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"Edwin!" the demon calls out cheerfully. "Fancy running into you here!"
Charles yanks the holy water canteen out of the bag of tricks in a flash, but Edwin... stops him? "That won't be necessary, Charles." Edwin assumes his tallest most perfect posture and steps forward. "Hello, Sa'al."
"Isn't that—" Charles hisses, but Edwin makes a sharp gesture of quiet and Charles reels himself in, barely. This is the bloody demon who stole Edwin away to Hell in the first place! Charles wants to wring his infernal neck with a rosary just for starters. But Edwin gets to call the shots when Hell's involved, he's the expert.
"Might I inquire as to why you have your foot on our client's head?" Edwin asks politely.
"The old sod realized once you got this mix-up with his will straightened out and he finished up his business, he'd be going straight to Hell, so he tried to get ahead of it. He was hoping to trade you boys in for his freedom," Sa'al says cheerily. "Sorry, fella," the demon jiggles his clawed foot on the client's head, driving the vicious points deeper into the man's skull. Charles tries not to wince visibly, but ugh. "We're under new management. The new bosses won't let demons keep innocent souls, can you believe it?"
"That was always official policy, was it not?" Edwin folds his hands and settles into the closest thing he ever has to a casual conversational stance. What is going on. "Innocent souls were contraband all along, but it is comedy to expect laws to be enforced in Hell."
Edwin may think he has this handled, but Charles can't just stand here listening. Moving slowly, he wraps prayer beads around his hand, digs into the bag of tricks and brings out a super soaker full of holy water to join the canteen hanging from the strap of his backpack.
"We're living in the clown show now, my boy, the new owners really expect us to play by the rules." Sa'al grins with a mouth full of blackened razor teeth. "I can't wait to see how it pans out, to be honest. It's the most excitement we've had since you escaped. Things have been so wild down there, I almost missed that you'd come back!"
"I did not 'come back' as if it were old home week, Bébélith dragged me back," says Edwin. "You remember Bébélith. The spider monster I was traded to, after you traded me away to your friend who thought it was the height of humor to give me stigmata and then have me deliver parcels."
"Oh, come on, that's funny," Sa'al says. "And it didn't take you long to learn the cork trick, did it? You were always quick. Anyway, we put you with Bébélith on purpose, you know. Poor old thing's barely sentient at this point, I knew you'd be able to carve yourself some hidey-holes in the Doll House."
"Oh, I did, thanks awfully," says Edwin. "Sometimes I managed to eke out as much as two whole hours without being hunted and ripped apart."
"See? Knew you'd make the most of it," says Sa'al. "'Course I only thought you'd manage to keep yourself out of trouble in Hell's nooks and crannies, I didn't know you'd make it all the way out! And in just a few decades, well done you! Shouldn't have been possible, you know. Probably it's only because you're innocent that you managed to punch that hole through into Gluttony, it's not like that metaphysical divide between the Doll House and Gluttony is an actual wall."
Edwin stiffens, and Charles readies himself to jump in, but Edwin doesn't sound upset, or even passive-aggressive as he did moments ago. "You knew about that? And you left the escape route open?"
"Sure. You really stirred the pot, you know, sneaking out like that. Luckily everyone was already walking on eggshells around Lucifer then, so no one wanted to tell the dukes who'd tell the princes who'd take it to the top. The news never got further up the chain than Leraikha. Probably doesn't hurt that he always had a bit of a soft spot for you."
"Did he. I suppose I should have spotted that, what with the way he used to shoot me with contaminated arrows every time I had to cross through his territory." Edwin's relaxing into his usual level of waspish annoyance. While talking to the demon who took him to Hell. About getting repeatedly perforated with arrows. Charles is so bloody confused right now.
"You know demons have funny ways of showing attachment," says Sa'al.
"Not just demons," Edwin says sourly. "Actually, perhaps you may have insight on this, Sa'al. What is it about me that inspires boys who like me to show it by sacrificing me to Hell or trapping me in their small towns with magic bracelets or betraying me to their witch mistresses or, apparently, shooting me with gangrenous arrows?"
"That sounds like a story and a half. Magic bracelet?" Sa'al leans in like he's eager for gossip. The ghost under his foot moans as the demon's talons sink deeper into his skull and Sa'al makes a face. "Ugh, but I suppose I'd better get this baggage where he's going. We should catch up, kid, I want to hear about all the trapping and betrayal. For that matter, how'd you find out about Simon? I never wanted to tell you, it seemed so sad. And not the fun torturous kind of sad, just... plain old sad."
"I encountered him during my second sojourn in the Doll House," says Edwin. "We can chat about it later. Shall I summon you, or do you have a portal where we could meet?"
"Edwin," Charles says. When Edwin glances back at him, Charles mouths What the fuck?
"Put away the holy water, kid, that's not nice," Sa'al only now seems to really notice Charles, finally. "Oh, hey! It's Prince Charming, isn't it?" His attention shifts right back to Edwin. "The one who came down to get you?"
"Yes," says Edwin, his voice growing much warmer. "Yes, this is Charles."
"Well, Prince Charming Charles. For future reference, it's not usually that empty in Gluttony and Lust," Sa'al informs him. "When I heard Bébélith fetched back Edwin, here, I grabbed Leraikha and we started a big barney over in Avarice that pulled in all Gluttony and Lust's demons, to give Edwin a chance to sneak out the same way again."
"You helped us," Edwin says, pressing a hand over his heart.
"I helped myself. Otherwise it would have been a whole thing of Bébélith and Focalor trying to hide you from the new management, which they're shit at. So it just would've brought the bosses sniffing around that much faster, and they are unbelievably dull," says Sa'al. "Better for everyone to let that whole hero's journey happen. But sure, I'll take credit. You're welcome."
"Um." Charles looks to Edwin for a cue, but Edwin's just giving him that heartfelt look he had on the steps out of Hell, like he's not even hearing that Charles was apparently redundant. "Thanks."
"Yes, thank you, Sa'al. Although... Bébélith is more aware than you realize, I think," says Edwin, with a quick look to the demon before his gaze returns to Charles. "It knew my escape route and blocked me from it. I don't know how long it would have taken me to find another way if not for Charles."
"I'll always throw bombs at spider demons for you," Charles promises. Any other time he would have just said demons, full stop, but that seems rude to Sa'al, and apparently Charles owes him one?
Today is very confusing.
"Give me a summon later in the week," Sa'al says. "Let's say Thursday night. I'll catch you up on Hell, you can tell me about your terrible taste in men--"
"Oi, it's more like terrible men have taste in him. All that stuff was one-way," Charles feels compelled to put in.
"Either way, I'll bring popcorn," says Sa'al. "All right, cretin, let's get you to Avarice to be crushed under the weight of your sins," he hoists the bastard ghost onto his shoulder and walks down into the floor as if he's descending metaphysical stairs, which for all Charles knows is exactly what's happening. "See you Thursday, kid!"
Edwin waves him off, and pivots to Charles looking pleased and amused. "Well, that was unexpected. And rather lovely, all told," he smiles enough to show his dimples, even. It goes a little sly as he adds, "Did you feel the need to correct him on my terrible taste in men because of my feelings for you?"
"Accuracy is important," Charles quotes Edwin back to himself, complete with accent.
"Very well," says Edwin, unfazed. "Let the record show that regardless of whatever's going on with the men I attract, my own taste is impeccable."
Ghost or not, Charles feels warmed all through by that, and suddenly the moment he's been waiting for feels like it's arrived. "Listen. I think we should break your streak of dodgy guys doing weird things to come on to you. And since I don't have any magic bracelets or arrows on hand—"
Raising an eyebrow, Edwin lifts the strap of the bag of tricks on Charles' shoulder.
"—ah. Yeah. Okay, I do have magic bracelets and arrows. And a demonology book. Bloody hell, all it wants is the witch mistress and I'm as bad as any of them. Can't believe the bag of tricks spoiled my chat-up line."
That sets Edwin back on his heels; he looks like his hand gone tight on the backpack strap is the only thing that stops him staggering back a step. "Chat-up line?"
"I want you to go out with me," Charles says. "And I think you should get the whole experience, yeah? Cheesy chat-up line, awkward first date where nobody knows what to do with their hands, snogging in the board game closet... not sure that one's universal, but I did it when I was fifteen. And we already have the closet."
"Yes," Edwin whispers, staring at him. Swallowing, he regains his voice and repeats, "Yes. To all of it. Can't let the closet go to waste."
"Brills." Charles is probably grinning like a loon, but Edwin doesn't seem to mind. He looks dazzled, actually, when Charles takes his hand and leans in a bit to give him a pre-first-date kiss, chaste but lingering just long enough to stir up the imagination with all the things they could do next time they're close.
Edwin looks at him all smoky and intense... and then he starts to giggle. Actual giggles. Possibly a good thing? Probably not hysteria? Or maybe all the past hour's weirdness is just now catching up to him, and who knows how he's reacting to having a nice cordial catch-up with the demon who whisked him away to Hell?
Charles steps in just that little bit closer to hug him, which he can hope is welcome however this is breaking. Edwin returns the hug, so that seems good. He's still laughing as he draws back, hands settled on Charles' shoulders.
"When I tell Sa'al on Thursday about all those bad experiences and misunderstandings and disasters with boys, and then it comes to a happy ending? He's going to be so disappointed," Edwin beams, dimples back in full effect. "He'll throw his popcorn."
"Popcorn from Hell. Is that going to burn holes in our rug?"
"Probably," Edwin's giggles come back a bit.
Anything that makes Edwin this gleeful is aces with Charles, even if he really, really, really doesn't get it. "Okay. Let it burn," Charles shrugs. "I'll help you clean up."