Work Text:
Soft dripping noises
WATSON:
Jesus, mate, I can’t believe you- you jumped into the bloody lake!
SHERLOCK:
Watson, as I’ve said, I had a reason! The criminal-
WATSON:
Yeah, the deranged Youtuber who thought it was a good idea to record himself breaking into a supermarket- I mean, really! Breaking into a place just for content! Just to record it for all the world to see- I mean, well, he didn’t upload it in the end, did he? And- Yeah! Maybe I’ve- I’ve also been a bit guilty of that, like in The Creeping Man, but you know- It’s just insane! Who would even think of something like that? God...
SHERLOCK:
..Are you done?
WATSON:
Right! Yep. Yeah. All done. Done-so! Done-alicious- Uhm, yeah. Mate?
SHERLOCK:
Yes. Well, glad we’ve finally agreed.
WATSON:
Uuuhhh, no! We agree the guy is insane, but that doesn’t mean you had to jump in the bloody lake!
SHERLOCK:
I had to procure the evidence!
WATSON:
We could have taken a boat!
SHERLOCK:
You told me we couldn’t take a boat!
WATSON:
Well that’s because I thought you just wanted to take one! I didn’t realise there was important evidence on a tiny bloody island in the middle of the lake!
SHERLOCK:
If you had simply observed-
WATSON:
Sherlock..
SHERLOCK:
If you had simply observed you would have realised! It was-
WATSON:
Sherlock.
SHERLOCK:
You could have asked why I wanted to ride the boat!
WATSON:
Sherlock!!!!
SHERLOCK:
What!?
WATSON:
You’re shaking.
SHERLOCK:
Oh. I am.
WATSON:
Wonderful observation, master detective .
SHERLOCK:
huff
WATSON:
Yeah, well, this is what happens when you jump into a bloody lake . Hey- No! Don’t you touch those freshly cleaned hotel blankets!
SHERLOCK:
I’m cold .
WATSON:
Yeah, well, you’re also in serious need of a shower . Lord. You smell of bird poo and fish!
SHERLOCK:
But I don’t want to.
WATSON:
Oh, yeah, you love the smell of bird poo now? Was it Heather that swayed you on that?
SHERLOCK:
I don’t like hotel showers!
WATSON:
Oh, what? C’mon, Sherls, this place is nice! It won’t be that bad!
SHERLOCK:
ergh. Fine . I’ll take a bloody shower .
WATSON:
There you go! That wasn’t so hard, now was it?
SHERLOCK, MUMBLING:
Stop patronising me.
Sherlock enters the bathroom, muffled clothes shuffling noises
Silence
Sounds of frustration
WATSON:
Er, Sherlock, You alright in there?
SHERLOCK, MUFFLED:
Yes!
Silence
Sounds of frustration
SHERLOCK, MUFFLED:
...Watson.
WATSON:
Yes?
SHERLOCK, MUFFLED:
Erm...
Muffled sounds of struggling with something
WATSON:
..Yeah?
SHERLOCK, MUFFLED:
I can’t.. How do you turn this shower on...?
WATSON:
oh, god... Can I come in?
SHERLOCK, MUFFLED AND DISTRAUGHT:
I’m not wearing clothes!
WATSON:
Okay..? Put something on then.
SHERLOCK, MUFFLED AND OFFENDED:
They’re dirty!
WATSON: Yeah, no, but there are towels in there! Just use one of those!
SHERLOCK, MUFFLED:
Oh. Okay.
Cloth shuffling
SHERLOCK, MUFFLED:
Erm. You can come in now.
WATSON, OPENING DOOR:
Thanks, mate- Oh. Yeah I guess I can see where you were struggling.
SHERLOCK:
Yes.
They both stare at the shower handle
WATSON:
God... What is it with hotels and having the most complicated to use showers- I mean! What even is that little lever for? ...Are you sure you can’t just deduce it, Sherlock..?
SHERLOCK:
Afraid not, my companion... It’s been cleaned thoroughly . The last guests here must have been particularly-
WATSON, INTERRUPTING:
Um, yeah! Don’t really wanna hear about what the last guests were up to! Thanks!
SHERLOCK:
Right.
Silence
SHERLOCK:
I’m still cold.
WATSON:
Right. So I guess I’ll just- try to figure this out then?
SHERLOCK, MUFFLED BY HANDS:
Please.
Struggling noises
Sounds of frustration
WATSON:
Oh, come on! I’m moving it towards the side labelled ‘hot’ but it just won’t go!
SHERLOCK:
Yes. I tried that, too. I don’t understand what’s wrong with it that it won’t go towards the warm setting!
WATSON:
Are you sure you can’t just have a cold one?
SHERLOCK:
Then I would just be more cold!
WATSON:
Hey, take it easy, mate. Good ol’ John W. will handle it all. Here- Let me just-
SHERLOCK:
Watson..
WATSON:
Hey! Relax! Just let me-
Water running
WATSON:
Aha! Oh- Ah that is cold- Here...
Watson makes thinking noises
WATSON:
Maybe if I just pull this lever..? Oh! So that’s how you make it run a bath! Erm-
Struggling noises
WATSON:
How about that...? Oh! Oh, mate! Sherlock, it’s warm!
SHERLOCK:
What? What did you do?
WATSON:
Aha! You just turn it in the cold direction until it circles back to being warm!
SHERLOCK:
What..? Why would they..?
WATSON:
Yeah. Hotel washrooms, eh? But look, it’s warm!
SHERLOCK:
And you figured out how to run a bath?
WATSON:
Erm, yeah! That’s what this lever is for!
SHERLOCK:
What does the other one do then..
WATSON:
Do you really wanna find out?
SHERLOCK:
Um. No. Point taken.
Sherlock claps joyously
SHERLOCK:
You’re a genius, Watson!
WATSON:
Oh, uh, thanks. It’s nothing really..
SHERLOCK:
Now that I can run a bath I can use these bath bubbles!
Sherlock pulls out a box of bath bubbles from seemingly nowhere
WATSON:
..Why did you bring bath bubbles?
SHERLOCK:
In case I had a bath.
WATSON:
Alright. Well, enjoy your bath, mate. Glad I could be of service.
SHERLOCK:
Yes.
Silence
SHERLOCK:
Watson..
WATSON:
Oh! Yeah, uh right! Bye!
Watson leaves and closes the door
Water running
SHERLOCK, CALLING OUT:
Watson! You left your microphone!
WATSON, ENTERING AND PICKING UP THE MIC:
Ah, bollocks! Sorry, mate! Enjoy your bath.
Watson leaves and closes the door
WATSON:
I really need to stop carrying this thing everywhere I go.. God, imagine if it was recording...
Watson fidgeting with the microphone
Sharp inhale
WATSON:
Oh, goddamnit!