Work Text:
“If you call me ‘Mom’ one more time, I'll give your real mom a reason to cry!”
The following sound was that of Sasaki's head hitting the desk. Immediately after, a long groan was heard from the lump that resembled a lazy animal napping by the sun. Above him, his irritated classmate and friend glared down at his figure.
“Oh dear,” The snickering voice from Hanzawa came from a few feet away. He covered his mouth with a hand, a futile attempt to hide his amusement. This shifted the harsh glare from Sasaki’s shell of a self to himself, something those watching the scene unfold thought was well-deserved.
“If you're not his mom, why do you always ask to check his homework?” Ogasawara prodded, probably under the assumption that he was safe so long as he maintained the distance of two desks away from the irritable blonde. Whether his judgment was correct was yet to be discovered.
“Yeah, Hirano!” A classmate of theirs chimed in. The guy had black hair in a style similar to the subject of their conversation. Wearing an amused grin, he leaned back until he was sitting on a desk, “You're always hounding us like you're some parent. -And don't get us started on how you chased Sasaki around back in our first year. You really were like an overbearing mom.”
“You're exaggerating.” Hirano was firm in his declaration. He slowly rolled up an assignment sheet he had in his hand as he eyed Sasaki. With a bitter tone, he counter-argued, “I was mostly just doing what the teachers asked me to do.”
“But,” Sasaki glanced up from his cocoon. His eyes were hazy with sleep. He was probably trying to doze off instead of facing Hirano, but was now looking to join in on the banter, “Hirano, you always respond when I yell ‘Mom’.”
“That’s because I have to tell you to cut it out!” Hirano yelled, finally making use of his rolled up assignment to smack the daylights out of Sasaki. Just like that, the mock ginger fell back into his cocoon.
Several snickers went around the room. The blonde snapped his head at the classmates who were tuned into the argument. It was no doubt a stupid topic of conversation, even more so because Hirano was certain everyone was exaggerating.
“I don't get it,” Hirano huffed, rubbing his temples, “I only do my duties as a disciplinary committee member.”
“See, that's the thing,” Ogasawara chimed in again with a stupid amused grin on his face. He pulled his lollipop out of his mouth for a second and laughed, “You act like Sasaki's mom most of the time. Your committee duties stop at us. With Sasaki, you take it to another level.”
“Well, that's his fault.”
The cocoon groaned in disapproval. The disciplinary committee vice president chose to ignore it for his own sake.
“What about what happened the other day when I was at his house?” Ogasawara challenged, still very much amused. This got an eyebrow raise from Hirano as well as the nosy committee president by his side.
The classmate who was sitting on the desk leaned forward, “What happened?”
“Well…”
It was supposed to be a quick stop to pick up his CD. Ogasawara didn't exactly want to stay at Sasaki's very often anymore, especially with the frequency of his friend's new boyfriend arriving. When he showed up unannounced, he preferred to be quick, especially when the stupid ginger with shit taste in music had that lovesick smile every time he glanced at his phone.
No one had to see that. It was gross.
Unfortunately, Ogasawara really needed that CD back. He'd promised to lend it to Eimi, but this hoarder hadn't returned it yet. From the looks of it, he might even leave empty-handed. He was starting to make a mental note to just burn copies of the CD for his irresponsible friend if it was going to be a game of hide and seek every time he lent one to him.
“Should I just come back another day?” Ogasawara asked, very irritated. Sasaki waved him off as he continued searching through his things.
“No, it's around here somewhere…” Sasaki mumbled while siffling through some stuff in his dresser.
The black-haired boy sighed. Of course, bad habits die hard, was the saying. Sasaki wouldn't drop his laziness and lack of attention overnight. That didn’t mean Ogasawara couldn’t smack him. After all, he was less than a foot away. It would be so easy to just-
No, he could deal with not starting a fight over a CD.
Just to humor himself, Ogasawara asked, “Miyano lend you any new manga?”
“Yep, the one on the desk.”
He didn't have to look up from where he was searching in some box to answer. Ogasawara scoffed, rolling his eyes. The difference in treatment was no surprise. For that fudanshi, Sasaki would rather die than lose anything that belongs to him, probably.
“Listen, I'll just come back another-”
Sasaki lifted a finger in the air to shush him. With his other hand, he pulled out his phone and dialed someone quickly. Ogasawara could hear the ringing from across the quiet room.
Now, he assumed Sasaki was calling his sister. They lived together, and on the off chance that she borrowed it thinking it belonged to Sasaki, it made sense. Even if she didn't take it, she might've seen where the airheaded moron had misplaced it. The former of the two would take part of the blame off of the lazy jerk, even if Ogasawara still wanted to smack him for being careless.
“Hey, Hirano,” Sasaki drew the last vowel of his name. It made some whiny teen effect that had Ogasawara preparing to throw something at him. Sasaki did some lazy hand motion as he said into the phone, “Yeah, so I can't find Ogasawara's CD. Any Idea where I might have put it?”
The pillow was armed and ready in Ogasawara's hand. The moron lost his CD and then still had the audacity to arm some comedy special by asking their classmate where it was? Last time he checked, the only visitors in Sasaki's home were himself and the fudanshi. There was no way Hirano had ever come over, especially not with his weird dorm situation that Ogasawara had overheard snippets about.
From the other end of the phone came a long sigh. Ogasawara was certain he would tell Sasaki off but then, he heard, “Well, what did you do with it when you first brought it home?”
“I listened to it.”
“And then?”
“Burned a CD for… Oh! It's in Aneki's computer!” Sasaki snapped his fingers as he suddenly remembered.
“Alright, go check.”
Minutes later, Ogasawara was being sent home with his CD.
“Isn't that something?” Hanzawa snorted, hand still covering his mouth. Hirano grunted, facing away from everyone in embarrassment.
“He's the one who called.”
Sasaki rose from the dead momentarily, “Because you always know where my lost stuff is. Y'know, like my tie, shoes, that one time I lost my phone but it was in-”
“You can shut up, Sasaki! How the hell was I not going to know where your phone, that you used to call me, was in your hand? Dumb fucking ass.”
And just like that, he retreated into his little nest. Some more snickers went around the room at the display. It was becoming clear to most that they didn't need to say anything, the show was playing on its own. Even then, another classmate of theirs, a much taller one than Hirano, chimed in.
“I'm thinking we should have submitted ‘Mommy Hirano’ to the drag contest instead of me,” The guy laughed in a deep and throaty tone that made Hirano's skin itch. He took a seat on a desk next to the black-haired classmate and snickered, “We were going for the gag point, anyway. Maybe you would have won.”
“Did you not consider doing the drag contest?” Hanzawa asked, although it was unclear if he was teasing Hirano or if he was seriously asking. It was always hard to decipher him.
“Hell no!” Hirano shut that train of thought down as quickly as he could. Muttering for only himself and those closest to hear, he said, “Thinking of what Miyano would say to that makes me gag.”
“But guys, what would ‘Mommy Hirano’ even look like?” The black-haired classmate egged on. He was harshly shoved off his desk by the blonde.
The last participant of the drag contest hummed. He leaned closer to Hirano as if to inspect his face and moved his eyes around swiftly. Once he'd made some sort of conclusion, he backed away to get a better look. Hirano squirmed uncomfortably under those eyes. It was a sort of funny look on him, seeing someone usually so in control of things being at the receiving end of a joke.
“I think a wig and a ponytail would fit well,” The aspiring cosmetology student started. Meeting eye to eye with the snarling face in front of him, he seemingly unbothered added, “Maybe some red lipstick and some false lashes. Not much makeup since he's supposed to look like ‘Mommy Hirano’, but a little bit of concealer to fix that resting bitch face should work.”
“You guys suck.”
“Ooh! My turn!” Another classmate, suddenly interested in throwing in his spare change, raised his hand as he practically pounced on the smooth surface of the desk the black-haired student was sitting on before. He pointed at Hirano’s shirt and yelled, “I bet he’d be one of those moms who wear those big oversized sweaters under an apron even in the summer! You know, the knitted ones that look way too hot to be worn even in winter?”
“Oh, hell to that!” Hirano yelled. His face was almost scarlet at just the thought, “Who in their right mind wears that in summer? You’re all crazy!”
“But he’d totally wear those blue sandals from the discount shopping mall,” A boy that often ate lunch with them added in, “And with sweatpants. Then he’d hit you with a wooden spoon. Throw his shoe at you if you run away, kind of parent.”
“Hey, now, that’s-”
“He’d wear those long skirts that reach the ground,” Sasaki yawned as he came out of his isolation cave once again. He thought for a second and shrugged, “I dunno, he seems like he’d wear those slip-on shoes and a pair of gold earrings that he’ll eventually force his oldest daughter to inherit even if she doesn’t want them.”
“That sounded very personal, Sasaki!” The previous drag contestant pointed out. Sasaki shrugged with a slight grunt as he stretched out.
“Hirano, do you prefer long skirts or short?”
“What- Why the sudden question?” Hirano’s face was as red as a tomato, “I don’t wear skirts!”
The classmate who asked blinked at him. Then, he craned his neck to an odd angle and mused, “Stupid ass, I meant like on women! Do you prefer women with long or short skirts?”
“I don’t know?” It came out as a question. It about summed it up; never in his life had Hirano thought about what type of skirt was more appealing on a woman. Even thinking about it then, he couldn’t come to a clear conclusion.
“We could always go with a knee-length skirt for ‘Mommy Hirano’,” The black-haired classmate, who was still on the ground chimed in. He stood up and sized up Hirano, stating, “A long skirt might make him look too tall and that loses against shorter contestants. A short skirt would show stuff none of us want to see.”
“The skirt needs pockets,” Hanzawa suggested, “He is rather handy, so he seems like the type of parent to always have things ready.”
“Okay, for a hypothetical about a drag contest, we really don’t need something as invisible as-”
And he would yet again be interrupted by his classmates arguing about the look that ‘Mommy Hirano’ would wear. At one point he heard mentions of large, fake breasts that their last participant had worn. This led the group to revisit the topic about where their classmate even found the prop. He simply said, ‘No comment’ and the conversation carried on.
Hirano isn’t sure when his mind wandered off, but when he tuned in next, he overheard Sasaki mention that the fake breasts were from a professional drag company. This revelation led to more havoc as several confronted Sasaki about how he even knew the company, something he refused to answer. Hirano had a good idea how he might have heard of something like that, but he wasn’t exactly planning on asking his underclassman to confirm.
It was when he heard talks about how the last drag contestant specially ordered the garment for the contest followed by talks of taking Hirano's measurements that he made the decision to leave.
Asking the Kohai:
“Miyano, do I act like a mom?”
The raven-haired boy sputtered, almost dropping his bag. He whipped his head around, those round, mischievous eyes going wide with excitement and confusion. The look was characteristic of whenever anything sparked his moe-dar, as Ogasawara called it, something very familiar to the blonde.
Feeling dumb, Hirano scratched the back of his neck, “Nevermind, forget it-”
“Well! When it comes to looking out for people, you're really good at it!” Miyano exclaimed. He looked like a fountain of excitement as the gears in his head seemed to turn. Sparkles were practically flying everywhere.
“Oh, I see,” Hirano nodded. As for taking care of people, Hirano wasn't sure he was that great at it. He only ever did what he felt was right, but that's not exactly what makes a person a good parent, right?
“And you also have this big protective side to yourself!” Miyano was still ranting, hands gripping each other for support, “Like when I first met Sasaki in school and you smacked him with the paper? It felt like you were looking out for me!”
“Of course, I'd smack that moron.” Hirano grit his teeth at the memory and he subconsciously folded his hand into a fist, “He didn't even know you. Who in hell puts their hands on a stranger, much less an underclassman?”
“Oh, and you're also scary!” It looked like Miyano had completed his magical transformation into a fudanshi as now he looked fully brain rotted, rocking on his toes, “You remind me of my mom when she's mad. In BL, the mothering character tends to be an uke, which only adds to your mothering nature. And then the mother hen of the uke always takes care of his seme! Say, does your roommate-”
Smack!
“That's enough,” Hirano deadpanned, face aflame. He cleared his throat and covered his face with a fist, “I've heard enough of you.”
“Sorry…”
“Kagi, do I seem mothering to you?”
This time, Hirano was a little scared of the answer. It wasn't like he'd planned on asking, but with everything he'd heard, he couldn't quite get it out of his mind. Anyway, it was just a silly question. He'e go right back to studying once his curiosity was satisfied.
“Well, I wouldn't mind if you mothered my children.”
And Hirano was back in what-the-fuck-ville with that one. His rolling chair scraped on the floor with the harshness in which Hirano spun around to face his roommate. In the other desk, Kagiura sat with a puzzled look on his face. It was as though he himself didn't realize what he had said.
“What?”
“No! No, I didn't mean that!” Kagi shrieked in a panicked voice, waving his arms around frantically. He cleared his throat, “I meant that you're just really kind and caring and you always look out for me. You also help me study, so I think you'd be good with kids…”
“I mean, I guess…” Hirano muttered back as Kagi had trailed off. The taller boy's head was in his hands, the vibrant red shining through his fingers almost violently.
“Sorry, that sounded so weird.”
“Not really,” Hirano shrugged. His own face was still warm, but he managed to laugh. Kagi peeked through his fingers tentatively as the weird atmosphere seemed to pop. With a smile, Hirano sighed, “That might be the best answer to that I've heard today, actually.”
It was Kagiura's turn to become confused all over again as he sat up, hands grabbing the back of his chair in distress. Hearing something like that from Hirano, the man he wanted to marry, wasn't good for his heart. The vital organ was beating terribly fast, his blood rushing to his face making him wish it was summer already so he could blame the weather for the warm color.
‘The best answer’... What did Hirano mean by that? It certainly couldn't be, Kagiura reasoned with himself, the bold statement proclaiming he'd wanted Hirano to mother his children in a hypothetical marriage. Or maybe it was. Hirano was hard to read, so just maybe he was indirectly saying he was also looking forward to getting married? But, no, there was no way.
“Hirano, um,” Kagi tried to steady his voice, “Have you been asking a lot of people that question?”
Hirano scowled, “Of course not!”
Kagi's shoulders relaxed.
“Only you and Miyano from the committee.”
The kohai from the committee- Kagiura felt like exploding. It was so stupid how a stupid question could make him feel so stupidly bothered.
“Um, how come?”
“Because my classmates are morons!” Hirano huffed, pinching the bridge of his nose at the reminder. Kagi smiled a little, the sight reminding him of an angry puppy. Not that he'd ever tell Hirano.
The explanation that followed about the day's events had Kagi feeling like a total, lovesick moron.
Seriously, what was wrong with him?
Senpai and Kohai:
“Hirano asked me if he seemed like a mother today.”
A suppressed wheeze just barely made it through Sasaki's throat. Miyano tilted his head at the ginger walking beside him. He didn't say anything particularly funny, so… Miyano connected the two dots quickly and nudged his boyfriend's shoulder.
“What happened?”
“So it started with…”
An explanation later, Miyano was nodding along. He had to cover his mouth, something he'd seen Sasaki do many times, to conceal the giddy grin trying to spread. He had to remind himself that Hirano would probably smack him again depending on how much of his mind he could read.
Still, even with the impending doom that could await him, Miyano's excitement didn't slow down.
“Hirano is very nurturing to the underclassmen,” Miyano chuckled. He thought about the underclassmen committee members and chuckled. Between the temperamental blonde and the committee president, Hanzawa, it was like there were two parental figures to guide them.
“We did end up talking about what ‘Mommy Hirano’ would have looked like if we submitted her to the drag contest,” Sasaki mumbled. It looked like he wasn't fully thinking what he was saying before he added, “One of the guys in my class drew all the things we added onto her.”
When the younger's eyes sparkled back to life, the older's own widened. He bit his lip slightly at the mistake and braced himself for the onslaught of fudanshi-rambles. Two hands latched onto Sasaki's arms desperately, the hyperventilating already starting.
“Really? Show me, please! I'm so curious!”
“Alright, alright. I should have a picture on my phone…”