Chapter Text
“It makes the plan to advocate harmony on Paradis Island extremely difficult to execute.”
“But if we were to abandon the path of peace, we'll have no option but to ride on Zeke's conspiracy - we'll have to put our fates in his hands.”
“Fact is, the chances are slim even if we do everything right. And we’ll be in constant danger. But even with that in mind, all we can do is to try our best.”
“Nobody could sleep at night knowing this devil blood was lurking around nearby.”
• ───────────────── •
Hange sighed and closed her eyes as she replayed the conversation from earlier in her mind. It wasn't exactly what she had hoped to hear, but if she was completely honest, deep down she had expected something along those lines. Still, she hadn't anticipated this extent of hostility, and she felt disappointment spreading within her, mingling with a sense of helplessness which wrapped around her shoulders like an iron cloak.
The events of the afternoon had made it abundantly clear that the population of Marley was convinced that they, as Eldians and Subjects of Ymir, were inherently violent, through and through evil. Of course, a certain amount of caution or even aversion had probably been to be expected. It was difficult to develop a new perspective on something or someone when a certain opinion had been drilled into them for their entire life. But she had experienced the state of affairs firsthand, and it appeared that the situation was much worse than she had expected. They didn’t want anything to do with them, and the farther away they were, the better.
They had come with the intention of showing the world that Paradis was seeking peace, that they weren’t the Island Devils they were regarded as. But only half an hour had been enough to destroy the hope Hange had harboured - that this trip could bring about some change - and this realisation hurt a lot. It was like a punch to the face, and it was infuriating. No wonder Eren had disappeared just like that.
Suddenly, she heard the distant sound of a door closing, which slowly pulled her back from her thoughts into reality. She was currently standing on a large, elevated terrace from which, by following a small path bordered by hedges on both sides, one could reach the gardens of the Azumabitos. And if she hadn’t been so deep in thoughts, she definitely would have appreciated the view in front of her. But by the time she had stepped outside, after excusing herself from the others in order to gather her thoughts calmly, she had already been too preoccupied with her own musings, and it was only now that she started to notice the soft rustling of the leaves, the wind occasionally brushing her skin and the faint but sweet smell of flowers.
Hange turned around when the sound of footsteps - ones she probably would recognise anywhere, so familiar had they become over the past few years - grew louder, indicating that it was Levi who was approaching her, wearing his coat but having left his hat inside.
“Any signs from Eren? Did the kids find him?” she asked hopefully, as he came to a halt next to her. But to her disappointment he shook his head, and she let out a sigh. If she wasn’t mistaken - though she wasn’t entirely sure of her sense of time at the moment - Eren must have already been gone for over an hour. What was that boy up to?
“They’ll find him, you can be sure of that. Besides, Mikasa probably has a sixth sense for tracking that brat’s every move. She’ll know where to look.” His voice sounded surprisingly soft, and when she lifted her gaze to him, she could swear she saw the same softness in his eyes. However, she didn’t get a chance to examine it further, as he broke the gaze and instead let his eyes wander over the view in front of them. “Don’t worry too much about it.”
He was probably right. The kids knew Eren well, and would know where to look for him. That was also why they had decided that it would be them who would leave the meeting earlier to look for their friend, while she, Levi and Onyankopon had remained with Lady Azumabito. “I’ll do my best,” she murmured, following his gaze. “But lately, it feels like the only thing I manage to do is worry.”
She heard Levi shift next to her, and from the corner of her eye, she saw that he had turned his head towards her again. But she didn’t dare look at him, knowing with certainty that he would see through her facade immediately. The facade, which over the past months had begun to crumble at a dangerously fast pace and which nowadays she could barely keep up. She didn’t want to sound helpless, but she couldn’t quite hold it back either, so she added in a voice that, to her dismay, sounded very fragile: “Sometimes I wish things were different.”
“What exactly do you mean by that?” Levi asked after a brief moment of silence. There was a slight tilt to his head, encouraging her to continue. She had uttered those words more out of impulse, not really expecting to have to elaborate further. She usually kept her deepest thoughts and struggles to herself - the ones that really troubled her. She could talk about anything, yet she never really let out the things that were tearing her apart deep inside, the burdens weighing on her heart. But over the past few years, those burdens had grown so heavy that it was becoming increasingly difficult for her to keep it together.
Therefore, it was now Hange's turn to pause, sifting through the countless thoughts in her head as she tried to find the right words that would actually make sense. And he gave her all the time she needed, standing patiently beside her, showing no signs of impatience or restlessness.
“When we arrived in Marley, I was full of hope. I truly believed that we could bring about change, that we may be able to convince these people that we mean no harm and that we aren’t the Island Devils they think we are. But…apparently I was believing in something that is unattainable. As things stand now, they’ll probably lock us up before we even get the chance to say a single word. I mean you saw how quickly they jumped to conclusions when they saw that little boy. It was….alarming.”
She turned to him in frustration, the tightness in her chest returning as her pulse quickened. “Tell me, Levi. How are we ever going to convince them? I feel like I’ve been chasing a dream that doesn’t exist, at least not here. And I know I’ve been saying we need to try our best…but we are constantly running into obstacles, and I just don’t know what to do next if nothing comes out of the meeting tomorrow...” She broke off as a lump formed in her throat, and she tried to take a deep breath to steady her shaky nerves. But the air seemed to falter, and she soon found herself gasping for breath again.
During her short speech, Levi had remained silent and continued to do so after she had finished. Yet, the way his eyes had stayed fixed on her face revealed that he had been listening intently - though his neutral expression gave no hint of his thoughts on the matter. She didn't know what to expect from him or his silence; was he irritated by her little emotional outburst, or was he searching for the right words? Would he say anything at all? If she had had the strength, she might have tried to interpret his expression, read his body language, and draw her own conclusions. But she was barely able to keep it together, her breathing still laboured, and she wasn’t eager to have a full-blown breakdown in front of him. So instead, she chose to focus elsewhere and directed her gaze to the left side of his head, where his hair moved gently with each breeze, brushing against the tips of his ears.
Hange hadn’t even noticed that, all along, Levi had been holding a folded piece of clothing draped over his shoulder. But now, he pulled it off and extended his arm to hand it to her. To her surprise, she realised that it was her coat. A bit confused, she took it and put it on - more out of instinct than a conscious decision - and barely managed to murmur a ‘thank you'. Such small gestures of thoughtfulness were quite uncharacteristic for Levi. Sure, he often reminded her of things she usually forgot - like eating, for instance. Or he would reprimand her for not getting enough sleep or for working late into the night. But it was usually just words, not actions, which made this moment particularly special. She appreciated it, though, for it was only when she put on the coat, still slightly warm from his body heat, that she realised how fresh the air outside actually was.
But as if this surprise wasn’t enough, Levi stepped forward, and she could have sworn she heard the words ‘Let’s go for a walk’ come from his mouth, in that exact order, as he offered her his arm. Though she didn’t quite believe it - was she hallucinating, or was this actually happening? Her eyes widened, and her mouth had probably fallen open a little. All she could do is stare at his extended arm, dumbfounded and unable to move.
“You heard me, didn’t you? Aren’t you coming?” he asked, wiggling his arm up and down to emphasise his point. ” But when she still didn’t react, his movements slowed, arm awkwardly hovering in the air.
“That is, unless you’d rather stay here sulking. I’m obviously not going to force you…” His voice trailed off, and though his expression remained impassive, Hange noticed how his eyebrows twitched ever so slightly, a telltale sign that he was either nervous or insecure. Her suspicion was confirmed when he slowly began to withdraw his arm, the movement bringing her back to the moment. Without a second thought, she reached out and clasped his arm, perhaps a bit too firmly, nearly yanking him forward. But she knew that if she hesitated, she might lose the courage to act at all.
“No, no, I…um…I’d love to take a walk.” She cringed at how breathy her voice sounded, but the last thing she wanted was for him to retract the offer. Knowing Levi, this must have taken a lot for him to do, as it was so unlike him. But she truly appreciated the gesture, and the thought of taking a walk with him made her heart trip over itself a little.
To her great relief, Levi nodded silently and, after only a brief hesitation, he adjusted his arm, bending it slightly so that his hand hovered just over his navel. Hange repositioned her hand as well, sliding it up his arm until it was resting comfortably against the inside of his elbow. And then, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, he began to walk slowly, and she followed his lead, just like they had done this many times before.
Their steps soon fell into a leisurely, comfortable rhythm as they walked side by side in easy silence, descending the terrace stairs and stepping onto the small cobblestone path that led towards the garden area of the Azumabito mansion. When they reached a fork in the path, Hange left the choice as to where they should go to him. After a moment’s hesitation, he chose the right path and gently guided her along with him.
At first, she was careful not to encroach too much on his personal space. However, after accidentally bumping her knee against his thigh and receiving no obvious sign of discomfort from him, she began to carefully close the distance between their bodies. With each step, his shoulder was brushing slightly against her upper arm, and even through the fabric of her coat she could feel the heat radiating from his body - a rather pleasant sensation.
Being physically close to him was a completely new experience for Hange. Sure, they had been working side by side for almost ten years now, and their shared history had definitely formed a strong bond between the two of them. Neither of them had specifically said it out loud, but if someone would have asked Hange who her closest friend was, she would say that it was Levi. He had always supported her and been a steadfast presence in her life, especially since she had become the new commander. But his support had always been in his usual Levi fashion: preferring actions to words, and listening calmly rather than speaking much himself. Which, now that she thought about it, was the perfect counterbalance to her jittery, outburst-prone nature. And reading and interpreting his body language and the things he said somehow helped her calm down as well; it brought her out of her head and back to reality and allowed her to gain a clear thought.
But he had always kept his personal space, never ever hugging someone and rarely allowing physical touch. It had always been like that, and she respected it because she respected him - though she sometimes liked to push his boundaries just a little, taking a certain amount of satisfaction when she noticed how the little frown between his eyes deepened as he pulled away from her touch.
She, on the other hand, was and had always been a very touch-oriented person. She liked touching things, examining them to get a feel for them so that she could understand them better. With friends and family, she expressed her affection through touch - a friendly pat on the shoulder, a hug, a gentle brush of fingertips against skin. That’s how she connected with the people around her and developed bonds.
Over the past years, though, she had noticed that Levi didn’t immediately pull away from her touch, allowing her hand to linger on his shoulder or arm for a moment longer before eventually moving away a little - a gesture that she took as a good sign. That he wasn’t uncomfortable around her and might even enjoy her presence. Still, he rarely initiated physical contact and usually remained on the receiving end. That’s why his friendly gesture had surprised her even more.
A friendly gesture between two friends, because that’s what they were, right? …but why did it make her feel so giddy and excited? Her heart had taken a quick yet delightful jump when he had offered her his arm, and whenever she thought about their current physical closeness - her fingers holding onto his arm, feeling the firm muscles beneath his clothes, and their shoulders brushing with every step - her heartbeat picked up. Still, it was just friendship that she felt for him, wasn’t it? At least that’s what it should be…but was it really? Or was she just fooling herself?
Miraculously, her previous worries had faded somewhere into the background, but now she faced a new problem that, while not as dangerous, was just as perplexing and which was sending her thoughts into another spiral again.
Suddenly, Levi cleared his throat, a clear sign that he was about to say something. “No one expects you to know all the answers, Hange. This is an entirely new situation, and no one could ever be fully prepared for it. ”
It took her a few heartbeats to remember what exactly he was referring to, and immediately, the tightness in her chest returned. Of course, there was still that problem. “But they expect me to do something; they want me to solve this conflict. Yet as things stand now, we are far away from a solution. I feel that with every passing day, we are moving farther away from being at peace with Marley. What if I’ve approached this all wrong? Does peace even exist?”
“You’re doing what you believe is right, and that’s what truly matters. You’re trying to make peace and start a dialogue between our nations. That's a big deal, and I think you're not giving yourself enough credit for it.” His voice was firm and certain, as if he were simply stating universally accepted facts, and it stunned her how he could place so much trust in her while she felt she was utterly failing at her job.
Hange ran her free hand through her already tousled hair, frustrated. “But I feel like we’re running out of time. How long will it take until one of the two sides snaps and a war begins? I…I’m afraid I am just not cut out to be a commander. What if I’m leading our nation straight into hell?”
“Don’t let the opinions of other people influence your actions or doubt yourself. Maybe we can’t talk them into believing that we aren’t their enemies. But we can try and show it to them through our actions.” Levi slowly halted his steps and turned to face her; his soft, attentive eyes meeting her restless gaze. Their calmness and confidence seemed to soothe her almost instantly, making Hange feel her buzzing mind gradually start to ease.
“You’re doing a good job as a commander, and there was no chance of being fully prepared for this shit we’re facing. But you’re letting your emotions cloud your judgement. Take a step back, keep an eye on the goal and trust in yourself. I trust in you, we all do.” He nodded, reinforcing his words, and Hange noticed the added emphasis in his gesture. “Besides, you’re not alone in this.” He looked like he wanted to add something else, for she noticed how for a moment, his lips remained slightly parted. But apparently, he decided against it and pressed them together once more, keeping silent.
Levi usually wasn’t a man of many words, but he definitely was a man of the right words. Somehow he had managed to bring some clarity and calmness into her swirling thoughts, and for the first time in days she felt a spark of hope starting to come up which she thought she had lost entirely. His calm, unwavering demeanour felt like a rock in the storm, standing strong amidst the crashing waves. Something she could cling to and lean on when she was getting overwhelmed by her uncertainty. Of course, there still remained many doubts, but the feeling of helplessness had faded, and the weight of her frustration was beginning to lift, being replaced by a flicker of renewed confidence and hope.
“Thank you,” she murmured softly, knowing there were not enough words in the entire world to express the extent of gratefulness she was feeling at that very moment. “Thank you…for everything you just said. I really hope you're right, though - about putting your trust in me, I mean.”
As always, he brushed it off with a nonchalant hum, making it clear that what he had done was no big deal. Sometimes she wondered if he did it because he didn’t like excessive thanks and people making a fuss about it, or if he simply didn’t know how to respond. Yet, in his own special way, he had made things a little easier and more bearable for her through simple actions: he had brought her her coat, offered her his arm for a walk, listened to her patiently and attentively, and even given her advice.
Maybe it was their physical closeness, her hand still clasping his arm, or the fact that they were standing in the middle of a beautiful garden, one she had scarcely paid any attention to, or his eyes, softened by the setting sun as he gazed at her with intense focus. It was most likely a mix of all of those things, of external influences and turbulent emotions deep within her. But at that very moment, she realised that there was no place in the entire world she’d rather be than right there, with him by her side.
But of course, she couldn’t share all of those feelings with him, so she went for one of her typical remarks with which she always tried to lighten the mood, when things got a little too emotional. “And now tell me, how much will this conversation cost me? Will I be able to afford it?” she teased him, a grin on her lips. “You know, you should definitely open a counselling centre for desperate people like me; I believe it could bring you quite a profit.”
At these words, Levi scrunched up his nose. “Tsk, are you crazy? Not in a million years, I’ve got enough on my hands with only you.”
Hange chuckled and gave his shoulder a playful nudge. “Right, right. We don’t want to overwork our poor captain. But still, there has to be some way for me to repay you for this?”
He shook his head. “Just take care of yourself, don't forget to eat and drink, and get enough sleep. To me, that’s worth more than a fortune.” When he noticed her surprised expression, he quickly added: “Means I don’t have to look after you that much.” His eyes wandered to her collar. “Oh, and learn how to tie a tie properly.”
Hange furrowed her brow, her hand drifting up to her collar. “Is it that bad? It looked fine when I got ready. I even checked a book when I tied it; it had drawings and everything.”
“Well, apparently, the book is shit - your tie is loose.” To emphasise his point, Levi reached out with his hand, hooked one finger into the tie and gave it a light tug. She could literally feel how it slackened around her neck, the knot beginning to unravel.
He sighed dramatically and, to her surprise, took a step toward her. “Here, let me fix that.” His gaze flicked up quickly, as if asking for her permission, and Hange nodded silently, for it seemed she had lost the capacity to form proper words the very moment he had stepped right in front of her.
With just a few gentle tugs, her tie came undone, and Levi carefully slid it away from her neck. He took a moment to smooth out the wrinkles that had formed on the dark blue fabric with his thumb, a gesture that looked almost tender. “Can you turn up your collar?”
Again, Hange only nodded and quietly did as he had asked, unable to take her eye off the man in front of her, who was currently caressing her tie. A few moments later, he placed said piece of clothing back around her neck again, making sure that it was positioned snugly before reaching up and folding her collar back down. His fingers accidentally brushed her cheeks in the process, and at the touch, she flinched involuntarily, though only slightly.
“Sorry,” he murmured under his breath, and she quickly shook her head, which led to another involuntary touch. She hadn’t flinched because she didn’t like the sensation - it had been more of a reflex than a conscious decision. Still, it had been an unexpected touch, and the gentleness with which his fingers had brushed her cheek had taken her by surprise. She couldn’t help but wonder, though, how it would feel if he intentionally ran his fingers along her jaw, over her cheeks and eyelids, maybe even the bridge of her nose (although she doubted anyone would ever want to admire her nose, with its hawk-like bend - deep down it had always been one of her insecurities); and then, perhaps, they may wander to the tip of her nose, and down to her…oh gosh.
Realising how embarrassing and ridiculous her train of thoughts had been, her heart sank and she slowly took a very, very deep breath, hoping he wouldn’t notice the blush she could clearly feel creeping up her neck. But to her great relief, Levi had picked up his task again and was currently busy with crossing both ends of her tie on her chest. His hands were working swiftly, every movement precise and purposeful, and she caught herself studying his face, noting every single one of his expressions. How he furrowed his eyebrows as he brought up the longer end of the tie and guided it through the loop around her neck. How he held his breath for a moment when he wrapped it around the knot and how he released it again when he threaded the wide end through the collar loop once more. Another round of wrapping and threading followed before he pressed his index finger against the newly formed knot, the pressure on her chest firm but not exactly unpleasant. One last time, he lifted the long end and guided it through the loop he had been holding in place with his finger, before giving the newly tied necktie a careful tug to secure it neatly against Hange’s collar.
“There. That should hold much better,” he said, his fingers smoothing out any wrinkles in the fabric and then lightly pinching the knot to adjust it, making sure it was perfectly aligned. He didn’t step back, though, and only lowered his hands, but kept his eyes on her tie.
“Thank you,” Hange replied, her voice barely more than a whisper. All this time, Hange had been watching Levi with a mixture of curiosity and enchantment, not daring to say anything or move even a fraction, for she feared she might disrupt his concentration or break the spell of the moment. Despite the fact that her heart had been racing from start to finish, it was nice having him so close, his fingers brushing her chin and his breath tickling her skin. And even now, after he had already finished, he did not immediately step back and remained in her personal space, their shoes touching at the toes; and for a fleeting moment she wondered if he lingered there because he wanted to prolong this moment just a little longer. Because there was no reason for him to stay so close.
His eyes finally flicked upward, catching her own gaze. There was something in the way he was looking at her, something she couldn’t quite pinpoint. But the intensity of it made her stomach flutter in a weird way, like a whirlwind of sensations twisting and turning, and it sent a rush of excitement through her. He didn’t break the gaze right away, and she couldn’t quite believe her eyes when she noticed a faint pink blush on his cheeks. Or was she just imagining it?
But he didn’t give her a chance to examine it closer, as he quickly looked away and turned his head again, letting his hair fall over his brow. Then, he took two steps back, and she could see him fidgeting nervously with his hands, eyes blinking rapidly. The air between them had suddenly shifted, as, with him stepping back, he had popped the bubble that had enraptured them. And now they found themselves back in the real world, facing the awkwardness and almost ridiculousness of the moment they had just shared.
Hange almost felt embarrassed for the thoughts that had been running through her head, which had been dangerously close to what she could only refer to as pining. And he was probably feeling embarrassed too, having allowed himself to step that far into her personal space, something he pretty much never did. But she didn’t want this moment to end like that, tense and awkward. She wanted to bring back the lightness from before, from when they had been walking side by side.
So before she could think too much about it, she reached out again and wrapped her fingers around his upper arm. “Well, now that I look nice and presentable again – all thanks to your great tie-tying skills – we can continue our walk, right?” She tried to sound confident, but she couldn't quite hide the nervousness that carried in her voice.
Levi seemed surprised and remained motionless for a moment. But then he cocked his head, and to her great relief, he eventually nodded. “Sure.” Despite his short but to her very pleasing response, he still didn’t move, so she took that as her cue to lead the way. And that she did. She set off and he followed immediately, falling back into a comfortable rhythm as they walked together, their shoulders brushing against each other like they had before.
Hange shot him a curious look, and she was glad she didn’t detect any signs of discomfort from him. His expression remained as neutral as ever, but there was no crease between his eyebrows, and his lips appeared relaxed and not tense. When she felt the arm she was holding move slightly, she realised he had casually slipped his hand into his pocket. Yes, all signs indicated that he was surprisingly at ease, and only then did she finally allow herself to relax as well and began to take in her surroundings.
They had reached the section of the garden where green plants gave way to colourful flowers, their lush, sweet fragrance lingering in the air. Some flowers grew on full, green bushes that framed the path they walked on, while others climbed up beautifully crafted trellises adorned with intricate and ornamental designs, with the soft light of the setting sun filtering through the leaves.
Hange started to talk again, pointing out every flower she knew, and provided some information about them - which were very likely completely unnecessary to him. But he listened to her patiently, nodding here and there or simply humming in response. And she always pulled him with her when she wanted to step off the path and towards the pleasantly scented flowers, sticking her nose into them and, of course, making sure he smelled them too.
“Don’t you like how they smell?” she asked him excitedly when he straightened up again after what had probably been their twentieth flower. His halfhearted ‘Hmm’ didn’t sound very convincing, and it made her laugh out loud.
“Most of them smell too intense. It makes my nose itch,” he defended himself with a shrug.
“Okay, then which of the flowers did you find looked the most beautiful?”
Levi pursed his lips, a clear sign to her that he was really thinking about her question. She didn’t push him but remained silent, giving him space to let his gaze drift back over all the flowers they had just observed.
Then, he pointed at a plant which wasn’t far away. “Those ones. They weren’t very big, but they still looked nice. I liked the variety of colours.” Hange immediately pulled him towards the said flowers and took a moment to examine them. They did indeed come in a variety of colours, from orange to pink to blue. And their smell was mild and elegant rather than overpowering.
“Asters,” she murmured, “they stand for elegance, daintiness and hope, and are a symbol for love in general. And these blue ones, in particular, are associated with patience and endurance.” She let go of his arm and bent down to plug one of the bluish-purple flowers. “People used to believe they could drive away serpents or ward off evil spirits.” She chuckled, then hesitated before adding: “And some say you need to carry an aster in your pocket to win love.”
For a moment, she simply gazed at the small flower, absent-mindedly rolling its stem between her fingers and watching how the colours seemed to blur together before her eyes. Then, she looked up at Levi again, who had been eying her with careful curiosity.
“By the way, this one goes nicely with your blue-grey eyes,” she remarked matter-of-factly, and when he perked up his eyebrows in surprise at her words, she quickly reached out and tucked the blue flower behind his ear.
“What are you doing?” he protested and tried to reach for the flower, but she quickly swatted his hand away.
“Noo, don’t mess it up.” Hange giggled. “It makes you look magical. Almost fairy-like.” She laughed as his expression shifted from annoyance to exasperation.
“Fairy-like? The fuck are you saying? Did you inhale something weird from these flowers?” He shook his head in disbelief, and the frown between his eyebrows returned.
“Maybe.” Hange giggled again, prompting a sigh from Levi. She playfully nudged his shoulder with hers. “Just think of it as a little gift for earlier.”
He grumbled something unintelligible, something that vaguely sounded like ‘Just learn how to tie a tie property’, but she chose to ignore it.
As soon as they resumed their walk, Levi removed the flower from behind his ear. However, instead of throwing it away, Hange could see from the corner of her eye that he carefully slipped it into the pocket of his coat. This small gesture made her heart flutter, especially since he had done it in secret and she had caught it. It might have been insignificant to him, but to her it somehow felt quite meaningful. A soft smile touched her lips as she gently tightened the grip on his arm. Yes, asters might have just become her favourite flowers.
