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Wilhelm has changed.
Erik noticed it immediately when he picked up his brother from Hillerska to take him home for the Christmas break. He seemed more confident and mature and less like the anxious little boy he had left behind in October. More self-assured and determined and, above all, happier than Erik had ever seen him before.
Erik was glad that his little brother seemed to enjoy Hillerska as much as he did back when he was a border after all.
Two names had come up when Erik asked Wille about the school and whether he’d made any new friends. One was Felice Erincrona, who Wille insisted on being 'just a friend', no matter how much Erik teased him.
The other name was Simon Eriksson.
While Erik knew a great deal about Felice, her influential, aristocratic family, their wealth and over all well respected and admired place in the Swedish high society, he knew nothing about Simon Eriksson. He certainly didn’t come from a noble background, but Erik had never heard the name ‘Eriksson’ associated with the up-and-coming, aspiring investors, either. So, Erik concluded, Simon Eriksson either came from an influential, foreign family he’d never heard of, or he didn’t have a wealthy background at all.
While the lack of information about this Simon worried Erik, it didn’t seem to bother Wille in the slightest. On the contrary, his younger brother appeared almost physically unable to stop talking about him.
The first time his name came up was when Erik asked Wilhelm about the obviously slightly too small, purple hoodie he was wearing. “Oh, that’s Simon’s” Wille had replied, and Erik could have sworn that a pink blush had appeared on his cheeks, “he lent it to me”.
This conversation had opened a floodgate of information, anecdotes and stories about Simon Eriksson. Suddenly it was Simon here and Simon there, Simon this and Simon that. ‘Simon would like that’ and ‘Simon would disagree with you’, ‘Simon said, Simon told me, Simon does, Simon can, Simon, Simon, Simon, Simon’.
If Simon had been a girl, Erik would have got the impression that Wille had a huge crush on her.
Even though Erik was happy that his brother had found such a good, close friend, he couldn’t help but feel uneasy about this strange boy he knew nothing about. He didn’t want Wille to keep the wrong company and get dragged into something he didn’t want. As a prince, you had to choose your inner circle of friends carefully, as people tended to take advantage of you whenever they got the chance.
“Merry Christmas, Simon!” Wille said, grinning down at his boyfriend's face on his phone screen.
“Merry Christmas, Wille” Simon said, his smile matching Wille’s, “how are you gonna spent the day?” Simon asked and Wille opened his mouth, about to answer, when a sudden loud know interrupted their giddy, happy bubble, pulling Wille back into reality.
“Prince Wilhelm! You are to leave for church in ten minutes”
Wille groaned, knocking his head back against the wall. “Yeah, I’m on my way” he shouted back before shooting Simon an apologetic smile.
“I’m sorry, I have to go. Call you later, okay?” Simon just nodded, “I love you”, he added reassuring. “I love you, too.” Simon replied before the call disconnected.
Despite having to put on a stuffy suit and a tie that seemed to strangle him through the entire church service, Wille couldn’t help but smile like a fool.
Simon loved him! Beautiful, intelligent, funny Simon loved him! Even after dating for almost two months Wille still couldn’t quite believe his luck. How could someone as perfect as Simon fall in love with someone like Wille? He wanted to shout it from the rooftops, spray it on the facade of every building, tell the whole world that Simon was his. And yet he wanted to keep Simon all to himself, hidden away in safety so the people couldn’t destroy what they had with their cruel comments and critical, disapproving looks.
But the truth was, Wille hadn’t told anybody besides Felice about his relationship with Simon. Simon had told his best friends, Ayub and Rosh, as well as his mother and sister. That would make seven of them. Wille planned on telling Erik after Christmas, even though he suspected that Erik might have already figured it out on his own, with how often Wille talked about Simon. But how could he not when Simon was the most magnificent person on the entire planet?
“Wille? I’d like to talk to you,” Erik said, inviting Wille to take a seat in the armchair in front of him. Wille sat down, pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his hands in the pockets of Simon’s purple hoodie.
It had been a long day, filled with too many stressful TV appearances, too many photo shoots, too many boring speeches and fake smiles. Wille hated every second of it. He had never liked Christmas, not even as a child, since it had always been just another occasion to show the nation the illusion of a perfect, happy family. Another event where he had to pretend to be a perfect, sweet little prince who adored his princely life, smile and wave at the camera so they could take pictures to print on postcards, calendars, T-shirts and mugs.
“it’s about Simon” Erik specified and Wille couldn’t help but smile. Maybe this was the right moment to tell Erik that he was dating Simon.
Wille cleared his throat, “I actually wanted to talk to you about Simon, too” he said.
“Wille, I’m happy that you have found such a good friend in Simon, I really am” Erik started, and Wille felt his heart drop, maybe it wasn’t the best moment to tell Erik the truth after all, “but you have to keep in mind that everything you do doesn’t only affect you. It affects our family, the monarchy and therefore the entire country.” Wille lowered his head, he had heard this words before.
Don’t be so selfish Wilhelm!
“You have an image to uphold, you are a figurehead of one of Europe’s oldest monarchies, and you cannot risk your reputation, our reputation, over one person. What I’m trying to say is,” Erik leaned towards Wille, “that Simon might not be the kind of person you want to be associated with.”
“What do you mean? Simon is the kindest person in the world, why shouldn’t I ‘want to be associated’ with him?” Wille asked, even though he could already imagine the answer. Simon wasn’t a member of the high society, he was neither noble, nor came he from new money. His mother worked as a nurse and his father wasn’t in the picture any more. And he wasn’t white.
“Wille, I believe you that he is kind, but that is not what other people see. It’s not what the media sees. Wille, Simon is gay” Erik said, with the air of a person, who had to explain to a die hard fan that their idol has murdered someone. Wille frowned, “Yeah, I know. So what?”
“Well, you wouldn’t exactly want same-sex-relationship-rumours about you, would you?”
Wille bit his lip. And there he had been thinking Erik would be supportive, put a hand on his shoulder and tell him that everything was going to be alright. That they would find a way to make this work. That he would have his back, like he always did. But it seemed like he didn’t this time.
“I’ve done a background check on him, because I wanted to know who you are spending all your time with, and he doesn’t seem like the nail-polish and make-up kind of gay, but I still don’t think you should be hanging out with him”
“What the fuck Erik?” Wille exclaimed, “Do you hear yourself? Do you realise how homophobic you sound? It’s almost 2021, we are living in one of the most progressive countries of the world! I certainly won’t stop hanging out with Simon just because some homophobic, old person might dislike him”
“Look Wille, you need to understand that I also want to protect you. As a person. I really wouldn’t want you to end up in a situation that would make you uncomfortable. He might seem like a great friend to you now, but what if he reads something into your friendship that isn’t there and makes unwanted advances? Imagine, just for a moment, he would try to touch you or even kiss you”, Wille’s mind flew back to the moment in the hallway, at the horror movie night. He could still phantom the touch of Simon’s lips on his, could see the scared look on his face when Wille hadn’t immediately kissed him back.
“I don’t want that to happen to you, Wille” Erik said. All Wille could do was shake his head in incredulity. He couldn’t believe Erik had actually just said that. He felt his lower lip quiver slightly and a lump building up in his throat.
“I can’t believe you just said that Erik” he said in a hoarse voice, “You would never say something like that about Felice, even though she is a straight girl and could be very much into me” it wasn’t a question. They both knew it was true.
“Oh come on, Wille. That’s completely different. You can’t compare that"
“Why?” Wille simply asked, “Because Simon is a boy? I can’t believe it. I don’t recognise you, Erik”
He stood up to leave the room . When he reached the door he turned around, taking a deep breath. Now or never.
“I am queer Erik. And Simon is my boyfriend. Like it or not, but it is the truth. That’s who I am. Who I always was. It isn’t a phase, it isn’t going to just disappear or become untrue just because it doesn’t fit into your reality or into your picture of a prince.”
Before Erik could reply Wille turned around and walked away. There was nothing left to say.