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Sasuke had, for longer than he was willing to admit, felt that longing. It was seeped into his skin, down to his bones, and consumed his thoughts almost entirely.
It was sickening really, if someone were to pry open Sasuke’s mind and look inside, there would be nothing but vile thoughts of him. The line between loving and killing is blurred, it has been for years, and Sasuke thinks he should talk to someone about it. They would say that it was unhealthy, that he should go on medication or try and have a healthy relationship that doesn’t span years of confusion and craving . Sasuke doesn’t need someone to tell him that he’s unstable, that much he already knew. He more so needed help with the fact that he was still unstable, even now.
Naruto was stable. He was healthy for fucks sake. How could Naruto be in such close proximity with Sasuke consistently and not have his mind overrun with thoughts of hatred? Hatred that melted into lust and devotion, a longing to rip each other's skin off and kiss until there was blood.
Because Naruto had moved past this. He was traumatized and hurt and the nightmares were frequent, but he breathed through it. Cleared his mind and held Sasuke with kind fingers that didn’t leave marks on his skin and found ways to deal with it.
As if it wasn’t all consuming. Sasuke had thought they were similar, for most of their lives, and they were, but Sasuke was… he couldn’t deal with it. He didn’t want some shrink to tell him that he was fucked, he already knew that, he just didn’t know how to be normal when his mind was a constant wave of possessiveness, of pet names and kisses on cheeks, of sex and biting down so hard on his neck that Sasuke tastes blood, of loving someone so much that he wants to kill them.
Be together somewhere better.
They had been together for a while now. It happened naturally, or as naturally as it could for two people coming off a war, one a hero one a prisoner. Both of them meeting the eventuality that was fist fighting turned to fucking. So, they had been together in a boyfriend's way for six months and really no one was surprised and no one really cared.
Sasuke, who hadn’t had a normal relationship of any kind in the formative years of his life, was not used to gentle touches and good morning kisses and pet names and a bright smile every afternoon that made him tea. And Naruto, who despite it all was so fucking caring, had never known constant touch, constant warmth, and they clung to each other in a way that melted both their skin. Sasuke wrapped himself around Naruto because Naruto liked to be hugged and held and Sasuke wanted to crawl inside his skin and fit their bones together. He wanted to be closer, so much closer all the time.
Love was light and bright and partnership. That’s what every piece of literature Sasuke had divulged said. It wasn’t all consuming, he didn’t think it felt like this. Love appeared to be playful and kind, little acts of care and devotion that were equal and comfortable. That’s what it was for Naruto, Sasuke knew- he could see it. Naruto loved with his whole being, with everything he could give and he never asked for anything in return, and for some reason he loved Sasuke.
Sasuke’s idea of love was… he didn’t really know. He would kill for Naruto and some would say that was love. He would kill Naruto, and some would say that was love too. He would kill both of them, wanted to most of the time, to take them to some place better. To be with each other forever- isn’t that what they say?
I will bear the burden of your hate and die with you.
That appeared extreme to the outside perspective, not that Sasuke had told anyone what he felt. But he figured that to some degree, wanting to kill someone to protect them and then killing yourself to be with them was an extreme measure to take with the threat of war entirely gone. There was no reason for Sasuke to feel so possessive, so protective. There were no more threats, there was no one else, nothing else, for either of them. He knew that. Logically he knew that. But he wanted to draw blood on Naruto’s skin and paint his lips with it. He wanted to bruise Naruto with his fingers, carve his name into Naruto’s chest so it would scar and stay there forever.
A shrink would say that a wedding ring would be a much kinder way to show these things.
Sasuke lost his tongue when Naruto was inside of him. He said things he would never say, things he thought about constantly, things he obsessed over but would never say. Only he does say them, he says that he loves Naruto, that he wants to taste his blood and mark his skin. He’ll die if he doesn’t, if he can’t, and Naruto laughs and calls him dramatic, kisses him sweetly and makes him come but Sasuke isn’t dramatic. All they have ever done is love and hurt, pain is the same, he needs to hurt Naruto, needs him to feel what he means to Sasuke. He needs Naruto to know what goes through his mind, these thoughts and cravings, the confusion, the blurry line between; we die together and we kill each other.
Consume me entirely.
And Naruto doesn’t seem to mind. One of them should be normal, so why did Naruto like it when Sasuke clung to him for dear life and pulled his hair and whispered terrible things in his ear? Sasuke couldn’t place it because if they were both attached, grasping for each other in the dark, ready to die for each other, then who would stop them from actually doing it? Naruto liked it when Sasuke bit into his skin and came begging to be inside Naruto’s skin, in his bloodstream. Sasuke thought he was crazy, he knows that he is really, years of manipulation and abuse had broken him down to a weapon. But to think that Naruto, his Naruto, with the light that he carried and the warmth that had always flowed so freely from his smile, would feel the same way Sasuke does, that he would understand, it was terrifying.
Break my bones into pieces.
Sasuke had always been attracted to that warmth. He was scared of it, how could someone who had nothing be so full of life when Sasuke was being drained of his? He thinks that’s where it started, the want. He wanted to be near Naruto all the time, wanted to know everything about him, wanted to be in his mind as much as Naruto was in his. That was easy to mistake for hatred, it still is, replacing it with tenderness was like whiplash. Being twelve and being eighteen, they should be different but they aren’t. Sasuke still felt that attraction to the light like a moth, that longing to get his hands on Naruto in any way that he could whether it was fists or fingers, punches or tongues, that has never gone away. He thinks that this can’t be the love that’s desired by girls, that’s written about so beautifully. This is something dark and festering, this is an urge to be possessed, to be possessive, and really, Sasuke has never known anything else.
Naruto would die for him, would die by his hand. He has said so countless times. And Sasuke would destroy them both, would kill them both, would kill anyone who got in the way of Naruto’s happiness. They were both allowed to feel a little crazy about each other, hadn’t that been what they fought for? That’s what Sasuke tells himself, that’s what he tells Naruto, that’s what he thinks when he buries himself against Naurto, legs wrapped around his waist, arms squeezing his shoulders and back, face pressed into his neck. It’s love, it’s Sasuke’s love, it’s his Naruto.
I am yours completely.