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I
“I’ll return to my peak now,” Shen Qingqiu bowed to Yue Qingyuan and everyone else before making a clean one-eighty, completely ignoring Liu Qingge who stood next to him.
“Insolent,” Liu Qingge said under his breath, very aware that everyone could hear him.
“Liu-shidi, the trip we made over the past few days was very tiring. Give your shixiong some grace,” Yue Qingyuan pleaded, feeling the incoming of another fight occurring between the two. Yue Qingyuan knew well what happened when he wasn’t there. He knew how vicious things could get and as much as he’d like to defend Shen Qingqiu from the claws of Liu Qingge, there was no doubt that Shen Qingqiu contributed to their fights just as much.
Yue Qingyuan watched as the elegant emerald robes of his shidi disappeared slowly, watching him with a somber gaze at the bottom of the steps. His chest tightened as he saw him leave. Feelings and thoughts he suppressed every waking moment he was reminded of Shen Qingqiu surged at that moment. Regret filled his mind as he attempted to clear those thoughts.
“I will also take my leave. Make sure to rest for a while, any overflowing tasks needing organizing at your peak can be taken to Qiong Ding,” Yue Qingyuan spoke his dismissal, acknowledging the bowing given to him as he made his leave.
At the entrance of Qing Jing Peak, Shen Qingqiu felt a wave of exhaustion over his body. The soft whirl of spiritual energy he could feel like a light murmur through his veins dissipated greatly. His eyelids felt heavy and before he knew it his entire body was on the ground, clutching to the grass around him.
“Shizun!!” his disciples yelled from around him, he could do nothing to placate their worry as his body fell weaker and weaker. The memory of the mission circulated in his head. He didn’t remember exerting himself very much, if anything he hadn’t done much at all save for when he accidentally took a hit for Liu Qingge, the bastard. But besides that interaction with a quite voracious demon, nothing else would’ve allowed him to be in this state.
“Take shizun to his room, I’ll go and inform Mu-shishu that shizun has fallen ill!” Ming Fan’s voice was barely discernable as Shen Qingqiu felt his body being carried away from the entrance. There wasn’t much he could say even though he wanted to tell them to refrain from calling Mu Qingfang.
He wasn’t in any grave danger. It was probably exhaustion from the untreated hit he neglected since he didn’t want Liu Qingge to know. If his stubbornness was going to kill him, Shen Qingqiu thought, it wasn’t going to be for Liu Qingge’s sake.
Shen Qingqiu fell unconscious with that thought. His sluggish state from before was already enough to give his disciples a heart attack, but his unresponsiveness had made them go into chaos.
Ming Fan, only recently named head disciple had tried to calm everyone down, chastising those who were crying and screaming about their shizun’s health, but even he was dismayed. He’d ordered everyone who witnessed his shizun’s collapse to keep the information within the peak or else he’d punish them severely.
After doing so, he paced for a bit while waiting for Mu Qingfang to come to Qing Jing. Every few minutes or so he would order someone to go to the entrance and check if he had arrived yet. His stance before Shen Qingqiu’s door was nothing short of protective, but if he was being honest he was terrified. He’d never seen his shizun so weak before, so suddenly as well. He half expected that his shizun would just bounce up and complain about them making too much ruckus then tell them to practice techniques for half a day without breaks.
But it had been at least two incense sticks of time, Mu Qingfang wasn’t here and Shen Qingqiu was still unconscious.
“Ming Fan, what seems to be the matter?” Mu Qingfang’s voice appeared behind him like a saint and stopped Ming Fan’s constant pacing in his tracks.
“Shishu, it’s shizun he… he,” Ming Fan tried to get the words out in time but his worry hindered his speech. Mu Qingfang took the initiative and gestured to Shen Qingqiu’s room to which Ming Fan nodded urgently for them to enter.
Once the door had opened, the pair gasped in surprise. Although Mu Qingfang had seen many things in his days as a physician, things that could confuse even the best of doctors in the world, he’d never seen them happen so rapidly.
Before him, on the bed, was Shen Qingqiu’s limp body. His breaths were shallow even as Mu Qingfang got closer to examine him and his hair…
“His hair is white?! Why is shizun’s hair like this?!” Ming Fan thought he was going to faint but he composed himself when he saw Mu Qingfang calmly removing the covers on the bed and examining Shen Qingqiu’s body.
“Hmm,” Mu Qingfang didn’t answer the question, rather he continued humming every time he observed something different. He performed acupunctures on Shen Qingqiu’s scalp, searching for something, but being disappointed when he couldn’t find what he was looking for. “I’m afraid your shizun is entering qi deviation, but it’s strange, this is too sudden. Much too sudden. Do you know if he did something strenuous when he returned?”
“No, Mu-shishu, I and some other disciples were preparing to greet him at the entrance when he suddenly collapsed. He didn’t even say anything, he just fell to the floor,” Ming Fan wanted to add the word “gracefully,” but felt the word was unnecessary at the moment.
“Mm, that makes this more difficult to discern. I’ll have to transfer some spiritual energy into him, go inform Sect Leader Yue, and ask him to wait outside until I’m finished.”
“Yes, shishu,” Ming Fan bowed respectfully before rushing to Qiong Ding Peak.
Mu Qingfang sat up Shen Qingqiu from the torso, there was no response to the sudden movement. Mu Qingfang was worried, to say the least. Few things were unknown to him and this unfortunately was one of them. Although he knew Shen Qingqiu could be quite cruel and odd to his shidis, he was quite impartial if not kind to Mu Qingfang. So Mu Qingfang wanted nothing but to help him recover.
Mu Qingfang sat with his legs crossed behind Shen Qingqiu and pressed two fingers from each hand on opposite meridians on Shen Qingqiu’s back. “My apologies, shixiong.”
Mu Qingfang concentrated the energy swirling through his body to his arms, letting it flow to his wrist then his hands and fingers, pushing it out. The warmth in his fingers was quickly replaced by a coolness as the energy was forced into Shen Qingqiu.
With a cough, hot, red blood splattered on the covers in front of Shen Qingqiu. He’d spat out a good amount that Mu Qingfang refrained from peeking at as he continued.
Shen Qingqiu still hadn’t woken up. His body was now slumped over, the pressure of Mu Qingfang’s hands pushing his body forward. No more blood came out, but he was now stirring much more than before.
“Mu-shishu, I’ve brought Sect Leader Yue!” Ming Fan shouted from outside the doors.
“I’ll only be a minute!” Mu Qingfang replied, eyes still closed and concentrated.
Once he felt that he’d given Shen Qingqiu enough spiritual energy for him to sustain his condition, he readjusted his shixiong on the bed. He removed the sheets and took his pulse while performing one more acupuncture. Now that he’d delayed the deviation, it was easier to tell what he was dealing with. Needless to say, it wasn’t good.
Mu Qingfang exited the room, closing the doors behind him. He noticed the slight nervousness in his sect leader’s expression. It was obvious how hard he was trying to suppress his eagerness to see Shen Qingqiu, but Mu Qingfang kept it to himself. He knew deep down that he’d be the only one to tell.
“I’ve just put him in a stable condition, he was deteriorating fast Yue-shixiong,” Mu Qingfang didn’t want to spring on the severity of his condition on Yue Qingyuan.
“But I heard from Ming Fan that it was quite serious. That his hair was losing its color,” Yue Qingyuan was barely holding back his worry, but he maintained a cool composure as he waited for Mu Qingfang’s response.
Mu Qingfang internally slapped himself for not warning Ming Fan not to say everything when he got to Qiong Ding Peak, but he couldn’t blame the poor disciple, the worry on his face was most adamant from the three of them.
“Shixiong, I’m afraid Shen-shixiong is in deep qi deviation. There’s an excess of yin energy in his body that can’t be expelled out through simple means,” Mu Qingfang sighed out the truth he’d determined from his two assessments.
“Qi deviation? But we just returned from the trip and there was nothing wrong with him,” Yue Qingyuan said worriedly.
“That’s what’s strange about his condition. There’s no sign I can see yet that anything happened to him and even at that, this is just too sudden,” Mu Qingfang brought a hand to his chin, rubbing at it as he thought through possible scenarios that could’ve occurred.
“Well, in the meantime what can be done? I don’t want the other peaks to be worried about this and begin to panic. So it’s best we keep this under wraps while you find a solution,” Yue Qingyuan said.
“His condition improved a bit when I transferred some spiritual energy into him, but the amount he needs is quite large. He’ll need to receive a few sessions of it every other day at least just to keep his condition stable in order for me to find a solution. But I can’t guarantee he won’t worsen even with the sessions,” Mu Qingfang said in one final swoop, dropping all the information he had about Shen Qingqiu’s condition.
“Ming Fan, leave us. Take care of the peak and disciples, you’re responsible until your shishu can find a solution,” Yue Qingyuan dismissed him swiftly. Ming Fan took the order well and bowed to Yue Qingyuan and Mu Qingfang before leaving quickly. Yue Qingyuan turned completely to face Mu Qingfang, after Ming Fan was out of earshot, he held his hands behind his back. “I’ll do it.”
“But Yue-shixiong, he’ll need it every other day. This won’t be sustainable for you, not even someone at your level of cultivation. I’m sure the others will be willing—”
“Do not inform anyone else of his condition. It is my responsibility as sect leader to look after you lot. I can handle this alone.”
“But…”
“That is an order.”
“Yes, sect leader Yue.”
II
Mu Qingfang prescribed some medicinal herbs to both Yue Qingyuan and Shen Qingqiu, one so the sect leader would be able to have enough physical energy after draining himself spiritually and the other so Shen Qingqiu could awaken.
An entire three days from then Shen Qingqiu finally woke up. Yue Qingyuan administered three sessions of spiritual energy into him during that time. But Shen Qingqiu’s hair was only getting whiter, his complexion paler, and his body cooler.
“Why’s it so bright…?” Shen Qingqiu spoke groggily as he woke. His entire body ached and he felt cold goosebumps all over.
“Mu-shidi said to open up the windows to help balance out the yin energy in your body,” Yue Qingyuan answered without missing a beat.
Shen Qingqiu let out a fit of coughs, failing to reply. When he removed his hand, he saw blotches of blood in his pale palm. “Yue-shixiong, what’s going on? Why is it like this?”
Yue Qingyuan sighed and walked over to Shen Qingqiu. He took his arm and felt at his wrist. “Shidi, calm down, if I’d known you’d be this frightened by my presence I would’ve sent your head disciple to stay here in my place.”
“Shixiong?” Shen Qingqiu was getting mildly frustrated as his questions weren’t being answered.
“You’re ill. You’re in deep qi deviation and have an excess of yin energy flooding your body,” Yue Qingyuan relented the information, backing away from Shen Qingqiu and resuming his usual demeanor.
“How?! I only just returned from the trip and I remember feeling a little tired, but… but qi deviation, t-that’s impossible,” Shen Qingqiu began coughing again, this time he held out an arm to stop Yue Qingyuan from coming closer. He stared at his hands in utter disbelief, dismay quickly covering his features. “My cultivation—Mu-shidi, did he say anything about my cultivation being harmed? Will I be able to sustain my spiritual power?”
Before Yue Qingyuan could even reply Shen Qingqiu was crossing his legs on the bed. He rolled up the white sleeves of his shirt and began lifting his hands, guiding them down in the familiar gesture to allow his spiritual power to flow and regulate. Immediately he noticed that his spiritual meridians were blocked, he shook his head and tried again. This time he could tell that his meridians weren’t blocked, they were depleted. Shen Qingqiu let out a frustrated grunt and kept attempting to let his power flow, to unleash what was locking his power away but every attempt was futile. Soon enough, he was coughing again, uncontrollably this time.
“Shidi, stop this!” Yue Qingyuan couldn’t watch anymore. He understood, more than anyone he understood, but he couldn’t stand to watch Shen Qingqiu make futile attempts. “Is your life really not worth considering before your cultivation? Just calm down first and I will tell you what you wish to know.”
Shen Qingqiu stared daggers at Yue Qingyuan before schooling his expression. As if accessing the situation first before he replied, he took in a deep breath and uncrossed his legs, facing Yue Qingyuan.
“I’ll comply, so please Sect Leader Yue, enlighten me,” Shen Qingqiu said, his words were sinister and his tone even worse but Yue Qingyuan didn’t blink. He only took a wet cloth near Shen Qingqiu’s bedside and handed it to him so he could wipe the blood away. Yue Qingyuan then took his time to tell him what had happened over the three days and what needed to be done until Mu Qingfang found a solution.
After Yue Qingyuan finished, Shen Qingqiu took his hair in a wide fist and brought it in front of his eyes. There truly were white strands indicating his deep deviation. There was a moment when he clenched his fist and pulled at his hair before letting go and sighing.
“Every other day, you said?” Shen Qingqiu clarified that he couldn’t stand the idea of doing so for more than he had to. But Yue Qingyuan only nodded. “Do any of the other peak lords know about… this?”
“No, I made sure that nobody else outside a few of your disciples and Mu-shidi would know about this,” Yue Qingyuan confirmed. Shen Qingqiu’s shoulders relaxed a bit, content with the fact that people weren’t aware of his weakness.
“Okay,” Shen Qingqiu said.
“Okay,” Yue Qingyuan hid the smile that wanted to linger on his lips. There was something unexplainable about the way his chest warmed with the idea of letting Shen Qingqiu be dependent on him and him alone. He didn’t address it though, letting thoughts like it get pushed to the back of his mind like he usually did.
“Sect Leader Yue, I brought your food and shizun’s medicine,” Ming Fan’s voice spoke softly through the crack in the door.
“You’ve been eating here?” Shen Qingqiu asked, but before Yue Qingyuan could state his claim Ming Fan was already flying into the room at lightning speed.
“Shizun! You’re awake,” Ming Fan beamed and placed the food down before greeting properly.
“Is that how you come into the room with your shizun and sect leader inside?! Go run ten laps,” Shen Qingqiu chastised instinctually as if he weren’t ill. Ming Fan happily obliged though and practically skipped out the doors. Subsequent coughs followed the exchange and Yue Qingyuan was already behind him, lightly patting his back. “I don’t… I d-don’t need that.”
Yue Qingyuan paused for a moment, staring at the back of Shen Qingqiu’s, the streak of white glimmering from the sunlight. He stood up to bring a bowl of liquid that smelled of intense herbs from the tray Ming Fan put down on the table.
“Drink this,” Yue Qingyuan said, his voice was softer than usual, undetectably so, but it didn’t skip over Shen Qingqiu’s senses.
“This is…” Shen Qingqiu took the bowl from Yue Qingyuan’s hands, bringing it to his nose to smell then wincing from the intensity of the herbs.
“The prescription Mu-shidi put together. He made another for me as well, but I only take it on the days you need the sessions,” Yue Qingyuan explained attempting to let Shen Qingqiu be less against the idea.
Shen Qingqiu looked down into the bowl, swirling it around. “Have you been the one giving me this for the past three days?”
Yue Qingyuan was caught by surprise, he noticed how Shen Qingqiu didn’t look up to ask, how he was looking down into the bowl with a strange expression. He knew he wouldn’t like it if he did.
“Yes,” Yue Qingyuan couldn’t lie. Not anymore. Definitely not now.
“Hm,” Shen Qingqiu downed the bitter medicine in one full gulp. He wiped the corner of his mouth and set the empty bowl down before finally looking up at Yue Qingyuan.
“I appreciate Sect Leader’s assistance these past few days, but I think it’s best if I’m left to my own devices now,” Shen Qingqiu spoke with all his peak lord refinery, no room for argument in his words. It didn’t take much to know he didn’t want Yue Qingyuan here.
“Eat first, you’ve just woken up and haven’t had your first meal yet,” Yue Qingyuan tried.
Shen Qingqiu tensed up, “Okay, but I can do that on my own.”
“Mu-shidi told me to monitor you when you eat,” Yue Qingyuan pushed further, it was a long shot.
“Fine,” Shen Qingqiu sighed, he knew if he didn’t relent now, it’d only be harder to get him out of his room.
Yue Qingyuan nodded. Setting the side dishes along the table before removing the tray. There were two bowls of rice and one set of utensils. Ming Fan was excessive with his courtesy, but it helped Yue Qingyuan now so he was thankful.
“There’s only one set,” Shen Qingqiu stared at the utensils on the table then up at Yue Qingyuan.
“You eat first,” Yue Qingyuan pushed the set towards Shen Qingqiu’s hand, meeting his eye contact without hesitation.
Shen Qingqiu didn’t argue this time. He picked up the perfectly carved set of chopsticks. He picked at the vegetables for a minute before sighing and eating the bland meal.
“Shixiong,” Shen Qingqiu said, looking down into his bowl of rice. He didn’t wait for Yue Qingyuan to answer. “You asked me if my life is worth considering before my cultivation?”
“I did,” Yue Qingyuan replied, unsure of what Shen Qingqiu was implying.
“My life is my cultivation,” Shen Qingqiu said, putting down the chopsticks and looking into Yue Qingyuan with a surety that had no place being associated with his words. “I need you to understand that without my cultivation, I, Shen Qingqiu, am nothing. If Mu-shidi is unable to find a cure, there’s no need to hide it from me.”
“Qingqiu—”
“Sect Leader Yue, please, I’d like to eat alone,” Shen Qingqiu picked up a kettle and filled his cup with tea, taking a sip from it. “Please forgive me for being unable to see you off.”
Yue Qingyuan sighed and got up. He spared one more look at Shen Qingqiu, searching for even the tiniest change of expression. When he couldn’t find it, he turned around and left.
III
Not before long another day passed and the time for Yue Qingyuan to administer a dosage of spiritual energy returned. His walk there was simple and slow but inside himself was a small amount of dread. Negative anticipation, knowing that if Shen Qingqiu’s condition has worsened there was nothing that could be done. Yue Qingyuan knew more than anyone that Mu Qingfang would be working on this full-time but it was still difficult to hold himself back from checking in.
One of his disciples sent in word that Mu Qingfang wanted to check in on Shen Qingqiu in the next week. Yue Qingyuan feared that he’d see the helpless shake of Mu Qingfang’s head as he said that there had been no improvement.
“Shizun! Yue-shibo is here,” one of the disciples spoke loudly at the crack between the wooden doors. When there was no reply after a few moments, the disciple called out once more. Nothing. He looked at Yue Qingyuan with worry.
“Don’t worry, I’ll go in and check, you’re dismissed,” the disciple was wary but relented nonetheless and took his leave.
Yue Qingyuan opened the door, speaking before he looked, “Shidi, it’s me.”
There was still no response. Yue Qingyuan flung the door wider seeing Shen Qingqiu sprawled on the floor, hair spread and robes ragged on his body. His skin was scarily pale and the white in his hair had spread so now only half of his normally luscious black jade hair was bleached away.
“Qingqiu!” Yue Qingyuan bent down to the floor, checking Shen Qingqiu’s pulse. His heart calmed when he felt the dull pulse but the coolness of the smooth skin under his fingers did nothing to calm him down.
He picked up the limp body, lighter than it should’ve been off the floor, and laid him down on the bed. He felt his forehead, small droplets collecting on top of cool skin. Whatever was going on was much worse than Yue Qingyuan initially thought.
As soon as Yue Qingyuan wanted to ask someone to get Mu Qingfang, a hand grabbed at his arm not allowing him to leave. “Shidi!”
Yue Qingyuan looked back, but Shen Qingqiu was still unconscious just aimlessly grabbing for whatever he could find. Yue Qingyuan didn’t push him away, rather he took the hand and placed it in his own, holding on to what he knew he couldn’t if Shen Qingqiu was awake. He let his other hand graze over the pale cheek of Shen Qingqiu’s face that appeared as a cursed beauty.
“No matter what, I’ll find a solution to this,” Yue Qingyuan whispered, bringing Shen Qingqiu’s hand to his own cheek as he promised.
Yue Qingyuan went about his task and lifted Shen Qingqiu to finish the transfer. He noticed the increase in his heart rate when he did so and made a note to inform Mu Qingfang about this. Shen Qingqiu stirred more and more but eventually woke up when his daily medicine was being delivered.
“Deliver it to me once you’re finished brewing the second batch,” Shen Qingqiu heard Yue Qingyuan’s voice, silently struggling to sit up as he watched one of his disciples eagerly take his sect leader’s commands before leaving.
“When did you come in?” Shen Qingqiu asked first, sneering at the bowl of dark liquid when Yue Qingyuan turned around.
“You’re awake and the first thing you ask your shixiong is why he’s present,” Yue Qingyuan spared a smile with his words to Shen Qingqiu’s surprise. “I’ve already put your health in my hands, I didn’t think it’d take you long to come to terms with it. Why not ask how long you’ve been unconscious?”
“I’d rather know the answer to my question, shixiong. After all, it’s not like I didn’t know when I fell,” Shen Qingqiu said, looking away in slight embarrassment. He noticed quickly since he’d awoken a few days ago that he’d become suddenly weak often. Unable to stand on his own or breathe properly, sometimes so painful it he wanted to cough out a brutal amount of blood, but never unaware.
“Is that so,” Yue Qingyuan said with some regret. He handed the medicine to Shen Qingqiu, subsequently hearing the steps of the same disciple outside the door. “Here, take this.”
Shen Qingqiu swirled the warm bowl around between his hands. He felt how it warmed the chill in his body, the fragility of his limbs becoming noticeable when the weight of the bowl seemed all too abrupt.
Yue Qingyuan received something from a disciple, as Shen Qingqiu was about to ask he saw the way Yue Qingyuan’s eyes lingered over him and the medicine. Instead of questioning what was in the light blue cloth, he drank the medicine in one quick succession not wanting him to notice how heavy it felt in his hands.
Yue Qingyuan came closer, pulling a seat to sit next to Shen Qingqiu’s bedside, their heads at equal levels. He opened the blue cloth, tilting it away from Shen Qingqiu’s view.
“Do you trust me, shidi?” Yue Qingyuan asked.
“What?”
“Yes or no?” Yue Qingyuan’s voice became soft.
Shen Qingqiu looked him over, pondering the question in his head. What was trust anyway? He felt himself breathe in and out, feeling the labor that went into it. Did he trust Yue Qingyuan? He didn’t know, but if it’d get him to let it go, what was the point of debating the question?
“Yes, I do,” Shen Qingqiu said.
Yue Qingyuan brought something in a small wrapper that Shen Qingqiu couldn’t identify, “Here.”
By the words in which he spoke, Shen Qingqiu obeyed. Prepared to spit out whatever strange substance he was given. But instead, a shocked expression bloomed over his face when what he tasted was sweet. If someone were to walk in and see the look in Shen Qingqiu’s eyes, one might even define it as pleasant.
Yue Qingyuan suppressed a wide smile as he let out a small laugh. “Qingqiu thinks I haven’t seen the way you look when you have to take your prescription. I’m glad you trust me enough to lighten your experience.”
“You…” Shen Qingqiu didn’t know what to say. Didn’t if he should argue, get mad, or fuse. He just stared at the man in front of him with an emotion that he hadn’t experienced in a long time. “Why’re you helping me?”
“Why would I let you suffer?” Yue Qingyuan’s smile widened, just by a bit.
IV
Two weeks passed in quick succession, and Shen Qingqiu hadn’t fainted like he had before. Things were simple. Yue Qingyuan would come every other day and Shen Qingqiu would be ready with his legs crossed in the middle of his bed. Yue Qingyuan would come behind him and press onto the meridians on his back, sometimes Shen Qingqiu would feel better after, and sometimes he’d cough blood. But each time he didn’t say anything, just one look at Yue Qingyuan before his medicine came in and one small sweet in a brown wrapper.
And his hair continued to get whiter. Each long black jade strand dissipates night through day. His body was getting colder and it was hard to not notice the way Shen Qingqiu looked brittle and fragile.
Shen Qingqiu, however, did not comment on the intimacy happening between him and Yue Qingyuan. He didn’t say anything that he felt wasn’t necessary. He stopped objecting when Yue Qingyuan would help him off and on the bed. When he began feeding him the meals. Or when he started to softly rub at Shen Qingqiu’s back before he poured without restraint every ounce of spiritual energy into him that Mu Qingfang would allow. Soft grazes turned into touches, which turned into holding. Shen Qingqiu excused it because he was weak. He convinced himself every other day that was the only reason. Even an emptiness appeared within his heart when Yue Qingyuan wouldn’t show up the next day. When those alternating days started dragging during the two weeks.
“Shidi,” Yue Qingyuan called into the room, already opening the doors. He no longer waited for disciples to let him in and announce his presence.
“Come in,” Shen Qingqiu allowed, subconsciously smoothing the wrinkles on his robes.
“I brought your prescription this time—” Yue Qingyuan’s words stopped abruptly when his eyes found Shen Qingqiu.
“What’s the matter? Why did you stop so suddenly?” Shen Qingqiu asked when he saw the look on Yue Qingyuan’s face. Shen Qingqiu very rarely saw his shixiong express anything but calmness on his face even when things should’ve irritated him to madness.
“Nothing, it’s just—” Again Yue Qingyuan didn’t say anything and stopped midsentence. This time, however, he went towards Shen Qingqiu, putting down the bowl he held.
His hands went up towards Shen Qingqiu’s head, pausing in hesitation. He didn’t want to touch him. Didn’t want to confirm that what he saw was true.
Shen Qingqiu grew annoyed. Yue Qingyuan was just staring at his hair, not speaking a word. It’d be better if he touched him or just said something. But there he was, creating an awkward silence between them.
“Shixiong, what’re you doing?” Shen Qingqiu turned to look up at him. And now he was silent and unmoving. Before him was an expression on Yue Qingyuan’s face that was indescribable. As if the man were on the verge of tears and fainting all at once, but none of it could be identified on his features. “Why…?”
“I have to call Mu-Shidi,” Yue Qingyuan didn’t bother to answer any of his questions and instead walked away quickly.
After Yue Qingyuan left, Shen Qingqiu mustered all of his strength to get a mirror to see what the issue was.
With a lot of struggle, he was able to lift the copper piece and glance at his head. Alarmed, he frantically grabbed at his hair, pulling at the weak strands to see the layers underneath. Every piece attached to his skull was as white as the clouds in the sky.
Shen Qingqiu had reached peak qi deviation. His body was completely avoidant of yang energy. His cultivation was slipping out of him in copious amounts. There was nothing left.
Yue Qingyuan and Mu Qingfang’s treatments had been useless. His body was only diminishing this whole time.
Shen Qingqiu threw the mirror with all his strength at the nearest wall which caused him to hit his prescription. Brown, strong herbal-smelling liquid dripped over the pieces of ceramic and the copper mirror.
V
Mu Qingfang came in before Yue Qingyuan, his expression already grim before he set eyes on Shen Qingqiu and sighed.
“Don’t bother with the preamble. Just tell me,” Shen Qingqiu said facing his bedframe rather than the two peak lords in his room.
“Shen-shixiong, I’m sorry,” Mu Qingfang exhaled, unable to continue.
“It isn’t your fault, now is it?”
“We can still preserve your life. That I will make sure we can do, but your cultivation… I’m afraid is—” Mu Qingfang gave his final verdict, he didn’t need to complete for the other two to understand. It was simple, you could see it in Shen Qingqiu’s body. The time he evaded with spiritual power was now catching up with him.
Shen Qingqiu busted out in a sinister laughter. He kept laughing, growing more intense and void of any joy. He didn’t stop until he coughed blood, a small dribble going down his chin. “Mu-shidi, don’t waste your time.”
“But—shixiong, just let me check something,” Mu Qingfang tried. Shen Qingqiu still didn’t face him and barely nodded.
Mu Qingfang got closer, observing Shen Qingqiu’s heart rate and pulling at his eyes. Finally, he looked at the head of white, and a bitter expression replaced the grim on his face. He shared a look with Yue Qingyuan that Shen Qingqiu couldn’t catch before he finished the examination and backed up.
“I’ll send someone to bring a few elixirs for you to take. They should help to stabilize your condition so that only your cultivation… is lost.”
Shen Qingqiu didn’t say anything, just blankly stared ahead.
Both Yue Qingyuan and Mu Qingfang left the room. Soft, indiscernible voices discussed something outside before Yue Qingyuan returned to the room alone.
“Qingqiu,” Yue Qingyuan’s voice was tender, but still holding back as it always did when he talked to Shen Qingqiu.
“Don’t,” Shen Qingqiu didn’t bother with etiquette, already prepared for what Yue Qingyuan might say. “There is nothing you could do or say that will change my mind.”
“Will you really not try to preserve your life? Even if I promise that nothing will change?” Yue Qingyuan was begging Shen Qingqiu, even though the latter could hear it, he didn’t relent.
Shen Qingqiu’s laugh was ruthless this time. “Even if you could give me your position and reputation, as long as I remain like this, each moment will be a moment I wish I was dead.”
“Xiao Jiu…” Yue Qingyuan’s voice was strained, raspy, and coated in despair.
Shen Qingqiu finally turned. “What did you just call me?”
“Shen Jiu, it’s me,” Yue Qingyuan tried with everything in him not to look away.
“You?! Who are you? How do you know that name?” Shen Jiu felt the metallic taste of blood coming up into his throat, but he didn’t cough or yield. Every suppressed emotion he locked away years ago thinking he was finally free from his past came together and circulated his despair now.
“I’m Yue Qi,” Yue Qingyuan said.
“No, you’re lying. You have to be lying,” Shen Qingqiu choked the words out, blood trickled down his chin and a terrible spike of pain entered his head. Deep down he knew those words were the truth. It made perfect sense.
Yue Qingyuan’s sudden kindness and tolerance towards him. The way he was so adamant about protecting his shidi. His last fucking name.
“Why would you say this now? When I’m dying?! Are you mocking me for my past? Reminding me where I come from before I die,” Shen Jiu gagged, when he saw Yue Qingyuan attempting to come closer, he held a hand up to stop him. “Don’t you dare. I trusted you, both times you’ve made promises you couldn’t keep. And now you mock me.” Shen Jiu laughed. “Get. Out.”
“But, Xiao Jiu,” Yue Qingyuan tried, his eyes brimming with tears.
Shen Jiu looked at him, giving him a stare that would make others gasp in fear. Then, it was filled with disgust, his eyes red, hot. “Never call me that again.”
Yue Qingyuan stepped closer. Shen Jiu pulled out Xiu Ya, pointing it towards Yue Qingyuan without hesitation. Yue Qingyuan stepped closer once again. Shen Jiu turned the sword towards himself, right against his neck drawing just one drop of blood.
Yue Qingyuan finally relented and left.
Shen Jiu felt as if the breath in him was taken. He could no longer hold the sword and his consciousness. In one swift motion, he fainted.
VI
Throughout the evening and night, Shen Jiu continued to stir around. He broke into a fever at one point in the night causing him to wake from his unconsciousness, exhausted from his emotions he hadn’t noticed the sudden strength in his body.
In the morning, when he woke up, there was a splay of black hair next to his hand. Had Yue Qingyuan had the guts to stay by his side? But when he pulled on the strands he felt the pull on his own head.
He sat up immediately. Dropping on the floor he looked everywhere for the mirror. On the floor, it sat with dried medicine along its edges. Shen Jiu rushed to clean it with his sleeves before he faced the window for the morning light to see his appearance. And there in the copper reflection was his long, black hair. His skin was no longer as pale and sickly. He could feel the softness of his lips rather than the dry, peeling skin.
Then, Shen Jiu sat with his legs crossed on the bed. Rotating his hands around each other, he circulated the spiritual energy within him. What shouldn’t—no, what couldn’t be there was flowing through his veins without restraint. It felt warm and powerful. Years of cultivation brimming right under his skin. Shen Jiu almost cried out in relief. But something wasn’t right.
Just yesterday, Mu Qingfang, one of the best physicians in the cultivation world had looked into his eyes and told him there was no hope. How could this happen? How could he possibly be back to health in one night?
Shen Jiu dressed himself and rushed out of his room. He ignored the joyful cries of his disciples. He took his sword in the air and rode to Qian Cao Peak, something he thought he wouldn’t be able to do ever again. The wind surrounded him and below he could hear the surprised conversations as they watched the Qing Jing’s peak lord soar above the Rainbow Bridge after not seeing him for weeks.
“Shen-shibo,” one of Mu Qingfang’s disciples greeted at the entrance.
“Spare me the greeting, where’s your shizun?” Shen Jiu didn’t bother with proprietary.
“My apologies Shen-shibo, but my shizun isn’t seeing anyone right now.”
“You can either warn him or have me barge in, but I will be seeing Mu-shidi right now,” Shen Jiu didn’t bother letting the disciple ponder on his words, he walked through the entrance and began his journey to Mu Qingfang’s study.
Without hesitation, Shen Jiu was inside searching for him. Each moment that passed, the stranger his sudden recovery seemed. It just didn’t make sense for him to be well without him even noticing it. Shen Jiu didn’t trust it. He didn’t trust anything or anyone anymore.
Shen Jiu found Mu Qingfang buried in a pile of medical books. Shen Jiu moved the books aside.
Mu Qingfang looked up, he didn’t look as surprised as he should’ve.
“What did you do?” Shen Jiu said.
“Shen-shixiong… what’re you doing here?” Mu Qingfang blanched.
“I know you did something to me, so cut it out and tell me what you did?”
“You’ve recovered,” Mu Qingfang was trying to change the subject, but it was obvious it wasn’t going to help him now.
“Overnight, yes, I’ve noticed, shidi,” Mu Qingfang stiffened. “Now, will you tell me where Yue Qingyuan is?”
“Shixiong, he’s at his peak right now,”
“Impossible, there’s no way I could’ve recovered so suddenly and he’d just prance back to his peak. I would like it if you stopped evading my questions and tell the truth.”
“I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep you away for long,” Mu Qingfang rubbed at his eyes, a certain bitterness filled them when he looked at Shen Jiu again. “Follow me.”
Mu Qingfang led him to a different room. It was close to his study and was hidden from the entrance of his peak which was rare since they were mostly out in the open. But this place, a small room in the back of the green peak was boxed in within a garden.
“What…” Shen Jiu breathed out, barely audible. Mu Qingfang led them to the door, he stopped right before them. His hands reached to slide the door open but decided against it halfway.
“Shixiong, I need you to understand that…” Mu Qingfang couldn’t continue. Shen Jiu grew more restless the more his shidi stalled.
“Fine, I’ll go in first then,” Shen Jiu didn’t stop for Mu Qingfang’s reply and helped himself inside.
When he slid the doors open, on the bed laid, like a piece of delicate art, Yue Qingyuan. He looked the same as he always did, strong and defined. The Yue Qingyuan Shen Jiu had come to know so well. But he was still. So completely still, it was hard to sense the spiritual energy that usually permeated the room he was in.
No, Shen Jiu didn’t sense him at all. He hadn’t sensed him since he spotted the hidden building. He hadn’t sensed him since he entered the room. And now that he was making his way over to Yue Qingyuan’s unconscious body lying so peacefully on the bed he still couldn’t sense a thing in the air.
“Why is he like this? Why isn’t he awake?” Shen Jiu’s words were scratchy, etched out with all the sanity remaining in him.
“Last night, after you two had that conflict you fainted. I told Yue-shixiong there was one way to save your cultivation, but it’d require one’s life force. I told him it’d be impossible, that unless more than five high-ranked cultivators decided to give you their spiritual energy there’d be no way to restore it without taking someone’s life. But he insisted. I tried to tell him no, but he was insistent. Shen-shixiong, there was no way I could’ve stopped him,” Mu Qingfang walked closer to Shen Jiu, trying to calm the situation.
Shen Qingqiu’s eyes burned red. He grabbed Mu Qingfang’s collar with one fist, summoning Xiu Ya with the other. He held the tip of the sword to his shidi’s throat. “You get him to wake up or I promise…” he let out a sinister laugh, “you will never see the light of day again.”
“No matter how much you threaten me, shixiong, there’s nothing I can do,” Mu Qingfang didn’t stutter, didn’t flinch. That only confirmed Shen Jiu’s fears. “I’ll leave you two for now. I’m sorry.”
Shen Jiu didn’t say anything. He didn’t do anything. He only let Mu Qingfang go. Xiu Ya clattered on the ground and when Mu Qingfang left, so did Shen Jiu.
He dragged himself to Yue Qingyuan’s side, grabbing onto his chin and turning it softly towards him.
“You bastard. How dare you tell me those things… how dare you make me trust you and get closer to you in those few weeks then just leave,” Shen Jiu’s eyes were watering with tears. They fell and he refused to acknowledge them, refused to acknowledge that Yue Qingyuan was gone. That he finally got to have his Qi-ge back, but he was gone. “I never asked you to give me your life. I didn’t want anything from you. I only asked that you return and save me. We already found each other and you have the guts to run away. Do I not get to be mad at you? To be angry at you for what you did to me?”
Shen Jiu’s tears turned to sobs. His throat became irritated, and his chest burned terribly, the headache he had just a day ago returning so strongly he couldn’t breathe. “All I wanted—all I needed was for you to come back.”
Shen Jiu continued to sob over Yue Qi’s body in absolute despair. Every emotion he kept hidden, bundled, locked away forever and every feeling he harbored for both Yue Qingyuan and Yue Qi came out in those moments right over Yue Qingyuan’s cold, cold body.
On the side of the bed, out of Shen Jiu’s sight, crumbled in several large pieces on the floor, lay Xuan Su, completely unsheathed and useless.