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if we walk through hell we might as well hold hands

Summary:

Reki is running from his past. From memories of a house he was never able to call home and people he was never able to call family.

Langa is running from his future. From the fear of history repeating itself and the terrifying finality of knowledge.

Their escape routes lead them to each other, and their paths become entangled as they drift together through uncertainty. When the promise of stability pulls them back to a place neither of them ever considered returning to, they’re forced to confront their demons and decide what truly matters most.

Notes:

Ssoooo this is my first multichapter story in like... four years? And it turned into a beast. Let's do this!

Chapter 1: room for one more troubled soul

Chapter Text

The move was subtle, but tried and true. The unsuspecting crowd thought nothing of it, but Reki recognized it instantly.

His trained eyes had been keeping watch over the lost-looking foreigner for a few minutes at that point, well aware of the dangers of wearing confusion on one's face in the packed station of a major city. The blue-haired tourist hardly blinked when he bumped shoulders with another traveler, accepted the passing apology without suspicion, and returned his innocent focus to the map in front of him.

Reki just hoped the guy would remain confused long enough that his good deed could be followed through to completion.

He set off, keeping his gaze on the grey hat attempting to disappear into the crowd. In a stroke of luck, the figure was forced off of their determined course by a group of high school students and their luggage, allowing Reki to get ahead and switch directions.

He lined up for the hit, eyes on the pocket the stolen wallet had disappeared into, and struck.

Probably with more force than necessary.

The pickpocket saw through him, obviously, and it came as no surprise that his wrist was caught the moment the flicker of shock wore off.

“Nice try, kid.” The man, a couple of years older and a few centimetres taller than Reki, growled and went for the prize, but Reki had been expecting as much. He’d already passed the wallet off to his free hand, out of reach of the sticky fingers who got nothing but a handful of Reki's own as they attempted to take back what they felt was theirs. “Give it back.”

“I will. To the tourist you stole it from.” Reki twisted his wrist free and leveled a glare into narrowed champagne-coloured eyes. “That's low. Find someone who won't get stranded in a foreign country.”

“Whatever.” The guy spat back, but turned away, and Reki let him rejoin the heavy flow of foot traffic. He watched, ensuring the thief disappeared into the crowd without further hijinx before heading back towards the man he'd just saved from a shitload of paperwork and phone calls.

He was exactly where Reki had left him, eyes bouncing between the colour-coded map of train lines and the monitor displaying schedules, his lack of comprehension clear on his face. His brows were drawn down, his lips moving without sound, ignorance on display for the whole station to see.

An easy target.

It was no shock to Reki that he'd fallen victim to an asshole with no morals.

“Hey.” Reki decided English was as safe a guess as any and drew a frosty blue gaze in his direction with the call. “Lose something?”

He held out the black bifold on the palm of his hand, only laughing a little bit when the look of confusion on the foreigner’s face deepend, then gave way to realization when his hands traveled to his pockets. He practically turned them all inside out while Reki just stood there, arm extended, waiting for the guy to accept his property back. He did eventually, with a nod and a quiet thanks and the return of the mildly lost look he'd previously worn.

“Word of advice: keep that in a zipped pocket.” Reki snickered as the guy rethought sliding his wallet into the pants pocket it had been stolen from in the first place and moved it to his outer jacket one, sealing it against any future attempts to repossess it. “And try not to look like you're lost.”

“I’m not lost.” The stranger deadpanned with a flick of his head. One that did not succeed in clearing the loose strands of hair from his eyes, and in fact, only pulled more flyaways away from his messy ponytail.

“Yeah, sure, because people who know where they're going just stare at maps so hard that they don't realize they've been robbed.”

“Lost means you don’t know where you are.” There was a huff that time, a crinkling of blue brows more akin to annoyance than the furrow of confusion. “I know where I am.”

“I would hope so,” Reki smirked and nudged his chin towards the very obvious red circle hovering just over the guy’s shoulder, the one that marked the station they were in. “Pretty sure those ‘you are here’ things are universal, even if you don’t speak Japanese.”

“I can speak Japanese.” Reki flinched in surprise when the foreigner did just that, and with barely a noticeable accent. “I just can't read much.”

Reki shook off his shock and allowed himself to slip back into his first language, seeing as he was apparently wasting brain power trying to accommodate the guy. “Meaning you don’t know how to get where you’re going.”

“That…” The annoyed expression melted away, but while Reki expected to see dejection as a result of the lost argument, he only witnessed indifference settling across pale features. “Yeah.”

“That would imply that you're lost.” Reki pointed out and there was no comeback that time. “So. Where are you headed?”

“North.”

“Easy enough.” Reki kind of liked the straightforward nature of the foreigner. It was almost endearing, the way he was so confident yet clearly had no actual grasp of where he was headed. “Anywhere specific in mind? Or just North?”

“Just North.” Pale fingers wrapped around the black strap of the messenger bag slung across his chest and his eyes flickered away briefly, but returned.

“Well, how does Nagano sound?” Reki hadn't planned on having company for the trip, but he didn't mind. He could use some more good karma.

“Is that North?”

“North-West.”

“Good enough.” The foreigner’s nod sent a few more strands of blue hair into his eyes, but he didn't bother to try and fix them. “How do I get there?”

“By following me.” Reki let a grin wash over his face before nodding in the direction of the platform. “Come on, let's get you a ticket.” He turned but let his head linger, ensuring he was being followed before realigning his gaze. “I'm Reki, by the way.”

“Langa.”

Reki navigated the crowded station with ease, his focus divided between the chaos of the crowd and his newly acquired counterpart, who kept close, thankfully. As unbothered as Langa appeared to have been regarding his apparent lack of destination, he didn't seem comfortable weaving through the unpredictable flow of bodies traveling in all directions. Or maybe he was just scared of losing his wallet again. Reki didn't bother to ask.

They came upon the ticket machine without incident, and Reki took the lead on purchasing their boarding passes while Langa watched over his shoulder. While on their way to board, Langa studied the tickets between glances up to orient himself, and Reki took note of yet another area in which his new companion needed advice. A handful of bills was shoved into Reki’s hand when they reached the platform, and subsequently slipped into a bright yellow hoodie pocket.

At least his new shadow wasn’t a freeloader.

Reki shamelessly claimed the window seat when they boarded the shinkansen, and luckily, Langa didn't complain about being stuck in the middle seat. Even luckier still was the fact that the aisle seat remained vacant after the doors closed, though Langa stayed in his assigned chair.

After the ticket inspector made their rounds, Reki pulled his tablet out of his backpack and propped it on the tray table before him.

“What are you drawing?” Langa leaned a bit closer when Reki opened the file he'd been searching for.

“Just a commission.” Reki turned the screen towards Langa, showing off the portrait of a boy holding his cat. The pair had comically similar angled eyes and smug smiles, and Reki had even taken the artistic liberty of giving the boy fangs to match his feline companion.

“Who is it?” Langa's head tilted as he studied the cartoonish line art.

Reki switched layers to reveal his collage of reference pictures, one of the boy and many of the cat. He settled on a vague answer that wasn’t technically a lie, unless omissions were counted towards honesty. “Just some guy. His girlfriend commissioned me to draw it. It's a birthday present.”

Langa reached out and switched back to the work in progress, hovered for a moment, then settled back into his seat with a glance to Reki. “So you're an artist.”

“I guess you could call me that,” Reki chuckled as he slid his stylus out of its designated pocket.

Langa just nodded and watched as Reki started on his flat colour. Identical striking green eyes, black hair, silver fur, stripey purple sleeves-

“You should give him cat ears.” Reki flinched at the sound of Langa's voice and sent the stylus slashing across the screen. He had almost forgotten that he wasn't alone on his journey as he lost himself in blocks of colour. He laughed at his own dramatics and thanked whatever power that watched over him for the undo button.

“That would be cute. I'll have to clear it with the client but she was pretty thrilled about the fangs so…” Reki hid the flat colour and debated about placement for a moment while he stared at his line art. With the help of a quick image search, he managed to blend the ears into the hair in a way he didn't entirely hate, then turned the screen back in Langa's direction. “How's that look?”

“Fitting.” Langa nodded his approval. “But should you add it without the client's permission?”

“Well see, I added them on a layer of their own.” He demonstrated hiding and revealing the ears, entirely separate from the finalized line art. “I'm supposed to send her an update later tonight so I'll send her both versions and ask then. I think she'll like them, though. Oh man, I'm gonna have to pay you for your contributions now.”

“You don't have to pay me.” Langa shook his head, apparently not one for sarcasm. “You don't even know if she'll say yes.”

“Okay, I guess I'll take credit for your idea.” Reki chose not to call him out on missing the joke. What use would that be? “Call it payment for rescuing your wallet.”

“I was pickpocketed, right?” Apparently, Langa wasn't very quick on the draw. Even then, almost an hour after the ordeal, he didn't seem very phased by the thought of almost losing his money, ID, cards, or whatever else was in his wallet.

“Sure were.” Reki nodded and returned his visual focus to colouring. He could divide his attention. “Gotta pay more attention in big stations like Tokyo. Can't look lost, confused, or like a tourist. Act like you know where you're going and you've seen everything before, even if you have no clue what you're doing. Safer that way.”

“How did you know?”

Reki let the question linger for a moment, disguising his internal debate by readjusting the framing of his drawing and searching out the perfect shade of fleshy peach for the boy’s face and hands. How could he tell Langa he'd been watching him without sounding like a creep?

“I noticed you looking lost.” He decided without pulling his eyes from his tablet. “I was going to offer to help you read the map when I saw it happen.”

It wasn't a complete lie. He had intended to help Langa out eventually.

He just didn't need to know that Reki had been watching him for upwards of ten minutes while he struggled.

What could he say? It was always kind of entertaining to watch foreigners try to figure out the train lines on their own. However, most of them did eventually resort to pulling out their phones to translate and guide them. Langa hadn't done that at all…

Langa easily accepted the partial truth with a small nod that Reki caught out of the corner of his eye. “Good timing.”

“I guess so.” Reki tossed a smile over his shoulder as he saved his work and powered down his tablet. “So, what's North?”

“The opposite of South.” The response was about as flat as it could have been, yet Reki couldn't contain his snort that the surrounding passengers probably didn't much appreciate.

“Yeah, I know that.” He managed through a wheeze once the laughter died down a bit. Langa was staring at him blankly, like he hadn't just answered Reki's question in the most ridiculous way. “I mean why are you going North? What's the end goal? It can't just be North.”

“I don't really have anywhere specific in mind.” Langa’s eyes drifted away while he spoke, but his expression - or lack thereof - didn't change.

“So what's your plan then?” Langa's eyes snapped back to meet Reki's once more, and something flashed in the cold blue stare, but the change was too minute, too quick to decode. “What’re you gonna do when you get to Nagano?”

“Hadn't thought that far.” Langa shrugged, entirely unbothered despite their estimated arrival time being eight o’clock at night and the sun having already set.

Reki sucked in a breath as he contemplated. Langa seemed harmless enough… and in need of help. His tangled mop of greasy hair and the bags dragging down his pretty eyes told Reki as much.

“Well…” What an idiotic offer Reki was about to make in the name of karma. “I have a hotel booked.”

Langa just blinked at him. Whether it was exhaustion holding his expressions hostage or monotony was simply his default, Reki couldn't begin to guess.

“So,” He continued when no reaction was offered. “If you need a place to stay for the night-”

“You want me to come with you?” Reki could have cheered when Langa caught on, but he chose to keep his celebration internal for the sake of the surrounding passengers.

“You look like you could use a bed.” Reki nodded with a run of his hand through his own hair that could also use a good wash. “And a shower.”

Langa didn't even attempt to be sly about stuffing his nose under his arm and taking a whiff. He retreated quickly with a slight pinch to his expression that made Reki glad he hadn't inhaled too deeply while Langa had been hovering closely to look at his art.

“I just need to ask you something first.” Reki added quickly before Langa could accept or decline. He received a raise of a blue brow in return and took it as an invitation to continue. “You're not like, a violent criminal right? I mean, I'm pretty sure most criminals wouldn't let themselves get pickpocketed so easily but like- if you killed someone and you're running from the cops I don't really want to be harbouring you.”

The first hint of a smile tugged at Langa's lip and his tired eyes seemed to brighten for a beat. “You think I'd tell you if I was a violent criminal?”

“Well no, but like, I feel better asking?” It was a stupid question, and Reki had asked it in a stupid way, but he couldn't really figure out anything better. “Even if you lie, at least I can pretend I'm not doing something illegal. I wouldn't even mind if it was a more minor crime like theft or something. I just don't wanna end up in jail for housing a murderer, you know? So-”

“I'm not running from the police.” Langa cut Reki off with a firm tone that sent reassurance through him for some reason. He could have been lying, but Reki didn't think he was. He seemed honest enough.

“Cool, so you're not gonna kill me in my sleep then?”

“I don't like blood.”

“There are ways to kill people that don't include blood. Like strangling. And most poisons. Enough blunt force trauma would do it too.”

“Are you trying to convince me to kill you?”

“No. No I am not. I should stop giving you ideas.”

“I'm not taking your ideas.” A huff, barely a laugh, fell out of Langa's mouth, pulling a full grin out of Reki's sheepish smile.

“Cool. Good. I'm glad you don't want to murder me. You seem too laid back for that anyway. I won't murder you either, by the way. Blood doesn't bother me but I- that's not a helpful thing to say. I mean-”

“It's fine.” Again, Langa cut in, and honestly, Reki was grateful for it. He hadn't been exercising his social skills very much as of late, aside from speaking with clients about commissions and texting. But that didn't really count.

It was certainly different from offering to have a complete stranger stay in your hotel room with you.

But it would be fine.

Right?

Sure.

◃───────────▹

Langa wasn't sure why he'd accepted Reki's offer to stay at the hotel.

Hell, he wasn't even sure why he'd followed him to Nagano.

He'd gotten to the mainland on his own and made it to Tokyo without incident.

Well… he had almost lost his wallet. That would have been problematic.

And Reki had completely called him out on not having a plan.

Langa did have some of a plan, but it did not include accommodations.

And neither did his budget, he realized as he followed Reki through the front doors of a small but nice-looking hotel.

“Reki.” Langa's feet halted three steps into the lobby and his voice pulled Reki around to face him. “I don't- how much is it going to cost?”

“Don't worry about it.” Reki’s lopsided grin and the tilt of his head set Langa's stuttering heart at ease, if just a bit. “Costs the same whether it's just me or me and three friends. I'm staying anyway and you need a bed. It's all good.”

“Are you sure?” Langa stepped forward, staying on Reki's heels, suddenly anxious to be too far from his new companion.

That was strange.

Maybe it wasn’t.

After all, Langa had spent the last three days traveling alone. And the weeks before that, his company hadn't exactly been…

“Of course.” Reki backtracked a few steps and slung an arm around Langa's shoulders, pulling him off balance slightly and making him slump a bit to accommodate their height difference. Langa didn't find himself caring much, which again, was strange. He didn't really enjoy being touched, especially not by strangers, but something about the weight of Reki's arm on his shoulders was… comforting?

Weird.

Maybe he was just too tired to care.

That was it. That had to be it.

Reki let him go when they came within a few steps of the front desk and Langa let him take the lead on checking in, seeing as the reservation was his anyway. He made a mental note to count his money at some point and actually figure out a better plan than ‘head North.’

What had he been thinking when he got on that ferry…?

He hadn't been thinking.

Plain and simple.

And now he was about to spend the night with some stranger in a hotel in a city he hadn't planned on visiting.

But really, he hadn't specifically planned not to visit Nagano.

He just… hadn't planned a route at all.

Though, he could say with confidence that joining someone else on their voyage had definitely not been on the imaginary itinerary.

What the hell was he doing?

“Langa? You in there?” Reki's voice snapped him out of his spiral and he nodded before he even fully registered the question. “Come on, you look exhausted.” Reki nodded over his shoulder and Langa's feet fell in step just behind him when he started walking down the hall.

“You can shower first.” Reki mused idly as he scanned room numbers.

“Okay.” Was all Langa had to offer in return. Not that he considered himself a sparkling conversationalist at the best of times, but he really was not on top of his game as he followed Reki around the corner and apparently to their room.

“Here we are.” Reki swiped the keycard and opened the door, gesturing for Langa to enter first, which he did.

The entryway was lower than the short, narrow hallway it led into, telling Langa that he should take off his shoes before stepping up into the main part of the room. There was a name for the lowered bit of floor, he knew, he'd heard his mom say it a million times, but he was too tired to remember. He kicked off his shoes and stepped up into the hall as Reki found the light switch and helpfully cast away the shadows with a simple flick of his finger.

The door to the bathroom was immediately to the left, not two steps into the hallway. Langa closed the door behind him without a word to Reki, which was probably rude, but he didn't feel like opening the door again and coming up with something to say. He just dropped his bag on the floor next to the sink, shed his three-days-worn clothes and stepped through the second doorway, into the shower room.

Hot water had never felt so amazing.

Langa just stood and let the shower head loosen the grime and soothe his tired muscles. He assisted eventually, lathering himself in soap smelling of eucalyptus, coercing the stench and general sticky feeling of travel to relinquish its grip on his skin and banishing it down the drain.

Leaving the shower was not easy. He lingered under the steaming water for probably far longer than necessary, enjoying the heat. But eventually, fatigue and the promise of a bed dragged him out of the tiled room.

The thought that maybe he should have locked the door to the bathroom sparked, but didn’t catch when he saw everything was as he’d left it. Not that Langa had anything worth stealing. Just some clothes, a notebook, a pen… Oh, and his wallet in the zipped pocket of his jacket. But there wasn’t much in there. He needed to find an ATM or a bank so he could sort out his finances. He needed to…

He needed to get dressed.

Reki probably also wanted to shower. He’d said Langa could shower first. That meant he wanted to shower too. He needed to get out of the bathroom and let his gracious host shower.

Clean boxers and a tank top found their way onto Langa’s body when he was mostly dry. He gathered his dirty clothes and jacket, slung his bag over his shoulder, and opened the bathroom door, watching as the steam rushed to escape into the cool hallway, only to dissipate upon its release. Freedom came at a cost, apparently.

“Yeah, I’m all good.”

He heard Reki talking as he stepped out into the hall and hesitated. He shouldn’t have eavesdropped, that was definitely rude.

But he was curious.

And if Reki was planning Langa’s murder, he’d like to know.

They had both promised they weren’t violent criminals, but did a promise truly mean anything?

“Yes, I’m sure.”

Sure about what? Langa couldn’t exactly ask, that would absolutely have given away the fact that he was eavesdropping.

“Okay, sounds good. Yep. Love you too. Bye.”

There wasn’t much to garner from Reki’s half of the call. He was “all good” and he loved someone.

Good for him.

Langa waited another few seconds before emerging from the slightly steamy hallway into the main area of the room. It was small, much like the narrow hallway and cramped bathroom would suggest. There were two single beds, each pressed into a corner of the room, one sharing the wall with the bathroom and shower room, the other pressed against the far wall. Which really wasn't so far considering there was nothing more than a nightstand and about a meter of space between the two beds, if that. There was a long, narrow desk shoved against the wall opposite the beds, with a small, uncomfortable-looking chair slid under it. Langa knew without a doubt that if he tried to sit in that chair, it would be butting up against the foot of the bed across from it.

Reki had claimed the bed closer to the entrance, the one that shared a wall with the bathroom. He was lying on his stomach, his phone and tablet both resting on the comforter in front of him. His phone was off, and a different drawing than the one he’d been working on during the train ride was displayed on the tablet screen. It appeared to be a collage of different kinds of flowers, their petals overlapping, stems weaving through blooms, leaves peeking out in the free space.

“That’s pretty.” Langa couldn’t help but comment, quickly pulling Reki’s focus up from his work.

“It’s alright.” Reki smirked and powered down the tablet, pushing himself up to sit on his knees as Langa crossed the room and tossed his belongings on the vacant bed. “How was your shower?”

“Amazing,” Langa sighed as he sunk into the mattress and ran a hand through his tangled hair. It wasn’t long enough that going without a brush would be too much of an issue, but it certainly could have used a good comb-through with more than just his fingers.

“I’m glad.” Reki bounced into a crouch and hopped gracefully off the bed before gathering his belongings. “Hope you left some hot water for me!” He called over his shoulder and shut the bathroom door before Langa could make a retort about them being in a hotel and the fact that he really doubted the water heater would give out after one shower.

The moment Langa laid his head down, exhaustion unlike anything he’d ever known sunk into his body. His bones crumbled, muscles dissolved, skin melted. He became one with the bedding, no longer a person, just a pile of matter with closed eyes and an inability to fight off the pull of sleep.