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Aegon does not want to do this.
Scratch that. He absolutely wants to do this. This is one of the most amusing things that’s happening right now. On one hand, he will be very entertained seeing this shit show unveiled. On the other hand, to unveil that shit show, Aegon has to get involved.
In Aemond’s love life.
Let it be known that he, Aegon II Targaryen, loves all four of his siblings very much. Nothing screams love more than being tied together by a string of DNA that came from Viserys I Targaryen’s ballsacks.
But.
But it’s Aemond. Prickly dickish Aemond who always wears stupid assholerish smirks and too tight shirts. Who once tried to drown Aegon because he accidentally broke (he sat on it) his favorite toy when they were twelve and eight. Who once tried to chop (bite) his arm off because he unintentionally ate his favorite pie (Aemond’s name was written on the package) when they were ten and six. While Aemond did mellow out with age, his tendency to ruffle Aegon’s feathers never goes away.
At the tender age of twenty-two, Aegon has endured numerous assassination attempts from his own brother. Everyone keeps brushing it off as silly sibling rivalry but Aegon knows better.
There is something heavily wrong with Aemond.
But he is still Aegon’s pricky dickish little brother. And he loves him.
And if he pulls this off then Aemond will owe him a favor.
A big one.
To elaborate further on the shit show. One must return to approximately three days ago.
Saturday, also known as the weekly dinner of House Targaryen-Velaryon-Hightower-Strong.
It all started as usual, his eldest sibling, Rhaenyra, arrived at four on the dot with her gaggle of husbands and children. She and his Mother exchanged some kind of toxic homoerotic greetings, filled with apparent passive aggressiveness and some eyebrows acting before pulling each other into the kitchen to prepare dinner while her gaggle of husbands and children went on their merry way to mingle with the others in the living room.
Exchanges were made. Gifts were given. Drinks were served.
And in the midst of those familiar chaotic activities. Aegon, who was engaged in his own chaotic activity, feeling up and down Harwin’s bulging biceps, saw something unfamiliar.
Aemond.
Unlike his other siblings, Aemond treated the dinner more like a chore than a chance to ogle at their family members. That was why he usually came down way too late for any human interaction, but early enough for food.
But that day, something different happened.
Not only did Aemond come down early just in time to interact with humans. He also willingly interacted with Luke, Rhaenyra’s second son. Nothing pleasing though, judging from the glare on Aemond’s face, but based on Luke’s radiant smile, the problem was probably one-sided.
That alone, would not perk any of Aegon’s curiosity.
The real treat happened when Luke went and greeted his Velaryon relatives at the door.
Aegon almost missed it, eyes busy following Harwin’s long, big, and calloused hand as it clutched Laenor’s (lucky bastard) waist a tad too tight. But, a second was enough for Aegon to follow Aemond’s intense gaze. Straight to Luke’s ass.
Aegon blinked. And blinked again. Eyes frantically followed Aemond’s gaze over and over. Straight to the ass of one Lucerys Velaryon. Who, Aemond had sworn many times that he could not tolerate the existence of.
But the ass was still there. And his brother’s eyes were still on it.
Aegon knocked back the remaining wine in his glass, and after a second, plucked the whole bottle on the table and chucked it too, ignoring the horrified looks of those around him.
It was just a hallucination, Aegon chided himself. Nothing more.
Nothing at all.
It was in fact, not nothing.
Aegon couldn’t unsee it. The eyes and the ass. The ass and the eyes. Intertwined with each other.
The incident gave him a sudden burst of attention in the middle of their dinner. He looked at the two culprits like bugs under the microscope. Eyes twitching at every single action they made.
And the more he looked. The more frightened he was.
Aemond’s eyes were always on Luke. On his mouth when he chewed. On his hands when he picked a dish. On his neck when Luke turned around and talked with the others. On his fucking crotch when Luke stood up and help the younger and uglier Aegon out.
This was a nightmare and Aegon could not stop watching it.
As far as Aegon knew, Aemond “I’m into girls” Targaryen’s actions right now did not look very heterosexual at all.
This screamed homo.
And Aegon would get to the bottom of this.
Now that he was aware of Aemond’s alleged fondness for Luke. He carefully recalled every time of their family’s get-togethers.
The beach last June? Yep, Aemond’s eyes were on Luke’s chest the whole time he was playing volleyball. Christmas? Aemond’s eyes were on Luke’s legs when they went out ice-skating. That one time at the park? His brother almost crushed his ice cream cone when Luke was busy licking his own cone.
Many instances appeared in Aegon’s head like a fucked-up low-quality film. Aemond’s face became softer before returning to its assholerish vibes seconds after seeing Luke. Aemond’s eyes followed Luke’s hands whenever he talked. Aemond knew what Luke wanted for Secret Santa. Aemond freaking remembered Luke's favorite color and food. He didn't even remember Aegon's!
All of these led Aegon to the most obvious conclusion.
Aemond had a crush on Luke.
But the problem was, did Aemond know about it?
So, that’s why he’s here now.
In the library, a place he never willingly steps foot in, and across from him is his scowling brother. Today is a nice day, birds are chirping, leaves are falling, sunlight dancing merrily across the clear blue sky. They’re sitting next to the window, a giant cup of black americano for Aemond and a whole bottle of booze for himself. It is eight in the morning, not that it really matters.
“So, Aemond,” he starts, hands clammy with sweat, “can I call you Aemond?”
Fucking nail it.
Aemond looks at him like a rare lowly insect he wants to vivisect, which is fair. “No,” his little brother says, voice filled with sarcasm.
“Okay so, Aemond,” Aegon continues, ignoring Aemond’s huff. “I can’t help but notice something in the last few months. And I don’t know if you have already known about this. But as your brother, you must know that I care for you, and support you, even if you’re a dick all the time. Don’t take it the wrong way, okay? You’re a dick but you’re our dick and I love you despite it- “
Oh Seven above, he’s rambling.
“- you have many other attributes than being a dick. You’re smart, I guess. And know how to pack a punch, only to me though. You’ve never won any other fights and that’s alright- “
Someone please stop him.
As he keeps rambling on and on and on, Aegon sees the despair and rage accumulating in Aemond’s gaze. His younger brother is now eyeing the bottle of cheap booze on the table like it's the second coming of Christ, hand slowly reaching for it.
Aegon slaps it away and cradles the cheap bottle to his chest like it is his favorite child. “So why didn’t you tell me about your crush huh? You know I will never hate you for it, right? That'll make me a hypocrite,” he finally pushes out, hands grabbing the bottle to chug it down.
“Crush?” Aemond inquires, confusion clear in his voice. “What crush? What the fuck are you talking about? And give me that bottle.”
“Fuck you, get your own bottle, this one is mine,” Aegon slaps his brother’s hand away once again, harder than the first. “What do you mean what the fuck am I talking about? Your crush on Luke!”
“I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON LUKE.”
Aegon stares at Aemond, whose face is now as red as a tomato, from rage or shame he does not care.
“Luke,” he slowly repeats, “yay high, curly brown hair, Rhaenyra’s second son with either Laenor or Harwin, I don’t even know. Luke, our nephew.”
“And as I said before, I do not have a crush on him,” Aemond grits out, hands clutching one another as if he is wringing Aegon’s neck in his mind. “Also, I’m straight,” he adds on like an afterthought. Aegon doesn’t believe that at all.
He snorts. “Yeah, straight-up gay. You were looking at his ass last Saturday. It was nice, I have to admit, and you did the same,” he doubles down when Aemond’s mouth’s about to spew more lies. “last Christmas, last summer, last time we were at the park, last- “
“Okay, okay. Stop, stop, stop,” Aemond groans, hands clutching his coffee and chugging back half of the cup. “Fucking hell, how did you figure it out?”
Ah hah, so he does know about his little crush.
“I have eyes,” Aegon replies snootily, nose pointing straight up into the air.
Aemond looks at him like he is stupid, “You tripped on Helaena last night when she was lying on the floor.”
“She wore the same color as the rug.”
“She wore bright green, the rug is maroon.”
“Fine, fine,” he grumbles. “I have eyes for stupid shit that I can shove my nose into. So, now, what’re you gonna do about your little crush?”
“Bring it with me to the grave.”
“Nuh uh.”
“The fuck do you mean 'nuh uh'? What am I supposed to do then?” Aemond explodes, hands waving everywhere “he probably doesn’t even feel the same.”
Aegon slams his fist down the wooden table and stands up. “Don’t be a coward, you dumbass. You’re going to give up just like that? When have you become such a wuss? Do you think you’re the only one who looks? That twink’s been eyeing your crotch every time you wear leather pants!”
Aegon’s totally pulling things out of his ass now. But Aemond is his brother, and he’s not about to let his brother back out on his chance to bag a partner.
“He also looks at you whenever you eat, and when you have that creepy smirk, and when you play with Vhagar. For fuck sake, he looks at your abs every time you wear your skin-tight shirts, which is always! So don’t be a craven, man up, and go get that ass, Aemond Targaryen!”
He ends the emotional speech with another slam on the table and yelps a little because of the throbbing ache in his hand.
Aemond is gawking at him, a new light shining in his eyes. The tiniest shred of respect and awe that Aegon can see, heaven is here with him right now, “No, no. You’re right. I’m not a coward. I’m fucking not. What’s the worst that could happen huh?”
“Listen to me,” Aegon rounds over the table and grabs Aemond’s shoulders, shaking him like a ragdoll. “If that shorty even dares to laugh at your face then I will beat his ass. I’m like, ten centimeters and five kilograms stronger than him, he ain’t shit. Now fucking go and get your man.”
Aemond sputters out some intelligible things, probably because Aegon is still shaking him but when he pushes his brother out over the door, Aegon hears a tiny little ‘thank you asshole,’ and promptly sheds a tear.
His brother is all grown up, Aegon muses and takes another swing of the booze.
Aegon is so proud of him.
Aegon wants to kill Aemond.
This is bad, he didn’t anticipate this when he told Aemond to go and get Luke’s ass.
Aegon looks on in dismay as he, once again, witnesses Aemond and Luke’s inappropriate activity. Usually, he won’t mind a little bit of voyeurism, he would even enjoy it.
But not when it concerns Aemond.
He does not at all want to see Aemond’s tongue halfway into Luke’s mouth, hands patting somewhere not rated PG underneath their swimming shorts.
Right outside the pool house at ten in the morning.
“GET A FUCKING ROOM!” He bellows, voice cracking all over the place.
The two shameless people in front of him turn and give him an irritated look in unison. Seven hells, he hates this.
“Have you two no decency?” He squeaks out, hand clutching his chest. The cocktail he’s holding wobbles precariously.
“Like you’re the one to talk,” Aemond grumbles before pulling Luke in the direction of the main house. Luke at least gives him a sheepish smile when their path crossed but his little brother just throws him a dickish assholerish smirk.
The nerve.
Aegon knocks back all of his drink in one gulp. Gosh, he needs a whole bottle to forget that.