Chapter Text
I always knew I’d eventually have to hold another funeral for somebody I loved, but as I stared into the flames dancing in Aretia’s burn pit, I really wished today had been the day I died instead. It wasn’t that I wasn’t used to death. Hell, I’d killed people myself before; I’d been the reason another person had to look into Malek’s flames and say this final goodbye. Loss was inevitable, especially as a rider. Death was an old friend. It was part of life. I was used to it. But the fire was so hot, and the pack at my feet was so much heavier than I thought it’d be. And it would be so much easier to just fall in with the bundle of clothes in my arms instead of picking that pack up again.
“I can’t do this.”
I said the words as quietly as I could, as if the night itself would hear me and judge me for saying them. I tried to reason with myself internally when the darkness’s only response was a surprisingly cool breeze. People said goodbye to family members every day. Soleil had gone out fighting, just like she would have wanted. I knew she was with our family now, and she didn’t need the things in this bag or the clothes in my arms anymore. This wasn’t even the hard part, really. The hard part had been watching her body burn when Bearra managed to leave her mate’s side for two minutes to provide the fire. So why was I still hesitating?
Somebody walked up behind me loudly, purposefully crunching gravel underneath their boots to signal their approach. I inhaled deeply and welcomed the smell of leather and cedar that briefly overtook the acrid smoke. “You don’t have to do this by yourself, Seren.”
“She wouldn’t want you to be alone, anyway, Spitfire.” Another large, warm body stopped on my other side as I leaned into Bodhi with a shaky sob. Bodhi wrapped one of his arms around me tight as Garrick set a solid hand on my shoulder. “We’ve got you.”
“It’s not fair.” I whispered to them. “Why’d it have to be her? Fuil was right there. They could have flown… gotten away from the venin…”
“No, they couldn’t have.” Garrick was also watching the flames in front of us, but I felt his eyes when they moved to me. “And I’ve seen that look in your eyes before. It wouldn’t be better if you had died in her place. Don’t think that even for a minute, Seren.”
“So it’s better that my big sister fucking died, Garrick?” I snapped, whirling on him furiously. “Is that what you’re saying?”
“Seren.”
Bodhi said my name so gently that it immediately crushed my desperate attempt to be angry instead of sad. A piece of wood in the fire popped loudly, and I mumbled an apology to Garrick that he waved off. Of course he did. Garrick had been an older brother to me for the past six years. He’d been the one who held me together when my parents and uncle died and I was ripped away from my big sister the first time. He’d gotten me through that even when he was going through so much on his own. He probably knew me even better than my sister herself did. Had. Ever would.
Because Soleil was dead now, too.
“I will fly back for you, my star. I can swoop in and capture you like a sheep.” Bearra’s voice was a cool splash of water that drowned out my newly refreshed despair. Ever since the Blue Morningstartail had chosen to bond me as her rider, she’d had that effect on me and kept me mentally focused more often than not. “I shall be there presently.”
“No, Bearra.” I smiled a little despite my grief, and both Bodhi and Garrick looked reassured by the action. “Thank you.”
“She will be fine without you, Bearra.” Deigh’s rougher Voice pointed out. “And as your mate, I need you more right now.”
“Uh, I was here first.” I snapped, but I wasn’t actually angry with him. His chuff of laughter told me he knew that. “Thanks, guys.”
“Watch over my rider, Bright One.” Deigh responded haughtily. “Mourn later.”
“Bearra, you should have chosen a more sympathetic mate.” I complained, and my dragon’s soft laugh made me smile a little again. “I’ll see you two in the morning, probably.”
“You should be nicer to my rider.” I heard Bearra scolding Deigh as their Voices disappeared and the bond between us went quiet again. Deigh’s command had reminded me of the other things I needed to be doing right now instead of crying my eyes out by this fire. I took a deep, shuddering breath and let the bundle of clothes fall into the burn pit. When I tried to pick up the heavy pack at my feet, though, I almost screamed in pain and dropped it to cradle my left hand against my chest.
“Seren!” Bodhi was there instantly. He gingerly pulled my hand away from my body and cursed when he saw it again. The red, burnt skin – one of the consequences from however I’d managed to bring back Deigh and Liam from literally being dead – was even more irritated now, and the blisters were starting to seep clear liquid. “Princess, I thought you were going to let Brennan look at this…”
“I have to do this first.” I said stubbornly. “And he said he’d go look at Liam while I did, so it worked out in the end.”
He closed his eyes and sighed heavily, like he was keeping himself from scolding me further, and I saw Garrick shake his head out of the corner of my eye. After what I’m sure was a count to five, Bodhi opened his eyes again and carefully rewrapped my hand in a clean bandage he pulled from one of his pockets. He’d obviously assumed I came here instead of going to have my hand looked at even before coming outside to support me. Once my hand was tightly wrapped and mine to move again, I used both hands to pick up my sister’s pack and balanced it on the edge of the massive fire.
“I’ll see you later, Leia.” I said into the flames, praying that Malek would pass on my message to her, and then I let the bag fall. The orange glow around us got brighter and hotter as Soleil’s possessions were eaten and given up to the god of death. Neither Bodhi nor Garrick said anything as they both stepped in a bit closer to me, and I was grateful for their support while I watched until there was nothing left to burn. “Thank you. Both of you.”
“Of course.” Bodhi tugged me against his chest and kissed my forehead before I buried my face into him. “Now, can we please get your hand looked at? You’re the last one to see any kind of healer, and you really should have been one of the first.”
“Says the man with his arm broken in four places.” I nodded at his arm, which was resting in a sling and wrapped up now. I used my right hand to point at Garrick’s face, too. “And the man who looks like he tried to fight a wyvern with his bare hands not knowing they have claws. All I did was pass out, technically, and even if my heart did stop, it was only for like… a couple seconds.”
“At least your attitude is still in one piece.” Garrick teased me. “Come on. Inside. Now.”
“Yes, sir.” I saluted him mockingly and let them lead the way.
Another log popped merrily in the firepit behind us, and I could have sworn I heard Soleil’s laugh distantly as the door to Riorson House shut. I didn’t need anyone to give me directions through the maze of hallways and rooms to get to where Liam was. There was a thread between us – maybe from our dragons’ mating bond, maybe from some other bond we’d built in our lifetime of friendship – that guided me right to his bedside. Somebody had changed him out of his black flight uniform and into a set of light blue pajamas that made his usually bright and cheerful face look pale and washed out. His normally fluffy blond hair was damp from being washed and laid flat against his head. And his beautiful blue eyes were still shut, so his face looked eerily like it had when his heart stopped beating.
That last thought made me freeze mid-step into the room, and only the light touch on my back from Bodhi convinced me to cross the last few feet. The man standing next to Liam said nothing as I numbly walked to my best friend. I slid into the chair next to the bed and reached out tentatively to touch his hand. He didn’t twitch or move in any way, but at least his hand was warm now.
“He’s still asleep.” I stated the obvious and looked up at Brennan Aisereigh – formerly Sorrengail. “I thought you were going to mend him.”
“There isn’t anything more for me to mend.” Brennan pointed out that the cuts and bruises had vanished and shrugged. “We’ll just have to wait and see if he wakes up.”
“When he wakes up.” I corrected the older man sharply. “Not if.”
“We don’t know if he will, Seren.” He didn’t look even slightly fazed by my tone. “Nobody’s been able to tell me what happened, either, so I’m just giving you my unbiased, uninformed thoughts.”
I looked over my shoulder at Garrick and Bodhi. Bodhi was trying to pretend he wasn’t hovering, and Garrick leaned against the wall casually. They both looked back at me blankly. “You guys didn’t tell him anything?”
Garrick shrugged. “All I know is one minute, Chradh told me we’d lost Deigh, and the next thing I knew, Bearra was helping Deigh up while Bodhi tried to save you.”
“His dragon… died?” That certainly got a reaction from Brennan. His face lost all color and he stood a little straighter. “And… you brought him back? Both of them?”
“I don’t actually know.” I admitted. “I just… ugh. It was like my signet had a mind of its own, and I just did what felt natural. It was all kind of a blur.”
“Which is how this happened.” Bodhi gestured pointedly to my hands. I hesitantly let Brennan take them in his and unwrap the left one. His sharp inhale told me enough about what it looked like to him. “Do you think you can mend them?”
“I can try…” He trailed off and looked up at me from my hands. “Your signet did this? What is your signet?”
“I mean, if you’d asked me before, I would have said light manipulation.” I answered. “But now I’m not so sure.”
I gingerly pulled my right hand from his and winced as sparks of pain shot through my fingers before a tiny kernel of light appeared at my fingertips. That little sparkle twinkled merrily at us before I sent it skittering and zipping around my body like a pixie or sprite. While it jumped between my fingers, I also glanced up at the mage lights above us and made them dim and flare a few times. I tried to send that same sparkle of light to my left hand and found it simply stopped at the middle of my forearm. When I tried summoning light directly instead, I was hit with a bolt of pain so intense, I blacked out.
* ~ * ~ *
“I’ve never heard of a signet like that. I don’t even know if it’s possible…”
I groaned as I started to sit up, and the man talking cut his sentence short to help me. It took a few blinks before I recognized Brennan and remembered what happened before I passed out. We’d moved away from Liam’s bed and onto the floor, but from the looks on everyone else’s faces, I hadn’t been out too long.
“Careful, Ren.” Bodhi’s voice came from behind me, and I assumed it was his lap that my head had been resting in when I came to. When I didn’t react to him, his voice pitched up slightly with concern. “Seren? You with us?”
“I’m – yeah – I’m okay.” I patted his hand and quickly pulled my hand back in front of me in shock. My right hand didn’t hurt anymore. It looked almost back to normal, save for a few new scars. I flexed my fingers and rolled my wrist a few times, all pain-free.
Hopeful, I looked at my left hand. As soon as I saw it, though, I grimaced. I could tell that Brennan had tried to use his signet to mend me, but… it hadn’t worked.
“I’m sorry, Seren.” Brennan frowned. “Whatever happened, apparently it’s beyond what my signet can do.”
“You’ve done a lot tonight. Maybe you need a break.” Bodhi pointed out hopefully. He rubbed small circles on my back and helped me onto my feet again as I stared at my ruined hand.
“No, I think you did do something.” I insisted. I lifted my hand and slowly closed it into a fist. That hurt, but I was able to do it at least. “But… I think it’s pretty much fucked. There’s no way I’m going to be able to hold a weapon with this.”
Mangled was a good word to describe the state of my hand. Brennan had managed to restore some movement to it, and it was less blistered and swollen than before. But the dragon scale pattern was still there, and now that looked more like the same kind of thick scars on Deigh’s belly. My skin up to an inch past my wrist was bright red and stung even with the little bit of air from me moving my hand. My power had completely destroyed it.
I tried to summon my signet again, and while it still hurt like a bitch, this time I didn’t pass out from the pain. Even though I could feel my light trying, it was almost like my hand didn’t exist anymore. I couldn’t feel magic pulsing through that part of me anymore, either. Not like I was used to, at least. It was as if the pathways through my left hand had been corrupted and collapsed, and I couldn’t send magic through them anymore.
It was a struggle not to cry when I tried and failed to use simple lesser magic with my left hand, too.
“Fuck.”
“We can worry about that later.” Garrick said. He looked over at the clock on Liam’s desk. “It’s late. It’s been a long day. We should all try to get some sleep.”
“I’m going to stay here with Liam for a little longer, if that’s alright.” I said quietly to Bodhi. His eyes flashed with concern as he thought of all the stupid things I could possibly be planning to do, and I leaned into his side briefly. “I’m not going to try to heal him or anything. I just want to sit with him.”
His brown eyes searched my grey ones for any signs that I was even thinking about doing something stupid, and when he confirmed for himself that I wasn’t, he nodded and kissed me softly. “Okay. I’ll come back in a couple of hours if you’re not in bed with me, though.”
“Deal.” I agreed, and it felt good to have that moment of normalcy. At least my super secret second signet – the forbidden ability to read minds – was still working.
“That signet does not require your hands, after all.” Bearra reminded me. “And before you ask me, no. I do not know why your light signet is not functioning properly.”
“I thought you two were going to sleep or something.” I complained. “Stop butting in.”
“And I thought you were watching over my rider for me.” Deigh countered. “But, then, you went and collapsed.”
“Careful, Deigh.” I warned him teasingly. “I might get the wrong idea and think you actually care about me.”
“Not to interrupt.” Brennan startled me when I realized he hadn’t left with Garrick and Bodhi. He was still standing next to me, amber eyes bright as he quietly observed. “But you should you sit down before you fall again.”
“I’m not going to fall again.” I protested, but I still sank back into the chair. “I thought you guys were leaving.”
“I never said I was.” He said simply.
A few seconds passed where we both just watched each other. I don’t know what he was searching for, but I was trying to find some way through his shields to see what he was thinking. Unfortunately, either his shields were really, really good or my signet wasn’t working quite as well as I thought it was right yet. I turned my attention back to Liam, praying to the gods that he’d wake up soon so I could know he was okay, and I was pretty proud of myself for not jumping when Brennan knelt next to me and took my hands again.
“Will you tell me what happened?”
“I told you the truth earlier.” My shoulders dropped and I chewed on the inside of my cheek. “I don’t know what happened.”
“But you have a theory.”
“Of course I have theory.” I scowled. “It’s just a really shitty theory.”
“Well, let’s hear it.” That was the lieutenant colonel I’d expected him to be. The one I sometimes sent correspondence to from Basgiath. He wasn’t outright ordering me to share my thoughts, but there wasn’t really any room for arguing with that tone.
“I think I might have died.” The temperature in the room plummeted, and I could’ve sworn Liam twitched in his sleep. Brennan’s only reaction was a patient, encouraging nod as he kept examining my hands. “This – what happened to my hands – I think it… might be… the consequences of not.”
Brennan didn’t say anything right away. He looked like he was trying to focus on something I couldn’t see, and I didn’t have the mental or physical energy to try to understand him right now. The seconds stretched further and further between us.
I took advantage of the silence to change the subject. “How is Violet? Do you think she’ll be okay?”
“I hope so.” All at once, Brennan stopped being a revolution leader and transformed into a brother worried about his sister. “I’ve never seen that poison before, and it had already… already… It was already shutting down her brain when you guys got her here. Another half hour? Maybe less? And she wouldn’t have made it.”
“But you were able to mend her.” I tried and failed not to look at my hand or at Liam’s sleeping face. “And you think…?”
“We won’t know if there are any long-term effects until she wakes up.” I didn’t bother pointing out we didn’t know if Violet would wake up at all, either. “Just like with Liam. We won’t know if they’ll have memory problems or motor function or anything until we know.”
“They’ll be okay.” I said with way more confidence than I felt. “They’ll both be okay.”
“I’m sorry about your sister.” My face crumpled instantly, and I had to swallow hard to force away my tears. “I know you have a great support system,” he nodded out to the hall where Garrick and Bodhi had disappeared, “but if there’s anything I can offer you…”
“Thank you.” I shook my head. “Right now, I think I just need some time.”
“Alright.” He rose back to his full height and looked me over one last time. “I will put you under guard if you start getting up to your old mischief. Liam told me stories.”
“Goodnight Lieutenant Colonel.” I drawled, rolling my eyes. His boots clicked against the shiny stone floor on his way out, and as soon as the door shut, I stopped pretending I was okay and let my head fall forward.
Was it really only this morning that we’d arrived here? Had Resson really only been yesterday afternoon? I didn’t know for sure that wyvern were real less than twenty-four hours ago. I had just been sparring with Kieran and Tyler the other day. Liam had been laughing and teasing me at this time two days ago. And now… here we were.
“I don’t know if you can hear me, Li.” I laced my fingers with his and laid my head on his chest. I wanted to cry when I heard the steady beating of his heart, but instead I just squeezed his hand tighter. “But you have to wake up, okay? Xaden’s graduating at the end of this week, and Violet is gonna need you around when we’re second-years. And after everything that happened at Resson. Not to mention, none of us are going to want to deal with their will-they-won’t-they bullshit when it’s long-distance to boot.
“Deigh is waiting for you, too.” I went on, mindlessly babbling and half-praying he really could hear me. “I think not having you around to bother means he’s butting into my head more. Gods, I don’t know how you put up with his snarky ass all the time.”
“I heard that.” The dragon in question snapped, but I just smiled to myself instead of replying. I would put up with Deigh being a snarky ass all day every day if it meant Liam had a chance of surviving. The bond between our little quartet was still there, and that meant there was still hope.
But, if I was being honest, the mental construct I usually grounded myself in had been completely upended after Resson. When I tried to picture it, the ground was unsteady and didn’t feel safe anymore. Even though when I saved Liam and Deigh, I’d felt like I understood my magic, nothing was flowing the way I was used to anymore. The paths that had led to Bearra and Deigh individually were more interconnected than ever, and there was a shadowy film over everything. Even the warmth in that secret world was different.
It was like the sunlight and stability that Liam brought to us was clouded over, and nothing felt exactly right for any of us without him. And even though I wasn’t sure he could hear me, I told Liam all of that. Spilled my guts right out and cried most of the time I did it.
“So you have to wake up soon.” I stubbornly demanded. “Because…” I broke off and sniffled. “Because I need you.”
Part of me hoped that he’d react to that somehow. That maybe me admitting how much I needed Liam and how important he was to me and how lost I felt without him would be the key. But, of course it wasn’t. Liam kept sleeping, and I didn’t bother to stop myself from crying. I cried and cried and begged and pleaded with the universe, but none of it changed the situation.
“Please, Malek,” I whispered out loud to the god of death. “I know I stole him from you, but take me, take my soul instead if you have to. It’s all I have left to give.”