Chapter Text
Sighing as you walk up onto the eerie dock and out of the submarine, you think about how this all started for you. Being convicted of crimes you have little shame in committing, then somehow ending up in this hellhole.
I mean, you can't really be angry. You’re the one who thought being in a group of people who have a pattern of robbing banks was a good idea. You knew those fuckers would throw the blame at anyone besides themselves; you were just shocked when it was your turn to get held responsible. Watching the van drive off without you was the most humiliating thing you've ever gone through.
You would've snitched on those bastards, but you're sad to say they all had aliases and wore masks. It ended up with you being thrown in the jail cell all alone.
Now, you’re here in this damned facility trying to get some crystal. You never wanted to be here. You were smart enough to not willingly go with those Urbanshade bitches, but you realized soon after that you didn't have a choice in the first place. They were only being nice by asking you.
You think they're lying about "giving you your freedom" once you get whatever crystal they want you to. You’re not sure if you can just walk back into the jail you were in without cops noticing a reappearing face. Maybe you're known as dead to the world outside.
—
This all seemed straight out of a fantasy book. Being the bad guy who's trying to achieve the glorious crystal for the "good guys" to redeem yourself. To hell with that. You’re not getting them shit, but you do act like you are. Who knows what they'll do with you if they find out you’re slacking on the expedition?
It probably doesn't matter. You suck at the assigned expedition, and they know it too, yet they decided that giving you multiple chances was a good idea. The only thing you’re good for is collecting files. You always come out with at least 500 each time you die. That's the best guess you've got for why they keep you around.
As degrading as it is to say, your highscore is door 36. You would've given up way sooner, but the sole reason that intrigues you to keep going forward with your ventures is that strange guy with three blue eyes who meets you in his office each time you die. He sounds familiar in some strange sense, but you don’t know his name to dig deeper into it. He said he'll tell you when you come to properly meet him, which means he's down here in the blacksite too.
You wish you knew what his damn name is, but no, his name is "He" whenever you hear about him.
He does give you the files of whatever you die to, so that's helpful. Even though, by now, you've uncovered all the black lines off of every file your killers have. So, since he's helpful, you’re fairly nice to him, and as shocking as it is, he's fairly nice to you.
You say shocking because people back at the lobby tend to complain about his rudeness. It's an agree-to-disagree topic for you since they have to be doing something to piss him off to that amount.
He stays in his lane while all you have to do is stay in yours. Yeah, he was pretty sassy when you first met him. Not saying he isn't now, but it's just very subtle for some reason. It's just his personality, you conclude.
Nevertheless, you need to stop being unproductive now and get moving on. Should've bought a lantern too, but God and God alone can know you don’t want to hear any harsh words from that strange guy. You've heard what he says to others whenever they buy something from the Pre-Round Shop, and you don’t feel like starting off the run with a dampened mood.
With that being said, you grab the keycard and open the first door. You're determined to see that guy, and pray he is someone you've known before your life in here. If not, then this is a waste of time. But he'll be someone you know, you swear. Or maybe you hope.
__
Stupid fucking Pandemonium. God, you were hoping this would be a run where you wouldn't get him, but the freakshow just seems to be so attached to you, coming up at door 33. That's just swell. In any other run where you're particularly sick of life, you'd jump out of the locker and let yourself get killed without a care in the world. But you have a goal, and you were determined to achieve it.
You kept the locker doors shut, no matter how many times Pandemonium tried to bash the doors open. How much longer until this piece of shit gives up? Your muscles were beginning to strain, but you still held up to the best of your abilities. Being a robber had gained you a bit of muscle, so that's one thing you can thank the stupid pastime for.
Your muscles sighed in relief after you let go of the doors to the locker, since Pandemonium chose to give up and went to prey on whoever else it would bump into.
You burst out of the locker, leaning up against the doors to now let yourself get a chance at sighing of relief. Now you're just supposed to walk on your merry way to door 100? You’re not sure how people can do this. It's been forever since you decided to put effort into surviving in the Blacksite. Shoutout to them, because you can't even imagine.
However, you don’t have to imagine, because you will go through with it. Can't forget about your goal you're regretting each time you encounter another creature. You hope the strange, helpful guy isn't at door 100. You’re never seeing him if that's where he resides. Hard to believe you'll be jumping out of your lazy habits anytime soon.
__
It's so dark. It's so damn dark in this room. Door 48, you’re still alive somehow. You didn't realize actually trying would take you this far, though your run may end now with all these Squiddles in the room. They were creeping the hell out of you.
To add on top of that, you had to walk around the circular room to find out which door was the real one, which made you have to keep walking past the lot of them. You swear you felt a tentacle caress your ankle, holding back from shrieking and jumping into a different Squiddle not so far away.
You ended up winning the game of spot the difference, rushing through door 49. To your relief, the lights were on, but that didn't last for long since they decided now was a perfect time to twinkle and blink. Shit, an Angler.
As always, there were lockers in the room, but not for you to hide in. Not when you could spot Void-Mass in each of the three lockers inside the room. When has that ever happened? You don't know, and you can't afford to care about it right now. There's no way in hell you’re going back in the previous room, so you sprint towards door 50 with a pounding heart in your chest.
When you rush through the next door, a vent cover pops off and lands on the floor. That scared you so bad that you almost screamed.
"In here," called out by a voice you tend to be accustomed to, but your mind is too fuzzy to recognize it. The locker in this room was right beside the next door, and you're not sure if you can make it there before the Angler reaches you. So with no care of where the vent leads to, you hurl yourself towards the vent, your legs avoiding the passing creature by an inch.
You flop down on the cold floor, feeling as if your heart was going to burst its way out of your chest from the near-death experience. Gathering your breath, you slowly sit up.
"Welcome." Right, you did hear him before you rushed in here. It was easy to forget when you were about to meet your maker, but once he spoke again, your head snapped up, looking at the corner the voice resides in.
What the hell? Your eyes widen upon staring at the... Merman? Fish? What even is this guy? You could comprehend that whatever he was still had a shred of his humanity, though it was little. You saw a face, torso, and arms—he has three arms. Yet he is much tamer compared to other abnormalities you've seen here, so you can't be the most surprised.
You gawk at him to the point where he feels uncomfortable, clearing his throat to zone you back into the present. You stand up, dusting off your pants like you've ever done that other times coming out of a vent. Your expression showed slight embarrassment, staring at him like that with no shame, but who wouldn't?
"Oh, right, sorry," you trailed off, now looking back at him with a sense of normalcy. The strange "man" begins to speak up again.
"...It's you. It's actually you. I never expected you to survive this far. Not with the way your ventures are going," the huge man said with astonishment. Needless to say he recognized your occurring face. Honestly, you were just as surprised as him. You never planned on making it this far, but goals happen and mindsets change, so here you are. He cleared his throat yet again before talking.
"Don't be afraid; I'm not gonna hurt you, despite what you have seen, heard, and/or have been told. My name is Sebastian, your only friend." Truthfully, you began to zone out again after he said that. You heard bits and pieces of whatever else he said, but other than that, you went back to staring at him. He was just so... normal to look at when stood next to your other murderers in this place. So new and much more humane. It's hard to find someone with characteristics like that down here.
Once he stopped talking, you focused back in and pretended you were listening. His voice is so familiar, and now instead of dwelling on the thought after meeting him in his office, you can ask him now and he'll give a real response. His name's familiar too. Sebastian? This is no coincidence. You know this man, but you have to know his last name to confirm it.
"Sebastian? Your name's Sebastian?" He hums at your question, realizing that you were beginning to catch on. He was wondering when you would.
"Yes. That's what I just said," he spits out with feigned annoyance.
"What's your last name?" You have to know.
He was silent for a bit. He wasn't sure if he wanted you to remember who he was. After all, it's not like your relationship with him was mere friendship or anything like the strictly work relationships he has with every other expendable. It was something more, much more than he would've liked it to be. But you’re bound to buy his files on some run. Might as well get this reunion over with.
"...Solace. Sebastian Solace." Your eyes widen for the second time, staring at him with that incredulous expression again.
Holy shit. This really was THE Sebastian Solace. Your old very, very close friend, just as you suspected.
"Sebastian? Sebastian Solace? You're my friend; I used to fu—"
"YES. I am your old friend." Sebastian interrupted you, a vague flush of darker blue appearing on his face. He didn't want to be reminded of dirty memories from so long ago. He didn't like thinking about the past in general, but maybe you were a thought that lingered in his mind and refused to leave on some days.
"That's not what I was going to say—but how long has it been since I've seen you? I thought you ate shit and died," you say with a nostalgic smile on your face, your gaze lingering on him with more warmth in your eyes.
"How are you here? How are you alive? Didn't you die?" You pop out your questions one after one. They've been bottled up for far too long.
"Well, I was brought here the same way you’re here now. Let's just say they used me for different things," he explained briefly. Again, he didn't like to think about the past.
"I can't believe it; they experimented on you? You're like some huge... fish thing now." You give him a good look up and down while saying that. Sebastian's tail insecurely curls into itself, but then he forces it to stay put. He knows he's not what one would call eye candy, and you used to compliment his looks all the time.
"Y'know, I went to the jail you were in. I tried to visit you. I knew you didn't murder people. You just didn't have that in you. But to find out you got the electric chair? Jesus, man." You let all of your feelings from years ago back out. Sebastian felt butterflies in his stomach when you said you attempted to visit him.
"Yes, I was wrongly convicted, but I'm sure you weren't," he said, cheeky as always. You laughed that at. Huh, you laughed in this shithole? Didn't expect that to ever happen.
Sebastian was referring to your hobby, when you used to rob for fun. He knew of it because you told him everything, like he told you everything. You even tried to recruit him once, but he declined.
"Hell yeah I wasn't. Those fuckers left me to rot. I’m the only one left guilty in the end," you spat out. "But I’d rather not focus on that. I’d rather focus on you." Sebastian scoffs at that. Of course you want to do that. You always focused on him like he was some extravagant gem to gaze at. He'll say that as if he doesn't like your attention.
"Don’t be like that. You know you missed me. I definitely missed you," you mockingly coo. Sebastian is not impressed.
"You act as if we ever did anything beside fuck." Sebastian crosses his arms.
"What? You don’t remember how we had the deepest conversations known to man? How we stayed up till sunrise just to talk to each other? How we shared a cigarette?" You can feel all of the memories rushing back, remembering each one of them as if they happened yesterday. You and Sebastian were not just friends, no matter how hard he tries to forget it. You'll be glad to remind him each and every time.
"...Shut up. We were drunk and stupid young adults," he mutters in a basic tone, ignoring huge events that happened throughout the both of yours relationship on purpose.
"Were we drunk all the time after?" He's silent at that, his tail twitching from nasty thoughts barging in his head. The unwelcome memories come graphic for him too.
He doesn't have time for this (as much as he wishes he did). Sebastian has a job to do, and he'll be damned if he gets sidetracked because of some old-time crush.
"Are you going to buy something? If not, then you can go back on your way." Sebastian regains most of the regularity in his tone, speaking in a louder tone than the prior out-of-character meek one.
"Wait, I have to go back out there?" You question with serious shock.
"Did you think you'd be staying in here forever?"
"With you? Yes." Sebastian inhales sharply.
"Well, hate to be the bearer of bad news, but no. I’m here to help you with gear and supplies, not relaxation and comfort."
"Talking with you has brought me the latter feelings though," you dispute, subconsciously stepping closer near him.
"...Buy something or get out. Did you even listen to me when I was explaining how things are gonna work here?" You're quiet for a response, and he facepalms himself. "You can figure it out by yourself now," he decided. Poor you.
You walk over towards his tail since you recognize the items clipped to it. You can assume this is what he's selling. But you weren't really focused on his supplies; you were more focused on his lengthy tail. Definitely a sort of replacement for legs... You wonder how that feels.
You decide that sitting on it would be the answer to all of your problems, and so you did. You unpromptedly sat on his tail, wrapping your legs around each side.
Sebastian did not appreciate this at all. You were one to do or say things without thinking all the time. He wasn't sure if he loved or hated that part about you, and right now, he's still inconclusive.
"Wow, I can just... ride this thing," you whisper. "Like how you used to ride me. Remember?" This time you were doing the verbal part of doing things without a thought in your mind. Great. Just great.
"I don’t think you can ride me now, though. At least not without crushing me. Guess I'll have to ride you?" What the fuck is wrong with you? Have you no shame? No, you don’t, and Sebastian is well aware enough to be able to answer that for you. The past is past, but it shows that you've never heard of that saying. Sebastian was speechless as blood rose to his cheeks, but he knew he had to say something before you could continue to ramble on.
"You know what? You can get the keycard and get the fuck out," he advised. "It's clear you don’t need anything from me." You got off of Sebastian's tail, faking a sad sigh afterwards.
"I’m going to die anyway. The only reason I even made it this far was to see you," you mutter, which left Sebastian feeling all warm in his chest again.
Did you mean that? Don’t you see how he looks now? He's changed, drastically at that, but you still say such sweet things to him. He likes your words more than he'd ever admit. It's only because he hasn't had anything nice spoken to him in so long. He feels pathetic for letting you affect him like this when it's been a mere few minutes into your reunion.
"I'll just have to come back around again, huh? You always play hard to get." You go to grab the keycard you spotted your eyes on, then walk towards the vent. "Bye, Sebastian," you say in a more than kind manner.
"...Good luck out there."
"I'll need it," your voice rings from the vent. Sebastian's gaze lingers on the vent for a few seconds after you leave. How kind of you to stop by, replace his train of thought with degenerate images, then leave. How kind.
__
You're not sure if any amount of luck would've helped you when you yourself didn't even care to survive any longer. You should've jumped into the next Void-mass infested locker you saw if you were going to stand in the open when you heard an Angler approaching. You don’t feel regret in the slightest. You had a goal and you reached it, and now you’re going to achieve the same goal over and over again.
You can't and would never say that seeing Sebastian made you feel nothing. With all of those memories of him popping back up in your head again, you've got to say, you haven't felt horny like this since the last time you've seen him, which was forever ago. You wonder if you could ever relive those memories with him now...
Is it even possible? With what he looks like, you're not sure, and it seems as if the question is one you'll have to take action on to know the real answer. Most living things have a hole of some sort. Sebastian is partially human right now, while the other half is occupied with what you'll call mermaid genes. Where would genitalia be located on a tail? If there's a hole, there's a goal, as the saying goes. You're left wondering if he would be up to the idea as well.
He was pretty cheeky at your reunion, yes, but he was always cheeky. It's his personality, and you can't change that factor with ease. You'd like to add on that he was leaning on the more endearing side of cheeky. It has to mean something compared to the way EXR-Ps back at drop-offs talk about him.
He's got to be pent up in this place too, having been down here for an approximate decade. Who else is better to get it down with? Not like it would be your first fuck, but it would be your first fuck with his new appearance.
You wonder if he even likes how he looks. Is he insecure? Maybe. He was a little unconfident of certain things about himself back then, but your words could rid of all his worries. It wouldn't be a bad guess to think his past lack of self-confidence carried on into the present.
Even with saying all of that, there's no way to know if he'd be down to fuck without asking him. Though you can't just ask him that, especially not right after your recent meeting. You have shame—though it was little, you still have some.
So, the plan was to build your relationship back up again, flirt with him in the process, then pop the question. It sounds easy enough, and you hope it'll be just as easy to accomplish.
After having somehow thought about all of this within the short time frame, the Angler arrives soon after and kills you in its path.
—
You spawn in the comfy chair in Sebastian's office. You’re well acquainted with the space. You turn your gaze upward to look at his gleaming blue eyes, which were staring right back at you.
"...Door 53? Did you just—give up? I don’t understand. You were doing better than usual, then somehow it goes down the drain?" He questions in a moderately irritated tone.
"What? I said I made it that far just to see you." You shrug, watching as Sebastian slides the folder closed, slipping it away with him. He only grunts at your reply, watching you with small fondness as you fall unconscious to make your way to your next run. A part of him hopes you keep this energy up to continue your visits to him. It's nicer than he expected to see a familiar face, or it was just your face in particular that makes him feel all nice.
__
Here you are for the umpteenth time, inside the submarine, arriving at the submarine dock. You were more eager to step up and out of your transportation since this time you had plans that you were wanting to reach. No, it wasn't getting the crystal. Maybe in another life where you’re insane would that ever be your goal. Sebastian's here; why would you ever need to leave?
The single thing on your mind was Sebastian—and getting lots of files. You didn't get a proper look at his stock and prices because of how much you were fooling around, but you do remember little of it not being cheap. As expected from Sebastian. He knows his worth, that's for sure.
You can't forget about giving HQ files too. You’re quite sure that the only reason you’re granted eternal life is because of the stacks and stacks of files you come back with. You can't have them detonating your PDG and ending you for good all because your hefty amounts became little.
This is a first for you: ransacking the blacksite for some folders instead of your simple searches for them whenever you feel like it. It might take longer for you to reach Sebastian this run with the additional objective, but you'll meet him in due time.
__
Door 49, so close to Sebastian, you thought. But to your surprise, this was actually the room where Sebastian's shop would be, the vent cover popping off and thrown being the evidence. Again, the action scares the shit out of you. You’re not sure if it'll ever not, especially if his shop appears in different rooms, which will only leave you more on edge.
"Need to stock up?" Yep, it was him. Not that you ever thought otherwise. Your eyes shift towards the many metal drawers in the room. You can search those for any folders before visiting your old pal, so you do.
Searching the last drawer near the next door, you hear Sebastian call out again.
"Wow. Not even going to stop by to say hi?" That's funny, but you're not leaving yet. You would've thought he misses you so soon, but you don’t think he knows that it's you rather than some other expendable. It's always nice to imagine, though.
You turn on your heel, crouching down in front of the vent and crawling inside of it. Sebastian pulls on his esca, letting a yellow light fill the room.
"It's you again," he said with slight surprise. "I didn't think my presence would encourage you this far." You stand up, your lips pulling upwards when your eyes land on him. "How goes pushing yourself to your limits?"
"Hey, I wasn't even trying that hard in most of my previous runs. When I do put effort in, I get to meet lovely people like you." Lovely? Sebastian rolls his eyes at that. You shouldn't be flirting at a time like this. Or were you being sarcastic? He doesn't know, and he shouldn't linger on it for any longer because he doesn't care. At all.
"But lucky for you, I did hunt for all the files I could find," you said with pride, placing your hands on your hips. "Oh, so you’re here to purchase from me instead of doing something idiotic. Surprising." You chuckle at that. It feels good to. You're reminded of Sebastian back then, and memories of Sebastian are equal to good memories.
"Yes, yes, surprising, I know. So, what's for grabs today?" Sebastian's hand gestures towards the items on his tail. You walk towards his added appendage, remembering what you did last time you saw it. You weren't going to repeat those actions, since what followed after was you getting kicked out. You can't afford that right now. It'll only make your plans take longer.
Your eyes scan over each item, noticing two pouches are left empty.
"Isn't there supposed to be stuff here?" You pointed out, causing Sebastian to glance down. "You aren't the only expendable who comes and goes. I've had customers come before you," he explained.
"What? I’m not the only one who visits you?" Sebastian looked at you as if you were the one with additional limbs.
"Did you think you were? My business would fail tremendously if you were my only buying customer." Your expression looks a bit deflated. "And here I thought I was blessed," you said, your lips twitching downward. Though in all truth, you’re not the most upset. "No, as sad as that is for you, friend, you’re not." Sebastian added as a cherry on top.
Sebastian watches as you purchase a medkit and a code breacher. It was nothing short of an act. You’re going to reach your demise after saying your goodbyes to Sebastian, but you'll support his business like the good friend you are. However, you don’t spend up all of your currency. Need to please HQ as well in order to keep your immortality, a constant thought in the back of your head.
You inspect every other part of his shop that you weren't able to before, now standing in front of a desk with several items splayed on top, but Sebastian's files are what caught your eye.
"...Your files?" You question.
"Yes. Just as all of the other beings from hell here have one, I have one too," he clarifies.
"For 1,000 files," you state, your eyes looking between him and the price.
"Did you think it would be anywhere close to cheap?" That's true, you admit. It's not real money, but you can assume the currency helps him out in some reasonable way.
Now what did you say about pleasing HQ? Will they really be bothered if you come up with fewer files on one simple run? They'll be alright. You hope.
"I'll buy it," you declare. Sebastian's pleased with your purchase; a small hum comes from him. He grabs a copy of his file from God knows where and hands it to you in exchange for the files. You stare at it confused, then stare up at him. He nudges the pieces of paper closer to your face.
"...What is that?" You question.
"What do you think? My files?" Now he's confused. You put two and two together, realizing he's made copies of his files for expendables to buy.
"I can't get the original papers?" That smirk makes its way on Sebastian's face again. "No, no you can't have the original papers," he mocks, wagging the copies in your face.
"Who else beside me would even have it?" You question more to yourself than him, reluctantly grabbing the copy anyway.
"Can I sit down in here to read it?" You ask, a polite tone finding its way to sneak in.
"Knock yourself out. HQ can't reach you here anyways," he answers with a shrug. You’re surprised he said yes.
Oh, that's right. HQ was never on your mind when you were at Sebastian's shop, so the question of why they didn't do or say anything about Sebastian never came up. You’re quite sure you would've been dead if HQ knew about this when you think further about it. You’re glad you hadn't muttered to yourself about Sebastian; you're sure they would hear it and kill you off as soon as the words left your mouth for insubordination.
You take a seat right where you were standing, getting comfortable to begin your read, until Sebastian speaks up again.
"You know, you can take off your diving gear as well. As I said, you’re unavailable to HQ right now, so you can think of my shop as a little... half-mark break." Sebastian suggested with his hand pointing towards the weight on your back.
He doesn't care to tell any other expendables that, because they'll find out for themselves after some time. He's just helping you find out about the short rests you can take in his area a little quicker. But you don’t know that, and you don’t need to.
You listened, giving a nod as a reply. Your hands move behind you to take off your oxygen tank. It feels amazing to have the weight lifted off of your shoulders. You had gotten used to it over time, but without it, you've forgotten how free it feels. You stretch your arms up, then lie your back against the ground.
"God, this feels so good. I don’t know when's the last time I've been able to do this," you groan. Sebastian watches in amusement.
You allow yourself a few more minutes of relaxation before sitting back up, grabbing the files of Sebastian. As much as you wanted to indulge in your relief, you're not sure how much longer you'll be allowed in Sebastian's shop until he kicks you out, now that you're aware he will do so without hesitation. He's already let you do this much, so of course you have to thank him.
"Thanks, Sebastian. You're always so practical, a part I'll always love about you," you dally. Can't forget about your plan, and it's always nice to talk to him. Sebastian notices your tone. His eyes widen a bit, a noticeable clue from your constant ogling at him. He decided not to respond, though. Not with his words, at least.
A low purr emanates from his throat, but it's gone as soon as it arrived. You would've taken it as a hum in any situation where you weren't paying as much attention. You’re going to assume that's a sign of your flirting having an effect on him, though you won't point it out. Slowly but surely, your plan was moving forward.
Back to dragging your attention on Sebastian's files, you begin your read.
—
Sebastian watches you as you plop his files onto the ground, seemingly done reading.
"Well, that was something." You run your fingers through your hair. "You’re smart as hell, even under those god awful circumstances," you complimented, your eyes admiring him once more.
Sebastian avoided your gaze, thinking about the very situation you were talking about. He hasn't been able to erase it from his memories yet. He thinks he did what any person desperate to escape would do, but if you say he's smart, then he'll take it.
Again, he only hums as a reply. He doesn't seem very talkative on this visit, which leaves you to fill up the empty space. You'll take it as a pro, giving you more chances to start up conversation.
"So you've been down here ever since?" You ask, and Sebastian nods in response. "What do you even eat down here?"
"Annoying expendables like you," Sebastian jests, letting his pointy teeth reveal themselves. Although it was a simple joke, you did flinch a subtle amount but chuckled soon after.
"You'd eat me? That's hot." Sebastian stares at you, clearly not amused at all. Yet his tail fin jerked, even if it was by a smidge.
"When you start talking like that, I know it's time for you to go," Sebastian looks toward the exit. You sit up and lean your head back. Letting out a groan, you begin to pack up your goods.
"Yeah, yeah. It's fine, because I'll be leaving as a happy customer," you said while putting your oxygen tank on. "Even without my purchases, I would've left happy. Seeing your face puts a smile on my own," you grin. A dark hue makes its way onto Sebastian's face, and again, he's nonverbal. He only peers at you, most likely waiting for you to leave. You do so, but not without giving Sebastian a wink paired with a small wave goodbye.
Sebastian's face scrunches up in what he wishes he could call disgust at your way of saying farewell. But with the way he stares at the vent for a couple seconds, as if you forgot something and would come back, he knows he's fallen too low to save himself. He wonders what his life has come to.
—
Smoothly sailing is what you'd call your goals right now. You noticed Sebastian blush; you’re not blind. And he's been so quiet, which has to mean he's at a loss of words because of how charming you are. No one can tell you otherwise.
Enough of that; you'll be able to think plenty about Sebastian later. And see him, you add. Now it's nearing the time to find another way to die. You're getting tired of the classic death of standing in the open for Anglers to scoop you up and good jumps into occupied lockers. So you ponder another way to reach your end.
As you amble into the next room, you notice a vent cover in good quality, which means the vent would lead to the next door. But the huge pit in front of you caught your attention. You’re sure in any other situation where you weren't paying attention, you would fall into the hole, thinking it was only more water for you to swim in.
What a great way to die. It'll keep HQ from any suspicions of you dying on purpose, because no one can to Void-Mass so many times without getting the hint by now. Plus, you'll be able to feel like you’re flying for a few seconds, and who wouldn't want that?
You walk towards the pit, taking a leap straight into it. You get engulfed by darkness, and then you die, just like you wanted.
Time for another run with effort put into it solely to meet Sebastian once more!