Chapter Text
the heathers
Sat Jan 6
lily (9:23 PM)
See something you like Rem??
I knew we made the right decision by forcing him to come to kingsley's party
dorcas (9:24 PM)
bitch has been eye fucking a certain black haired lead singer for the WHOLE NIGHT
remus (9:26 PM)
No I haven't what the fuck are you both talking about
dorcas (9:27 PM)
Lils are you hearing what im hearing
lily (9:28 PM)
Yes I definitely am cas
INCORRECT GRAMMAR!? RUN-ON SENTENCES??
remus (9:29 PM)
We're texting so I think the only thing you two are "hearing" is the guitar solo or the delusions in your minds
lily (9:30 PM)
HA look at you deflecting us
You saucy little tart
remus (9:32 PM)
Lily please never use the word "saucy" again or else I will throw up on you
dorcas (9:33 PM)
Ok but do that after you snog sirius black's face off
lily (9:35 PM)
AWW look at him
dorcas (9:35 PM)
all chuffed to bits and flustered...
remus (9:38 PM)
PISS OFF CAS
I'M NEITHER CHUFFED NOR FLUSTERED
lily (9:39 PM)
Soo care to explain why you immediately blushed and downed a whole shot???
remus (9:40 PM)
There's this phenomenon that happens to the human body called "dehydration"
dorcas (9:41 PM)
I'm pretty sure it's called a stiffy
lily (9:41 PM)
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHALISHSKS DORCAS
Helppppp I'm so drunk right now
remus (9:42 PM)
I'm going to go die
dorcas (9:43 PM)
if you mean "die" by going to get your end off with Black then go ahead babes X
lily (9:44 PM)
Have fun Remmy and use a condom <3
remus (9:45 PM)
I will
dorcas (9:46 PM)r
wait
what
REM???????????SLAJKA LILY HLEP WHAT???
lily (9:47 PM)
OMG REMUS WHERE DID YIU GO????? THE LAST SONG JUSTG ENDED
dorcas (9:48 PM)
REMUS IF YOURE ON YOUR WAY TO SHAG BLACK RIGHT NOW SAY NOTHING
remus (9:51 PM)
Nothing
dorcas (9:52 PM)
ALJSLKFDSSAA LILS JUST FELL OFF HER BARSTOOL
3 brain cells
Sat Jan 6
prongs (9:59 PM)
I think i just found THE ONE
wormtail (10:01 PM)
james you find "THE ONE" every 2 days
prongs (10:02 PM)
No no no peter my lad
she's actually THE ONE
wormtail (10:02 PM)
oh god
let me guess she fell off her bar stool or something and you caught her with your football reflexes
prongs (10:02 PM)
Wormtail what the fuck
are you a psychic or something???? what the flipping fuck
wormtail (10:03 PM)
nah mate I just know you and all the ridiculous wattpad scenarios youre somehow involved in
prongs (10:04 PM)
She had green eyes and the longest dark red hair and she looked like someone from a perfume ad mate. I'm not even kidding. She was so beautiful I thought I had stepped into a dream.
Omg wait you read Wattpad?
wormtail (10:04 PM)
FUCK OFF NO I DON'T
prongs (10:05 PM)
Now now Peter
That seemed a bit too defensive, don't you think
wormtail (10:06 PM)
cheers and goodbye!
prongs (10:06 PM)
NOOOO DON'T
You haven't heard my story yet
wormtail (10:07 PM)
where the fuck is Padfoot
Sirius you have to deal with this too yknow
prongs (10:08 PM)
RUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But yeah I can't find Pads anywhere
He told me he was gonna go get a drink right after the song ended but he disappeared
Also you were fucking bonkers on the drums mate. I forgot to tell you right after the show but you were amazing
wormtail (10:11 PM)
Have you checked the wings space
thanks m8 you make an epic guitarist as well
I'm beginning to think this band thing is actually gonna work
prongs (10:12 PM)
Yup
Look at us getting gigs everywhere
Not to mention the whole fan club we got going on
Haven't checked it yet!!
wormtail (10:16 PM)
so grateful for kingsley letting us play at his legendary studio partiesMY FUCKING EYESS AJKDDKSLA
prongs (10:17 PM)
What
Lmfao
wormtail (10:20 PM)
SIRIUS IS SHAGGING SOMEONE IN THE FUCKING WINGS SPACE
prongs (10:21 PM)
WORMTAIL YOU POOR THING
ALSO THATS FUCKING GROSS SIRIUS DONT GET IT ON MY GUITAR
wormtail (10:22 PM)
this is so typical sirius
i'm gonna be scarred forever prongs
prongs (10:23 PM)
Now you know how it felt for me when I walked in on him shagging Emmeline Vance back in our secondary school dorm
wormtail (10:24 PM)
how could I forget
you were stammering and shaking and gaping I literally thought someone had died
prongs (10:25 PM)
My PURITY had died just seeing black's bare arse and some random girl grabbing it
padfoot (10:26 PM)
OI
I'll have you know that everyone who has the chance of seeing my bare arse is blessed
prongs (10:27 PM)
PADFOOT????
thought you were mid shag
padfoot (10:28 PM)
multitasking is my passion
wormtail (10:29 PM)
of fucking course it is isn't it
ride or die bitches
Sat Jan 6
mary (10:41 PM)
babes you really said fuck subtlety I'm gonna keep staring at her with big gay eyes
marlene (10:44 PM)
I CANT HELP IT?????
HER LOCS AND HER EYELAHSES
IVE NEVER SEEN ANYTING MORE PERFCETE
WHY DIDNT YOU INTORDUCE ME SOONER
ALSO LILY IS SO SWEET WE'RE GONNA BECOME THE HOTTEST GIRL GROUP
mary (10:46 PM)
FR THOUGHHH SEXIEST QUADRUPLET EVER
also how was I supposed to know that you'd get the hots for my gal pal from English?????????
I'm pretty clueless tho remember that time I thought you fancied sirius
marlene (10:47 PM)
LMAOOO that was the peak of our friendship
mary (10:48 PM)
you were all like "bitch I'm gay" and I started crying my YSL mascara off. Worst night ever I was so utterly daft
marlene (10:49 PM)
I love u Mary
mary (10:50 PM)
I love you too bitch
you're my soulmate
marlene (10:51 PM)
stop it before I start crying
all this whisky is making me very sentitmental
mary (10:52 PM)
Tits
I know you love tits
marlene (10:53 PM)
Yeahahhhhhhh dorcas's tits are so pretty
mary (10:54 PM)
They really are aren't they
marlene (10:55 PM)
Oi quit talking about my future gf's tits
mary (10:56 PM)
MARLS DORCAS IS COMING YOUR WAY!!!!!!
marlene (10:57 PM)
fuckfuck sht
mary (10:58 PM)
LMAO YOU LOOK LIKE YOU SWALLOWED A TURNIP
marlene (11:00 PM)
SOME WINGWOMAN YOU ARE
SHE JUST ASKED ME FOR MY NUMEBR?????????????
mary (11:01 PM)
COME HERE RN AND TELL ME EXACTLY. WHAT SHE SAID