away.
But he did not wake up.
Xie Lian was falling. He burst through the clouds, looking at a familiar city. He was pulled forward, flying through the empty streets of a desolated Ghost City, arriving at a big building, which he also knew well. When he touched the ground, he saw his hands still shaking and felt cold sweat running down his spine.
He was standing in front of the Gambler’s Den. Everything was eerie silent. Xie Lian tried to calm himself down with a few deep breaths and entered the building on high alert. Immediately, he stood in the main hall, where he had seen his husband’s true form for the first time. An unconscious smile lit up his face.
A loud bang behind him made him jump. Just like in the scene before, a beautiful version of himself entered the hall with confident strides. This “Xie Lian” wore plain white robes, but he radiated a soft light, just as the God-Pleasing Martial Warrior had.
The rest of the room seemed empty, but when Xie Lian looked up, he suddenly saw a familiar silhouette sitting behind the red curtains. His dream self had also noticed and was walking up the stairs with big strides and a friendly smile on his face. Xie Lian followed him carefully. Everything seemed fine, and yet he felt the hairs on his neck stand up.
“San Lang, it’s so good to see you again!” his dream self proclaimed happily, pushing the curtains aside yet instantly freezing in place. Xie Lian hurried after him, anxious about what he would see. Was Hua Cheng hurt? What had happened? Looking over his dream self’s shoulders, he wrinkled his brow in confusion.
“Who are you? What have you done to San Lang?” Xie Lian unconsciously jumped back a step as his dream self unexpectedly yelled, sounding horrified. He even drew a sword!
Xie Lian was entirely perplexed. The only thing different about the Hua Cheng he was looking at from the one he knew so well was that this Hua Cheng was holding his hand up to cover his right eye instead of the familiar eye patch.
“Gege, please… It’s me…” Hua Cheng called out pleadingly. “I don’t believe you! San Lang does not look like this. He’s not a monster!” His voice echoed through the hall as the dream version of Xie Lian started slashing at the curtains viciously.
Hua Cheng flinched like he had been struck, the pain evident on his face. Xie Lian thought he saw something red shine through the fingers covering half the face, but at that moment, his dream self started to get in a threatening attack stance. As fast as lightning, Xie Lian tried to grab his dream self’s sword hand, but as feared, he passed right through it. He called for Ruyoe, but the silk band did not appear.
Xie Lian slapped his own face with force to wake up from this nightmare, but nothing happened. Shit, forcing himself to wake up was apparently not an option. But he had to do something. It did not matter that this was a dream. He could not bear seeing Hua Cheng suffer like this. “San Lang!” he cried, distressed, but nobody seemed to react to his voice.
Yet at the same time, Hua Cheng moved backward, and their environment dissolved until the three of them stood in a vast darkness, the only light was the soft glow radiating from Xie Lian’s dream version.
The real Xie Lian was starting to freak out. “Wake up, wake up, wake up… Please wake up.” He whispered to himself while frantically looking for a way to distract his dream self, who was slowly approaching Hua Cheng with a raised sword and a furious glare in his eyes. “Where is San Lang? What did you do to him? Tell me now or suffer the consequences.” “Gege…” Tears started streaming down Hua Cheng’s face while he stumbled backward, horror written all over his face.
Almost scared out of his wits, Xie Lian tried to punch his dream self again and push him away desperately, but to no avail. “Think. What’s going on? This can’t be my dream. I would never. I know that. Someone or something is messing with me.” He tried to remember all the creatures that could influence dreams, and yes, some of them would be capable of this. But he had fallen asleep in Paradise Manor. He was sure of that. None of them would be powerful enough to enter uninvited. No one would dare enter and mess with him there. What the hell was going on?
Seeing the pain on Hua Cheng’s face was not helping him concentrate. “I have to keep it together. What if this is not just an ordinary dream? What if there is something dangerous going on?” He tried to steady himself with a deep breath, and without realizing it, he had moved in front of Hua Cheng.
“Stop! You are not allowed to treat him like this. No one is.” He cried out to his dream self, not caring anymore if they could hear him. He would protect Hua Cheng at all costs, no matter where, no matter how. And he was livid.
“How dare you point a sword at him? How dare you act so righteous when you are the one bullying him?” He continued to shield Hua Cheng with his body to the best of his abilities.
Having vented his anger, he switched course and started talking to Hua Cheng. “San Lang. Don’t listen to him. He is not real. Listen to me. I’m here. You are my husband. I love you. I see you. Please listen. I won’t let him hurt you, I promise. I won’t let anyone hurt you.” He stole a glimpse over his shoulder, not daring to take his eyes off his dream self for too long. But in that brief moment, he saw a flicker in Hua Cheng’s dark eye.
“San Lang! Can you hear me?” Xie Lian's voice almost cracked as he tried to pour his whole heart into his words. “I’m here! I will protect you. Do not worry!” While he continued talking, not only did the light surrounding his dream self dim, but at the same time, his own figure started to glow faintly.
“San Lang…” Xie Lian muttered, looking back again, moisture building in his eyes. Hua Cheng still looked confused and frightened, but there seemed a glimmer of hope in his gaze that was now fixed entirely on him, the real Xie Lian.
The light surrounding Xie Lian started to shine brighter and brighter.
His dream self stopped approaching and asked viciously, “What trickery is this, you monster, you can’t hide behind this light. I have seen you.” But Xie Lian would not have it. “Stop it!” he yelled from the top of his lungs.
He raised his arms in reflex to blast his dream self with spiritual energy, not expecting it to work any better than his physical attacks. But to his astonishment, the light around him flashed, and a beam of energy pushed his opponent a few paces back.
In a matter of seconds, he had followed up with a few more well-placed attacks before his dream self even had the chance to react, and without thinking, he used his other hand to pull Hua Cheng closer behind him.
It took Xie Lian a few seconds to realize he had made physical contact. “San Lang!” he cried happily. Immediately, he fired another strong blast, which hurled his dream self far away into the darkness. He turned around, grabbed Hua Cheng’s hand again, and started running. He had to pull with force for a few steps, but Hua Cheng soon followed him.
Xie Lian kept running until the darkness around them slowly receded, and they seemed to run through a vaguely shaped landscape. Only then did he stop.
He turned to face Hua Cheng, who still covered his face with his free hand. “San Lang, are you okay?” he asked, his voice trembling with worry. Hua Cheng stared at him in disbelief.
“I think something took over my dream,” Xie Lian continued. “Don’t worry, we will figure it out. Like we always do. Together.” He lifted his hand to show off the red bow on his finger, only then noticing there was no such thing on Hua Cheng’s hand. But something about the red string made Hua Cheng’s face twitch in recognition. “A dream?” he repeated, barely audible.
Understanding seemed to dawn on him, and a complicated look crossed his face. He quickly freed his hand from Xie Lian’s grip and turned away, his voice shaking. “I’m sorry, Your Highness.”
“San Lang, what’s going on? What are you apologizing for?” Xie Lian asked, confused, and tried to reach out again carefully, but before his hand could touch Hua Cheng, the world and the both of them faded away into darkness once more.
Xie Lian jolted awake. As he opened his eyes, a bright silver light made him blink in confusion. After a moment, he realized that a bunch of silver butterflies were sitting on his temples, fluttering agitatedly. He shooed them off gently as he sat up and looked around. Yes, he was still in Paradise Manor. Seeing Hua Cheng lying next to him, he sighed in relief.
Hua Cheng seemed to be fast asleep; his brows furrowed, his hands clenched into fists, every muscle incredibly tense.
“San Lang?” Xie Lian carefully stroked Hua Cheng’s forehead. “Please wake up.” Hua Cheng slowly stirred, then suddenly became wide awake. He immediately reached for his eye patch in panic. Feeling the fabric, he sighed in relief. But as he noticed Xie Lian’s concerned gaze, he flinched, a mix of emotions flashing over his face. He swiftly turned away, curling up on the side.
Xie Lian’s brows narrowed with worry. Understanding dawned on him. “San Lang, was this your dream?” A slight nod confirmed his guesses. “What happened? Do you want to talk about it?”
A moment passed before Hua Cheng answered with a strained voice. “I’m not entirely sure. My guess is that I pulled you into my dream by accident. You see, some of the butterflies can influence dreams. It can be used to broadcast visions into the dreams of others, induce nightmares, or lure out subconscious memories. But in this case…”
“When I came back, you were already sleeping, so I lay down to keep you company. I did not want to wake you. You looked so peaceful. But when I fell asleep, I had… a bad dream. An old one.“ He trailed off, seemingly unable to continue. Xie Lian waited patiently and sat a bit closer so Hua Cheng might find some solace in the warmth of his body.
“I think the butterflies pulled you into my dream. Maybe as a way to… ease my burden? At least, you suddenly appeared right in front of me in the middle of it. Well, I guess you saw everything else. No need to explain.”
In the middle of it? Had the dream been going on before the procession? Maybe Hua Cheng had only noticed his presence after he had been able to see the real Xie Lian later on. Yes, that seemed more likely.
“I see, that makes sense.” Xie Lian made an effort to speak as calmly as possible. “I might have seen everything from the beginning. I saw the procession as well…” He trailed off. This must be painful and embarrassing for Hua Cheng. But he wanted to be honest. “I first thought it was my dream, but the more it continued, the more it felt off. I’m glad we got out of there.”
“As if…” Hua Cheng humphed. “As if you would dream something wretched like that…” he continued, barely audible. Xie Lian felt his heart tightened. “San Lang, do you want to turn around?” he gently stroked Hua Cheng’s back. “I… I don’t know if I can…” a low voice answered. “That’s okay. Whatever you need.” Xie Lian said, comforting. He sat there for a while, giving his best to let Hua Cheng feel all his love and care through his gentle touch.
After a while, he heard Hua Cheng whispering. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”
Xie Lian answered calmly, even though his heart felt like bursting from the pain he felt for his husband. “There is nothing you have to apologize for, San Lang. I’m glad I could come to your aid. I want to protect you too, you know.”
He lay down and wrapped his arm around his husband. “Can I ask you something?” Hua Cheng nodded, apparently still not being able to face him, but slowly snuggling up to him. “Do you have dreams like this often? Do you… see yourself like that?”
“Variations of this… yes. I guess you can call that often. It has been less now. But they never vanished entirely… I’m sorry. That must seem so pathetic.”
Xie Lian could not bear it any longer. He very gently encouraged Hua Cheng to turn around, who complied obediently. Finally facing his husband, he carefully placed a hand on his cheek.
“San Lang, you have seen me at my worst. You stood by my side even then, even though I had no idea who you were. And you still see me the way you do. You still love me. It’s not even a question. It never was.” He paused to emphasize the next words. “I want to do the same for you. I swear nothing will ever change the way I feel about you. I love you.” Xie Lian was almost angry with himself for not finding a better way to express all the intense feelings that were welling up inside him. “No matter what you fear or how you see yourself, to me you are the most amazing person I have ever met and will ever meet.”
As Hua Cheng lowered his gaze, it was obvious that he had a hard time hearing those words and even more accepting them, but Xie Lian did not mind at all. He would tell him over and over again, as often as necessary.
“But… gege, I know…” Hua Cheng swallowed, his hands trembling. “I know I’m ugly.” A pain like a thousand needles stabbed Xie Lian’s heart as he listened to the broken voice of his husband finally confessing what Xie Lian had feared for a long time.
It took a lot of effort to pull himself together and answer calmly. “San Lang, I know you don’t see yourself like that – yet – but to me, you are without a doubt the most beautiful, attractive, and handsome person I have ever met.” Hua Cheng still did not manage to look him in the eyes, but Xie Lian continued unfazed, caressing his face with the lightest of touches.
“And I will tell you this – and show you this – every day from now on until you can see yourself the same way I do. I swear. If it takes thousands of days or hundreds of years, I do not care. Please, let me at least try, okay?” Guessing Hua Cheng would never say no to him if he pleaded like this, he felt a bit bad for using this knowledge in this way. But the images of the dream still haunted him, and he had a hard time holding back his tears seeing his husband suffer. He had to do something.
“I love you, San Lang.” He kissed Hua Cheng’s forehead. “I adore everything about you.” He kissed his cheek. Slowly, he touched the eye patch. “May I?” He saw Hua Cheng tense up. Patiently, Xie Lian waited, softly looking at him with all the love he felt in his heart. Hua Cheng nodded hesitantly. Xie Lian carefully removed the eyepatch to place the most gentle of kisses on the scarred skin. “San Lang, I admire you very much.” Gently, he stroked Hua Cheng’s temple. “You are so beautiful.” He cupped his face and placed a long kiss on his lips. “So… don’t you dare insult my husband ever again.” He kissed the tip of his nose with a cheeky smile. Hua Cheng finally looked at him with a weak grin, which made Xie Lian’s heart explode with happiness.
“Also…” he leaned close to Hua Cheng’s ear. “You are very attractive. And very, very…” Xie Lian swallowed before he whispered the next word, almost inaudible, “… sexy.” Hua Cheng’s eye widened, and a small chuckle escaped his mouth. He finally enveloped Xie Lian in a big hug and buried his head tightly in Xie Lian’s neck. “Thank you, gege.” He murmured after a while.
They held each other for some time before Xie Lian said shyly, “Let’s go to sleep, you must be exhausted. Why don’t you turn around again? I would very much like to hold you.” Hua Cheng looked at him surprised but complied immediately with a happy smile on his face. Xie Lian wrapped his arms around his husband. “Thank you, San Lang,” he muttered.
“What are you thanking me for?” Hua Cheng asked, astonished. Xie Lian answered shyly, “For opening up. And for letting me be there for you. It means a lot.” He heard Hua Cheng swallow and whisper with a hoarse voice. “I… You are… Thank you, gege.” Xie Lian felt Hua Cheng snuggle up and held him even tighter.
“Sleep well, San Lang. I won’t allow any more nightmares tonight, don’t worry. You are safe.” After a while, he felt the tension ease and Hua Cheng’s body relax bit by bit, and only then did Xie Lian allow himself to drift off to sleep, holding his beloved husband tight in his arms.