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“Fuck this shitty ass mall and let’s go home. I’m tired of being around these extras.” is what Katsuki wants to say today.
The idiots in his class decided that on a rare weekday without class or training, instead of everyone fucking off to do whatever the hell they wanted, everyone was due for some class bonding.
And Dunce Face had suggested the not so brilliant idea of getting out of the dorms and hitting the mall for once.
The other shitheads had easily agreed, most people excited for a day when almost everyone in the class didn’t have to be in for an internship either.
Katsuki would have been more than happy to enjoy his day off in his room or doing some light training, but fucking Izuku had looked at him with those bright green eyes and his pouty grin that he weaponized way too damn often to get Katsuki to do things.
So here he was, grumpily sitting in the food court burying his face in the shoulder of his manipulative asshole of a boyfriend who had insisted that having days where the whole class could get together and do something fun were going to be rarer as graduation approached.
Izuku looks so happy though, surrounded by their friends, laughing as he failed to properly chew his food with his mouth closed.
“Get some manners idiot.” He mutters, failing to fully convey the rage inside of him. Izuku only laughs at him, wrapping an arm around Katsuki and pulling him closer, resting his scarred hands on top of Katsuki’s.
Dunce Face and Shitty Hair smirk at him from the other side of the table. He resists the urge to get up and smack them, only because his boyfriend’s hands are gently stroking his now, probably aware that he’s the only thing maintaining Katsuki’s sanity.
He’s not particularly a fan of large crowds of people, never has been, but it’s definitely been worse since the war. Sometimes he’ll turn off one of his hearing aids to tune out the background noise.
Those are also a recent development. He’s had to come to terms with the fact that his explosions are starting to take a toll on his hearing, and his boyfriend had wept proudly when Katsuki had been vulnerable enough to admit he might need some hearing aids as support.
Idiot.
God, if 14-year-old Katsuki could see him now, willingly spending time with a bunch of idiots who he sometimes could consider his friends, in a setting like a mall of all places, just because Deku wanted him to.
Sometimes he can’t believe this is how his life has turned out, but he’s so grateful to the genuine changes he’s made since coming to U.A.
He decides to relish the moment, despite his annoyance of crowds, and sits up a little bit, only briefly taking in the heated debate their friends are currently engaged in over whether Eraserhead and Present Mic were hooking up, and places a soft kiss on Izuku’s cheek.
Izuku looks down at him, his cheeks pink but his face is clearly pleased. He loves the way his boyfriend flushes from the simplest forms of affection, even after they’ve been dating for a year.
Sometimes it fills the pit of his stomach with guilt, at how unexpected affection still feels to the other boy, probably because of everything Katsuki did in their past.
But now he’s proud of the genuine progress they’ve made. He knows he doesn’t deserve Izuku’s heart, but he’s somehow managed to obtain it and he’s not stupid enough to throw it away again. The only thing he can do now is protect it.
Mina and Uraraka coo at the pair, while Kaminari makes retching noises, prompted a slap on his back from Jirou. Todoroki wisely pivots the subject back with a question of “If we’re assuming that they are hooking up, do we think that it’s more than a physical relationship?”
The table bursts into heated discourse once again.
Class 3A has claimed a huge table in the food court, ok they’ve opted to push a few tables in the middle together to fit the 16 or so classmates that were able to make it out today.
Sato, Sero, Hagakure and Mineta (much to everyone’s relief) were caught up internship work, but everyone else from their class managed to make it out.
Naturally, the large group of them does draw attention. Even without their hero costumes, Todoroki and Izuku do stick out with their hair, but with the war 2 years ago, some of the initial celebrity worship has died down and they can all go in public without being assaulted with attention.
Of course, people still came up to them today for a photo or autograph, but its manageable for the most part. Usually it’s Todoroki, Izuku, or obviously Katsuki who are most sought after, but the rest of the class gets their fair share of recognition.
People haven’t bothered them too much so far; the class is probably less approachable in a large group. Katsuki doesn’t notice the two guys approaching their table though until they’re much closer.
“No fucking way? Bakugou? Midoriya?”
Katsuki stills, his heart bursts out of his chest as he turns to see who these random extras are who chose to address him.
He can’t recall their names at the moment, but he grimaces when he sees the faces of two of his former Aldera classmates staring at them with shock.
**************
Izuku feels Kacchan stiffen next to him when their names are called out. Izuku recognizes the voice immediately.
He tries to maintain his calm, but it’s difficult in the face of two of the boys who also bullied Izuku during their time at Aldera.
They don’t seem particularly antagonistic, more curious and Izuku swallows the bile that’s rising up his throat.
They can’t do anything to you now. He tells himself, fighting against the base instinct telling him to run.
Truthfully, most of the boys in their year were egged on by Kacchan, so he can’t imagine they have any lingering resentment towards him, but he hates this visible reminder of their past approaching them with this air of casualty.
“Hi Haru-kun, Kimura-kun! It’s been a while!” He manages, hoping he doesn’t convey any of the anxiety that’s leaking out of him.
Some of his friends eye him curiously, picking up on the bits of tension in his voice. Kacchan simply stares at him, asking with his eyes alone if Izuku is ok.
He smiles at his partner, hoping its reassuring, but Kacchan’s frown is only more deeply set. Still, he says nothing to his old lackeys who are now right in front of them.
The two boys smile cautiously and exchange confused glances. He can’t tell if they’re more surprised to see the way Kacchan affectionately clings to Izuku or see Izuku maintain his air of friendliness.
Probably the former, that’s the bigger change since middle school.
“You guys are graduating from U.A. right?” Haru-kun asks coolly.
Izuku nods rapidly while Kacchan grunts in agreement. “Yeah, where did you guys end up going to high school?”
“We both go to Eishu High School.” Kimura-kun responds, eyeing Bakugou with a slight clench to his jaw. “You good there Bakugou?”
Kacchan finally sits up, removing his head from Izuku’s shoulder but not detangling their arms, eying the boys with disdain in his eyes. He sneers. “I’m fine. Not that it’s any of your business.”
The boys recoil slightly but smirk. “Oh too good to talk to us now that you’re finally a hero?” Haru-kun taunts.
Izuku laughs nervously but glares at Kacchan willing the message What are you doing? Why is Kacchan being so rude?
“So…how do you guys know each other?” Kirishima interjects helpfully, maintaining his normal aura of brightness.
“We um..we’re old classmates from middle school.” Izuku adds, grateful to steer the conversation away from Kacchan’s surly tone. “It’s actually been so long! Great to see you guys! How is Eishu? They’ve got a great science program right! That makes sense, you guys were also so great in science class!”
Although Izuku’s friends are no strangers to his speech dumps, they certainly know him well enough to know when his muttering is because he’s deep in thought versus now, when he’s awkwardly trying to fill the conversation.
His chattering makes Haru-kun bark with laughter. Kacchan tenses up again immediately.
He doesn’t miss the concerned glances of Uraraka, Todoroki, Asui and Ida when they hear the words middle school.
He’s never told anyone the full extent of what he went through, not wanting to relive those experiences or bring up everything he and Kacchan have already talked out extensively.
His friends are smart enough to infer that things weren’t entirely pleasant based on the few details Izuku has shared about not having any friends before U.A. and from how Kacchan treated Izuku when they all first started together.
He knows how much Kacchan still holds onto the guilt from the past, and while he’s glad to know his boyfriend’s biggest regret is his treatment of him, he hates the feeling that they’re beating a dead horse whenever conversations of the past come up.
Kacchan has almost died for him. He’s literally died for him. He apologized on his own accord and shown through his actions time and time again that he’d go to the ends of the Earth for Izuku, and he doesn’t want to dwell on the negative feelings of the past when the Kacchan of today only fills him with warm gooeyness.
Well mostly. Kacchan is glaring at their former classmates now; he has a face on like he’s ready to pick a fight.
“What’s so funny fuckface?” Kacchan snarls, like an angry guard dog. This makes Kaminari and Jirou snicker.
Some of their classmates truly relish when Kacchan gets into protective asshole mode because it’s still a shift to see Kacchan’s rage shifting from yelling at Izuku for being dumb in their first year to arguing with anyone and anything that he perceives as a threat to his boyfriend.
It does give Izuku a sense of pride, knowing his boyfriend would truly do anything for him, but he also finds he’s the one who has to reign in Kacchan’s massive temper if no one else is going to do it.
It’s a tough job.
“Kacchan, chill.” He scolds. “You’re the one being rude.”
They exchange glances with each other, going through a full fight in their heads without having to use any real words.
Kacchan grunts, not happy but he settles back, which Izuku will count as a win. However, it seems that Kacchan’s old friends aren’t willing to just let things be.
“Damn- “ Haru-kun and Kimura-kun are both laughing. “Never thought I’d see the day Bakugou of all people was fucking whipped by Deku. If only you back then could have seen yourself now simping over someone you thought was sooo useless. Things really have changed huh?” Haru-kun says, in between laughs.
This isn’t a sentiment their friends haven’t expressed to them, but usually their tone is more playful. Haru and Kimura sound less amused, and more eager to tease. It feels like their metaphorical claws are ready to come out.
Before Kacchan can even react, some of their friends narrow their eyes and stand up, ready to shut this down.
“Listen- maybe you should go.” Todoroki says. “It seems like this interaction isn’t going to be a pleasant one.”
For anyone who didn’t know Todoroki well, his voice sounds as collected and monotone as he normally does. Izuku can sense the frustration bleeding into his friend’s voice though.
The two exchange glances and continue to laugh. “No listen,” Kimura-kun says, finally calming down. “I’m not trying to be an asshole. It’s just shocking to see Bakugou of all people like this.”
“Yeah, well I’m not still 14 fucker.” Kacchan bites out. “Try fighting through a fucking war and see how that changes things.”
The mood feels more somber, and the two boys have the decency to look more bashful. Izuku breathes a sigh of relief.
“Nothing you fucking extras would get.” He continues. Izuku’s eyes widen the same time as Haru and Kimura. He pinches Kacchan’s arm, trying to get him to stop, but he barrels on.
“Deku is a fucking war hero. Keep his name out of your God Damn mouth.” He almost growls saying this last piece, and while Izuku would normally preen at the unwarranted praise from Kacchan, he doesn’t think this will do anything to ease the tense situation right now.
“Oh that’s rich! A bit hypocritical coming from you of all people?” Kimura snarks back. “We haven’t forgotten where that nickname came from!”
“Alright that’s it.” Kacchan stands up, loosening himself from Izuku’s grip and clenches the table.
“Kacchan…”
He takes a deep sigh, glaring at the two boys across from him and them looks to Izuku. Izuku can see the deep pain in his red eyes resurfacing.
“Fuck this. I don’t need your bullshit.” He turns around to stalk off, saying something about needing to go to the bathroom.
Izuku laughs nervously again, unsure of who to even pay attention to. His friends are a mix of confused, angry, and concerned.
Kimura and Haru look a little too pleased with themselves. “It was nice to see you both.” Izuku musters politely. “I have to go.”
He trails off behind Kacchan. His boyfriend probably needs more attention right now.
**************
Katsuki tries to ignore the tears collecting in his eyes, but he can’t stop the stinging in his eyes. “Fuck.” He presses his palms against his eyes, trying to collect himself.
He had made a mad dash for the bathroom, knowing he was only a second away from losing it. Izuku should be proud of him for not starting a fight.
Fuck. Izuku.
Katsuki left his boyfriend alone to deal with some of his former tormentors while he ran away like a stupid dog with his tail tucked between his legs.
Izuku was so much stronger, braver than him. How could Katsuki run away, not being able to face the assholes he had enabled while Izuku had greeted them with a smile, trying to be the better man?
He couldn’t get the words of his former classmates out of his head. Hypocrite.
He was a hypocrite, wasn’t he? All the bravado now about protecting Izuku couldn’t change the fact that he was the first person to really hurt Izuku.
Well, maybe the second after his asshole of a father. But Kacchan didn’t want to be in the same category as that deadbeat motherfucker.
“Kacchan?” A familiar voice softly fills the room, coming up behind him. Katsuki wills himself to look at the bathroom mirror, his eyes are swollen already from the tears, and Izuku stands behind him, eyes also glistening with tears.
He places his calloused hand on Katsuki’s shoulder. Izuku has hit a bit of a growth spurt since early high school, but he’s still a little shorter than Katsuki. He stands on his toes to place a soft kiss on Katsuki’s cheek.
“Are you ok?” He asks, tightening his grip on Katsuki’s shaking body.
“I should be asking you that.” He finally turns around, placing his hands on Izuku’s hips and looking at him, “Sorry I ran away like a little bitch.”
Izuku laughs. “It’s ok, I came after you pretty much right after. I think you were doing too much though.” He chides, although his scolding is ruined by the way he softly cups Katsuki’s face between his palms.
Katsuki leans into the touch. “Yeah It’s my fault. I just hated the way they expected that I’d still be an asshole to you or something. After all the shit we went through. Everyone knows about the war, about what we did.”
Izuku hums thoughtfully, wiping away Katsuki’s tears gently. The press of Izuku’s thumbs against his skin are soothing.
“Don’t take it to heart too much Kacchan. They haven’t seen us in years. They don’t know any better.”
Katsuki scoffs. His boyfriend is too forgiving and understanding sometimes. He knows he’s fortunate to be a recipient of that himself, but it’s frustrating to see Izuku act like he doesn’t deserve any better than that.
I made him this way. Katsuki thinks, his stomach caving in on himself again. He doesn’t think he deserves better because of me.
“Hey hey. Stop doing that.” Izuku must have noticed the shift in Katsuki’s eyes. “What he said isn’t true ok? How many times do I have to tell you that we’ve worked through shit. You’re not a hypocrite for defending me.” He pecks Katsuki and pulls back beaming at him.
“I’m sorry.” Katsuki leans forward on Izuku’s shoulder. It’s still a wonder how small and safe he feels, wrapped in the affection of the shorter boy. It’s even more shocking to him still how much he craves it.
“I should have stayed with you. It’s my fault for being an insecure asshole who can’t even face up to all the shit I’ve done to you.”
“That’s not true Kacchan.” The younger boy hums softly, properly wrapping Katsuki in a hug.
“You already know how I feel but I’ll tell you again. It really sucked and we both know it wasn’t easy for us to work through all that, but we have. You’ve owned up to it with me, and we don’t owe some former classmates any explanation just because they’re curious.”
How does Izuku always know what to say to ground him? God, he doesn’t deserve this love, but he’s selfish enough to wrap himself in it and never let it go.
Katsuki sniffs. “Fuck- how are you real? I love you.” He presses himself further into the other boy’s warmth, burying his face in soft green curls, kissing the top of his head.
“Love you too Kacchan. Come on.” He pulls back and tugs his hand. “Our friends are probably concerned.”
**************
Izuku wants to feel relieved when he brings Kacchan back to his friends; he seems sufficiently more calmed down.
The tension from the earlier incident still lingers though when they’re back at the table with their friends. It seems most of them can’t make eye contact with him or Kacchan.
“Sorry guys.” Izuku says, scratching the back of his neck. “Didn’t mean to kill the vibe.”
“Stop apologizing when you didn’t do anything wrong.” Kacchan reminds him.
Oh right, he’s supposed to be working on that.
Uraraka laughs brightly, but it sounds almost forced. “You’re fine Deku-kun! We were all just thinking though maybe we should head back and hang out at the dorm the rest of the evening.”
Their other classmates nod, trying to give reassuring smiles, but something feels off. On the bus ride home, some of their classmates exchanged whispered conversations with each other, but they don’t engage with Izuku or Kacchan beyond superficial conversation.
He can sense Todoroki trying to distract them from everyone’s weirdness; he’s the only one who seems relatively normal. Kacchan notices it too, but they both seem to silently agree not to bring anything up until they’re back.
When they get back to their dorms, they’re greeted with enthusiasm by the remaining classmates who couldn’t come out.
“Oh thank god.” Sero groans throwing himself back on the couch. “We’re dying of boredom.”
Hagakure squeals running up to the other girls, thrilled to be surrounded by someone other than boys.
“How was the mall?” She asks. “Did anyone recognize you guys? Ask for a selfie?” She teases.
The class has a friendly competition on who gets the most selfie requests since finishing their first year.
For a while it was between Izuku and Kacchan, but Todoroki has pulled up ahead mostly in the past year; he seems to be the favorite of teen girls everywhere.
Although Kacchan is normally competitive, he doesn’t care for something he considers as stupid as taking a selfie. His gruff attitude is enough to put off many fans out of fear.
“Haha a bit.” Uraraka says.
“What about you Midoriya?” Hagakure asks, turning to him. “I bet all the moms at the mall saw your cute face and flocked to you?”
“Oh.” He blushes. “Nothing like that- I mean I got recognized but it was-“
“Not anyone worth our time.” Kacchan finishes for him, looking a bit like he bit into a lemon at recollecting their old classmates.
This isn’t that out of character for him, so Sero and Hagakure laugh, but they quickly notice the mood die down in the rest of the room.
“What crawled up everyone’s butt and died?” Mineta asks, always one with no read of the situation.
“Did a hot girl hit on Midoriya and piss Bakugou off or something?” He laughs to himself, but his friends’ faces darken as Kacchan growls at Mineta.
“You little grape bastard!” Mineta snickers but backs away.
“So what’s the plan tonight?” Sato asks, coming in from the kitchen, momentarily taking the attention off of Mineta’s question. He’s still wearing an apron covered in flour; he must have been baking something.
“I’m excited for us to play party games. It’s been a while.” He continues.
“Should be fun!” Izuku chimes in, hoping some games will dissuade the bad mood that still permeates the room.
He’s not sure why his classmates have been this put off by the interaction he and Kacchan had with Haru and Kimura, but he can tell it’s obviously something to do with that the way they’ve been cagey with both of them since the incident.
“Are you down for some games Kacchan?” His eyes flicker to his boyfriend with concern. He doesn’t want Kacchan to force himself to socialize if he’s not feeling up to it, but it would also be good to get out of his head for a bit and have some fun.
“If you want to.” He responds softly, sliding an arm around Izuku’s waist and pulling him against his chest a bit possessively, making him flush.
Kacchan isn’t particularly shy with PDA, claiming he doesn’t give a fuck about what extras have to say about it, but he’s extra clingy right now. Izuku doesn’t love the reason for it, but he will relish any opportunity to be openly affectionate with him.
From the corner of his eyes, he sees Uraraka, Yaoyaomo, and Kaminari flinch slightly, which makes him frown.
Are they put off by Kacchan showing him affection?
“I might head up actually. I’m kind of tired.” Mina sighs, obviously fake and makes a show of heading up.
“Yeah…I might do the same.” Kirishima adds unconvincingly.
Sero looks at Izuku and shrugs. “Ok….so was Mineta right?”
He blinks, alarmed. “What? What do you mean Sero?”
He snorts in response. “Everyone’s being weird as fuck. Did something actually happen at the mall? Did Bakugou blow someone up?”
Izuku immediately panics looking back to his boyfriend’s troubled face and starts waving his hands in denial.
“No no! Nothing like that- we just ran into some older classmates and it was mildly awkward. That was it! Nothing like what you’re implying.”
Mina snorts, stopping herself from heading up. “I wouldn’t say mildly awkward.”
“Mina.” Kirishima hisses at his girlfriend.
“No its ok! Really!” Izuku interjects, wanting to diffuse the situation. “I guess I made it awkward! Sorry about that!”
His classmates and his boyfriend all frown at him. Oh right, the apologizing for no reason thing.
“It was my fault mostly.” Kacchan saves him. “I might have almost instigated an altercation, but we walked it off. Nothing to fret about.”
The words seem to assure Sero and Sato, but the rest of their classmates don’t look so convinced.
Kacchan and Izuku but exchange a glance, wondering if they should broach the topic. Finally, Izuku decides to bite the bullet. It’s probably better to address the awkwardness, right?
“We never really talked much about middle school, so sorry we made you guys have to see that.” He says, carefully choosing his next words. “They weren’t exactly my friends but I was trying to be civil. It was from a different time as you know, when Kacchan and I didn’t get along. That’s why it was so weird to run into them again.”
“Not getting along is putting it mildly.” Ida mutters under his breath uncharacteristically. Izuku whips his head to look at his friend. Ida sounded almost…angry.
“Oi! What did you say glasses?” Kacchan barks, also having caught that apparently. Izuku thinks for a second. When he had left the table to go after Kacchan, Haru and Kimura had still been standing there.
He had assumed they’d probably left after Izuku ran off, but maybe their classmates had decided to step in and they’d said…something?
Ida pushes his glasses up and glares at Kacchan. Ida is generally well controlled, but Izuku doesn’t think he’s seen Ida look like this since the Hero Killer incident, as if some great injustice has occurred.
He quickly looks to meet Todoroki’s eyes. Todoroki also looks alarmed at Ida, as he places a hand on the taller boy’s shoulder in an attempt to calm him.
“Ida…perhaps you shouldn’t do this right now.” He advises gently. Despite Todoroki’s calm demeanor, the rest of their classmates look troubled.
“Ok what the actual fuck is going on?” Mineta snaps.
Everyone ignores him.
“Did Haru-kun and Kimura-kun say something?” Izuku finally dares to ask.
“Midoriya, maybe we should talk about this later.” Tsuyu chimes in.
“No- just tell us what happened. I’m sure they said a lot of things that were untrue or not representative of everything! Just let us clear everything up!”
“Mido…”Kaminari finally starts, having been silent for pretty much the entire way back. “I really don’t know if this is a good group conversation.”
He looks Kacchan up and down with an expression that Izuku isn’t used to seeing from Kaminari: fear.
In all the time that Kaminari has been friends with Kacchan, he’s never been afraid to set Kacchan off, regarding him more as an angry Pomeranian with all bark and no bite. Something has shifted with Kaminari.
Kacchan breathes a deep sigh next to him; he’s also picked up on his classmates’ feelings about it.
“Just tell us what those bastards said. If it’s true I won’t deny it. You all know I’m an asshole, but I’m not a liar.”
“That’s exactly what that guy said.”
Uraraka’s face is serious and pained. “Ask him yourself if you think we’re bullshitting. Bakugou is a lot of things but he’s never been a liar.”
The room is silent for a bit. Izuku can feel Kacchan sweating profusely, and his heart constricts. Why does this have to be happening right now? With their classmates?
Kacchan’s already apologized to Izuku many times and shown him through the way he tenderly cared for Izuku after the war that he means it.
Finally, its Kirishima who braves himself enough to speak. “Bakubro…did you really…”
His voice trembles, Izuku has never seen Kirishima’s expression look so heartbroken.
“Did you really tell him to take a swan dive off the roof?”
Kacchan stiffens, tightening the grasp he has on Izuku’s waist and ducking his head down, unable to make eye contact with anyone. He’s certainly not looking at Izuku.
Why don’t you take a swan dive off the roof? Take a swan dive off the roof. Take a swan dive…
The words swirl around in his head; he can still hear the jeering of Haru and Kimura in the background, Kacchan’s voice, uncharacteristically cruel for him, even then.
He knows this is probably Kacchan’s biggest regret, out of all the horrible things he had said and done to him, and the boys had held each other and sobbed after talking through this in therapy.
He knows Kacchan knew it was wrong, the minute the words escaped his lips, and he was too afraid and prideful then to take it back, and Izuku had never thought he was going to do it, but
Izuku feels his throat starting to close. His head is starting to spin. He feels like he can’t breathe. “Kachh-“He tries to ask Kacchan for- he doesn’t know what he wants to ask for.
He just feels himself sinking and the pounding in his chest rapidly increasing until it feels like his heart is beating out of his chest, but not in a good way.
“Izu!” He hears Kacchan’s voice shouting, alarmed, and his boyfriend is suddenly no longer next to him but looking at him with a concerned expression, eyes watery.
He doesn’t know what’s happening right now- but it’s starting to feel like a panic attack. He feels dismayed; he used to get them all the time right after the war but it’s been a long time since he felt like this.
Kacchan of course reacts immediately, with precision. He’s been by Izuku’s side for almost all his panic attacks, giving him water and soft touches and soothing him with his voice until he can come back to himself.
Kacchan steers Izuku to the couch, barking out orders to their friends. He doesn’t process the gentle words Kacchan is saying towards him, focusing on the blonde’s arms steadying him, the soft kisses being peppered on his forehead.
Eventually he calms down, follows Kacchan’s instructions to temper his breathing. He doesn’t even realize he’s been crying until he comes back to reality and hears his own shaky sobs as he throws his arms around Kacchan, clinging to his boyfriend for support.
**************
“Did you really tell him to take a swan dive off the roof?”
Kirishima’s words echo through his brain, reminding him of the worst thing he’s ever done in his entire life.
Izuku has assured him many times at this point that they’ve worked through this, in therapy and late at night when Katsuki can’t sleep, troubled by the demons of his past.
Despite this, he knows the topic is a bit triggering for him and for Izuku. He clings to his boyfriend to ground himself and hold in the rage he feels right now towards his best friend for bringing that up in this way.
Not because Kirishima doesn’t have the right to know what the fuck was going through his head to compel him to say that, but because Izuku doesn’t deserve to be confronted with that thought again, not in front of everyone else.
Before he can even look at the younger boy to gauge his feeling, he hears him weakly mutter his name before falling to the ground in alarm.
“Fuck.” Katsuki shouts and moves to react quickly as possible. He’s not a stranger to Izuku’s panic attacks; both of them had their fair share after the war, but Izuku had been doing so well the last year.
He mentally curses Kirishima, but he knows yelling won’t solve the problem at hand. He directs the idiots to clear out and give him space.
The half and half bastard makes himself useful for once, and dutifully grabs some water while Katsuki navigates Izuku away from prying eyes and brings him to the couch, talking him through to calm him down.
Gradually, he feels Izuku’s heartbeat under his palm slow down to a normal rate, and he can see in his eyes when he’s coming back down to reality.
He’s still sobbing when he wraps himself around Katsuki, which breaks his heart a little.
Kirishima at least has the audacity to look ashamed of himself for springing that up the way he did. Most of the class is gone now, with the exception of Izuku’s stupid nerd squad, and Katsuki’s own annoying friends.
“I’m sorry Mido. That was so unmanly of me to bring that up the way I did.” Kirishima finally says, once Izuku has calmed down and can respond to questions.
Izuku smiles weakly. “It’s fine- I didn’t expect to react the way I did.” He ducks his head as if he’s embarrassed.
He’s stopped clinging to Katsuki, who’s now sitting next to him, but still pressed up against him.
“I don’t think we need to have this conversation right now.” Katsuki is surprised to hear from the half and half bastard. He’s been quiet this entire time, mostly eyeing everyone with a strange look in his eyes.
“If these are things that Midoriya and Bakugou find sensitive and would prefer to keep private, then we’re not helping by prying this out of them.”
Izuku smiles at Todoroki, a genuine smile, grateful for the understanding. Even when that smile isn’t directed at him, it still fills Katsuki with such warmth.
“Thanks Todoroki. But…I feel like you guys have the wrong idea about everything. I don’t want you to think Kacchan is some…well I don’t know what you’re thinking but Kacchan is still the same person you guys know now. Those kids we went to school with, that feels like a completely different life.”
Izuku sounds firm and more confident than he’s sounded all day, but he’s not met with the same understanding that Todoroki seems to possess. Their friends look on with more apprehension.
“Look dude…I just want to be honest with both of you because I care a lot. Judging by your reaction to what I said earlier…” Kirishima trails off and scratches the back of his neck. “It sounds like some of the things your old friends said weren’t entirely false. And I just have trouble dealing with the fact that Bakugou was really has bad as they said he was.”
Izuku frowns in response, seemingly ready to pounce at Kirishima, and the others who seem to agree with Kirishima. Katsuki can understand why Kirishima seems more affected. Since day 1, Kirishima has always been unflinchingly loyal, and saw something worth befriending before he was even tolerable to be around. Kirishima is like Izuku, always wanting to see the good in other people and he’s probably just had his world shattered.
Katsuki places his hand on his boyfriend’s knee to still him. Very few things get Izuku riled up, but he is always quick to come to Katsuki’s defense, even when he doesn’t deserve it, like right now.
“Izuku.” He mutters. “It’s ok. I know you never wanted to talk about it with everyone, but they all know now anyway. They’re entitled to feel differently about me now. I was horrible to you.”
Izuku turns to glare at him, uncharacteristically frustrated with Katsuki.
“No one else is entitled to feel anything about this! All of this happened between you and me before we even met anyone. Why does someone else get to dictate if you should be forgiven or not if I’ve already moved past it. For fuck’s sake, I’ve cried about this enough in therapy with you, I think I’ve earned the right to say that.”
Katsuki raises an eyebrow. Izuku must be really upset if he’s willing to curse. His mild-manner partner rarely goes for the expletives even in the heat of battle. Sometimes Katsuki is lucky enough to draw it out of him when he’s teasing him in bed, but never like this.
He wills himself not to think about that though because being horny doesn’t seem appropriate with all their friends gathered around them right now.
“Deku-kun. You know this is because we care about you.”
Uraraka sounds gentle, but her voice is firm as she addresses Izuku. Katsuki would be reluctant to admit to anyone else, but he’s told Izuku in confidence that he actually holds a ton of respect for Round Cheeks.
She was one of the first friends Izuku had at U.A., and despite the fact she had a crush on him at some point during their first year, she took it in stride when he didn’t reciprocate her feelings and remained as loyal as a friend as she could be. She earned his respect begrudgingly after putting up a real fight during the Sports Festival during their first year, and since then she hasn’t been afraid to stick it to him whenever she felt it necessary. He didn’t take offense to her when she had jokingly (or not jokingly) given him the shovel talk when he and Izuku started dating.
He imagines if he had been alone with her now, this conversation would be going a lot less pleasantly for him.
“You’ve always been defensive of Bakugou, even when he was still an asshole to you during our first year. I thought it couldn’t have been that bad if you were able to be so forgiving of him before he’d ever apologized to you. Some of the things those guys said though were troubling.”
She frowns and looks at Bakugou, once again not one to flinch when calling Bakugou out.
“I was hesitant when you started dating Deku, but I saw how much you did for him after you apologized and I don’t know how hard things would have been for him after the war if it wasn’t for you. But I just don’t know how I can trust you’ll always treat him right when you’re capable of a lot worse. Of seriously physically hurting him and telling him to kill himself.”
She turns back to Izuku, tears starting to well in her eyes. “Deku…I love you but you don’t realize how good you are and everything that you deserve. I don’t know if you ever processed how awful all of those things truly were and that you didn’t deserve that.”
“Uraraka…” Izuku seems taken aback, conflicted on his need to defend their relationship and receive his best friend’s genuine love and concern.
Fuck, the thing is Uraraka isn’t wrong. Katsuki knows that he could be the perfect partner for the rest of his life and he still wouldn’t be good enough for Izuku. Izuku deserves someone who saw all the goodness in him from the beginning and could match him.
For all the change that Katsuki’s made in his life, he’s still arrogant, stubborn and hot-headed. He understands Izuku now, and knows how to give him what he needs, but it’s still never going to be everything Izuku deserves. He knows this.
But Izuku chose him and he has to trust that Izuku knows what will make him happy. At least that’s what their therapist told him if they ever wanted to have a functioning relationship. He can’t and shouldn’t forget the past, but he can’t make the future better for Izuku if he gets stuck.
“I appreciate your concern.” Izuku says, sounding clinical. “But if you guys trusted me to defeat Shigaraki then I would hope you could trust me to make decisions for myself.”
Uraraka flinches, like she’s been accused of something horrible. Glasses also looks a bit offended on her behalf.
“With all due respect Midoriya, that seems like a bit of a false equivalency.”
Katsuki can’t help but roll his eyes at Ida for the patronizing tone. He knows the boy means well, as one of Izuku’s closest friends, but continuing to victimize Izuku is only going to upset him more. He’s particularly sensitive even to this day after he admitted to feeling overly coddled by his peers after the war.
“I don’t see how.” Izuku bites back, as Katsuki predicted quite bitterly, although everyone else is taken aback by his tone. “Everything I went through during the War…you guys were all there for me and I appreciate it but it was heavy and no one else really gets it.”
The besides Kacchan is implied.
Over the years, after working through things in therapy Izuku has gotten better about letting others share the emotional burden, but right after the War no one else really understood.
Katsuki went head-to-head with All for One and literally died and came back to life. He was also the only one who had known the full extent of the OFA secret and somehow understood what Izuku needed after the war.
Their communication wasn’t flawless, but it was easier in a way for Izuku to show him the darker, broodier sides that came out. Maybe there was something to be said about him having seen all of Katsuki’s ugliness for so many years. He didn’t have to worry with someone who he loved despite truly knowing the worst parts of them.
“Deku-kun…I didn’t meant to imply that.” Uraraka responds softly.
Ida nods in agreement. “I apologize Midoriya for the implication.”
“It’s ok.” Izuku smiles at her, already softening. The damn nerd can never really hold his anger at anyone.
“I don’t love talking about this because it was really hard at first. Therapy was the first time I really reflected on everything and it was confusing because all these emotions I hadn’t experienced bubbled back up. I was so mad at Kacchan for a while, I even yelled at him a lot in front of the school therapist.” He chuckles, eyes wet again.
“That was pretty embarrassing. I felt so awful and shitty after but Kacchan really wanted to work through everything with me.” He threads his fingers through Katsuki’s hands for support.
“Sometimes it’s still triggering for me like you saw, but I’ve come to peace with everything over time. And Kacchan makes me feel like I have the right to my feelings and I never have to hide them from him.”
Katsuki squeezes back, proud of his boyfriend for communicating everything so assuredly. Two years ago it was still so difficult to talk about everything when it was so fresh. Izuku struggled to accept that he could have complicated feelings about the War and about their history, but he’s grown so much and finally given his feelings the validation they deserve.
Maybe it’s a good thing this is all out in the open now. It must have weighed on Izuku to not be able to talk about any of this with other people in his life who mattered.
He takes a shaky breath as he continues.
“I understand this changes a lot of things for you guys, and it’s like you’re going through it for the first time. And I know it’s because you love me, but we’ve both done a lot of work. The Kacchan you know isn’t the person he was back then and I just want you guys to trust both of us.”
The others look on, less skeptical now.
“I know how complicated forgiveness is.” Todoroki says more seriously towards both of them.
Oh of course, Todoroki has been less shaken up this entire time. It makes sense considering the history he has with Endeavor.
“I still sometimes am angry at my dad. He was terrible to us, and maybe some people would say he doesn’t deserve forgiveness. But after everything we’ve been through now and how he’s changed; I don’t really care about if it’s right or not. I just wanted our family to heal again so I decided to forgive him.”
Everyone else is stunned into silence, but Izuku and Todoroki exchange glances that seem to convey understanding.
Katsuki and Izuku were two of the first people to know about Todoroki’s complicated family history; that awkward family dinner during their internship is nightmare fuel. He knows that Izuku was the one who really helped Todoroki start the forgiveness process, and all things considered, their family seems to be doing a lot better now.
Todoroki regards him with a nod, which fuck the bastard he didn’t need his approval, but he supposes right now he should be grateful one of Izuku’s best friends doesn’t hate him for what he did, and maybe can actually understand the complexities of such a dynamic.
“Mido…you’re so manly.” Kirishima is crying now, and oh god, Katsuki restrains himself from snapping at the boy. Izuku looks alarmed at Kirishima’s sudden outburst of emotion, but he supposes this is better than the sulking of earlier.
“Bakugou, you’re my best friend and this doesn’t change that. I know you regret things. It’ll just take some time for me to process that. But I know you treat Midoriya well and I’m not worried that you won’t.”
“Yeah he’s still fucking whipped.” Kaminari snorts. Uraraka whacks the back of his head.
Fucking dumbass.
Izuku does crack a grin at that, probably grateful for the levity. And for the verbal reminder that Katsuki is whipped.
He’s never verbalized it, but that little shit knows he has Katsuki wrapped around his finger and absolutely loves it. He preens whenever anyone risks Katsuki’s wrath by pointing it out.
Everyone looks at Katsuki expectedly. He hasn’t said much, wanting to give Izuku the opportunity to speak his piece, but he’s also looking at Katsuki, urging him to vocalize his feelings with his giant eyes.
“There isn’t a day that I don’t remember how colossally I fucked up. It’s shitty and I’m not gonna bother defending or explaining it. I’m glad you know and are mad at me about it because this nerd still doesn’t truly know how much people really care about it.”
He says the last part a little teasingly, gauging Izuku’s reaction from the corner of his eye. He just smiles and squeezes his hand.
“If the rest of you don’t trust me around Izuku, I understand that and I’ll respect it. I don’t take shit without earning it, so I’ll just have to keep showing you that I care about him until you believe me.”
His squad gives him a nod of acknowledgment. Izuku’s nerd squad seems more hesitant. Although Uraraka, Tsuyu and Ida don’t look too happy, they look less ready to pick a fight.
He throws in for good measure, “You don’t need to trust me, just trust Izuku. I know I still fuck up sometimes, but Izuku knows how to put me in my place.”
He brings their joined hands to his lips to kiss his boyfriends ring finger, a gesture that started subconsciously, but evolved into a nonverbal promise.
Izuku beams at him, happy to have his own agency reinforced.
He finds himself getting lost in the emerald sea that is his eyes. He’s such a fucking sap now, but he can’t bring himself to be embarrassed right now.
He still has Izuku, who boldly defending their relationship to their well-intentioned friends and reminded him that they’ve fought through a lot together to have this.
He nearly misses the retching sound in the background.
“Ugh, ok enough.” Mina says. “This has been heavy and I’m glad we talked it out, but I can’t sit here and watch you guys make googly eyes at each other.”
Uraraka and Sero hum in agreement. The atmosphere is noticeably lighter, although Katsuki recognizes that it’s not back to normal.
That’s ok. He feels a bit of relief, that their sordid history is out there for their friends, and eventually they will be able to come to terms with it.
It gives him some validation that their past isn’t going to doom their future.
**************
After the extremely heavy conversation, things are still awkward for a few days. Izuku presumes that their friends fill in the rest of their class on the details of what transpired, for which he’s grateful.
He didn’t really want to go through having these conversations with the entire class, and he’s still a bit embarrassed that he had a panic attack in front of literally everyone over it.
His friends talk to him again privately over the next few days, and he’s grateful for their protectiveness and their attempts to understand despite how it looks to them.
Kacchan is surprisingly in a better mood after, despite the guilt he expected to dominate the blonde’s thoughts.
Kacchan holds him that entire night, feeling a lot lighter, affectionally pressing kisses to his hairline until they both fall asleep.
He observes how Kacchan’s friends shift around him over the rest of the week. There’s still some reluctance there; he can tell Kirishima who also looked up to Kacchan a lot feels a little put out about the whole thing, but he’s really trying and Izuku has faith things will go back to normal.
Mostly, he’s proud of himself for being able to talk about everything. For standing his ground when it’s so difficult for him naturally.
Kacchan is proud of him too. He tells Izuku as much, whispering it into his skin at night when they’re wrapped up in each other.
“You’re so amazing. So bold. I love you so much you stupid nerd.” He doesn’t give Izuku a chance to respond, biting into Izuku’s shoulder, and sucking a bruise into it as Izuku gasps.
Something about Kacchan is lighter now, like he was baring some burden and didn’t even realize it until now.
Kacchan shrugs later when Izuku asks him later that week, tracing light patterns across the blonde’s sculpted arms.
“I think I didn’t realize how much it would mean to me that they could know everything and still trust me with you.”
He gives his boyfriend another kiss, sighing as he turns his back to him and snuggles himself in.
“You’re such a sap Kacchan.”
“Oi!” Kacchan lightly thumps Izuku over the head, which does nothing to deter his giggles. “Take that back you bastard.”
“I’m sleeping now.”
“You little shit.”
This dissolves into a tickle fight until Izuku pleads for mercy, ruing the day that Kacchan discovered that adult Izuku was still as ticklish as toddler Izuku.
Kacchan does pass out quickly after that, always the most regimented when it came to his sleep routine, but Izuku enjoys the warmth of his arms for a bit longer.
He doesn’t always believe he’s here now, as Kacchan’s partner, his equal. His therapist has really helped him understand his value, and he no longer questions whether he is worthy of this kind of love and affection.
Ultimately, he recognizes his friends’ pained reactions from earlier that week as a manifestation of the love they have for him as well. And he acknowledges now that he’s not in the heat of the moment, that it was healing for his inner child.
To have people he cared about be enraged for little Izuku, who never deserved what he went through.
As with other things in life, he knows it’s not going to be the same as what it was before, but he’s learned from his relationship with Kacchan, his relationship with himself, that change is ok.
The scars of the past won’t fade, but they are healing.