Chapter Text
Welp. Today was the day. This was the moment. You were tired of being alone, and you were going to take your friends advice. You hadn’t had a relationship in over four years, and as nice as being single was … you were done. You missed having a relationship with someone who loved you, and not just in the friend way. Not to say that the thought of actually finding someone who was compatible wasn’t overwhelming, no, you were downright terrified! … But also strangely excited? You kept wanting to back out, but here was your friend at your side, watching your every move. You were going to sign up, on a forum chat where people sometimes got dates, you guessed, at FableFace.
“C’mon,” she elbowed you, a mischievous grin on her face. “Lilly was the best thing to happen to me here, you’ve got to try it!”
You turned your sour face to look at your friend, her curly golden locks flowing from her head, bright blue eyes fluttering at you in a faux-seductive manner and puckering her lips at you. “Mua mua mua,” she chuckled, emphasizing each ‘mua’ with a smack of the lips. You rolled your eyes and used a palm full force into her face, sending her backwards and onto the carpet in a giggling heap. It was a soft carpet, you were pretty sure you had some spare ice packs if she hit her head real hard. Not that anyone would notice, you mused to yourself in the most horrible way. You glanced down at the floor to see her clutching her chest, an excited look playing on her face. If she were a dog her tail would be wagging a mile a minute.
Speaking of dogs, you frowned and wondered aloud, “Allie, what if one of those … creatures … tries to hook up with me?” You tried to word it nicely, but ever since the “monsters” as they called themselves had come up from the Underground a couple of years ago, things were weird around town to say the least. You didn’t hate them, per say, you just didn’t really know how to interact with them. Or anyone at all, really, if you were being honest with yourself.
Your friend scowled at you, immediately straightening up to reach for a pillow behind her on the couch and swinging it forcefully in your direction. You let out a soft grunt as it connected with your arm, she’d been a little harsh. You fake whined and rubbed the sore spot, your skin was always sensitive but you liked playing it up, assuming she was playing too.
“That’s not nice,” she rose, pillow still in hand. You gave her a quizzical look before she gave an exasperated sigh. “Look, I know you’re new to this whole ‘monster’ thing. But some of these monsters are the nicest people I’ve ever met! Like, Doggo comes in every day, right? You’d think that’d be annoying as hell. But he’s also got his own little Seeing Eye dog which is kinda silly but cute? Anyway, Doggo, Doggo’s a sweetheart. He always asks for the simple treats, and do you know what he does? Do you know what he fucking does?”
By this point Allie’s face was in your face, and to say that you were uncomfortable was an understatement. You took a big gulp and breathed through your nose, giving your head a light shake. She pushed her forehead up against yours and said, “He gives half the treats to his dog, and then he gives donates the rest to the shelter.”
“Wha?” You give a startled reply, daring to scooch your wheeled chair back just an inch. The young woman relents with a huff, a stomp of the foot, and takes a couple steps back.
“Do you know how long it took Doggo to stop smoking treats?” You shook your head again. Dogs could smoke treats? Now you’d heard everything. “Four. Years.” She stretched each word, each vowel penetrating your guilty conscience like a knife. “Do you know how long he’d been smoking?” She barely waited for your head to turn when she blurted out, “Thirty! For thirty years he’d been smoking!”
“Dogs don’t live that long,” you spoke, not really thinking about what you were saying.
Allie groaned, rolling her eyes skyward, “Seriously?! Monsters live longer than we do, remember? And he’s, like, a magic dog, so be nice! Didn’t your cousin used to smoke or something?”
“Still does,” you grumbled. You didn’t mind seeing him, he was okay to be around … you just hated it when your clothes smelt like nicotine after every family reunion/holiday/whatever event the two of you happened to be going to.
“See, it’s hard to quit! Now think about it for a person who’s made out of pure magic! That’s like, way more close to their system than anything! And he was able to quit!” She gave another sigh and put her hands on her hips, “They’re people, just like us.”
You attempted to sink back into your seat, wondering how possible it would be for it to turn into a black hole and suck you in right now. You had been pretty racist (?) speciesist (?). You looked away from Allie and mumbled a “sorry” around your shirt. She scoffed, turning her attention back to the computer in front of you two.
“Well, if you’re not going to make your account then I’ll do it for you!”
“Allie no!”
“Allie yes!”
“Allie I swear to god --”
And before you knew it the two of you were back together in a giggling fit, fighting over the keyboard. Your arms became tangled around each other as you laughed, typing in nonsense before an error message read on the screen ‘Your username is too long. Please chose something shorter.’ You both stared at it a moment before dissolving into chuckles, and she finally removed her hands from the keyboard. With a smirk you swiped away the useless letters and pondered a moment on your username. What should you chose?
“… How about WetPanties69?” Allie giggled and your face flushed red almost immediately, too shocked to say anything. She tittered, “I’m just kidding, you shouldn’t take that so seriously!”
“Noooooooo,” you whined quietly, reaching over to your couch for a blanket to hide under. Sadly, it was too far away, and your friend blocked your path with her body, smirking.
“Nuh-uh, no hiding until you get at least an account and talk to someone!”
“But-”
“Honey you’re never gonna get any butts if you keep this up.”
A terrible grin caught on your face and you gave a small cough, mumbling something to yourself, bending you head down to hide in your shirt. Your blonde friend knew that look and narrowed her eyes at you with a wide smile, “What was that?”
You mumbled it again and she gently flumped the pillow on your head, “C’mon, what was it?”
You snickered a moment, trying to compose yourself, fighting the urge to giggle through your words and managed to say to Allie with a straight face, “Too shy for the booty fly.”
“Oh my god.” You suddenly found a pillow in front of your face. “That’s it, I’m doing this for your own good.”
“Noooooooo,” you paused between laughs, full on cackling by this point. You felt the pillow squish into your face briefly before the weight went away and it flopped to the ground and you could see Allie waving her hands in an exaggerated manner, elbows neatly bent at her sides.
“Bye! Leaving the scene of the crime! Bye!” She flaunted off, hips wagging in an exaggerated manner.
You laughed and sat up straight in the chair, “Were you just trying to suffocate me?”
“Suffocated people don’t talk!” She called back, sauntering towards the doorway.
“Oh good. That also means suffocated people don’t make online profiles for dates.” And with that you flumped dramatically into your chair, tongue lolling out and eyes rolled to the top of your head.
You heard your friend stomp on the floor with an “Oh no you don’t!” And with her mighty footsteps she stampeded over to you, flopping her body back down you yours, forcing out a breath of air.
“The hell are you doing?” You laughed, slicking your tongue back in your mouth and resting your arms on her back.
“CPR or some shit,” Allie grunts, trying to hold back giggles and the two of you end up a mess of cackles and giggles again. After taking a few minutes to breathe and sober up, your friend removes herself from your bosom and folds her arms across her own, patiently waiting for you as you stare back at the computer.
The website had been designed with earthy browns, oranges and yellows. It was a calming site, a green dragon’s long neck and head standing proud on the left side of the banner, and an anonymous human shape on the other end. You suppose that represented the bonds of monsters and humans cooperating on this website. One little account couldn’t hurt, could it?
Suddenly, a lightbulb goes off in your head, “I got it!” And you begin furiously clacking at the keyboard as Allie’s blue eyes stare with wonder at your screen. You’ve barely finished typing in your confirmation password when she cups her hand over her mouth in a fit of giggles.
“Really? Shybooty?” She tries her best not to laugh at you, and it’s very difficult.
“Hey, I thought it was pretty awesome.”
“Damn right it is,” she said, thumping a hand to your shoulder. “I’ll go get the drinks!”
You let out a hiss of victory and let your friend skip out of the room, tiny skirt swishing to and fro. You smile and shake your head, clicking over your e-mail to confirm the account and back. You are now officially Shybooty on FableFace, and you have no idea what you’re doing with your life.