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There Larry sat, in his room, mindlessly rocking his spinning chair side to side. He had something well occupying his mind. Not long ago, he had just been downstairs having a conversation over pizza and a couple drinks with the boys he lived with, a typical night for the house he lived in.
Childhood memories was the topic of the chat, more specifically things like first kiss stories and middle to high school relationships. The group went around, jumping into each other’s conversations and giving their input on embarrassing and rather funny things that have happened to them that revolved around that very topic. They had some good laughs, a few jokes here and there, and everyone was bonding with each other. However, Larry had begun to notice something that got his mind wondering.
“Dude, I remember I kissed this girl, back in like, what, grade 10?” Isaac said before taking another bite of his food. “And, she told me like-right after, that I was a good kisser. Still carries on with me to this day.”
What Isaac said earned a couple woo’s from the group, Yumi even jumping in to yell “Hell yeah!” in a way of applauding him, and giving him more of an ego boost then the previous statement already had. The room was filled with smiles and impressed faces, but most important of all, the tension of friendship bonding between each of the guys in such a way. A way that was different from anything else.
“This one friend I had…she used to have a crush on me for the longest time-eventually we did get together, and then…” Nick explained, continuing to stay on topic. He cleared his throat. “I kissed her hand? Like, the back of her hand-I don’t know, awkward, it was school days, okay? But, I remember her being so shy afterwards, dude, I swear, I rizzed her up that day.” Nick laughed among the other people who did the same in response to his story, Isaac joking back at him and making him giggle in fake annoyance.
The group continued to talk over their meal together about humiliating moments, core memories from school, people they remember, all that. The sound of laughter and loud chatter filled that living room, a sound everyone was so used to.
Everyone went back up to their rooms a while ago, and Larry started to think back to what was said. He couldn’t help but feel something in response to the two stories mentioned by his friends. It wasn’t anger. It sure as hell wasn’t disbelief.
Jealousy, maybe?
He didn’t know.
All he knew is that the more he thought about it, the more he realised. The few times he’s had kisses in high school, he was never told anything like what Isaac said. He never saw any visibly loving emotion in the person’s face like Nick described. He knew logically it was high school and most of the time, relationships in that era don’t last more than 6 months, but it really got him thinking. It really got him comparing.
He believed his friend’s stories were true, they wouldn’t make something up like that on the spot. They were genuine people to Larry. He just felt a little lower on the pedestal now that it’s to his information that they got more luck in school relationships than he ever did. The relationships he’s had, well, they never held up. He saw a few girls, and was in a talking stage with maybe one or two guys. The kissing part of it was usually for a dare, or something dumb like that. No real emotion. Just for play.
And Larry felt as if he was the one to blame for that.
He figured, if he hadn’t been assured of his kissing skills, or anything among the matter, why would people do it with him for real? Was he really that low on the mental tier list of everyone he knew?
He sighed. Laying in his room, he took note of the environment around him. The lights sat slightly dim and rather calming, the evident chatter of whoever was streaming in the other room could be heard (he figured it definitely wasn’t Isaac), and the idle, dull buzz of his PC humming monotonically as it was left on and untouched, filling his ears with somewhat of a white noise.
As the thoughts passed through Larry’s head, he began to get a little angry with himself.
Why do I keep letting myself think about this?
Why can’t I just be as good as everyone else?
Why does my stupid brain need validation from other people?
Why can’t someone just tell me I’m good, even if it’s just to tell me?
…
Larry had an idea, and his brain struck the silent chord for a few seconds.
No , he then figured to himself as he eyed the door, that’s a horrible idea . I can’t just go in there and ask. That would be weird. I would be using him. That’s fucked. Especially since it’s my best friend.
He eyed the door again.
He simultaneously wondered, what would really happen if he went through with his idea? What’s the worst that could happen? Would he even really care all that much? It’s not with any weird intentions, so, so what?
He gulped, and took a long exhale, almost as if he had just taken a drag of a cigarette. He braced the fears his brain gave him and stood up, walking towards the door lazily, and heading straight to the room of who he calls “T”.
Larry stood in front of the door. He listened, and to his observation Tanner was being awfully quiet in there. Almost unnaturally quiet, and he started to wonder if Tanner was even in the room. He only ever got this quiet when he was upset. Or sleeping.
“Tanner?” he gently knocked on the door. “Tanner, I-uh-”
“Yeah?” a voice is heard from the other side of the door, inviting Larry to open it.
He caught sight of Tanner’s room, his eyes wandering around to the decor he has set up. His rather unmade bed dressed in grey sheets could look him in the face if it had one. A black shelf sat against the wall displaying plushies, LEGO builds, ironically enough, paired with a picture of Larry right beside it, plastered and hanging on the wall. That was only up for the funnies, though. Right.
And last but not least, Tanner rocking himself side to side on his gaming chair, the glow of his screensaver hitting all the spots on his skin, highlighting his face and his eyes.
“You just invitin’ yourself in?” Tanner joked, chucking to himself as if what he said was meant to be funny to him, and not his friend.
“Uh-” Larry laughed nervously. “Sorry, am I interrupting something? I can go, I just nee-”
Tanner opened his arms. “Oh, no! Not at all, man! Come in, come hangout.”
Larry then walked in, throwing himself onto Tanner’s bed, the faint smell of weed in the air becoming more prominent the longer he stayed in the room. It really made him crave a blunt to ease his thinking.
“What’s up?” Tanner quizzed.
Larry took a nervous breath, now being confronted with a rather risky situation. He was thinking of how to put it. He surely wasn’t gonna just say, ‘ Oh, Isaac and Nick made me jealous so I’m asking you to give me an ego boost so I can say I’m a good kisser too, even though I don’t have much experience’, no.
“Uh-this is gonna sound weird, I feel like…” he shied away, hiding his face in his hands and dreading what’s to come out of his mouth next, to which Tanner replied.
“Don’t worry, I won't tell anyone.”
“Fuck, okay, you know the thing we were all talking about earlier?”
Tanner nodded, listening and observing Larry’s visible anxiety. His eyes darted towards his bouncing leg, then back up at his flushed face.
“It had me thinking. I, kind of never really was told I’m a good…a good kisser, like Isaac and Nick have been told. Or anything, for that matter, I guess…”
Tanner tilted his head and scrunched his face in curiosity, smiling a bit.
“Well, that’s okay.”
“No, no.” Larry argued. “I-uh, I mean, like…what if I’m just, not a good guy to be in a relationship with? Like, that’s gonna impact my future…” his voice sadly cracked, ending the sentence.
“Dude, dude, calm down.” Tanner put his hands out, scooting closer to the latter. “You’re just fine. And just because no one has told you, doesn’t mean you aren’t .”
“Well, how do you know that?”
Silence.
Fuck, Larry thought in a panic. I really shouldn’t have said that.
“...Can you…?” Larry quietly asked, half of him hoping Tanner wouldn’t hear what he said.
“Hm?”
“Uh…” he shook his head. “...I really don’t know how to say this.”
Larry folded his lips inwards, and then spoke.
“...I think I just need someone to do it with, you know, for experience…and you, you tell me if I am, you know, if you’re kind of, picking up what I’m putting down.” he looked up at Tanner with a look of guilt, as if he really shouldn’t be asking for this. He hoped he would get the hint, and-
“You’re saying you want me to practice with you? And tell you you’re a good kisser?” Tanner squinted his eyes. The interest in his eyes seemed to grow, it being evident in his pupils. He looked Larry up and down.
“Do you mind?”
“Just get over here, will you?” Tanner giggled, making Larry smile and get up, walking over to his best friend as he had his waist skillfully grabbed, and his lips clashed with the pair of another.
It didn’t feel real for the both of them. Tanner was probably high. That explained the weed smell, but did Larry give a shit? No. For one, he would still get his input, and for two, the taste of the marijuana on Tanner’s tongue was something he liked.
They stayed like that for a few seconds, soon pulling away. Larry stood in a towering position above Tanner, although their height difference would tell anyone that it was supposed to be the other way around.
“So…” Larry mumbled. He got more and more coy by the second, his lips glossed by his best friend. Can he even call it that anymore? He didn't know, the swarming feeling in his stomach was too loud for him to think right now.
Tanner breathed out, head tilting up.
“Jeez, Larry, just…”
And just like that, they were at it again.
Before he knew it, Tanner’s grip on Larry had pushed him forward, causing him to wrap his legs around the man he kissed, sitting in his lap and facing him with his arms snaked around his neck. The way they were seated was so risky, and the fact that one of the other Group members was live this whole time unaware that their two friends were slotting faces was insane, and a little mind-spinning to the both of them. They didn’t wanna admit that, though. Their tongues continued to dance in close proximity with each other, slowly entering each other’s mouths when they weren’t gasping for air.
“You’re good at this…” Tanner pulled back and whispered into Larry’s ear venomously, earning a grunt from him.
“Cut that out.” Larry playfully smiled. “You’re making me nervous.”
“What? I thought that’s what you wanted to hear…” Tanner snapped, obviously enjoying how shy his friend got, especially around him. He didn’t let him respond though, as he grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled him forwards, kissing him right after he spat his words and leaving no room for a comeback.
God damn it, Larry internally said. What is he doing to me?
They kissed out of what was possibly unspoken desire and passion for a while, the both of them growing warmer and warmer by the second. When they’d walk out of the room, they’d blame it on the temperature, but they’re not leaving each other’s side anytime soon tonight.
“God…” Tanner panted. The kiss broke and he was now using his thumbs to trace circles on Larry’s sides, his grip still tight as ever. “How hasn’t anyone told you this before? Guess I’m the first, huh?”
“So are you, fuck.” Larry looked away. “Got my head spinning…”
“You know, before you came in here, I was thinking, too.” Tanner suddenly spoke, making Larry’s eyes widen in what seemed to be surprise.
“Don’t think I couldn’t read how jealous you were downstairs.” his hands went up and down Larry’s sides slowly, the movements occasionally lifting his shirt up.
“I wanted to ask you about it, but you came in here first and sorted it out on your own, didn’t you?”
The smirk that Tanner’s face presented along with his eyes going red as a side effect of the high just made Larry want to relive this moment all over again.
“Guess I did, and, well, I got my answer.” Larry responded with his face going evidently pink.
The two laughed for a little at the closure, and how they just sat there, facing each other, staring into each other’s eyes as if it’s the only thing they’re capable of looking at. And in that moment they knew, whatever they had with each other had changed.
Not that they complained.