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Jimmy has known Captain Grant Curly for a really long time.
He’s hated him for even longer.
He hated every single part of him so much that it hurt sometimes. He hated how Curly was the exact image of masculinity with his sharp jaw and defined muscle. He hated how his eyes were so blue that he could see his reflection in them. He hated how well he got along with everyone, how women giggled and swooned around him.
They first met in high school. Jimmy, a foster kid, transferred from another expulsion. Back then, he hated everyone and he let it show. Everyone had told him his entire life that he would amount to nothing. He could hear adults whispering to check his things for drugs or stolen goods when he went anywhere. No one liked him and he didn’t like anyone. Then, he saw Curly.
A natural extrovert, he was surrounded by a host of people. He had the kind of laugh that lit up the group, the kind that came from deep in his chest and made his eyes crinkle. Jimmy had hated a lot of people, but he hated Curly the most. He hated him so much that he couldn’t stop staring at him as he passed, so much so that he ended up tripping over his own feet in front of everyone. The lunch tray he was carrying got squished underneath him, destroying his clothes.
Everyone was laughing except for him. The blonde idiot. Curly had run up from the table and helped him to his feet.
From there, Curly made it his personal business to help Jimmy in every part of his life. Evidently, he was so desperate to look good, to feel good about himself, that he would do anything for this poor little abandoned kid that no one else wanted to look at. Curly dragged both himself and Jimmy all the way through high school, then pilot school, then job training, all without a single complaint. No matter what Jimmy did, Curly would be there for him. Jimmy tried everything to shake him. He insulted him, gaslit him, pushed him, shoved him, and yet Curly never left. Yeah, yeah, Captain Grant Curly was a saint for sure.
A saint with his wavy blonde hair, broad chest, bright smile. Jimmy would do anything to knock that stupid smile off his face, just once. To push him down by his collar and…
Jimmy jumped back into the present. He scowled and pulled at the front of his hair. He didn’t know where he was going with that thought and he didn’t want to entertain it anymore. He had work to do.
He pushed himself up from his bed and toward his closet, pulling his uniform off the hanger. Yawning, he pulled his jumpsuit over his shirt and tossed on his boots. He idly ran a hand under his chin. Stubble pricked his fingers, but he was too lazy to shave anytime soon.
Knock knock knock.
“Jimmy!” Curly called, “It’s time to get going. We have some drills to run through today!”
“Yeah, yeah, get off my ass. I’ll be out in a second.”
His footsteps disappeared down the hall and Jimmy leaned against the door, groaning.
By the time he actually made it to the cockpit, Curly was already working. He swirled his chair around and sat down, glancing at the back of Curly’s neck as he did so.
Curly turned and grinned. “Perfect, you’re here! Let’s get started.”
“Curly,” Jimmy said as soon as they finished drills.
“How much longer are you planning on doing this?”
“Well, we still have just over 300 days for this trip-”
“That’s not what I mean and you know it.” Jimmy scowled.
Curly sighed. “Yeah, buddy, I know.”
They sat in silence for a moment before Jimmy asked again. “So?”
“I really don’t know. I mean, we’ve talked about this before. I want to do something else eventually, settle down.”
“With a wife,” Jimmy said.
Curly smiled and looked out the monitors. “Yeah, a wife and kids. It’s what I’ve always wanted. To be a family man. How about you Jimmy? Ever see yourself like that?”
Jimmy felt the immense emptiness in his chest grow. “I don’t think you could ever tie me to just one chick. I like to keep my options open.” His face started to burn.
“Hmm. You know, there is this one girl I met a couple transfers ago. I think, if she’s still available, after this trip I’m going to try and reach out to her.”
There was a look in Curly’s eye. One that was filled with so much peace and hope that Jimmy wanted to pick up a knife and stab it out of him.
“Yeah right,” Jimmy scoffed, “you’re stuck with me and you know it.”
Curly laughed. “Even if I get married, it’s not like I would just leave you behind. You know that I couldn’t.”
“I know. I’m your little pity project,” he sneered, “you’d feel too bad. I don’t need your help, Curly. Just because you think I can’t handle life on my own doesn’t mean you need to treat me like a stray dog.”
“No, Jimmy, I didn’t mean it like that-”
He scoffed, “Forget it. I don’t want to hear it from you.” He jerked up from his seat. “I need a break. I’ll be back in 5.”
The hurt in Curly’s eyes struck his heart.
Good, he thought, be hurt. You deserve it. He spun on his heel and stormed out of the cockpit. On his way to the common room, he blew past an irritated Swansea and a very confused Daisuke who was trying and failing to work on some basic electric maintenance.
“You okay, Jimmy?” Daisuke asked.
He grumbled and kept moving.
“Ignore him, kid,” Swansea said, “he’s always pissy. Trying to get him to be in a good mood is like trying to get a dog to meow. Ain’t gonna happen. Not in his nature.”
Jimmy pointedly ignored that statement and stomped out to the kitchen. Daisuke was an idiot and Swansea was so old he was practically useless. Anything they said was a waste of breath. A sudden throbbing shook his skull. He needed a coffee before he decided to kill someone.
As he poured himself a lukewarm cup, he noticed the final crew member hunched over the counter. Anya looked up at him with her sad, downturned eyes and smiled. Out of everyone, she pissed him off the most. She was always judging him, like she could look straight at his soul. If you asked him, she was just some stupid bitch who was too dumb to do anything else with her life. She needed to take some of that judgement and turn it inward.
Sometimes, Jimmy couldn’t believe that he let Curly talk him into that stupid job. Taking an entire year to be trapped with the stupidest people in the galaxy was the worst idea ever. And yet, whenever Curly came to him with his ideas, he never could fully say no.
“Jimmy,” Anya called.
“What is it?” he growled.
“Um, it’s almost time to do your psych evaluation.”
He groaned. “Are you serious? You’re actually going to make me go through that? Can’t you just make something up and write it down? It’s not like Pony Express even cares about something as stupid as our wittle feewings.”
Anya drew herself inward, wrapped her arms around her shoulders. She was so pathetic. “I’m sorry, but I can’t lie on it. It’s important.”
“Fine, why don’t we do it right now, then.”
“Here?”
He rolled his eyes. “Yes, you idiot, I want the whole crew listening to the dumbest conversation on the planet. Obviously not!”
She closed her eyes and slowly exhaled. “How about we do it in the medical room then.”
“Great idea.”
“Okay, follow me. I think I already have the paperwork out on my desk.”
Jimmy huffed. “At least you know how to do one thing right.”
Once in the medical room, Anya told Jimmy to sit in front of her desk while she got everything ready. He propped his feet up and folded his arms, loudly complaining as he waited. As soon as she was ready, she sat across from him and pressed the tip of a pencil against the Pony Express issued clipboard.
“Okay, let’s begin,” she said.
Halfway though, Anya set down the pencil and sighed.
“Oh come on! It’s just a joke! Why do they even ask that question?” He laughed and leaned back in his chair.
“I think it would be better if we complete this later,” she said carefully.
“Don’t be such a bitch, I was kidding!”
Anya flinched. “What did you call me?”
“A bitch, because you’re being one.” Jimmy urged, “now just hurry up. Let’s get it over with.”
“Sorry, um, I think it would be better if we paused, just for a moment.” She stood up, her hands slightly trembling.
“Whatever.”
As she passed, he reached out and slapped her across her rear. She yelped and jumped backwards. Jimmy laughed.
He tipped his chin up. “Ever the prude, eh Anya? If you ever wanted to change that, my door is always open.”
Her face turned red at the same time her eyes began watering. She marched out and he continued laughing after her.
He sat back and pondered. She was quite an ugly, annoying woman, but the only woman around for hundreds of thousands of miles and Jimmy was a man with needs. He closed his eyes and pictured her topless. At least she wasn’t too fat. He imagined himself groping her, kissing her, pulling her hair. Anya wasn’t much to look at, but it could be fun.
He smirked as he continued to daydream. He could just walk into her room, push her to her knees… he was starting to squirm in his seat just thinking about it. He looked down in his daydream at the person on their knees and was shocked to see blonde curls instead of black hair and blue eyes instead of brown. Somehow, his imagination had captured the perfect picture of Curly sitting between Jimmy’s knees, staring up at him with his bedroom eyes.
Jimmy jumped out of his chair and scrubbed a hand over his face. Damn intrusive thoughts. He was a straight man, and that was no way to picture another dude. Then again, if it was just about sex, he’s heard of plenty of straight guys getting together to get their rocks off. Cowboys, prisoners, sailors, plenty of tough men just doing what needed to be done. Plus, Curly had never said no to him before. Jimmy thought of his friend for a moment. Curly was such a womanly man. He had a full chest, round pink lips, long soft hair, fluttery eyelashes. Honestly, if it wasn’t for the facial hair, Jimmy could’ve been convinced he was just a fat chick.
It didn’t mean that he was gay, it just meant that it had been a while since he had a skirt to jump in. Suddenly, the image of Curly pinned beneath him on a bed appeared in Jimmy’s mind.
It was something to think about. Plus, if he ever did anything interesting with Anya, he was sure that she would feign innocence and claim it was “rape” or something stupid like that. Curly was a man, he would just take it if Jimmy made him. Just two straight men, doing what’s necessary to stay sane on that god awful piece of scrap metal.
Besides, it wouldn’t even be the first time, really. There was a time before, back in pilot school, that Jimmy tried to forget.
It was Curly’s 21st birthday. It wasn’t like they hadn’t snuck a few sips of beer before, but finally they could go out drinking for real. Jimmy, who was a few months older, took Curly to a cheap, rundown bar at the edge of town. They went straight for the hardest drinks they could find, in the process discovering that Curly was a lightweight. It only took one drink and one hidden little pill for him to be slobbering drunk. Jimmy, who was just a little tipsy, dragged him out to the car. Eventually, he decided that staying the night at the motel next door would be safer. He claimed a room for the two of them and dropped Curly off on the stained, queen sized bed. It was just then that Jimmy got a real good look at him for the first time. Out of curiosity, and nothing more, Jimmy decided to take a peek under Curly’s shirt. Curly always had a passion for working out, leaving full pecs and sharp abs. Jimmy wiggled Curly out of his pants next. Thick, defined thighs led down to sturdy calves. Jimmy worked his hand under his friend and felt up his toned back and rear.
The next thing that happened was only natural. After all, they were both drunk, young, horny men. Jimmy had never had a better time in his life. Though, there was one point, towards the very end, that Curly woke up. He didn’t even say anything, he just cried like a woman. Jimmy made sure to give him another pill, just to make sure that he wouldn’t remember. It seemed to have worked, because Curly woke up the next day, hungover but smiling and they never spoke of it again.
Ugh! What was he thinking? That was a one time thing. He was still straight. Any real man with a woman as an option would never have sex with another man. No matter how womanly Curly looked, or felt, Jimmy had to man up.
Later, when Curly pulled him aside to finish his psych evaluation, he couldn’t help but feel a little irritated. Of course Anya went out of her way to avoid him. She was playing hard to get, after all. Jimmy had a plan to change that.
Jimmy studied his friend as they went through the eval. Curly always seemed to keep it together.
That night, he once again found himself thinking of Curly. He also thought about how the bedroom’s didn’t have a lock on them. Suddenly feeling restless, Jimmy pried himself from his sheets and went for a walk around the ship.
The sound of his boots against the metal was calming, and he walked for quite some time. He studied each pipe and rusty screw as he walked from room to room, eventually finding himself in front of Curly’s door.
He pressed the door open and peered inside. Light shone off of the sleeping Captain’s hair. His nose whistled lightly as he slept. Jimmy crept over and stood at the head of his bed. He stared down. His fingers wormed their way up onto Curly’s head, tangling themselves in his hair. His other hand came down against Curly’s jaw, tilting his face upward. Gently, Jimmy knelt down and pressed his lips against Curly’s. His heart sighed and for just a moment, his mind went quiet.
Jimmy opened his eyes and jumped back. What was he doing? He ran out of Curly’s room and pressed his forehead against the cool metal wall. Taking a moment to get his breathing under control, he slouched down. He must’ve been tired, confused.
Clearly, he needed to get off badly. Curly’s door tempted him once again for but a moment before he turned away. There was another place he could go.
His shadow stretched across Anya’s door for only a moment before he opened it and slipped inside.
He was out again before the common room screen could change to orange.
Somehow, afterward, he felt no better than before. In fact, he felt completely disgusted. He guessed that Anya really was too ugly a woman to be worth his time again. As he returned to his room, he spared a glance at Curly’s door.
He really did hate that man.