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"We've been One Direction, thank you so much for having us, Las Vegas! Goodnight!"
The deafening screams from the crowd faded away as Zayn exited the stage, flashing his brightest smile and waving. He focused on the back of Niall's head as all five boys traipsed down the short flight of stairs and rushed along a hallway back to the green room of the venue. They were swarmed by familiar faces offering congratulations and claps on the back. Zayn collapsed onto the nearest couch avoiding everyone's gazes, especially one person's in particular. He rubbed his still sore right hand, wrapped in it's itchy bandage prison.
The commotion from the large amount of people all in one room was hard to drown out but Zayn swung his legs up onto the sofa, reclining against the cushions and shielded his face with his left arm.
He felt his legs being lifted by someone and then a warm body was sinking onto the couch placing his legs on top of their lap. A hand squeezed his knee and he chanced a peek around his arm. He blew out a sigh of relief to see Harry's concerned face looking down at him.
"Hey." he mumbled, hiding his face again.
"How's your hand?" Harry asked. Zayn lifted his right hand and wiggled his fingers.
"It's still attached." Zayn replied. His eyes were closed against his arm so he couldn't see the look on Harry's face.
"Paul said we're gonna be headed to the hotel soon, okay?" Zayn nodded in response.
Harry sat with him for another few minutes, rubbing circles with his thumb over Zayn's knee. The room was noisy, Louis, Niall and Liam talking a mile a minute unable to calm down from their performance, Harry joining in excitedly every so often. There was a loud crash, Niall's hysterical laughter, loud voices yelling at Louis who was yelling above them all. Harry stood up, shifting Zayn's legs, joining in on the laughing and yelling.
Zayn didn't really care what had happened; it was probably just the other boys being idiots like usual, wound up from doing a show.
"Lads! Oi, you lot, listen!" Came Paul's familiar shout, almost instantly quieting the room. "Right, then all five of you, come with me!" Zayn got up reluctantly and followed the rest from the room. They piled into a car, Zayn made a point of sitting in the front with Harry, not speaking to anyone.
They were at the hotel before he knew it and he was finally closing the door behind him. Finally peace and quiet.
He was sharing with Harry but the other boy had decided to join the other three most likely in Louis' room.
Zayn flopped onto the bed closest to the giant picture window. He tried to relax but the ringing in his ears and pounding in his head from all the screaming and the loud music made that impossible. Reluctantly, he got up and unzipped his bag that had already been brought to the room. He couldn't find his favorite pair of grey trackies although that could be because they weren't actually his but Liam's. Or Niall's possibly.
He decided on a pair of black ones that weren't his either although he couldn't remember who their original owner was. He also pulled off his shirt, and washed his face with only his left hand which was infuriatingly awkward. He wanted to rip off the stupid bandage but knew someone would just force him to have it put back on.
He scowled at himself in the mirror, wet quiff flopping over his forehead and his eyes looked so tired. Zayn got into the bed, pulling the duvet over his head and willing the pain in his head and in his hand to go away.
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He awoke to loud laughter and Harry's deep voice. The lights in the room came on and Zayn groaned, burrowing deeper into the duvet.
"Oh sorry, Zee." He heard Harry say. "Hey, are you feeling okay? It's only 9 and you're already asleep." Zayn didn't answer, wishing Harry would leave him alone.
"Is Zayn asleep already?" Came Louis' voice much farther away, like he was standing in the hallway and the door was open.
"Aw c'mon Zaynie!" That was Niall. "We've got the day off tomorrow, so we're going out tonight!"
"Leave him alone, guys." Liam's voice. Zayn unconsciously frowned just hearing Liam's voice. All the feelings from earlier in the day: jealousy, annoyance and confusion, all came rushing back to him.
Liam. Liam and Danielle.
The sharp impact his fist had made as the mirror shattered. Overcome with rage, ignoring the pain in his right hand as he kept punching. Liam rushing over to where he was, yelling at him to stop. Kneeling beside him, wrapping arms around him. His hurt expression when Zayn had pushed him away, clutching his bleeding fist. And Liam had ran from the room to get help.
Later, there had been hands gripping his shoulders, forcing him to stand. A soothing female voice, c'mon, darling. Being led with a gentle hand on his back, then sitting on a counter while Caroline cleaned his cuts. Holding back tears as she carefully removed a tiny shard of glass from his last knuckle. The sting and sharp smell of antiseptic. All the while asking why he had done that, gently questioning. Feeling guilty about not answering Caroline; he loved Caroline. She had wrapped his hand tightly in a bandage, still murmuring to him, rubbing his back.
Now, several hours later, he felt the tingle in his nose as his eyes watered in frustration. The whole Danielle situation had been a huge slap in the face when they started dating. Zayn had thought that Liam maybe had discovered that Zayn had feelings for him that went beyond friendship but then he had to go and start seeing her.
In the hours leading up to the show, Liam had been so fucking cheerful, constantly texting her, grinning at his phone. And Zayn had let all the anger and jealousy build up inside him until it finally boiled over. When it was just the two of them, hanging out in the rehearsal space and he had strode over punched one of the giant mirrors lining the walls. Just seeing Liam's stupid smile instantly turn into panic, because of Zayn, because Liam was worried about him. It had almost been satisfying enough.
So when Liam had asked him why he did what he did, he refused to answer him. And whenever Liam had tried to get his attention before the show, Zayn still ignored him. It hadn't been easy, he didn't like to see Liam sad, seeing his wounded signature puppy dog eyes. But he was a little less excited about Danielle being there because Zayn ignoring him had brought down Liam's whole mood. So that was something, a small victory.
He acted like Liam wasn't even there on stage with them; like it was just him, Harry, Louis and Niall. During More Than This when he was forced to sit thigh to thigh with Liam on the couch, he pretended the other boy wasn't even there. He pretended Liam wasn't singing his lines to Zayn-- can love you more than thiiiis...
He pretended not to notice the other three trying to diffuse the tension, because it must have been strange for them. Because Zayn and Liam don't fight. Best mates with a bond as close as theirs was didn't have big blowouts like this. Or at least in the 2 years that they've known each other, there's only been the occasional bickering. Mostly about Zayn's fondness for opening windows in the car and stealing Liam's clothes. Or the time when Louis and Zayn decided to put lemons in Niall's brand new white shoes and Liam got them in trouble for it.
But they've never fought like this. Zayn knew Liam didn't understand why Zayn was mad and if he told him why, he'd have to admit his feelings for Liam. And he'd much rather continue giving Liam the silent treatment than admit to that, thank you very much.
"Suit yourself, mate. Harry's still coming out with us, aren't you?" asked Louis.
"Yep, just give me a minute." replied Harry and the bathroom door closed with a click.
"Where are you going, Liam?" Niall asked.
"I'm feeling kind of tired. I'll see you guys later." answered Liam and Zayn guessed he was walking away from the others.
Zayn listened to Niall and Louis talking about whether they'd be allowed to actually do anything fun in Vegas or not. Harry emerged from the bathroom and said goodbye to Zayn before closing the hotel room door. Zayn rolled over in his duvet cocoon so he was facing the door in the dark room. Harry had left the bathroom door open and the light on. He was considering getting up to shut the light off or not when he heard the tone signaling that he had received a text message.
Zayn reached for his phone where it was charging on the bed-side table. Squinting at the blindingly bright screen, he was able to make out Liam's name.
Text message from Liam to Zayn -- 9:17 PM: hey i know ur still pissed at me but i was wondering if i we could talk may b?
Zayn dragged his hand over his face, unsure of what to respond to Liam. He could just ignore him. He was still so angry about Danielle.
But it's Liam, he reminded himself. Liam is his best friend and well, he was acting childish. Zayn realized that the hour or so of sleep was just what he needed to realize that Liam had suffered enough already. Liam hadn't even intentionally done anything to hurt him and he deserved an explanation.
Zayn opened the message and began typing a response which he ended up deleting it and starting over twice. When he finally had something that seemed casual and not too hostile, he hit send.
Text message from Zayn to Liam -- 9:20 PM: sure you can come to my room if you want to talk
Less than a minute later, there was a tentative knock on his door.
"You can come in." Zayn's voice was muffled by the duvet.
The door opened slowly, Zayn pulled the duvet down just enough to reveal the top half of his face. He saw Liam's silhouette in the bright doorway as the other boy slowly stepped into the room.
"Zayn? Is it okay if I turn the light on?" Zayn made a noise of agreement. The light came on and Liam walked over to sit on Harry's empty, still-made bed. Zayn did nothing but stare at Liam sitting there, from over the top of his blanket.
"Hey." said Liam, finally.
"Hi Liam." Zayn said quietly.
"So... uh... about what happened earlier... I'm sorry? I mean-I think- if I did something to piss you off? I'm not sure what I did to make you angry but..." He trailed off, unable to meet Zayn's eyes. Zayn didn't know what to respond so he lowered the duvet more and smoothed his hand over his hair and rubbed his eyes.
Neither of them said anything else. Liam kicked his shoes off and drew his feet up so they were on the edge of the bed and rested his chin on his knees.
"How's your hand?" Liam asked to break the awkward silence.
"It's better." Zayn replied.
"That's good. You kinda freaked me out, y'know, when you were-you just wouldn't stop hitting that mirror... I didn't know what to do. It looked painful." Liam chewed on his lip, brown eyes wide with concern.
"Yeah... I mean-" Zayn began, pausing to scrub his hand over his face again. He wanted to stall for as long as he could. He knew that if he admitted his feelings, Liam would likely be flustered and not know how to tell Zayn that he didn't think of Zayn in that way. This was going to change their friendship forever. He was going to be responsible for fucking things up so it was better to just get it over with. Right?
Zayn sat up all the way, pushing the duvet, warm from his body heat away from him. He sat in a similar position to Liam on the edge of the bed, wrapping his arms around his knees, resting the side of his cheek on them, looking away from Liam's gaze. The words were heavy on his tongue; he opened his mouth to say something, anything to break the tension but nothing came out.
"Do you wanna talk it?" Liam asked quietly. "Coz if you don't I can leave if you want me to leave-"
"No, no, 's fine. Stay." Zayn was able to reply, turning to face Liam.
He was really going to be having this conversation with Liam. His heart was pounding out of his chest.
What the fuck was he going to say?
"Well, y'know how... um Danielle?" He swallowed and stopped himself.
"What about her?"
Zayn could tell this was not at all what Liam was expecting him to say by how his face was contorted with confusion.
"Um... well you were so happy that she was in the crowd and um I guess I just-I was just... jealous." Zayn immediately hid his face, ears burning.
"Jealous." Liam said quietly. It wasn't a question, just a statement. "Zayn why- why were you jealous of Danielle being here tonight?"
"Because I-" Zayn wasn't doing this; he was going to throw up. "I-I'm jealous of her because you're dating her. And you really like her and shit."
Liam no longer looked confused, comprehension dawning on his face. "Oh." he breathed.
"Yeah." Zayn said quietly.
"For how long? How long have you... uh-" Liam said hesitantly.
"Liked you? Since that day in McDonald's I guess. You really had no idea?" Zayn asked him, incredulous.
"No uh- maybe? Like I kinda hoped you did, too. But- I mean you're you and I'm just me. Just Liam. I figured you could never like me. Not like that anyways." Liam's words came out all in a rush and Zayn needed a moment to process what he'd just heard.
Did Liam really just say that? Holy shit.
"Wait so you-" Zayn paused, searching for the right words. "You feel the same way?" he decided on finally.
"Yeah, Zayn. I really like you." Liam said quietly.
"I really like you too."
Zayn hadn't planned for this. All he could think was how soft Liam looked with his fluffy hair and baggy sweater.
"C'mere." Zayn said patting the bed beside him, as he shifted higher up on the bed. Liam moved to the place on the bed and Zayn turned to face him and pulled him into a tight hug. He squeezed Liam, fitting his face into the crook of Liam's neck and shoulder, breathing in Liam's clean smell. Playfully, Zayn pinched Liam's sides and Liam sprang away from him with a squeak, pushing Zayn's hands away from his hips.
"Zayn, don't!" Liam laughed as Zayn grabbed for Liam's sides again, tickling him. Liam curled into himself, trying to make himself less of a target for Zayn's hands. Zayn tried to tickle under Liam's arms but the other boy's arms were pinned tightly to his sides as he twisted away from Zayn.
"Stop!" Liam managed to gasp between laughs, trying to grab Zayn's wrists to stop his hands from tickling him. "Zayn! Stop!" Zayn granted him mercy and stopped tickling. Liam was still laughing, trying to breathe.
Once Liam could breathe normally, Zayn reached out and took Liam's warm hands in his own. Liam looked down at their linked fingers and then back up, eyes trailing over Zayn's torso. Zayn remembered that he wasn't wearing a shirt and his cheeks flamed under Liam's stare.
Liam met Zayn's eyes and then his gaze wandered to Zayn's lips. Liam reached out his hand and ever so gently touched Zayn's bottom lip with hesitant fingers. He dropped his hand and scooted closer on his knees to Zayn until he was almost in his lap. Zayn stroked a hand over Liam's jaw, his flushed skin baby soft.
"Sorry. I uh- I really want to kiss you." Liam admitted, leaning in closer to Zayn's face so their noses were touching.
"Come on then," Zayn smirked, touching their foreheads together. "Come on." He tilted his head and closed the last bit of distance and pressed his lips to Liam's. Liam's lips were incredibly soft but unmoving under his, so Zayn held him there for a beat longer, cupping Liam's chin. He couldn't believe he was doing this, he was kissing Liam. Liam gasped and started to pull away from Zayn. Zayn fully pulled away, eyes immediately searching Liam's face.
"Shit, I'm sorry-I thought you- is this okay?" Zayn stumbled over his words but Liam nodded in response. Zayn leaned down to kiss the other boy once again, but Liam turned his face away.
"I'm sorry." Liam whispered, cheeks pink.
"What are you sorry for, babe? If anyone is sorry it's me, I'm sorry for rushing things like this. We can stop, it's okay, Li." Zayn was completely lost. Liam had just agreed that he wanted this too. He really was fucking everything up.
"I've just- I'm rubbish at this, I've never kissed anyone before." Liam said, clearly embarrassed.
"Not even Danielle? No one before that? You never?" Zayn asked, shocked that no one had ever kissed Liam before. Liam shook his head.
"No, and I don't want to talk about her right now." Liam mumbled.
"It's ok, babe, it's alright. You were brilliant though, I had no idea." Liam grinned sheepishly.
"Do you want to try again?" asked Zayn. Liam nodded, eagerly.
This time Zayn really did climb into Liam's lap, although he was trying his best to be gentle, so as not to freak Liam out. He cupped Liam's chin again and tilted his face up. He waited for Liam to return his smile before leaning in and sealing their lips together again. Zayn took Liam's plush bottom lip between his own causing Liam to groan and breath in sharply through his nose. Zayn felt Liam's smile against his lips, as Zayn led the kiss, moving his lips against Liam's. Zayn leaned in until their chests were pressed together and he hooked his arms over Liam's shoulders, linking his fingers behind Liam's neck, or as well as he could with his injured hand.
Zayn licked the inside of Liam's top lip and Liam opened his mouth wider, gasping in surprise. Zayn took the opportunity and slowly pressed his tongue further into Liam's mouth. Liam tasted sweet like he had been drinking soda and eating chocolate. He felt Liam's tongue make contact with his own but Liam just held it there against Zayn's tongue as if he was frozen. Zayn remembered how inexperienced Liam was and realized he could probably use some encouragement. He moved his right hand from behind Liam's head and rubbed over Liam's jaw soothingly. He broke the kiss to say, "You're fine, you're doing great, Li. Just trust me okay?" Liam nodded and licked his reddened lips.
Zayn kissed him again, opening both their mouths wider, his tongue in Liam's mouth and Liam actually dared to dart out his own tongue to meet Zayn's. Still guiding them, Zayn went slowly, trying to encourage Liam to deepen the kiss on his own. Eventually Liam seemed to gain a bit more confidence and his tongue swept sloppily in Zayn's mouth. Zayn laughed into Liam's mouth at the other boy's enthusiasm. Liam's hands were pawing almost hungrily over Zayn's face and hair now. The kiss turned desperate as they explored each other's mouths. Liam moved his hands over Zayn's bare shoulders, down his back and pressed into the small of his back, holding Zayn impossibly closer.
Zayn took a chance and very gently pushed Liam onto his back and settled on top of him, straddling Liam. Liam laughed and held Zayn's hips, fingers digging into his flesh. Zayn pulled away to catch his breath and he grinned down at Liam who was beaming up at him almost dazed.
"You're a really good kisser." Zayn whispered, enjoying the response those words elicited from Liam's spit-slick parted lips and reddening cheeks.
"Thanks, you're a really good teacher." giggled Liam.
They kissed for another couple minutes, until Liam was moaning into Zayn's mouth as Zayn pulled away. He pecked feather light kisses down Liam's neck and the sensitive place by Liam's ears. Liam was panting, trying to catch his breath, hands roaming over Zayn's back. Zayn stopped his assault and met Liam's gaze, tenderly kissing Liam's swollen lips just once. He pushed Liam's floppy fringe off his slightly sweaty forehead.
"Is this still ok?" Zayn asked him. Liam nodded and grinned.
"Alright, just let me know if we're going too fast and you want to stop, okay?" he made Liam promise, before kissing those plump pink lips again. Several minutes passed again, and soon Liam was kissing with a desperate sort of confidence.
This time Liam pulled back, gasping for air, "Sorry, I really like kissing you, I just need to breathe!" said Liam apologetically.
Zayn giggled and replied, "I really like kissing you too, you donut."
Liam wrapped his arms around Zayn's waist, settling against his side. Zayn cuddled Liam to his chest and kissed his hair. He wanted to ask Liam what this meant for him and Danielle but he had a feeling that Liam probably didn't want to have that conversation just now. Zayn decided to just enjoy this time alone together for once and worry about that another time.
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Liam ended up staying in Zayn's (and Harry's) hotel room until Harry returned at almost 2 in the morning. The two of them were cuddled together under Zayn's duvet, watching Friends reruns on the TV. Zayn heard voices outside their door, Louis shrieking and feet thundering down the hallway. Someone inserted the room key and the door clicked and opened. Harry walked in and then stopped when he saw Zayn and Liam.
"Hey guys," Harry said, a smirk on his face. Neither Zayn nor Liam made any move to break apart. Liam hid his face in Zayn's shoulder and Zayn tightened his grip around Liam's shoulders.
"Oh sorry. Do you want to me share with Niall instead?" Harry asked.
"No, I-I'm not-" Liam started.
"He's not staying the night." Zayn finished for him.
"I mean it's alright if you want to," Harry backtracked. "I don't mind, if you two want to be alone together."
"What?! No! We're not- I mean we-" Liam flushed in embarrassment.
Harry raised his brows, "Sorry, I just meant, you two look awfully cozy, I didn't mean to assume anything." he reassured Liam.
"It's cool, mate." Zayn answered. Harry flopped onto his bed and Zayn was forced to mute the TV as Harry told them about their night out in his slow story-telling voice.
Harry was interrupted by a knock on the door and Louis calling through the door, "Harry! Zayn! Have you seen Liam? We think he's missing, he's not in his room! Is he in there with you guys?"
This time, Liam and Zayn moved apart and Zayn hastily pulled on a shirt that was on the floor. Zayn didn't think that he or Liam could handle the knowledge that all 3 of their bandmates had seen them cuddling in bed. And if anyone else found out, it would sort of be a disaster.
Harry got up and answered the door. Zayn hoped that Harry would cover for them and tell Louis he hadn't seen Liam and to be quiet because Zayn was still asleep, but they had no such luck. The door opened all the way and Louis and Niall entered, spotting Liam immediately.
"Liam! There you are!" Louis' face lit up at the sight of him. "You missed everything..." and he launched into telling Liam and Zayn about their adventure. Thankfully he didn't seem fazed by Liam being in Zayn's bed with slightly ruffled hair, pinker than usual lips and flushed cheeks.
"You left your phone in our room by the way," Louis told Liam. "We were just in there looking for you and it was ringing. And I thought you said you were tired?" Liam went impossibly redder and stuttered, "I-I was and Zayn texted me and asked I wanted to hang out." He didn't sound very sure of his story but Louis bought it.
"I should probably head back to our room though." said Liam, with a sideways look at Zayn and if he pouted slightly, then Zayn must have imagined it.
Liam reluctantly said goodnight to Zayn and left the room with Niall and Louis. Zayn slid under his duvet once again and was pleased to discover that his bed now smelled like Liam's apple and citrus scent.
"So..." Harry was sitting cross-legged facing Zayn's bed, clearly trying to keep from laughing.
"Piss off." Zayn said, rolling over to face the wall.
"Aw, c'mon Zayn!" Harry pleaded. "That's not fair! What is going on with you two, c'mon you can tell me! I promise I won't tell anyone! I've seen the way you two look at each other. I know you were jealous of Danielle tonight, that's why you were acting like a twat!"
"Shut up, Harry." Zayn couldn't summon the energy to actually be angry with Harry. He needed to sleep and did not want to have this conversation.
"Will you talk to me about it tomorrow?" Harry asked. Zayn made a non-committal noise in his throat and curled into a ball under the covers.
What have you and Liam gotten yourselves into? He wondered to himself as he drifted off to sleep.
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