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I’m done...
I’m done... being the butt of every joke... I’m just trying to express myself, busting my ass off, and what did I get in return?
A fucking cup of punch thrown at my face...
I didn’t want to play fucking bass...
I know I am good at guitar... I’m probably the best at school! But they never gave me a chance to shine!
They keep sabotaging me... first Naser and his assholes friends... and now this.
I’m not an idiot... a string doesn’t snap like that for no reason...
For whom did it... honestly at this point I don’t even fucking care.
Every single time I want to do something my way... people feel the need to stick their nose into my business... as if I am not able to make my own decisions... fuckers...
Not my friends... not my family...
They are only dragging me down...
Even Anon...
Fuck...
Anon...
I thought I had finally found someone that understood me... someone that loved me for who I am... instead he was just a pawn of that para bitch...
Look at him... sleeping like nothing fucking happened...
But...
...
But he did let me stay... nothing is forcing him into doing this, now that I know everything... he could have simply kicked me out... or at least called someone to pick me up...
Maybe...
...
N-no Fang! Fuck that! Stop relying on others once in your shitty life and make your own fucking decisions now that you can.
Take back control of your life Goddammit!
I slowly turn around to check if Anon is still asleep.
Yep, completely out.
I get up from the bed without making a noise and I tiptoe around the room to get my things-
Why am I feeling chilly?
...
FUCK! My pants are in the bathroom...
...
...
...
Alright... everything seems fine, and I got everything.
Anon didn’t wake up.
I carefully close the door behind me.
Don’t look back...
I don’t want to screw this up...
I can’t screw this up... by having last minute doubts.
...
I guess this is the last time we will see each other...
or maybe not... who knows... who cares...
I just...
Shit...
I can’t cry now... stop it! Fuck!
Breath... just breath... keep focusing on yourself...
The only one you can truly trust...
Goodbye, dwe-... Anon.
I wish you the best.
Fucking hell... am I really doing this?
There is no coming back after this...
WHY IS IT SO FUCKING DIFFICULT!?
I scream mentally while my finger hovers shakily near the safe keypad.
C’mon... you can do this...
...
Fuck it!
I digit the numbers...
Aaand...
Open...
They still haven’t changed it... Eh... dad sure is clueless sometimes...
Here they are! Our emergency savings!
I desperately need those considering that I’m basically flat broke right now.
Wait, is that...
...
Dad’s revolver... and it’s loaded...
...
What if...
...
No...
...
It’s not worth it... that would be like admitting that they were right about me when they said I am just a freak and a psycho bitch...
...
I will show them... but my way...
I’m not ending my life for people like them...
Especially not for someone like that pink cocksucker!
Even though I’d reeeaaaaaally love to put a bullet between her eyes...
Whatever... fuck her and her stupid fucking plans. She won’t be my problem anymore.
Everybody will see what I can really do!
How everybody was wrong about me!
...
... I hope...
Ok, I only need to get my guitars, some clean clothes and get the hell out of here before anybody realizes that I’m here.
Good thing I learned how to sneak around the house.
Oh crap... I can’t keep my phone... Dad would use it to track me down!
FUUUUUUCK!
...
Fine... I’ll just get a new one. Goodbye old friend.
...
Mom... dad... Naser... I’m sorry...
Call me an ingrate... a bad daughter and a terrible sister...
But the reality is that you are just too much for someone like me.
I’m doing you a favor by doing this.
I know that deep down you will be happier without me...
Here I am standing right outside, under the night sky... with a guitar on each shoulder and a bag full of cash...
All by myself and ready to start over.
“Shit... this is so scary... and it will be fucking rough...”
This time I can’t help but give one last look at my soon-to-be previous home.
“*Sigh*... Here goes nothing, then...”
10 YEARS LATER
* Yawn ! *
“Man... sure it is boring today...”
I whine as I try to figure out how to scrape off the paint from the ceiling by just staring at it while laying alone on the couch of my apartment still in my pajamas...
...or rather I should say of my mansion.
Yep, I hit the jackpot, that’s for sure... but on days like these I wonder if I really need all of this.
I mean... I’ve never been a person to show off my wealth to the public.
But also... why the fuck not? It’s my money and I spend it as I please!
I turn my head and stare at the wall in my living room where dozens of newspaper hit pieces are framed, alongside my gold and platinum records.
Man... When I received those, I almost pissed myself for how happy I was.
Now though...
They are just shiny wall ornaments.
The magic sure vanished quicker than I thought...
...
Urgh... what the fuck is wrong with me!?
This is exactly what I always wanted!
Why am I feeling like this!?
And why the fuck now?
This doesn’t make any sense...
...
Wait a sec... oh... right... maybe it was around this time of the year...
Yeah... it kinda does make some sense...
I get up groaning groggily, stretching every limb and making most of my joints to loudly pop.
Fuck... I thought it was just a joke that you start feeling old when you’re close to your thirties...
I approach the myriads of frames, staring at them with my arm crossed and wearing a rather unimpressed expression while reading the various headlines and titles.
‘The new young STAR of Volcadera!’
‘Lucy, The Runaway Angel blasts through the music industry!’
‘Caldera Fest tickets sold out after Lucy’s presence confirmation!’
...
“The Runaway Angel... Tsk...” I click my tongue after saying that God awful nickname out loud...
At least it was good for marketing in the beginning...
I stare at the photos in the articles... of a slightly younger me... maybe I was twenty-three or twenty-four...
Raptor Jesus, I still can’t believe that I managed to get out of that shithole that is Skin Row that fast!
...
No wait... scratch that.
After all the pain I endured, the bloody fingers and shredded throats I got for pouring my everything into my music...
The humiliations that I had suffered working in those crappy places... even if it wasn’t for that long it felt like an eternity...
I deserve this and more, for fuck’s sake!
And I only have to thank myself for that.
Nobody else.
“Can you see now you fuckers? This was ALL ME!” I gloat to an invisible audience waving my arm triumphantly.
“I can take care of myself...”
“No, you don’t.”
I almost screamed for the scare, jolting backward and assuming a defensive stance with my wings flared behind me and my talons ready to be unleashed upon my assailant.
...
Only to see a short black hair middle-aged Pterodactyl woman with petrol-colored scales, wearing a suit, leering down on me with her beak twisted in a frown.
“Fucking hell, Gwen! You scared me!”
“Oh, I’m so sorry! Have I interrupted your ego stroking session?” She sarcastically questions me while crossing her arms and tilting her head to accentuate her displeasure.
“What? Why are you mad-?”
Ooooh... crap.... Maybe I owe her an apology.
“Oh... hehehe... S-sorry... I didn’t mean to belittle your effor-”
“Do I have to remind you that if it wasn’t for me, right now you would still be playing in that Pizza Place in Skin Row, for a fraction of a fraction... of another fraction of what fills your pockets right now?”
“Ok, ok! I’m sorry! You helped me a lot in achieving my success! Geez... since when you’re that grumpy?”
“I don’t know... How long have we known each other?”
“Oh, fuck off, you old skank!”
“Bitch please... I’m not that older than you.”
“Yes, you are.” I answer back with my hands on my hips, bobbing my head sideways with a mocking grin plastered on my face.
After a brief pause, we both cracked into laughter.
She always finds a way to make me feel a little better.
“Aaah... joking aside, what are you doing here, Gwen?”
“Do I need a reason to visit my favorite client?”
“Ugh... I hate when you start with your agent bullshits...”
For how much I hate it to admit... She's Goddamn good at her job. Not only she is my agent but also my manager, and she helped me get deep inside the music industry through her agency in no time.
Meeting her by chance during her usual scouting, looking for untapped potential in the most absurd places of Volcadera was my turning point, no doubt about that.
I needed to keep myself hidden from my dad, away from any familiar faces... and Skin Row was my only option if I didn’t want to burn all my savings while I was building my career as a musician.
Still... every day I feared running into... him...
But that never happened...
Not even once... I can’t even remember his voice anymore... he is just a faint memory at this point...
...
“Ok, fiiine... I wanted to discuss a few things about your schedule for the year.” Gwen reveals while abandoning her fake jovial attitude as I see past her true intentions.
“Boooring... couldn’t you just send me an email about it?”
“And letting you drown in your usual self-loathing? Not in a million years. My paycheck also depends on your wellbeing, my girl.”
“Hey! No, I wasn’t! And I don’t need a fucking nanny! I’m fine!”
“Are you sure about that? What was that little scene from moments ago, then? It looked like you were trying to cheer yourself up.”
“S-shut up!”
...
Oh right... She also always makes sure I don’t do stupid things...
God, I hate it when she is right... she does have a double of my keys for a reason...
“It’s... It’s just one of those days... nothing serious...”
“Yeah, yeah... I figured. I was close by, doing some other tasks and I decided to pay you a visit.”
She takes a seat at the large table in the living room where she pulls out her laptop from her bag. I grab a bottle of scotch laying nearby with two glasses before sitting myself next to her.
“What?” I ask her as she looks at me with a VERY questioning look.
“Should I be concerned about that?”
“Ugh... C’mon what are you so worried about?”
“Lucy... it’s not even noon.”
“You’re no fun...”
“*Sigh*... pass that glass.”
I grin before pouring the smoky alcohol for the both of us.
We raise our glasses before taking a sip. I almost gulp mine whole, while she only tilts hers slightly, savoring it for the taste rather than for the numbing kick.
“At least you have good taste, I’ll give you that... but seriously, you becoming an alcoholic is the last thing I need right now, especially after all the shit we’ve been through to make you stop preening.”
“Don’t you worry about that. That’s not something I’m planning to do. Everything is under control.”
“If you say so...”
I roll my eyes in annoyance.
Thanks for the trust... *Sigh*... I fish out a cigarette from a box in the middle of the table and light it up with the lighter in my pocket, taking a small drag and puffing a small cloud of smoke above myself, not wanting to bother Gwen with it.
Man... it’s still weird to light this super fancy cigs brand with a cheap pink bic...
“So, what did you want to talk about?”
“Alright, let’s get down to business!”
She proclaimed with a smirk, puffing her chest while quickly opening several graphs and documents full of data and numbers on her computer for me to see.
“As you probably know, your popularity here in Volcadera is undoubtedly strong and evident. Your album sales are steadily growing with no signs of slowing down, and thanks to the wonders of the internet, your music is quickly spreading all over Pangea.”
“Yeah, no joke! Lately I can’t go outside without being swarmed by paparazzi or rabid fans!”
“Oh, don’t be like that! I know people that would kill to be in your position!”
“Uh... I guess...”
“So... I believe now is the perfect time for you to Tour around the world!”
“Another one!? Are you shitting me? We just got back after travelling no stop!”
“True, but our stops were places with similar demographics to Volcadera. Now we need to stop playing safe and aim higher since the public is getting more familiar with you.”
“UGH! Do I really have to?”
“Hey, I’m just laying everything out to you here. It could be a true milestone if you manage to get a following even from these less accepting places... but as always, the choice is yours. What do you think?”
One thing I always appreciated about her approach is that she never went full-control freak. Sure, she is demanding and hella naggin’ at times but never on stuff I don’t fully agree with.
The final decision is always on me.
Unlike someone I used to know...
“Even if it sounds like a huge pain in my ass... you never made me regret agreeing with you. You know your shit like no one else does.”
“Well, not to brag... but I have quite the track record for unleashing the true potential of emerging stars.”
“I know... you say that at every possible occasion.”
“No, I don’t!”
“Yes, you do... you did twice during our last interview yesterday. You kept talking about how you also contributed to making Nick Balor and the Swamp Babies into the smash hit that they are now... even though I was the focus of the interview.”
I stare back at her with my best “Gotcha Bitch! -face” while hers began to tint into a dark shade of red.
“W-well... *Clear throat* It’s good publicity to let everybody know that you’re working with capable people. It was just a PR move.”
“Yeeeaaah riiight... totally wasn’t you... how did you say it earlier? ‘Stroking your own ego’?”
She didn’t even try to fight back this time and simply took a big sip from her glass.
I snort at her, causing her to sigh resigned.
“So... where are we going this time?”
“Uh? Oh! Right, right... Let's see... I should have a list of the places we’ll be visiting somewhere in this folder... ah-AH! Found it!” She exclaimed triumphantly after searching for a bit in her laptop, looking for the specific doc.
She then moved the screen to make it face me directly for me to have a clear view of the list of names.
I lean over to it with a bored expression.
“Alright... first destination is-”
I freeze like a deer caught in headlights.
“Oh, fuck no! You must be joking!”
“I know, I know... not the prettiest of places, but I can assure you it got much better over the years. The locals now are WAY more accepting than before thanks to the economy getting more reliant on tourism. The dino population skyrocketed in the last couple of years. Money can turn even the most hardcore skinnie bigot into a scalie lover. Also, the newest generations-”
Gwen’s words don’t register as my mind now is somewhere else...
My eyes are locked on the first town name on that fucking list...
ROCK BOTTOM
The last time I heard about that place... was a decade ago... is this a sick joke...?
“Lucy?”
“Huwhat!?” I jolted upwards in my seat, shaking my head as I regained some composure.
“Are you okay? You look paler than usual... and you look like you have seen a ghost.”
“Gwen... Rock Bottom...”
“Yeah?”
“That’s his hometown.”
“’His’ hometown?” She repeats my words, squinting her eyes and tilting her head, not understanding who I am alluding to.
Her eyes widened as the gears in her head started turning, figuring out the reasons for my shock.
“Don’t tell me you are talking about your high school ex-boyfriend!”
The disbelief in her voice causes me to avert my eyes in embarrassment. I answered her question with a shaky nod.
She pinches the bridge of her nose with a frustrated groan.
“For God’s sake, Lucy... you can’t be serious! That was ten years ago!”
I try to hide my shame by taking a full swig directly from the bottle.
“You need to move on-”
“I KNOW THAT! It’s not like I haven’t fucking tried to do so!” I snarl at the ptero woman in front of me, slamming the thick glass container loudly on the table.
Crap... I didn’t mean to lash out like that.
“Sorry... it’s just... fuck... I don’t even know what happened to him after that night...”
“That’s ok... I can understand why you are that upset about it... everybody else from your past reached out in one way or another... you still haven’t read any of their letters or emails, though… ”
Yeah, they did... such hypocrites... they never gave a shit when I was a nobody... not even Trish... I was just some steppingstone for her to get out of her shitty life... but now that I’m rich and famous all of a sudden, they all want me back in their lives. Isn’t that fucking surprising?
I even sent a check to my parents, repaying them for the money that I took that day with a little extra.
I won’t give them that satisfaction to hold it against me.
I have no obligation towards them now. They can focus all their attention on the “right child”.
“Well, fuck them. They pretty much abandoned me in the first place... I don’t need them.”
“I mean... you kind of ran away, y’know... It’s understandable why they would be happy to see that you are doing ok-”
“Gwen.” I cut her off, staring at her with seething anger.
“Drop it. You know that I don’t like to talk about that.”
“Ok, ok... forget I said anything...” She surrenders, raising her hands in defeat.
“Thanks...”
“So, what do you want to do now?”
“Uh?”
“Do you want to skip to the next destination?”
Should I? I don’t fucking know...
...
“No... There's no reason to run away now... besides there’s no guarantee that I’ll meet him there... he was still here in Volcadera last time I saw him... and now he could be in Rexico or some other God forsaken place as far as I know.”
Yeah... fuck him too. It will be a pleasure for me to make him eat his liver, seeing my face plastered all over his hometown walls and billboards if he ever returns there.
“Good. That saves me from a lot of work.”
“Yeah, whatever...”
“May I ask you something, Lucy?”
“What now?”
“What was the last time you got with someone?”
“What’s that supposed to mean? You know that I’m not shy about my hookups, and you always accompany me during the after shows.”
“C’mon, you know what I mean... have you tried seriously dating someone again?”
“Urgh... this again? You’re insufferable...”
“I’ll take that as a ‘no’.”
“For your information, I fucking did! Men... women... dinos... humans... but nothing worked... considering also that most of those assholes only wanted a piece of the new hotness in town... none of them really liked me... I always needed to become someone I wasn’t...”
“Uh-huh... right...”
“Screw you! must be REALLY nice to have Prince Charming waiting for you every day at home!”
“My husband is far from that, my girl.”
As if on cue, Gwen’s phone started ringing.
“Speaking of the devil.” She commented with a not so surprised look while staring at the small device in her scaly petrol hand.
“Hey, hon’... All good, I’m with Lucy now... Yeah... Yeah, yeah! Don’t worry about it! Tell the kids I’ll be there in a moment. Love you, see you soon!”
I roll my eyes, getting up from my seat.
I grab one of the many guitars hanging from the wall stands in my house and I plop back on the sofa.
“I assume we’re done here.” I say nonchalantly, strumming a few chords out of boredom.
“That’s correct, sorry. I wanted to spend the rest of the day with them since we’ll be pretty busy in the following weeks.”
“You had planned everything out already, didn’t you?” My hands stop as I narrow my gaze in an accusatory manner.
“I just had a gut feeling that you would have agreed with me… and no. Believe it or not, I wouldn’t have forced you to do it if you didn’t feel like it. I would have just needed to find someone else who would have.
You know I’m good at finding people with talent.” She taunts me with her hands on her hips and with a shit-eating grin.
You are… but still, fuck you bitch. Be grateful that you are my only friend.
“Sure... whatever… enjoy your time with your man and little monsters.”
“You can come with me if you want. You know that you are always welcome at our house.”
“Pass... I don’t want to ruin the mood.”
“Lucy...”
“Just go... but thanks… I appreciate the sentiment.”
“Alright, as you wish... see you tomorrow, then. I’ll send you the details later so that you can organize yourself with everything.”
“Cool. See ya, thanks for the visit. Tell them I said ‘hi’.”
“Will do. Bye!”
I waved halfheartedly without looking at her, but I can tell from her voice that she was disappointed by my answer.
Sorry Gwen... but right now I can’t bear the view of your happy family...
...
Must be really nice to have one...
To have someone to share your achievements with...
Or even just someone that truly cares without ulterior motives...
...
I stop trying to play the guitar and drop it on the floor with a light thud.
I’m just too distracted... by everything...
I turn on my back and stare at the ceiling. Hello friend, I’m back.
I take another drag from the cancer stick in my mouth, resting my hands on my lap while still holding it between my fingers.
...
Did I do the right thing?
Did I make the right choices?
I am successful... and my efforts are showing results... and everybody loves me...
So, then... Why am I feeling like this?
So empty... and lonely...
...
...
Why haven’t you reached out to me?
“FUCK!”
I curse as the brace of the consumed cigarette burns my fingers.
I fling it to the floor, shaking my hand violently to cool it down.
I hastily stomp on it to snuff it out. I’d rather not die in a house fire.
...
Shit...
C’mon, Lucy... you just need to keep going... like you always did...
It will get better eventually...
It has to...
ONE WEEK LATER
“Finally! I was afraid you forgot about the rehearsal!”
Gwen, as usual, scolds me for being late.
It was already a miracle I managed to get out of bed...
“Yeah, yeah... I know, sorry... didn’t sleep much yesterday...”
I glance over the recording studio, seeing the rest of the crew chatting with each other ready with their instruments.
Probably talking shit about me...
So be it. I don’t fucking care.
I don’t even remember their names. It’s not like I have a permanent group now... I just stick with whoever Gwen finds available for that time. The only thing that matters is that they can play nicely with me and my lyrics.
I remove my biker jacket, throwing it carelessly to a nearby couch.
Uhm... maybe I should try changing my look a bit. Even if now my clothes are all custom made and cost an insane amount of money... I’m still rocking the same black top with black pants and boots combo. The only difference is the brand... and size obviously.
I like the jacket, though. It’s an old black leather vest I bought in a charity auction with vintage musician items. Apparently, it belonged to some unnamed singer, and it gained some artistic value for some weird reason.
Eh, whatever, it’s cool and it gives me a more mature look.
I join the rest while I tune out the ptero agent’s nagging.
I bet she loves the sound of her voice.
My eyes remain fixated on my phone as I keep scrolling through the wall of text that I was checking out this morning.
“What are you reading that is so interesting to distract you that much?” She asks me, waving a hand in front of my face to get my attention.
“Uh? No... nothing... just reading stuff about Rock Bottom... out of curiosity...”
“Really? Is that why you didn’t sleep yesterday?”
“... maybe...”
“For the love of-... FINE! It’s fine... actually, that is not a bad thing. Being prepared on what to expect is a smart thing to do.”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Alright, everybody! Now that we’re all here, we can start! We only have a few days before the Tour begins. The new single will be our opening piece, so we need to be perfect for it. Chop, chop Lucy!”
I turn off my phone and put it back in my pocket.
My paranoia can wait for now.
Of the few things that will never change is that playing my guitar is and I’m sure will forever be a reliable source of happiness and comfort for me.
One of the rare moments where I can truly be myself and scream about what I keep locked inside of me every single day.
I still shiver... at the thought of what could have happened if I didn’t use this... thing... inside of me for myself... about what would have happened if I had allowed it to control me instead.
Raptor Jesus... I still have nightmares of that fucking revolver...
But I will never surrender... to whatever my head believed I needed to be at that time.
I’m stronger now.
I quickly pick up my guitar from the case and plug it in the amp.
I give a quick nod to every person around me to let them know that I’m ready.
Uh... they look more excited than I thought...they are even smiling at me... maybe I was thinking too much like a bitch than they deserved...
Who cares!
It’s ME time now!
I give a thumbs up to Gwen to which she signals the staff to start the base of the song from the corresponding console, tinkering with various buttons and levers to adjust the tones and sounds.
Fuck yes! In a few hours, I’m going to be in “dopamine-land”!
...
Yeesh... I sound like a junkie... well, at least it’s not like I’m doing anything bad... like doing actual drugs-
AAAARGH! LUCY FOCUS FOR FUCK’S SAKE!
Just focus on the lyrics...
The damn lyrics...
I close my eyes...
Breathe in... breathe out... just... don’t think of anything else...
Let everything out... don’t let it control you...
Don’t let it break you... it took you years... but you’re stronger now...
Afraid of the way I'm feeling when I say
That I should know better than to break down
I don't even know myself
All I see is someone else
And I won't let it pull me down, I've had enough
It won't stop feeding 'till my body self-destructs
I won't let it pull me down, I've had enough
I've had enough
I created a monster inside of my head
And it's eating me alive
I created the demons, I once believed in
To get me through the night
Facing every fear 'till my blood's cold
Bigger than the ghosts that haunt my hopes
I'm not scared any longer
I'm stronger than my monsters
The sound of trouble as it follows me down
Trembling beneath my feet
It shakes me
Trapped in my own private hell
Trying to escape myself
Trying to escape myself
And I won't let it pull me down, I've had enough
It won't stop feeding 'till my body self-destructs
I created a monster inside of my head
And it's eating me alive
I created the demons, I once believed in
To get me through the night
Facing every fear 'till my blood's cold
Bigger than the ghosts that haunt my hopes
I'm not scared any longer
I'm stronger than my monsters
No silence can keep me
As long as I keep breathing
I know I'll make it one more night
I created a monster inside of my head
It's eating me alive
I created the demons, I once believed in
To get me through the night
Facing every fear 'till my blood's cold
Bigger than the ghosts that haunt my hopes
I'm not scared any longer
I'm stronger than my monsters
I'm not scared any longer
I'm stronger than my monsters
I'm not scared any longer
I'm stronger than my monsters
Aaaah... there it is... this feels good...
...
I’m finally in my element...
or at least... I think I am...
Weird...
Usually, I feel much better after screaming my lungs out... venting through my songs...
The euphoria is already fading...
...
Goddammit...
Why can’t this feeling leave alone for one fucking day!?
IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR JUST SOME TRANQUILLITY IN THIS FUCKING LIFE!?
...
Urgh... maybe I just need to keep going... yep, that’s probably it...
...
I open my eyes again... only to see how everybody is staring at me.
…
Did I do something wrong?
…
I’m quite sure I played and sang like I always do...
Did I mumble it out earlier!?
Wha-
“Erm... Lucy?”
“Y-yeah? What’s up?”
“Why are you crying?”
Oh, fuck...
Nooo... don’t screw with me! C’mon, I just sang about me being strong moments ago!
And I am! for fuck’s sake!
“It’s nothing.” I play it cool, drying my eyes nonchalantly with a poker face. Good thing I’m not wearing any make up today.
“Lucy... I don’t think-”
“I said it’s nothing.”
Silence fell into the room. Shit... You could hear a needle drop right now.
“I... uh... I-I just got something in my eyes, ok!? It’s just that!”
Fuuuuck...
That is such a lame excuse... I can tell from a mile that they aren’t buying it.
Now they are glancing at each other, shrugging and shaking their heads confused.
“Can we just keep going? Please? I promise, everything is fine! Besides... aren’t we on a tight schedule?”
Gwen sighs dejectedly. I can see how her entire figure deflates... her feathery wings almost touch the floor behind her.
“Alright... you’re the boss... just don’t be a pushover. Ok?” she relents, sounding rather disappointed.
“Yeah, sure...I won’t. Stop being such a worry wart!” I wave her off dismissively, averting my gaze with a grunt of frustration.
She nods as seemingly my firmness managed to convince her. She snaps her fingers causing the staff at the console to play the base of the following song from the list planned for the concert.
The band followed my lead... but much more awkwardly now.
Nice one... moron...
Let’s just get this over with...
...
2 HOURS LATER
Few... much better now... thank God!
I was probably just panicking over nothing... Hehehe... everything is fine...
...
Shit...
I’m such a mess...
Most of the people have already left... only a few are still here, talking with Gwen about... stuff.
Meanwhile I’m sitting on the couch, next to my jacket.
My guitar is still strapped around me. The recording studio now filled by me strumming improvised melodies.
The rest of the crew departs... except for one person.
You can guess who.
“Hey, Lucy... can we talk for a bit?”
Of course... I knew this was coming...
“Sure...”
“Great... So, I was wondering...Uh... Would you mind explaining to me what happened earlier?”
“I already did-”
“Stop with the bullshits, Lucy... what’s going on? I’ve never seen you like this before, and I’m not just talking about after the Rock Bottom news. You have been acting strange for months at this point.”
For that long? Damn... I thought I was handling it better... fucking hell...
I remain silent, trying to look too invested in my guitar to pay attention to what Gwen asked me.
I start twisting one the machine head as if I was changing the tuning of the corresponding string attached to it.
I’m not really doing it... I just want to look busy...
“Lucy... please talk to me... I’m not asking you this as your agent or your manager... but as your friend. We have known each other for years... and at this point I consider you like my little sister, and I care about you the same way as I care about my family. Please... tell me what’s wrong.”
Gwen places a comforting hand on my leg, making me realize how close to me she is right now.
You are sharp as ever... not even once I fooled you with any of my bullshits... I guess this could be why I never felt the need to go to therapy...
Even though you suggested it many times...
Maybe this is why I messed up so badly with Naser... if he had been the older one... maybe things would have been different between us... he is the smart one afterall...
My hand doesn’t stop... and keeps turning and turning the nod, increasing the tension on the string way more than what is supposed to be.
“Lucy, look at me.”
My heartbeat increases... I’m scared...
Why am I scared?
Is it because I don’t want to disappoint her?
Who cares what others think!
I only need myself...
...
I don’t want to cry again in front of her... but it’s not something I can control anymore... or that I was ever able to.
I turn shakily to her, as my features are now twisting in an ugly frown...
“G-Gwen... I-”
*SNAP! *
We both flinched at the sudden grim noise as the string couldn’t handle the strain that I placed on it any longer.
...
Memories of a horrible night start flooding my mind...
The night that was the catalyst for everything that happened afterwards.
“*Sigh*... wonderful...”
I say bitterly, inspecting the damaged instrument. I robotically remove the broken string from the guitar... leaving the empty space over the frets as it is.
I try to strum a chord regardless... placing my fingers perfectly where they should be... like I always did...
It even sounds somewhat “acceptable” ... but I know that is wrong... because something is missing.
Why... I am seeing myself... in it?
“I don’t know what I’m doing anymore...”
I remove my guitar, placing it next to me. I rest my elbows on my knees, and I sigh in frustration, while looking at my boots.
“I’ve spent years doing everything I believed was the right thing to become the coolest rockstar ever... I have achieved countless victories and achievements... Everyone in Volcadera and beyond knows my name and loves my songs... I even earn more money than I can spend on whatever I want...
I have literally everything that I always wanted ever since I started playing guitar... fame and recognition.”
My vision gets blurry... I don’t even try to hide it this time...
“But then... Why do I feel like I’m missing something? That I need something more to feel complete?”
I wipe my eyes with my hands, and I finally look at her directly.
Fuck... she looks so worried...
“Gwen... Have I fucked up? Was I wrong all the time... about everything?”
I stare intensely at her. My eyes could pierce through tempered steel right now.
She opens her beak, but immediately shuts herself up, going back to think about what to say to me.
Wow... this must be the first time I caught her without an answer ready to be delivered.
Please... tell me what I did wrong... tell me why I feel like this!
“I...” She begins talking looking rather uncomfortable.
I swallow in anticipation.
“... don’t know, Lucy... that is not something that I can answer for you...”
Goddammit...
I lower my eyes in resignation.
“... But let me ask you this instead.”
I snap back at her, not expecting her to keep going.
“Do you regret becoming a famous rockstar?”
What?
“N-no! Of course not! I love it!”
“Muhm... but if I remember correctly from what you told me, it wasn’t originally your idea, right?”
“Yeeeah? It was Trish’s idea... wait...”
“But it didn’t work when you tried in high school because you believed that nobody was giving you real support... neither from your family nor from your friends, correct?”
“Yes...”
“And that’s why you ran away thinking that you could do it on your own.”
I nod silently.
The ptero woman smiles at me.
She looks... relieved?
“Alright... I think I finally get it now. I know what your problem is.”
“REALLY!?” I jolt towards her, grabbing her by the shoulders. “TELL ME WHAT I AM MISSING!”
She gasps, shocked by my reaction.
“H-Hey! Calm down!”
“S-sorry...”
“Jeez…
Lucy... you never had closure with anybody from your past.”
...
...
...
What the fuck!?
“A-are you fucking serious!? That can’t be the right answer!”
“Just think about it for a second... the premise for you starting this thing in the first place was to show them that you could do it despite them not truly believing in your capabilities.”
“So what? I showed them!”
“Yeah... but you never met or talked with any of them ever since you left. You know that they know about your success only thanks to the letters and mail they sent to you...”
Oh...
“... the very same you never bothered to read, and by doing that you never learned about their reaction for your success.”
Oh shit... she’s right...
“You pretty much neglected the part where you would have rubbed it in their faces. You simply assumed that you didn’t need it and remained inadvertently stuck in this weird limbo of your creation... and I think that is exactly what you are missing right now.”
“That... kinda makes sense... if you put it that way... but...”
“But you don’t want them in your life again, right?”
“Get out of my head, bitch… Actually… since we’re being honest here… I’m not sure about that either… Everything is so confusing…”
“I can’t really blame you for missing them despite everything… I’m not telling you to forgive them for neglecting you... besides... I don’t even know if that would be a good idea since I only know about your side of the story…”
Ah... that’s true... I threatened her of leaving her agency if she ever tried to contact any of them to learn more about my past besides what I told her... good to know she kept that promise.
I assume she didn’t read the letters either. Must be really scared of losing me, uh?
“What I’m suggesting you to do is to just talk with your old friends and family... ONCE. After that it will be up to you. You can make up with them and accept their apologies or cut them off from your life permanently like you were already doing... but at least you’ll have closure.”
Weird… usually she looks… I don’t know… satisfied?... when I talk shit about people of my past…
And now she is suggesting I talk again with them…
Another thing that doesn’t make sense… yay…
…
I start shaking.
The idea of meeting them again after all this time... terrifies me.
“I-I... don’t know, Gwen... what if they don’t even want to talk to me anymore? I just... left everybody... with no explanation... I wouldn’t be surprised if they gave up on me after not answering any of their messages-”
“ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!?” She shouts angrily in disbelief after hearing my whining.
I recoil in shock with my eyes wide open.
Fuck! That was scary!
“Every single fucking day I’m seeing their names in the pile of fan mail you receive daily! It’s so regular I’m not even surprised anymore. I know their names by heart at this point.
Trish, Reed, Naser, Ripley and Samantha!”
“R-really?”
“Yeah! Fucking really! And it’s not rocket science to figure out who these people are! Raptor Jesus... If I knew this was what was bothering you for all this time, I would have suggested it WAY earlier! It would have cost me a lot less sleepless nights trying to think of ways to put you at ease, Goddammit! I thought you were just anxious about being a famous star!”
God... I feel like a retard now… they are all still looking out for me… after all this time…
well… most of them…
… still missing, uh?… Goddammit… what the fuck I was expecting…?
“Sorry... my bad...”
She groans, pinching the bridge of her snout.
“Well, to be fair... I’m partially to blame for all this… *Sigh* … Who am I kidding?... this is all my fault…”
“WHAT!? How is any of this your fault!? You only helped me ever since you found me in Skin Row working myself pathetically for scraps! If it wasn’t for you, I would have probably ended up becoming a carfe-head dying alone in the streets!”
Gwen raises her eyebrows clearly surprised by my words. She then points a finger at me to accentuate what she is about to say.
“Firstly, thank you for thinking so highly of me. Secondly... well...”
She takes a guilty deep breath, still facing me but looking away.
“... it’s because it is my fault... maybe indirectly... but I am still to blame if you felt like shit all this time...”
“I’m... not following you.”
“You see... besides planning your shows and juggling your appointments... I’m the one that made sure you’d never be bothered by any... unwanted visitors.”
“Wait... you mean-”
“Yes... I meticulously instructed Security to never let anybody of the people you told me about get close to you during your events in any shape of form. They are pretty much banned from accessing any of your concerts... if there was a chance to confront them by accident... I made sure it never happened… even if I wasn’t really sure if it was the right thing to do.”
“So... you’re saying that you’re responsible... because you did what I asked you to do without questioning it?”
“Yeah... that pretty much sums it up nicely.”
I furrow my brows annoyed, crossing my arms hearing her admission.
“You talk like as if I need a babysitter-”
She shut me up by giving me a deadpan stare.
Man... that look is worth more than a million words...
“Ooookay... I’ll shut up now...”
Her message was clearly delivered as she nodded with a grunt similar to that of a parent scolding a child fixing a bad habit before doing it.
“Over the years...” Gwen resumes talking, sounding rather serious. “... I had to deal with my fair share of bad families and parasite ‘friends’, appearing out of nowhere as soon my clients began gaining some form of fame... ready to claim their part without giving a flying fuck of the wellbeing of the actual person behind it.”
Exactly my thoughts... it’s too fucking convenient to show up again only when you can gain something from it.
I cross my arms, frowning but more out of irritation, since I’m back at not being so sure I really want to meet those folks again.
Even if they kept trying to reach out to me... doesn’t mean they regret making my life a living hell. Fuckers... they probably just want a piece of the pie...
Like everybody else that tried to get close to me ever since I got famous...
The worst part is that I let it happen... trying to find some relief from my loneliness...
Ugh... I wanna puke thinking back at how pathetic I have been...
“Must be a pain to deal with assholes like those.”
“The entitlement of some people... it’s truly revolting. After listening to your story... and how you described your friends and family, I simply assumed that it was another of those cases... without actually verifying it.”
“But you just did your job! I’m the one that asked you to do it!”
“It doesn’t matter Lucy! I should have done a better job instead of taking advantage of your emotional state and turning a blind eye to the matter... And this is the result of my sloppy management... You having doubts about your career and feeling like shit FOR YEARS only because I didn’t want to compromise my fucking paycheck...”
“Gwen...” I place my hand over hers.
“... we both know you didn’t do it just for that... you bust your ass off every day to make sure I’m safe and ok... I never felt like I’m just a source of income while working with you... and you are proving this again right now by telling me this”
She smiles warmly at me, moved by my words.
“Thank you... that means a lot hearing you saying that, Lucy.”
“I’m only stating the truth, old skank.” I say with a smirk.
She gave me a playful push.
“I told you that I’m not that older than you!”
“Yes, you are!” I stick my tongue out, causing her to roll her eyes... but I can see how she is still smiling.
Damn... I truly love her.
You really are the big sister I never had...
I have a lot to learn from you.
...
...
Uhm...
For Gwen to be so upset about this she probably thinks that mine isn’t like those cases she experienced in the past.
Fine. I’m willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.
I need to get to the end of this.
“So... what makes you believe that my old friends and family aren’t just trying to leech out?”
“For starters, usually, from what I learned over the years, people give up after a few years of not getting results... plus the threats of taking legal action against them clearly didn’t have any effect since they were interjected in every single concert you had. Not even the prospect of jail time seems to scare them off.”
“Well... my father was a cop... he probably knows a few tricks to avoid that... but Reed and Trish on the other hand... God... are they so desperate to meet me again?”
“This ‘Trish’ was the purple trike girl, right? She even assaulted one of the guards. She isn’t behind bars only because apparently the guy she attacked pitied her. At least this is what the staff told me.”
What the fuck...?
“Damn... I... I don’t know what to think about this...”
“In my opinion... this isn’t the behavior from someone that is just trying to get their ‘five minutes of fame’... they seem sincere about wanting to reconnect with you.”
“Seems like it...”
“Again... I have no excuses for not telling you before... The hints were all around me... but I preferred not to say anything, fearing you would have ended up with another disappointment... I made the decision for you and that makes me a horrible person... and a shitty friend.”
“I already told you that is not true… is this why last week you tried to start the conversation about friends and family?”
“Sort of… I was suspecting they may have had a role in you being so under the weather recently… But I promise you that if they reveal themselves to be the horrible people you described to me, I will personally cut them off from your life. You won’t see them EVER AGAIN! ... If that is what you want of course.”
“Thank you... I can always count on you.”
“Always.”
Don’taskherthatdon’taskherthatdon’taskherthat-
“Did… the staff see a bald human among them, by any chance?”
Fuck...
“A bald human? ... Lucy...”
“I know, I know... Shut up... was he there or not?”
“Sorry, but no... Well… if you’re lucky you may finally meet him again on tour! y'know… you could finally deal with all your unfinished business and stop thinking about him at last.”
“Maybe... that’s true... but what if he is not there?”
“I guess that would sucks... wait a sec... maybe your dad could help track him down if you manage to patch things up with him. He should probably know how to do it.”
“Uhm... I never thought about that... I could trick him in doing that for me as... an apology... hehehe...”
“Remind me, who was the one taking advantage of the other to gain something from it?”
“Oh, fuck off! That’s the least he could do for me after being a shitty father for most of my teenage years!”
“That’s fair. Hey, I’m fine with whatever makes my job less hard.”
I groan, rolling my eyes.
This woman...
...
...
...
We discussed for a bit about what I should do on the matter and our plans about Rock Bottom before gathering our things to leave since it is getting late.
“Alright... we better be going. See ya tomorrow! And don’t forget to prepare your baggage for our trip!”
“Yes, moooom! Bye, Gwen!”
We wave at each other outside the building before parting ways. I check my surroundings to avoid any possible mob of fans waiting for me.
Clear. Nice.
I speed towards my car, and I start driving back home.
...
I definitely need to read those letters...
A FEW DAYS LATER- DINOFORNIA’S HIGHWAY
Rock Bottom here we go.
...
That is, without a doubt, somewhere I would have never thought I’d be travelling to a few weeks ago...
life sure is strange, uh...
On my last tour we went by plane, thanks to Gwen’s agency private jet. Good thing I don’t get air sick, that would have been pretty ironic considering my species.
It was awesome flying all over Pangea.
Something about tingling my ancestral genes or stuff like that.
This time we opted for something more ordinary.
A good ol’ band truck, speeding through the roads between cities.
Life is highwaaaay~!
Hehehe... Sorry, not sorry.
Even though... for some reason... Nothing is really ordinary when I’m thrown into the mix.
And I shit you not... they spared no expense!
This thing is huge! We have a room for each band member plus for Gwen inside.
As a matter of fact... I’m in my “room” right now.
I know I should be sleeping right now like everybody else in the truck considering what is ahead of me in a few days... hopefully aside from the driver...
Please no more surprises, Raptor Jesus...
but I can’t even if I wanted to.
I’m just too excited… and terrified.
So, I’m left doing what I do best.
“Uhm... nah... this doesn’t work... I can’t feel any emotion from these words... this is just to whiny.” I say to myself, scrunching my face after re-reading what I just wrote in my lyric notebook.
I rip the page, balling it up and throwing it behind me near the ever-growing pile of paper.
I hold my neck with both hands leaning backwards in my seat, losing myself in the white noise of the road.
...
Usually, my inspiration comes from my strong emotions...
I hate to admit it... but I’ve always been quite the emotional type.
...
Yeah! no shit Sherlock!
...
That is the reason why you were so unbearable as a teenager... No wonder everybody hated you for that.
*Sigh*
...
Maybe it is a good thing that I can’t write anything good right now... all my smash hit pieces came from some of the nastiest memories I have...
Like that time... when I left.
God... I was so close to doing probably the dumbest thing ever... good thing I managed to stop myself in time. I would have regretted it for the rest of my life.
Focusing my sorrow into my lyrics became pretty much my own therapy... even though it’s not like it's that original for a musician... like at all.
It helped me keep going for so many years... and the public seems to enjoy it and resonate with my problems more than I thought.
It’s like I’m venting with millions of listeners.
And it prevented me from actually doing anything… stupid.
But I can’t simply keep dancing around the issue...
It’s clear that I’m not ok... maybe Gwen is right about getting some serious help...
...
I wonder what everybody is doing right now...
Maybe Naser became a prestigious doctor... Mom and Dad are probably enjoying their pension...
Trish and Reed... fuck... please be ok...
At least I know for sure that they are both still around...
...
“ARGH!” I slap my face with both palms, flapping my wings behind me.
Just wait a little longer, Lucy, and then you can talk to them again one last time...
or maybe not for the last time...
Who knows... one thing I learned about my life is that anything I want doesn’t go as I fucking predict them to be... for better or for worse.
I left home thinking I would have ended up dead in the streets... instead I got scouted by a famous agency.
I became one of the best rock stars of my generation thinking I got everything I wanted... instead I feel as miserable and lonely as I was before.
I... thought... that I found someone that truly understood me... but I was wrong...
Anon...
Do you hate me that much?
Is that why you never contacted me?
I mean... it’s not like I don’t see why he would resent me now... the way I left him without even a message of goodbye... it probably broke his heart...
“... I do love you, Fang.”
...
I hate that this is the only thing that I can vividly remember about us... the rest is just a blur… fragments of days spent together…
I let my arms fall limply beside me as I stare at the ceiling. I feel a grip on my chest...
Guilt… ?
Yeah... that’s probably it.
Fuck... I’m such a hypocrite... hating him for so long for disappearing... while that is exactly what I did to him in the first place... I’m in no position to feel hurt by his decision to run away from me...
That’s likely why I can’t move on from him…
Besides... I haven’t been exactly the ideal girlfriend for him...
My memories start flooding my head as if a curse was broken.
However...
These aren’t that pleasant to remember...
I acted like a violent bitch to him whenever he messed up with my gender delusion...
I even forced him to apologize when he was the one that got ridiculed in front of the whole school...
And the way I lashed out to him during Prom... and after...
...
And yet... despite all that... he still told me that he loved me.
My face feels warm and wet.
My feathers start to itch... but by now I learned how to ignore that feeling.
Never again.
I don’t bother to clean myself up and I simply get into my bed, hugging my pillow.
I may be an adult now... but I still feel like the same worthless teen I was before.
...
...
Anon...
Please be there... I’m coming to apologize... for everything.
Then you can go back to hating me...
I silently sob between the blankets until I lose consciousness as everything starts to fade to black.
ROCK BOTTOM
“Wah! Ugh... What the fuuuck...”
I plant my face back into my pillow with a muffled groan after getting awakened by the truck shaking up as we stopped abruptly in our tracks.
What time is it?
Eh... who cares... I guess we arrived.
I get out of bed and slowly walk to the small sink in my room and give a quick look at myself in the mirror.
Damn... I look like shit.
I splash my face with some cold water to remove any sleep from my system.
I quickly get dressed, putting on my jacket with the addition of a light scarf and a pair of shades.
...
Brrr... why is this place so fucking cold? It should be Summer for fuck’s sake! I’m already missing Dinofornia...
Not gonna lie, though... I’m quite curious about this place and its infamous reputation. I read about a lot of nasty stuff that happened around here in the past.
Dinos were not welcomed in this town.
Apparently Economic Recession... Religious bigotry and Speciesism in a nearly all-human community can lead to some pretty fucked up outcomes.
Who would have thought? I say totally not sarcastically.
...
We regrouped outside of the truck.
The driver has already fallen asleep, I’m sure about it since I can hear his snoring from here. I guess he is tired from the drive, but DAMN!
Since we are all mentally tired from travelling all night, and because we still need to wait for the stage to be fully built, we all agree to have the day for ourselves and get accustomed to the place.
The concert is in fact technically two days from now. Better have the extra time for any unforeseen inconvenience... We learned it the hard way last time... God it was awful... we still rocked regardless.
Gwen gives me a baseball hat for me to hide my identity even further.
I don’t know what you're thinking... but I am quite sure that my big ass wings will probably drive the attention to myself more than my face.
We all part in different directions after agreeing to meet up again here later in the afternoon.
I start taking a stroll in the streets to have a look at what a town full of bigots looks like.
...
...
...
Well, this is disappointing.
This place is way too normal than what I was expecting.
No weird religious or questionable political outdoor meetings... No public lynching... No crazy guys rambling about human supremacy...
Nothing out of the ordinary. This is just a normal town with people simply having their boring everyday lives. Maybe too many military statues and a bit too “Vintage-looking” for my liking... but that’s it.
Some old guy called me a “Meteor Dodger” while glowering at me at least... but that doesn’t count. C’mon! who doesn’t have at least one racist old fuck in their neighborhood?
Even the church doesn’t look that different from the one I used to go to when I was kid back in Volcadera.
Yep... I guess the universe has some sort of beef with me.
To be fair Gwen did mention that Rock Bottom got much better over the years, and there are a lot of dinos happily living alongside humans and simian people.
I can even spot some mixed couples and families...
Uh... It doesn’t look so bad actually. Go figure...
I wonder if in winter it snows a lot around here...
...
I head towards what looks like the shopping district looking for a quick snack.
I still haven’t got breakfast afterall.
I stop in front of some sort of pub restaurant.
“The Monkey – Public House”
It has a big cartoony looking monkey holding a beer mug on the logo.
That’s kinda cute... not gonna lie. Too bad the name is kinda boring... and a little racist... but hey, maybe folks here can take a joke?
I tap my finger over my beak in contemplation.
Uhm... I wonder if I can get some fresh chicken nuggets in here... it has been a while since I ate those.
My grumbling belly seems to appreciate the idea.
I take a quick peek from the shop window, and I can see people talking to each other while eating and drinking without a care in the world.
Looks open to me. I guess people around here like drinking starting in the morning.
Not that I’m complaining. I could totally go with a cold one alongside my fried threat.
...
Shit... am I really becoming an alcoholic? The plan was to have breakfast...
...
Nah... I’m fine.
I push the double doors and head inside.
As I step beyond the doorstep, I’m immediately engulfed in a pleasant heat wave...
And the smell... Raptor Jesus... I’m about to start drooling...
I spot an empty booth in a corner and take a seat.
Better be careful not to drag too much attention to myself since there could be some of my fans around here for the concert.
I take the menu and start checking if they have what I’m looking for.
Fuck yeah! they do! They even have craft beer, nice.
“Welcome to The Monkey! What can I get you?” a young human waiter girl asks me after approaching me at my table.
“I’ll take a large portion of chicken nuggets and a pint of lager.”
“Coming right up!”
After writing it down on her notepad, she turns around and disappears inside the establishment.
...
While waiting for my order I take a look at my surroundings.
Again, nothing too out of the ordinary. This place has everything you would expect from a pub.
The walls are decorated with various sport scarves and flags, alongside some weird looking posters depicting several drinks brands logos.
A large flat screen is playing in the background of some old football game rerun.
Why am I not surprised?
...
I peek at the bar near the counter on the other side of the room.
Uh... empty...
Maybe they are understaffed.
...
I slump in my seat tapping my hands lightly on the table out of boredom, trying to distract myself from my hunger.
I remove my hat and glasses… looks like a quiet area and I still feel like a weirdo with them on.
...
“Bah! These skinnies suck at playing football! They wish they could be as strong and fast as us!”
“Shh! What hell Jim!? What if someone hears you!?”
Figures… Ugh…
The conversation from the booth behind me gains my attention, probably for the racist undertone I was expecting to hear much earlier this morning.
I carefully turn around and, as I was suspecting, discover that these two aren’t humans.
Two, particularly round saurians, a dark red Allosaurus with brown hair and blonde light blue scaled Deinonychus are lively arguing about the game playing on the tv.
They kinda have a slight accent... maybe they are tourists.
“C’mon, Andy! Look at that crappy throw and try telling me that I’m wrong!”
“I mean... it was a little weak, but it wasn’t that bad. I’d even say some of them are even faster than some of the dinos.”
“Bah... they all look like wimps to me.” the red theropod scoffed unconvinced, crunching on the last chicken wing before stacking the empty plate on top of a large pile on the table.
I turn back, tuning out their words, slightly embarrassed by the fact that the first real bigot I found in Rock Bottom is “one of mine” ...
Talking about irony.
I fish my phone from my pocket checking if Gwen sent me any messages… uhmmmnope!
Shit… 20% battery… last night I must have forgotten to charge it-
“How are you doing, fellas? Was everything to your liking?”
The screen in my hand nearly shatters by my sudden increase of my grip.
That voice...
Sounds... familiar... too familiar...
My body feels like it is made out of stone... I can’t move... despite every part of me wanting to turn around instead and look at the owner of that voice.
Shit... you can’t be serious...
Fuck you, universe....
“Well... my guy, I’m sorry to inform you that your choice of sport entertainment leaves a lot to be desired. It’s not fun watching these baby games, instead try putting on some Chicago Arctodus. Now THAT is football!”
“Jiiiim, please... I don’t want to get banned from a nice place... again!”
I don’t need to look at the guy to understand that is probably a regular recurrence.
I would laugh if I wasn’t trying not to freak out.
Just act normal... don’t make a sound...
“What? He asked and I answered!” I can hear the poor raptor guy groaning. Must be a pain dealing with this fat allo prick.
“Uhm... you think so? Believe it or not, I’m not really into sports, but people enjoy seeing it while eating, so what are you gonna do... Thanks for the advice, man.”
“Uh... y-you’re welcome?”
“What about the food? It seems that at least you guys liked that, uh?”
“Urgh... I hate to admit it, but these were some DAMN good wings! They are exactly like those I usually eat back in Chicago.”
So, they are tourists.
“I’m happy to hear it then! First time here in Rock Bottom?”
“Yeah... my daughters wanted to go to a stupid concert here in town...”
“Wait, there is a concert?”
What?
“How the hell do you not know about that!? You’re the local here!”
“Jim! S-sorry about my brother-in-law. He is still a little grumpy for the long car ride.”
I’m stunned... How the hell is it possible that he doesn’t know!?
“If I’m grumpy it's because I spent years trying to teach those little rascals to have some good taste and instead, they prefer listening to that whiny crap! If I had my harmonica with me, I’d show that pompous chick what real music really is!”
I clench my fists, cracking my knuckles in the process.
I’m trying REALLY hard not to make a massacre here...
Motherfucker... Who the fuck this guy think he is!? One of the Blues brothers!?
Tsk! Asshole...
“Eh... What can I say I must be living under a ROCK!... sorry for the pun... Music is not really my thing either... and I don’t do much besides working here. The few times I’m free I spend it reading at home and going out with my friends.”
The bulging vein on my forehead immediately disappeared as I managed to calm down...
Uh... you have new friends now... G-good to know... glad that you’re not a loner anymore...
W-well, it was kinda obvious... since you work in a place like this...
I guess that explain it... unless he is actively avoiding me... fuck...
“You do you, pal.”
“Can I offer you guys something? I have some good bourbon that just arrived from Texas.”
“Nah man, we probably better get going. My wife is probably wondering where we are.”
“Oh, ok. If you change your mind, you can find me at the bar.”
“You know what?... I was wrong. You’re a cool human fella.”
“Oh, but thank you! Just making sure my customers are having a good time.”
I can hear the two shuffling around, probably getting ready to leave.
The third one... His footsteps are starting to fade and getting out of my reach...
…
Fucking hell, Lucy! Do something you can’t just stay here!
You found him!
And he is right there!
With all my will, I get up from my seat, ready to go after him...
...only to almost go crashing into the waitress from earlier, returning with my order.
“Wow! Watch out!” She cries out, staring at me in horror for the imminent collision.
“Ah! Sorry!”
I manage to stop mere inches from her.
Safe!
“Few! I almost dropped your food!”
“Y-yeah... uhm... it’s a problem if I change my seat to the bar side?”
“Uh, what?... no, it’s not? S-sure, no problem!” She responds with a big smile on her face.
“Thank you... and sorry again for the scare.”
I take the plate with my nuggets and the glass of beer from her tray, and I start my slow march towards the counter.
Oh my God...
It’s really him... he is facing the wall right now... but it’s him! It’s impossible to mistake that bald head...
As I get closer, I can see how different he looks from how he was in high school.
His trademark green jacket has now been replaced by a plain olive T-shirt.
He is much taller now and his back... looks much wider.
Damn... has he been working out?
AAAAH!
Focus! Stop acting like a hormonal high school girl!
...
I sit down on one of the stools, placing my food and drink on the counter.
He is right in front of me, still giving his back to me...
Anon.
I can’t believe it... I finally found you!
I found you...
...
C’mon! Compose yourself, woman!
Don’t look so desperate!
Be cool! You spent a decade becoming the best and now you have the chance to show him what he has been missing out!
I shake my head, and I rest my elbow turning slightly while side eyeing him and waiting for the moment he realizes that I’m here.
And can’t help but grin a little thinking at his shocked face he is about to make.
Hehehe... turn around you fucker.
Quick! I can’t wait!
...
...
He is not turning around...
He just keeps cleaning the dirty mugs inside the sink while happily whistling.
Alright, alright... just wait a moment... any second now...
I eat one of the nuggets out of nervousness.
Wow... this is fucking good stuff! This brings me back-
Fuck! Don’t get distracted!
I’m getting impatient, tapping my nails over the counter while my heart starts racing so fast, I feel like it is about to burst out of my mouth.
...
FUCK IT!
“Ah-EHM!” I clear my throat loudly, trying to make my presence known.
“Uhm?” Anon perks up...
...and turns around.
The moment he sees me, he jolts backwards, holding a hand to his chest, hitting the bottles of liquor behind him and causing a clinking symphony in the process.
“Raptor Jesus!”
“Hi.”
“H-hi...” He returns my greeting, still somewhat shocked, trying to regain his breath.
Still the same dweeb.
I mean... How can I blame him?
Seeing me like this after all this time... I’ll try going easy on him.
“Are you good? Didn’t mean to scare you to death.”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine... don’t worry about it. That cost me a few years of my life but I’m fine.”
I chuckle at his dorkiness...
Aaah I missed this... I smirk, enjoying my moment of glory.
“I just wasn’t expecting it... didn’t know you were here, miss.”
...
Wait... what?
...
My smile immediately vanished.
“What?”
“Yeah, like... I didn’t see you taking a seat right here. Anyway... how can I help you? Did you want to try any of the other beers on draft in case you wanted another one?”
...
He is just talking... so casually... like he would do with everybody else...
I-I don’t understand...
...
And why... didn’t he call me by my name...?
“No... uh... thank you... I’m good.”
“Oh... I thought you-... Nevermind. Feel free to call me if you need anything, then.”
...
What the fuck...?
That can’t be true...
...
Hold on a minute...
Is he...?
Oooooh, but of course...
I see how it is... he just doesn’t want to make a scene in front of the other customers!
Ah, gotcha!
Fine. Play it dumb all you want you, motherfucker.
Feel free to act like you don’t remember me.
I’m in no rush. I waited years for this moment, a few more hours are nothing compared to that!
2 HOUR LATER
Ok this is getting fucking ridiculous!
How long is he planning to keep this charade going!?
I finish the thought in my head gulping down my third glass of annoyingly good beer.
I somewhat understand now why dad didn’t shut up about how craft beers are leagues ahead of normal store brands...
Bah! ... I’m getting sidetracked...
...
You can’t fool me asshole. I kept my eyes on you all the time and I noticed how you were stealing glances at me even when you were serving other people.
It’s clear that you know.
I follow him with my gaze as he gets back in front of me behind the counter. I’m locked on his stupid face...
I only now notice how he has a stubble beard... Eh! He must hella happy to finally have something growing on that bowling ball-
What the fuck is wrong with me!? Why am I grinning like an idiot!?
I’m supposed to be pissed off right now!
I narrow my eyes and hold out my empty mug to him with a big ass frown on my beak.
Anon darts his eyes between the glass and me, looking very uncomfortable.
“Uh... another round?”
“Yes... ‘mister’” My words are now dripping with venom.
He is taken aback by the hostile tone, now showing an apologetic and unsure smile.
“Sorry if I ask, but... is everything ok?”
“Are you fucking joking!? Because that is not funny!”
“What!? I-I’m not!”
“Quit it with the bullshit, Anon!”
“Wait a minute... how do you know my name?”
“I said to quit it-!”
“IT SMELLS LIKE SKINNIE BITCH IN HERE!”
My words are overtaken by the new thundering voice... and I can see how Anon is now looking behind me with his eyes wide open.
His expression shows a myriad of different emotions.
Surprise... annoyance... concern...
Happiness...?
Uh? Did I miss something?
My train of thoughts is cut short when I see him start moving away from me and heading towards the source of the crude comment with a scowl.
“Hey! Where you think you’re going-!” I turn in my seat following his movements...
...and I see him having a stare off with a giant of a dinosaur near the entrance of the pub.
The dude is a towering dark yellow T-rex, with abnormally large and muscular arms wearing sleeveless gray gym clothes.
Is that a hybrid or something?
His massive sharp teeth are presented in a malicious grin, while looking down at Anon like he is ready to bite his head off.
I start to panic.
I’m getting worried for his safety... despite him not showing a hint of fear in his behavior... how is he not even shaking while being near that monster!?
I’m starting to have doubts about this guy being really Anon...
That doesn’t matter now!
I’m about to jolt to put myself between the two before things get ugly.
But...
“T-Bone... you son of a BITCH!”
Their hands connect in a handshake with a deafening clap that reverberates throughout the hall.
Their bulging biceps show the intensity of their hold, with none of them showing any signs of receding.
That’s kinda hot...
BAD, LUCY! NO MORE NUGGETS FOR YOU!
Their silent interaction is broken by both bursting into laughter and hugging each other in a manly hug.
“You fucking meteor dodger! Where have you been, bro!?”
“I’m sorry skinhead! Got super busy with team practice... I couldn't even find a tiny bit of time for myself to give you a visit. The coach said we are close to becoming professional!”
The huge man wrapped his arm over Anon’s shoulder, and they then started walking back towards the bar and sitting right next to me… almost as if I'm not even here.
What just happened!?
“Dude, that’s awesome! Also, my fucking supplies and finances at least were grateful for that! Ahahah!”
“Oh, fuck you! You say that as if I robbed you or somethin’.”
“Bro... last time you came here you ate all the burgers in my kitchen, and I still made you pay 50% because I’m way too nice with you and the rest of the gang, by the way how is everybody doing?”
“Just the same group of pricks you remembered. Spike is still whining about his broken horn.”
“Happy to hear that nothing changed…”
“The offer to join the team is still valid, bro! You can be our mascot!”
“Har har… No thanks, I still have my dignity… but it is weird that the Rock Bottom football team is only composed of dinosaurs now… I mean… my dad everytime he sees you guys play doesn’t know if shouting slurs or praises.”
“Well, coach K. is an Ape-man… if that counts.”
“Eh… close enough. I’ve seen hairier humans...”
While they keep happily chatting with one another, I’m left speechless wondering about what the fuck is going on.
At first, they looked like they were about to start a fight... and now they act like best buds.
I can only stare at them with my mouth slightly agape.
“Anyway... who is the lady? A new friend of yours?” The T-rex asked him while glancing at me with a raised brow.
Crap... he must have noticed how I’m gawking at them.
“S-sup...” I say nervously, looking away and pretending to be interested in whatever is playing on the tv while keeping my ears open.
“I’m... not so sure honestly...” Anon answered before grabbing a large bottle of beer and for his friend from a fridge behind the counter.
...
His words strike me like a truck... he said that way too normally...
I can feel my stomach twisting painfully.
Is he... not faking it?
Has he really forgotten about me?
I slowly turn my head back at them. They are now curiously scanning me down from top to bottom... as if I’m some kind of freak.
Goddammit... stop looking at me like that...
The big guy, I guess his name is T-Bone, assumed a thinking pose, holding his chin and constantly changing his focus between me and Anon... as if he is trying to connect the dots.
This is fucking awkward...
A huge toothy grin formed on his mouth after looking like an epiphany just hit him.
“You were hitting on my buddy, weren’tcha?” He asked playfully with a wink and snapping his fingers into a finger gun.
I blink twice.
“Uh?”
“WHAT THE FUCK, T!?” Anon shouted to him while turning bright red before hiding his face in his hands, groaning clearly upset. “Ugh... fuck my life...”
“Wait... crap, am I wrong?” T-Bone genuinely asks me, while rubbing the back of his neck.
I smile... bitterly, but I smile, answering his question with a quick nod, and causing him to breathe through his teeth after realizing his screw up.
“*Sigh* ... no wonder you two are best friends... both of you are such dorks... you may have changed a bit... but you’re still the same dweeb Anon.”
After hearing my words, I can see how he slowly removed his hands from his face before locking his eyes with mine.
He seems lost in them...
“Hey, T-Bone... can you give us a moment, please?”
“Uuuh… sure man… no problem. We'll catch up another time. Oh! And have a nice day, sister.”
“Likewise.”
I say disinterestedly but still trying not to sound too rude.
He looks like a nice guy.
He then gave us a two-finger salute before walking to another area of the pub with his beer, away from us.
...
It’s just the two of us...
...
Why am I expecting some sort of follow up joke?
...
Whatever...
“Hey... Uh... do you want to go somewhere more private... y’know...like... us alone?”
A proposition like that under normal circumstances would have probably made me incredibly flustered...
But now... I don’t know what to feel anymore...
“Sure...”
“Alright. Follow me.”
Anon guides me to what looks like some sort of office. Maybe this is where he keeps paperwork and stuff like that...
There is a desk and the usual furniture you would expect. There is even a small couch with a blanket nicely folded placed over one of the armrests.
He then sits down on it, gesturing to me to take a seat next to him.
I obliged.
He looks very nervous... and he is sweating like crazy...
I can feel his warmth radiating from him at this distance...
A warmth... so nostalgic...
“Erm...”
Anon finally initiates the fated conversation breaking the awkward silence between us.
I wince at the sound of his voice, and I can’t keep my hands still.
He wants to say something but stops himself a few times, thinking carefully about choosing his words.
Anon then closes his eyes and takes a deep breath... before turning back to me much calmer.
I just remain silent, watching everything unfold before me.
“Let’s just stop beating around the bush and go straight to the point, shall we? ...
Do we know each other?”
I let myself fall limply backwards, sinking inside the cushions...
This is just too much...
...
What did I tell myself earlier? Don’t look desperate?
Well... mission failed.
“Anon... i-it’s me... L-Lucy!” I say softly, holding back my tears, patting on my chest like I’m pointing out something obvious.
“Lucy...?”
Lucy... Lucy... uhm... nope... I don’t know no Lucy... but she does look very familiar... What the hell?
I drily chuckle to myself.
This settles it... there would be no need to pretend now that we’re alone...
“Still haven’t fixed that mumbling problem of yours, uh?”
A stressed-out sigh escaped his mouth. He looks mentally exhausted.
Welcome to the club...
Anon then rubbed his tired eyes with his fingers before talking again.
“Listen... it’s clear that you know me, and that now you’re upset... but I just don’t remember who you are, ok? I’ve met a lot of people over the years and it is hard for me to keep track of everybody.”
I nod shakily without saying anything.
It makes kind of sense... so much time has passed after all...
“And don’t misunderstand! I’m feeling like a massive asshole right now! ... I don’t know, could you like... uh... tell me a bit more about you to help me remember?”
Fuck... now is even feeling bad about it...
Something more about me?
Eh. Where to even start?
In high school I was a mentally ill bitch-
...
I suddenly jump back straight, causing him to flinch by my abrupt movements.
God I’m such a fucking idiot!
“I-I used to call myself by another name back then! Maybe that’s why you don’t remember me as Lucy!”
“Oh... really? What was it, then?”
I hesitate for a moment, dreading hearing another negative answer.
Just say it.
“It was... Fang.”
Anon squinted his eyes while processing what I just told him. He is actually trying to remember.
Maybe... is this bothering him too?
Probably not...
Please... dweeb...
His features begin to morph into an expression of pure shock, with his eyes wide open and his jaw hitting the floor beneath him.
“Fang...? FANG!?”
“Yes.”
“That Fang!?”
“Yes!”
“Fang from Volcadera!?”
“YES! THE ONE AND ONLY!”
Oh my God! I’m about to cry...
...
Anon starts to shake, maintaining his bewildered state looking like he just saw a ghost from the past.
He kind of did, to be fair...
I get a little concerned about his state of mind.
“H-hey! Take it easy, dud-”
I can’t even finish my sentence that I’m wrapped in a tight embrace.
My brain just stopped working for a moment.
My body instinctively reacted.
My arms coiled around his chest, and I let my head rest on his shoulder, getting lost in this pleasant feeling.
His scent is so relaxing... so comforting... he smells like homemade food mixed with his natural musk and hint of deodorant and light perfume...
I can sense a bit of tobacco too... still a smoker I assume.
Even for someone with a stronger sense of smell like myself... this does not bother me in the slightest.
Only a few seconds have passed...
But for me it is as if time just stopped...
...
His body is so warm… I wonder... how he would react if I wrapped my wings-
But before I could finish that thought, he retracted from the hug, still holding me by the shoulders.
“I can’t believe it! Fang! It’s really you!” He cheerfully shouts while smiling widely at me. Any traces of discomfort are completely gone.
I am disappointed that we separated from our warm union, but I can help but smile, now for real this time, from how the mood took a complete 180 from moments ago.
“Y-yeah, that’s me!” I playfully tilt my head with a smirk.
“God... I feel like a total moron for not recognizing you earlier... I mean look at you!” Anon said, making a small pause after letting off me to give a better look at me.
“You’re still as gorgeous as ever!”
My face starts feeling warm... I must be blushing like crazy.
Fucking hell!
“S-since when you’re this smooth, dweeb?” I try to hide my embarrassment by averting my eyes and fixing a stray flock of hair from my face.
I snap back at him, and I slap him lightly on the shoulder.
“You fucking asshole! You scared the hell out of me! I thought you forgot about me!” I scolded him with a pout.
“C’mon! cut me some slack! As been what... 9 years since we last saw each other? Can you really blame me for not remembering you on the spot?”
10 years to be precise...
Uhm... he does have a point there...
Maaaaybe I was a bit unfair with him...
Thinking about it... I was the weird one for holding on to that stuff for all this time...
“Ok fine... I’ll let it slide this time, but never scare me like that ever again!”
“Noted. Ah! This is so crazy! So, how are you doing Fang? Or should I call you Lucy now?”
“Yeah, I’m back going by my real name... I dropped the enby thing a long time ago... I was kinda forced to, since it kept getting in the way when I was looking for a job... but I also realized it wasn’t really truthful to who I really am.”
“Now that you mention it... you haven’t tried to kill me when I called you ‘Miss’... yeesh, remember when I misgendered you in the past?”
“Yes, I do... sorry about that... I was such a pain in the ass back then.”
“Nah don’t worry about it. It’s water under the bridge now... Anyway, how has life been treating you?”
“Raptor Jesus... you have been truly living under a rock! Do you even watch tv or use the internet now?”
“Uh? What are you- Wait... did you hear my conversation from earlier with those guys?”
“Yep. In my defense, it wasn’t on purpose. I just happened to be nearby to overhear.”
“Well, this is embarrassing... hold on a sec... does that means-”
“Yes. They were talking about me, I’m a pro musician now!”
“No way! I mean... not that I’m that surprised to be honest, but still! That’s amazing! You must be super rich by now!”
I puff my chest alongside my ego.
“Hehehe… Not to brag... but yes! I am rich as fuck!”
“You’re bragging.”
“What? Are you jealous?”
“Frankly? Not really.”
I shoot him a deadpan stare.
“Seriously, dweeb?”
“Ok, maybe a little bit... I mean, who wouldn’t?” Anon admitted with a carefree shrug.
I snort before giving him a light push.
Aaah... I love this... this is just like old times...
Christ... I sound like a grandma...
“Hey, what about you? How did you end up back here in Rock Bottom? I thought you hated this place.”
I asked him, driven by my curiosity about what he had been doing for all these years.
“’Hated’ is a big word... I didn’t have the best memories about it, that’s true... but in the end it’s still my hometown.”
“I guess that’s fair... so what happened?”
Anon then leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, looking into nothing, lost in his memories.
He is smiling... but...
I don’t know... he seems ... melancholic?
No... it’s something else.
“Fucking hell... has been long since I last thought about those days... it may just have been only for a semester... but my staying at Volcano High has left a permanent mark on me...”
Shit... I didn’t want to make him sad.
I reach out to place a hand on his shoulder...
“... after Prom’s disaster... and waking up alone in my room... with you nowhere to be found... I felt lost... I had no reason to keep going...”
My hand stops before I can make contact with him...
...
Am I really allowed to comfort him?
It was my fault in the first place.
I retracted my arm, resting my hands on my lap... shifting my gaze away from him in guilt.
“However... apparently there was still someone that believed that I could do more than simply running away again.”
“Wait, what? Who?” I snapped back, surprised by such a revelation.
“Principal Spears.”
“Spears? Really?”
“Uhm-hum... He was the only one that approached me when I was at my lowest... He even convinced me to finish the school year despite everything... and eventually I ended up opening up with him about my father’s ultimatum.”
“What ultimatum?”
This is the first time I’m hearing about this…
“College or Service after graduation. Nothing in between...”
I’m left stunned...
I don’t know what to say to that... You were already dealing with all that pressure on yourself...
But you kept trying to help me regardless...
Instead... I just left you alone when I had the chance...
“A-Anon... I-I had no idea-”
He stopped me by raising a hand.
I close my beak, letting him continue.
“With my grades, college was out of the picture. Even someone like Spears did not go easy on me on that front... and, if wasn’t for that old Neanderthal, by now I would have probably ended up on some ship in the middle of the Ocean or in some God forsaken area of the world trying not to get killed by terrorists.”
If that is true, I’m going to send the biggest gift basket I can find to him.
Spears... you’re a treasure!
“He told me how my father’s options were totally unreasonable, and I agreed with him. That same day he encouraged me to confront him about it... so, I finally grew a pair, and I did it.”
“But... What about your friends in Volcadera? Weren’t you worried about leaving them behind?”
“What friends?”
The bluntness in his voice took me by surprise.
“U-uh... well... like Naser... or Reed!”
“Yeah sure... what ‘great friends’ they were... after Prom Reed avoided me like the plague...maybe it was Trish forcing him, but I don’t fucking care... and Naser... *Sigh*... I’m sure he and your dad blamed me for your disappearance... I know... I’m a coward... but I was too scared to face him about it so I avoided him...
Everybody else was more or less just an acquaintance.
I had nothing that kept me staying in Volcadera.”
Fuck... I never imagined it would have become this bad for him...
Goddammit, those fucking assholes... I’ll kick their asses when I meet them again!
“Long story short, I travelled back to Rock Bottom by myself and had the pleasure to say to my old man’s face how I wasn’t going to follow his orders and that he wanted to throw me out onto the streets, he had to do it personally... while looking straight into my eyes. I had nothing to lose afterall”
Damn... he wasn’t kidding...
I don’t think I would have the courage to do the same with my dad back then...
“What happened... after that?” I’m almost scared to hear the rest.
“Well, for how absurd it may sound, he was proud of me for it.”
“What?!”
“I kid you not! Something about finally acting like a man and he doing the same in the past with his father and yadda, yadda, yadda... basically he was glad I decided not to run away from my problems and confront them head-on.”
“Oh... I guess it could have gone worse-”
“He did deck me in the face, though.”
“HE DID WHAT!?”
“Yep. And he did not hold back! He almost shattered my cheekbone.” Anon said, pointing at a faded scar on the side of his face.
Fuck... that must have hurt like hell.
“But in return I punched him on the nose. He wasn’t expecting that! Man... the satisfaction I felt that day... I think that made my mother proud of me for some reason.”
I snort, imagining the scene of Anon punching his shitty dad in the face.
“After that day he was pretty much another person with me. He even helped me find a job through some of his friends here in Rock Bottom as a waiter in this pub... and here I am now years later as the owner of this place! Sure, it’s not anything special... but it’s honest work and I enjoy doing it.”
Oh… so, this is HIS pub… go figures…
“Wow... that sure was...uh, colorful!”
“You can say that… it was nowhere near what I expected my life to become…”
Anon leaned backwards, resting his back on the soft surface behind him while holding both hands over his head. “Fuck... this was one hell of a trip down to memory lane... now it feels like it was just yesterday...”
After that he became silent, staring forward at the wall...
I start to giggle, making him look at me confused.
“What’s so funny?”
“Sorry... it’s just... I don’t know... you looked at peace with yourself... and it looks like you fixed a lot of things in your life... I’m just happy for you...”
“I could say the same for you... ‘Miss Rockstar’. You finally got the fame you always deserved, uh?”
“Pfeh... you have no idea of all the shit I’m still trying to fix about myself... despite being famous and everything...”
“There is nothing wrong in taking things slow... as long as it shows results. I’m living proof of that.”
“I guess...”
“Joking aside... I’m glad to see that you’re ok.”
“Well... like you, I was helped along the way.”
“That’s awesome to hear.” He smiles at me, looking at me with those small emeralds of his.
Shit...
What’s this feeling...?
I feel butterflies in my belly... and I am all fidgety...
Do I...?
Even after all these years?
...
Is this... what have I been missing?
...
I wonder... what he thinks about me now...
He looks happy... or at least not bothered... to see me again... but...
...
“Hey... Anon...”
“Uhm? What’s up?”
My brain is screaming to shut up and not to risk screwing everything up...
But I must know...
“Do you hate me... for what I did?”
He takes a few seconds to register what I just said... as if he is trying to confirm the seriousness of my question.
His gaze is burning a hole into my soul as the carefree demeanor he was displaying moments ago is replaced by an eerie silence.
He doesn’t look angry... or sad... he is just staring at me with a neutral face.
He slowly got up from his seat before taking a few steps away from me with his hands on his hips.
He is once again giving his back to me.
I’m tightly holding my knees.
I can feel my talons piercing the thick fabric of my pants and poking at my scales.
A little late for asking something like that, don’t you fucking think?...
In the silence of the room Anon’s mumbling was as clear as if he was talking directly into my ear.
I didn't even notice how I gasped loudly after hearing that.
“Urgh... one of these days I’m going to sew my fucking mouth shut...”
“A-Anon... I’m sor-”
I’m about to stand up and approach him...
But his next words pushed me back down.
“Don’t you dare say that you’re sorry now... not after all this time…
you made your choice… now own it.”
I tremble in fear.
I was expecting a similar reaction from the beginning.
But I thought... that maybe...
...
This was a mistake...
A big fucking mistake!
I yelp and close my eyes when he turns around.
I’m scared to look at his face.
I can’t bear his hateful look.
“Look at me...”
I’m hesitating...
His voice is firm... but not spiteful.
“... please.”
I let out a shaky breath I didn’t know I was holding in.
I carefully open my eyes...
...
...
Anon... he looks...
Tired...
Tired... of everything.
He then grabbed one of the chairs by the desk and dragged it towards me, scraping its legs all the way towards me and making a horrible screeching sound before sitting mere inches from my face.
He looks calm... while leaning back on the backrest with his arm crossed.
But I know that he is just holding back...
I can see a wall of raging flames behind those eyes, ready to incinerate me into a pile of ashes.
I instinctively move away from him, sinking deeper into the couch.
I’m terrified.
“No.”
“N-no... what?”
“No, I don’t hate you.”
“What?”
“You heard me... I don’t hate you... because I don’t care anymore.”
My vision gets blurry... My breathing is uneven...
“Besides... wasn’t it what you wanted from me?”
“NO! HOW CAN YOU FUCKING SAY THAT!? I...”
Tears started rolling down my face.
“... missed you... all this time I missed you so fucking much... but you never reached out to me...”
“And why would I?”
“What!?”
“Why would I have reached out to you? The message you left me was loud and clear.”
Message!? What fucking message!?
“What the fuck you’re talking about!? I didn’t leave any message!”
“It’s true… technically, you didn’t. But you clearly made me understand that you didn’t want anything to do with me.”
“WHAT!? NO! THAT’S NOT TRUE!”
“Your actions say otherwise... I could ask you the same thing, then. Why haven’t YOU reached out to me in all these years, uh?”
“You can’t be serious! You disappeared too! I didn’t know where you were! Where to look!”
“Don’t play dumb... you didn’t even try.”
“I-I... I was hoping you would eventually show up again... I’ve waited for you to come back to me!”
“Why?”
“BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU FUCKING LOVED ME!”
“I LOVED YOU! YOU WERE MY EVERYTHING! MY ONLY JOY IN THIS CESSPOOL I CALL LIFE!”
Words get stuck in my throat...
I can’t talk...
“...But I guess I was the only one.”
No... nonono... that’s not true!
I loved you too!
Say it to him!
FUCK!
...
“Do you even remember the last thing I said to you before you left?”
Of course I do...
“...I do love you, Fang.”
“...y-yes...”
“Uhm... well, that didn’t stop you from abandoning me... So, tell me then, how I was supposed to interpret that, uh?”
How can I even respond to that?
...
How can I possibly blame him... for thinking that...?
This... is all my doing...
The consequences of my choices... and my hastiness...
Why... Why didn’t I leave him a final message...?
Or wait a few days... before leaving?
Would he have run away with me... if I had asked?
...
None of that matters anymore...
I can see it now...
I’m just someone he used to know...
Nothing more...
Someone who hurt him deeply...
And that he tried to forget... and I just arrived reopening all his scars...
...
... and mine too.
“I... *Sob*... I-I’m sorry... *Hic! * ... A-Anon... *Sniff! * ... P-please... Don’t hate me...”
I’m a mess right now.
I try to stop my tears from coming out, but there’s nothing I can do about it...
My words are choked by sniffles and hiccups... making any attempt to talk futile...
The pain I’m feeling is just too much...
I never felt anything like this before...
I had everything I needed right beside me... and I threw it away like nothing.
...
I cover my face with my hands to hide my pathetic display...
The only thing I can do is cry...
I shut my eyes close wishing to die right here on the spot by some divine mercy...
But I know how the universe seems to hate me...
...
I’m... lightheaded...
Uh... maybe not that hated...
...
...
...
I don’t know when or how it happened...
But when I reopened my eyes...
Anon was still where he was... no, now he is closer...
He is using a paper towel to wipe my tears... he is so gentle... he is trying his best not to hurt me...
Oh... I’m holding his other hand...
Funny... When did I grab it?
He looked concerned... about me?
Why?
“Shit... I-I’m so sorry Fan- I mean Lucy! I-I don’t know what came over me... God... I’m such an asshole... please forgive me.”
He looks so guilty about it...
Is he really that sorry for upsetting me?
...
I shake my head.
My lips are trembling... but I manage to speak clearly.
“No... you’re not... I am the bad guy here... I deserve this and more...”
I lower my head looking at our legs...
Mine looks so small compared to his...
...
I’m pulled back up by Anon’s hand cupping my cheek.
“Please... don’t say that... I went too far and I was... unfair with you…”
“No... you weren’t...”
“Yes, I was! ... *Sigh* Listen... I wasn’t lying when I said that I don’t hate you.”
“...really...?”
“Yeah, I don’t... with time, and a bit of years over the shoulders, I realized how you too were hurting back then... I’m in no position to hate you... I just got overwhelmed by the bad memories... I wasn’t thinking straight… and… well… I hurt you too that time... I’m sorry.”
“But Anon... it was all my fault-”
“Just stop. I’m tired of this... ‘Blaming game’... you made your choices... and I did mine. End of story.”
“But-”
“No buts! Besides... I should thank you instead.”
“W-what? Thank me... for what?”
“For inspiring me.”
“I-I... don’t think I’m following you...”
“Well... I’d say that if I manage to find the guts to start anew, forgetting about everything and everyone else... It's only thanks to you. Spears may have encouraged me... but it was your example that drove me to actually doing it.”
“Are... you for real now?”
“Yes,100%. Everything I’ve achieved so far... wouldn’t be possible if I didn’t meet you. Basically, you were my inspiring muse!”
I snort...
even now he is trying to make me feel better… a dweeb til the end…
“I thought you said you didn’t care about me anymore...”
“In a way... that’s true... but not in the sense that I will no longer think fondly of our time spent together... that is still part of my life and will forever be... even if it didn’t end the way I wished it did.”
So… it’s really over…
That still stings... but it’s less painful than before… for some reason…
“... I just don’t want to be shackled by our past mistakes. I only want to move on and leave everything behind me... and I hope you’ll be able to do the same.”
Wow... you sure have grown... you sound so mature...
Unlike me...
...
You just made me realize how childish I have been all this time...
How stupid I was...
But it’s too late to have regrets now...
I can only face the consequences of my own actions...
...
I reach out to hold his hand and I press it to my face...
Anon doesn’t seem to mind
I want to enjoy this warmth...
One last time.
“Feeling a little better?”
“Yeah... *Cough! *... the worst has passed...”
I finally regained my composure... after experiencing probably the worst wake up call of my life.
I’m treating my sore throat with a glass of water Anon just gave me.
“Thank you, dwe- ... Anon... for staying here with me for so long.”
“Don’t mention it, Lucy. Also, about that... What time is it? I kinda lost my sense of time...”
We both fish out our phones from our pockets.
I click the power button...
Nothing... it’s dead...
“Tsk... of course... must be the theme of the day...”
“What was that?”
“Nothing... just thinking about how my manager must be freaking out right now...”
“Not that I can blame them, we did spend a lot here... as I was fearing... *Sigh*... Raptor Jesus...”
“What are you worried about? Didn’t look like it was a busy day if you ask me.”
“T... I bet he has already started spreading weird rumors about us... that overgrown lizard...”
A small giggle escapes my mouth for the funny face he is making right now.
I hate how you can still find ways to make me laugh...
“Don’t want to make Mrs. Mous upset, uh?”
“Actually... I’m not married... not even dating anyone...”
“Oh... fuck... I’m sorry...”
“Nah it’s fine... I was close one time though... but it didn’t work out... I felt like I was dragging her down... we’re still friends at least.”
“T-that’s good to hear... I think?”
“Yeah, I guess... her new partner is a really nice guy, they even invited me to their kid’s christening. They are good people...”
“If it’s of any consolation... we’re on the same boat. No luck for me either.”
“You’re kidding? Eh... I’m sure you’ll find someone worthwhile eventually.”
“Same for you.”
...
...
...
We returned inside the main hall, and as Anon was suspecting, T-Bone was lively gossiping with all the waiters and cooks of the pub.
Anon spent something like 20 minutes trying to deny any sort of story the T-rex told everybody about, trying not to crack under the multiple amused eyes and grins he was subjected to.
Please guys... we’re just old friends.
Just that...
...
...
...
“I should probably get going now.”
“Oh, right! You have your concert! I wish you the best of luck with it!”
“Thanks... I can... y’know... get you a free ticket if you want to come and check us out... if it’s not a problem obviously.”
I propose to him while he is escorting me to the door... without thinking much about it...
“If I’m not too busy that day, I’ll be gladly stopping by.”
...better than nothing...
“Cool.”
...
We stop at the door.
End of the line...
I wish our small walk lasted longer...
“See you around, Lucy... If you ever happen to be close to Rock Bottom again, feel free to come here and say hi.”
“I will, promise.”
“Just... give me a heads up if anybody from Volcadera comes along... Hehehe... y’know...”
“Ah... uh... in reality... I still haven’t talked to any of them yet... but I’m planning to do it.”
“Oh... damn, that’s a bummer... oh well, if we manage to stay on good terms, I feel like everybody else will be a piece of cake, right?”
“Yeah... I guess so too.”
We share one last farewell hug...
It’s warm... but now I know that there is nothing behind it...
We remain silent for a bit as we separate.
...
Would he be mad if I asked him for one last kiss?
...
...
No, I can’t...
...
I suppress my feelings and turn around...
Don’t look back...
You won’t be able to leave if you do...
It’s over... deal with it.
...
...
...
I stroll over the streets, heading back to the truck...
I’m probably late as fuck...
Sooo, nothing new really. Let’s just hope Gwen and the rest of the crew won’t be too mad this time.
Whatever...
Urgh...
What the fuck was I expecting?
It’s already a miracle that I was able to meet Anon again... and that he still considers me a friend despite everything...
That’s more than enough for someone like me...
This is not some cheesy romantic flick where he reveals that he has been waiting for me all this time...
Real life is a bitch...
...
What can I say...? one can dream...
He has even been looking around... and to be fair I did too to some extent... but I was never really serious about it... let’s not kid ourselves...
Uhm... I wonder...
We could stick around for a bit more before leaving for our next destination...
Maybe Anon would be down to hang out just as friends and simply have fun together.
I could introduce him to Gwen, maybe she could find some way to use his pub for publicity.
Y’know... like a win-win scenario.
Uh... yeah, why not?
...
Also... who knows... maybe he would be down...
To... hehehe... have ... “another kind of fun” ...
with no commitment of course... If you know what I mean...
There’s nothing wrong with friends enjoying their time as they please... and we are all adults here.
I learned a few tricks over the years... maybe he did too-
AAAH! What the fuck I’m even thinking!
...
He would be disgusted with me if I’d propose to him something like that...
...
Even if that is probably the height of any possible romantic relationship with me...
The quicker I accept that... the better...
Such a muse you have... dweeb.
...
Shit... I need to stop calling him that...
...
...
...
Why the fuck is everybody staring at me?
...
Fuck off... I’m not in the mood for this kind of bullshit...
Nobody seemed to mind this morning, what changed?
Did people realize who I am?
Ugh... fucking great...
I fasten my pace to avoid any possible mob blocking my path before it gets messy.
I turn around a corner, but I’m hit by a freezing gust of wind that stops me in my escape.
F-fucking colder weather!
My hair waves freely through the air while I shield myself with my arms.
And that makes me realize a small but rather important detail...
I forgot my hat and glasses at the pub.
...
Could this day get any wors-?
“Excuse me, miss?”
I jolt backwards and turn around, when I feel a hand patting me on the shoulder.
FUCK!
I need to do something for my damn nerves! I can’t get a heart attack every time someone approaches me from behind!
...
In front of me there is an orange Stegosaur girl, around my age... no, probably younger. Looks like she just got out of the shop we’re in front of... a flower shop I assume.
Her brown hair is tied up in a couple of buns... Uh, she reminds me of those weird gardening girls at school... maybe she is a relative to one of them... nah, must be a coincidence and she is too old to be related to them.
You can’t fool me this time, universe.
“S-sorry if I bother you... but...” she timidly approaches me holding her hands to her chest.
“Yeah, yeah... I get it... do you want an autograph, a selfie... both?” I shut her off with a smile trying not to be rude with a fan... the least I can do is not be a prick snob.
“Nono... n-nothing like that!”
“What? Oh... how can I help you then?”
“I... uh... just wanted to ask you if everything was ok. Are you hurt or something?”
Uh?
That’s new...
Wait... no, it’s not... this feels weirdly familiar...
...
Hold on a minute...
I raise a hand to my cheek... and it feels wet.
Oh fuck no... not again...
I look more closely at my reflection in the shop window.
My face is covered in dry tears...
I look pathetic... my eyes are bloodshot and puffy... any remnant of my mascara has been wiped clean, leaving only faint dark markings around my eyes.
My hair is an unkempt mess and my nose is leaky.
Is that... really me?
What... when... HOW!?
“I-I... don’t get it... why am I...?”
“Do you need help?”
Is this how I looked before... when I was with Anon?
My lower lip starts to tremble... and new fresh rivers start to flow over my cheeks...
I can feel sobs building up in my chest as my breathing gets faster.
I look away from the reflection and sprint away.
“W-wait!”
I hear the girl calling out to me... but I don’t stop.
Nononono...
I don’t want to be pitied!
Not by him!
Anything but that!
This wasn’t supposed to go this way!
FUCK!
...
What I wanted was... was... shit... I don’t know!
...
...
...
I manage somehow to get to the truck.
Everybody is there... probably waiting for me...
I’m tired... sore... and I just want to go to my room...
...
Gwen rushes to me as soon she notices me... she is blabbing nonstop about something... but I’m not listening...
She looks worried...
Eh... I guess that’s what I do to people nowadays... no I always did with everybody...
I’m just a source of concern...
I walk past her heading inside the vehicle without saying a word.
She didn’t try to follow me... she probably knows that I want to be alone from my behavior...
And I do...
I close the door behind me, locking the door.
...
And I scream.
I let out a sorrowful lament with all my strength... all my sadness in a single cry of agony.
I weep... I wail... I bawl...
I let everything out…
to the point that it hurts… but I don’t care…
I start trashing everything on sight... all the expensive stuff in my room...
are now demolished…
useless junk…
I gag at the view of everything I chose to have... at the cost of what I lost...
Or rather... I gave away...
…
Once again... I’m denied what I really want...
What I need to be whole... but this time I can only blame myself for it.
...
...
I sit in a corner, with my head behind my knees... surrounded by the mess I made...
Feeling like the same broken teenager...
Unable to change...
“A-all I wanted was you... I don’t want to be just a friend... I-I need you... I want you to say that I’m pretty... that you love my music...”
I’m sobbing again... shivering like a leaf in a storm.
“I-I want you to hug me... t-to hold me tight... t-to kiss me...”
My hand gets a hold of a handful of feathers from my wing.
“I-I don’t want someone else... I want you... I don’t want you to replace me... to forget about me...”
I pull…
The ripping sound sent a shiver down my spine.
The air hitting the raw bleeding flesh, and the all too familiar sting makes me realize how this is not a nightmare.
It’s real...
it’s too fucking real.
I lift my head from my legs and look at my hand covered in blood and broken feathers.
My face scrunched up… revolted by the gruesome view…
Disgusting....
...
I got up... and wobbly walked towards the desk...
I let myself fall into the chair like a corpse...
I grab my notebook... opening it to a blank page...
And I start writing...
I write...
And write...
And write...
Staining the white pages full of red smudges...
...
This is the only thing I have left...
3 HOURS LATER
* Click! *
The sound of me unlocking the door of my room announces my arrival.
I’m met immediately by a very alarmed looking ptero woman.
“Lucy! Are you ok!? What happened!?”
“I’m ok, Gwen...”
“Don’t try to bullshit me! You have locked yourself in your room for hours! And what was all that noise!?”
“I needed to blow off some steam...”
“What is that!?” She asks, pointing at the bloodstained notebook in my hand.
Shit... it looks like something out of a horror movie.
“Did you start preening again!?”
She must have noticed the bald patch on my wing…
Red on light grey is pretty eye-catching…
“It’s nothing… it was just a couple feathers… I stopped immediately…”
“Do you need to get home!? I can call this thing off if you need to! I-I’ll think something about it, just say a word and-”
“GWEN!”
She is startled by voice, stopping in her maternal hysteria.
“Y-yes, Lucy?”
“Can you get everybody? I need to discuss something important with them.”
“Something... important?”
“I wrote a new song I want to play at the concert.”
“What!? A new song!?”
“Please... I... need to.”
“*Sigh* ... Ok, fine... I’ll get everybody ready for it... Let’s see if you can play it at the end of the show.”
“Thank you... I can always count on you.”
“Thank me later, girl... is it at least any good?”
“Do I ever let you down on that, old skank?”
“No... you didn’t.”
2 DAYS LATER
This day finally arrived...
Concert time.
God... I still feel like shit... no amount of alcohol can fix this...
I can only get used to it...
...
I should be thinking on the bright side of the situation... and not on the soul crushing side that is driving me nearly insane...
My actions seem to have motivated Anon to become a better person... and he looks much happier than before.
Maybe it’s the same for the others...
From what Gwen told me Trish seemed to be willing to go to jail only to be able to meet me... I guess she must be truly sorry for hurting me.
And Reed... he is probably still by her side... and he has always been a good judge of character.
For my family... Honestly, I don’t know...
I’ll find out only once I meet them again...
There was no mention of Naomi from Gwen... maybe Naser ultimately dumped her Machiavellian ass.
Damn... it sucks that I missed that moment if that really happened.
...
Thinking about it... knowing that being miserable as I am right now... helped, in a weird way, other people to better themselves...
I don’t know... it feels more... bearable...
Like it wasn’t all for nothing...
...
Talking about coping...
Maybe all those church stories I was forced to listen to are taking over me...
Even if I don’t believe in any of that crap... I’m starting to get the appeal for it...
...
...
...
My mind runs amok while I keep singing and strumming my guitar perfectly in auto mode while standing in front of a huge crowd.
Shit… the more I do this… the more it becomes just like a routine…
Like an everyday job… nothing else…
I mean… It is technically my job…
Rock Bottom is full of empty valleys apparently, perfect for the stage and audience area. Props of being so far away from the coast, I assume
Frankly, I’m surprised so many people showed up considering how quickly this thing was organized...
Or was it?... Gwen you sneaky bitch...
It’s almost comical how you can spot any dino groups in this sea of various shades of pink skin.
I wonder if they managed to sneak in this time...
And if... he found the time to come...
...
*Sigh*... better not deluding myself...
He has his life to think about now... better not wasting it in comforting some hopeless wretch like me...
...
C’mon Lucy... people can still enjoy you for your musical talent...
and for your looks... even if they will never understand who you really are.
I can at least make them have a good time...
...
...
...
We’re close to the end of the final song before the last one.
It’s finally time.
I should definitely thank the rest of the band later for being able to help me finish the song.
They are way more talented than I thought.
As the last notes echo throughout the audience, roars of cheers show how everybody is having a blast.
That put a smile on my face... even if it’s a small one.
I shot a quick glance behind me, behind the stage, and I saw Gwen.
She looks a bit nervous... I kinda understand her though, this wasn’t part of her original plan.
But she is willing to take the risk for me... and I love her for trusting me to this extent.
She notices me and gives me a thumbs up with a warm smile.
Don’t worry, sister... I got this.
It’s the only thing I’m sure I can do correctly…
...
My grip on my guitar tightens...
I take a deep breath...
Maybe I should say something... but I can’t find the right words...
I don’t want to pretend that everything is fine...
...
Let’s hope that Anon will listen to this eventually...
It’s the only thing I ask...
Please universe... don’t be a bitch this time...
“Our last song is called ‘Lonely is the Muse’...”
I spent years becoming cool
And in one single second you can make a decade of my efforts disappear
I'm just waiting at the bar and you rip open all my scars
By saying something like, " Didn't know you were here"
I always knew I was a martyr and that Jesus was one too
But I was built from special pieces that I learned how to unscrew
And I can always reassemble to fit perfectly for you
Or anybody that decides that I'm of use
Lonely is the muse
Ah~
Lonely is the muse
So, where do I go in the process when I'm just an apparatus?
I've inspired platinum records, I've earned platinum airline status
And I've mined a couple diamonds from the stories in my head
But I'm reduced to just a body here in someone else's bed
I always knew I was a martyr and that Jesus was one too
But I was built from special pieces that I learned how to unscrew
And I can always reassemble to fit perfectly for you
Or anybody that decides that I'm of use
Lonely is the muse
Ah~
Lonely is the muse
Ah~
And I will always be a martyr, I will fill your life with songs
I'll be a wind chime in the window, catching life you throw around
And I will tear apart your bedroom, I'll call you in the night
I will exist in every second just to decorate your life
And when you're done, you can discard me like the others always do
And I will nurse my wounds until another artist stains me new
I will always reassemble to fit perfectly in you
For anybody that decides that I'm of use
Lonely is the muse
Ah~
Lonely is the muse
Ah~
Lonely is the muse
Lonely and forgotten is the-
My pained screams… that the audience probably don’t realize aren’t just for the show… are quickly replaced by roars of cheers and amazement.
I’m “happy” that my sorrow at least can be turned into something positive… even if it’s just for having something nice to hear while passing time…
…
Against my better judgment… I scan the closer rows of people in the audience one last time before removing myself from the stage…
I don’t see him…
…
As I thought…
…
Goodbye, dweeb.
Everything went perfectly without a hitch.
Looks like our worries about the locals were ill founded as we are being flooded by good reviews on social media.
Good to know... we can rest assured that the rest of the tour will go nicely since our biggest roadblock has been overcome.
I should be happy about it...
The crew definitely is... I’m sure this will boost the popularity of the rest of the band... maybe they could even start a band of their own...
If they don’t want to be stuck with me...
Whatever they prefer...
...
The staff is already packing everything up. It’s only a matter of time since we’ll be back to travelling all over Pangea.
Maybe a few hours before our departure...
And I’ll be back to my previous life... and I’ll be able to forget the painful moments of these days...
...
…
Then...
Why the fuck...
Am I walking back there!?
“Martyr” ... I’m a fucking MASOCHIST!
Raptor Jesus... I’m truly a lost cause...
If I didn’t show Gwen that my phone was fully charged with the tracking app installed on it fully operative, she would have never let me go all by myself again… after last time.
I’m fully aware that this could end up with another knife in the gut.
But my fucking curiosity is killing me...
Was he at the concert or not?
…
Or maybe... that’s just an excuse...
I simply don’t want to leave... before properly saying goodbye…
It could paint me in a better light if I was more careful about that, this time.
Fuck... to think that I only needed to be more mindful of that back then...
I would slap the living shit out of my past self...
I would prefer that compared to the moral one I’m experiencing every single day...
...
...
I’m retracing the same road I walked the other day... getting lost a few times in the process...
But I finally arrived at my destination...
But...
All the lights are off... and nobody could be spotted inside.
Are they closed?
Seriously... Is this a joke?
...
“AAAAAAAARGH!”
I start stomping the ground with my boots, flaring and flapping my wings in anger and sending stray feathers all around me, loudly cursing all sorts of profanities, uncaring of all the surprised people staring at me.
I’m about to smash the front doors out of frustration with a kick... but I stop myself.
Goddammit, Lucy... act like an adult for once in your fucking life!
...
I sigh dejectedly as I start disappointedly walking away without having accomplished anything...
But something caught my attention, stopping me in my tracks.
On the side of the building... a bit far in the back, I spot a small, lightened area...
Something like a... smoker area? Y’know, with benches and shit like that outside the main building.
And I can see a stream of smoke coming from right behind the corner!
…
Could it be?
I don’t waste time thinking about it and I start jogging in that direction.
Pleasepleaseplease!
My heartbeat is going crazy... my palms are sweaty... knees weak... arms are heavy...
Mom’s spagh-AAAAAH! NOT THE TIME!
The sound of my footsteps over the wooden porch makes it sound like I’m walking to my execution...
Or like... as if I was walking the plank...?
Argh! Not the time for pirate shit, either!
Just a few more steps and...
I walk past the corner and look next to me, at the source of the smoke, inadvertently stepping right into the middle of the fumes.
...
My nostrils are begging for mercy.
“Damn... *Cough! * That smells awful! *Cough, cough! * What the fuck is that?” I say out of reflex while having a small coughing fit and waving the smoke away.
Oh, shit...
Anon is sitting on a plastic chair right behind the corner, leaning on one of the armrests and while puffing on a cigar.
He’s in the same clothes as a few days ago... does he still buy things in bulk?
Also... I know it’s technically summer... but isn’t he cold wearing only that thin shirt!?
Must be nice having warm blood...
I mentally slap myself to end my stupid rambling while I’m gawking at him.
Alright...
Be cool...
Just say your farewells... ask him if by any chance was at the concert... a quick hug, a kiss on the cheek and back at the truck!
... ok, maybe I’ll cut the kiss part, but for fuck’s sake, no crying or freaking out!
Again... be cool.
I guess you’re still here...
I pretend I didn’t hear his mumbling and try my best to sound normal.
“H-hey, What’s up, Anon? I-I see that you guys are closed. Is today some human holiday or something?”
“No. I paid everybody and sent them home early.” He said while keeping his eyes forward, away from mine.
“Oh… but why, though?”
“Felt like it... I’m the boss here after all.” He responded stoically before taking a drag of his cigar and blowing a series of small smoke rings.
Huh, you learned that trick too in the end...
As the smoke came close to me, I waved it off again, bothered by the smell.
“Directly from Tuscany. A gift from my dad when I got promoted.”
“F-funny... those look nothing like what uncle Moe used to smoke all the time, hehehe...”
My attempt at small talk falls short as he maintains his neutral look...
No, wait... is he...?
“Are you pissed?”
His response was a long and irritated sigh.
Yep, he is pissed... but why?
“Did something happen?”
“You tell me.”
“Wait what!? What did I do!?”
No seriously, what did I do!?
Oh...
“Were you-?”
“Yeah.”
“And did you-?”
“Yep.”
We both remain silent, with only the sound of the town to be heard.
Crap... was it too soon?
Fuck it... I might as well ask him...
“Did you like the song?”
Another sigh escaped his mouth... but this time... his features seem to soften up a little.
“You sure didn’t go gentle with it...”
“Yeah... it’s kinda my thing... I write my lyrics driven by my emotions...”
“I could tell...”
Shit... I need to fix this.
“L-listen, it wasn’t written out of spite or to make you feel bad or anything like that! I-I just needed to get it out of my system! Nothing more than that!”
“Uhm... ok.”
“Sorry... if it ruined your day.”
“It didn’t.”
What?
“It… didn’t?”
“It was a beautiful song... and you were fantastic while singing it... just like the rest you sang before that one.”
Fuuuuck... stop it! I can't be all giddy and flustered now!
“T-thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Ok, now I’m confused… if it wasn’t for my song… then what did I do to upset him?
As if this wasn’t already enough of a trainwreck…
He took another drag, blowing another big cloud of smoke, thankfully, in the opposite direction from where I’m standing, before placing the still lit cigar in a nearby ashtray resting on a small coffee table next to him.
“10 years…” He whispers under his breath, with me being barely able to hear it clearly.
“What was that?”
“10 years of efforts, Lucy... to forget about you and everything about my staying in Volcadera... down the fucking drain...”
“A-Anon...”
“I’ve worked hard... I’ve met old people... new people… even my shitty parents now regret treating me like I wasn’t going to do anything worth something in my life… and for some weird astral conjunction I managed to avoid any of your stuff for all this time...
Everything was basically perfect...
Until you reappear out of nowhere... only to remind me of everything again... even right fucking now... when I was trying to have a moment for myself...”
“N-no, wait! Let me explain! I-I just wanted to-”
I try to get close to him… but he immediately petrifies me on the spot with a furious look.
“What do you want from me? Please enlighten me.” He asks me while his features twist in frustrated anger.
“I-I…”
“What do you want?”
“I-I wanted to-”
“WHAT. DO. YOU. WANT?”
I lower my head... looking at my feet.
Maybe if I don’t look… I won’t cry this time…
…
“... I don’t know…”
Why is this happening to me?
What did I do to deserve-
Oh… right…
“You don’t know…”
He sounds… disappointed…?
Almost like… as if he hoped I had some sort of answer…
With a heavy sigh, Anon slumped back in his seat. I shot a quick peek at him and I noticed how he too now has his eyes fixed on the ground.
What’s gotten into him? He looks like crap… but why!?
ARGH! Screw this!
I clench my fists and I walk towards him, ignoring all of my primal instincts that are in total disarray, sending me conflicting messages.
I stop right a few feet from him… but it doesn’t look like he cares much about me shorting the distance between us.
What’s wrong, dweeb?
“H-hey… are you okay?”
I flinch when he looks at me again… but… not because I’m scared of him…
His eyes… are the same as those of the other day…
He is not talking… Instead he turns away… grabbing the consumed cigar from the ashtray and taking a few puffs from it to maintain the brace lit up before holding it between his fingers.
“No, Lucy… I’m not.” He responds completely drained of any of the hostility from moments ago.
…
What the fuck am I supposed to do now?
Do I simply leave?
Do I try to console him?
Would he accept my help… or would it make things even worse?
…
“What’s your deal?”
Anon’s sudden question drags me away from my thoughts.
He is keeping his gaze away from me.
“My… deal? W-what do you mean?”
“Why do you keep looking for me?”
C’mon Lucy… he is giving you a chance… don’t fuck it up this time.
“I wanted to say goodbye to you before leaving… a proper goodbye this time.”
“Why…?”
“Because… I care about you… you are-”
Why is it so painful to say it?
“- my friend…”
“You don’t need me as a friend.”
“What!? What are you even saying!?”
“I’m saying that I don’t understand your obsession with me being your friend again! Why do you need me so damn bad!?”
“I fucking told you! Because I care!”
“Why do you care so much?”
I recoil in shock… What is he saying…?
Why does he look… so hurt about this?
“Why do you keep acting like I’m necessary for you to be happy again?”
… again?...
“You have everything! Fame… money… a lasting legacy as an artist and I’m sure anybody would sell their soul to the devil to be by your side…but then…”
Wait… how does he…?
“...Why are you still sad like before?”
“W-what… h-how… I-I don’t understand… What the fuck are you talking about!?”
“WHY CAN’T YOU JUST BE HAPPY LIKE ME!”
I open my mouth… but nothing is coming out…
just like when we last talked…
That’s not fucking fair…
Uh…?
Why did I succeed… while you didn’t?
…
Oh my fucking God…
Is this… that is bothering him so much?
Is he feeling guilty… for moving on?
For being… happy without me?
But… how does he know that my life is instead fucking miserable?
I’m beyond confused.
“Why can’t you just be happy…? You deserve it more than anyone else…”
That’s a question I asked myself…
so many times that I’ve lost count…
to which… I have no answer…
“I don’t know…” I weakly respond… lowering my head back to the ground, resigned that I will never get my answer.
…
…
No sound comes from either of us.
We stay still in place… almost waiting for the other to say something… but neither dares to speak.
Only a few minutes have passed… but it feels like hours.
…
He is getting up from his seat…
probably got tired of waiting…
tired of my bullshit…
I wouldn’t blame him…
it would be better…
just hate me Anon… for what I did… and for what I’m doing to you right now.
I’m not just a weed… I’m a poisonous plant… killing everything that tries to get close to me.
…
Tears start welling up in my eyes…
I don’t care anymore…
I’m just like a lost kid… and honestly…
I feel like one…
I close my eyes… hoping that once I reopen them… he will be gone… away from me… and free to be happy again….
…
but my hopes are once again shattered.
My whole body perks up.
I gasp… remaining breathless…
…
No… please… not this…
Don’t do this…
You can’t be this cruel…
I squirm and protest… but all my efforts are in vain…
…
His big arms are firmly holding me in place… encasing me in a warm embrace…
One hand is rubbing the space between my wings… he still remembers how I love that…
The other is holding me by the nape… gently pushing me to his chest…
…
I try to push him away again but that causes him to tighten his hold on me, preventing me from escaping.
“LET ME GO!”
“No, I won’t!”
“STOP IT! Y-YOU CAN’T DO THIS!”
“Yes, I can and I WILL!”
“PLEASE!... y-you can’t… do this to me…”
I cease my attempts to free myself…
I have no energy left…
and I want to stay like this…
It’s just something that I need… that I missed…
…
I buried my face in his chest… I’m trembling… despite the comforting warmth I’m feeling right now…
My tears are staining his clothes… and I’m tearing holes in his shirt by gripping into it too roughly…
with every hiccup my entire body twitches… but Anon is making sure that I feel safe in his arms…
…
and is working… Goddammit…
“... I fucking hate you…”
my muffled voice comes from below him.
“... how am I supposed to move on from you… if you keep doing stuff like this…? … asshole… ”
a small snort escapes his mouth…
“That’s rich coming from you… come crashing back into my life… looking like that… and you expect me to look the other way?”
“I-I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”
“Shh… everything is okay.”
Anon starts walking backwards, dragging me with him back to the chair where he was sitting before.
He gently lowers himself in it while I sit on his lap, raising my legs to my chest trying to make myself smaller to fit into the spot... with my arms still firmly latched around his torso.
his fingers are sliding across my scales when he caresses my arm while I lean to him…
It feels almost as if this spot was made for me… it just does.
…
“You shouldn’t be doing this, Anon…”
“I don’t care.”
“You’ll regret it…”
“Eh… whatever…”
“But-”
“Can you just shut the fuck up?”
“...”
The only thing that matters is you being ok … the rest is not important…
…
Wait what?
Waitwaitwait... WHAT!?
Fuuuuck! That’s a fucking low blow! You’re making my tail go crazy! How am I supposed to hide it while I sit on your lap, you prick!?
I slowly raise my head, looking at him straight in the eyes, completely stunned by his accidental words.
Right now I’m probably the warmer of the two… my face is on fire right now.
“What do you mean... by that?”
Anon stiffened up… turning away with a slight blush.
“F-fucking mumbling...”
Eh! I love it when he sounds flustered. I take advantage of this moment of distraction to give him a small peck on the cheek before immediately hiding myself again in his arms, pressing my face on his shirt..
hehehe… sorry, not sorry.
I can feel his heartbeat on my forehead…
wait… it’s getting faster…?
Uh…
…
…
“Hey…” I started talking again after calming myself down.
“Uhm?”
“How did you figure it out?”
“What do you mean?”
“How do you know… that my life fucking sucks?”
“*Sigh*... I guess I owe you some explaining, right?”
“Yeah… I’d like to know.”
“Alright… after you left the other day... I couldn’t stop thinking about you… about us... and the talk we had.”
I let him speak freely while I’m engulfed by his relaxing scent.
“I even talked with T-bone about it... on how confused I was about what I was feeling... was I just guilty for how I lashed out at you? Or was there something more than that?
He told me how I was just being too stubborn and that I should have thought about it a bit more before deciding anything… frankly that didn’t help at all.”
Fucking what now? Big guy, you are one hell of a wingman!
“When I got home... I spent the rest of the day checking out on your stuff... your music... your live concert on YouSnoot… it was like… I got reminded… of how passionate you always were about music… but every time I looked at your face… every shot of your big beautiful amber eyes… you did not look happy at all.”
Shit… you understood all that.. by simply looking at me?
“R-really…?” I try not to sound flustered while I draw circles on his chest.
“Yeah… and I was so confused by that… I mean… you have achieved so much… and all by yourself… that didn’t make any sense to me.”
I feel you, buddy… I really do…
“So, on the day of the concert I decided to snuck in… Eh… I thought I was going to get kicked out by security... but for some reason... They gave me a pass? Maybe they mistook me for someone else.”
“Gwen… you amazing scheming bitch…” I curse under my breath.
“What was that?”
“N-nothing… please keep going.”
“Ok…? so, when I saw you on the big screen for the crowd... I felt that strange feeling again in my chest... and then you started singing.”
His embrace tightened around me as he said that… and it’s making me smile like crazy.
“It was just like that time at Moe’s... but this time everything went right...
I… *Sigh* I wasn’t around to screw things up... It was amazing...”
What the hell!? Does that still bother him? even after all this time?
I lift my head from my hiding spot to check on his face…
Shit… it does… He looks so guilty about it…
“Don’t think about that... you were just trying to help… you always did.”
“I know... but still... even during Prom... if only I was someone you could rely on instead of being a nuisance... or a liar... maybe... you...”
“Please don’t, you weren’t either of those things... you were a victim the same way I was... and I was a selfish bitch with you.”
“As I was a selfish asshole to you... ‘Birds of a feather flock together’, am I right?”
“Eh... yeah… sounds about right...”
We share a small chuckle… but our mirth doesn’t last long.
the small smile on Anon’s face quickly fades away…
“As soon as you finished your last song... I could not stop thinking about how… broken you looked... how lost… and I felt like… as if you knew where I was in the crowd… staring at me through that huge screen…”
“To be completely honest… I did look for you… but I didn’t find you in the front rows…”
“That’s because I was in the back. I’d be more surprised if you noticed me among all those people.”
“I guess, that’s fair… You did try to enter at the last minute…
Listen, Anon…even if I’m so relieved to know that you still care so much to do this for me, FOR REAL! you have no idea! … but I can’t really say that you were wrong about me... I fucked up royally with us... with everything, honestly… and this is what I chose.”
”And you’re fine with that? You can’t just keep going on like this, Fang! … s-sorry, I meant Lucy…”
“Actually... I don’t mind you calling me Fang... it’s nice when you do it.”
“O-oh… Really? Uhm... could… be like a cool stage name, what do you think?”
“Dweeb... I’ll think about it.”
“Nice.”
…
I shift a little in my position, since my legs are starting to get sore, resting my back on his shoulder and we’re now facing the same direction while I’m sitting on his leg.
My hand rests over his on my lap, as he keeps firmly but also gently holding me by the waist with his arm.
I hope I’m not too heavy for him… but he doesn’t seem to mind…
“The thing is… it’s not really a matter of ‘being fine with it’, Anon…”
I say before sighing deeply and leaning my head to his.
“I’ve tried to accept how things are… to forget about everything and everyone… and simply enjoy life, just like you did… but it didn’t work… it always came back to haunt me… to remind me how I fucked up everything up… how I threw away everything that was worth something… but I can only blame myself for it.”
“But that’s not true-”
“Yes, it is… I abandoned you… my friends… my family… only because I never view things other than my way… I always thought I was the only one hurting in all of this…*Sigh* I just hope they will be as forgiving as you when I see them again… but I would understand if they were not.”
His hand moved to grab mine, tightly interlocking his fingers with mine but while still being mindful of not hurting me.
that surprised me a bit, not gonna lie.
“H-hey! what are you doing?”
“That wasn’t your fault…”
“What are you talking about? Of course it was. I’m the one that chose to run away… who should I blame for it if not myself then?”
“Me…”
What?
“Anon what are you talking about-”
I furrow my brows, turning to him confused by his admission.
…
I wasn’t prepared for what I was seeing.
Anon… he was crying… his face was drenched in tears.
“Wow! hey! what’s wrong!?”
I shift my position to face him, holding him by the shoulder.
What the fuck has gotten into him!?
“I-it wasn’t your fault… it was mine.” He said, sounding like he is about to break.
“W-what are you saying!? no, it wasn’t!”
“I made you leave…”
He is not listening to me.
I try to force him to look at me by cupping his cheeks, but he keeps his gaze away.
“Anon… look at me.”
“I was never there for you… when you needed it… I’ve never truly thought about what you were feeling… and always picked the wrong choices… preferring the easy way out…”
“Anon… stop it…”
“You were in unimaginable pain… and I ignored it… no, I made it worse…”
“Anon-”
“I’m the one that abandoned you.”
Nonono… Anon what the fuck are you talking about!?
Please don’t do this to yourself! you don’t deserve it!
His eyes finally meet mine… staring at me with a face full of pain and regret.
“P-please… forgive me.”
…
my body moved on its own.
I wrapped my arms behind his head, pushing to my chest. I can feel how he is now shaking in my arms.
I can’t bear seeing him like this.
“Y-YOU DIDN’T ABANDONED ME! D-DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT! I’M THE ONE THAT MESSED UP! YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE FORGIVEN FOR!”
I angrily shout for the absurdity that he is saying, uncaring of the freshly shed tears dropping over his olive shirt.
“I DO! I FUCKING DO! … I never tried apologizing to you for being such a shitty boyfriend… E-even the other day when we finally met… *Sniff* And you still needed me… I pushed you away fearing of compromising my fucking ‘happy life’ here… HOW CAN I EVEN LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR AFTER THAT!? ”
After that, only incoherent cries escaped his lips.
My shirt is completely drenched by him… just like I did with his moments ago.
He is now hugging like his life depends on it… it hurts a little… but I’m willing to bear the pain for him.
I keep caressing his back, wanting him to be ok.
Please, dweeb… don’t be sad for me… don’t cry for me…
“You don’t have to beat yourself up like this… you don’t even realize that you did so much for me… our time together was the best of my entire life… nothing can compare to that… and I will always be grateful for it.”
I lift his head to face me… making our forehead touch while I hold him by the cheeks.
I smile, closing my eyes.
“Never forget that.”
He doesn’t say anything to that… however I feel his hands finding mine.
His breathing returned to normal again and I heard only a few sniffles coming from him.
I think he got my message.
God… we’re both such messes…
…
…
After a bit of staying like this, we separate… getting lost in each other’s eyes.
They’re both swollen and painful… but I can’t stop looking…
They are just too beautiful… like green shining stones…
…
…
I slowly lean forward… and he is doing the same.
…
…
It’s bitter... likely due to the cigar...
But for me...
This is the sweetest kiss I ever had.
…
I close my eyes again...
I don’t want to think of anything now...
We remain connected for what seems like an eternity...
If I died right now... I’d die happy.
...
Yep... this is definitely what I have been missing.
…
…
…
Sadly, the kiss had to end eventually.
Our combined blush could probably power a thousand suns.
Shit… I feel like I’m about to faint right now.
I start giggling like a moron…
I know… shut up…
I’m just happy, ok?
…
Uh… I really am…
it’s so weird to even just think about it after everything I’ve been through…
And I only needed to look up for him…
I’m such an idiot…
…
I hug him dearly, resting my head on his shoulder…
“I’ve missed you… so fucking much.”
“Me too…” He says softly before I hear him snickering next to me.
“What’s so funny?”
“It took me 10 years to forget about you… and only a couple days to be reminded of why I fell for you in the first place…”
Fuck! To think that day I didn’t even want to go to work…
“Well… too bad, I’m not sorry about it. You can only be mad at universe for fucking with us.”
“Hey, I’m not complaining… also what’s this new thing about the ‘universe’?”
“N-nothing… just my ramblings…”
“If you say so…”
“Thank you, dweeb… I won’t make you regret sticking up with me.”
“No… Thank you, Fang… for giving me a chance to make things right with you… Eh Eh… by crashing down like a flaming meteor and disrupting my new quiet life!”
“Uhmmmm… just shut up and hold me tight… I hate Rock Bottom’s climate…”
“Pfft! Yes, Ma’am.”
“Good… I’ll take a nap now…”
GOD! WHY IS SHE SO DAMN CUTE!?
Hehe… I will never get tired of this…
*Ding! *
Our moment of bliss is interrupted by my phone.
Ugh... I’m tempted to throw it at the wall... if only I didn’t know who was texting me...
I reluctantly straightened myself, pulling it out from my pocket.
“What now-?”
...
...
Oh no... It’s time...
I get agitated.
I dart my eyes from the phone to Anon who is looking at me puzzled.
“Bad news?” He asks me innocently.
“I... need to go... but I don’t want to... not now... I want to stay here with you...”
“Fang... look at me.”
I oblige... he is now giving me a warm smile that helps me to calm down.
“Listen carefully... this is not a goodbye, ok?”
I don’t want to go… screw them…
screw the tour!
…
But… for some reason… I don’t want to disappoint him.
“Ok…”
I’m saddened by the fact that he is not opposed to me going away...
…
Wait! What if-
“Come with me!”
“Uh?”
“Come with me on tour! I-I’m sure that won’t be a problem! There is a lot of space in the truck! You could sleep with me-”
“Fang… You know that I can’t do that.”
“B-but...”
“Shhh... I still have my life here. I can’t just leave everybody behind like that. We both know that doesn’t usually end up well. Right?”
“...right...”
“Also… if you ask me… I think you need to deal with your own unfinished business first. Speaking from experience here. That can only do you good and is definitely better than letting it fester and later regret it for not acting earlier, don’t you think?”
He... is right.
I still need to fix my shit with everybody else.
Hey! wait a minute!
“You too have unfinished business with them! Another reason for you to come back with me to Volcadera! you said it yourself, it can only do you good!”
“O-ok, you got me there! H-however, I have people that depend on me here now. I can’t just disappear for who knows how long without any warning!”
Ugh… I hate that he is making a very solid point…
“Fffffiiiine... jerk... I don’t know how long it would take me to fix everything, though..”
“I’m sure everything will go just fine... I’ll be waiting for you right here. I am not going anywhere.”
“You better take some days off work and visit me. I’m not doing all this talking and patching-up shit all by myself. Not now that I know we’re on the same boat.”
“I know, I know… I promise I’ll try... but I am so damn busy! Shit... I need to better organize my work...”
“Pfft! You’re such a dork! … Alright, alright, I’m just messin’ with you… then, I promise I’ll do my best not to make you wait for too long.”
“I wish you the best of luck, but I know that you won’t need it... and for real, I’ll talk to them too. I guess, It’s only fair”.
“Thanks, dweeb… Uhm… I could text everybody to come here as soon as I finish my tour and have one big reunion, Uh? It could save us a lot of time.”
“Please, don’t.”
“Hahaha! C’mon, Anon. What are you scared about?”
“Uhm… I don’t know… Your dad… Naser… Trish… your dad… maybe your mom… uhm… who am I missing? Oh, yeah! YOUR DAD! … Reed is the only one I’m not scared about…”
“Oooooh… yeah… maybe it is better for me to soften them up a bit before you meet them again. Good call.”
“Having said that… I’m not planning to wait another decade before I can talk to you again.”
He finished his sentence by presenting his hand in a receiving manner.
I was confused at first, but I quickly realized that he wanted me to hand him my phone.
As I gave it to him, he quickly tapped over the screen before returning it back to me.
“To be honest, earlier I was pondering on sending you something like an email... maybe asking you to share our contacts if you ever responded to me... and hopefully settle things right between us…
But you showed up again a lot sooner than I expected.
Hahaha! You sure love throwing wrenches at me! ”
I stare at the screen, with my hand shaking out of excitement.
Contact name: Anon/Dweeb <3
I look back at him and he is giving me his trademark shit-eating grin.
I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him once again.
“I expect at least one call every day from you, be warned!” I say while resting my head on his shoulder.
Fuck... I’m tearing up again...
“Hehe... don’t worry about it. You’ll be sick of hearing my voice.”
I don’t think that is possible now.
Shit... I still can't believe it...
I’m walking back to the truck... hand in hand with Anon!
Raptor Jesus... I can’t stop smiling... and he noticed too...
Dweeb...
Gwen is going to lose it!
Sure, he is not coming with us... that sucks not gonna lie...
We finally made up... and we already have to part ways...
…
But... there is nothing wrong in taking things slowly, right?
And like he said... I still have a lot to do... before I plan anything else.
I want to show him... that I can do it...
...
...
We’re here... but I’m not sad about our small walk together... we’re still going to have many in the future.
I’m counting on it!
This time nobody is to be found outside... but I can see that we have a small audience peeking at us from the windows behind the curtains.
Enjoying the show, uh?
“Alright... I guess that’s it.” Anon says while glancing at the huge vehicle.
“Yeah... I’ll miss you.”
“Me too, Sweet Tooth.”
“Aww... you still remember that!”
“I never forgot, stupid.”
I playfully stick my tongue out to retaliate, causing him to burst out in laughter.
We connect in a warm embrace one last time before I go, burning this feeling inside my memory so that I don’t forget about it… I’m going to miss this intoxicating scent…
So… nice…
This is my human… there are many like him… but this one is MINE!
“Y’know...” Anon says from above me.
“Uhm?”
“I was thinking... since business is doing great lately... and once everything settles down...”
“Yeah...?”
“That I could like... open a new restaurant... to expand my brand.”
“Go on...”
“Maybe in a warmer... coastal area? *Wink*”
“Oh, you motherfucker!”
I drag him by the collar to myself into one final kiss.
We melted into each other... like we always were supposed to.
Sorry universe... I was too harsh on you.
Thank you... for bringing him back to me.
...
...
“I... uhm...”
“Something’s wrong, Fang?”
“N-no, nothing... I just wanted to say something to you... since this is the last time we’ll be seeing each other in person for a while... but I don’t want to rush things...”
“Just go for it... I want to hear it.”
“Ok, you asked for it...”
“Yes, I did.”
“Oh, shut up!”
“I will, once I hear it.”
“I hope you don’t... I love you, Anon . You are... what I always needed in my life.”
“Wow... that... left me speechless.”
“I told you... you asked for it, dork!”
“Don’t try to be cheeky on me, Runaway Angel!”
“Oh, God nooooo! Please not you too!”
“Oh, revenge has never been sweeter! Muahahaha!”
“I hate you...”
“Aaaah... Hey.”
“What?”
“I love you too, Fang.”
We’re now back on track, ready to smash this damn tour!
Let’s end this quickly!
I have stuff to do! People to meet!
...
I look back at the window from my room and I wave back at Anon as he is starting to get smaller as we get farther away.
I’m a bit sad about it, but nowhere near like I was a few days ago.
In fact... I feel great!
I feel alive again!
Raptor Jesus... I can’t fucking wait to see him again!
For the first time I know how to spend my money!
I’ll pamper the fuck out of him with it!
He could even stop working so that we could spend more time together!
I’m such a genius! I’m sure he’d love that!
I’ll buy anything he wants! And that new restaurant? I’ll make sure it will be majestic!
And-!
...
...
Fuck... I sound pathetic… and I’m once again rushing things...
I need to be more mindful of his efforts… he was with mine.
And thinking about it...
I could try enjoying the little things a bit more…
Seriously... I need to be better than this... for him... but mostly for myself.
...
...
Although... we could... go on vacation together for the holidays...
Maybe in a remote location... away from my rabid fans...
Japan could be cool... also it’s the birthplace of those weird cartoons he loved so much in the past...
Or maybe he still does as far as I know.
Yeah... sounds like a plan.
...
Uh... it’s funny...
That weird feeling that was bothering me all these years...
It’s gone.
I... feel... complete.
Happy.
...
That missing thing I was looking for...?
I found it.