Chapter Text
Himeko, knew that there was no place for her in who she called home, when they pushed her so hard that she fell to the ground of an empty street in the middle of the night, the tear-filled eyes of the one who was her lover looked at her with reproach, with a type of hatred that she never thought she’d perceived from said person, but there they were.
It was winter, she remembered very well that the cold light of the street lighting projected a larger shadow of her beloved over her, which made her feel small, the words spat from that mouth that she kissed countless times intoxicated her veins until her blood coagulated and couldn’t move from her place, perhaps that was what she deserved, to stay on the ground forever.
Certainly, it seemed like a comfortable place if that meant that the woman to whom she gave her nights, laughing and moaning, would step on her to show her that within her anger, Himeko still was worth of something to her but it wasn't like that, she shouted at her something that her brain was no longer registering, perhaps it had to do with their lack of time... definitely with her way of life, then she left.
She followed her with her eyes to notice how a car was waiting for her a street away and everything suddenly fell into place...
No matter how much love she begged for, nothing would be enough to mend her poor heart and that realization was exactly what made her leave the metropolis behind.
She woke up sweating, not because she was having a nightmare or was sick, but because she didn’t have a fan and couldn’t afford to go to sleep with the window open, she lived only on the second floor of a decrepit apartment building in a cheap district from the city that had welcomed her into its arms with indifference.
The only way a bit of air could reach her was by leaving the bathroom door open along with the small skylight, evidently that was not enough, and although Himeko was already accustomed to this hot coastal climate, there were times when the temperatures overwhelmed her.
Immediately a pain settled in her head, making her grunt as she frowned, yet after a few seconds she stood up from her mattress at floor level, to walk barefoot on the polished cement ground until her hands found the door of the fridge, as soon as she opened it, the most surprising thing she found was the light bulb flashing, warning her that it was about to burn-out.
Other than that, there were only a couple of bottles of beer, a half-filled vessel of yogurt, and a brand new can of lemon soda. With the little lighting in the darkness of her apartment, she looked around to remember those two empty jugs, her kitchen was also devoid of water.
The whole scene was thirsty, so defeated she sat on the floor that was barely cold enough, took the lemon soda, opened the can and took three huge gulps that hurt her throat from the sudden gas, she could hardly suppress the noise of the burp that came after her and breathing out through her mouth, she felt a little more relieved.
She leaned on the fridge to enjoy its freshness for a little while, submerged in the viscous darkness of the area, she looked for the stove to see on the digital clock, that it was a quarter to five in the morning, and from that moment on she had four hours left before her next job interview.
Oh, right, work .
She had been struggling with getting one lately, well she had been warned that studying music would make things difficult for her, but going back six months ago she didn't feel the heaviness of her career because the network of contacts she carefully built had eventually left her in a stable position on a record label.
But that opportunity, apart from in the past, was six hours by car and taking the highway from her current location.
She finished her drink and went back to sleep.
...
Now she got off a bus with her semi-wet hair held in a clip, she checked the address on her phone once again, and despite being in the downtown area of the city, she had to walk another ten minutes between streets to finally see an unlit neon sign that displayed the name “Sibylline” with its whitish tubes, and a wooden door with a window below, which had an “Open” emblem, so with still some doubts, she entered the viscera of the bar to be greeted with a citrus aroma mixed with wood cleaner.
The space was broad, not too large to have a scandalously full night, there was a small stage at the back, a bar with all the accessories visible and an odd number of round tables with the chairs turned onto them, among the furniture she could see a brown haired man mopping the floor lazily.
Himeko held the straps of the backpack she was carrying and approached him, with no one else in sight she had no choice.
"Good morning," she greeted, always cordial. “I'm here for the job announcement,” she added.
The man with the beard looked at her from top to bottom as he stopped his cleaning actions.
“Age?”
"Twenty-eight years old," she answered. “I have my application here with me. There wasn't any email address or number to call, so I can leave it and wait for you to call me,” she offered, with a pang of anxiety in her stomach.
Literally the only thing on the sign she saw other than the address was the payment range (which wasn't great but it was decent ), and the list of positions applied for. If it weren't for the fact that a friend of hers had told her that it was a real bar, that they didn't scam people, and that she had worked there at some point in the past, she wouldn't have even bothered to consider such a job option.
The truth was that her food was scarce (more than usual) and if she got sick she would not have enough money to treat her anemia.
“The position you're coming for?” he asked again.
"The pianist one," she answered.
"Actually, here we all do a little bit of everything, especially the newbies," he commented, leaning on the mop stick.
I guessed so, Himeko thought, smiling fakely.
“Our current pianist is very old, in a few months he plans to retire so the position is yours until then. Meanwhile, you can help here at the bar, you know, serve drinks, serve customers, and suddenly cover for some hungover coworker who didn't show up and mop the floors that were her turn," the man mocked, with a laugh as he looked around.
"I don't have much experience as a Bartender," Himeko admitted.
"Bah, we're not savages, We’re going to train you," her interlocutor shook the air. “Do you want the job or not?”
Himeko looked once again at the interior of the Sibylline... and sighed, if they really gave her the full salary that they promised in the advertisement then it wasn't so bad...
And her belly roared in that moment.
"I accept," Himeko said, with a kind expression on her face.
“Great, please follow me,” the man said, putting aside the bucket and mop.
Himeko looked at the floor that was almost completely dry, and stepped on the same places as the man to avoid getting his hard work more dirty.
She followed the guy to an office up a floor of stairs, the place was very orderly, with a few clocks on the walls and photographs of people having fun inside the bar, she took a seat in one of the chairs in front of one of those old, thick desks with several drawers, while the man took out a contract from a filing cabinet... which he then put into a typewriter and began to edit the guidelines, such as hours and salary.
“There, here is your contract. Read it calmly, Mikhail is very transparent and would never add some bullshit but still, I don't want any complaints after,” he agreed, and left a fancy pen next to her.
Indeed, the contract was very well written, there was no doubt that the owner of that bar sought greater transparency among his employees, which reminded her of her friend's words regarding this place, she said that the work environment was very calm but they didn't let you slack off.
It didn't take long for her to put her full name along with her signature.
“Ready?” he questioned "Perfect, my name is Gallagher and I'm in charge when the old man’s away," he said. "And you took the afternoon shift," he repeated, taking the paper in his hands to examine how it had turned out. “Well, you start today”.
“Today?” Himeko asked incredulously.
“Yes, by the time you come I will have your uniform and your trainer. Please arrive on time, there are regular customers who resent lateness,” Gallagher warned, then scratched his beard with a sigh.
"This was... easier than I expected," Himeko admitted.
"We can still fire you, so just focus on your thing and you'll last a long time here," Gallagher suggested, then he yawned hugely, it looked like a missile was going to come out of his mouth.
Himeko nodded, although suspicious, if she got the money within a fortnight then she wouldn't have anything to worry about.
The Sibylline was… peculiar, to say the least. As night fell, as expected, the neon signs came to life, the band tuned up, taking small requests from the public who, contrary to Himeko's beliefs, did come to the bar to fill it little by little.
Mr. Legwork was the owner and current pianist of the bar, the musicians in the band were very young people, Siobhan worked during the day and Gallagher at night and... Himeko, she couldn't stop thinking about the singer who poured her soul out on stage every evening when she came up to sing songs that felt illicit, watching her perform was already illegal enough.
There was something forbidden in the way she intoned the soft words of the lyrics of yesteryear, her movements were never lacking in elegance, and you certainly would never believe someone like that existed until you witnessed her with your own eyes. In the end, she was always left with the feeling of not being worthy of seeing such a spectacle, like watching the love affair between two goddesses, except that the singer made love with art without revealing a single ounce of obscenity .
Himeko believed that even if it were like that, if this show was more… salacious, she would still think that the woman in front of her was untouchable.
On her first day at work she remembered looking at her for a few seconds before taking all the dirty dishes to the kitchen, her gaze fixed on the floor and she stayed there until halfway through the set, poking her head out from time to time to scan that the clients did not need something and to feel an emptiness in her stomach every time her eyes rested on the singer’s soft figure.
The second day she knew that she couldn't hide forever so she faced her performance, and while the set was going on, she started to practice at the bar (taking advantage of the lack of attention to her actions), some cocktails with more strict specifications.
From the third day onwards the charm was too strong, physically that woman was dazzling and Himeko, well... she had spent a few months locked in her misery, without recognizing whether she considered other people attractive or not, so this was far from being a school crush, it was the relief of knowing that in fact, she was not broken.
That her ex had not taken away that ability of her to feel the slightest drop of attraction for other living beings approximately her age.
When she came to that realization at the end of her first week at work, brushing her teeth back at home, she knew she could finally begin to live more peacefully after almost eight months.
When Himeko arrived in that city, there was nothing about her that she could recognize: Her hands could not compose or think of decent stories, her eyes were not able to see through the constant tears that flooded them, her lips pronounced words that sounded alien to her ears that did not want to hear anything else other than the laughter of her beloved in the past.
Having a constant distraction after a constant misery seemed to be just what she needed. Plus, every night she could listen to good music and admire a talented woman.
"And now please welcome our star of the night," said Mr. Legwork, with a half bow, extending one of his arms as he stepped aside.
And there it was Black Swan, this time in an olive green dress, with her hair up with various silver accessories, the shiny costume jewelry necklaces that adorned her neck could always be sold as authentic if she wore them before. There was an absence of her usual gloves and in their place, a ring for each finger rested on elegant phalanges that now supported the hand that Mikhail offered to guide her to the microphone.
Himeko was behind the bar, cleaning some crystal glasses with a soft blue cloth, just like Siobhan had taught her. She learned that most customers placed their orders before the white-haired woman's performance began, so she was also free to be another spectator, hidden in her place behind the counter.
The song with which she opened her performance was profound, with emotionally raw lyrics that fit perfectly with Himeko’s time of restlessness, so without realizing it, she leaned on the bar.
“Let me go away from this lonely town,” Black Swan sang, with perfect intonation.
It was strange, Himeko thought that this woman…
"I don't know how she does it," Gallagher said, "she has a peculiar nostalgia in herself... As if she were constantly overflowing with memories." The man crossed his arms, then turned to look at his rookie companion. “If that makes sense”
" Her gaze is full of melancholy... longing for the past perhaps ," Himeko said.
Gallagher turned to look at her with his eyebrows wrinkled and a half smile on his lips.
“Now that I remember, you don't know each other, do you?”
Himeko shook her head.
"Well, then it's time to teach you a special and I hope you pay close attention, it's the star's favorite over there and she's very special with her post-performance cocktail," Gallagher commented, already getting to work.
It seemed as if the environment was tinted blue, one dynamic and calm just like the deep ocean waters where the whales used to swim calmly, so Black Swan began to move on stage, walking on the air, sliding through the atmosphere until singing side by side with the drummer who wrinkled his brow with a smile, the music vibrating in every fiber of his being.
When the first song ended, an improvisation immediately began.
“The next one has one of the best interpretations given by the master, Ella Fitzgerald; I know my scat needs practice before comparing to her trajectory but please enjoy,” she said with that voice …
Ah, that voice was like liquid velvet that entered her ears easily, diverting to her brain, replacing the blood in her veins, squeezing her heart... It was the musician in her, without a doubt, so she had no problem complying Gallagher's instructions, while her head kept the rhythm of the song.
Jazz was a constant exchange done in the heat, a game, a conversation between so many parts that seemed to speak to themselves until you realized that they were debating the same topic, without dynamism or understanding, there would not be that characteristic swing , and that is why Himeko liked it so much.
The drink was… well, full of dreams. With acidic flavors of red fruits although the tenant colors of blue and purple, the alcohol level was identified a little above what was acceptable for a cocktail but the strong flavor of a cognac with notes of vanilla gave it elegance, definitely worthy from someone like Black Swan.
However; Himeko could not understand the composition of “A Gift of Tears” until the third attempt, and even with her improvement, when Gallagher tried it he made a face along with a “I will forgive you because you are new” which was not a good sign. Not at all for someone as perfectionist as the future Sibylline pianist was…
If she refused, so soon after starting, she thought it could lead to an early dismissal.
So now there she was, her first time at the back of the stage, the space was small and she had to walk down a very narrow hallway with a Pilsner glass in both hands, a napkin that got wet with the condensation on the glass prevented for her skin to make direct contact.
She walked until she saw the only door in the place, with an old and poorly hung sign that portrayed the interpreter's name in a disastrous way. If she had to guess who wrote it, she would say that it was the dog that hired her.
She didn't plan to engage in small talk, just comply with this ritual... because the less people knew about her, the easier her life was, just the superficial was enough.
"Gallagher, I swear that if you bring me GladSoul again..." was heard from the other side of the door before the knob was turned to open it.
Himeko found herself face to face with the same person on stage, not so much time had passed, and her eyes were more... curious up close, the contrast between those colors glowed peculiarly under the flickering light of the hallway and the musician swore that she could feel the atmosphere suddenly getting colder.
"I brought your cocktail," Himeko said, expression neutral but friendly as always, "fortunately it doesn't have any GladSoul in it," she said as she handed her the glass.
Black Swan, smirked, frowned barely perceptible, tilted her head and took a step back, then two as she opened the door wider.
"Please come in," said the singer.
The dressing room was small, tiddy with desk, the classic mirror with lights and an individual armchair, apart from a coat rack with some dresses and a suitcase on the floor. The aroma of the environment was one of sandalwood with something more citrus in the background.
"I saw you," Black Swan said behind her, then the click of the lock was heard. “You are new”.
"I started a week ago," Himeko confirmed, turning around after leaving the Gift of Tears on the table.
Black Swan had a Kleenex in her hand that she used to wipe the sweat from her neck and chest. Only then did the new worker notice that her cheeks looked a little red due to the effort of the presentation.
"Ah, no one here has the courtesy to tell me anything," Black Swan complained, sitting in the armchair next to the desk. “Not even Misha could tell me a single thing about the new employee”
Her posture was relaxed, as if receiving people in her dressing room was a common occurrence. Black Swan passed the napkin a few more times over her skin before putting it aside, and examined Himeko's figure with those peculiar eyes for a few seconds; She thought this recent addition to the team didn't belong in a place like that.
“There's not much to know either. My name is Himeko, I came for the position of pianist when Mr. Legwork retires," she explained.
"I already know that," Black Swan responded, then laughed amused by the situation.
Himeko felt a small spark of pink lighting her cheeks, caused by something similar to embarrassment.
"Everyone here is like a family," Black Swan put her arm on the backrest and then rested her head on her open palm. “Eventually you will be part too”.
"I appreciate your words," Himeko agreed, took the Pilsner glass and extended it a second time to the singer, who accepted it delicately.
This interaction was already seeming very strange to her, but Himeko was not someone who liked to say her personal things in the first meetings with anyone, especially when remembering that the only reason she was here tonight was because of an ex.
“Since we met at the end, I guess we have a week to make up, right?” Black Swan said, then took a sip of her cocktail.
It was as if she had read her thoughts, the singer smiled sideways, the stones of her rings glowing with the light after making certain movements.
Himeko observed the makeup spread on the table, then through the mirror, she saw the reflection of the singer, seeing directly at her.
"There's not much to know, miss," Himeko confessed.
"Please cut through the formalities." she waved a hand in the air. “Furthermore, it is important for coexistence; If you're going to be my pianist we need chemistry”
The redhead started playing with her fingers.
“If… it weren't like that, would my job be at risk?” she questioned.
“Straight and forthright,” Black Swan said. “No, not at all. But art, art shines more when everyone's experiences come together, their memories, talents, coexistence, something similar to a true oasis is formed for those who look at us in the darkness in the background; fragile creatures with their problems that must leave satisfied”
She spoke and Himeko couldn’t help but think about the peculiar way she had to express herself.
"Your musicians are students," Himeko said. “And yet they have been some of the most passionate I have ever seen. A change as radical as replacing Mr. Legwork, will you be able to get used to it quickly?”
The future pianist was not one to waste her time, she needed to know for sure that she would be given the opportunity to demonstrate her skills for a while, otherwise, she had a list on her cell phone of other possible jobs she could get (much closer to her house, too)
“There is no need to compromise the show. And at our expense,” Black Swan asserted. “If they hired you it was for a reason, but I would personally love to know why”
With one more sip of her drink, she sighed after passing her tongue over her front teeth without opening her lips, as if she could taste with each intake that that cocktail was not the same as almost every night.
Himeko turned more in her seat to better face Black Swan... in the air they felt a kind of tension, lightly, but always present.
"Well, you sound like you're shooting for the stars tonight," the pianist responded.
She didn't fully understand why Black Swan was being so incisive about getting more information from her, but she decided to play the same game that was presented to her, and crossed one leg over the other, to appear in a defensive but still ready posture.
"I learned from an old friend that betting everything feeds luck and its chunky pet," Black Swan stated.
"I don't like to talk about my personal life," Himeko admitted, without wavering from her position.
“You’re lying”.
Himeko frowned as she half shook her head, almost stupefied at having been refuted by her own words so simply; In this conversation there were no blank spaces, each one had their own objectives, Black Swan, to soak up in knowledge and Himeko, to protect herself from the wild waves that wanted to undress her at that precise moment.
Still she didn't know if they could put together a good song or not.
“I beg your pardon?”
“I have observed you. You look very determined in this job although you still don't achieve what you exactly came for. If you really wanted not to talk to me about yourself, you would have already left,” the singer stated.
"I'm being nice," Himeko replied. “I admire your work on stage and I wouldn't want us to dislike each other”
Black Swan clicked her tongue and smiling, began to take off her earrings after letting the glass rest on the floor next to her feet.
“Do you like jazz a lot?” she questioned this time.
"I love it," Himeko said.
“Noted, your favorite piece to warm up?” She extended the pair of earrings to the redhead who took them and left them on the table.
“Tangerine”.
“Bright. How formal do you dress on stage?” Now, she took off the shiny necklaces that adorned her neck and repeated the same action.
“Usually with a dress. A Suit if it is autumn-winter”.
“And what do you think of Lalaland?”
“Entertaining”
“Has the right one ever slipped through your fingers because you couldn't communicate well?”
“Yes”.
And at that precise moment, Himeko closed her eyes for a couple of seconds in realization of the statement that left her lips with such simplicity, as if that fact was not one of those that ate her inside the first three months after leaving hell.
Black Swan, for her part, laughed softly, it was a light, melodious sound without any particular malice but a lot of amusement, so much so that it made her thirsty for more Gift of Tears, so she slid as far as she could into the available space on the couch then she drank her cocktail, to be close to Himeko, who had the corners of her lips slightly twisted.
“It wasn't that difficult, right?”
“Not so necessary either”.
The musician crossed her arms, somewhat indignant at the early events.
“I've met a lot of people. Most of them believe that it’s the lack of communication in their relationships that distances them from the right person, in reality it is the lack of understanding,” she said. “I remember my ex telling me that she was going to take her life while she hugged my legs, but we were so poor that there were no knives in the apartment and the only door didn’t have a doorknob on it.
“I'm sorry... that you went through that”.
Black Swan shook her head.
“I understood that, in this current world in which we exist, the most passionate and crazy act of love is not to die for someone, but to live for them, to continue producing ineffable memories together until it is consecrated or, until their time ends”
Himeko looking at the jewelry on the table, absorbed in her own thoughts, took a silver chain and began to tangle and untangle it between her fingers, a way of distracting herself, it could be called stimming even.
"That doesn't make it any easier, does it? Sooner or later, if you insist you will fall without dignity and the only option will be to give up”.
“Of course. You know when it's time to go, but does your brain understand it? Correct decisions are obtained based on social experience, after all”
Himeko sighed heavily and relaxed her posture, at least this woman did not have a vision so different from hers, which made her feel a little relaxed, far from the danger that she felt at certain moments in the past.
"Gallagher, he's probably looking for me," said the pianist, remembering that her main motives were not to start a conversation or stay in the dressing room for a long time.
"Bah, if it were that important he would have come already," Black Swan declared. “Misha doesn't care either, as long as everything is ready at closing time”
“Today there were quite a few people…”
"Himeko," Black Swan called, "You said it yourself, you would like to not have any problems between us. I also need to know if the melody we are going to compose is a harmonious and incandescent one or just another of the bunch," she concluded by placing her cold fingers on the redhead's forearm.
That contact, although simple, was electric, magnetic and just enough to let her attraction win for that ephemeral moment; This woman would become her most direct co-worker, and at that moment, they were alone, safe between the walls of the small dressing room... What difference did it make if she let her curiosity get fed?
“Do you like this job that much?” Himeko questioned, leaning forward a little.
"You have no idea," Black Swan confessed. “The sibylline took me in when the world rejected me, and I plan to get as much use out of it as possible until my journey here ends”
“I suppose your interest in a focal part of the ensemble is understandable. If it doesn't work out then I would ruin your joys here”
Black Swan, tilting her head and raising an eyebrow, took another swig of her drink, now leaving it a quarter away from finishing.
“But I have a hunch that you won't be like that”
“Can you really trust hunches?” Himeko sighed, chuckling sarcastically as she fixed her gaze on the ground.
Black Swan could see a river of sadness overflowing from her words, and her eyes softened with understanding.
“I think that those who share their sadness know each other better”
Himeko looked into her eyes, trying to understand the statement she said, to decipher the thoughts that were in Black Swan's mind, but she only got a little closer.
“Is that so? Perhaps, you could be wrong in your reading and I am just a very bohemian soul”
"It's clear," Black Swan said. “I can see it as clear as crystal but it's far away”
Himeko placed herself more on the edge of the chair, their breaths now colliding with each other, every small noise they could hear immediately.
“Wouldn't you let me reach it?”
That was a terrible breach of work ethic.
But as soon as Himeko saw the small folds in those lipstick-pink lips that needed a touch-up after singing all night, she knew that there was nothing more she wanted than to be able to see now that she could be intimate with another woman in this way, without having the thought of her, bothering her in her mind.
"Only because I like the song we just played," Himeko whispered, before joining their lips in a kiss.
The touch lasted just a couple of tens of seconds, it was delicate, they could smell each other's perfume and Himeko could taste with a different approach the notes of the fruits mixed with something more typical of Black Swan... it was as if she was singing in her mouth, that liquid softness entering her system again.
And it felt good, there was no guilt, there was no erosion of past feelings just…
"Ah," the singer exhaled. “You and I are going to get along very well, my beautiful pianist…”