Chapter Text
Sana really didn't expect this.
She had always believed that her first love would be passionate and tender as shown on TV.
As expected, it was just a fantasy.
For her first love was none other than Myoui Mina, her best friend.
Not that she could complain much about it either.
Mina was the only girl Sana could connect with in a more intimate way, as their distinct personalities intertwined.
Sana would say everything that Mina couldn't. Mina controlled herself, Sana didn't think it was necessary. Sana was a magnet for attracting friendships, Mina kept just enough.
They complemented each other so well it hurt.
It hurt because Mina was straight and had said outright that she wasn't interested in women in that way (Sana always doubted, but seeing how Mina acted with men was proof enough of the harsh reality).
It hurt because Mina had no idea how much Sana suffered inside.
Mina was shy and of few words, but when she gained confidence, she was affectionate and talkative. And that hurt her, because when Mina would leave a kiss on her cheek, she would smile at her in such a cute way.
Sana wished she was hers.
Sana wished with all her might that Mina's smiles and jokes were for her and no one else.
When she lay in her empty bed at night, fake scenarios would play in her mind where Mina loved her in the same way.
When she made out with any woman who fell under her spell, Sana wished it was Mina's lips.
As she paced the bar with her mind a blur, Sana knew she would end up in a stranger's bed, and nothing disgusted her more than that.
Why did love have to hurt so much?
- - -
"Are you going?" Mina asked as she took a sip of her morning coffee.
Sana frowned, confused for a moment. It wasn't her fault that Mina was so beautiful that she attracted her eyes.
(And it wasn't her fault she'd been partying all night to forget her crush either.)
"Go where?" she asked back, averting her gaze ruefully.
Despite it being early, Mina looked great even in her pajamas. Her hair was in a messy ponytail and the shirt was bigger than she was.
"Hyo's party" Mina chuckled, finding Sana's attitude odd. She didn't quite know why, but seeing her distracted contracted her heart with tenderness.
"I don't think so" The chestnut shook her head. "I've already been out too many nights so far this week."
The redhead cocked her head to the side, genuinely concerned. "You're really enjoying your youth, huh?" she said sarcastically and Sana already knew what she meant.
'You should stop going out so much.'
A scolding.
Sana pursed her lips, her heartbeat out of control. She loved when she could appreciate Mina's small tokens of affection. She loved discovering them and remembering them by heart.
"I just... needed a distraction" The chestnut shrugged, tracing imaginary lines on Mina's dining room table.
"Is it work again?" Mina stared at her.
Somehow, it already seemed like a hobby for Sana to lie to her face without remorse. So, with a fake look of indifference and weariness, she nodded her head repeatedly.
Mina didn't question her at all afterwards.
- - -
Mina was already half-drunk when Sana came looking for her at Jihyo's apartment.
The chestnut had been ignoring how her chest was constricting with worry for Mina. Though she consoled herself with the thought that the redhead had never been the type to drink herself into oblivion.
But when Nayeon and Jihyo started flooding her with messages, Sana just knew something was up.
To be honest, Sana didn't see that Mina was acting weird. She was just like any drunk person, babbling and giggling at everything.
Until they made eye contact. Mina immediately smiled and rushed over to Sana, wrapping her arms around her shoulders and burying her face in her neck. Sana reciprocated and looked confused at Jeongyeon, who had been by Mina's side all night.
"I don't know" Jeongyeon shrugged, watching out of the corner of her eye as Jihyo drank her sixth beer. "She wasn't being that affectionate until now. I heard her muttering your name a few times, though. I don't know what you did to her, but I guess you should talk it over with her."
Sana sighed and wrapped her arms firmly around Mina's waist. "Nothing happened between us."
"That doesn't seem like it."
Jeongyeon was the first person Sana had turned to when it dawned on her that she liked Mina. As much as she was sometimes not serious at all and pulled more on the comical side, Jeongyeon was one of the best friends Sana could have asked for.
Jeongyeon helped her quite a bit in accepting herself and keeping her in check.
Sana would have been lost without Jeongyeon.
The chestnut pursed her lips. "I'm telling the truth, nothing happened between us" she insisted.
Jeongyeon nodded, realizing immediately that she wasn't lying to her. She escorted her silently to the exit, holding the door while Sana held Mina's waist.
"Have a good night, Jeong," Sana said goodbye, glancing over her shoulder at her.
"Likewise, Sana."
Getting to Mina's apartment was the easy part. It was having to get her out of the car that complicated everything.
Mina was still in denial, saying that her night wasn't over yet and that Sana was killing her youth. It was weird to see her like that, even more so knowing that Mina didn't even like beer.
When she managed to get her out of the passenger seat, an angry Mina was looking at her. She had a pout on her lips and unfocused eyes, with a blush on her cheeks. Even with that attitude, Sana's heart contracted.
As they passed into the elevator, Mina suddenly distanced herself from Sana and grabbed her chin, forcing her to look at her. The touch and the short distance between them made Sana nervous.
"Mina?"
"I wish you were a man," Mina lamented, watching every detail of Sana's face with utmost concentration.
A lump formed in Sana's throat, feeling her posture stiffen. Mina removed her hand and turned to look at the elevator doors, a frown on her face.
The silence became uncomfortable, making Sana's hairs stand on end and she instinctively turned away from Mina.
When the elevator finally stopped and opened its doors, Sana awkwardly reached around Mina's torso and guided her down the hallway to her apartment. The woman was technically already sleeping, feet dragging.
Sana maneuvered between opening the door and keeping Mina upright. Once inside, she closed the door and guided them into the master bedroom. Sana laid Mina against the pillows and stared at her, a burning in her chest.
"I wish I was a man too" she murmured to her, with a sad smile as she traced Mina's cheek.
With a sigh, she forced herself to leave the room.
Sana really hadn't expected this.