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A flash of sudden colours and a vivid image of a pair of devilish red eyes etched into the boy’s mind. The sudden thought of chasing those colours and eyes drew across the boy’s thoughts.
“I’m going to go” the boy mumbles as he walks off.
“Soobinnie, where are you going?” the older boy asks, grabbing Soobin’s wrist.
“Colours, eyes” Soobin mutters. “Hyung, let me go”
The older boy shakes his head. “You didn’t take your meds, did you?”
“Let me go. I NEED TO SEE THOSE COLOURS” the younger boy shouts, startling Yeonjun who reluctantly lets go of Soobin’s wrist.
“Please, just be safe” Yeonjun whispers, genuinely concerned for the younger’s wellbeing.
“You see that? The colours are asking me to go to them” Soobin mutters, completely ignoring the older’s words before walking off into the distance, mumbling to himself. The eldest glances at where Soobin is walking to and sighs in annoyance.
“He has lost his mind again, hasn’t he?” Beomgyu asks, suddenly popping out from behind Yeonjun.
The older one just blinks a few times before nodding.
“And I’m afraid he’ll do something fucked up again”
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Patient: Choi Soobin
Age: 17
Underlying conditions: Psychosis, Schizophrenia & Depression
Reason of Hospitalisation: Broken left ankle & right arm
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A convivial day at the beach, nothing could go wrong, right?
Waves crashing against the bright white sand, as each one recedes with a quiet hissing sound. A gentle breeze stirring the air, the distant smell of ocean saltwater carried with it. The sun is just beginning to set behind the horizon, filling the sky with orange and pink undertones, the water illuminated with a golden brightness.
The sudden intrusion of the same pair of devilish red eyes staring right back at the boy. The eyes tempting the boy to walk into the water and explore the ocean further. All of a sudden, a flash of a black cat whizzes past the boy’s vision, confusing the male even more. That cat jumps into the water with a splash and swims off into the horizon, where the water and sky meet.
“Hyung, look. A kitty is in dire need of saving” Soobin mumbles as he pats the older’s arm in panic.
The elder just simply turns around with a swivel of the foot and looks into the distance.
“Soobinnie, I can not see any cat” Yeonjun replies, squinting his eyes, trying to understand what the younger one was trying to say.
“The kitty jumps” Soobin mutters as he runs off into the water, chasing the cat and allowing the devilish pair of eyes to tempt him.
“What the fuck happened again?” Taehyun ponders as he approaches the eldest with a quizzical look.
“Soobin’s lost his mind , yet again” Yeonjun responds, this type of situation is happening way to often and now days, the four of them are used to it.
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Patient: Choi Soobin
Age: 18
Underlying Conditions: Psychosis, Schizophrenia & Depression
Reason of Hospitalisation: Near drowning - 5 liters of saltwater in the lungs
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“Soobin-hyung. Come play with us” Beomgyu shouts across the field, beckoning the older one to join.
Soobin turns to look at the younger one and walks over before a horrified look appears on his face. The same pair of devilish eyes look back at him, this time from Beomgyu’s soul.
The older one's eyes widen in fear as he aggressively rubs his eyes.
“Let’s play” Beomgyu says, holding out a basketball and tilting his head to the side.The fact that his head was tilted freaked Soobin out even.
“Let the temptation drag you in~” a voice hisses.
Soobin reluctantly agrees and jogs onto the basketball court, joining Yeonjun, Beomgyu, Taehyun and Huening Kai in their game.
The ball flying back and forth. The sound of the ball hitting the ground after every dribble is engraved into his mind. Despite how much fun they were all having, Soobin desperately felt that something was missing; the feeling of liveliness.
Even though he was enjoying the basketball game, the devilish look in Beomgyu’s eyes is still evident and it spooked Soobin out.
After a while, the ball goes flying into the air and into a nearby tree.
“Fuck” Beomgyu mutters as he hopelessly jumps in the air and attempts to wack the tree, but the tree doesn’t even budge, not by the slightest.
The scene almost seemed……..fake; like as if Beomgyu was purposely pretending to not be able to get the basketball down.
All five of them stood around the tree for a while, as if they were trying to perform a ritual summoning of some sort of demon. Soobin turns to look at Yeonjun who turns to look at Huening Kai who turns to look at Taehyun who turns to look at Beomgyu, who returns the look back to Soobin.
“You tall person, you get it down” Taehyun suggests as he looks at the tree and then back at Soobin. The latter looks the tree and down a few times and decides to be the good person and retrieve the ball.
He climbs the tree with no issue and throws the ball down but then he suddenly realises that the other four are nowhere to be seen. Instead of his friends, they were replaced by the same devilish eyes and the same cat he saw when he nearly drowned.
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Patient:Choi Soobin
Age: 19
Underlying Conditions: Psychosis, Schizophrenia & Depression
Reason of Hospitalisation: fractured skull- sustained in a fall
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“Soobinnine, come” the familiar voice of his hyung calls out to him.
The younger one turns around to face the elder. “Yeonjun-hyung!”
A smile creeps upon Soobin’s lips as he hugs the elder. The soft scent of cotton candy and mint chocolate wafting in the air, indicating that the younger one is safe; safe in his hyung’s arms.
“I miss you” Yeonjun softly whispers into the younger’s ear. “You’ll come with me one day, right?”
Soobin just nods, spacing everything else out apart from his hyung.
“I’ll go with you, one day. I don’t think I’m ready yet though”
“Bin-ah, whenever you’re mentally ready, emotionally prepared and physically set, come whenever you wish. I’ll always be waiting for you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m glad you’re with me” Yeonjun replies, before giving the taller one a gentle kiss. “It’s hard without you, but I’m sure we’ll make it work. Afterall, we’re a couple and as long as we’re together, nothing is impossible”
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The loneliness started to kick in when Soobin went to university, separated from his boyfriend and closest friends. In addition to the loneliness, his schizophrenia became worse. Hallucinations followed him and showed up everywhere he went; from possessing his professors’ souls or simply just haunting his dreams. The same pair of devilish constantly appear out of the blue, staring right back at the 21 year old male. The identical cat from when he was 18 was constantly running around his head, making everyday tasks almost impossible to concentrate on.
It was on a cold winter’s evening that Soobin realised the cat had followed him from his university campus and back to his dormitory.
“What do you want?” Soobin angrily glares at the cat.
Despite the fact that the 21 year old male had an angry expression plastered on his face, the cat remained unfazed and unbothered. The furry creature hissed a few times before tilting its head to the side and stared into the male’s soul. That wasn’t the creepiest bit. The part Soobin was most concerned about was when the cat’s eyes flickered from blue to bright glowing red and then back to blue.
“Please, leave me alone” Soobin whispers, staring back at the cat with a hint of fear in his eyes.
The male could have sworn he saw a slight smirk creep up upon the cat’s mouth before slinking away into the darkness of the night. For some strange reason, he felt drawn to the cat, as if the temptation of the devil was calling for him to follow wherever the cat went.
“Just follow it” the voice of the devil sweetly whispers to him, sending shivers down his spine. Something told him to listen but something else told him not to but his curiosity and the temptation won his mind over.
The decision is his. To act upon this mindless decision or to defend upon the devil’s words.
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Patient: Choi Soobin
Age: 21
Underlying Conditions: Psychosis, Schizophrenia & Depression
Reason of Hospitalisation: multiple slits to the wrists
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Studying forensics was a good direction for the young male. He loved forensics and studying crime scene related evidence but it took a massive toll on his mental health.
“Soobin, we got another case coming in” Soobin’s boss tells the young 22 year old male.
Soobin briefly nods as he heads back to his lab, ready to scour through an endless amount of evidence. But he didn’t expect the case to be so much trickier than his previous ones. Despite coming top of his forensics class in university, he just couldn’t find any evidence on the victim’s belongings; not the razor, not the rope, not the victim’s clothing, not a single trace of the murderers identity or anything closely related.
It was only a few days later did he notice that a small piece of paper was concealed in the victim’s jacket.
‘to: whoever is completing my case,
hello there,
I hope this finds the forensics person or the autopsy person well. Either way, I just want to say that in fact I was not murdered. I’ve just killed myself. That’s all. Depression really gets to you in the end. You keep pretending you’re fine but you’re really not. No one seems to care, and the people who cared are all gone or too far away from your reach. It hurts, it really does but, what other exit is there?
from
- victim
Soobin’s mouth dropped wide agape.
“Well that was a waste of one week studying evidence and not sleeping” the male mumbles as he sets the note down and informs his boss.
After returning back to his lab, his mind wandered to the note left by the victim. In all aspects, it was true.
No one did care about him. No one is there for him. He isn’t fine, he’s just broken.
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On a particularly gloomy day, the young 23 year old male sets off to a graveyard. Along the way, he purchases 4 bouquets of flowers; three bouquets that consist of a white and yellow flower arrangement, whilst the remaining one, consisting of different assortments of light pink and other pale coloured flowers.
The first bouquet of flowers went to Huening Kai.
The second bouquet of flowers went to Kang Taehyun.
The third bouquet of flowers went to Choi Beomgyu.
The final bouquet went to Choi Yeonjun; his boyfriend, his best friend.
Seeing the sight of the familiar grave, tears uncontrollably streamed down Soobin’s face, the salty taste familiarising itself. Wisps of fog flying places. The 23 year old male drops down to his knees and sobs uncontrollably; tears falling onto the headstone of his beloved’s. The bouquet of flowers dropping onto the floor next to him.
“I’m sorry hyung, I’m such a coward” those were the words that Soobin mumbles over and over again until he was gasping for air.
“Soobinnie, you could never be a coward in my eyes. You will always be my precious one” a voice replies. The fragment of Soobin’s imagination sat down next to him, rubbing his back and gently kissing his tears away.
Soobin’s eyes softly flutter open, looking back into the elder’s eyes.
“Hyung, I can’t do this anymore” came the hoarse voice of Soobin. “Life without you if getting so fucking hard. My hallucinations are worsening by the second. Please, hyung, what should I do?”
The image of Yeonjun thought for a while before answering; “Soobin, you have so much more to live for. Leaving you was the only choice I had, but I promise you, I would sacrifice the whole world just to see you happy”
There is a moment of hesitation before Yeonjun speaks again; “but if your mind is set on coming with me, then I suppose I’ll support you no matter what. Just know that I’ll be waiting for you”
Soobin briefly nods as he looks over into the foggy distance. “Hyung, how far is the drop from this place to the forest below?”
Yeonjun raises a questioning brow as he wafts towards the edge of the gravesite and looks down. “You’ll die from impact if you jump”
That made the younger one ponder deep in thought for a while.”Hyung, what if I jumped?” came the sudden question.
“Soobin, my advice is that you do not jump and continue living your life. I do not wish for you to end your life early. You have so much potential, and if you don’t see it, I see it.” the older replies, caressing the younger’s hair.
Those words hit Soobin like a ton of bricks, in a good way obviously. But his mind was far from listening.
“Hyung, you don’t get it. Everywhere I go, the cat and devil follow. They chase me everywhere I go, I’m going insane” the younger male’s voice answers, looking fearfully into the elder’s eyes.
“To be fair, you were insane already” another voice pops out of nowhere.
“Beomgyu, shush” Yeonjun ushers the boy with the wolf-cut, seeming slightly amused but also saddened.
Beomgyu simple rolls his eyes and floats away, off to who knows where, muttering ‘he’s lost his mind’. (though it’s probable he is just going to go find Taehyun and Huening Kai to mess with)
“Just think about it for some time. Please, take some time for yourself and if you don’t see a reason to, do it for me” Yeonjun pats Soobin’s shoulder, gently hugging him. “I’ll come see you in 3 days time”
It only took a few blinks and a few stern looks before Soobin reluctantly agreed.
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(time skip of two days)
‘you’re nothing but a failure. Just die already’ the devil’s voice repeats over and over again, engraving the line into the male’s mind.
There are only two words etched into the male’s mind; too much. Perhaps life is too much. Perhaps the pressure that life brings is too overwhelming.
All the perhaps conclusions, what if’s clouded the male’s mind and followed him wherever he went. It wasn’t hard for him to know that he desperately wanted to reach the exit, to meet with his forever best friends and boyfriend.
(a few hours later)
The grandfather clock struck 12.
Ding, Ding, Ding
That was when suddenly, a bright light swarmed into Soobin’s living room, illuminating the apartment with a bright light. He squinted as the light shined into his eyes, blocking his vision. He quietly groaned as the light finally dimmed down. Soobin then smiled widely as he saw a familiar face, standing infront of him.
“So, what’s your decision?” Yeonjun asks, holding onto Soobin’s hands with his translucent ones, just gently caressing each and every individual knuckle.
“Jun, I can’t stand it. Life’s too much. I want to go with you to the heavens ever so far” came the younger’s response. He stands slightly shaking, with tears running down his face like a waterfall. “Please, take me with you”
Blinking a few times to hear the younger one clearly, Yeonjun’s widened slightly and he let’s out a massive sigh. “Well, then, you do you” is the only thing the older one can reply with before walking off, grumbling and mumbling to himself.
Soobin slowly and shakily walked to the medicine cabinet. His frail hand reaches out to his medication. Gingerly taking out his anti-depressants and all of his antipsychotic pill bottle, Soobin poured all the pills mixed together onto his palm and with nothing less to spare, he shovels it into his mouth with one gulp. He swallows them all, hoping and waiting for an overdose to occur.
That was when his boyfriend reappeared, eyes bulging from the sight infront of him.
“CHOI SOOBIN” Yeonjun angrily yells as he storms over to the younger and aggressively shaking his shoulders.
Soobin only gave a small smirk as he felt his eyes blurring, his head thumping, his blood pressure lowering rapidly, and his body feeling in excruciating pain. Yeonjun could only facepalm and crouch down next to Soobin, holding him tightly. He could only wish that the younger would die quickly to mitigate the pain.
“See..you..soon” is the last thing Soobin mumbles before his heartbeat stops completely and white froth forms at the corners of his mouth.
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“I told you I’d be with you eventually” Soobin teases as Yeonjun glares at the taller.
The older merely huffs in annoyance as the younger one kisses him.