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Gunil is drunk. He never drinks, says it's not his thing, but he's obviously intoxicated right now, spilling through the door of the dorm where Jungsu has been having a quiet night on his own. He puts his phone down on the couch and stands up to help him.
"Hyung? Are you okay?" Jungsu asks, his hand on Gunil's shoulder, stopping him from swaying too far either way.
"Better than okay," he answers, his voice light but his smile looking too taut around the edges. He doesn't look happy- looks a little lost, a little forlorn. The crease between his brows is dark with the hint of a frown, even as his mouth looks pulled up at the corners in a wobbly smile. He slumps into Jungsu's side, his face buried in Jungsu's sleeve.
"Lavender", Gunil mumbles into the the fabric, smelling the detergent Jungsu washes his clothes in.
Jungsu hums in concern. "Come sit, okay? Come sit down." He pulls at Gunil's wrist, and they shuffle over to the couch, where Gunil collapses like a house of cards. He keeps his head resting on Jungsu's shoulder, linking their arms at the elbow. It's an odd position to be in, but he seems most comfortable this way, so Jungsu allows it. They sit in silence for a while, the room dim with only a lamp serving as lighting.
"I went to a bar."
Gunil says it in a whisper, something Jungsu doesn't understand. They've all been to bars before, it isn't that big of a deal, despite being idols; managers turn a blind eye, and as long as their conduct is acceptable, they get away with it.
"I can tell," Jungsu answers. "Which one?"
More silence. Gunil starts fidgeting with the hem of Jungsu's sweater sleeve.
"I'd never been there before," he starts, first speaking in a mumble and then becoming clearer. "It was one of those... Those bars. In Itaewon."
Oh. Suddenly his reticence makes sense. Jungsu would never have figured Gunil would ever go to a gay bar, given the risk of being found out, and his career suffering for it. He knows his hyung well enough to know he wouldn't take that risk lightly, nor easily. Before he can ask why, Gunil is telling him. The words seem to flow out like a dam has broken, like they've been stuck in his teeth for a long time, and he's finally figured out how to extract them.
"I couldn't go there sober. It was dumb," he says, his soft hair tickling Jungsu's cheek. "I know I shouldn't have gone, but I... I had to know. Really know. Does that make sense? I thought maybe being there, with other people- other guys- like me. Maybe... Maybe something would click into place, in my head."
Jungsu hums and nods to let him know he's listening.
"But I already knew. I just didn't know that I did."
He tugs Jungsu's sleeve. Jungsu turns to look at him; his hyung, all dark hair and wide eyes. Even in the gloom of the living room, those eyes sparkle, looking up at him with something close to fear, as if Jungsu would ever misunderstand him.
"It's okay, Nil, it's okay. You're okay."
Tears brim in Gunil's eyes. Jungsu lets him into his arms, and holds him, sobs wracking his body. He feels so small in his embrace, more fragile than he'd ever hope for him to be.
Jungsu rests his cheek on the top of Gunil's head, smelling his shampoo, holding him tight as his tears soak into the front of his shirt. He shushes him, rubbing wide, slow circles into his back with one palm.
"It's going to be just fine, so please don't worry about a thing. We're all here for you, we all know you, we all love you. I love you, hyung," Jungsu soothes, then kisses the top of his head tenderly. As Gunil's sobs die down, Jungsu smoothes his hair from his forehead, and wipes his cheeks with his sleeve.
"Let's go wash your face properly, then brush your teeth, okay? Then I'll sleep out here with you, so you aren't alone."
Gunil gives him a watery smile. "Thank you, Su. And- and I love you, too. All of you."
Jungsu takes him by the hand, and heads to the bathroom.