The Truth

by taerra_nova

Summary:

Many people wondered what happened to Taehyung in 2020, why he was always so depressed and had no motivation for anything.

Here’s the truth.

Notes:

Hey Y’all, thanks for deciding this work, also known as my first finished work (finally)!

Just a few notes before we start:

- even though the story is called ‘The Truth’, it is all fictional, or well, my imagination of what could have happened.
- in this fic there will be heavy discussions about depression and suicide, but don’t worry, nobody’s going to die! It’s just a very dark fic.
- in this fic ARMYs are being mentioned a lot and not in a good light. If you can’t handle being frowned upon, then leave.
- there is some smut as it stood in the tags, but that’s not the focus on this fic, the smut here is only a mediocre play in the general plot

I hope you enjoy! 💕

 

 

 

 

Tk2002: She actually had the audacity to look at him like that while Jungkook was next to him. Stupid whore.

 

She was just saying hello.

 

Kookies_luv: The death stare Jk gave her was unreal, I was just waiting for him to pounce on her!

 

He was looking at something behind her.

 

Taekook73: They are so obvious, it makes my heart break that they can’t come out in the open because of some crazy ARMY.

 

Says the crazy one.

 

OT7_Minnie: These fake girls always try to get into their pants even though they know they’re no where near their standard!

 

I thought all of you wanted the same thing as well, you jealous-

 

“Tae”, a voice sounded behind him. Taehyung didn’t even need to check who it was; he would recognize that voice anywhere, even if they were in midst of a crowd, he would know immediately which one’s his.

 

“You’re there again”, Jimin mumbled as he looked on Taehyung’s phone. The younger teared away his gaze from the recent twitter thread he was just reading through. “Why do you bother reading them? You know you will only grow more annoyed.”

 

Taehyung didn’t have an answer for that. It was like the Pandora’s box for him: he knew it will be no good, but there was just a tiny sliver of hope that he might stumble on some fans actually having a sense of reality. It seemed though that wasn’t the case.

 

A make up stylist started to powder up his lips and chin, most of it ending up in his mouth anyways, but he already grew used to it. That was the first time he actually locked eyes with Jimin through the mirror. The older’s silver hair seemed as if it were his real hair. Taehyung always though he looked like an angel with a halo on top with it, Jimin on the other hand said he preferred black more. A poor statement both of them knew wasn’t real but had to be said just so Jimin had something to contradict Taehyung with.

 

“30 minutes guys, 30!”, the loud voice of their manager yelled through the room. Ah yes, their concert. Taehyung almost forgot it, the awards. He used to always have panic attacks before stepping onto the stage, now it was a normal routine.

 

“I like you more like this”, the angelic voice suddenly said.

 

“Like what?”

 

“The wavy black”, Jimin muttered. “It always suited you best.”

 

Taehyung looked at himself in the mirror, but he couldn’t see the appeal. His hair was already damaged so much that it looked like black paint fell on hay. His face was swollen due to lack of sleep, as were his eye bags the makeup stylist tried to cover up desperately. His lips were dehydrated, and his skin was pale.

 

“If you say so”, Taehyung said dismissively, but he meant it. Jimin always knew best. That’s the one thing he learned in the past seven years of being together with him; always when it came to looks or attraction itself, Jimin was a professional, even though he punished himself too often with it.

 

Taehyung was tired. He was working nonstop and yet it felt as if he didn’t do anything. What was it for? Money. Who was it for? Fans who would give that money. When would it stop? Taehyung had no idea, but he hoped soon.

 

“I love your solo dance”, he heard himself say when he looked into the other’s eyes again. Jimin just smiled.

 

“I know.”

 

At one point the manager yelled a ’20 minutes!’, but the stylist had no idea what she was doing and it felt as if she was just making it worse.

 

“Move”, Jimin said and snatched the makeup brush from her hands. He turned Taehyung’s chair around and started to apply the cosmetics on his face himself.

 

“Now you’re a makeup professional?”

 

“Anything for you dear”, Taehyung chuckled shortly at the statement. While Jimin had his hands full with powder and blush, Taehyung had the perfect opportunity to gaze into the older’s eyes. They were covered with color lenses, but he could still se the brown leaping out, that looked like two hazel nuts.

 

He used to pick hazel nuts from the trees when he was younger. Always after school he and his friends would walk to the park and climb the trees, cracking some hazel nuts. Now those trees were most probably chopped down.

 

“Jimin what are you doing?”, Namjoon’s voice suddenly brought him out of his thoughts.

 

“The stylist had no idea what she was doing so I took charge.”

 

“Easy Jimin”, Taehyung whispered. “She might hear you and talk about it.”

 

“Let her talk”, the older mumbled. “As if everything hasn’t been already said on social media.”

 

Hate comments were something all the members stumbled upon every day now. The worst part was their fans trying to ‘protect them’. Every time Taehyung saw something like that, he had to laugh out loud. Who did they think they were, their parents? The picture in his head disgusted him; BTS, grown adults, have to be ‘saved’ by a horde of women in their teenage years or 20s. As if a hate comment can inflict them any damage after so many years.

 

“Your skin is so pale…”, Jimin commented as he did his last touch ups.

 

“Isn’t that what they want anyways?”

 

Their silence continued. It wasn’t as if there wasn’t anything to talk about, there just wasn’t any need to. The two men already knew each other so well that they didn’t need words to express their thoughts.

 

“I don’t want to do this performance”, Taehyung confessed. Jimin only sighed.

 

“We don’t have any choice, do we?”

 

The hectics in the background continued as every member of the group prepared for the show to start. The MMA awards were one of the most important award shows in South Korea next to MAMA, although BTS already won so many awards from them it lost its significance.

 

Jimin finally put the brush down and mustered Taehyung’s face, content with his work. The younger turned to the mirror and raised his eyebrows slightly in surprise; Jimin really made him look as if he was normal as ever.

 

“Alright guys let’s go this through again”, their manager voiced at one corner of the room. All the members of the group came closer to him, standing in a half circle. “The first song will be RM’s Persona, which will be closely followed by Boy in Luv. Remember, both performances must be energetic, no slumping back! After that Boy with Luv, followed by Mikrokosmos. A fan song, you need to seem enamored as possible. Then the solo performances are coming, everyone in their roles as we discussed it a few days ago. You’ll have a short breather before Dionysus, but then you need to give all of it!”

 

Jungkook’s hand suddenly shot up in the air.

 

“Maybe we should leave out a song, Yoongi hyung’s shoulder is hurting again.”

 

“Yoongi”, the manager called out. The rapper hummed. “Circle your shoulder for me.”

 

Yoongi followed the order.

 

“It seems in good shape, no song will be left out.”

 

That was typical. Always the poor excuse ‘we’re giving our best because of ARMY’, that is literally tattooed on their brain by how many times they had to say it. At first they even meant it, at the beginning of their career, because it was true; they loved their fans back then, when they were still unpopular. But as the fame grew, so did the fandom and now as a result, they had nearly no love for their fans anymore.

 

Taehyung doesn’t perform for them, he performs for himself to keep his sanity at bay. He once loved the way the girls screamed at them at concerts, how they looked like they would do anything to just breathe the same air as they do. Now he pities them.

 

“5 Minutes guys, to the stage, now!”, one of the staff shouted and urged the group to move out of the makeup room. Taehyung walked with his gaze down, concentrating on his breathing. He could feel Jimin’s steps how they struck the ground right behind him. By then they could hear the screams of fans in the hall, how the performance before them slowly ended. Taehyung could see Namjoon adjusting his collar on his school uniform. Ah yes, the clothes for this performance. They needed to look as close to their fans as possible, and as the majority of them was still going to school they had to act young as well. Taehyung felt ridiculous. He was 24, a grown man who had to look like a child to satisfy his fans’ fantasies.

 

A sudden high-pitched sound erupted in his ears, making his face twist in pain. All loud noise around him seized as his ears felt like bleeding, the only other sound notable was his own heartbeat. Without orientation of sound, Taehyung stumbled and fell on the floor, holding his head in pain.

 

He didn’t hear when staff and members ask him what was wrong, he only got to know of their presence when Jimin gripped his arm. He opened his eyes again and was met by the older’s own panicked ones, Jimin’s mouth moving, without any sound coming out. Right when a person with a red cross on his uniform came, Taehyung could see Namjoon walking out on stage. It already started, but Taehyung couldn’t hear a thing.

 

“I’m fine”, he heard himself say, even though he was everything but fine. Jimin helped him stand up with Hoseok’s hand on his back. As he stood up, sound slowly filled his ears again and the melody of Persona made him snap out of it.

 

“Guys, on your marks in 30 seconds!”

 

“Tae are you really alright?”, one of the members asked, although he didn’t have the motivation to know which one of them.  Everything was still a bit muffled, but he could make out the most in his head. He nodded silently and began to walk to the stage they were supposed to come perform on.

 

They all moved on the designated Xs on the floor, straightening their posture as they saw Namjoon’s song coming to an end. Before anything started though Taehyung felt a smaller hand grab his. He didn’t have to switch his gaze from the audience to know who it is, he would recognize that hand anywhere. The mere touch is all Taehyung needs to know who it is. He slowly caressed Jimin’s knuckles with his thumb, a silent promise that everything was fine.

 

Or at least that’s how he had to look like. His hearing had still not fully recovered, but it was enough.

 

One more breath, and the performance started.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“To BTS! The biggest band in the world!”, their manager yelled through the restaurant as they clinked all their glasses together to the toast. The whole restaurant was booked for them and their staff so they could eat in peace. Taehyung was looking at his Soju shot in distaste; he didn’t like the alcoholic drink. Now if it were whiskey, then maybe, but Soju was just pure pain.

 

“Here”, Jimin whispered next to him and exchanged Taehyung’s shot with his glass of beer. The younger muttered a short ‘thank you’ and shortly siped on it. The staff was toasting BTS to dinner after the show, and even if it was a nice gesture, Taehyung didn’t want to be at that loud table where people were discussing about the future projects. Again.

 

“So guys, after New Years you’ll go to the States for the Grammys. The song that’s nominated isn’t ours, but you have to dominate the stage. Lil Nas X will come to Seoul in a month to practice the performance”, and back to work they were.

 

“A second time at the Grammys, I can hardly believe it”, Namjoon muttered, the others nodding affirmatively. “I do wish we would go there though for one of our own songs.”

 

“That’s our second topic”, their manager voiced, catching everyone‘s attention. “Now we have Map of the Soul 7 in stock, as you know. The promotions will start in February, but after that we planned on something else…”

 

Their manager took out a document and his phone. “The song is already written; it’s called Dynamite. It’s written by award winning songwriters and especially written for the Grammys. It’s an all English song, not only attracting the Grammys but people all around the world. This will be the peak of your career guys.”

 

He played the Demo of the song, the Disco beat filling the silence. Taehyung didn’t like it. It was so… artificial. A song specially written for an award show. It’s sad.

 

“The promotion for that will start in September, but now we will concentrate on ON and Black Swan.”

 

The chatter continued, some excited about the news, some rather nonchalant while others (Taehyung) didn’t care anymore. It felt as if his whole life is being decided by a man without him having any play in it.

 

On the other hand, he didn’t really have the right to complain. It was called ‘slave contract’ for a reason and he knew what he was getting himself into the moment the agreed to it. It was probably the biggest mistake he had ever made.

 

He nibbled his food in front of him, having no appetite. This should feel like a break, but instead the whole dinner felt like a business meeting. Of course he didn’t see the other members as coworkers anymore, but he could never see them as family, at least not all of them. They were just not that close.

 

When it was finally time to go, Taehyung’s plate was nearly untouched. They payed and went out of the building, some staff already entering the vans.

 

“You didn’t eat one bite”, a feather like note called behind him. Taehyung turned to Jimin and sighed.

 

“I wasn’t hungry.”

 

“Bullshit.”

 

“I wasn’t hungry with them.”

 

“There we go”, Jimin looked to the others getting inside the cars.

 

“Hey”, he called them, making their heads turn. “Taehyung and I want to go to a bar, we don’t really feel tired yet.”

 

Taehyung smiled for the first time that night. It wasn’t true that he wasn’t tired, but Jimin is more important than sleep.

 

“Wait, I’ll come with you”, Hoseok suddenly said and stood next to them with a bright smile on his face, while Taehyung’s vanished. He loved Hobi, he really did, but he couldn’t read a room.

 

“Fine, call a taxi when you come home. Just be careful around cameras”, their manager agreed and finally drove off. Ah, yes.

 

The cameras.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The bar was some sort of club in an alleyway, hidden from view as if only members knew of the location. It made Taehyung wonder how Jimin got to know it.

 

“What do you think about it? About Dynamite I mean”, Hoseok asked behind them, to which Taehyung groaned.

 

“Please hyung, we wanted to come here to not talk about work”, he complained, making Hoseok apologize. They kept on walking in the alley, until fairy like tone voiced next to him.

 

“I don’t like the song.”

 

Taehyung turned to Jimin. “You don’t?”

 

“It’s sad when you think about it. The western world doesn’t want our songs to be nominated because they’re not English, so we had to do a song extra just for that. I wonder what people will think about it.”

 

They didn’t say anything more about the cursed song and finally walked into the club. It was powered by neon lights and loud techno music was playing from the speakers. The music wasn’t particularly Taehyung’s cup of tea, but he’d get over it. They immediately turned to the bar, Taehyung ruffling his hair to make it cover his face better.

 

After drinking some alcoholic beverages, Taehyung felt lighter, finally. He turned to the crowd of people and went onto the dance floor with Hoseok tailing behind him. They danced along with whiskey and cocktails pumping in their veins, voices of unknown people chatting or singing along with the song sounding next to them.

 

At one point Taehyung got bumped by a couple and collided with a woman next to him.

 

“Sorry, didn’t see you there!”, Taehyung apologized through the loud music. The girl, a foreigner, smiled and shook her head.

 

“No need to apologize! Happens all the time!”, she laughed. She looked as if she was a bit younger than Taehyung, still at university for sure. She had brunette and straight hair, falling to her hips.

 

“What’s your name?”, her Korean was astonishingly good.

 

“Jeogun, yours?”

 

“I’m Sila. I’m an exchange student from Turkey!”

 

Sila is an incredibly kind woman, laughing through the jokes Taehyung threw at her. At one point after what seemed like an hour she asked him to join her at the bar. They walked out of the crowd to the bar, where Jimin was still sitting, his eyes already gazing Taehyung.

 

“Jimin, this is Sila from Turkey, she wants to do shots with us!”, Taehyung informed him, which made Jimin raise an eyebrow.

 

“Shots? With you? Please, you can’t even hold in the smallest of liquor, and I thought you were already drunk”, Jimin retorted. His face was oddly stern.

 

“Then you’ll be at my side, we’ll compete against her together.”

 

Soon the whole club switched their unwanted attention to the trio, but Taehyung didn’t care. He finally felt at least a bit free, finally having some kind of private life.

 

The first round of shots went as smoothly as a sailing boat, nobody tipping over. At Sila’s side seemed to come a man she was dancing with before Taehyung collided with her, cheering her on. Jimin’s stoic face melted into a more joyful one, which brightened up the younger’s mood as well. Seeing Jimin happy was enough to bring him out of the shadow he seemed to be now for a longer time already.

 

Only problem is Jimin isn’t really happy most of the time.

 

Around the fourth round, there was something Taehyung’s gaze only caught from the corner from his eye: a flash. He looked again clearer now and saw that it was only the light from the DJ flickering in multiple directions. Relief washed over him as he concentrated on not falling down again.

 

At the end Hoseok returned to them after Taehyung was already leaning nearly knocked out on Jimin’s shoulder. They waved a drunk bye to Sila and called for a ride back to the BigHit building.

 

“Jiminie…”, Taehyung slurred as he nuzzled at Jimin’s neck. Maybe he was drunk, but he could see the goosebumps appear on the other’s skin.

 

“2020 is going to be our year”, he continued. “We’ll be happy again, and we’ll win the Grammys, and we’ll finally do whatever we want to do.”

 

He couldn’t hear Jimin if he did say any response, but he didn’t have to. When they entered the car, Jimin caressed Taehyung’s side and left a peck on his head. Taehyung was too drunk to realize that though; if he did, he would have blushed like the salami on a pizza.

 

As they drove home, the news on the radio erupted, and while Hoseok and Jimin were talking about their schedule the next day, Taehyung caught the reporter talking about a new virus in China, reportedly coming from bats.

 

 

 

 

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

Taehyung liked the States, not because he liked the country but because he could finally escape Korea. But this time, he didn’t really feel the happiness of leaving the country, as it felt like Korea was still with him in his hotel room.

 

He sat on his bed and scrolled through twitter, black over his eyes as he saw pictures of him and Jimin drinking shots in the club two months ago. Sila’s face was identified and now all around media, everybody now already knew who the girl was that ‘poisoned’ them.

 

Bangtan_fun90: What a whore! How can she even compare next to our boys?

 

We’re not yours, nor boys.

 

Taegi96: I hope that Sila will die the next day, that’s what she least deserves after drugging poor Jimin and Taehyung!

 

She didn’t drug us, we had fun.

 

ARMY6_Jikook: Who does she think she is? She actually did shots with Taehyung? The boy can’t even drink beer without getting drunk.

 

You don’t know that!

 

“It’s not your fucking place to protect us!”, Taehyung yelled and threw his phone to the wall. Even though he heard a light crack from the phone, he wasn’t in the position to care. All he could think about was Sila and how her life must be destroyed as a student, getting her identity revealed and getting threats every day on social media. She wasn’t even from Korea.

 

Taehyung never felt so guilty. It was his fault for not eating at the restaurant, his fault for wanting to go to a bar, even though he fully knew it was a public place and someone would surely recognize him. It’s something he had to accept: he can’t have a private life. Cameras are all around, eyes, faces, everywhere.

 

There was a knock on the door. He didn’t acknowledge it getting opened until he felt a dip on his bed. A hand lay on his back. It wasn’t Jimin’s touch, that much he could recognize, it was someone else.

 

“I heard something crash on the wall”, Namjoon whispered as he softly caressed the other’s back. Taehyung didn’t respond.

 

“I hate them”, he suddenly said. It was merely a whisper, but Namjoon caught it.

 

“Who?”

 

“ARMY. They destroyed the poor woman’s life.”

 

The soft strokes on his back didn’t stop.

 

“What else?”, Taehyung looked at him confused. “I mean, sure they probably did horrible things to the woman, but you were merely acquainted to her.”

 

There was a second where Taehyung was rummaging through his entire brain with bad memories of his fans, and was ashamed when he realized how many he found.

 

“They see us like kids, boy this, boy that. Always calling us theirs, even though they have never even met us. They are so blinded by the fan service that I got to think that all of our fans are some sort of dogs that get fooled when medicine is put in their food and they eat both of it. They actually have the audacity to raise their opinion about something that’s none of their business, as if they are our parents and we are some toddlers that need their hands to be taken when crossing the road. Why can’t they just sit back, listen to our music, maybe watch some of our content, and be off with it?”

 

As the silence stretched on, Namjoon sighed and hugged Taehyung’s side.

 

“I understand how you’re feeling. I feel the same way. On the other hand, don’t forget that not every fan is like that. Sadly, they are not the majority”, Namjoon agreed and rubbed the younger’s shoulder.

 

They sit for what seems like an eternity, but they need it. They need some comfort in the little free time they have.

 

“I’m in love with Jimin”, Taehyung suddenly blurted out. If Namjoon stiffened Taehyung didn’t notice. He lifted his head to meet the older’s eyes.

 

“Don’t hate me. I see gay idols taking their lives, I understand that most people don’t accept me. You don’t have to like me anymore, just don’t hate me”, he pleaded Namjoon as the other wiped the tears from his face.

 

“I don’t hate you. To be honest, I never thought about my opinion on the LGBTQ community, I was always neutral. But you're my friend Taehyung, and a simple thing like that will never change my mind about you.”

 

They cuddled up more with more tears falling from the younger’s eyes. He was silently crying, he didn’t even sob. He can’t and will probably never come out to any more members, except Jimin of course, but he already knew.

 

“Does Jimin know you love him?”, Namjoon asked slowly.

 

“I never told him, but… he knows. And I know that he loves me back too. It’s something we both realized and had a silent agreement.”

 

“I do hope you understand”, Namjoon started. “That being in a relationship would probably be impossible.”

 

Taehyung knew. If it weren’t like that he would have been already in a relationship by now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I need a new phone”, he mumbled when they were in the cars. The Grammys already rolled out the red carpet, and they were actually running late. He looked at his phone in his hand, which was bent in the middle, not functioning anymore.

 

“What happened?”, the sweet sugar comb voice next to him asked with a slight chuckle, resembling fairy dust.

 

“I threw it on the wall”, Taehyung broke the sweet atmosphere Jimin built. They were silent for a while. Both of them knew exactly why he threw it without having to discuss about it.

 

“Give it to me”, the manager at the front of the car asked, no, ordered. “We will get it repaired.”

 

Taehyung mustered his broken phone. He had it for about a year now, since the Samsung advertisement. Nothing quite well happened in that past year.

 

“No”, he quietly contradicted and handed over the phone. “I want a new one.”

 

The roads of Los Angeles passed silently as they saw houses blur one by one.

 

“You’re beautiful today”, Jimin suddenly commented, making Taehyung’s head snap at him. It was a black turtleneck with a tuxedo and black dress pants. Taehyung didn’t think too much about it, but now Jimin mentioning it made him feel prettier than the Goddess of Beauty herself.

 

“If you say so.” Because Jimin is always correct.

 

A minute of silence.

 

“You look ethereal”, Taehyung mumbled out, not looking at the other. And yet he could feel Jimin beaming at him as if the sun shone upon him. A touch made contact with his hand. Jimin’s touch. They held each other’s hands while gazing into each other. Taehyung never felt that naked before, but he felt oddly safe, only because it’s Jimin.

 

“The other members have started filming”, their manager suddenly said, making Taehyung and Jimin retrieve their hands in a silent promise. “We will arrive soon at the venue, so now we’ll film something for Bangtan Bomb.”

 

Can’t even have a whole car ride privately.

 

A camera was whipped out from the front and set on both of them.

 

“Jimin, you better do most of the talking. Taehyung seems a bit out of it.”

 

Taehyung didn’t even realize when he said ‘action’, only when Jimin’s smooth voice came out of his beautiful mouth. Jimin did a quick explanation about where they were and where they were going, but his gaze switched too many times to Taehyung, it made it look a bit…

 

“What do you think Taehyung?”, Jimin suddenly asked next to him, the soft gaze on him comforting in a way only Jimin’s gaze could.

 

“I’m a little shy”, Taehyung answered in English. He had a whole monolog prepared in English, which made him proud honestly. He wasn’t stupid; coming to the Grammys without being able to form a whole sentence will make you look like an idiot.

 

Jimin chuckled. “You’re saying ‘A little shy’ often lately.” Yes, he had to say it quite often, it was his excuse for his current mood.

 

Instead of answering Jimin, he decided to practice his speech again. “Every musician wishes to perform at the Grammys, and-”

 

Jimin’s featherlike chuckle sounds next to him. “You’re sounding really fluent.” Even though he was interrupted, Taehyung didn’t care. He would give anything to just listen to the music of Jimin’s voice for the rest of his life.

 

“-and we’re happy to reach that dream.

 

“I’m a little shy, but I just want to say I love you ARMY.”

 

How ironic. BigHit made him say that part, as if they knew that he had a breakdown about it a few days prior. There was no emotion in the words, and thus no meaning, but that didn’t matter. As Taehyung had experienced from past encounters, his fans would take anything that remotely sounded like praise.

 

“Wait and see, you will be surprised.”

 

Of course with that he meant Dynamite. Wait and see until we get our own stage for the Grammys.

 

“We wish happiness for everyone.”

 

“Alright”, their manager cut the video and turned back forward. Taehyung was this time the first who took hold of the other’s hand and squeezed it.

 

“The blonde”, Taehyung started. “It looks like your natural hair.”

 

Jimin blushed and looked out of the window.

 

“It ruined my hair structure.”

 

“Even with no hair, you’d look beautiful to me”, Jimin looked at Taehyung with such vulnerability, the younger wanted to just wrap his arms around him and protect him from all evil.

 

“Taehyung, one thing”, their manager suddenly said and turned around. “Your outfit has been chosen with speculation, and you’ll be the prime of the group today. Please, smile. Pose, smile and don’t look like you’re about to commit suicide.”

 

Taehyung couldn’t take it anymore. Too long had he listened to the commands of the staff.

 

“I’m sorry, but as a human being I feel very emotionally sunken at this moment”, Taehyung snapped, even that seemed as though he was talking to a royal.

 

“That doesn’t matter”, their manager dismissed. “Listen, both of you, you’re not really a human being anymore, you’re not even a musician, nor an entertainer, you’re a product, a product made by BigHit entertainment, and if you don’t act like said product you will get your human life back, by getting thrown out of the band.”

 

Many people would now simply say that Taehyung should just leave the group; he wasn’t happy, he didn’t have much of his own life and couldn’t live his true self. But despite all those things, Taehyung loved to sing. The majority of the time he wasn’t even doing that, rather filming content and similar to that, but when he sang, he felt elevated and as if he were in his own world.

 

They finally arrived at the red carpet and were already greeted by the other members. Their manager came out as well and spoke a little to them. “Now, guys don’t forget the fan-service. The ship we would like to strengthen today is Taehyung and Jungkook, so both of you be as close as possible. Oh, and mention ARMY as much as possible!”

 

With that they got onto the carpet for every picture they had to stand in the typical BTS set-up with Jungkook in the middle and the others around him. Flashes blinded all of them, but they were already used to it by now. As they moved on from taking pictures to the interviews, Jungkook stood as promised in front or next to Taehyung. What no one seemed to realize though that a significant other was also always next to him.

 

They never held each other’s hands there, but Taehyung could feel Jimin’s urge to stop himself from doing so. All interviews passed without Taehyung saying a word of what he had prepared, which made him feel as if he done something for nothing.

 

“Taehyung-ssi!”, Seokjin suddenly stood next to him and Hoseok raised his phone in the air. “We saw you had no opportunity to answer, but here it is!”

 

That was the first smile Taehyung mustered that day as he answered his prepared speech with both of the others growing impressed. Now it was time to get ready for the performance; a performance that would take 15 seconds, because that’s how long their part is. He shouldn’t be saying anything against it, after all he learned: when the western world gives you something, even the smallest of things, take it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The afterparty was maybe the thing that Taehyung needed after the whole scandal with Sila. A party with no cameras if you didn’t want them, all around celebrities as well, who don’t get crazy when seeing you; a fame haven.

 

They were still in their performance clothes they had on while performing with Lil Nas X, but Taehyung didn’t mind. He didn’t have the push to change it anyways. The DJ blasted the newest party songs in the industry, while the crowed wooped and joined the celebration. Taehyung had two drinks in his hand, while walking past a singer he thought maybe was Camila Cabello and Billie Eilish, but maybe he just didn’t see right from the low light.

 

He finally found his destination and handed Jimin one of the drinks in his hands. They cheered before they sipped their cocktails and chatted about the Grammys. It took only a few more sips for their skin to heat up and pull them towards the dance floor. They danced and laughed, finally feeling freedom. It were private moments with Jimin like these that made Taehyung feel as if he were on cloud 9, made him feel good.

 

Jimin was smiling ear to ear as he moved his body to the beat, making Taehyung gape at him and check him out from head to toe. Jimin in his opinion was an extraordinary dancer, who was too underrated in the industry. Seeing him happy and energetic, made Taehyung feel happy too. After dancing to three songs, Taehyung went to the bar to grab two more drinks.

 

As he waited, he could still see the fire in Jimin’s eyes on the dance floor, where his gaze pulled Taehyung into what felt like hell. Taehyung would gladly go to hell if it meant he would go wherever Jimin was. The alcohol intensified his wanting for Jimin, so when he waited for the drinks to be done, he anxiously tapped the tips of his fingers on the counter.

 

“V, that’s your name, right?”, a female voice suddenly asked next to him. He turned and saw a latina singer he didn’t know stand next to him, also waiting for a drink.

 

“Yes”, he shortly replied and continued ignoring her. She’s a pretty woman and it was obvious that she made a move on him, but he wasn’t interested. Not when there was already someone else.

 

“I saw your performance with Lil Nas today, I got to say, I love your voice”, only half of what she said Taehyung understood. His English was generally already bad, now with the alcohol it was even worse. So he just nodded and prayed for the bar tender to hurry up as fast as possible.

 

“You know, tonight is a night to be celebrated, and as I see you have no one to celebrate it with, nor do I. So, what do you say we-”

 

“Taehyung-ah”, a glitter soft song called out for him. And before he could even turn around, Jimin was already standing next to him, his hand reaching out for the other’s. This sent the woman’s eyebrows furrowing; it was a sight to behold.

 

At that moment their drinks also finally were finished and handed to them. Before they could leave though, Taehyung turned to the woman again.

 

“Sorry, I already have someone to celebrate with.”

 

In a snap they were already dancing again, laughing and now even holding each other. The beverages hit them in the head and started to take effect as Taehyung’s actions got leaded by instinct. Soon enough, Taehyung’s hands were on Jimin’s hips as they dance against each other.

 

When gazing into Jimin’s eyes the world seemed to stop. Arson went loose inside his body as he ran his hands across Jimin’s body, memorizing every dip and every detail. His eyes were screaming pure lust, and Taehyung felt oddly pleased that it was directed towards him. The tension between them rose, until Jimin couldn’t handle it anymore.

 

The sensation of being kissed by Jimin was something Taehyung couldn’t describe in words. It was something so delicate one might think it came straight out of heaven, while it felt so sinful it looked like it was sent from hell. The pillowy rosy lips that tasted like the cocktail they drank before were Taehyung’s new favorite food as he continued kissing the older with so much pent-up desperation. Even though it was their first time kissing, it felt as if they already had done it a thousand times.

 

They broke the kiss and rested their foreheads against on another. It seemed as though the music in the background faded out and all Taehyung could hear was Jimin’s hard breathing. They looked into each other’s eyes, already wanting to dive into a second kiss, when suddenly a familiar voice interrupted them.

 

“Guys, let’s go back to the hotel!”, Hoseok hooked both his arms around the other two’s shoulders. Taehyung felt the growing rage inside him wanting to go off, slowly sobering up. He didn’t say anything though and followed the older to the vans waiting already in front of the venue. While Jimin was walking next to Taehyung behind Hoseok, he held the other’s hand, slowly caressing the younger’s palm.

 

When they entered their van again and Hoseok joined Yoongi in another one, Taehyung noticed that their manager wasn’t in the same car anymore. Now it was just them and the driver. Taehyung’s head slowly lolled from side to side, the alcohol still taking a toll on him, while his head slowly cleared. Jimin isn’t quite better off; the man was giggling the whole time and holding his stomach from the pain of laughter.

 

When their car drove off, he could see the other cars still parked in the same space. Taehyung looked outside of the car to the street behind him and saw the other cars not even in his visible sight; how far away are they?

 

The question wasn’t answered though; instead, he suddenly felt an all too familiar touch turn his head and his new favorite lips meat his again. Jimin was already out of his seatbelt and crawling to Taehyung, kissing him with more tongue than lips. The driver was long forgotten when Taehyung angled his head for better access and his hands found their designated place on Jimin’s hips, pulling him down on his lap.

 

Taehyung didn’t care anymore. He didn’t care about the driver or if anyone one the street would see them. He would pay the driver later to keep his mouth shut, but all he could think about in that moment was the man devouring his mouth jaw.

 

Jimin’s arms circled Taehyung’s neck as the other rather hugged Jimin’s waist than grabbed it. Jimin was an art piece straight out of a museum, so he deserved every caution there is to give. He trailed from Jimin’s lips to the smooth skin of his neck and started leaving wet, open mouthed kisses there, making Jimin let out little sighs and hums in pleasure. The tension in the car seemed unbearable with an unwanted guest with them.

 

Just as the car stopped, Taehyung fumbled with the pocket of his pants and threw 50000 Won to the driver in the front and went out of the car, Jimin right behind him. They hurried to the hotel and into the elevator, even though they nearly tripped on the way due to the alcohol still intoxicating them. On the way up, Taehyung seemed to get drunk from Jimin’s affection, as everything around him grew hazy and the only thing he could remember where the other’s hands and lips on him.

 

He packed Jimin’s thighs when the elevator stopped and slammed him on the wall of the hallway their rooms were in. They opened their eyes as Taehyung sloppily got his keycard for his room and brought the older in. They kissed while Taehyung gently lay Jimin down on the bed, softly caressing the other’s sides. When they stopped, Taehyung had to smile, looking down at the love of his life.

 

“How drunk are you?”, he asked, making Jimin giggle a bit again.

 

“Not enough to not understand what’s happening.”

 

“Good…”, Taehyung slowly captured Jimin’s lips again. “That’s good.”

 

Before they knew it all the clothes were discarded, and they lay next to each other at their most vulnerable. Jimin was a piece of art, something Aphrodite took a second longer to make than the rest of the world. As Taehyung opened Jimin up with his fingers, the other began to hum louder, until they transformed into whines. When he was three fingers deep, he took them out and worshipped Jimin’s body to the fullest.

 

Kissing his belly, caressing Jimin’s arms with only the fingertips, making Jimin giggle due to the tickling. At one point Taehyung’s erection hurt so much that he had to put an end to it, so positioning himself between Jimin’s legs he pushed in, spit replacing lube.

 

Both men moaned out when Taehyung bottomed up, their mouths already finding themselves on each other. With lazy thrusts Taehyung punched out the sweetest noises from Jimin, sounding as if they were reserved only for the most holy ears.

 

As the pace picked up, it was Taehyung who grew louder, as he found out that Jimin wasn’t particularly loud in bed. Jimin’s legs wrapped around his waist and pushed him deeper in. With one leg over Taehyung’s shoulder, his drunken mind nearly said three words that were not allowed to say. But even without saying it, he hoped that the emotions he put in this delivered his message.

 

Even though they were drunk, they knew that this meant more than just sex for both of them.

 

“I’m close”, Taehyung rasped out as he left hickeys on Jimin’s neck, hitting Jimin’s prostate dead on.

 

“Touch me Tae”, Jimin whined as he arched of the bed and slammed the back of his head on the mattress. Taehyung’s fingers found their way to Jimin’s erection and simultaneously pumped it with his thrust, sending the older over the edge, making Jimin moan out loud.

 

It took five more thrusts for Taehyung to do the same, moaning into Jimin’s open mouth as he stayed in the same position, bottomed out.

 

Heavy panting filled the room. It smelled like sex and sweat all around, as Taehyung put one blonde strand behind Jimin’s ear. Their eyes met as sweat dripped off of Taehyung’s forehead and landed on the other’s. He nearly completely sobered up again, pulling out and using the duvet to wish Jimin’s release away. He plopped down on the side, looking at the other man.

 

“You’re beautiful”, he whispered out, making Jimin look at him with a smile.

 

“You’re magnificent Taehyung-ie”, he giggled and left a peck on the other’s nose. They lay in silence, softly caressing each other’s skin. Taehyung reached towards Jimin’s tattoo on his chest and trailed the letters one by one, making Jimin laugh.

 

“Stop, that tickles!”, he choked out, calming down when seeing Taehyung smiling.

 

“I wish every day could be like this.”

 

Jimin caressed Taehyung’s cheeks with the back of his hand.

 

“Me too sweetheart.”

 

“I don’t want to blame this on alcohol.”

 

“Oh Tae”, Jimin sighed out. “It would be a shame if this truly was just an act of alcohol, wouldn’t it?”

 

Taehyung leaned into his touch, nodding while tears finally reached his eyes. Jimin wiped them away as he brought Taehyung into his arms, softly caressing his head while the other silently let his tears fall against Jimin’s chest. He wrapped his arms around Jimin’s waist, scared that he would lose him any second.

 

But that was the selfish part; Jimin wasn’t his. Sadly, Jimin could never be his due to their job. Jimin hummed a little song as he caressed Taehyung’s back softly, here and there singing the lyrics of the song. It felt as if Taehyung already died and gone to heaven, hearing the angels sing.

 

After what seemed like an hour, Jimin finally spoke the dreaded words Taehyung hoped he wouldn’t hear that night.

 

“I have to go.”

 

And Taehyung knew he had to, but he didn’t want to. He also knew Jimin didn’t want to go either. He let the other go, let him get dressed again and let him kiss him a final time, a silent promise that this won’t be forgotten or the last time.

 

Taehyung couldn’t sleep that night.

 

 

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

It felt cold. Everything around him felt cold. And meaningless. Why are they recording another album? Why can’t they have a break or a vacation? Everything was so… dull, and artificial, and already set. His whole future was already set.

 

He’s to become one of the biggest artists of all time, he’s going to marry and have kids, even if he can’t choose someone, the entertainment industry will. He’s going to be richer than he is now, but like a selfish child he doesn’t want money in exchange for happiness. He just wants to live, to be.

 

“We’re going to the USA again to film the Black Swan music video”, their manager said as they came back from recording another single, called ’00:00 o’clock’. “It’ll be in an opera house, but we only have two days for filming, so be ready.”

 

Everything stiffened up in the room. Black Swan was nearly only written by Namjoon and Yoongi, but it felt very important to all of them. It’s a message, a hopeful message everyone would get and understand.

 

They won’t. But it was worth a shot.

 

“Taehyung”, a plumb sweet echo called him, as he turned and saw him with his freshly blue dyed hair. Taehyung went with his fingers through it and made a face when he felt the broken structure of the hair.

 

“They’re destroying it”, your beautiful hair.

 

“Well, it isn’t something I can choose, is it?”, it was not a question of accusation.

 

 Jimin smiled as he sat next to the younger, whipping out a bowl of- strawberries, from behind his back. Taehyung smiled as he saw Jimin’s small hands grab the end of one of the strawberries and silently fed the younger. They would laugh now and then when the juice of the fruit dripped down Taehyung’s chin.

 

Nothing changed after the night at the Grammys. Nothing was allowed to change. But their friendship seemed to have evolved already so much through the years that it was just enough to bare the weight of their love as well. The other members didn’t grow suspicious at all, not even noticing Jimin not being in his hotel room that night when they came back, and they didn’t suspect anything now.

 

Taehyung turned around and looked at the other members. None of them were smiling. How could they, they weren’t any better than Taehyung, only Taehyung wasn’t scared to show it in open camera.

 

“They’re exhausted”, Jimin whispered, the smile from before not present anymore.

 

“You know that’s not the only reason”, Taehyung mumbled as he took a strawberry and fed it to Jimin that time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The opera house was beautiful. Taehyung was never in one before this grand, his parents couldn’t afford it when he was a kid. In Seoul there also weren’t nearly enough of such houses, so seeing something like this in such big mass… For the first time in years, Taehyung felt excited.

 

“We’ll directly start shooting, Jimin, go into position”, their manager ordered. Taehyung couldn’t see Jimin, as the staff put some make up on him, but as soon as the older got into the spotlight, Taehyung’s breath hitched.

 

He was beautiful. He had a white suit with a black feather stripe across his chest, looking as majestic as ever. Jimin was supposed to dance barefoot, a hard task to manage especially when you had to turn as often as he had to.

 

Taehyung couldn’t fight the urge to go on stage and wanting to tell him all the pretty little things he had in his mind, all the little details he had noticed, but he stopped walking abruptly when he saw Jimin speaking to a camera.

 

Again. Some side filming. There was no end to it. Next thing you know they’ll film them sleeping or when they’re engaged in heavy intercourse. Taehyung guessed he had to wait until the shooting was over so he could talk to Jimin in private.

 

When his dancing started, all emotions, all feelings were lay bare. The pain, the sadness, the destroyed hope, all of it. Taehyung loved it. Taehyung loved him, for being able to do that task after Hoseok declined. Jimin was an underrated dancer; Hoseok overshadowed him, even though Jimin’s dancing was significantly better as you could see in that moment. He got a degree in contemporary damn it, but nobody seemed to acknowledge that except Taehyung.

 

It didn’t matter though; Taehyung was ready to acknowledge everything nobody else did.

 

At the end, when Jimin reached after the camera Taehyung nearly clapped in admiration, but seized himself before doing so. Jimin jumped down from the stage and gave one of his eye smiles at Taehyung, making him blush.

 

The whole filming was quite tense because of the side camera filming their every move, but it’s something they’re used to. When they had to film the group dances, they had two costumes: black ones, presenting the black swan, and the white ones, presenting the white swan. While in their black suits dancing barefoot, Taehyung stopped in the middle of the dancing, making everyone shocked and stop their movements, looking at what he was doing.

 

The Bangtan Bomb camera stopped filming as Taehyung walked to the edge of the stage and took off his tuxedo, then also taking his undershirt and button up, resulting his upper body being naked. He could hear the footsteps of their manager stepping closer and closer to him.

 

“What the devil are you doing?”, he asked angrily as Taehyung now just wore the tuxedo without anything underneath it.

 

“Excuse me, but I was sweating so much that it dripped on the floor, and I was just too worried that the others might slip on it, so I thought I’d rather change it now before making it worse”, Taehyung answered, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

 

“You are not dressing like that!”

 

“Sorry, but as a human being, I have the right to wear whatever I want-”

 

“No you don’t!”, the vein on their manager’s head might pop from anger. “You signed a fucking contract, that we order you what to wear, to eat, to drink, when to drink, what to drink, or if you drink at all! You can’t do anything! Nothing! You are our property, our thing to use!”

 

The silence was humiliating. None of them dared to talk. Only Taehyung, stepping even closer, whispered into the void.

 

“And you asked yourself why we wrote a song like this.”

 

He had no motivation at all anymore. He walked back to his position, ignoring any stare that someone had to give.

 

“Can we have a break?”, Seokjin asked, after a deliberate deal of time, but Taehyung was thankful for it. He needed a break emotionally. He was already walking out of his position when the cameraman with the Bangtan Bomb camera said something.

 

“But we have to film this as soon as possible for ARMY-”

 

“Fuck ARMY!”, Taehyung screamed out. Everyone around him widened their eyes. “We film every second of our lives for their entertainment, post it online for nothing! I am a singer, not a YouTube streamer! A fucking singer! They get everything, from the way we walk to the way we shit! Fuck them for once in this fucking life!”

 

He walked out of the hall with wide steps. No longer wanted he to be on the eye of a camera, he just once wanted to be alone in his thoughts. Taehyung walked to the stairs down to the entrance and sat on a bench in front of the theater.

 

Heavy breaths. He just wanted to- throw everything against a wall, cower in the dark, cry hysterically, scream out of the top of his lungs. The squeeze in his chest made him feel as if he didn’t have any room to breathe. He felt the blood rushing through his ears, the thoughts in his head turning darker and darker.

 

It were only a few minutes he had alone until he heard multiple footsteps coming towards him. Taehyung just starred at the floor as the others seated next to him.

 

“Are you alright?”, Seokjin asked next to him, rubbing soothing circles on his back.

 

“I’m pretty fucking far from alright hyung”, he mumbled and rubbed his face with his hands. They didn’t say much, just sitting next to him, keeping him company.

 

“You know”, Yoongi started. “I got a death threat from a solo stan today.”

 

Taehyung turned his head to look at the second oldest, Yoongi just nodding.

 

“Scratch solo stand”, Hoseok added. “An ARMY yelled at me on the street that BTS was better off without me. That I was too ugly.”

 

“I got a message from someone who had my name in her account name that said that she stopped liking us because of how I changed. What is that supposed to even mean?”, Namjoon questioned and looked down at his shoes.

 

“Someone told me I looked like their grandfather”, Seokjin said, making all of them look at him.

 

“That’s rather funny”, Yoongi mumbled out after a minute long silence, making everyone else chuckle, even Taehyung.

 

“You know”, the lullaby of a voice started. “When I was in Paris to a visit a friend of mine in 2019 I got into a huge scandal.”

 

Taehyung turned his head towards the light that smiled at him sadly.

 

“It was similar to what happened with us and Sila. I was at a party and hyung introduced me to three women, all his friends. Only one of them recognized me. Two of them spoke mediocre Korean, so we misunderstood each other a lot. We played a flicking game, where we would flick our middle finger at each other’s foreheads. I had a lot of fun that night. The next morning their faces were all over social media. ARMYs threatened them, hurt them, ruined their lives, saying they hurt me”, Jimin scoffed. “The audacity.”

 

Taehyung looked at them. He finally calmed down, breathing in and out.

 

“You know”, Taehyung started. “When I see them at concerts, I really do love them. Cheering us on, singing with us. It hurts even more when I know that these exact people are so toxic and…”

 

“Awful?”, Jungkook this time responded.

 

They all take a breath, holding each other’s hands. It was rare for them to all talk like this. Sure, on camera they seemed as close as it can get, but in the end people forget that they didn’t know each other at all when joining the group. They weren’t that close. But they all lived the same life, and so in such moments they all understood, all supporting each other.

 

“Manager was furious when you walked off”, Jungkook said, making everybody laugh.

 

“I was so happy you argued with him though”, Hoseok this time exclaimed. “If you wouldn’t have any of us might have snapped soon enough.”

 

“Yeah well,” Taehyung chuckled and turned to Namjoon. “That’s the main reason I dreaded when you told the world that you would put me in Hufflepuff.”

 

“Come on”, the leader argued. “How was I supposed to know you had a pair of balls.”

 

“You knew I was a clear Gryffindor from the start! And hyung is definitely a Slytherin!”, Taehyung pointed at Seokjin, whose jaw just fell on the floor. Everybody began to laugh. Finally. Finally someone laughed again.

 

They went all back inside after joking around a bit more, their manager not making eye contact with any of them as they resumed the shoot. Taehyung felt better. Not good, but better. He continued the shoot in the outfit he wanted to wear, even though the director was unhappy with it. After they shot it, Jimin’s angelic voice suddenly sang something on a language that should resemble Italian. Taehyung joined in soon afterwords, both of them singing like opera singers. And suddenly, the world felt lighter. Having Jimin by his side made him feel lighter. They fooled around for a while longer, laughing between the sentences.

 

When Jimin’s tiny hands barely covered his eyes as he was singing, he felt the other’s chest on his back, giving him a tiny bit of warmth. Taehyung needed it.

 

The next day wasn’t much different, Taehyung felt a bit worse than the day before, but it was alright. They did their dance scenes, he got to do his solo part, sung jokingly in the last room again, joining in with Namjoon.

 

“Alright, now for the last shoot of the video for Bangtan Bomb, everyone stand next to each other, yes, a bit closer”, everyone followed the director’s orders, and nearly said action, before their manager sprung in front of them. He brought Jungkook from the edge and put him behind Taehyung, draping his arms around the older’s neck from behind. It looked so fake.

 

Throughout the whole last scene Taehyung looked at Jimin. It was a bit obvious, but that’s what he hoped to achieve.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You know I want to make a duo on this album”, Jimin said as they silently ate noodles in Taehyung’s hotel room. It made the younger frown at him.

 

“Duo?”

 

“Yes, I thought of singing with Namjoon, but the company thinks it’d be more appropriate with you”, he explained, making Taehyung hold his chest dramatically.

 

“You don’t want to make a duo with me?”, he asked in a soapy way, making Jimin hit his shoulder while laughing.

 

“So…”, Jimin asked. “What do you say?”

 

“What is the song about?”

 

“It’s called ‘Friends’.”

 

Taehyung started to laugh out loud into his noodle soup, snickering for a good minute.

 

“I didn’t choose the title! They did!”

 

“I’m sorry, it’s just so ironic”, Taehyung chuckled as he wiped of the food on his face. Jimin had do laugh as well.

 

“I know… but they want to do some really awkward things, like looking back on the dumpling incident.”

 

Now Taehyung wanted to laugh even more.

 

“The dumpling fight? We had much worse since then!”

 

“I know, but it’s going to be a very childish song, so just- don’t let me do this alone”, Jimin nearly begged.

 

“Fine”, Taehyung smirked as he poked his leftover food, not quite hungry anymore. “But just because you asked so nicely.”

 

As he pushed away his meal, Jimin’s expression darkened to an extend Taehyung grew scared.

“Please eat”, the older then said. “I saw you today, you are as thin as a stick. I could see your ribs.”

 

Taehyung’s mood soured.

 

“I’m not hungry.”

 

Jimin didn’t want to argue with his best friend, so he kept his mouth shut, but the expression never left his face. Taehyung didn’t know what to say; he started skipping meals more often, on some days he didn’t even eat at all. He knew it wasn’t healthy, but he just didn’t have an appetite.

 

Instead, he opened his brand new iPhone, scrolling through twitter, until he landed on a post which made his mood completely break.

 

It was a post from the latin singer at the Grammys that talked to him. She told everyone how she saw him at the bar and spoke to him, got to know him a bit. She didn’t say anything negative, but the fact that she brought something up about him without his consent, it angered him. He went into the comments, and surprisingly, only few ARMYs were there. Some saying not to touch him because he was theirs, the usual, but one excitedly asked her what he was like.

 

He’s still a child in his teenage years.

 

Taehyung starred at the reply from the singer, hid hands gripping the phone with all their might. A child? What did she mean a child? He was a man in his twenties, a grown adult. He slowly breathed in and out, turning to Jimin, who was still slurping on his noodles.

 

Was he still acting like a child? He thought about it, and soon enough his thoughts hurt him. He was a minor when becoming a trainee, had not had any private life since then. Did he maybe stay that way? Stay childish since he was seventeen? The thought scared him, it made him want to puke.

 

He closed the app. Taehyung didn’t sleep well that night.

 

 

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

Taehyung was sweaty from head to bottom. They just performed ON for what seemed like the nth time in matter of days. He reached for the inhaler in the styling room, breathing in few breaths after another.

 

The funniest thing was that nobody was there at the performance. Nobody watched them. They only got to know a week before that the whole country is on lockdown and nobody was allowed to attend public spaces that are too crowded. That Corona virus was killing their career more than anything; they trained day and night for the new album, rehearsing without breaks, taking more vocal training and attending more venues, but nearly everything was for nothing now. They weren’t even allowed to go to the States anymore, them, BTS.

 

Everyone in the room was dead, panting for more air. Taehyung didn’t feel anything anymore, physically and mentally. He didn’t see his parents in months, nor his dog. It felt as if a piece of his soul just went missing and Taehyung didn’t know where to find it.

 

He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to find it.

 

“Guys”, their manager came into the room, having a stoic, but furrowed expression.

 

What was going on now?

 

“Let’s go to the lobby, we’ve got some news for you.”

 

Everybody stood up and began to follow their manager. On their way there, Taehyung saw the camera for their documentary they were filming. Of course…

 

“Bon Voyage would be fun to film again”, Jimin next to him suddenly said, making Hoseok snicker.

 

“That’s out of the blue.”

 

“I was just thinking”, Jimin said. “If they already don’t want us to have vacation freely like this, we could have it while they film it.”

 

“Yeah, let’s just forget that half of the show is scripted”, Taehyung mumbled with a smirk, making Jimin roll his eyes.

 

“It would be hard though, considering that we can’t go out of the country.”

 

Soon the whole group was invested in the conversation, agreeing that Bon Voyage would be fitting for them as well. When they sat down in the lobby and continued talking about it, Taehyung saw the camera already turning on.

 

“Now”, their manager started. “Since we’re all here, I think it’s best to deliver you the news.”

 

A sudden tension was in the air, spreading through everyone present.

 

“Due to this COVID-19 pandemic…”

 

Jimin’s smile fell off of his face.

 

“Don’t tell us-”

 

“And because of reasons that were out of our control, the world tour must get cancelled.”

 

Jimin and Hoseok exclaimed in disappointment, throwing themselves back onto the couch they were sitting.

 

Taehyung just- starred. He didn’t hear anymore what was happening around him. In his head dozens of voices were just screaming and arguing, it felt as if his head would explode any minute. His muscles tensed, the air suddenly grew cold. He couldn’t rightly see in front of him anymore or feel.

 

Feeling. He didn’t feel much anymore for a couple of weeks since the night with Jimin. Taehyung stood suddenly up and walked out of the room. It was as if time sped up to such an alarming level that he had to do something until it ended.

 

What did he want to do? What did he want to accomplish? And then it hit him.

 

Taehyung didn’t want absolutely anything except peace. Peace in his mind, peace with his body, peace in his life.

 

He went outside the building of the award show they were performing for. Taehyung was just leaning onto the wall, looking at the street in front of him and the cars racing by. He felt like an empty shell that someone had stolen his pearl without consent, and now he was just… worthless. Empty.

 

The door next to him opened, but it weren’t Jimin’s steps.

 

“Hyung?”, Taehyung turned and saw Jungkook looking at him concerned. “Are you okey?”

 

Taehyung turned to the street again.

 

“No.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taehyung looked at himself in the mirror. His skin wasn’t as pale as it was before, but his cheeks were nonexistent. He had heavy eye bags and his hair was heavily damaged. His heart was beating in a pace he never felt before.

 

He looked down at his hands, which were resting on the sink. One hand had a razor blade while the other hand’s wrist was neatly washed.

 

Was he really going to do it? Was this really the only way out? He was once so happy, seeing their fame grow day by day. Now he was miserable. He didn’t want to live that life anymore.

 

It was selfish if you think about it, because Taehyung knew exactly what he was getting himself into when signing that contract, he wasn’t stupid… maybe he was. He knew exactly what he was getting into, and he still signed it. He was so stupid…

 

This was his punishment now. His own fault. Taehyung looked at himself again and tears streaming down his cheek as his face morphed into something ugly.

 

It will be just a little cut, you won’t even feel it.

 

He raised the razor to the vein popping on his wrist, laying the sharp metal on the smooth skin. It looked strange like that: a razor he used daily was so close to end a human’s life. Taehyung’s hand was trembling as he finally sinked the metal into the blue stripe, cutting it.

 

Then, Jimin’s face was suddenly in front of him. A memory, he figured. It was back when they released The Most Beautiful Moment in Life Part 2, Jimin had orange hair and the whole group were shooting the one photoshoot out in the open. The light had caught Jimin’s just right, to make him look like a celestial being. It was the first time Taehyung realized he loved him.

 

Blood oozed out of his wrist, painting the floor under him red. The razor fell on the floor with a silent clink, while Taehyung fell with a loud thud, multiple things falling off the sink as he swished them with him.

 

He began to cry hysterically, holding his wrist while sliding to the wall behind him.

 

He was regretting it, he was regretting it, he was regretting it, he didn’t want to die, he didn’t want to die, he didn’t want to die.

 

Taehyung was trying to stop the blood stream with his thumb, but everywhere he looked around was blood, blood and more blood. His thumb got slippery until it was no use anymore. His cries got louder while the pain intensified.

 

Suddenly, the door of the bathroom slammed open, but Taehyung couldn’t see who it was due to the water in his eyes. Then skin contact happened with a touch Taehyung knew all too well.

 

“Taehyung!”, the once beautiful voice was now a shrilling sound, which probably could be heard across miles. The first thing Taehyung saw was Jimin’s beautiful brown eyes. They weren’t the typical dark brown ones every Korean had, but a light brown that looked like the brown of cinnamon or cappuccinos he sometimes drank if nothing else was available.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry”, Taehyung repeated in a tantrum as Jimin took off his shirt and tied it around Taehyung’s wrist.

 

“What were you thinking?! Why would you do that?! Thank god I came, who know’s what would have happened-”, Jimin rambled as he checked the younger for more wounds. Taehyung instead pulled the older into a hug, sobbing into his chest.

 

“I’m so sorry, I just feel-”, Taehyung choked on a sob. “I just feel as if I’m in this dead end street with no way out, as if nothing can help me anymore, I just want out! I just want this to be over!”

 

Jimin’s arms wrapped around Taehyung, holding him close and repeatedly kiss his temple.

 

“Don’t leave me again! Don’t leave me Tae! You’re my reason, Tae! You’re my reason, why am I not yours?”

 

“Oh Jimin”, Taehyung lifted his head to look the other in the eye. “You’re my reason. You’re the reason I wake up every morning, the reason I go into the studio, the reason I go and eat, the reason I actually still believe in love, but what is life when I can’t have my one reason for myself?”

 

They looked at each other, Taehyung was noticing that Jimin was also shedding tears. He could only imagine what big of a shock it suddenly was for him, seeing Taehyung in the BigHit bathroom with blood around him.

 

Jimin leaned in and pressed their lips together, not a desperate kiss, but the kind of kiss where you need to check if the person in front of you was really there. If he was still alive, still with him. Taehyung kissed just as hard back, holding Jimin’s neck with all his might.

 

They just sat and kissed, feeling like one in their own way. It wasn’t romantic, with the gore around them, but it was needed. They needed it.

 

After what seemed like eternity, Jimin broke the kiss and hugged Taehyung tightly, sobbing into Taehyung’s hair.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry that I didn’t do much to help you, I’m sorry that I wasn’t paying attention, I’m a horrible best friend, I’m a horrible-”

 

Boyfriend.

 

Taehyung’s crying slowly stopped, but Jimin’s got stronger.

 

“Don’t try this again! We need to go to a hospital, oh god, come on-”

 

“No, Jimin we don’t need to”, Taehyung cut him off.

 

“We do! You hit your vein, your blood flow, it’ll be-”

 

“No, Jimin I didn’t”, Jimin stopped wailing and looked at the younger. “Last minute I retrieved the razor. I changed my mind, I couldn’t kill myself, because-”

 

‘Tae, what are you doing? Stop spraying me with water! They’ll need to style me all over again! Stop laughing, do you know how much this hair costed? Bang PD Nim nearly didn’t buy it because of the prize! I said stop! You little-’

Jimin.

 

“You saved me angel, I thought of you and though- what kind of a selfish being am I, to be able to live the same life as Park Jimin and then leave it willingly? I didn’t cut my vein, angel, it’s just a wound.”

 

Jimin let out a heavy breath, beginning to punch the younger all over his chest.

 

“You stupid-”, Jimin said between punches. “Stupid, stupid, stupid man! God I hate you! I hate you so much!”

 

Taehyung just took the punches; he knew he deserved them. He just buried his face into Jimin’s naked chest, inhaling his soft scent, giving him comfort.

 

“I hate you so, so much, that I-”

 

Taehyung’s head snapped up.

 

“You don’t have to say it. I know, you don’t have to-”

 

“I love you.”

 

Taehyung’s sobbing started flowing again, pulling Jimin’s head down so he could give him a long, everlasting kiss on his beautiful, plump lips.

 

“I love you too angel.”

 

He couldn’t believe he said it. He confessed. Taehyung finally did it. It was ironic how he started to laugh amidst the crying and the pain in his left wrist. They knew they loved each other from the start, but hearing it from the other’s mouth, hearing that it’s true, it made things seem so much easier.

 

After a good crying and kissing session, a heavy question hung in the room, and nobody wanted to ask it until Taehyung decided to.

 

“What now?”

 

Silence.

 

“I don’t know”, Jimin answered under his breath. “Is that alright?”

 

Taehyung looked into the coffee brown eyes, jealousy running through him when he saw his lashes that had the pleasure of kissing Jimin’s cheeks every day, every hour, every minute.

 

“Yeah”, he nearly whispered. “Yeah, it’s alright. We don’t have to know yet.”

 

Jimin sighed in relief as he captured the other’s lips between his again. God, what a relief. What a relief that the war is finally over.

 

“Should we tell the others?”, Jimin questioned again, cupping Taehyung’s cheeks.

 

“I don’t think we have to”, Taehyung answered.

 

“How so?”

 

“They just… know. Just like we knew.”

 

Jimin finally calmed down to take a closer look at Taehyung’s wound. Fortunately, Jimin’s shirt stopped the blood just as expected, but they now had to disinfect it and bandage it.

 

“It’ll scar”, Jimin mumbled, as he took of his shirt and looked closer.

 

“Maybe that’s a good thing”, Taehyung countered. “It would be the first thing I’d see in the morning, a daily reminder to never in any lifetime to leave you back.

 

“I realized that before; that even when I died, I’d be miserable. Because even in death I know that I will never be happy, knowing that I left you behind. Life and death are pointless without you.”

 

Jimin starred at Taehyung with so many words. He held up the younger’s wrist and pecked it softly, scared that the blood might start flowing again.

 

“You’re driving me crazy Taehyung-ie.”

 

And Taehyung genuinely laughed.

 

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

“We heard complaints that you need a vacation, like Bon Voyage again”, their manager one day said. They released their album about a week ago, rising to the top again as expected. That album would probably be their most successful one as Bang PD nim said.

 

“Due to the circumstances a Bon Voyage season is not possible right now, but-”

 

The members in the room stopped eating and looked at their manager. It was their once-a-day meal they were allowed to eat due to their diet.

 

“We still think that you deserve a break, so we’ll shoot a new series, called ‘In the Soop’, similar to Bon Voyage, only in Korea.”

 

Taehyung felt himself sigh. Finally, a break. Of course with cameras around again, but he would take anything they got.

 

“We will start filming at the beginning of the summer, but after it we immediately release Dynamite, so please put everything you got into that song!”

 

Taehyung looked across from him to Jimin, who was already looking at him, or rather, his wrist. The wound scarred, just as Jimin predicted. He had to wear jackets the whole time so people couldn’t see his bandage hiding under it, but now it was fully healed and only visible when you stare at it long enough. Taehyung finally caught Jimin’s gaze and smiled at him in reassurance.

 

Now things definitely changed between them, but not visibly. They still act the same way as always, but the lingering eyes, the secret touches they exchange during the day, it were all small details that meant something to both of them.

 

Later that day when Taehyung was already laying in bed, a small knock emitted from the door.

 

“Come in”, Taehyung rasped, his voice broken from singing the whole time.

 

Jimin came in in his black pajamas, looking like a snack Taehyung could eat up any second.

 

“Couldn’t sleep”, the older just whispered, making Taehyung lift his duvet, a silent invitation to join him. Jimin did just that and snuggled up into Taehyung’s chest. It felt as if a flower bloomed in his body the moment Jimin made skin contact.

 

Taehyung got warm from Jimin’s cute breathing, holding him closer to his torso.

 

“Are you excited?”, Taehyung asked, looking straight ahead of him.

 

“Yes, we’ve deserved nothing less than that.”

 

Taehyung left pecks all over Jimin’s temple, breathing in the shampoo the older was using. Vanilla and Cherry. Jimin was the only one who said he’d rather shove his ass in the trash rather than using shampoo for men that smell like ‘animal sweat’.

 

“How are you feeling?”, Jimin whispered out, tracing his finger along the scar.

 

“You’re here, so I’m feeling perfect.”

 

“You know what I mean Tae.”

 

Taehyung didn’t like to talk about it. His depression felt like a big, black, unwanted dog following him everywhere, growing bigger by the minute.

 

“…it’s the same”, Taehyung confessed silently. It was nothing he could do, it was out of his control.

 

“Oh sweetheart”, Jimin took his hand and pecked each of his fingertips. Only looking at Jimin, Taehyung’s heart warmed up.

 

“We’re going to be fine”, he mumbled as he hugged Jimin tighter. “We’re like Eros and Psyche.”

 

Jimin laughed. “Who?”

 

“Eros and Psyche, from the Greek mythologies. Eros was a god who fell in love with Psyche, who was a mortal. They couldn’t be in a relationship because of that, but in the end, Psyche was awarded godhood and got married to Eros. They lived happily ever after with their own children.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The location for the filming was beautiful. It was a hillside with a villa next to a sea, just what he needed. The camera was already rolling, Taehyung and the others were already in their acting role, but he wanted really to try his best and be happy for his own good. The whole day went by doing activities, accommodating into their rooms. Taehyung saw a canoe he knew he had to try out sooner or later.

 

At one point near the evening Taehyung lay down on a chaise long, looking in the sky above him and counting the stars silently. I was only the first day but he was feeling better already. He heard footsteps coming closer to him, until he saw the producer’s face in front of him.

 

“Uhm, Taehyung-ssi, a staff member of ours will need someone to drive her to the city here in the region. Her family lives there, so we thought you could maybe do that, as we wanted to film a closer look on the other members anyway.”

 

Taehyung had nothing against it.

 

“Sure, why not. Could see the city myself anyway. What could go wrong?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

As Taehyung waited in front of his car, he saw a woman with sunglasses on and a scarf over your head. She looked oddly familiar…

 

“Hey, I’m Haneul, sorry to be bothering you with this”, she bowed down, making Taehyung smile.

 

“Not at all, seeing your folks is never something one should be bothered about.”

 

They get into the car in the front seats as Taehyung set a navigator on his phone and drove away. He looked at the woman again and knew now why she looked like as if he had seen her already.

 

“Did you know that you look like a carbon copy of the one member of Blackpink? Jennie, was it?”

 

Haneul laughed. “Oh yes, I get that told nearly daily. I’m a bit chubbier than her, but a lot of people misrecognize me on the street.”

 

Both of them bonded throughout the drive, getting to know each other a bit. Haneul was an extremely kind and funny woman, talking about her everyday life and much more. Taehyung felt safe in her presence, she had a sort of aura around her that made her look like it. And everything was fine, really, Taehyung felt happy, Haneul laughed every time he dropped a little joke sometimes, until Haneul got fidgety with herself at one point.

 

“You alright?”

 

“Yes, uhm… actually, I’ve worked as staff here for a year already, but I never got the courage to ask you this.”

 

Oh no.

 

“I know, you’re an idol, you need to keep a single image, but uhm… I’ve started this job for you, and I need to ask you if you would like to go on a date with me?”

 

The last part was spoken fast, Taehyung nearly didn’t catch it. He sighed in a deep breath and saw the house they were supposed to go to.

 

“Uhm Haneul-”, he started as he parked in front of the house and killed the engine. There were many options on how to reject her at that moment, but he wanted to go with the truth. He talked to her for the past half hour and all he could detect was kindness.

 

“This will hurt, but let me tell you that this here is not your fault”, he started and turned to her, whom slowly the realization dawned on her face. “I think you are a very kind woman, I don’t know you well yet, but I can tell that. It’s just uhm… I don’t see you that way.”

 

“Well, we can go on a date and then you’ll get to know me better and maybe-”

 

“No, uhm… I don’t think you understand, I uhm… don’t like-”, Taehyung took a deep breath. “I, don’t like women.”

 

Haneul just starred at him. Her confused gaze morphed slowly into disgust.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know I liked a faggot”, she exclaimed and rubbed her hands on her clothes as if he poisoned her. “Oh god, I can’t believe that I liked a fucking fag.”

 

Taehyung felt as if a bullet had repeatedly pierced through his chest over and over again.

 

“Ew, fuck, do you know how disgusting you are?!”, she suddenly started to yell, looking at him with wide eyes. “Coming onto me?”

 

“I didn’t go on to you-”

 

“Oh god you disgusting asshole! With you giving me hope while you were probably sticking your dick in someone else’s man’s ass, you’re an idiot, a moron!”

 

Haneul got out of the door and slammed the door behind her, running into the building. Meanwhile, Taehyung was just starring where she used to sit, contemplating what just had happened. All he knew was that he couldn’t sit there anymore, so he started the engine of the car and started to drive back to the villa.

 

Soon enough he could feel the tears brim his eyes, but the sobs didn’t reach his mouth. At halfway through the road he stopped at the edge of the road, rethinking what had happened. He knew that South Korea was a very conservative country with many homophobic people, but he was hoping that at least his and the younger generation would be different.

 

More tears welled up. Fortunately, he had sunglasses on so nobody could see his rosy cheeks and red eyes.

 

Faggot

 

Disgusting

 

Fag

 

Was he really disgusting?

 

Was he really…

 

Taehyung wiped away his tears and started the car again, driving away. He now knew; he would never come out again, ever. He could only imagine how it’d look like if the press found out. Not only he would suffer from it, but probably also…

 

No, he couldn’t let Jimin feel that as well. He doesn’t want to, he had to protect him from it with all his might.

 

Taehyung suddenly yelled in his car, running his hand through his hair.

 

“Fuck!”, he screamed, repeatedly hitting the steering wheel angrily. He trusted her, and she hurt him. Taehyung was also stupid for trusting someone he just had met.

 

He recollected himself when he saw the villa in sight again. When he got into the driveway their manager was already waiting for him outside. Taehyung sighed; he didn’t have the motivation to listen to that idiot again.

 

“Say Taehyung”, he started when said man went out of the car. “Haneul just called and brought disturbing news.”

 

Taehyung’s breath hitched.

 

“She quit. We asked why and her answer was that she felt uncomfortable in your presence. Now, son…”, he came closer. “I understand that you may feel needy, after all we have been going at this without a break, but you know that you can just ask us if you want a night of pleasure, just don’t get onto poor girls that are already head over heals for you.”

 

Their manager smiled as he clapped Taehyung’s shoulder and walked away. As soon as he was gone, Taehyung let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. He felt like puking after that poor conversation. Pervert.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was in the middle of the night, all the cameras were off and nobody of the staff was walking around in the hallways. Taehyung lay in his bed in his room but couldn’t sleep. He was still replaying what happened in the car earlier. Was this how his life is going to be? People were going to notice the change between him and Jimin sooner or later.

 

He turned in his bed to the side and looked out of the window, which showed directly to lake. It had a sense of calm in it as the Moonlight reflected from its surface, gentle waves disrupting the balance.

 

The door suddenly kreeked open. Taehyung quickly whipped his head and was met by none other than the angel on earth. He had a plain black shirt on and boxer shorts. His hair was dyed again, this time black. Even with the ruined hair he still looked like a stolen art piece from Louvre.

 

“Angel”, it was a nickname that came out automatically when they were alone.

 

“I can’t sleep”, a small fairydust whisper emitted in the silence. Taehyung said a small ‘come here’ and made room on the bed. As Jimin joined him, Taehyung slowly stroked the other’s hair.

 

“You can’t seem to sleep well lately”, Taehyung noticed.

 

“I guess I’m always on edge.”

 

“Why?”, Taehyung asked even though they both knew well why.

 

“It’s just”, Jimin started. “It could happen any second. Any second someone could find out and we’d be dammed forever.”

 

Do you know how disgusting you are?!

 

“It already happened.”

 

Jimin met his eyes in shock.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Today”, Taehyung started. He had to tell him, it was essential for both of them even if it was bad.

 

“When I wasn’t here, I brought one of the staff to her family in the town here. We were having a good time until she asked me out on a date.”

 

Jimin gasped.

 

“Oh god, what did you tell her?”

 

“The truth”, Taehyung sighed. “I said that she seemed like a nice woman but that I was a homosexual man.”

 

There was a small pause before Jimin asked again. “How did she react?”

 

“Bad, really bad.”

 

“Because you didn’t want her?”

 

“No. Because she wanted someone like me.”

 

“Oh Tae”, Jimin snuggled closer, caressing the younger’s naked chest. “What did she say?”

 

Fag

 

“She called me names”, Taehyung started. “Accused me of things I didn’t do.”

 

Disgusting asshole

 

It was the knowingness in the air that made Taehyung sob. They couldn’t continue this, not in this lifetime. Not as idols. Jimin also began to wet Taehyung’s chest, holding onto Taehyung’s arms till it hurt.

 

“I love you, I really do”, Jimin sobbed through the tears.

 

“I know angel, I know”, Taehyung kissed Jimin’s temple. It was a horrible moment for both of them.

 

“No, you don’t understand”, Jimin came up to be on eye level with the other. “I love you. I will always love you sweetheart, no matter what. I may get married in the future, but I would still love you over them. I don’t care about the people, about the press, I just want you.”

 

Taehyung looked at Jimin with all the love he could muster. It was painful to watch how the usually perfect Park Jimin could succumb so easily in his arms.

 

“I can’t let you angel, I can’t let you get hurt because of me. You would fall apart, I couldn’t live with myself. You’re my reason, remember? If you’re miserable, I’m miserable. If you’re hurt, I’m hurt.”

 

“Don’t you understand?”, Jimin climbed on top of him. “I will be miserable without you.”

 

“For a short time, but if you’re with me now curses and doom will follow you forever in your life. I can’t allow you to live like that.”

 

Jimin knew Taehyung was right, but Taehyung also knew that he wouldn’t give up that quickly.

 

“Let me show you how much I love you. At least let me do that.”

 

Taehyung wanted to counter again but was stopped by Jimin’s lips on his. Jimin kissed him with teeth rather than lips, but it didn’t matter. They kissed messily as Jimin held Taehyung’s head, scared that the other might vanish into thin air. The soon aggressive acts turned a lot softer and gentler as Taehyung held Jimin’s hips in place.

 

It wasn’t long before Jimin took of his and Taehyung’s clothes. Both of them kept making out until Jimin took Taehyung’s erection in his hand and slowly sunk down on it.

 

Jimin’s body looked like one of a porcelain doll, so delicate and smooth. His hips and bottom were so curvy that one might mistake him for a woman. Taehyung quickly lowered Jimin’s face to his level and kissed him again.

 

Jimin slowly rocked himself off Taehyung’s hips and slowly down again, setting a slow, smooth pace. It wasn’t anything desperate, them in their moment. They knew this would probably be their last time doing that.

 

Both of their mouths released small moans amidst the silent cries, even though Taehyung felt as if there were no tears left to cry. Jimin buried his face into Taehyung’s neck as the younger slowly thrusted upwards into the other.

 

Jimin was a sight to behold; Taehyung knew that he would never find someone better in his entire life. He could already imagine, him at the altar with a woman that he was arranged with, Jimin as his best man. It would be Taehyung’s biggest nightmare that would become reality.

 

He roamed his hands around Jimin’s body as he got closer, lifting Jimin’s head up from hiding, looking at the beautiful, swollen eyes of the love of his life. He slowly started to jerk Jimin off, making his jaw drop but no noise coming out. Their foreheads were against each other when they climaxed together.

 

They panted as they calmed down from their high, Taehyung pecking Jimin’s forehead. It was their little bubble, their little moment.

 

“You know angel that I will always love you no matter what, right?”, Taehyung asked as he traced his fingertips along Jimin’s spine.

 

“When this is all over”, Jimin started between pants. “When we won’t be idols anymore, I’ll wait for you. We’ll move somewhere away from here and live. You know, like Eros and Psyche?”

 

Taehyung smiled.

 

“That sounds nice. Like a dream.”

 

Jimin propped himself on Taehyung’s chest as he looked into his eyes.

 

“We won’t be friends anymore.”

 

Taehyung chuckled.

 

“Oh no”, he tucked a strand of Jimin’s hair behind his ear. “No we won’t.”

 

They lay in silence as they just starred at each other.

 

“I have no one else but you Taehyung.”

 

The younger pecked his nose.

 

“This will never end Jimin. As long as we are together in one world, we will never end.”

 

Jimin just looked at him as he traced the edge of Taehyung’s jawline.

 

“We’ll be fine. Right?”

 

“We’re a team Jimin. We’re one.”

 

 

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

The blonde man looked at his phone, scrolling through Twitter one last time before deleting it for good. In the past years it did nothing but bring pain to him, so best if he doesn’t look at it at all.

 

“Taehyung-ah”, Namjoon called him as they got ready to shoot the Dynamite video. Taehyung set down his notebook in which he was writing some lyrics for a song he might ask his producer to produce. He looked at the paper again, rereading his last notes;

 

Blue and Grey

 

Where’s my angel

The end of a tiring day

Someone come and save me please

Is overshadowed by a sigh

I guess everyone’s happy

Can you look at me? ‘Cause I am blue and grey

The tears in the mirror reflected mean

My colors hid by the smile, blue and grey

 

Taehyung smiled to himself. He tried to pour in his journey of the last nine months, as people told him that the pain is easiest to move on from, when you write it on a piece of paper. He starred at himself in the mirror one last time before walking to the set. He adjusted his outfit and walked into position of his solo shoot.

 

He adjusted his glasses as he lip synced to the song he had grown to like only a bit. With his disco dance moves he saw the others snicker behind camera. As soon as his part was over Jungkook came to him and clapped him on his back. Taehyung laughed and walked towards the makeup stands again, stilling when he saw a certain someone applying some eyeshadow on his own eyelid.

 

Jimin looked up from the mirror towards Taehyung and shot him a beautiful eye smile that made Taehyung’s world seem suddenly much easier. Jimin stood up and walked towards the other, caressing his cheek.

 

“Blonde suits you”, Jimin mumbled as he tucked a loose strand behind his back.

 

“Not as much as you.”

 

Taehyung looked around if anyone was watching and suddenly kissed Jimin on the lips, making the older gasp.

 

“Taehyung!”, Jimin exclaimed, making the other smile. “Someone could have seen.”

 

I don’t care anymore.

 

“You looked too delicious to resist.”

 

Jimin swatted him on his chest. They weren’t meeting up at night anymore, nor kissing actually, but sometimes it happened that they couldn’t hold it in anymore, like now. They survived, somehow, but they both knew of their love and that was the most important thing of all.

 

“You look better”, Jimin mentioned as he saw Taehyung beaming. Taehyung looked behind him and saw a small, black dog. It didn’t go away, but it grew such a small size Taehyung sometimes forgot it.

 

Taehyung realized that the dog wouldn’t go away, ever probably, but he learned to live with it, especially now that it’s so passive.

 

“Yeah. I feel better”, he took Jimin’s hands in his. “You’re mostly the reason for it.”

 

“Taehyung-ah! Jimin-ah!”, they turned and saw Seokjin calling them for a group shoot. Jimin turned to Taehyung again, tightening his hold.

 

“We’ll do it, right?”

 

Taehyung only smiled as he pecked the backside of Jimin’s hands.

 

“As long as we’re together there will be nothing pulling us apart.

 

 

 

 

 

The end.