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Forgiveness was hard, and strangely sad. But the results were beneficial. No matter how hard he tried, how much he had insisted, Genos could not go on alone, even if he still had Doctor Kuseno. But it had been by the command of the doctor that Genos restart the friendships he had halted. Rebuild the bridges he had burned.
“Time is not my friend, Genos. I am old, and the old die. You will forgive the people that care about you for both your sake and my own.”
“I cannot excu-
“You can, and you will. I will not have you die in a pit because of your stubbornness. You need to learn how to trust again.”
At first he had ignored the doctor. But he could not ignore Saitama. Not the words of his teacher, his master, his love.
“Don’t hate them for a choice they never made. I worry about you so much, and it would help if I knew you had at least one other person to rely on.”
And if that had not been enough, Saitama knew just how to ensure Genos would comply.
“Do this for me. Please, Genos.”
There could be no argument when he asked like that, and he had always said he would do anything for Saitama. Anything for the man he loved.
Genos had never experienced a time when he had forgiven someone to this extent though. He could forgive insults to himself, bad behavior with a cause if an apology followed, little things compared to this. The person he loved most in the world, taken from him, separated from him, and the people he had trusted to stop it had done nothing. He had put his faith in their hands and they had thrown it back in his face. Even after years had passed the sense of betrayal had never dwindled. But he had to try. For the doctor that gave him a new body, and for the hero who had given his life a new meaning.
He spoke to Mumen Rider first, because he had been the easiest. The man had had no power of the situation but had still tried to fight for Saitama. This had been appreciated by Genos, but in his grief and anger he had not acknowledged it.
“What you did was noble. You spoke the truth even though no one listened, and I never thanked you.”
“Genos, you don’t need to thank me. I did it because it was the right thing to do. I really miss him too, it’s just not the same anymore.”
It had been a reunion burdened with a common grief, and the two had left on good terms, sad at the way the world had turned out but respectful towards the man they both admired.
“Lets hang out again, Genos. I don’t want us to be strangers.”
“I agree. And call me if you ever need help. I will come.”
“Ah. Saitama used to say something almost just like that.”
King was harder, mostly because no one knew where he was anymore. He didn’t go to hero meetings, and he had moved apartments at some point. Genos remembered the last time he saw King. The man had been talking with Saitama, about the time Saitama and Genos were beginning to realize what was coming. King had all but admitted he was afraid of Saitama, despite their friendship. Could Genos forgive King for hurting Saitama’s feeling like that?
It took a good few days, but Genos tracked him down. And despite the urge to break in through the window, he had knocked politely on the door.
“King, I know you’re in there. I can see your heat signature and I will not be leaving until we have a conversation.”
Thinking back, it could have been more polite, but sometimes force was necessary. King had eventually complied, as if accepting his fate, and silently unlocked the door for Genos to enter. In silence they stood, until Genos decided he would be the one speaking first.
“Why did you run away? He considered you a friend, and you abandoned him. Why?”
“…I don’t know. I thought he hated me anyways, so I might as well just leave. I’m not even a real hero. None of it ever mattered.”
“It mattered to him. Saitama-sensei never hated you. Hero or not, he needed your support.”
“What could I have done? I’m not strong, I can’t fight, I was scared! I was useless because I’m always useless, so I ran away. I am aware of my shame, but I also know there is nothing I can do.”
“You can always help people. Saitama-sensei didn’t always help just by fighting. I’ve seen him change lives with words alone.”
“Well I’m not half the man he was, ok? Compared to him-
“No one in the universe can compare to him. But we can still follow the examples he set as a hero, and as a very great man.”
When King said nothing back for a long time, Genos let himself out. Three days later King met him outside the little apartment in Z City. He had a large bag with him.
“Next time you see him, give him these for me. I know he’s probably bored out of his mind.”
The man left just as quickly as he arrived, and Genos inspected the contents. It was full of various manga and video games, and two hand held devices. Genos knew they would be appreciated by his master, and knew that in his own way, King was opening up just a little to Genos, as Genos had opened up just a little to King.
For a while Genos continued his work as a hero still ignoring Bang, content that he had at least two sources of some kind of companionship. But Bang cornered Genos, and much as the younger man would have loved to dispatch the older, Bang was ranked third in S Class for a reason.
“King told me you and he talked the other day. He said it was nice to finally see you again after all these years.”
“That does not concern you, old man. Move aside.”
“If you’re ready to talk to King, then I think we’re long overdo for a chat.”
“You are not a part of my life, and I am keeping it that way. You mean nothing to me.”
Genos could tell his words had hurt, but even so Bang did not back down.
“Saitama asked me to watch over you when he could not, and I made a promise to him that I would. I will not go back on that promise, Genos.”
“Saitama-sensei should know that I am capable of taking care of myself without him. I do not need your unwelcome pity.”
“His heart would break if he knew you had isolated yourself as he once had.”
That had hurt. The words had been too personal for Genos to accept, and he lashed out.
“At least I never betrayed him, allowed him to be thrown underground like an animal! I stood by his side while you turned your back to him! You stood back and watched as he was lead into hell!”
“I did everything that was in my power to convince the association to leave Saitama alone, but you are intelligent, you know what fear does to people, how it twists the mind and convinces people into bad decisions! Nothing could stop what happened, not you, not me, not even Saitama.”
“Give yourself excuses. It changes nothing.”
“Genos, please, you cannot always fight alone!”
“I wouldn’t be alone if Saitama would just come back to me!”
Silence filled the space between and around them as Genos clenched his jaw and hands. He was shaking. He was tired. He did not want this weakness exposed.
He wanted Saitama.
“Genos, he would if he could. You know that…”
“He could leave anytime he pleases. He chose to be a prisoner. He chose to leave me.”
“No Genos, he chose to protect you. He gave himself up for peace. He chose to protect this world despite humanity’s cruelty. He could not run away with you because he could never be selfish.”
Genos hung his head, hating how every world Bang spoke was true. Hating how he knew all those things, but couldn’t bear to think about them. Hating how he was the selfish one, and how he wished so badly that Saitama would just be a little selfish too. Genos knew Saitama better than anyone, but other people still knew him enough, and Genos had forgotten that. He had been alone long enough to begin thinking he was the only one his teacher cared about, and there had been no one to correct his thoughts because not only had Genos been firm in this belief, but he had chosen to isolate himself. He had thought he could go back to being alone like before Saitama, but he had failed to take into consideration how much he had changed because of Saitama. He had experienced friendship, had tasted the joy of strong companionship, of love, and he could never go back after that. Saitama had ruined him in that way.
“Is it so wrong to want to be with the person I love, despite the consequences?”
“Not at all. In fact, I would say it is simply quite human to feel this way.”
A hand on Genos’ shoulder was all it took for the walls built over years to crumble into dust. He was very much a grown man, but in that moment, Genos was once again reduced to a vulnerable teenager, lost and confused and hurt.
“Come to the dojo with me. I have all the ingredients for a hot pot, and it would be a shame to let good food go to waste.”
In silence they walked, and it had felt like a great weigh had been lifted from Genos’ chest. It wasn’t a complete fix, it would take time and many more words, but the friendship wasn’t broken anymore. Genos had not had the capacity to feel a loss of companionship, his mind too overrun with betrayal and denial. He had hated so much, hating was easy, hating was almost natural for him, but now it weighed on his shoulders.
He did not want his love to be faced with the residual demons behind his eyes. It was time to let go.
~
“Come back anytime, Genos. You are always welcome.”
“Thank you. Goodnight Bang.”
Genos didn’t bother taking the steps down, the high dojo offered the ideal launch point to get into the air anyways. It was a clear night, and Genos did not want to feel bound to the earth. Doctor Kuseno had seemed so pleased when Genos had told him of his progress with the other people in his life, and Genos noticed how the lines on his face seemed to have doubled while his back was turned. He touched his own face, smooth to a surface not unlike polished stone, and completely ageless. Though his body regularly changed through upgrades and maintenance, the artificial facial skin and constructed features remained the same. He had once asked Saitama if he still appeared as a boy to the older man, to which said older man replied that no, Genos had never looked like a boy.
“Perhaps your face is a little on the young side, but no. Your eyes have always shown your true age.”
“My true age? Do you mean biologically?”
“No, no you’re much older than that, Genos. You have an old soul. You’re still young of course, but I’ve always thought you were mature.”
Genos had not corrected his teacher by saying he had to be human to have a soul. Saitama would surely have argued, and Genos didn’t want to dwell on it. He didn’t need a soul, he didn’t really need anything if he had Saitama.
A familiar ring sounded in his pocket and he answered immediately.
“Demon Cyborg, City M, threat level Drago-
Weightless above the buildings, he allowed gravity to bind him back to earth with the feeling of hope radiating through his mind and flowing in his limbs.
~
They sat above the settling dust and ash, hands intertwined as the silence of an ended chaos blanketed the world. The building they sat on was on the verge of collapse, much like everything else around them. They occasionally stole a kiss from one another, but for the most part they leaned on each other, embraced in comfort. It was late, and the night was dark. It felt safe in the dark.
“I feel old. Do you ever feel old?”
“Saitama-sensei, you always say you’re old.”
“Well I feel old. You’re dating an old man, Genos.”
“Can we technically be dating if we have never been on a date?”
“Ok you brat, what would you call us then?”
“First, I am older than sensei was when he first called me a brat, therefore I think calling me a brat is similar to calling the past Saitama-sensei a brat. Second, to answer the question, we are both in love, and have engaged in multiple forms of physical intimacy, along with various romantic activities, and sensei himself referred us as ‘partners’ in his letter. I like this word because it doubles as a title for two people working together, so in our case we are fighting partners and romantic partners.”
“Always gotta explain the long way. Partners though…yeah it fits, doesn’t it?”
The older man placed his head on the cyborg’s shoulder. He let out a long breath, the air rolling off his tongue in visible tendrils of heat. Genos had not noticed the cold in the air, but Saitama always made him aware of the things he previously left unnoticed.
Once, Genos had thought of Saitama as the sun. But he had been younger then, and he hadn’t known Saitama as he did now. Where before he had looked up to Saitama and seen only a blinding power, now he saw the man who wielded it. Saitama wasn’t like the sun. He didn’t shine so brightly he blinded you, nor did his light overshadow everything else. Although to Genos, Saitama would always be the brightest and most beautiful thing in existence, the sun was not humble like Saitama. But the moon, which only shone bright in the darkness, which illuminated what was hidden, which looked down on you so gently, that was Saitama. Not everyone noticed the moon, or the light it shined, but still the moon remained, illuminating an impenetrable blackness.
Would that make Genos the stars, only wiling to shine when the moon rose? Only a flicker of light dancing in a far away world compared to the moon, but persistent against the nothing of space. He would protect Saitama from that darkness, even if he was only one light against an eternity of unknown.
But the stars disappeared everyday, their absence replaced by others. They burned so brightly, and then vanished. Little specks of light, extinguished forever. And amongst a billion others, would the moon even notice the loss of one far away star?
~
“Genos, do you ever think about living at the Hero Association headquarters? You would be offered a rather nice living space as a top ten S Class hero.”
Genos put down his tea, looking at Bang seriously.
“I would not want to leave sensei’s and my home. If I left it would fall to ruin, and sensei would be unhappy. I also enjoy keeping it tidy so that when sensei comes back he feels welcome.”
He did not ignore the way Bang stared at him warily. Genos knew he had said ‘when’, and he also knew that most of the world didn’t even think ‘if’.
“I only thought because if you lived there, wouldn’t you be closer to Saitama?”
“I would be no closer to him there than I would be in Z City. Tatsumaki makes sure of that.”
Genos felt childish as he glared at his teacup at the thought of her. Saitama had explained countless times how she had been kind to him, despite her own unhappiness. It wasn’t her fault, he knew that, but she provided an easy target for his hatred to manifest.
“Ah yes. I go to see her sometimes, provide a bit of company since she gets so little these days. It’s actually quite remarkable how much Saitama seems to have influenced her.”
“What do you mean? The last time I saw her she had no problem nearly killing me.”
“You have to give her a chance, see things from her perspective. She had to give up everything from her previous life to do something she didn’t even want to do.”
“Are you telling me I should pity her?”
“No, I’m saying you should forgive her. Next time instead of trying breaking through the walls to reach Saitama, just use the door. Talk to her, show her you mean no harm, and she will have no reason to attack.”
“She would attack on sight. She has never cared about anyone besides herself.”
“There you are wrong. I told you Saitama has influenced her. I’m sure you are more than aware of how he is able to coax the good out in everyone. Tatsumaki had grown as a person thanks to him. She is kinder, respectful towards others even. She lashes out less.”
The two sipped tea in silence, Bang sitting peacefully on the wooden floors of his dojo. Genos was envious of the man. He had accomplished so much in his life, had family he could see and speak to, had made a home for himself and a title, and found peace with the world despite its hostility. It felt like the elder had everything, while Genos was struggling with so little. It made Genos feel very young.
The startling sound of an old phone ringing nearly made the younger man jump. Bang glanced over at the phone, and reluctantly got up to answer.
“Hello? Yes. When? Now? Ah…yes. No. He’s here with me now. Yes I’ll tell him too. We’ll go there immediately. Thank you.”
Genos put down his tea as Bang hung up. They turned to the door in unison, ready to bear the weight of their ranking in the world of heroes.
~
“Genos, look.”
He did, turning his head where Saitama was pointing, eyes turned skywards to gaze at a black sky littered with stars.
“What am I looking for, sensei?”
He could not find anything unusual that Saitama would have wanted him to be aware of.
“What? No, you’re not looking for anything, I just thought all the stars tonight were really amazing.”
Genos turned to look at Saitama, whose eyes reflected the lights above and whose flesh was bathed in moonlight.
What was so amazing about the stars when a man such as him existed in Genos’ world?
~
Genos opened his eyes, and closed them again. It had been so long since he had been so injured, he had forgotten the pain. Was he weaker now for succumbing to it, or stronger for living so long without it?
His name rang through the air, but it was left unanswered. He could not speak.
~
Below the world, there was silence. It was the kind of silence that lingered in the air, ready to be broken. Saitama was unable to be the one to break it though. He had let it fill the room so completely that he no longer found the strength to push it back. He did not want to hear his own voice bounce against the walls, only to be replaced by the silence yet again. There were no distant footsteps, no rustle of plants in wind, no chirping of cicadas, no hum of electricity. He was inside a television and someone had pressed mute.
Tatsumaki would be visiting him soon surely. It had been an unusually long time since she had burst into the room, looking to defeat her boredom. Had she been called out? Was something really big happening? No, if she had left he would have felt it. It would be less silent, he wouldn’t be so enclosed. If anything it was as if he was more enclosed than usual. The box she made around him somehow thicker, maybe smaller. Which brought the question, why?
What was being hidden at that moment?
The beeping of the door alarm alerted him that someone was entering. This was a rare occurrence since Tatsumaki usually didn’t bother to wait for the security to unlock everything. He had been observed a few times, but only at the beginning. No one could learn anything about him just from observation other than the obvious factor of his strength. He knew he unnerved people in the association with his habits of leaving but still coming back. They did not understand him, so they left him alone.
When the doors opened, he was surprised that it was Tatsumaki. What he immediately noticed after her entrance though was that the suffocating feeling had tripled. His eyes widened, and he stared at her. She was trying to use her full power on him.
She had done this before, years ago. Her force should have paralyzed him, or crushed him even. Instead it only gave him the uncomfortable feeling of being slightly squished. Like wearing clothes only a bit too small. She had long ago stopped trying to suppress him, learning that it only exhausted her and agitated Saitama. Why she was doing it now though…it almost frightened the man. Not because she could hurt him, but because there must be a reason. That reason was hidden behind green eyes with heavy bags underneath, and a face etched with concern.
“What’s wrong?”
He didn’t mean to, but his words clearly started her. She would have jumped if she hadn’t been floating, but she did flinch. She was acting like she didn’t know Saitama, like he would hurt her. Like something had shocked her and she couldn’t concentrate. It had only been one other time in his life that he had seen Tatsumaki like this, but he remembered it. She was afraid.
“You wanna play checkers? Looser has to do the Macarena.”
Saitama almost never won board games against Tatsumaki, partly because he sucked at them, partly because he didn’t like dealing with her tantrums when she lost. He did know she liked them though. It was a way for her to feel superior and have fun without admitting it. Maybe she would feel more in control and at ease if they did something normal.
“…No.”
Her answer proceeded to disturb Saitama further. Hesitant and short, it didn’t even sound like Tornado.
“Are you gonna tell me why you’re squishing me? It feels weird.”
“I thought…I don’t know. I don’t…know.”
The force on his body he felt was gone, and as it left he saw her hands twitch. The kind of twitch that meant she ached to throw something, to destroy something, and yet, she did nothing.
“Is, uh, something wrong? Did I do something?”
He couldn’t remember doing anything that would have upset Tornado. Well, actually upset her opposed to annoy her. He had broken out last month but it didn’t really bother her anymore. It became agreed upon that when he left and finished saving the world, he was allowed his time with Genos so long as he returned before anyone could start to think he had up and left completely. It wasn’t a lot of time, but it was uninterrupted time. Tatsumaki used this time as free time, which was spent hunting down any leftover monsters with a ferocity that had accumulated over the time she spent unable to exercise her powers. It worked for both parties. He wondered if the association was somehow punishing Tatsumaki for this.
“You-we…we have been invited somewhere. You’ll be allowed to go.”
Her words were quiet. They were not words of congratulations.
“…Where are we going?”
He didn’t know if he wanted to know. He didn’t understand what he was afraid of.
“Bang-his funeral. Bang died.”
She started to cry, and didn’t stop. Saitama thought about the silence, and asked the universe to return it.
~
“The moon is waning.”
Saitama stopped walking to look over at Genos. His disciple was looking beyond the buildings of the city, at the moon that had only just appeared to the eye.
“Which one does that mean again? Getting smaller or bigger?”
Genos didn’t take his eyes off the moon when he answered.
“To say smaller or bigger isn’t truly accurate, but if I had to choose one over the other I would choose smaller. It is moving from a full moon to a new moon, making it less visible. But the moon of course is still there, and its still the same size.”
Saitama moved closer to Genos, looking at the moon as well. It was a crescent of white being overtaken by shadow.
“It’s kinda like it’s taking a break. It holds back all the dark so often, I think sometimes it just needs to let go. But it’s ok because soon it’ll be back brighter than ever.”
Saitama turned to see Genos looking at him with an unreadable expression, but intense eyes. Those eyes were far brighter than the moon.
“The moon is very kind and strong.”
Genos was looking at Saitama as he said it, but the older man turned back to the moon.
“Well its not like the moon is alone. Look how bright the stars are.”
~
Saitama was given a suit. He woke up with it hanging by the door, and he wondered if Tatsumaki had brought it or someone else. He showered and put it on, not thinking about how it looked or how it fit. It was just clothing. It was just another day.
When Tatsumaki did come, she was silent. She wore a dress similar to her usual black one, and she didn’t float. Saitama followed her down a hall he had only seen once before, the sound of both their shoes echoing along the walls. The walk down the hallways felt like it lasted years, but the elevator ride felt like an eternity. Trapped in a silent state of mourning, the two could not take comfort in each other. They were too unprepared, too emotionally fragile. The two most powerful heroes in the entire world at their weakest.
The air that hit them was cold and sharp. The beginning of a harsh winter. As they walked to a car meant for them the ground below crackled as the frost was stepped upon. Five steps of freedom. A car ride that was too short. A cemetery where the trees were bare.
Saitama saw Genos first, but did not rush to his side. This was a time of caution and fear. This was a battle no one could actually fight. They were already defeated.
“Genos.”
Saitama watched the emotions cross the cyborg’s face as his head snapped up. Surprise, joy, relief, pain, grief, guilt. Saitama did not allow those feelings to progress, wrapping his arms around the taller, squeezing only a little. He felt places of his partner that were missing, felt arms that were strangely thin, a leg that wobbled.
“You’re hurt.”
Genos didn’t respond. It wasn’t a question to begin with. Saitama saw Tatsumaki walk over to Bomb, who was standing very close to a closed coffin. He was the last of his family now. He was alone.
“I was there, and I couldn’t save him.”
A whisper in his ear, a voice tinted in agony. Genos was crying so softly.
“Don’t blame yourself. Don’t even start thinking it.”
Saitama didn’t know why he was whispering back. The quiet that surrounded the area was far, far worse than the absolute silence that had previously devoured him. Here there were murmurs of sorrow, tears of loss. Wind blew cold into bones.
The ceremony was short. Heroes gave their respects, mourned separately. Bomb spoke briefly. The coffin was lowered. Fubuki held her sister, protecting her from the world. Saitama could not protect Genos though. Genos had seen the death. Genos had lost another person he cared about. Saitama wondered when it would be enough that the universe was satisfied with Genos’ torment. Saitama did not cry. He didn’t know if it was because he was in shock or if he was just too numb to feel anything anymore. He held Genos to ground himself, to remind himself that he was not alone in this moment.
The two spoke with Bomb, and Genos asked for forgiveness.
“I killed your brother, I let him die-
“No, you didn’t. Bang talked about you like you were family. If he died protecting you, then he had no regrets, and I cannot have any either. You are a good hero. You will remember my brother.”
Genos lowered his head, black tears rolling down his face. Bomb turned to Saitama.
“He said the first time he met you, you saved his life and many others. Whenever I heard your name from him, it was always spoken with respect. He once said that he wasn’t worried about leaving this world so long as you would stay to protect it. We had been talking of retirement, but I knew he would never retire. Neither of us would. You gave him hope, and I thank you for that.”
Saitama did not want this. He shouldn’t be receiving thanks from someone who had lost their family. He shouldn’t be hearing Bang’s words from someone else. And he didn’t know how to respond to any of it.
“He-Bang was, he was a great hero.”
It was pathetic. It sounded half-assed. It wasn’t enough. But still Bomb nodded, and Genos and Saitama walked away. Hands held together in an attempt to keep each other steady.
“Genos, you need to see the doctor. You’re hurting.”
“I don’t want you to go.”
Saitama swallowed thickly, feeling the sting in his eyes. He would not cry. Genos needed him. Carefully, he pulled Genos along until they were standing in front of Fubuki and Tatsumaki. The younger sister looked at the two, her eyes those of an injured animal, ready to attack rather than suffer more pain. She held her older sister the same way Saitama held Genos. They were the broken protectors, Fubuki and Saitama. They kept the ones in their arms from cracking further.
“Tatsumaki, I’m going to take Genos to his doctor. Is that ok?”
He was going to do it anyways, but asking permission was respectful. Tatsumaki was very vulnerable right now, like they all were, and he would not push her.
“I don’t care.”
Her voice was muffled, and he couldn’t see her eyes. He could tell that she was telling the truth though. She really did not care. She was not Tornado the hero right now. She was a woman who had just lost a friend.
Turning away from the two women, Saitama continued to walk with Genos’ hand in his. Black cars were parked all along the road, and Saitama didn’t care whose car he was getting into. He gave the driver the doctor’s address, and the driver did not argue. Genos did not speak. It was the first time Genos’ hand felt cold to Saitama’s.
~
Kuseno must have known Genos was in bad shape. He had practically waiting by the door. He was not expecting Saitama, but his priorities revolved around Genos.
“Why didn’t you come sooner? You’re core is damaged! Who repaired your leg? Where did you even get those arms? I didn’t make those arms.”
The man shuffled around Genos, who was out of his formal wear for the repairs. The doctor occasionally looked to Saitama for answers, but he had none to give.
“Alright, I’m putting you in sleep mode for the core repair.”
“No.”
Both men turned sharply to look at Genos. Saitama had been to the lab more frequently when he lived with Genos, and what he had gathered from watching and listening was enough to know that most repairs hurt. But when it came to the core, the pain reached dangerous levels.
“Genos-
“I want to feel it.”
“Why? Do you think you deserve pain? Genos it was not your fault!”
“You weren’t there Saitama-sensei. You don’t know it wasn’t my fault.”
Fuck if that didn’t hurt Saitama. He knew he hadn’t been there. He knew that if he had been there things would probably be a lot better. And fuck if he didn’t know he should have been there to protect his friend.
“I’m sorry. I should have been-
“It doesn’t matter. Because I was there, and I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t just fail you this time, and I didn’t just fail myself. I failed Bang, and he died because of it.”
“I know you feel responsible, I understand but-
“How? How do you understand the feeling of being responsible for someone’s death? When have you ever failed? When have you watched people you care about die? You cannot understand!”
“Yes I can because I watched you almost die! I watched your eyes close and your body go limp and your limbs get torn off and your fucking heart get damaged! I thought I had lost you so many times Genos, and every single time the first thing I always thought was ‘this is my fault’ because when you love someone you always want to protect them, and when you cant you always feel responsible. I have failed you so many times, and I am so sorry Genos, but don’t say I don’t understand because I do.”
No one spoke. Kuseno looked at nothing, his eyes so very sad. Saitama looked at the floor, his hands clenched in fists. Genos could only look at Saitama, opening and closing his mouth until he gave up, and turned to the doctor. He spoke softly this time, the bite gone from his voice, and the pain horribly noticeable.
“I will go into sleep mode.”
~
“It’s so dark tonight!”
“Yes, it appears the clouds are covering the stars and the moon. I detect a 34% chance of rain.”
The two looked up briefly, searching. But the clouds were dense, and neither the moon nor the stars could penetrate through.
“The sky looks empty.”
Saitama said it with a slightly mournful tone, and Genos looked at his teacher, then back to the sky. He did not say so aloud, but he disagreed. The night sky did not look empty to him, rather it looked incredibly full of an inky blackness that was seeping into the air.
It felt oppressing, thick, and horribly, terribly, frightening.
~
Saitama left the lab. He couldn’t hold Genos’ hand during the repairs, he would only get in the way. Watching his chest plates and limbs be taken off and apart made him feel like he was violating the younger man’s privacy. It was cold outside, but the sting at the back of his throat when he inhaled deeply felt good. It kept him aware of where he was, aware of his body, aware that he was not dreaming.
You weren’t there
Genos’ voice, hurt and angry rang in his head like an alarm he couldn’t turn off. Accusing and truthful because he hadn’t been there. He hadn’t even been aware of the event until after. Day after day he waited like a starved animal for its meal, practically begging the universe to deliver a threat that would call him. He had wished so selfishly, and his wish had been granted, as if the universe wanted to spite Saitama even further than it already had. Saitama thought of Gods and Deities and wondered if they did exist, could he hurt them for what they had allowed?
And Genos blamed himself. Of course he did. Of course he would take the blame, ask for punishment, carry that burden. Genos, who always wanted to be stronger, who always grew frustrated with his limitations, who hated his own weakness, and who had so often attempted to choose death over defeat. How many people had Genos watched die while he lived and cursed not the killer but himself?
If Genos did find the cyborg he searched for, if he did kill it, would all that hate that drove him to revenge suddenly turn on him, leaving Genos with nothing to hate but himself?
Or…would that hate turn to Saitama? The hero that should have been there, but wasn’t.
Saitama didn’t know if he could handle hate from Genos. Anyone else he would accept, even his friends could hate him and though it would hurt he could still take that hate, but from Genos? Genos was the only person that kept Saitama from completely hating himself. Because in the end, no one loved Saitama except Genos, and that love was the only thing he had left.
He sat on the frozen ground, back to the steel doors. The plants that would have hidden him in greenery were withered and dead, and the land was left brown and gray. No monster could kill him, no creature he had even fought could harm him, but if he stayed by the dead leaves and broken branches, would the cold manage to freeze his blood? Would starvation end his life? Would his body decompose like a normal human’s, joining the plant in the earth? Or would his corpse last for centuries, unchanging and horribly durable?
He had never wanted death, it was just that he didn’t care about…living. At least before Genos came. But right now, Saitama had no true desire to exist.
“You’ve been outside for quite a while, aren’t you cold?
Kuseno walked over to Saitama, who had his arms around his body and his eyes focused on nothing.
“I’m fine. How’s Genos?”
“Both you and Genos are not fine, and you wont be for a while.”
Saitama turned sharply to look at the old man, fear prickling his heart.
“Genos-!
“-Is physically repaired. But pain can go much further than injuries of the body.”
Saitama slowly looked back to the space beyond his vision, face going back to blankness. He knew all about that type of pain. He didn’t need anyone else to tell him.
“He needs you to help him through this. I’ve seen Genos fall under the burden of death when he was only a child, when I was the only one there for him, but I have never been enough. But you are everything to Genos, and you can save him where I cannot.”
The doctor looked at Saitama, pleading with his eyes as Saitama sat unmoving, his arms tight around his body.
“How can I help Genos when I cant even protect him? When I’ve failed him like this? When I cant-cant even be with him?”
His hands shook and his throat constricted. He blamed the cold.
“I don’t know. I don’t fully understand why you won’t just stay with Genos, but I can’t make you, and neither can Genos. I’m only saying that you should stay with him, because you need him just as much as he needs you.”
Saitama continued to sit, staring at nothing, and the silence between the two grew longer and heavier until the doctor stepped away, walking back into the lab, but leaving the doors wide open. Even then the silence lingered and weighed Saitama down, telling him to rest upon the frozen earth until his skin turned to ice and his bones cracked and shattered.
But he was strong, and he knew his bones would not break, and so he raised himself from the cold ground, which hungered for his defeat. He walked the long hallways he had grown to know and turned into a room where the holder of his heart sat and waited.
Neither spoke, but as Saitama moved cautiously forward, Genos’ arms reached and pulled, and his head rested in the safety of Saitama’s chest. Metallic fingers clung to cotton, and frost bitten organic hands drew lines and circles on a metal back.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Genos. I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m sorry-
His voice which wobbled now broke, and he stopped to try and swallow. The hands on his shirt tightened and shook, and he knew without looking that Genos was crying.
“Saitama-sensei, it is not your fault. Please don’t apologize.”
“I’m sorry for that but I’m also sorry, because I, I am-I’m-
Inhale, exhale, he steadied himself, and failed. Tears broke past their barrier, and Saitama gave in.
“I’m so grateful it wasn’t-that-it wasn’t you.”
Bitter tears fell into blond hair and hands shook while the body tensed. His shoulders were hunched and his head was down and the man thought selfish selfish I am selfish so selfish and the boy in his arms sobbed with a sorrow laid in pain and covered in anger.
Saitama broke gently, broke slowly, cried silently, crumbled softly. Genos broke heavily, broke intensely, sobbed loudly, shattered dangerously.
~
They held each other as days crawled by. No one came to claim Saitama, but no one knew where he was. Was his absence being excused because of the loss so many had endured? He did not dwell on this though, not when Genos lay curled and tangled in Saitama’s limbs with oil still falling from his eyes. They slept only when exhaustion was too much, and even then the nightmares still woke them both, neither knowing who had jolted from bed with a cry on their lips. They took turns sharing that hell. They spoke about people that had died, and people that were still living. Strength and weakness, pain and happiness, guilt and forgiveness. Last words. New words. Old words. Forgotten words. Words of love. Confessions of every feeling they could find, until the two had poured and poured and poured everything from their hearts, and at last, began to heal.
The pain of loss cut holes in their chests, but words or honest love sealed the wounds, and though the scars would last forever, the tender touch of care and kindness decreased the sting.
~
“Will you still love me if I leave?”
“Would you stay if I said no?”
“You would never say no, because you’ll love me no matter what.”
“That doesn’t make it hurt any less. I need you.”
“And you think I don’t need you? Every time I go back I feel like I’m dying. No, actually I just feel nothing. I wish I felt like I was dying because then I wouldn’t feel so empty.”
The darkness was pushing down through the sky. The moon was waning, almost invisible. The stars seemed less, as if half had died and ceased to shine.
“Don’t leave me for long. I can’t protect this world on my own.”
“I’ll be back, I will always come back. But you have to promise you’ll be there.”
“I promised I would never let you be alone ever again. And if I can’t be by your side, I will wait for you, Saitama-sensei.”
Even as the moon dimed, the stars still shined. They were burning, bursting, still dying, but still shining.
“I never deserved your love. I never deserved your devotion and you kindness, but you should know it’s the only thing that keeps me from loosing it to all the shit this world keeps throwing at us.”
“But you do love me back, just as much. And you still love this world, and you still choose to protect it despite everything.”
“I know right? Something must be seriously wrong with me.”
The stars flickered, shimmering, growing just a little brighter. The moon hadn’t disappeared yet.
“You’re the perfect hero, and no one wants to believe perfection is real.”
“God, will you stop? It’s almost like you have a crush on me or something.”
The sky was black, but light still shown through.
“I will always love you, Saitama-sensei. And I will always wait for you.”
Darkness pressed harder, and stars still died, but new stars were born, and the light did not go out.
“I love you too, and I’ll come back to you.”
The moon waned, and darkness pressed. The stars burned and burned and burst. The sky grew black, the darkness stretched.
But always the moon returned. And always the stars still shined.
Darkness stretched. Light pushed it back.