Chapter Text
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“You go ahead,” Olivia told Noah. “Tell Ginny I’ll be there in just a few minutes.”
Elliot watched as the boy ran up to the front door of the large house, letting himself in as if he lived there. From the passenger seat, discomfort radiated off Olivia in waves thick enough for Elliot to detect without even having to look at her.
“If you can’t do it –”
“I can do it,” she snapped, but her shoulders sagged a little. “I just don’t want to.”
Regretting the poor choice of words, he tried again. “That came out wrong. I know you can, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
“And what’s the other option? Let them be blindsided the way I was? At least this way, I can answer their questions without the sensationalizing they’ll get if they read it online.”
Elliot hated to bring it up, but he didn’t want her to be caught off guard the way she was with Noah. He wanted her to be prepared for either scenario. “Liv, I’ve been thinking about it, and you know…I met Ginny McCann when I picked up Noah last year.”
“Donna Reed? I remember. She sent you home with three casseroles.”
Elliot raised his eyebrows at the bite in her tone. “That’s sort of my point. She’s a nice woman, but she’s…probably a bored housewife. They spend a lot of time on the internet. Chances are she googled you before she ever met you, and if she didn’t, she probably has since then.”
“Why would she do that?”
“Didn’t you look into them before you let Noah meet them?”
“Yes, but…I’m a cop. I don’t trust anyone.”
“And you’re an enigma to her. You’re a single, successful woman, a working mother who commands a unit in the largest police department in the country. I’m just saying she may already know more than you think she does.”
He watched Olivia process the possibility, her brow furrowing as a shaky hand moved to rub at her chest before grasping the compass, but she didn’t look at him. She just kept staring at the McCanns’ house like it was something out of a horror film, the scene of a grisly crime. Elliot supposed her only other experiences with houses like this probably were in the professional realm.
A trio of kids younger than Noah whizzed by on their bicycles, laughing as they raced each other down the quiet street, and it felt surreal to him, too, that places like this still existed. Places where no one locked their doors and they let their kids roam freely until the street lights came on.
He and Kathy had raised the older kids in the suburbs, had moved to a nicer house and neighborhood once the twins were in school and Kathy had gone back to work, but even his kids had never enjoyed this type of carefree childhood. He was always too cautious because he had seen too much. And even then, it wasn’t like Olivia was a frequent visitor to his and Kathy’s house. One of the few times he could remember Olivia being in their house in Glen Oaks had actually been for a case, when Janis Donovan held a pregnant Kathy at knifepoint. Kathy had invited Olivia socially a few times, but Olivia never took her up on it. She was always good about putting in an appearance at a birthday party, delivering a gift, but even then, Elliot could sense that she was uncomfortable.
The Olivia he knew would never be at ease anywhere but the city. She belonged there among its teeming streets, equally at home dining in the fanciest of restaurants and prowling Manhattan’s gritty underbelly to take down men that would make Ginny McCann quake in her outlet mall mom shoes. Olivia Benson was a study in contradictions – compassionate but fierce, beautiful but dangerous. But what she was not, what she would never be, was a suburban housewife. He could see that so clearly now, sitting there with her as she mentally prepared herself to discuss the worst experience of her life with a woman to whom she felt absolutely no connection other than the fact that their sons shared a sadistic predator's paternal DNA. He felt bad about it – how he’d sat so smugly in her office last May and poked at her fear of something too normal.
“Maybe she hasn’t,” Olivia finally said. “Maybe they’re as naive as they seem. They don’t strike me as curious people. They asked about Johnny D when we first met. When I told them it wasn't a pretty story, they chose to remain ignorant.”
Her voice was soft, but there was an undercurrent of anger, of accusation and disdain. She didn’t respect these people in large part, if Elliot had to guess, due to their willful ignorance. That they’d had a choice when she never had. She was born into darkness, and who she became, the cause to which she’d dedicated her life, was a direct result of both that grim birthright and the upbringing it catalyzed. Elliot wondered sometimes if Olivia still resented his decade of ignorance, if she would always hate him just a little because in her mind, he’d chosen the light and left her alone with the darkness.
Ginny McCann appeared on the front stoop, waving cheerfully, and Olivia sighed heavily, reaching for the door handle. “I shouldn’t be long.”
“I was planning to come in with you.”
“I know. But I’d rather do it alone.”
Elliot already had his door open, but he faltered. Her words pierced his chest, and he wondered if she was trying to protect him, still trying to control the narrative, or if it really would be easier for her if he wasn’t there. Trying not to take it personally, he got out of the car anyway and jogged around to her side, meeting her just as she stepped out. She looked soft and approachable today, dressed in trouser cut jeans and a loose, lightweight sweater that she had tucked just the front of into the waistband. It would’ve been easier to send her in there alone if she was dressed in her work armor, her self-imposed uniform of black pants and a black top with a tailored blazer. It was harder like this, with her looking like nothing more than a beautiful woman outfitted for a weekend away in the Catskills with her…partner. Or whatever it was Elliot was to her now.
“If you really don’t want me there, I understand. But if you’re worried about protecting me from something –”
“It has nothing to do with you, Elliot. And I’d prefer it to stay that way.”
He didn’t want to make it about him, but it was hard not to take it personally. The drive up had been so pleasant. Olivia was relaxed, and Noah was chatty, controlling the music from the backseat with his Spotify app and peppering Elliot with questions.
“What’s your favorite song?”
“Do you know how to dance?”
“What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever seen my mom do?”
“Did you like living in Rome?”
“Do you miss it?”
“Have you ever been to Paris? We went to Paris with Tucker, but I was too little to remember it.”
“What’s it like having five kids?”
“I know you probably say you love them all the same, but do you secretly have a favorite?”
Olivia hadn’t even tried to rescue him. She’d just looked over at him every so often with an amused expression and listened as her son took it upon himself to interrogate Elliot like he was interviewing him for a damn podcast. Elliot hadn’t minded, though, because he wanted to get to know Noah Benson, and when he told stories about their years as partners, safe stories that wouldn’t give her or her kid nightmares, Olivia rested her arm against his on the console and hooked their pinkies together. At one point, she leaned her seat back and closed her eyes, dozing peacefully for the better part of the second hour.
The trouble started when they got off I-87.
Olivia woke up and rubbed her neck, flipping the visor down to check her hair and makeup, which she had applied differently than usual and somehow made her look younger, gentler, than Elliot was used to seeing her.
“Noah,” she said finally. “When we get there, I’m going to talk to Matt and Ginny for a few minutes. I need to fill them in on what you and I discussed recently about your biological father.”
Glancing in the rearview mirror, Elliot sensed the change in Noah immediately. “What? Why?”
“Because they need to be aware of it and decide how much they want to tell Connor.”
“Mom, please don’t!”
“Sweetie, I have to. I can’t just drop you off there and risk you revealing something to Connor that Ginny and Matt aren’t even aware of.”
“Connor already knows! And he doesn’t want them to know!”
Olivia twisted in her seat to face her son. “You told him? Noah, we talked about this! About how it wasn’t something he should learn from another child, even his brother. You said you wouldn’t tell him.”
“I didn’t tell him! He already knew! Or thought he knew! That’s why I googled you! That’s why I went looking for my adoption papers.” Noah’s volume was inching up, panic evident both in his voice and on his face.
“I thought you said you were looking for photos!”
“I was looking for photos when I went in the closet. But then I saw that box and wondered what was in it.”
“Did you google me before or after that?”
Noah squirmed and looked down at his lap. “Before.”
“Why?” When he didn’t answer, Olivia prompted, “Noah, I need an answer. What did Connor think he knew?”
“I don’t want to tell you.” The boy’s voice dropped even lower. “Please don’t make me tell you. And I don’t want you to be mad at Connor.”
Olivia went statue still for a long moment before she asked quietly, “Did Connor google me first?”
“Yes,” Noah whispered.
“And then what?”
“He thought you had lied about adopting me.”
“Why would I lie about adopting you? Who did Connor think your father was?”
“Mom, please,” Noah begged, his face scrunching up as he tried not to cry. “It doesn’t matter, okay? Connor was just confused. I knew you wouldn’t have lied about that. And I kind of remember Grandma Sheila and her telling me about Ellie.”
Elliot pieced it together before Olivia did, so he had time to pull off the road into the parking lot of a small gas station.
When it finally hit her, Elliot watched her face drain of color. She could barely get the words out. “Did Connor think William Lewis was your biological father?”
Noah nodded reluctantly, obviously miserable. “He said the timing made sense. That maybe you had lied to protect me. So I wouldn’t know my father was a rapist and a murderer.”
“Jesus,” Olivia muttered under her breath, nails biting into her palms from her tightly clenched fists. “You said you didn’t read the articles about Lewis.”
“I swear I didn’t. Connor did. But I didn’t believe him, so I tried to look it up.”
“Why didn’t you just ask me?”
“I don’t know. If you had lied about me being yours, I didn’t want to upset you.”
“I would never have lied to you, Noah. I may not have told you everything, but I would never have lied.”
“I know, Mom. That’s why I didn’t believe him. But Connor wouldn’t let it go. So when I was in the closet and I saw that box, I thought maybe I could just look at the papers to prove him wrong. That our father wasn’t a rapist. But then I looked up Johnny Drake, and he didn’t seem any better than William Lewis, so I just closed the browser.”
Olivia made a concerted effort to control her breathing. “Okay. Well, what does Connor know now?”
“Nothing. I haven’t talked to him because you got mad at me when I asked you about it.”
“I wasn’t mad. I was…I was trying to prevent something like this from happening. I was trying to make sure you were old enough before you found out all of those things.”
“I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry.” Noah finally broke down into tears.
Olivia was out of the car in an instant, her own discomfort forgotten as she crawled into the backseat and cradled her son in her arms. “Oh, sweetie. You have nothing to be sorry for. I just want you to come to me first from now on, okay? The internet can be a difficult thing to navigate at any age.”
She sat back there with Noah for as long as it took him to calm down, until he finally asked, “Do you still have to talk to Matt and Ginny?”
“You know I do. I can’t keep this from them. They won’t trust me if they find out I knew about all of this and didn’t tell them. I would be furious with them if they knew about this and didn’t warn me.”
“So can I at least tell Connor he was wrong? I don’t want him thinking the man who hurt you is our father. My father.”
It was funny how a child’s mind worked. Noah was still more concerned about Olivia being hurt than the fact that his birth mother had been raped, trafficked, and murdered by men following his birth father’s orders. But then, Olivia was alive and warm and there to comfort her son whereas he had never known his birth mother. Ellie Porter was and would likely always be something of an abstraction to Noah.
“Just let me talk to Ginny first, okay?”
“Okay,” Noah agreed. “Mom?”
“What, baby?”
“I know Johnny D was a bad man, too, but I’m glad it wasn’t William Lewis.”
“It wouldn’t have mattered to me, Noah. No matter how you came into this world, I wouldn’t have loved you any more or any less than I do. And that’s all I need you to believe.”
“I love you, too,” Noah whispered, his face buried in Olivia’s chest.
When he had finally settled back down, Olivia suggested, “Why don’t you run in and splash some water on your face?”
Once Noah was gone, Elliot asked. “You okay?”
“I’m just mad at myself for letting it go this long. For losing control of the situation.”
“You had no way of knowing.”
“Connor’s older. He met his birth mother. He remembers being abandoned by her. I should have seen this coming.”
“Stop beating yourself up. You’ve handled it well, and because of that, Noah’s handling it well. That’s all that matters.”
“Except now I have to have a conversation with the McCanns about two of the worst predators I’ve ever dealt with in my thirty years in law enforcement.”
But it wasn’t about the predators. It wasn’t even about Johnny Drake. It was about William Lewis. It was personal. And Elliot wanted nothing more than to lend her the support now that he hadn’t been there to give her back then.
“I know it’s not about me,” he reassured her. “But it’s about you. And even though you may not believe it yet, you matter to me, Liv. I want to be there now whenever I can. Whenever you’ll let me. So if it’s something you want to do alone, I get it. I’ll be right here when you’re ready.”
He was standing close enough to see the whites of her eyes redden as they filled with emotion yet again. Close enough to hear the little hitch in her voice when she admitted, “I don’t want to do it alone. I just don’t know how to let you do it with me.”
Elliot ran his hand down her arm and gave her hand a squeeze. “All you have to do is let me walk beside you. We’ll figure the rest of it out.”
She rested her temple against his cheek, curling her fingers around his. “You make it sound so easy.”
“My life has always felt easiest when you were there beside me.”
“Elliot,” she breathed.
“Yeah?”
“You know I’m a sure thing tonight, right? You don’t have to woo me.”
Elliot perked up. He honestly hadn’t known any such thing after the turn the day had taken. When she messaged him the previous afternoon and informed him that she was waiting until this morning to drive Noah up to Woodstock so she could talk to the McCanns, Elliot had acted without thinking because he just wanted to spend time with her. He didn’t want her alone for the weekend, and he didn’t want to be alone for the weekend.
Let me drive the two of you up.
You don’t have to do that.
I want to. And since you have to get him home Sunday, let’s just stay the night up there.
An hour passed before she responded. An hour of Elliot’s stomach fluttering nervously while he prepared for the hopefully short-lived undercover op he would start Monday morning.
I think I can make that work. Fin’s back today from vacation.
It surprised him, her easy acquiescence.
She followed up with:
I can look for hotel rooms tonight.
Was she serious?
Room.
We only need one room.
And I invited you. I’ll take care of the room.
Another half hour passed.
It’s a date, then, partner. Can’t wait to see what you come up with.
Elliot hadn’t had a date since the years he and Kathy were separated, and even those were nothing and no one special. Before that, Kathy had been his only girlfriend. They were kids. They didn’t date. Not like this. He had no idea what a woman like Olivia expected from a date weekend. He just hoped he didn’t disappoint her. It wasn’t like Woodstock was known for its five star accommodations. But Elliot knew he wanted privacy and a hot tub. He wanted to see if she’d put her money where her mouth was on the whole skinny dipping thing. But he couldn’t find an air bnb that looked nice enough for her. He settled on the nicest hotel he could find, one that was only eight miles from Woodstock. It didn’t have a private hot tub, but he was able to commandeer a luxury suite that boasted a jacuzzi tub, a king size bed, and the promise of room service.
He wanted her naked as much as he could get her, but he also just wanted to spend time with her. To be the one who offered her a break because he would bet she hadn't had many of those since assuming command of SVU and becoming Noah’s mom. He didn’t like to think about her alone those years he was gone, juggling motherhood and taking care of the victims along with her squad with no one to do the same for her. He wondered if Cassidy took care of her. He wondered if Tucker did.
He snaked an arm around her waist and closed the rest of the distance between them. “Let’s just see how you feel when we leave here.”
“I usually leave here needing to scream. I have nothing in common with these people, and what I’m about to discuss with them is only going to widen the divide.”
“Sure you do. Your kids are brothers. But we don’t always have to be friends with our family.”
“They’re not my family,” she reminded him, her tone leaving no room for argument.
He sensed he was making things worse, so he changed the subject again. “I was trying to say that there’s no pressure tonight, Liv. There are no strings. We can have a quiet night.”
Her free hand landed in the middle of his back as she returned his hug, and she lingered, like she was drawing strength from him. “I just said I would need the opposite of quiet when we left here. You don’t think you’re up for the challenge?”
Elliot wasn’t sure what to make of her sudden teasing, the one-eighty in her mood. He wanted to believe it was this, that she wanted him here with her but felt like she shouldn’t. That she craved his presence as much as he did hers. Maybe she was as tired as he was of going it alone all the time. Maybe this trip was just what they needed to settle into one another.
“What? Making you scream? I’m always up for that challenge.”
She hummed contentedly against his cheek. “Something to look forward to, then, when this is over. Come on. Let’s go give Donna Reed something new to talk about at her next Pampered Chef party.”
“What the fuck is Pampered Chef?” Elliot asked as they headed towards the woman watching them unabashedly from the front steps.
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When Ginny McCann first met Olivia Benson, she was captivated by the down to earth career woman from the city with the wary, watchful eyes. She hoped they could be friends not just for the boys' sake but because Ginny could use a friend who was interested in something more than bake sales, gossip, and Pampered Chef parties. She didn’t regret giving up her career to be a mom because she and Matt had tried so long and spent so much money to have a child that when the adoption agency finally entrusted Connor to their care, she vowed to give him the perfect childhood no matter the personal cost. But she had a degree in English, and she missed talking to people about literature and ideas rather than playdates and fundraising. So when Olivia perused her bookshelves the first time she brought Noah to visit and started talking animatedly about Anna Kavan, Ginny had high hopes.
But it didn’t take her long to realize that even if Olivia had the time or inclination for a new female friendship, the other woman was too guarded to open herself up enough to actually build one. From what Ginny had seen, Noah’s mom was an island unto herself. She was always pleasant, incessantly polite, and incredibly warm, but she kept her distance. Any time Olivia was in their home, which wasn’t often because sometimes the woman didn’t even step over the threshold when she arrived to pick up Noah, Ginny could tell that she just wanted to leave. Something in the home Ginny had worked so hard to create made the other woman uneasy, but Ginny tried not to take it personally because she didn't think it was.
Sometimes Olivia’s dark eyes were sad. Sometimes they reminded her of a trapped animal. Ginny used to wonder if the captain had been in a relationship at one time and had lost him (Or her? Ginny could maybe see it being a her.) tragically and if being at the McCanns’ house reminded her too much of what might have been. She asked Noah once, casually, if his mom had ever been married or if she had a special friend.
Noah shook his head earnestly. “No. She says it’s just the two of us. Team Benson. And that’s all we need.” Then he shrugged. “She doesn’t really trust many people.”
Ginny thought that was the understatement of the year. So maybe Olivia had been in love once and lost him, or maybe he’d hurt her, and being confronted with the life she could have had was too much for the woman. Who knew, really, because Olivia certainly wasn’t talking.
And then last January, the big, bald detective showed up to drive Noah home. At the time, Ginny hadn’t thought much about it because the other man, Olivia's sergeant, had been the one to drop Noah off less than a week before. It horrified her to think of Olivia being attacked on the street outside her home and for Noah to have witnessed it. She didn’t really know anything about this woman or her life, and she decided then that she didn’t want to know. It was probably for the best that they hadn’t become friends because Ginny liked her nice, quiet, safe life too much to be tangled up in whatever danger and drama came with a friend like Olivia Benson.
Then she wondered if that was why Olivia walked through life alone. If she had lost people because of her job and if she kept others away to keep them safe. But if that were the case, it seemed irresponsible to bring a child into it, and Noah was such a sweetheart. Connor loved having him around, and so did she and Matt. She never minded having him stay with them as long as his mother’s drama stayed in the city where it belonged.
Either way, it made Ginny sad for Olivia. No matter what Olivia thought, she needed someone other than her son, and Ginny hoped she would find someone someday who wouldn’t run from the horrors that came with Olivia’s job. Someone who would stick around long enough to break through that seemingly impenetrable wall Olivia had built around herself.
Now Olivia was sitting on Ginny’s back deck as ruffled and inarticulate as Ginny had ever seen her. She didn’t look like a cop today. She looked pretty and gentle, but she also looked like she was about to come out of her skin. For starters, she couldn’t sit still. She was pacing the small deck like she may just turn and leave on a moment’s notice.
Ginny was trying her best to focus on Olivia’s words, but the man was there. The detective that Noah said had been her partner when she was still a detective. He’d grown a beard since Ginny met him briefly that day last January, and he looked older, harder – murderous, even – as Olivia launched into a story about a psychopath Ginny had no desire to hear.
Thankfully, Olivia stuck to the bare bones.
“Before I found Noah –” Olivia rose to her feet again and started pacing immediately.
Found. That was an odd phrase. Not adopted or got as Ginny and Matt sometimes said of Connor. Found.
Ginny’s eyes flitted to Detective Stabler. Elliot. He was still perched on the outdoor sofa, but when Olivia stood up, he leaned forward, resting his ropy forearms on his thighs like he was fighting the urge to follow her.
“Before I found Noah, we collared a perp for something trivial, but we suspected him of a series of rapes and murders. But our charge didn’t stick, and we didn’t have enough proof of the others. They let him go.”
There was too much going on, and Olivia was speaking in cop code, like someone from the shows that were always running on the USA channel. Ginny couldn’t keep up with it all. She couldn’t decide whether to watch Olivia or her partner. The partner was more interesting because he was a novelty. Olivia had never brought someone with her before, and Ginny had seen them together out on the street. She saw the way the man stood close to Olivia, the way he touched her, and the way Olivia let him. How she leaned in and pressed her cheek to his. She wasn’t uncomfortable with this man’s touch the way she’d been the one time Ginny had made the mistake of trying to give Olivia a quick side hug.
There was an easy intimacy about them, one that didn’t seem new, but that didn’t make sense because Ginny had asked Noah about Elliot Stabler on more than one occasion. She knew now that Elliot had been Olivia’s partner but that he had moved to Italy. She knew his wife had died a few years ago and that he had five grown children, so he had moved back to New York to be closer to them. But she also knew from her most recent query that Noah had only met him once or twice.
What Ginny saw between Elliot and Olivia hadn’t been built in one or two meetups. No. It had been forged over a lifetime. She would know because she had been with Matt for over twenty years, and they didn’t even have this level of comfort . They didn’t walk in perfect unison, and they weren’t drawn together like magnets. Their shoulders didn’t drop with relief when the other was close enough to brush against.
And that made Ginny wonder just how close these two had been when they were partners. If they had picked up where they had left off an appropriate amount of time after his wife died. But three years was a long time. A year Ginny could see. That was respectable. But three? Was three years what it took for two seemingly decent people to forgive themselves enough, to finally decide to move forward, for an affair they’d had fifteen years ago? Or was there more to the story? Because that was definitely a story Ginny was interested in hearing.
The one Olivia was trying to tell was not.
“He fixated on me because I…belittled him in interrogation.” Olivia looked like she was having trouble swallowing. Like her mouth was too dry to get the words out. “He broke into my apartment and abducted me,” she finally managed. “Assaulted me,” she added hoarsely.
Now she had Ginny’s undivided attention.
“Olivia, I’m so sorry,” Matt murmured.
“It was…it was a long time ago. I eventually managed to get free and take him down. There was a trial. They sent him to prison, but he escaped and tracked me down. Lured me in. I won’t go into the details, but he ended up committing suicide. His name was William Lewis.”
Ginny finally spoke. “Why are you telling us this?’
Olivia looked like she didn’t want to answer, like she couldn’t, and it surprised all three of them when her partner spoke instead.
“Connor googled Liv a while back. He came across the old news articles about Lewis.”
“Oh, God,” Ginny cried.
Detective Stabler continued. “He became convinced that Lewis may have been his and Noah’s biological father.”
“What?”
Ginny couldn’t process why Connor would think that unless…she glanced at Olivia. “I thought you adopted Noah.”
“I did,” Olivia assured her. “I did. William Lewis is not his father. Or Connor’s.”
“Oh, thank God,” she said without thinking. “I can’t imagine the horror of having a rapist as a father.”
It all happened so fast. Olivia’s tone sharpened. “Well, some of us don’t have to imagine it. Some of us have lived with it our entire lives.” And the bald, bearded man who looked like he would be right at home among hardened criminals was on his feet in an instant.
Matt stood up, too, as unnerved as Ginny was, but Elliot wasn’t even looking at them. He had moved to stand near Olivia, to shield her from them.
“It’s fine,” Ginny heard her say. “El, I’m fine.” Her voice dropped so low Ginny couldn’t really make it out. Then, “Not everyone is as desensitized to all of this as we are.”
Neither of them looked desensitized to Ginny. They both looked traumatized.
Ginny stood up shakily. “Olivia, I’m sorry.”
Olivia took Elliot’s hand between both of hers, clasped it like he may not behave himself if she didn’t tether him to her side.
“I know it’s a lot to take in. And up until now, I’ve shielded Noah from all of it because like you said, it’s not something a child should ever have to deal with.”
She led Elliot back to the sofa, forcing him to sit beside her, their legs touching from hip to thigh. But she didn’t release his hand. She settled it there on her thigh, still trapped between both of her own hands. Ginny wondered if she was doing it to soothe him or herself. She suspected a little of both.
“Don’t tell me Connor told him!” Ginny was horrified.
“It’s okay,” Olivia assured her. “I probably should have already talked with Noah before this, but like you, I wanted him to stay as innocent as he could for as long as he could. Anyway, Noah didn’t want to believe that Lewis could be their father, so he went looking for his adoption papers, which did have their biological father’s name listed on it.”
“So now they know…”
“Noah does. I spoke with him about it. He got scared when he googled it and said he closed the browser. He hasn’t told Connor yet because I told him that it needed to come from you. And I know the two of you decided you would rather not know, but…this is where we are now. I can answer your questions, or I can just give you his name and let you look it up yourselves.”
“But he’s not…I mean…”
“He’s dead,” Olivia assured them. “He was one of my cases. He opened fire in court, and my partner shot and killed him.”
Ginny’s eyes shifted uneasily to the hulk of a man sitting beside Olivia. She knew that cops and soldiers had to do things like that sometimes, but she had never been confronted with the reality. She had never had a killer in her backyard before. She wondered if Olivia had ever taken a life and if so, what toll it had taken on her.
“Not Elliot,” Olivia assured her. “My partner after him. But none of that matters.”
“So this man, their biological father, he wasn’t a rapist?”
“He was,” Olivia said quietly. “He was a rapist and a sex trafficker, and he had Noah’s birth mother killed for cooperating with the police.”
“Jesus. How much does Noah know?”
“Just the basics that I’ve told you.”
“The basics?” Matt asked. “You call that the basics?”
Olivia extracted her hands so she could use them to placate Ginny and Matt. Ginny had noticed that she was adept at that. Calming people. And it seemed her partner, who didn’t extract his hand from her thigh, was adept at calming her.
“Okay. So I know it’s a lot to take in, but the thing we have to remember is that kids are resilient. As long as they feel loved and safe, they can handle a lot more than we think they can. We just have to get ourselves in the right frame of mind to talk to them and answer their questions. Connor doesn’t know yet, and Noah promised not to tell him this weekend. He understands that you need to talk to him yourselves the same way I did with Noah. But Noah isn’t going to stay quiet about it for long. If Connor brings up Lewis again, Noah’s going to straighten him out. He doesn’t like Connor believing that the man who…”
Olivia stumbled a little, like she still didn’t want to admit what Lewis had done to her, like she wasn’t allowed to be human. Like she was supposed to be as untouchable as she seemed.
“Noah doesn’t want Connor thinking that the man who hurt me has anything to do with him. They were both…” She trailed off, shaking her head, maybe not wanting to call their children’s biological father a monster. “But it’s a sticking point for Noah. So you’ll probably want to speak with Connor about it sooner rather than later.”
“What was his name?” Matt asked.
“Johnny Drake.” Olivia cleared her throat. “If you want, we can take Noah with us now so you can talk to Connor. Or we can let them visit and then pick him up in a little while if you want time alone to talk to Connor.”
Matt looked at Ginny for confirmation. “Connor would be devastated if he missed his weekend with Noah. If you’re comfortable leaving Noah here, we want him to stay. If the subject comes up while he’s here, we’ll let you know.”
Olivia nodded, looking relieved to have the whole conversation behind her. “Since all of this is so fresh for Noah and for both of you, we’re going to stay close tonight. We won’t ever be more than twenty minutes away if you need us.”
So they were a we and an us, and they were apparently spending the night together . Ginny was glad for that. She didn’t want any part of these people’s lives, but she was glad they had each other. She was glad Olivia had someone who could handle this. Someone who could handle her, though Ginny wasn’t sure between the two of them who required more of the handling. She had a suspicion they took turns and that either one of them would be too exhausting for most people.
She tried to pay attention to what Olivia was saying. “And when you do talk to him, maybe try to impress upon Connor, the same way I did Noah, that the internet can be overwhelming for anyone, much less teenagers. Let them both know that they can always come to any one of us if they have questions.”
“Of course. I’m just so sorry. I’m mortified that Connor started all of this.”
It was Elliot who put her at ease. “Hey, that’s what kids do, right? They keep you on your toes. I could tell you stories about mine that would make this look like nothing. And with all the technology in this day and age, it’s impossible to stay ahead of them.”
“You can barely stay ahead of your mother with technology,” Olivia teased, and it was the first time Ginny had really heard her do that. She was never relaxed enough around them to let her guard down even momentarily. “I was just thinking on the drive up about that time Eli put your home cameras on the loop so he could sneak out. Made me feel a little better about my parenting.”
“Hey, you’re the one who can’t work the coffee machine at my place,” Elliot shot back.
“That doesn't count because that thing is way more complicated than a cup of coffee should be.” Olivia stood up, smoothing out her pants. “Elliot and I will get out of your hair, but please call if you need anything.”
“Have you eaten? You could stay for lunch,” Ginny offered.
“I appreciate the invitation, but we were planning to check out downtown this afternoon.”
“Are you sure? We’d love to have you.”
Olivia looked uncomfortable again. “You know, this has been a long couple of days. I’m not really the best company right now. Maybe some other time? But please let me know if anything comes up with the boys.”
Ginny walked them to the door and watched as they strode towards the car. When Elliot opened the door for her, Olivia didn’t get in right away. Instead, she glanced over her shoulder before placing her hands flat on his chest and saying something Ginny unfortunately couldn’t hear.
The man’s eyebrows rose up onto his forehead, disappearing into what would have been his hairline if he had hair, before his face split into a huge grin. Then he tipped his head back and let out a laugh loud enough to be heard a mile away. Olivia relaxed, too, amusement dancing across her features, and it took years off of both their appearances.
Elliot’s arms closed around Olivia, one around her waist and the other just between her shoulder blades, drawing her into his embrace. Olivia went willingly, dropping her chin onto his shoulder and just resting there for a minute with her eyes closed.
Ginny loved Matt. She loved their home and their child and their life together. But she wondered what it would be like to have the kind of connection Elliot and Olivia shared. For a moment, she was wistful, but then she remembered the haunted look in Olivia’s eyes as she forced herself to utter William Lewis’ name. The dangerous gleam in Elliot’s when he perceived the slightest threat towards Olivia. She thought about the tattoo on his forearm, recognized it as military, though she wasn’t sure which branch. She had a feeling that even though he hadn’t been the one who killed Johnny Drake, he had killed before. Probably more than once.
More than anything else, Ginny thought of the wariness and weariness they both carried. She suspected theirs was a bond born from needing something, someone, to believe in when the rest of the world couldn't be trusted. From looking evil in the eye over and over and losing a little part of your soul each and every time, and she was glad they had each other now, no matter how it started all those years ago.
But Ginny decided it wasn’t worth it. She would keep her boring life. Her book club and bake sales and the comforting predictability of sex on Tuesdays. Elliot and Olivia could keep whatever this was…because she suspected it came with too high a price for most people.