Chapter Text
It’s not the first time it happens. It’s not even the worst. It’s just the final straw.
Izuku jolts awake so forcefully that Katsuki, ready for an attack, fires off a half-conscious explosion. It hits Izuku in the chest and as he’s knocked back, tumbling out of their bed, his legs flail and one of Izuku’s feet connects with Katsuki’s nose. There’s a crunch and he swears, as he falls out of bed and rolls his feet, one hand raised. Katsuki blinks rapidly, fully awake now. They’re both standing, both poised for a fight. Izuku no longer has a quirk so he’s taken to wearing his Black Whip support glove to bed. Just one at night, that was the deal. Those tendrils, a mere phantom of the real thing are pointed menacingly, at Katsuki.
They both deactivate their quirks at the same time, panting at each other over their bed, and Katsuki huffs as Izuku’s shoulders relax.
“Nerd,” He tries to say but his speech is garbled.
“Kacchan,” The light snaps on, bathing the room in a soft glow. Izuku gives him a pained look and bounds over the bed. “You’re bleeding.” He says, tired eyes going dark, hands hovering near Katsuki’s face but not touching him.
“Yeah?” Katsuki asks sarcastically.
Izuku drags him to their bathroom and sets him on the toilet seat, murmuring apologies while he retrieves the first aid kit. There’s a quirk-based ointment that stops bleeding and does minimal tissue repair work. It must not be bad enough that they have to go to the hospital. Small miracles. “Hold still.”
Katsuki rolls his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose, wincing as the ointment goes to work. Damn. He really thought tonight was the night they’d be able to pull it off.
They’d had a calm evening, he’d made sure of it. Izuku was caught up on grading, Katsuki had an easy patrol and filed a shit ton of paperwork. They ordered out. They had sex. They took a relaxing bath together and did face masks….
So why? Why?
“Was this my fault?” Izuku asks.
It was, but that’s not how he’d put it. “Almost caved my face in with your foot. Your subconscious trying to fight me, Nerd?”
He tries to smile but the ointment is fizzing and it hurts to move his face.
“I’m going to go clean up.” Izuku leans forward and kisses his forehead, Katsuki swings him back and kisses his hand before he has a chance to leave, attempting to interrupt Izuku’s thoughts of self-hatred for the damage.
“This is nothing,” Katsuki assures him. Izuku smiles weakly back, nods once, and leaves.
This isn’t the first time this has happened but each subsequent event weighs heavier than the last. After the War, many new-age pro heroes were faced with, what did therapists call it? Growing pains when it came to integrating back into daily life. Izuku’s growing pains involve nightmares, waking up sobbing and bouts of sleepwalking. Katsuki’s growing pains look like sleep paralysis, insomnia, and more frequently, being an asshole again. Snapping, forgetting his progress, hurting people rather than voicing an emotional need or whatever. The result? Sleeping in the same bed together has become hazardous at best, and impossible at its worst. And they’re at their worst.
When his nose finishes popping and fizzing, he looks in the mirror and sighs. The light bruises around his eyes aren’t from this, they’re from trying and failing to let sleep take him. He loves Izuku. He’d be in the same room with him all the time if it were practical and he thinks he’s done a pretty good job at curbing that particular obsession so why can’t they even sleep together through the night? That doesn’t seem like too much to ask for after all they’ve been through. Why shouldn’t he get the fucking human comfort of Izuku’s warm body next to his at night? It’s what he wants. So why?
He saunters back into their bedroom to see that the sheets have been changed, pillows rearranged into a wall between their two sides, and Izuku sitting on the edge of the bed, staring off into space.
Katsuki sighs and slips back under the sheets, flicking the light off. He feels Izuku jolt in the dark.
“Nerd,” He says, hand going over the pillow barrier, searching. Fingers intertwine with his and squeeze. “Don’t go thinking this was your fault. I know you’re spiraling. Let’s talk in the morning.”
Izuku is quiet for too long and Katsuki starts to get itchy, chest constricting. It’s another after-war effect, but Izuku is quieter now, and not as eager to share theories and thoughts.
“Yeah, okay Kacchan.”
Katsuki throws a leg over the pillows and hugs another to his chest petulantly as Izuku shifts further toward the edge of his side, away from him. Katsuki knows this is a strategic move, meant to keep him safe, but it starts gnawing at him from the inside out, planting a bitter seed.
Izuku is trying to save Katsuki by putting physical distance between them.
It feels like shit.
∆∆∆
“Let’s try something tonight,” Katsuki says, plopping down at the breakfast table.
“What did you have in mind?” Izuku asks mechanically, sipping a green tea. He can’t stomach much else in the morning anymore. Katsuki doesn’t blame him, he’s the same now. His love of spicy food was taken after surgery number three. Being punctured a few times and literally dying tends to make internal organs and processes less cooperative. Bland is all he does now.
“Gonna snag some quirk-canceling cuffs at work today.”
Izuku nods slowly like this is something he’s already thought of and in his mind-scenario, didn’t work.
“I can stop wearing Black Whip-”
Katsuki shakes his head.
“We tried that last month and you were too paranoid to sleep.”
Izuku’s shoulders sag and he worries his lip. That hadn’t been a fun night either. Izuku had awoken, screaming bloody murder, and had raised his hand to use Black Whip (Which wasn’t there because the gloves weren’t on) and then started hyperventilating because, between waking and sleep, he’d forgotten he was quirkless without support items.
“Right,” Izuku says, eyes far away like he’s back at that night. Or the war. Or one of the other several fucking tragedies they were expected to handle as teenagers.
It had taken Izuku hours to calm down. Katsuki sat with him through it all and it was fucking hard to see him in that much pain, after that night something had changed. Izuku was careful not to touch him at night. Like physical contact would break the uneasy peace they’d had for a while at night after that. It didn’t last. If made them both feel like failures.
Izuku had taken himself to the guestroom later that week. Katsuki curled into their bed and tried not to feel pathetic and lonely. That left plenty of room for anger.
They’d both ended up sleeping, separately, but sleeping. Katsuki didn’t feel good about it what that might mean.
“Hey,” Katsuki moves around the table to stand between his boyfriend’s legs. He uses the train wreck of a tie-job to gently pull Izuku closer, kissing him softly on the mouth. He tastes like butter. Like their toothpaste, and a little like rust because he gnaws on his lip. “We’re gonna try things, and eventually something’s gonna stick. Okay?”
Izuku smiles sadly up at him. Katsuki leans in and bites his cheek, trying to lighten the mood. Izuku chuckles and pats his back. “Okay, Kacchan.”
It’s not going to work. But it was a nice idea.
∆∆∆
“Bakugou, how can I help you?”
“Need quirk canceling equipment.”
Specs in research and development stares at him, a haughty eyebrow raised. They don’t interact often at the agency but when they do there’s no pretense. Katsuki doesn’t fuck with Specs, and, after a few too many damaged gauntlets, Specs doesn’t like seeing his mug either.
“...I didn’t see that mission equipment order form come through on my end.”
Katsuki tries to sound angry, but he’s too tired. “S’not for a mission , it’s for me.”
“...”
What a shithead. He doesn’t have time for this. “I know this ain’t the first fucking time someone from our class has asked you for something like this so what the fuck is the problem?”
“I don’t want to hand over company property to be wrecked so you can get off with your boyfriend.”
The last thread of calm he has snaps. “Fuck you.” It comes out cracked.
“That’s now how you ask for help.” Specs sounds unsure, looking at him.
“Fuck you , it’s not for that shit, it’s for me so I can sleep through the night without accidentally blasting his ass out of bed and so he can rest easy knowing I’m there.” The truth sounds stupid, but he doesn’t know what else to do.
Their face falls.
“Yeah. Not some big fucking joke now, is it? It’s a war hero asking for a favor because his boyfriend who is an even greater war hero needs to sleep. That gonna be a problem?” His ears are burning, his breath is coming too thin.
Specs must notice because their tone softens. Katsuki hates that. “I didn’t know you guys had that…come up.”
“Can I have the cuffs or fucking not?”
“We went through something similar, I’m here when these don’t work.” They mean their partner. Katsuki doesn’t remember their name.
“Love the fucking enthusiasm, thanks.”
“Just…sorry. I’m here with next steps if you need them.”
“Needed these . Not your half-assed pity.”
“They’re yours.” They say, clicking their keyboard swiftly and shoving the cuffs over their desk toward Katsuki. “Permanently. Let’s say these got lost in last week’s explosion.”
He grunts and leaves the lab, too pissed to say thank you. He struts toward the elevators, resisting the urge to kick a table of support item upgrades waiting to be tested.
This conversation took longer than he wanted it to. It was embarrassing to ask for fucking help, and then he’d gotten the 3rd degree by a fucking extra asshole. Worst of all? If this doesn’t work he won’t be able to sleep next to Izuku, won’t hear the sound of him breathing. Won’t sleep at all when that snore-whistle isn’t part of his opening REM credits.
He really needs these to work.
∆∆∆
The quirk handcuffs are that. Handcuffs. The enraged panic he feels for cuffs born from having his hands restrained, unfortunately, hasn’t changed. That hadn’t been from villain shit. No, that had been from his teachers during the sports festival he’d won and not during his capture with the League of Villians, or the War. Go fucking figure.
He wakes with a start, unable to move his body. His heart beats erratically, not understanding why he’s up and also not. Fuck. Sleep paralysis isn’t the worst manifestation of trauma, but it’s still a bitch. He tries to remind himself that it will pass. That nothing he’s seeing is real. None of his teachers are here taunting him. A fucky villain version of Izuku isn’t waterboarding him, and some weirdo doctor isn’t injecting his palms with dry ice. That last one feels so real that he forgets how to breathe and when his body is back in his control he surges up in bed, gasping, tears running down his chin. Izuku’s worried face hovering above him is not ideal. He’s so keyed up he breaks the handcuffs, bruising both wrists so badly that he can barely use his quirk the next day on patrol, screams at the villain version of Izuku in his recently vacated nightmare, until the real one in front of him cries, and then spends the rest of the night apologizing. That can’t happen again.
∆∆∆
“Sometimes when I’m sleeping with Sho-”
Hanta pauses, waiting for Katsuki to interrupt wherever he’s going, side-eyeing him.
“Yeah?” He urges, folding his arms over his chest and bouncing his leg.
Hanta’s office is smaller than his so he feels like the walls are pressing in. He’d also just overshared his relationship-trauma shit with someone for the second time in a week.
“Well…He has gnarly night terrors. He sleeps with quirk nullifiers on.”
Katsuki frowns. “I already tried those. Thought you said you used your quirk to mummify his arms.”
Hanta smiles sadly. “It didn’t work. He’d shred them or burn them up in his sleep. We had to ask Mei for an alternative…maybe that will work for you guys too.”
Fuck he knows he’s lucky to be able to relate to his friends in this way but also fuck everything ever in life that they have to relate to each other in this motherfucking way.
“S’not fair.” He mumbles.
“Nah.” Hanta agrees, texting Katsuki inventor chick’s number.
He gets the ping, stands, and heads toward the door, turning back at the last minute.
“Hey.” He says, gruffly.
“Yeah, bud?”
Hanta Sero has grown into his gangly-ass limbs. He now wears an undercut interrupted by a neat ponytail at the back of his skull and a few tattoos etched on his hands. He looks good but tired. He’s been on desk duty for a week recovering from shattered ribs. He’d heard Icy Hot was so hysterical at the hospital that he had to be sedated. These fuckers really love each other. So he has to ask…
Do you sleep in the same bed now?
“...Nothing. Thanks.”
Katsuki decides he’ll punch something and throw up—fuck the order—if Tape Face says they don’t.
∆∆∆
By Wednesday Katsuki has custom-made HatsuMei Industries quirk-nullifers. They come in a package labeled “Un-Dynamights”. He texts her a middle finger and gets a picture of a Pomeranian puppy back. Fuck her, but also thank gods for her.
He slips the nullifers on and waits for them to itch. But they’re fucking comfortable. Designed for sleep, not too tight, and a perfect fit. He hates them. He hates hurting his boyfriend more though.
Katsuki feels anxious, and itchy. He can’t sleep because he’s so worried about someone coming in, getting past their building’s security, getting past his high-tech security, getting past the alarm system on the way to their bedroom, and not waking in time if someone kicks the door to their room in. He knows Izuku is a capable hero without a quirk, but he still gets scared. It’s on him now. If anything happens to Izuku it’s on him now.
Izuku wakes flailing from a nightmare, but not before kicking Katsuki so hard in his stomach that he in turn wakes up gagging.
After they confirm he doesn’t have any internal injuries, Izuku slinks off to the guest room again. Katsuki slams his head back onto the pillows and seethes.
On Thursday Izuku takes an edible and passes out. Katsuki sleeps without the Un-Dynamights and with sweat-wicking gloves so his quirk can’t activate without a lot of sweat. It ends up going so well that Katsuki snuggles closer to Izuku, tossing some of the pillows from the seemingly permanent barricade aside so he can do so, and starts quietly crying because fuck he misses being this close to the Nerd without something going wrong.
Izuku wakes up groggy and out of it. Katsuki wakes up feeling emotionally run down.
That’s not gonna fly either.