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Lee Sohee is in a bit of a predicament.
Or… actually, more of a huge predicament.
At only 20 years old, he’s already made what’s sure to be the biggest mistake of his entire life, and is currently being forced to pay the consequences for it.
Here’s the thing: against all odds and after almost fourteen years of friendship, he’s managed to massively fuck up his peace of mind by falling for his best friend.
It’s annoying and cliché and very, very inconvenient, seeing as Seunghan is the one person he goes to for literally everything: comfort, entertainment, advice; you name it.
To understand how this even happened in the first place, we need to think back to the beginning, though it’s actually kind of impossible to perceive a time when Sohee and Seunghan weren’t a unit, as they’ve come as a package deal for what feels like ages at this point.
They met at only six years old on the first day of second grade, when an overexcited Hong Seunghan had grabbed onto the cutest little personification of sunshine he’d ever seen (his words, not Sohee’s) and never let go again.
Soon enough they became inseparable, as their parents joked not even a couple weeks into the semester that if you needed to find Seunghan in the playground, you had to spot Sohee first and vice versa.
They grew up together as best friends and each other’s support system throughout the years, and when they were fifteen, Sohee came out to Seunghan after months of thinking it through over and over and fearing his best friend’s reaction more than his own parents’.
Of course he’d been insanely loving and supportive, instantly squashing any and every worry he had of being alienated over his sexuality with a bone crushing hug.
Plus, Seunghan actually ended up coming out as bisexual a couple years later, so Sohee’s concerns had all been unfounded either way.
Enrolling into the same university –an arts focused one, as they both knew that music and dance were respectively the only things they had genuine interest in doing for the rest of their lives– had been a no-brainer, and they’d formed a steady group of friends by the end of their first year.
Seunghan introduced Sohee to Eunseok, Shotaro and Sungchan, who he met at Modern Dance class, and in turn Sohee had brought along Wonbin and Chanyoung, who he became acquainted with in Music Theory class and a Classical Music elective respectively.
The latter is actually a year younger than him and Seunghan, but got to take a few university classes early because he’s a literal music prodigy.
To sum it up, Sohee and Seunghan are as close as can be. For the past fourteen years, their bond has been a fixed constant in each of their lives, a meaningful certainty that’s never once loosened or changed.
Until about three months ago, when the two of them had been in his dorm room watching an old Disney movie that Sohee had never seen before, a fact which Seunghan found absolutely atrocious, and his best friend had started dramatically singing along to the main character of the film.
Sohee remembers noticing the way the light from the TV illuminated his friend’s face and Seunghan’s big goofy smile as he pretended to serenade him.
The best way to explain the feeling he got would be his stomach flipping in on itself and his heart beating wildly as if it wanted to pop right out of his chest.
At first, he tried to convince himself that it was just a bad case of indigestion.
But then it happened again. And again. And again. Whenever he hung out with Seunghan, or talked with him on the phone, or even just thought about him.
At that point he’d been forced to accept it: he was in love.
Sohee cannot for the life of him understand why, now that they are both grown up and perfectly content with the safe, steady bond they’ve formed throughout the years, he’s gone and fucked it all up by falling for Seunghan.
Seunghan, who protected him from the mean kids who bothered him over his spiky hair in middle school. Who patiently taught him how to dance properly when he still moved like had two left feet. Who was the first person to seriously believe in his singing abilities and pushed him to follow his passion.
Seunghan, who doesn’t love him back.
“There’s no fucking way the guy’s over 6 feet tall”, someone’s loud remark interrupts his somber thoughts.
He focuses back on real life to be met with the sound of his friends’ noisy chatter coupled with the Rainbow Road theme music playing in the background.
Their group of seven is currently gathered at Shotaro’s apartment for one of their game nights, either lying down on the couch or sitting on the floor as they take turns racing each other on Mario Kart.
“Okay, maybe not over 6 feet, but he’s definitely at least 5”11!”, Seunghan replies from his spot next to Sohee on the couch.
They’re talking about Park Jisung, the current object of his best friend’s affection.
The man so far sounds like Seunghan’s perfect match. He’s a year older than the two of them, introverted but incredibly friendly, apparently freakishly handsome, taller than even Seunghan himself, and to top it all off: he’s a dancer.
They met two weeks ago, on a Tuesday where the library had been absolutely packed with students, and Jisung had come up to the table Seunghan was studying at, wondering if he could take the seat next to him. They eventually started talking and they’ve been texting nonstop since then.
And this is precisely why Sohee believes that the universe is punishing him by forcing him to watch the love of his life fall for someone else.
He’s pretty sure he disturbed the regular order of the cosmos by developing feelings, and this is its way of correcting things.
“If he’s so great, why haven’t you asked him out yet?”, Eunseok deadpans without looking away from the TV screen as he throws a red shell that crushes directly into Wonbin’s kart.
“Yah! Hyung, stop doing that!”, said boy whines out in protest.
“Sucks to suck”, is the response he gets.
Seunghan only huffs at Eunseok’s comment and turns to Sohee, widening his dark doe eyes. “Ttori, what do you think? Do you agree that I should ask Jisung out?”
Sohee literally feels his stomach twist into a knot at the mere thought of Seunghan dating the guy, but externally all he can do is shrug and say: “Why not? From what you’ve told us, you two get along pretty well”.
His best friend frowns cutely at that before resting his head on Sohee’s shoulder.
Donkey Kong does a dance of celebration as Eunseok beats Wonbin in yet another race.
Chanyoung, who’s all but sprawled out on the floor with his head resting on Sungchan’s lap, sits up to chime in on the conversation. “Seunghan hyung, have you and Park Jisung even seen each other in person since you started talking?”
Seunghan shakes his head without raising it from Sohee’s shoulder, signaling a negative response. That prompts Chanyoung to scoff in disbelief.
“Wow, you really have no game”, he teases, to which Seunghan whines out in protest before grabbing the nearest pillow and throwing it directly to his face.
Their younger friend effortlessly grabs it before it can hit him and laughs. “Anyways, I was thinking that we could go to this semester’s fair. I heard from some classmates that the school is going all out this year”.
Their university organizes a fair in the middle of every first semester, to cheer on the students and motivate them to keep studying. Or at least that’s what Sohee thinks he heard them explain during induction week.
A couple of their friends (Eunseok and Wonbin) groan in disapproval while the resident extroverts (Sungchan and Shotaro) seem to like the idea of playing around and trying out the fair games.
Sohee quietly ponders on the proposition. He and Seunghan didn’t go last year because they decided to stay at the dorms to binge-watch a drama they were obsessed with at the time, so it could be fun to see how the event goes.
Just then, said boy grabs his hand and starts mindlessly playing with his fingers, eliciting a full-body shiver that he struggles to cover up by accommodating on the couch.
Because it’s nothing new, really. They’ve known each other for so long that Sohee has grown accustomed to his best friend’s touchy personality. Still, that doesn’t stop his heart from going haywire in his chest.
“That’s the perfect opportunity! Seunghan-ah, you should tell Park Jisung to meet you there”, Sungchan suggests from his spot on the floor. “It can be you guys’ first date!”
His friend goes red next to him, and Sohee feels like dying.
He looks down at their hands and focuses on the way Seunghan grabs his middle finger and bends it weirdly.
“Speaking of dates… Sohee, did you ever talk to Kim Taerae again?”, Shotaro asks literally out of nowhere, interrupting the conversation.
Sohee looks up to send him a glare. His hyung is totally teasing him by bringing up Kim Taerae, who he hooked up with at a party in the beginning of the year, went on a single date with afterwards and then literally never spoke to again.
Before he can say anything, Seunghan scoffs loudly beside him.
“Of course he hasn’t talked to him. It’s a mystery to me why he even entertained the guy in the first place”, he replies to Shotaro in a snarky tone.
Yeah. Back at the party, his best friend had made it very clear that he disapproved of Sohee’s decision to hook up with the guy ‘for no reason’. When Sohee replied that he actually thought Taerae was quite handsome, Seunghan had only rolled his eyes and walked away.
He’s always been weird about Sohee hooking up (which is a rare –as in abysmally rare– occurrence) or crushing on people. His reasoning is that, according to him, Sohee’s too pure for this world and way out of every man’s league, which translates into him disapproving of every single guy Sohee has ever had the hots for.
In contrast to Seunghan's odd behavior, Sohee has always been supportive of his best friend’s love ventures, even if he’s a serial dater.
It’s not like he’s an outright whore, but he does have a tendency of giving most people who show interest in him a chance. And there’s been a lot of them.
Sohee can’t blame them; Seunghan isn’t only the hottest man ever (yes, he may be biased), he’s also incredibly funny and smart, friendly to anyone despite his shyness and just overall a really great guy, so it’s been obvious to him since at least middle school that a flock of people will always rush to seek him out wherever he goes.
This had never been a problem for Sohee in the past. In fact, he’d usually be greatly entertained by Seunghan’s stories about failed dates and desperate classmates trying to woo him and failing miserably, and the occasional girl or boy who actually managed to catch his eye.
He was always ready to support him whenever he started a new fling, help him out however he could and then be there to comfort him when things eventually went south.
Because the thing about his flings is that they’re all incredibly short-lived and Seunghan is always the one to call it quits. Like, every single time. Sohee’s heard all kinds of excuses: ‘he didn’t give me enough attention’, ‘her schedule and mine didn’t match’ and even ‘he was too nice’ once.
That doesn’t stop him from winding up all sad and dejected whenever one of his situationships –as Chanyoung often calls them– ends, but at least he’s never the one getting dumped.
It seems like nothing and no one ever seems to satisfy Seunghan romantically, and as hard as he’s tried to understand his best friend’s reasoning, at this point Sohee has chosen to just accept him as he is and console him to the best of his abilities.
They used to joke that Seunghan’s extensive love life makes up for the absolute absence of his own. It’s been part of their dynamic since forever, and it used to work out perfectly for them.
But that’s obviously all over now that his stupid feelings are in the way, and Sohee’s found himself running out of excuses to avoid hearing about his best friend’s latest romantic endeavors without seeming like an asshole.
“It was just a hookup, what does it matter? Taerae’s a cool guy”, Wonbin interjects in his defense.
“Whatever. They haven’t talked again, right Sohee?”, Seunghan concludes and sends him a pointed look, waiting for his answer.
“Nope, not at all”, Sohee confirms.
Shotaro sends him an inquisitive look, and for a second Sohee questions whether his hyung somehow figured him out, which wouldn’t be all that surprising given that he’s always been the most observant out of all of them, but the moment is cut short by Eunseok asking who wants to play against him next.
Sungchan takes the challenge and everybody hollers, excited to witness what will probably be the most exciting race of the evening due to his hyungs’ competitiveness.
They’re all immersed in the race when Seunghan suddenly squeezes his hand. “Hey, you actually want to go to the school fair, right?”, he asks softly.
Sohee shrugs. “Sure, sounds like it might be fun”, he replies. He takes a breath, preparing himself to say something he absolutely doesn’t mean. “You better ask Park Jisung to go, I wanna meet the boy who’s got you all love-struck”.
Fuck if that sentence doesn’t literally pierce through his heart. But above anything else, he’s Seunghan’s best friend, so he’s determined to shove his feelings back to the very pit of his stomach and act like going through the usual routine of supporting whatever fling he’s currently involved in doesn’t kill him inside.
Seunghan stares at him for a second and opens his mouth like he wants to say something, but ultimately shuts it and only nods a little.
And it’s settled. They’re all going to the fair, where Sohee will finally meet Jisung, who Seunghan is probably gonna start dating soon.
And Sohee will have to sit there and watch it all unfold in front of him.
Like he said: cosmic punishment.
Two weeks after game night, the seven of them find themselves at the fair a few blocks away from campus, in a field that their university usually rents for events like this one.
They manage to arrive as a unit, but very quickly dissolve into smaller groups: Shotaro immediately shrieks when he sees a vending machine full of Pokemon plushies, dragging an accepting Wonbin over there to play with him. Sungchan and Chanyoung go to check out the food stands, while Eunseok meets up with a friend from class and stays behind talking to him.
That leaves him and Seunghan by themselves, which is honestly nothing new.
They walk further into the fair, with his best friend’s arm hanging around Sohee’s shoulders as they both look around the stands.
He doesn’t want to bring the topic up, but he figures it's easier to just do it at once, like ripping a bandaid off.
“So, are you nervous to see Jisung?”, he asks in what’s supposed to be a light teasing tone, but falls flat even to his own ears.
Seunghan, who was apparently deep in thought, blinks rapidly as he processes the question. “Huh? Oh, yeah, it’s a little nerve racking knowing that you’re meeting him”.
Sohee knows what he means. After being best friends for so long, it’s obvious that they both expect the other’s approval for things like these.
While Seunghan has never been especially supportive of his flings, he’s also never been outright opposed to them, and Sohee knows that if he ever were to actually date someone, Seunghan would take it more seriously as the amazing best friend he is and actually give them a chance.
So now he has to do the same.
“It’s gonna be fine, he sounds like a cool dude”, he reassures his friend.
But Seunghan doesn’t pay him any mind, ignoring him in favor of stopping dead in his tracks. He halts Sohee along with him and points towards a stand a few feet away from them.
“Look, Tori, it’s your family!”, he exclaims cheerfully, prompting him to look over as well.
It’s a fishing game, except inside the plastic pool there aren’t any fish but a bunch of ducks. Shiny, yellow plastic ducks.
Sohee huffs a little, even if he should be used to Seunghan insisting that he resembles the aquatic animal after all these years.
He lets his best friend drag him along as he approaches the stand and buys a ticket to play. “I’m gonna get you a prize”, he declares confidently.
“You don’t even know what they are”, Sohee feigns an annoyed tone, but he’s actually excited to see how Seunghan does in the game. He knows his best friend can tell, because he sends a big smile his way before he’s given a fishnet by the guy running the stand.
“Okay, you have ten seconds to fish as many rubber ducks as you can. Pick them up and leave them on the containers right in front of you”, the guy explains, pointing towards said containers.
“Each one of them has a number underneath it. You get a prize from the small, medium or big tier depending on how much the sum of the numbers under all of your ducks adds up to”.
They look over to a shelf behind the man filled with plushies of different designs and colors.
“Is there a minimum? How much does one have to fish to get a prize from the small tier?”, Sohee asks him.
“You need at least fifty. Try to grab as many as you can, some of them only have a number one”, the guy warns Seunghan before moving back and letting Seunghan near the pool. “Your time starts… now!”
He immediately sets to fish the plastic ducks, his technique flawless as he rapidly picks up a bunch and sets them aside to grab some more. Sohee starts involuntarily bouncing on his feet from excitement.
“Oooh, you’re good at this”, Sohee hypes his friend up. “Fighting, fighting!”, he yells with both hands around his mouth.
Seunghan smiles but he doesn’t lose focus in the slightest, fishing until the very last second.
By the time the guy is shouting “Time’s up!”, he’s got a decent amount of ducks stacked on the containers.
Sohee comes closer as the man starts counting. Once he reaches the fifty mark, he grabs onto Seunghan’s arm excitedly, who in turn sets his hand on top of Sohee’s and grabs it tightly, both of them wide eyed and expectant.
“And… sixty five!”, the guy finishes counting. The two friends stare at him, waiting to find out what that means. “You can either choose two prizes from the small batch or a medium sized one”.
The two of them holler enthusiastically, with Seunghan even grabbing Sohee and spinning him around in elation. Sohee can only laugh uncontrollably as he allows his best friend to relish the victory.
The guy working the stand watches them goof around in wonder.
Once Seunghan finally puts him down, they start deciding which prizes they’re going to choose.
His friend goes for the obvious option, immediately grabbing a duck keychain and cooing at it. Sohee has to admit it’s cute, dressed in a red jumper and sporting what looks to be a helmet over its head.
“I’m taking this one”, he announces as he turns towards Sohee. “And I’m naming it Ttori. It looks just like you!”, he explains with a toothy smile, hugging the keychain close.
Sohee can’t help the smile taking over his face as he shakes his head at his friend’s antics.
As he keeps searching for his own pick, he suddenly spots a keychain of a cat that has an adorable angry expression on his face and both paws on his hips, hanging at the very back of the shelf.
It’s so incredibly cute that Sohee can’t resist it, choosing it without even looking at the other designs.
“I want this one”, Sohee says as he grabs the keychain.
They thank the guy working the stand and walk out, the both of them showing each other the keychain they picked out and talking animatedly.
“Where are you gonna save it for now? I really don’t want to drop it!”, Seunghan tells him, and Sohee can tell that he’s still running on the adrenaline from the game.
“Let’s hang it right here”, he says as he buckles the black cat keychain into his jeans’ belt loop.
Seunghan copies his movement and buckles the duck keychain into his own pants, exaggeratedly shaking his hips to show it off. Sohee smiles as he watches him, until suddenly Seunghan spots something behind him and halts his movements.
“Oh, there’s Jisung”, he points out.
Sohee considers teasing him, but despite Sunghan’s earlier words he doesn’t actually seem that nervous, so he settles on reassuring him: “You look great, don’t worry too much”.
Seunghan’s face softens as he smiles at his words of encouragement, and that’s when two guys appear in his peripheral vision.
Sohee recognizes Park Jisung immediately, looking exactly the part Seunghan described with his freakishly tall frame and big doe eyes. He has to stop himself from frowning like a little kid at the realization that the guy’s both crazy handsome and quite literally the exact opposite of himself in terms of visuals.
The other boy is a normal height (not much shorter than Sohee himself) and looks incredibly cozy in a big purple jumper that covers his entire frame.
“Hey, Seunghan-ah, I was looking for you”, Jisung speaks in an annoyingly charming deep voice.
His best friend smiles apologetically at his words. “Hey hyung, sorry, got a little carried away fishing some ducks”, Jisung raises his eyebrows, clearly amused. Seunghan points towards him. “This is Lee Sohee, my best friend since… well, forever”.
Sohee bows a little, which prompts the two men to bow back. “Nice to meet you! This is also a long-time friend, Huang Renjun”, Jisung introduces while pointing towards the boy standing by his side, who smiles warmly.
At that moment, a loud male voice coming from a huge speaker nearby advertises the opening of the high striker, calling on everyone to test their strength and announcing that the winner will get a Crayon Shin Chan collection, full of unseen merch and freebies.
Sohee immediately turns to Seunghan, knowing that his friend is a lifelong fan of the show and its characters, and finds him already looking at him wide eyed and fidgety, clearly wanting to go try his luck as soon as possible.
Jisung apparently also notices Seunghan’s excitement, as he speaks before Sohee can. “You’re a fan, right? I noticed your phone case”, he points out softly. “Wanna go test our strength and see if we can get that collection?”
Seunghan starts to literally bounce on his feet at the prospect of getting his hands on all that new merch, and Sohee decides that this is the perfect moment to show how much of a great friend he can be.
“Great idea! You guys should totally go do that”, he gestures to the two of them dumbly.
Seunghan’s face immediately morphs into a frown as he starts to shake his head in disapproval.
Sohee knows that his friend doesn’t want to leave him all alone with someone he literally just met, but he’s not about to let Seunghan miss the chance to hang out with a guy he likes just because he thinks he has to take care of his introverted ass.
He spots a line of people already forming at the high striker and panics.
“Quick, go before the line gets too long!”, he practically shoos at Park Jisung.
The man smiles obliviously and sets a hand on Seunghan's lower back with a question in his eyes. Seunghan looks his way, nods a little and then discreetly turns to send Sohee an angry glare, but doesn’t put up a fight when Jisung leads him away.
Sohee observes them walk away together as an ugly feeling burns inside him. Something that feels a lot like jealousy and bitterness and yearning. All at once.
“So, I’m guessing you’re on best friend slash wingman duties too”, someone next to him suddenly speaks, breaking him out of his trance.
He looks over to find Jisung’s friend smiling at him.
“You could say that”, he replies awkwardly.
“Should we go check out the rest of the fair? I think those two will be fine on their own”, the guy suggests kindly while gesturing towards Jisung and Seunghan, who chatter as they stand already in the line.
They have a pretty big number of people lined up in front of them, so Sohee agrees that it’s best to let them have some time for themselves.
He agrees with the suggestion and the two of them start heading off towards the opposite direction. He walks with his hands in his pockets, letting the other boy lead the way while racking his brain for a topic of conversation.
Thankfully, Renjun seems to notice his inner turmoil and speaks up first.
“Tell me about you, Lee Sohee-ssi. What’s your major?”
Sohee hesitates for a second, never one to voluntarily share much about himself with strangers, but since it’s just the two of them now he figures he’s sort of forced to socialize, so he starts talking.
“Oh, please drop the formalities. Just Sohee’s fine. Um… I major in Music Composition”, he starts, and when Renjun makes an interested noise and nods his head a little to prompt him to elaborate, he keeps talking. “I've loved music and singing since I was really young, but I never really thought about making, like, a career out of it until I got older and realized there was nothing else I felt as passionate about.
I wasn’t completely sure about whether it was a good decision… because of how it might play out in the future as a profession, you know? But when Seunghan decided that he was going to major in Dance, I feel like that finally gave me the push to go for it, knowing that we were both in it together”.
He involuntarily blushes a little, feeling exposed at talking about something so personal and important to him. Renjun hums.
“It’s great that you chose to pursue something you’re actually passionate about”, he comments softly. Sohee doesn’t know if it’s his tone or the way he worded it, but he sounds incredibly genuine.
“Like you said, people are usually scared to go for artistic career paths given the uncertainty of how they might translate as actual jobs. Doesn’t help that their environment is usually apprehensive about it too. I recently read that parents tend to be more supportive of teenagers going for professional sports careers than artistic ones, which I found really interesting”.
Sohee raises his eyebrows, impressed at both the fact shared and at how smart Renjun sounded while sharing it. “Wow, I wouldn’t have guessed. Being a professional athlete would be, like, my last career option ever”.
Renjun smiles at that. “Same. Troy Bolton kinda sucks for being able to pull both off. And being hot on top of it”.
Sohee can’t stop the cackle that comes out of him at that comment, and as they both snicker together it suddenly it feels like the ice has been broken.
They continue talking and eventually decide to sit down at one of the fair’s many food trucks, chatting as they each snack on some bungeoppang. During this time, Sohee learns a few fundamental facts about Huang Renjun:
- He’s Chinese but moved to Korea when he was 15
- He’s three years older than Sohee and Seunghan
- He feels as if he birthed Park Jisung himself (those were his exact words) because the other was ‘such a baby’ when they first met
- He’s majoring in Music Education
Sohee hums at that last fact. “I think you made the right choice going for an Education major”, he declares.
Renjun tilts his head in wonder, so he elaborates: “You’re clearly a great listener, I totally overshared and you didn’t seem uninterested or weirded out”, Renjun tries to object, but he keeps going with a smile. “You also have this teacher aura… like, you’re the type of person who’s scary when they scold you“.
Renjun doesn’t deny it and they both laugh. Sohee realizes that he’s being really open and carefree, considering that the older boy is still practically a stranger, but he finds that he doesn’t mind it at all.
At one point, he’s saying something and wrongfully calls Renjun “hyung”. He’s absolutely mortified at first, apologizing profusely and standing up to bow ninety degrees, but the older boy laughs it off and tells him to call him hyung comfortably from then on.
He also tells Renjun all about his and Seunghan’s friendship, how they met when they were children and have been attached at the hip ever since.
Renjun smiles and tells him they remind him of two of his own friends, Mark and Haechan, but doesn’t elaborate on it. Sohee thinks he catches a glimpse of a knowing glint in his eyes for just a second, but quickly brushes it off assuming that he’s just overthinking it.
Once they’re finished with their bungeoppang, they decide to make their way back towards the high striker to check on their friends. Renjun suggests spying on them if they happen to spot them from afar.
Sohee laughs at the suggestion and goes along with it, but deep inside, he finds himself hoping they don’t find them, silently begging for the two of them to have left for a restaurant or Jisung’s dorm room or wherever.
He anxiously plays with his cat keychain as he looks around for his friend. When they fail to spot any of the two after searching for a few minutes, they start theorizing about whether they might have left already as someone calls out his name.
“Lee Sohee? There you are!”, he hears what’s unmistakingly Seunghan’s voice.
He turns around and sees his best friend rushing towards him, with Park Jisung following a few steps behind.
“Oh, hey! Did you guys get that Shin Chan collection?”, Renjun greets them cheerfully.
Seunghan finally reaches his side and grabs onto his arm.
“No, none of us even came close to matching the strength of some ripped dude who almost broke the damn thing”, Jisung informs them with a laugh.
Seunghan squeezes his arm, and when Sohee looks at him, he finds him pouting. Before he can ask him why he’s being so moody and clingy out of nowhere, Jisung speaks up.
“Should we get going, Renjun hyung? I promised Jeno hyung I’d be back in the dorms early”, he talks to his friend, and Sohee has to stop himself from raising a brow. It’s probably like barely 9pm, isn’t that a little too early?
Jisung goes to hug Seunghan goodbye, so Sohee turns to Renjun who’s smiling at him. “It was really nice meeting you, Sohee. Hope I made for good enough company tonight”.
“You totally did, hyung. If anything, I hope I didn’t bore you too much”, he replies, but he knows for a fact that the two of them had a good time.
When Renjun asks for his number to stay in contact, Sohee pretends he doesn’t feel Seunghan intensely staring at the side of his face as he recites his digits to the older boy.
Once the pair leaves, his best friend goes on full-on whiny mode, crossing his arms and pouting exaggeratedly. Sohee almost expects him to say the date or hang out or whatever he’s calling it didn’t go well (yes, he knows he sucks for hoping that’s the case), but then Seunghan finally speaks on what’s bothering him.
“Yah, Lee Sohee, where the hell did you go? And why didn’t you pick up your phone? I almost went insane looking for you. I thought you got abducted or something!”, he scolds him while tugging on the cat keychain hanging from his belt loop.
Sohee’s taken aback by that, as he thought he was being quite obvious on his purpose to leave Seunghan and Jisung alone so they could hang out.
“What do you mean where did I go? Renjun hyung and I were stalling so you two could spend some time together!”, he replies. Seunghan’s face turns a bit tense when he mentions the older boy’s name, so Sohee’s half expecting what he says next.
“Yeah, what’s that about? Renjun hyung? You guys literally just met”.
He frowns. “We were talking for an entire hour, at some point he told me to drop the formalities”, he informs Seunghan, who is now back to pouting. “Anyways, why were you even looking for me? You were supposed to have a good time with Jisung. That’s, like, the whole reason we came to the fair”.
Seunghan finally relents at that, hugging him and wailing in his ear about how mean Sohee is, and how he’s going to force him to try out every single stand with him for leaving him alone for so long. He doesn’t actually answer Sohee’s question, but he lets it go.
Sohee also doesn’t bring up the fact that he didn't leave him alone –he was literally with his crush!–, instead choosing peace, playing a few fair games and going along with whatever Seunghan wants to do for the rest of the night.
When they leave, his best friend is all smiles and laughs, and everything’s back to normal.
By Sunday, Sohee has already chatted with Renjun and followed him in most forms of social media. The older boy is just as friendly through text, making plans to meet up and study together as soon as next week.
Sohee’s happy to have gotten a new friend all by himself, without the help of Seunghan or any of the other guys. His introverted tendencies have restricted him before, so it feels nice being reminded that he’s actually capable of socializing on his own like a regular person.
The topic of the fair doesn’t come up amongst the friend group until Wednesday, as he, Wonbin and Sungchan are sitting down on one of the tables in the middle of campus, choosing to study outside while they can before the weather starts getting colder.
“So, Sohee, how did everything go last Friday?”, Wonbin breaks the silence while doodling what looks to be an electric guitar in the middle of his notes. He is so failing whatever test he’s supposed to be studying for. “Did Seunghan get himself a new boyfriend already?”
Sohee huffs at that last question. “Don’t know. You’ll have to ask him about that”, he replies, trying not to sound bitter. “But the fair was fun. Seunghan went to try out a game and I stayed with Renjun, a friend of Jisung”, he replies with a shrug, closing his laptop screen to take a small rest from revising.
Sungchan, who’s sitting across from him going over his notes and wasn’t really paying attention to their conversation, perks up at the name. “Huang Renjun? I know him, we took the same Performance Arts elective last year. He’s really nice”.
“He is”, Sohee agrees easily, thinking about how uncomfortable the whole thing could’ve been if Renjun wasn’t so friendly. “At first it was a bit awkward, but in the end we got along really well. We’ve actually been texting since then”.
His friends robotically turn to him at that. Sohee raises an eyebrow when the two of them meet each other’s eye for a beat before turning to him with smiles on their faces.
“That’s really nice, Sohee-yah”, Sungchan finally says with an easy smile. Wonbin, on the other hand, doesn’t even attempt to hold off on the taunting.
“You two have been texting ? Aigoo, is our Ttori not bitchless anymore?”, he hums while pinching his cheeks teasingly.
Sohee frowns, swatting his friend’s hand away and leaning back to get away from him, but Wonbin insists on tickling his chin and making kissy noises all up on his face.
“Who’s bitchless?”, a new voice asks from the side of the table. They all turn towards the sound to be met with Seughan’s curious face.
“No one”, his two older friends reply in unison, and Wonbin quickly drops his hand while leaning back out of Sohee’s space.
While weirded out, Sohee doesn’t push it, knowing how relentless his hyungs can be with the teasing when they’re on a roll. Seunghan only shrugs at their weird behavior and sits down on the spot next to him.
“Yah, you left me all alone on this side of the table!”, Sungchan whines childishly. Seunghan sticks his tongue out at him and then they resume their quiet studying.
Sohee’s glad the topic is over, not only because he gets a break from the teasing, but also because he has no interest in hearing them discuss Jisung and Seunghan’s situationship (or whatever they’re currently calling it) with the man himself.
He briefly heard him tell Chanyoung that they’re still texting the other day, and decided that he didn’t care to know any more details. Seunghan hasn’t brought up his lack of interest in this particular fling, so he’s happy to stay unaware for as long as possible.
Life goes on normally after that. On Thursday afternoon, he and Renjun meet up in a café close to campus that Sohee likes to study in, given the cozyness and tranquility of the place.
He had been worried that things would be awkward, since they’ve only hung out once before, but they start chatting comfortably the minute they say hello. He guesses he has Renjun’s easy going personality to thank for that.
After discussing their favorite coffee orders for a while and the older boy insisting on buying him an Iced Americano, playing the hyung card to persuade him and everything, Sohee relents and sits down to wait for Renjun and their drinks.
He’s looking over his assignment for Music History class as his phone vibrates. He unlocks it to find a string of text messages from Seunghan.
seunghani my #1 in the whole world:
my ttoriiiii
are you at ur dorm room ?
im coming over, theres this new show i wanna watch
with you 🥰
Seunghan saved his own contact in Sohee’s phone, if that wasn’t already obvious. He hurries to type a response.
ttori <3:
noo im not at the dorms
i’m at that café near campus
with renjun hyung
The response takes a bit longer to arrive than usual.
seunghani my #1 in the whole world:
oh?
you guys r already going on dates and everything
ttori <3:
nahh we’re just studying 🤓
you could join us
i could even ask hyung to invite park jisung!
seunghani my #1 in the whole world:
nooo no theres no need
ill just wait for you to be done
enjoy your time ttori
mwah 💙
Sohee furrows his brows a little as he sends a string of thinking face emojis.
What’s gotten into Seunghan lately? Just a few days ago, it was all Park Jisung this, Park Jisung that, and now that he keeps getting the perfect chances to hang out with the guy he wastes them just like that?
First, there was the stunt he pulled by forcing Jisung to search for him all over the fair as if he was a child, and now refusing the opportunity to see him in a casual study date? Weird behavior, if you ask Sohee.
His train of thought gets interrupted as Renjun gets back to the table with their orders.
The older boy sits down and sets his Americano in front of him.
“Thank you so much, hyung. Next time I’m treating you, really”.
Renjun only grins a little as he sips on the drink he got for himself. “Don’t worry, Sohee-yah. I enjoy treating others”.
“That’s a dangerous thing to say, hyung. You know, I’ve got quite the appetite”, Sohee informs him in a warning tone, eyebrows raised and everything.
They both laugh and start studying, with Sohee asking a few questions here and there and his hyung patiently explaining everything to him, while also working on his own assignments.
They go on like that for about two hours before they decide to leave it at that for the day.
Renjun’s lucky –or wealthy– enough to live in an apartment off campus he rents with one of his Chinese friends, so they walk together for a couple of blocks and then bid goodbye to go their separate ways as Sohee heads to the dorms.
As he reaches his room and closes the door behind him, Sohee starts to wonder if he somehow forgot to turn the lights off before stepping out earlier, but once he turns he’s met with Seunghan standing in the middle of his room.
He’s not proud of the loud shriek he lets out.
His best friend only sends him a judgemental look.
“Holy shit, Seunghan, are you trying to give me a heart attack?”, he questions while grabbing his chest, heart still beating wildly under his hand.
“I said I’d wait for you”.
“Yeah, but you didn’t say you’d wait in my room”, Sohee replies while taking off his shoes and dropping his backpack.
He always forgets Seunghan keeps a spare key of his dorm room since the person that got assigned as his roommate at the beginning of the year never showed up.
His friend sits back down on the bed, where he’s probably spent the past few hours by himself, judging by the open bag of potato crackers and the stopped Youtube video on his computer.
He walks over to sit beside him, grabbing the bag and eating a cracker. Seunghan opens the Netflix tab on his laptop.
“What are we watching?”, Sohee asks as he makes himself comfortable in the small space against the headboard.
“A new drama that just started airing this week”, Seunghan answers, as he sets the laptop in his legs and they both settle to watch the show in silence.
He snuggles all up on his side and Sohee has to suppress a sigh. Has his best friend always been so touchy? Had Sohee never realized before just because he didn’t use to… well, have any romantic feelings towards him?
The show’s very dramatic but has a creative storyline and decent acting, keeping the both of them hooked for the entire hour-long episode. Once it ends and the credit montage starts playing, Seunghan suddenly speaks up.
“You and Huang Renjun got close pretty fast”, he comments offhandedly.
Sohee sits up and attempts to go over his best friend’s lap to get a hold of the bag of crackers, but when Seunghan notices, he quickly shoots up, grabs the bag and makes a scene of holding it up with his annoyingly long arm.
Sohee frowns and punches him weakly in the leg, which gets his friend to grab a cracker and motion for him to open his mouth. “Say aaah”, he taunts him.
As much as Sohee hates being treated like a kid, he really wants a snack right now so he quietly does as he’s told, opening his mouth and prompting Seunghan to coo and feed him.
“My Ttori is so cute”, he teases while tickling his chin. Sohee glares at him. “Anyways, back to Renjun”.
Sohee furrows his brows at the topic of conversation, and also at the unexpected change in Seunghan’s tone.
“I’m your best friend, Lee Sohee. You can just tell me if you like a guy”.
Sohee nearly chokes on the cracker he was in the midst of swallowing.
“Thanks for the reminder, you idiot. I don’t like Renjun hyung though”, he replies simply.
Seunghan seems to scrutinize his entire being, looking him over very seriously for a few seconds before humming, apparently believing him.
“Alright. But in that case, you need to stop leading him on. I know you don’t do it on purpose, but if a guy texts you all day and you reply, being the sweetie pie that you are, he’s eventually gonna catch feelings”.
He doesn’t sound incriminating or judgemental at all, as if he was simply stating a fact, but Sohee can’t help the offended gasp he lets out.
“Excuse me? I’m not leading him on, and he’s definitely not catching feelings!”
Seunghan sends him an incredulous look. A new show starts playing in the background, the computer long forgotten by the two friends.
“Sohee, he asked you to hang out less than a week after meeting you. You guys message each other every single day and I saw that you even have his contact saved with an emoji ”, his friend tells him, and his tone is definitely incriminating this time.
Sohee shifts uncomfortably at the implication behind Seunghan’s words, and also blushes in embarrassment at the realization that, despite not saying anything, his friend has clearly been keeping tabs on his and Renjun’s friendship.
He knows the fluttering feeling in his stomach at that is kinda fucked up, but he can’t help it.
“We text regularly and decided to meet up because we get along. Also, I only put a fox emoji next to his name because we talked about how he resembles a fox. Stop making a big deal about it”, he retorts, trying to lay the topic to rest.
But Seunghan still doesn’t seem convinced. “You never save anyone’s contact with emojis though. Or save anyone’s contact at all. It took a whole year of friendship for you to even add Sungchan’s number”.
“What are you trying to get at? I don’t like him and he doesn’t like me, that’s it”, Sohee sentences, feeling frustrated with his friend’s insistence.
Thankfully, Seunghan finally relents and lays back down on the bed, taking his arm and pulling him to join him. Sohee doesn’t put up a fight and lays down as well.
“I’m trying to look out for you, Ttori. If the guy confesses eventually, being the people pleaser that you are, you’ll probably end up in a relationship you don’t even want!”
Sohee lets out a frustrated sigh at his friend's reasoning. “I’m not a child, Hani. I’m not helpless. And that’s not gonna happen anyways, so there’s no need for you to worry”.
Seunghan huffs to make it clear that he’s not satisfied with Sohee’s way of thinking, but he doesn’t push it. They watch a random episode of an anime he likes, and once it ends he announces that he’s heading back to his own dorm room.
He usually just stays the night whenever they hang out like this, but none of them make an effort to keep that habit up in this particular evening.
The atmosphere is heavy when they say goodbye, but Sohee’s determined to stand his ground in this particular argument. How the hell would Seunghan even know that Renjun ‘likes’ him? He only met him once, and he didn’t even talk to him!
He goes to bed convinced that he’s on the right, and Seunghan is totally blowing the whole thing out of proportion.
The next day, he’s the one to break first (though it wasn’t even a real fight to begin with) and asks Seunghan to join him in a visit to their favorite park. The place is always full of life, with a lot of green areas to walk or lay down in, and even a lake that’s home to a few animals they usually feed.
They’ve been going there to relax and soak in the sun since their first semester of university, so he knows Seunghan won’t deny his invitation.
As expected, he replies to his text with a bunch of exclamation points and heart emojis.
They both take yummy stuff to have a picnic together, and after a full day of healing and laughter, everything’s good between them again.
That’s the thing about their friendship. They’ve known each other for so long that they don’t even need to vocalize their feelings most of the time.
They understand each other, and this time, Seunghan understands that Sohee needs him to trust his judgment of Renjun, for which he’s greatly thankful.
Back at his dorm room for the night, Sohee smiles in relief at that situation finally being sorted out.
But of course the universe couldn’t let him have peace for too long, because as he gets ready for bed, he suddenly gets a notification that has him rethinking everything.
renjun hyung 🦊 :
goodnight soheee
dream of troy bolton
and me ;)
He stares at the messages and wonders whether he might actually be pushing his friendship with Renjun a little too far.
He’s pretty sure that their banter has been entirely platonic so far, and Sohee’s certain that he hasn’t said or done anything that could give the indication that he’s… interested like that.
But still, a voice in the back of his mind that sounds annoyingly similar to Seunghan reminds him that texting someone that much, coupled with Renjun’s occasional flirty remarks and the amount of inside jokes the two of them already have after only knowing each other for two weeks, might all suggest otherwise.
He can’t help but worry.
What if his best friend’s right? And he’s actually stringing the guy along?
Sohee goes to their next study session caught up in this turmoil.
It’s a Saturday, so they meet up early to study diligently the entire morning. Whether Sohee’s insanely sharp focus on his assignment has anything to do with the fact that he’s avoiding Renjun’s eyes and trying to chat as little as possible, that’s no one’s business but his own.
At around 2 pm, they decide it’s time for a break and visit a tteokbokki place nearby.
But without their notes and assignments between them, Renjun immediately notices something off about his demeanor. He questions him about it a few times, to which Sohee responds with an uncreative “I’m fine” every time.
He’s so distracted that he doesn’t even try to come up with a convincing lie, telling his older friend that he’s feeling tired and leaving it at that.
Renjun seems unconvinced as he lets it be at first, but after another few unsuccessful attempts to get the truth from him, he finally snaps.
“Okay, that’s it. Sohee, what’s up with you?”, he asks in a demanding tone, and it’s the most serious Sohee has heard him since they first met.
He opens his mouth to lie again but Renjun cuts him off, holding his hand up. “Don’t lie to me. You’re clearly troubled, and either I’m totally failing as a friend right now or you should know that you can talk to me about anything”.
He sends him a worried look and Sohee’s resolve wavers. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out for a few seconds as he decides if he should actually tell his hyung the truth about what’s bothering him.
But then Renjun’s eyes shine with disappointment, and he starts talking despite himself.
(Okay, so Seunghan wasn’t exactly wrong when he called him a people pleaser).
“Hyung, it’s… I just–”, he cuts himself off, not sure how to proceed. Renjun sends him an encouraging smile, patiently waiting for him to explain what’s on his mind. “If, um, if you liked me… you’d tell me, right?”, he finally lets out.
Renjun looks taken aback by his question, so Sohee immediately keeps talking.
“Oh god, I just sounded really stupid, didn’t I? I’m so so so sorry, It’s not that I think you’d ever actually like me, hyung, but Seunghan said something the other day and I–”
“Sohee, you do not sound stupid”, Renjun cuts his rambling off. Sohee opens his mouth to keep excusing himself, but his friend goes on before he can. “Listen, you’re amazing. I’m not gonna lie and say that I didn’t think about asking you out”.
Sohee shuts his mouth in disbelief.
What?
“But”, Renjun continues. “I realized fairly quickly that you’re in love with Hong Seunghan, something that’s honestly only become more obvious the more we’ve talked, so it’s not like I’d ever act on those thoughts. That’s all they were, anyway. Thoughts”.
He drops that bomb so nonchalantly that Sohee’s brain needs a few extra seconds to process it.
Him being in love with Seunghan is supposed to be his deepest, darkest, best kept secret! He’s only known Renjun for… what? Three weeks? How did the older boy figure him out so quickly?
He stares down at the table in a shocked and embarrassed daze, refusing to meet Renjun’s eye after his comment. But his hyung is having none of it.
“You’re aware that you’re in love with him, right? Please tell me you already know”, he practically begs him while leaning down on the table, incessantly trying to meet his eye.
Sohee sighs, looking back up at him. “Yes, I know. I didn’t think you did though”, he confesses bashfully.
Renjun smiles. “It may not be obvious to Seunghan, Sohee, but it kind of is to everyone else”.
Well. If he wasn’t dying from embarrassment already, he might actually be now.
“I don’t mean to embarrass you, really. It was just so apparent to me from the way you spoke about him… Remember my friends I said you two reminded me of? Mark and Haechan?”
Sohee only nods.
“They’re dating, Sohee. Have been for a long while now”, Renjun informs him, and Sohee spots the same knowing glint in his eye that he briefly caught that night at the fair.
They both sit in silence for a second, as Sohee processes everything that’s just happened, when suddenly what his hyung said earlier finally dawns on him.
“Wait a minute. So you do actually kinda like me?”, he questions dumbly.
Renjun chuckles, leaning over the table to ruffle his hair. “Sohee, you’re the easiest-to-love person I know, I’d be surprised if anyone didn’t like you”.
Sohee huffs at that, but he can’t help the fluttering feeling in his tummy at being liked by someone, let alone someone as amazing as Renjun.
“I’m sorry that… you know”, he trails off while sheepishly scratching the back of his head in something akin to shame. They both know what he means. Sorry that I can’t like you back.
“Please don’t feel bad, Sohee-yah, we’re friends! I’ve actually been rooting for you and Seunghan to work out this whole time”, Renjun tells him cheerfully. Sohee scoffs.
“You might as well give up now, hyung. It’s a lost cause”, is his bitter response.
Renjun makes a face at that. “This may sound crazy, but I think that if you guys actually talked about it, everything would work out just fine”.
Sohee hums noncommittally and goes back to finishing his tteokbokki, but his mind wanders elsewhere from that point on.
He apologizes about fifty more times throughout the day, to which Renjun only smiles and replies to stop feeling bad, that there were never any serious feelings involved, and their friendship means more to him than a silly infatuation ever could.
But the whole thing doesn't fully dawn on him until he’s back in his dorm room, all alone. He drops his backpack and throws himself in the bed as his mind races a mile per hour.
Renjun admitted that he liked him, to the point where he’d consider asking him out if he wasn’t so obviously in love with Seunghan.
Just how pathetic is that? He’s fully unable to date or even like someone who’s interested in him because he’s waiting… waiting for what, exactly?
He knows Seunghan won’t magically start liking him back, knows that he’s seeing Jisung and also knows that he’s never gonna do anything about it all.
So why can’t he stop himself from feeling miserable about all this?
He looks over at his desk and spots the cat keychain that Seunghan got him at the fair, making him feel all the more pathetic.
When he starts getting a weird feeling in his chest, Sohee decides that he really doesn’t want to be alone right now.
He gets out of bed, grabs his keys and heads over to Shotaro’s apartment without giving it much thought.
It’s only once he’s rang the doorbell that he realizes he didn’t actually think about what he’s going to tell his hyung.
He really only wants to be with him and soak in his older friend’s comforting presence, but he fears that he might be too much of an emotional mess to keep himself from spilling his guts right now.
Just as he starts panicking, Shotaro suddenly opens the door. He looks surprised when he sees him, as he was obviously not expecting him, but immediately greets him with a sweet smile.
“Sohee, hi! Come in, come in”, he enthusiastically gestures for him to enter his apartment, no questions asked.
And that’s precisely why he wanted to come see him right now. Shotaro is always patient and kind to anyone who needs comfort. As the oldest of their friend group, he’s also incredibly smart and wise, always ready to give life-changing advice as if he was talking about something as simple as the weather.
Because he was the first to graduate and live off campus on his own, Shotaro’s apartment has become a sort of safe place they can all go to if they feel like it, knowing that they’ll be happily greeted by their gentle hyung.
Sohee enters the place and is glad to find that no one else seems to be here at the moment. As much as he loves his friends, he can’t afford to have more than one of them witness his mental breakdown at a time.
“Um…”, Sohee hesitates once Shotaro closes the door and looks at him expectantly, surely wanting to know why he came to his apartment on a Saturday night, completely unannounced. “I think I… left a hoodie here? The last time we hung out. I thought– I just wanted to come search for it myself”.
Stupid. He mentally facepalms himself, frustrated at both his inability to come up with convincing lies and his reluctance to tell his friend the truth.
“Of course, Sohee-yah. You can look, though I just cleaned up yesterday and I didn’t find anything”, Shotaro tells him while heading over to his kitchen. ”Would you like something to drink?”
“No, thank you, hyung”, he replies. And then he panics a little, realizing he didn’t really plan on how to go about the whole thing. This was stupid, he shouldn’t have shown up unannounced. “Um… if the hoodie’s not here I guess I– maybe I should go”.
He says that but doesn’t even turn towards the door, gauging Shotaro’s reaction. His hyung only hums and looks at him for a second while Sohee anxiously rocks on his feet.
“Sohee. Is everything okay?”, he asks softly from where he stands leaning into the kitchen counter.
Whether it’s his friend’s concerned tone or the weight of his situation finally downing on him, he’s not sure, but he can’t stop himself from breaking at the question. He brings a hand up to his mouth, but he knows it doesn’t do anything to stop his hyung from hearing the broken sob that comes out of it.
Shotaro’s by his side in a fraction of a second. He feels his friends’ arms wrap around him and he hugs him back, letting his head rest on the boy’s shoulder and allowing the anguish he’s been pushing down to finally come out of him.
His friend patiently waits for his cries to calm down as he rubs his head affectionately and whispers some sweet affirmations. “It’s okay. You’re okay, Sohee. Hyung is here”.
Shotaro leads him to sit down on the couch, all while still keeping a firm grip around his body.
Sohee’s sobs finally start dying down after a few minutes of his hyung rocking him back and forth, so he takes a deep breath and prepares himself for what he’s about to confess.
“I’m in love with him”, he finally lets out. He knows it’s impossible, but Sohee feels like the weight of his confession lifts off his shoulders, freeing him after keeping it a secret for so long.
Shotaro leans back without showing any sign of surprise or questioning who he’s talking about, but Sohee knows for sure that he knows. He thinks back to that afternoon in this very apartment, when he felt his hyung’s inquisitive gaze on him, and wonders how long he’s known for.
That makes two of them now, with Renjun also figuring him out after the very first time they met. Is he really that obvious?
“And why is being in love with him a bad thing?”, Shotaro questions in a soft voice.
“He likes Jisung. Or, actually, no. It’s bigger than that”, Sohee stops for a second, trying to rearrange his thoughts in order to voice them. “He dates people left and right, has gone out with all of our attractive classmates and even some of you guys’ friends, trying to find love or whatever. He’s never once thought of me as a possibility… he couldn’t make it any more clear that he doesn’t see me like that if he tried”.
Shotaro hums at that. “I see what you mean, but you gotta consider that he probably thinks you don’t see him like that either”.
“Well, yeah, but that’s just because I’m terrified of his reaction”, he replies quickly. “If I lost him… hyung, he’s my number one person. Out of everybody. I can’t lose him, I–”, he chokes up at the mere thought of Seunghan leaving his side.
“Shh, don’t think like that, Ttori-yah”, Shotaro soothes him. “Feelings or no feelings, you could never lose Seunghan. Your guys’ bond is so much deeper than that, I’m surprised you’d ever even question it”.
Sohee closes his eyes tightly. His hyung is absolutely right, what he and Seunghan have built over the years could never be threatened by something like this, but he still can’t stop his fears and insecurities from getting in the way.
“I’m scared, hyung”, he confesses in a whisper.
“I know, I know. These big feelings you’re experiencing are scary, right?”, he talks to Sohee like he’s a little kid, but when it comes from his soft spoken hyung, it feels calming instead of annoying.
Sohee can only imagine how much his young Dance students must love him.
“But I don’t think that pushing them aside and hoping they go away is the right way to deal with it. Please, at least consider doing something about them”, his friend concludes.
“You mean I should confess”, Sohee declares. Shotaro shrugs lightly.
“You can do whatever you think is best, but do something, Sohee-yah. For the sake of your wellbeing”.
They cuddle for a while longer before Shotaro turns on the TV and they watch one of his ‘comfort movies’ (a Western action movie with way too many fight scenes). Not too long after that, they head to bed as Sohee thinks about what the hell he’s going to do next.
As amazing as Shotaro’s advice was, Sohee kind of does the exact opposite for the next couple of weeks.
He does try to figure himself and the best course of action out, but after a week of frustration and hopelessness, he starts to unconsciously drift away from Seunghan.
It’s not that he intends to ignore his calls and messages, or like he plans on denying all of his friend’s invitations to go out, but he finds himself doing just that.
Because he’s a coward.
He only goes out to meet up with Renjun for one of their lunch and study sessions, or goes to class and then heads straight back to his dorm room.
He completely messes up his sleep schedule, finding himself unable to shut his brain off and sleep at night due to a mixture of being too frustrated with himself and his feelings, and missing Seunghan so terribly that he almost calls him at ungodly hours of the night on at least three different occasions before backing up at the last minute.
After two weeks of this dynamic, countless texts from his friends asking why he hasn’t showed up to their latest group hang outs and Seunghan’s questioning messages going from concerned to passive aggressive – the worst one had gone along the lines of ‘so you have time for some guy you met a month ago, but not your other half?’ and had almost broken Sohee’s resolution –, he gets a knock on his door on Friday night.
Assuming that all of his friends are on game night at Shotaro’s apartment, which he excused himself from attending by saying he was feeling sick, he goes to the door almost expecting to see Renjun or a random person who had the wrong door number.
He’s met with Seunghan’s somber face instead.
Seeing him almost knocks the wind out of him, as he comes to the realization that he missed him a lot more than he thought he was even capable of.
It’s not that he didn’t know it already, but having him in front of him after the longest period of time they’ve gone without seeing each other in years has his heart beating wildly in his chest.
He looks even more handsome than he did two weeks ago, if that’s even possible, and Sohee suddenly feels self conscious of his own appearance, as he knows that his under eyes are currently bruised and swollen from the lack of sleep, his hair must look like a bird’s nest from incessantly running his hands through it, and his outfit of a stained shirt and a pair of joggers that are a size too big on him are as unflattering as ever.
Fuck, he really is down bad. A few months ago, he wouldn’t have cared about how he looked in front of Seunghan in the slightest.
None of them says anything for a few seconds as they stare at each other, and the atmosphere around them is so thickly tense he could probably cut it with a knife.
Seunghan is the first to break the silence.
“Hey”, he says simply, but Sohee can tell that the nonchalance of his tone is absolutely feigned. Probably even rehearsed, too.
“Hi, Seunghan”, he replies, not knowing what else he could possibly say.
It doesn’t seem to be the right answer, because his friend lifts both eyebrows and makes a very unimpressed face. “That’s it?”
“Um… how are you?”, Sohee asks with uncertainty.
And that’s what really does it, as Seunghan huffs angrily and lightly pushes him aside as he enters his room. “How am I? Do you really wanna know? Because you could’ve easily, I don’t know, replied to one of the million messages I’ve sent you the past few days if you actually cared about me enough to ask”.
So, he’s angry. Even more so than Sohee anticipated.
He closes the door and faces his friend, who stands in an irritated manner with his arms crossed in front of him.
“You’re completely right, I’m the worst”, he starts, which earns him an aggressive nod of agreement from Seunghan. “I’m sorry that I’ve been so unavailable these days, it’s not your fault or anyone’s, really. I’ve just been…”, he takes a shaky breath as he attempts to keep his emotions at bay, but he knows that if he keeps talking he’ll break.
Seunghan widens his eyes but stays rooted in his spot.
After a few seconds of them just looking at each other helplessly, his friend speaks up in a hushed tone.
“Tell me the truth, Sohee. Are you… Did you and Renjun talk about– Are you together?”, he stumbles through the question.
Sohee frowns at the unexpected topic. “I mean, yes, we talked, but…”, he trails off as Seunghan’s face goes pale. He doesn’t understand what exactly is happening, but he decides to just tell him about his conversation with Renjun quickly so they can work it out.
“I guess you were right about him having a crush on me”, he responds, embarrassed.
Seunghan goes completely still for a few seconds, and as Sohee’s about to ask him if something’s wrong, he practically yells out: “You asked him?!”
Sohee blinks, confused as to why the other seems so affected by this information. “Well, yeah. After what you said the other day, I thought I’d ask him about it. Just to be sure I wasn’t leading him on or whatever”.
In a second, Seunghan’s all up on his face, grabbing by the shoulders and staring at him seriously, eyes so intense it feels like they’re trying to look through him.
“What did he say?”, he asks in a deep voice. It’s so rare to see him like this, almost looking mad, his breath even getting slightly ragged.
“Seunghan, I don’t–”
“Sohee, what did he say?”, he asks again, even more agitated. “Did he confess? Told you how he’s liked you all along and this whole ‘we’re just good friends’ act was an attempt to stop his feelings for you from consuming him whole? Did he ask you out? What did you say?”
Sohee feels his heartbeat pick up despite him, unsure of what’s going on. Is Seunghan upset? What could’ve possibly set him off about what he said? Also, what’s with all this talk about friendship and feelings?
“Yes, he said he likes me”, he finally replies and Seunghan lets go of his shoulders while recoiling, acting like he just got burned from his touch. “I don’t understand what’s going on”.
He ignores him, starting to pace around his room while shaking his head with a scowl on his face. Sohee grows agitated, frustrated by the scene Seunghan is making.
“Seunghan, really. What the hell is wrong with you?”
When that doesn’t get him a response either, he finally loses his patience and stands up from his bed, walks over and grabs Seunghan’s arm to stop him from pacing any longer.
His friend also seems to snap at that, finally looking at him again and aggressively pulling his arm from his hold.
“You weren’t supposed to tell him!”
“Why the fuck does it matter? Seunghan, you’re acting crazy!”
“It matters because you give your love away too easily, Sohee, it’s not right!”
And that’s what finally shatters his resolve once and for all.
This again? Who the hell does he think he is, policing who he likes? Or doesn’t like, since he’s so annoyingly hung up on him it’s become borderline pathetic at this point. Sohee sends him the most poisonous glare he can muster.
“Forgive me for wanting to actually be in a relationship for once. Not everybody is Hong Seunghan, not all of us get to date whoever we want and then ditch them like it’s nothing!”
He knows he’s being mean, but he can’t stop the fury from consuming him whole at his friend’s words. Is it really so bad that he wants to be loved?
Seunghan sends him a pained expression. “That’s not fair and you know it”.
“No. What’s not fair is you policing me and my love life. Or lack thereof, considering no one ever fucking likes me like that. Why is it a crime for Renjun hyung to do so?”, Sohee loses himself in his anger while Seunghan just stands there and takes it.
They stare at each other in anger until he finally spats out: “It doesn’t matter anyways, Seunghan. I don’t like him back”.
Those news visibly shock his friend, as his eyes open widely with an incredulous look in his face.
“But it’s not because I’m saving my love or whatever bullshit reason you think. It’s not because I don’t want to like him either because, trust me, I do!”
Seunghan’s eyes harden at that. “Sohee, calm down”.
Those words only spur Sohee further.
“No, I can’t calm down”, he says, but his voice betrays him as it starts wavering and losing its initial fury and gives way to something more emotional. Something more raw. He starts pacing, unable to stay still.
“I can’t calm down and I can’t like Renjun hyung or any other person because I’m deeply and stupidly in love with my best friend, who happens to be the most infuriating person on the planet!”
In his frenzy, he doesn’t even notice Seunghan going completely still.
“You always do this, you know? Making me feel guilty about liking or hanging out with people, and it’s so annoying because you do the exact same thing and I don’t pester you about it!”
“Sohee”, the brunette tries to shut him up while coming closer to him, but he ignores him, backing up to avoid his touch.
“And don’t get me started on the way you hate every single person who’s ever shown interest in me”, he spats as his back finally hits the wall. Seunghan keeps moving towards him. “I get that you find it unimaginable that anyone could actually be attracted to me, but–”
“Lee Sohee!”, Seunghan is finally in front of him, roughly grabbing him by the shoulders just like he did a few moments ago. Except this time he doesn’t seem angry, he seems desperate.
Sohee finally stops, fully panting after his rant and staring back at his best friend defiantly.
They just look at each other like that for a few beats.
“Say it again”, Seunghan demands slowly. Sohee doesn’t understand what he means, and it must show on his face, because his friend chokes out: “You can’t like Renjun because you’re– you said you’re…”
He trails off, and Sohee realizes his mistake. In the heat of the moment, he didn’t even think about keeping that one very important detail out.
He panics and attempts to get away from the other boy, but Seunghan –who knows him better than anyone else, who knows his every thought and mannerism, who’s seen him laugh, cry and everything in between– predicts his course of action and holds him by the arms tightly.
“Sohee, don’t run away. Please. Not now”, he’s borderline begging now, so Sohee decides to finally let go.
He lets go of all the uncertainty and fear he’s allowed to pile up inside of him for these past few months, letting the love he feels for the boy in front of him engulf him whole instead of fighting it for a change.
He sags a little as his body finally gives up the fight or flight mode it’s been on for what feels like ages at this point. “I’m in love with you, Seunghan. I think I’ve always been… even when we were kids, I just didn’t realize it until recently”.
He feels himself get teary eyed at the confession, the force of his own feelings still catching him off guard.
“I didn’t want to confess, never even considered it an option. That’s actually why I’ve been avoiding you. I didn’t mean to hurt you, Hani, but I was scared. I know we’re best friends and I’m perfectly happy and content with that, really. You’re the most important person in my life. The last thing I ever want is to jeopardize our friendship and lose you, so I kept my mouth shut”.
He closes his eyes now, ready for the rejection.
“But now you know, so if you’re disgusted and you hate me and never wanna see me again, I get it. And I respect your decision, no matter how much it might hurt”.
The silence that follows his confession is the heaviest Sohee has ever heard in his life. When it’s suddenly interrupted by a sob, he opens his eyes to find Seunghan crying.
“Oh my god, Hani, I’m so–”
“Do not apologize, Lee Sohee”, his friend scolds sternly through his tears, which prompts him to shut his mouth. “I can’t– I never even… what am I going to do with you?”, Seunghan sighs.
Sohee can only stare in confusion. Is he mad at him?
Seunghan lets go of his arms and Sohee accepts that this is it, this is how their friendship ends, with one of them being a sobbing mess while the other shuts up and stares like a damn idiot. That kinda checks out, he guesses.
But then Seunghan is setting his big hands around waist, fully embracing him and pulling Sohee towards him. So close, their chests are almost touching.
He goes a little cross eyed trying to maintain eye contact.
“I have loved you since the moment I met you”, Seunghan declares in a whisper. Sohee’s heart quite literally skips a beat as he feels himself hold his breath. “I hate everyone who likes you because I’m afraid that they’ll take you away from me, and I hate it whenever you hook up with people because I’m a selfish, jealous asshole who doesn’t want to share you with anyone, even if I’ve always been convinced that you’d never feel the same”.
Sohee doesn’t even realize that his tears started falling until Seunghan brings one of his hands to his face to wipe them away.
He lets out a whine of protest at the other man’s words, who smiles a little before finally whispering: “Of course I’m in love with you too, silly. I’m just good at hiding it. You’re my best friend, my Ttori, my baby. My everything”.
And with that, he’s leaning in and a million fireworks erupt around them. Or at least that’s what it feels like to Sohee.
The kiss is teary and surprisingly really soft, as they both hesitate to deepen it at first.
In the end it’s Seunghan – of course it’s Seunghan – who dares to swipe his tongue along Sohee’s bottom lip, which earns him a moan and grants him full access to his mouth.
They both let out a sigh at that, and Sohee wraps his arms around the other’s neck, bringing him even closer.
Seunghan kisses him like a starved man, while Sohee takes it as well as he can as he tries to contain his own hunger and desire.
Things start getting more and more heated as they both desperately cling into each other. Seunghan parts from him and Sohee has to swallow his sound of disappointment as the other boy starts licking and kissing his neck.
“I’ve wanted this for so long, baby”, he tells him as he starts mouthing along his ear. Sohee lets out a desperate moan. “I’ll make you feel good. That’s a promise”.
Sohee feels himself get insanely hard at those words, desperately rutting against Seunghan’s leg in search of some relief.
They kiss again and it’s so messy and passionate and intense that he doesn’t even realize he fully forgot to breathe until Seunghan is pulling back.
They stand like that for a second, their faces a few centimeters from each other as they pant in the other’s mouth.
“I love you”, Sohee declares, and it feels so freeing, so right. Like he’s been meant to say this particular sentence to this particular boy since the very moment he was born.
“I love you more”, Seunghan replies with a big toothy smile, and everything finally falls into place.
***
Later that night, as they lay in Sohee’s bed cuddling each other, he asks the question that’s been bothering him for a few days now: “So, um... what about Jisung hyung? Weren't you two, like, dating?”
Seunghan, who was running his hand through Sohee’s back in a soothing manner, stops the movement and snorts.
“Nothing ever happened between us, Sohee. I tried to like him, but…”, he trails off and Sohee nods, understanding what he means. It’s not like he ever managed to fall for anyone else either. “Jisung hyung figured out that I was utterly in love with you that same day at the fair, when I started looking for you like a maniac. I don’t think anyone I’ve ever met hasn’t been able to tell”.
He says it so nonchalantly, as if he wasn’t uttering the literal most romantic words Sohee’s ever been told.
“But you seemed so excited to see him. And what about all those other people you dated?”, he presses on, too insecure to accept that Seunghan’s actually liked him back all along.
Seunghan, who knows him so damn well, pushes him a little to lay him on his back and moves to hover over him.
“Sohee, even if I thought that you’d never want me back, all those people I went out with were just an attempt to make you jealous”, Sohee raises his eyebrows at that. “At first it was unconscious, but after you made that comment about Jungwon, it was all about you. I never cared about any of them”.
Sohee can’t help the heat that engulfs his whole body when hearing Yang Jungwon’s name. He had been one of Seunghan’s many flings, and his very presence annoyed Sohee for reasons he couldn’t comprehend until much later, when he became aware of his romantic feelings.
He controlled himself for as much as he could during the two weeks they were seeing each other, but when Seunghan had called the younger boy a ‘little cat’, he couldn’t stop himself from lashing out and demanding Seunghan to never utter that ridiculous nickname in front of him again.
In hindsight, he should’ve realized his feelings many, many years earlier than he did.
After that particular incident, Seunghan had almost immediately broken things off with Jungwon and reassured Sohee for like a week about him being ‘the number one boy in his heart’.
He still feels embarrassed about it, of course, but Seunghan doesn’t even seem to mind it, mentioning it as if it’d been a good thing.
And Sohee has to agree that it kind of was.
Suddenly, Seunghan takes his hand and places it on his chest. “No one has ever made me feel like you can, Sohee. I mean it”, as he says it, Sohee can feel his heart beating steadily under his hand.
His eyes go a little watery at the realization that they both fell equally as hard.
He grabs Seunghan’s free hand and places it on his own chest. When he smiles softly while looking him in the eye, he knows for sure that they’re both thinking the same thing. Haven’t they always done just that?
The next day, Sohee wakes up to Seunghan tracing the moles in his left cheek.
“Good morning”, he greets hoarsely.
Seunghan giggles a little at his morning voice, even though he’s heard it a million times already.
“Good morning baby”, he replies, and as hard as Sohee tries to hide the crippling blush spreading all over his face at the term of endearment, Seunghan notices it immediately. He giggles at him before grabbing his face and planting a big kiss on his lips.
They both let out a big sigh of happiness.
“Okay, I’m going to get us some breakfast”, Seunghan declares after a few minutes of making out lazily. He stands up, searching for the pair of boxers he discarded last night. Sohee can’t help feeling like a blushing virgin at that, face reddening yet again.
After a few seconds of spacing out, Seunghan turns to him fully dressed. “Join me?”
“Yep”, he responds as he also sits up and starts looking for his clothes. Seunghan comes over to give him a final kiss before heading towards the bathrooms to freshen up and brush his teeth before leaving.
Once he’s dressed, Sohee taps on his phone to see the time and is more shocked by the massive amount of notifications than the 12:47 staring back at him in bold letters.
He gives the notifications a quick browse through and is surprised by the one that reads ‘Hong Seunghan has mentioned you in their story’. Sohee furrows his brows and clicks on it.
Once Instagram loads up and Seunghan’s story appears on his screen, he can’t help the squeak he lets out. It’s a picture of the two of them, with Seunghan grinning happily at the screen while half of Sohee's sleeping face can be seen resting on his chest.
He also added a western love song that Sohee showed him ages ago. He didn’t think Seunghan had paid him any mind as he forced him to sit down and listen to it, but he’d clearly been wrong.
And as clingy as they've always been, the implications behind this particular story are obvious.
While embarrassment washes all over him, he also feels his heart swell with joy and infatuation at the other boy claiming him so proudly. They haven’t even defined their relationship yet!
Still, Sohee can’t wipe the smile off his face as he continues to overanalyze the picture, engraving every little detail into his brain.
Once he’s satisfied, he checks his texts to find the group chat blowing up with congratulatory messages and cheerings from everyone. Even Eunseok, who tends to be the driest texter among them, sends a bunch of euphoric remarks and emoticons.
He scrolls past all of them, smiling at all of his friends’ joy and noticing Renjun’s strings of messages that start with a ‘congratulations!!!’.
Near the end, one lonely notification sits on his locked screen.
taro hyung 🧋 :
glad you both finally figured it out <3
Did his Shotaro hyung know about both of their feelings all along? That’d be kinda crazy, considering he was so understanding with Sohee when he claimed that Seunghan would never feel the same way for him, but it checks out.
He sends his hyung a heart and then drops his phone in bed, rushing to the bathrooms to wash up quickly and go grab breakfast with his other half.
Some things, he’s come to find out, like Shotaro’s endless patience and the undying love Sohee and Seunghan have for each other, never change.