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“Ah, ah, ah…”
Heeseung barely registers the sound of his rickety bed banging against his equally rickety wall. Jake is bouncing on top of him so hard, so fast, that he’s gone deaf, and he thinks he might go blind soon.
But that still wouldn’t be the worst thing. The worst thing would be Jake stopping whatever he’s doing with his hips and getting off Heeseung’s cock right now.
The chokehold that Jake’s perfect 10 ass got around his dick is, to put it mildly, what love probably feels like. Heeseung wouldn’t know for sure. But whatever love is, the mind-numbing, soul-crushing, all-consuming emotion it has been made out to be — this is probably close to that.
Heeseung can stay here forever, nestled in the depths of Jake’s heavenly crevice.
“That’s it. Take it. Take all of me.”
“ Fuck— fuck—“
Jake tightens around him even more, the drag of his walls across Heeseung’s cock so impossibly good now. Heeseung’s vision starts to blur – yep, this will be a funny story to tell Jay, that Jake rode him so hard he lost not one, but two, of his five senses.
He squeezes Jake’s waist with both hands (he has enough presence of mind to gawk at the fact that his fingers almost meet in the middle from how narrow it is), planting his feet on this bed and rutting up into Jake to join his quickly building orgasm.
He can tell when Jake is seconds away from cumming; his tongue lolls out and his spine snaps, preparing his body for the ecstatic wave that’s about to take over and leave him boneless after.
Jake mewls as thick, white globs ooze out of his cock that hasn’t been touched since they started. His mouth hangs open in a soundless gasp, spine arched so prettily and hips lazily rocking against Heeseung to ride out the euphoria rolling through him.
He’s so fucking pretty when he cums.
Seconds pass before he’s easing himself off Heeseung’s (still achingly hard) cock only to slide lower down his body with the grace of someone who just had their brains fucked out of their ears so he can take it into his mouth.
Heeseung nearly chokes, fingers going straight to Jake’s hair. His mouth feels so good. You see, Jake’s got lips that were made for sucking cock. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to call them “blowjob lips” because that’s exactly what they are.
If you told him he’d one day agree to casually have sex with a boy and the boy was willing to suck dick that has been in someone’s ass (his own ass, to be specific), Heeseung would… well, he’d mildly protest. Because that sounds unhygienic and totally not sexy.
But if you told Heeseung a little later that one day he’d voluntarily stick his tongue in someone’s ass and suck on the rim like a man starved, he’d probably be like, “You know what… yeah.” He’s a man full of contradictions, okay? He loves eating ass.
Jake’s ass in particular.
Jake hasn’t quite learned the trick yet on how to swallow Heeseung down fully, but with enough patience and training, he’s gotten better at taking him halfway through without gagging.
In Jake’s own words, his cock is “obscenely huge” and it took him a lot of attempts (17 approx., Heeseung counted) before he could slide his mouth on him with relative ease. Now Jake’s head game has gotten so good that Heeseung would declare his mouth to be the best thing his cock has ever been inside of if it weren’t for his perfect ass.
The exaggerated slurping is what gets Heeseung. It’s so needless and yet so vital now to what would qualify as a good blowjob for him.
Jake makes these sloppy sucking noises around the tip of his cock, his drool mixing with the continuous stream of precum leaking out of him, and creates a suction so good it feels like Heeseung’s soul is being siphoned out of him through a straw, and the straw is his dick.
“You’re so good, so fucking good,” He manages to say through the haze in his brain, going light-headed now from the need to cum.
Jake pumps his cock in his hand, teasing the head with little kisses, his tongue swiping across it every once in a while. He looks so pretty Heeseung thinks he might be a dream his brain feverishly concocted on one of his all-nighters with Jay and Sunoo. “Only for you, daddy.”
The pet name shocks Heeseung so hard that he cums before he realizes it. White ropes shoot and hit Jake square in the face, making him jolt a little before he’s chuckling around the tip of Heeseung’s cock to collect the rest in his mouth.
Jake moans around his cock, as if genuinely enjoying the taste of gross cum filling his mouth.
He makes a show of swallowing everything down, his tongue swiping across the outside of his mouth to gather any remnants of Heeseung there.
Heeseung, using whatever string of brainpower and sanity that somehow survived that, reaches out to wipe at Jake’s nose and forehead. “I think you missed a spot,” His thumb is now wet with his own cum.
Jake quickly clutches Heeseung’s thumb in his own hands and sucks on it like sucking the meat of a bone.
“Fuck,” Heeseung observes intelligently.
“Didn’t want to waste anything.”
“Are you even real?”
Jake’s face lights up with his signature you’re-so-silly smile. He busts it out whenever Heeseung gives him a sincere compliment. Which makes him wonder if Jake has ever accepted a compliment from him, like truly embraced it.
Heeseung procures some wet wipes from his bedside table and starts wiping them both down. Jake places his own hand over Heeseung’s to guide him and it becomes a married effort of cleaning them up together.
“So…” he starts, getting cozy between Heeseung’s legs now that they’re both relatively clean and cum-less, a certain glint in his eye.
“What?” He sounds defensive like he already knows what Jake is about to say.
“Daddy, huh?” Jake practically purrs, crawling up his body to brush their noses together. “What’s that about?”
Heeseung knows he probably looks like a deer caught in the headlights, which feels appropriate since Jake has always told him he reminds him of Bambi. (“ It’s the big, pathetic eyes.” )
“Did you wanna unpack that, Daddy?” He’s teasing, and Heeseung feels the blood leave his dick and travel all the way up to his face.
“Stop,” Heeseung says with a chuckle. “You just looked really hot saying it.”
“So you liked it?”
“I wouldn’t have spontaneously busted a nut if I didn’t.”
Jake giggles in his face (straight-up giggles!!! Who giggles in this day and age?) and pulls his lower lip between his teeth.
He almost looks… abashed from hearing Heeseung’s stamp of approval.
Heeseung wants to lean in and kiss him and tell him everything Jake has done to him thus far has been perfect, 10/10, 5 stars, dramatically exceeded his expectations. But they’ve never kissed during post-coital chitchat before – come to think of it, they’ve never kissed outside of foreplay before – and Heeseung didn’t want to challenge a quietly established rule just because he was feeling sentimental.
And that’s when he remembers tonight was supposed to be the night. He was supposed to tell Jake that he wants to end what has basically been giving his life meaning and structure for the past few months. He has even categorized his days as “days with Jake” and “days without Jake.”
Before he could form any sort of attempt at bringing it up, Jake extracts himself from Heeseung and sits up, the mattress bouncing with him. He reaches for his jeans on the floor and quickly puts them on.
“Leaving already?”
“Yeah, I got this thing…”
It’s always a thing.
“… With Sunghoon. I’m meeting him at the library. Don’t wanna bore you with the details but it’s this social studies research paper he’s been stuck on for weeks now.”
“Oh,” Heeseung settles on that. If the mention of another man’s name while the faint trace of Jake’s cum is still drying on his navel causes acid to rise up in his mouth, Jake doesn’t need to know. Not to mention that name happens to belong to Sunghoon, who’s so good-looking he inevitably becomes the wet dream of anyone who comes within a 20-foot radius of him.
Distantly, the irony of Jake thinking he is even remotely capable of boring him doesn’t escape Heeseung. “That’s really cool of you.”
“It’s really not a big deal,” He makes a quick work of putting his hoodie on. “I just crunch the numbers for him and he builds the narrative based on the figures. All pretty standard stuff.”
Heeseung smiles dreamily at him. “Thank you for laying it down for me like I’m a fifth grader.”
He tilts his head at Heeseung, something he likes to do when he’s sizing up a situation. It reminds Heeseung of a confused puppy. “You actually mean that.”
Heeseung blinks. “Yeah?”
“You’re so fucking cute,” Jake beams.
Heeseung’s heart breaks a little.
“Alright, I gotta head out,” Jake lifts his backpack over his shoulder, looking around Heeseung’s dorm room with furtive eyes. “Thanks for… um, tonight.”
They may have done this countless times, but Heeseung will never get used to the stretch of silence that befalls them seconds before Jake walks out the door.
“Always,” Heeseung offers, fighting every urge in his body to pull Jake by the collars of his hoodie and beg him to stay – “ Just for tonight? Please? Sunghoon will be fine. ”
Jake doesn’t flinch. He stays standing right by the side of Heeseung’s bed, fidgeting with the string of his hoodie.
“I’ll text you,” He says eventually, his voice a little too loud for the relative quiet in the room.
“Yeah, take care, man.”
Jake rolls his eyes at that, “You too, man. And hey, good luck on your test tomorrow. You’ll ace it.”
Heeseung stares at his rumpled sheets, listening to Jake’s footsteps as he walks out of Heeseung’s dorm studio and his life for the eighth time that month.
Well… So much for putting an end to things.
“You’re an idiot,” Sunoo says gleefully around a piece of scorching meat that he unceremoniously shoved in his mouth. “You’re an actual idiot,” He tacks on.
“Please go easy on him. He’s tender right now,” Jay comments from across Heeseung. He has taken the liberty of grilling their samgyeopsal , which Heeseung is thankful for right now. He doesn’t think he has the energy for anything other than moping and drinking his sorrows away.
“And whose fault is that?” Sunoo grins, looking a little too happy considering Heeseung just poured his heart out to them. Granted his dilemma isn’t really anything they haven’t heard a hundred times before. He’s pretty sure Sunoo has cataloged Heeseung’s problems in neat little bullet points:
- Caught feelings for his fuck buddy.
- Can’t stop casually having sex with said fuck buddy.
- Should stop casually having sex with said fuck buddy.
“I really did mean to tell him tonight. I did,” Heeseung reasons.
“And then what? You tripped and fell on top of him, penis-first?” Sunoo giggles. The careless and loud delivery makes Jay flinch and nervously glance at other tables in the vicinity. Luckily, the diner they chose doesn’t have a lot of customers at this time of the night.
“Well, technically, he fell on top of me,” Heeseung supplies unhelpfully.
“Oh, oh,” Sunoo’s laugh reaches a different frequency, not caring if the whole restaurant heard him, “So we’re being technical now,” He slams his chopsticks on the table, mirth all gone from his eyes. The shift is petrifying. “Well, technically , you’re in for a world of pain if you don’t get out, right now .”
Heeseung feels exposed. He avoids Sunoo’s eyes and shifts his attention over to Jay, who’s already looking at him like he already knows what he’s about to say. Sunoo has a point.
More than that, Sunoo is a living example of why you should never (underline NEVER) catch feelings for someone you’re supposed to be casually hooking up with.
“Remind me, how did you turn down Yeonjun sunbae again after he confessed?”
“I didn’t,” Sunoo shakes his head, “I just left him on read, and it took him four months to get over me. At least that’s what his Instagram stories would indicate.”
“That’s fucking cold, Sun,” Jay comments, placing pieces of meat on Sunoo’s metal bowl.
“And that’s exactly my point!” Sunoo flails his arms around, “It’s a tough world out there. People can be assholes and they can be careless with your feelings. Case in point. ” He points at his chest. “And you,” He considers Heeseung with a thoughtful look. “You’re a delicate cinnamon roll. This would destroy you.”
“Gee, Sunoo, that's so fucking depressing.”
“But not incorrect. I’m serious, hyung. You need to find a way to quit this. Now. ”
Heeseung gives him a constipated look.
“Oh come on,” Sunoo crosses his arms, tilting his chin up. “The sex can’t be that good.”
“ Shhh… ” Jay shushes him with his giant tongs.
Heeseung shrugs.
“Please , ” Sunoo rolls his eyes.
“It’s the best sex I’ve ever had, Sun,” Heeseung wants to cry. “Worse yet, I want to–” he pauses, getting the words through the lump in his throat, “I want to cuddle afterwards.”
Sunoo’s face drops, and then an ear-piercing laugh breaks out of him.
“I want it all,” Heeseung drones on, “I want forehead kisses, I want romantic afternoon walks across the quad, I want ice cream in bed.”
Sunoo is practically having a seizure at this point, holding onto Jay’s arm for support and causing the man to lose some of his balance.
Heeseung almost feels bad about dragging them out at 11 PM on a Thursday when they should all be studying, all because he stalked Jake’s Instagram and saw his IG story with Sunghoon. They appear to be pulling a late night at the library, judging from the selfie Jake took of them surrounded by laptops, take-out coffee, and hard-bound documents, just like he said. They look so right together.
“Okay, but hyung,” Jay levels with him with the wisdom of a concerned convenience store uncle, “You know you have to bite the bullet eventually, right? The sooner you do it, the easier.”
“I know,” Heeseung whines.
“When?”
Heeseung is stumped. He doesn’t want to lie to Jay and tell him the next time he gets that inevitable “You free ;)?” text from Jake. Because at the moment, he’s consumed with overflowing affection (he lied about not knowing what love is – it is THIS) and it’s literally against every fiber of his being to reply with, “Hey, maybe we should put a pause on things (because I’m having thoughts about us getting married and adopting a dog together).”
Judging from the look on Jay’s face, it’s like he can read every single thought in Heeseung’s head. “You’re hopeless.”
“I know.”
“Hey, I just remembered something,” Sunoo pipes up after breaking out of his giggle spell, “Aren’t Yeonjun and Jake friends?”
Heeseung heaves a sigh and lets his head hit the table with a thunk.
When Heeseung realized that he was, in fact, falling for Jake, he was optimistic at first.
The chances of Jake liking him back were low but never zero. Right? Right?
Wrong.
When he entered this setup with Jake (September 5th, party at Jungwon’s house), Jake made it explicitly clear from the jump that he wasn’t looking for anything that required commitment. And that was fine with Heeseung, really! He wasn’t much of a relationship guy, either, and he found Jake really, really hot. He’d be stupid to pass up the opportunity.
They tumbled into bed (more accurately, Jungwon’s bathroom) knowing what they both wanted. In Heeseung’s mind, it has always been sex. Jungwon is that one kid in class who’s friends with everybody on campus, hence – he was friends with Jake and Heeseung.
In a bleak turn of events, Heeseung woke up one day realizing that Jake was interesting and smart and sweet and compassionate. He had the kindest, brightest eyes, and his laugh was musical. He had such a big heart for animals, crying at rescue compilations on his phone when he thought Heeseung wasn’t looking.
And it was so easy for Heeseung to make him laugh. Heeseung would only have to look at him a certain way, and he’d burst out laughing. And he had this unconscious habit of biting his lip that drove Heeseung crazy.
His general taste in music could definitely be better, but he’s got Heeseung listening to Justin Bieber and Post Malone now, so who’s the real sucker here?
But Jake’s perfect qualities aside, Heeseung is absolutely terrified of the possibility of ruining what they have by introducing a new element to their dynamic (the element being the messy, complicated nuisance that is love). So amidst the longing and pining, he keeps his mouth shut.
Then came acceptance.
He kept telling himself that it was going to be fine, he’d get over whatever bug that bit him, he’d fuck the feelings out of his system. He dedicated hours to scrolling through Reddit forums reading stories about people who took the risk and professed their feelings to the other person… Spoiler alert, the fallouts are brutal, not much different from how Sunoo broke Yeonjun’s little heart.
The yearning, however, had only grown since.
So he decided, together with Sunoo and Jay, on a sober Saturday evening in Jay’s massive apartment uptown, that maybe this limerence was no longer healthy and the only real way to get over Jake was to halt the sex altogether.
He’s made at least three attempts to broach the subject (if you count stuttering and breathing into Jake’s mouth as an attempt) but has seen little to zero success. Closer to zero, if he’s being completely accurate.
So the next time Jake sends him a text, four days after their last tryst, asking if he could come over, Heeseung texts back with Jake’s favorite GIF, a Star Trek meme involving two middle-aged men nodding courteously at each other. It never fails to get a “LOOOOOOL” from Jake.
Heeseung is anxiously pacing around his room when he hears a knock on the door. What he sees waiting for him outside completely takes his breath away.
Jake is wearing a powder blue polo shirt with the sleeves rolled up. A few buttons are undone to reveal a white shirt inside. He’s also wearing a pair of white-rimmed glasses that Heeseung is seeing for the first time. His black hair looks like it was professionally styled, delicate wisps framing his face perfectly.
He looks like a dream.
“Hey,” Heeseung breathes.
Jake’s face melts into a grin like he’s pleased to see Heeseung rendered speechless. “Hey, you.”
Heeseung’s mouth hangs open like that for a few moments before Jake presses up on his tiptoes and goes straight for Heeseung’s lips. It takes Heeseung’s brain half a second to catch up, and when it does, he’s scooping Jake in his arms and kissing him properly.
“I’ve been thinking about this all day, hyung,” Jake says breathlessly, and Heeseung takes in his scent. He smells like orange blossoms with a hint of lavender, his Prada cologne mixing with laundry softener and it drives Heeseung mad with want.
Jake’s arms loop around Heeseung’s neck and he falls completely into him, letting himself be claimed and kissed that only Heeseung knows how. He licks into Jake’s mouth with every intention of devouring his face, and Jake makes a sound that shoots straight to Heeseung’s balls.
Heeseung leads them both inside without breaking the kiss, Jake kicking the door behind him as he goes, his backpack sliding off his shoulder and on the floor.
Heeseung lets his ass fall on the edge of his bed, with Jake crawling over him and straddling his hips.
“I want you,” Jake wastes no time. “I want you in me,” He looks at him with heavy-lidded eyes, which Heeseung has come to know as his fuck-me eyes.
Heeseung reaches up and gently takes off Jake’s glasses for him. “Okay, but how was your tutoring session today?”
Jake blinks. “What?”
Jake tutors in his spare time for reasons unknown to Heeseung. Jake is in a million different organizations but he still finds the time to teach 10th-grade physics and maths. His students are typically kids from families who have just enough to make ends meet, so Jake doesn’t charge them. He meets them at the public library every Monday, walking them through their study and homework notes. One kid gave Jake homemade kimbap as a thank-you, and he brought it to Heeseung to share one night. ( “Hey, before you blow out my back, are you in the mood for a late-night snack?” was Jake’s text to him.)
It’s one of the things that Heeseung can’t quite wrap his mind around – that someone as beautiful and kind as Jake is walking around and blending in with the rest of them mortals.
“You don’t have to answer that,” Heeseung backpedals.
“No,” Jake relaxes on top of him. “I want to tell you. It was great, actually. Riki got an A on his Trig exam.”
“That’s awesome. Remind me again, Riki is…”
“The Japanese kid who moved to Seoul last year.”
“Oh. He’s the one who gave you the–”
“The kimbap, yeah,” Jake’s face lights up with recognition, warmth ghosting over his eyes, “Apparently, his mom has gotten so good at making it now.”
“He sounds really cool.”
“He’s the best.”
“And you did great, Teacher Jake.”
“Stop,” Jake chuckles, shielding his face.
“Oh, come on, take the compliment. The kid aced his exam because of you.”
“No, he’s actually really smart; he just needed some guidance, is all.”
“ Riiiight .”
“He’s so cute. He said he wanted to make me proud.”
“Are you? Proud of him?”
“So proud I could cry,” Jake admits, his eyes twinkling. “I didn’t though, because that would be embarrassing. What am I, his mother?” He snorts.
And right there, Heeseung sees why Jake does it. He genuinely loves tutoring. He loves helping people. Saying goodbye to him is going to gut Heeseung like a fish.
He rests his hands on Jake’s thighs, bracing himself. “There is actually something I wanted to tell you.”
“Can it wait, hyung? I’ve had a long day and I want to reward myself.”
It doesn’t escape Heeseung that Jake thinks of him – this, whatever they have – as a reward, but in the words of that one TikTok meme, we must stay focused, brothers. We must stay focused.
“Well, actually, it’s about–”
“Please,” He bites down on his lower lip, eyes sparkling with lustful hope, and the sight is something porn directors would exchange their souls for. “ Please, daddy. ”
“Oh, that’s just evil,” Heeseung whines, his forehead dropping on Jake’s shoulder, and it makes Jake giggle on top of him.
“Is it too much? I’m not overdoing it, am I?” There it is again, just the faintest hint of insecurity coming up to the surface to reveal itself in the most inexplicable way. He has no idea that Heeseung finds him and anything he does devastatingly perfect.
“No, no, I like it," I like you.
“I just find it weird that we’ve known each other for so long, and I still don’t know what your kinks are. Do you even have any, Lee Heeseung?”
“Well, you just unlocked one, apparently,” He jokes, although he thinks he doesn’t have a daddy kink, but more of a Jake kink, “What about you? What are you into?”
Heeseung has his arms around his waist now, holding him, waiting for his response, and the whole thing feels oddly intimate.
“You,” Jake says casually, bumping their noses together.
Heeseung’s breath hitches.
“And I like my hair getting pulled, but you already know that.”
Heeseung lifts one arm to comb his fingers through Jake’s hair, pulling ever so gently. It makes Jake hiss and his mouth fall open. Heesung leans forward to suck along Jake’s neck and the reaction is automatic; Jake’s hips start rolling.
“Please, please, please. Ruin me.”
“Jake–”
“I’m so wet.”
“Jesus.”
“I want you to fuck me so hard I can feel it for days.”
“Oh, god.”
“Please, hyung, I waited for four whole days for this, please.”
“Wait, you were counting?”
Jake kisses him, hard. It’s one of those sloppy, open-mouthed kisses that he feels at the back of his skull and leaves him dizzy and out of breath.
It’s been hardly 10 minutes and he’s already fully hard.
This is why Heeseung can’t get a word in edge-wise. He has a beautiful, horny boy in his arms begging for his dick. Can Sunoo really blame him???
The pressure against his crotch is insistent with the way Jake is grinding against him, ass flush against the angry outline of his cock.
“Wait,” He says when he has a chance to resurface.
For a moment, Jake looks nervous, like he expects Heeseung to deliver disappointing news.
“Can these stay on?” Heseung retrieves Jake’s glasses from the bed and slides them back on.
“Oh,” He breathes out. He makes a relieved sound that tapers into a giggle. “Looks like we found you another kink.”
“Nah, I think I have just a you-kink,” Heeseung says dumbly before he can help himself.
That seems to have an effect on Jake. His cheeks turn a pretty shade of pink, and he’s giggling again, but Heeseung can tell it’s his awkward giggle, the kind to fill out the silence.
“Sorry,” Heeseung apologizes like a reflex.
In lieu of a response, Jake kisses him, softly, and whispers against his lips, “Undress me.”
Heeseung ends up fucking him in three different positions that night; on his knees, on his back, and at one point, Heeseung finds himself spooning Jake, loving the delicious curve of his back against his chest as he drills into him. And at this point, the glasses had to go.
Jake’s body is so malleable. It’s incredible how Heeseung can arrange and rearrange him in a million different ways and he’d just give.
“ So good, so big, so perfect. Fuck. ” He mutters mindlessly as Heeseung jackrabbits into him, reaching depths that should honestly be physically and biologically impossible.
Heeseung holds onto his waist, which in this position, with him lying on his side, looks even impossibly smaller. “Holy shit.”
Jake is completely nonverbal now, only communicating via grunts and moans and these melodious high-pitched noises when Heeseung hits a spot inside him.
Jake’s back arches and tenses before he’s cumming and shaking next to Heeseung.
Heeseung, not wanting to miss the moment, cups his jaw and turns his head to face him while his body clenches and trembles from his orgasm. Heeseung pries his mouth open with his tongue, not caring if Jake is too out of it to kiss him back.
“Cum inside me,” Jake tells him after a moment. “Wanna feel it. Wanna feel you.”
That does it for Heeseung. He slumps forward, burying his face into the crook of Jake’s neck, and cums. He cums forever. He cums so much he almost passes out.
When he comes to, he slips his leg between Jake’s and pulls him closer against his chest. He can feel Jake tense against him for one heart-stopping moment. But Heeseung doesn’t retreat; he holds his ground, sober enough to realize that they’re both wading into new territories.
Eventually, Jake relaxes and takes Heeseung’s hand in his own, linking their fingers together.
Heeseung doesn’t even realize he fell asleep until he wakes up to Jake still in his arms. Except Jake is now half-splayed on top of him, arm thrown over his chest, his full lips poutier than normal.
He’s so cute that Heeseung wants to die.
Might as well. Because he’s quite sure if he doesn’t die from Jake, Sunoo will kill him instead. He had a plan, albeit a flawed, carelessly laid plan, to end things with Jake but he instead fucked up in the most monumental way: spoon him after sex.
Which is unprecedented on the list of ways Heeseung has dug a deeper hole for himself since coming to terms with his feelings.
Jake’s head suddenly pops up, with one eye open and hair sticking out in a hundred different directions.
“Cute,” Heeseung observes, mostly to himself.
“What time is it?”
They both scramble off each other to search for their phones. On Heeseung’s screen, it says, 7:46. He only has afternoon classes on Tuesdays, so he’s not worried.
Jake, however…
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck me, fuck,” He panics, bolting out of bed to hastily collect his clothes strewn across the floor.
“What time’s your class?” He offers, sitting awkwardly and feeling utterly useless.
“I have Programming at eight!!!”
“Relax, you can still make it.”
“Fuck, I shouldn’t have slept over.”
Heeseung deflates, “I’m sorry.”
Jake is in the middle of putting on his slacks when he stops and fixes a look on Heeseung. “Why are you apologizing?”
“I don’t know…?” Heeseung shrugs unhelpfully. Because I initiated a cuddle with you when you should have been getting ready to leave like you always do?
“It takes two to tango, hyung.”
“I know that, but–” Heeseung tries to find the right words, some angle that lets Jake know he’s sorry, not just for the cuddling, but for all of it, for catching feelings, for ruining what should’ve been an easy, breezy thing between them, for dragging this out. But he goes with, “I shouldn’t have– we shouldn’t have.”
“Oh,” There’s a flash of something across Jake’s face, but it’s gone before Heeseung can fully process the emotion and put a name to it. He schools his face into something unreadable. “You regret it?”
“You don’t?” Heeseung asks, trying to gauge Jake’s reaction. But his remains a cold veneer that’s too early for Heeseung to dissect.
“Well, now I do,” Jake enunciates, a completely uncharacteristic voice coming out of him.
“Okay.”
“Okay,” Jake lets his eyes linger on him, hoping to find something there.
Heeseung clears the rocks forming in his throat, thinking this is a good time as any. “Jake, last night, there really was something I wanted to talk to you about.”
Jake scoffs. “Don’t bother.”
“ What? ”
“I can tell, hyung. You’re not exactly subtle.”
Heeseung pales. “What do you know?”
“You want to dump me, right? You’ve been wanting to dump me.”
“Well, ‘dump’ isn’t exactly the word I would use–”
“Tomayto, tomato,” Jake smiles, eyes completely blank. “You’ve been acting weird lately. I could tell something was up. And I’m right, you do want out.”
Heeseung opens and closes his mouth a few times before settling on, “Well, something like that.”
“ Something like that,” Jake repeats, wrapping his arms around himself. “Well,” he says slowly like he wants to be sure of what he’s about to say next, “It’s not like you owe me an explanation, but can I ask why?”
Heeseung has rehearsed the speech a thousand times in his head. “I just think it’ll be for our own good.”
Jake lets that hang in the air for a while, processing it. “Damn, and here I was thinking I gave good head,” Jake chuckles, refusing to look at Heeseung’s eyes.
“It was perfect. You were perfect,” If there is one thing Heeseung won’t do, it’s to let Jake walk out the door believing his head game wasn’t top-tier.
“Yeah, but not good enough,” Jake nods mechanically. “In that case, thank you for some of the best sex of my life. And for not ghosting me, that would’ve been worse.”
“Jake, I would never,” Heeseung wants to cry and tell Jake he’ll be mourning their non-existent relationship for months to come. But he’d rather kill himself than lay bare the fact that he’s a pathetic loser who betrayed and violated their spoken agreement with each other.
“See you around campus, Lee Heeseung,” Jake offers one last time, still unable to meet Heeseung’s eyes.
“Take care of yourself, Jake.”
“Hey… Heeseung hyung, we’re on the same page right?”
Heeseung looked down between his legs. Jake was slowly jerking him off in Jungwon’s bathroom, where Jake dragged him so they could make out. Making out quickly escalated to this, with Jake on his knees in front of him with his cock out. He was leaking so much already it was embarrassing. “Hhnng?”
“We’re just gonna hook up, no strings?”
“Uh,” Heeseung swallowed, trying to concentrate on a thought. He was so hard he could hardly think. “I literally just… met you?”
“Yeah, I know. But I don’t really do this. I don’t sleep around,” He let the fat head of Heeseung’s cock sit on his tongue, causing Heeseung’s vision to blur. His sinful, thick lips looked straight-up pornographic.
“Is this the part where you ask me not to fall in love with you?”
He looked up at Heeseung and batted his lashes prettily, “Yes, I guess,”
“You’re so pretty, fuck," He tangled his fingers in Jake’s hair, watching his eyes fall shut immediately at the contact. “I don’t do this, either, if that helps.”
“Is that a yes?” Jake breathed.
“I don’t,” Heeseung panted, unable to form any thoughts from how well Jake was taking turns between stroking and tonguing his cock. “I don’t know.”
“It’s just,” Jake continued, “I am juggling so many things right now, with my academics and extracurriculars, I can’t afford to be in a relationship.”
“Uh-huh. Gotcha,”
“But you’re so fucking hot, music production major Lee Heeseung. I don’t mind you fucking my brains out once in a while.”
“Same, you’re… God, you’re pretty,”
“Good. Shake on it?”
Heeseung was surprised to see Jake actually offering his hand out for Heeseung to shake, the same hand that was giving Heeseung a vacuum seal double-hand twist seconds ago. He couldn’t help the snortle escaping out of him when he shook Jake’s hand.
“Okay, perfect. Now, finger me open so I can take your obscenely huge cock.”
11 days. It’s been 264 hours since Heeseung last saw Jake. Spoke to Jake. Hugged Jake. Kissed Jake.
15,840 bleak, agonizing minutes of missing Jake and the way his body feels against him and the way he would look at Heeseung from under his lashes.
Heeseung is the first one to admit he tends to overexaggerate every bad thing that happens in his life, but this suffering is just next-level.
In a moment of weakness, he texted Jake to ask him how he was (in a super cool, nonchalant way! Just checking in on a friend, no big deal!!!), but the message didn’t go through, which means he’s been blocked, which means Heeseung’s life is practically over.
And then he realized a bit later, after sobbing into his bowl of ramen, that this was for the best. Jake blocking him gives Heeseung closure. It means Jake’s over it already, and Heeseung should be, too. This is his sign to truly start working on his healing, instead of moping around and getting fixated on a relationship that never was.
That’s until he receives a series of panicked texts from Sunoo one Monday night.
Sunoo
hyung
Sunoo
hyung
Sunoo
hyung
Sunoo
look at yeonjun’s ig story. now.
He pulls up the Instagram app and goes straight to Yeonjun’s profile. It has a rainbow-colored line around it, which means he posted a story Heeseung hasn’t viewed yet.
He clicks on it and sees Jake first thing. His chest tightens. Jake is wearing shades inside what appears to be a coffee shop, with Yeonjun’s arm around him.
The caption reads: Welcome the new member of the Broken Hearts Club.
It takes Heeseung a few moments to process that.
Jake is… heartbroken?
A caption with a tinier font lies beneath it: Moral of the story: Never ever catch feelings for your sneaky link.
“What the fuck?”
Are they mocking him ? Has Heeseung’s dirty little secret somehow escaped his tiny social bubble, and now Yeonjin and Jake are publicly making fun of him for it?
Wait.
No. Jake wouldn’t do that.
Heeseung blinks at the caption.
Wait.
Is Heeseung the sneaky link?
His phone pings with a notification from Sunoo.
Sunoo
have you seen it? Please tell me you’ve seen it.
Sunoo
lee heeseung, i know you’ve read my texts. answer me.
Heeseung can’t talk to Sunoo right now.
Instead, he looks back on the times when he’d stay up all night overanalyzing every text Jake sent him… Read into every lingering kiss… Put meaning to every time Jake begged to fuck him raw (which was all the time). He would overthink every extra minute that Jake spent in his dorm room under his sheets only to head out a few hours later.
Could it be? Could it be possible that he wasn’t the only one? Is there even a tiny teeny shred of a chance that he misread the entire situation?
It’s also very likely that Yeonjun’s story had nothing to do with Heeseung. Jake could very well have met someone after Heeseung and gotten attached to them.
He pulls up his iMessage conversation with Jake and starts typing out a message before remembering he’s blocked. He needs to talk to him right now.
He needs to get answers.
Then he remembers – it’s a Monday. If Heeseung is right, and if he knows Jake as well as he thinks he does, there’s only one place Jake could be at this hour.
The public library is surprisingly calm when Heeseung steps into its pristine halls.
All he can hear is the gentle tap-tap of fingers on laptop keys, soft laughter from a group study area, and the whir of a printing machine near one of the giant shelves in the corner.
He scans the room, the neatly lined study tables near the entrance, and the rows of shelves at the back end of the room, heart aching with the hope of spotting him in one of the study areas or book aisles.
He walks deeper into the library, going straight for the study nooks where he hopes Jake will be.
“Heeseung hyung?”
A voice too familiar calls softly. He turns around and right there, two feet away from Heeseung, is Jake.
“Hey, Jake,” Heeseung greets in an almost whisper.
“You here to study?” Jake fidgets with the sleeves of his sweater (his sweater paws, as Heeseung lovingly calls them).
He looks smaller than Heeseung remembers and there’s a weariness to his eyes that makes Heeseung want to embrace him in front of all these bystanders.
“No,” Heeseung is done skirting, “I’m here for you. I tried to text you but –”
And there it is – that unconscious, nervous habit. Jake bites down on his lower lip and starts chewing. “Yeah, sorry, I didn’t really think we had anything more to talk about.”
“Right,” Heeseung nods quickly. It’s now or never. “Except I saw one of Yeonjun hyung’s posts. And I wanted to know what that was about.”
Jake’s body goes rigid. “Fuck, what did he do?”
“Here, I’ll just show you.” He fishes his phone out of his pocket and turns the screen toward Jake.
Jake’s eyes widen in horror. “I’ll fucking kill him,” he mutters under his breath.
“Jake, did you…I don’t want to be presumptuous, but what does this mean? Are you broken over what happened? Is this about us?”
Jake is tugging on his sweater paws again, looking severely uncomfortable. He grabs Heeseung’s wrist and walks them both deeper into an aisle, where no one can hear them. “Sorry you had to find out this way, but I’m in pretty bad shape, hyung.”
“But I thought–you didn’t want any strings. You said–you said you just wanted to just hook up.”
“I know what I said, hyung,” Jake admits quietly, reaching to wipe at his cheeks. That’s when Heeseung realizes Jake is crying. “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.” Then he cringes at his own reference. “God, that was stupid.”
“Jake,” Heeseung has to duck his head so he can meet Jake’s eyes. “Spell it out for me– were you serious about us?”
“Well yeah!” Jake exclaims. “I’m sorry, okay! I’m pathetic! I told you, I’m not– I don’t do this. I don’t do casual hookups, casual sex, whatever you wanna call it. And you, you were just.” He fidgets again. “You felt so right. I told myself I wasn’t mentally available for a relationship, but you just made it so easy to fit you into my life,” he concludes. “Fuck! Why am I saying this?” He slams his hand against his forehead.
Heeseung’s mind floats on a standstill. He tries to process everything he just heard.
“Please say something,” Jake asks him in a soft voice. His eyes are shining underneath the fluorescent lights of the library. “You know at one point, I thought– hoped –that maybe I wasn’t reading into things. That maybe you were feeling what I was feeling, too. But that morning, when you ended us, none of it made sense.”
“Jake, I don’t know how to tell you this,” Heeseung starts, “But I’m crazy about you.”
“...Eh?” Jake's head tilts in a way that almost makes him look cartoonish.
“Why do you think I ended it? I broke the first rule. Every time we were together, I felt like I was betraying you. I even got jealous of Sunghoon!”
“Sunghoon? Eww! That man has a crush on Jungwon the size of Mt. Everest!”
“And I felt dirty,” Heeseung continues, “like I was emotionally using you somehow. Wow. Feels weird admitting that finally.”
“Emotionally using me? That’s why you broke up with me?”
“Can you really call it a break-up if we weren’t even… actually dating?”
That triggers something in Jake because it makes him gasp, fresh tears forming. “Oh, god.”
“No, Jake,” he places his hands on Jake’s shoulders, meeting his eyes in earnest, “I’m saying I liked you. I still like you. Very much. And if I didn’t hallucinate what I just heard and I still fit in your life, like you said, then I’d like a second chance.”
“Lee Heeseung, are you fucking kidding me,” Jake’s face goes through a range of emotions in five seconds, confusion, anger, joy, hope, back to confusion, before fixing his expression on rage. “11 fucking days. Radio silence for 11 days. Do you have any idea how much I missed you?!”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry–” Heeseung doesn’t fully grasp what’s going on yet but he does what feels right at the moment, and that’s hug Jake.
He pulls Jake toward him and lets him cry all over the shirt under his hoodie. Jake curls into him and lets himself be cocooned in his arms, and he also feels smaller than Heeseung remembers.
“I thought I wasn’t gonna see you again,” Jake says into his chest like it’s an embarrassing bit of info to be sharing with Heeseung. “I didn’t wanna block you; Yeonjun hyung made me do it.”
Heeseung tucks Jake’s head under his chin, overtaken by an overwhelming wave of affection. He’s so, so, so in love with this boy.
“I was an idiot, Jake,” he confesses, “But if you’d let me, I’ll do it right this time.”
Jake looks up at him, sniffing. His cheeks are streaked with tears. “You mean that? You wanna give this a try?”
“Yeah,” he brushes the back of his hand across Jake’s cheek, watching Jake’s eyes flutter at the touch. “That’s what I should’ve done in the first place. I should’ve taken a leap of faith and told you how I felt instead of putting us both through… whatever that was.”
“Okay,” Jake sighs, “But you should know I want the whole deal.”
Heeseung's eyebrows rise to his forehead.
“I want romantic dates. I want cheesy pet names. I want hand-written love letters. I want cuddles in bed. I want the whole shebang. That’s what I want, hyung. I’m naming my terms now.”
Heeseung can’t help the smile tearing his face open, shaking his head in helpless adoration, “Shake on it?” He extends his hand between them.
Jake breaks into a smile of his own, and Heeseung swears he’s never seen eyes shine that bright in his life. Jake squeezes his hand and yanks it toward him so their noses bump in an awkward eskimo kiss.
It’s as if something snaps. Jake instantly charges into his mouth, fully getting on his tiptoes and pushing Heeseung until his back slams into the bookshelf behind him, the shelf rocking from the sudden force.
“Whoa,” Heeseung laughs against Jake’s mouth, steadying both of them, which means Jake is making out with Heeseung’s teeth more than his lips, but Jake doesn’t seem to mind, desperate to get as much of Heeseung as he can.
Heeseung matches his enthusiasm, titling his head so he can slot his lips perfectly into Jake’s plump ones, sucking and licking into his mouth like Jake is the first sip of water he’s had after a long day. It makes Jake whine into the kiss, getting up further into his tiptoes to take more.
Jake tastes like one of those banana yogurt drinks he loves so much–
“Jake hyung?”
Jake’s head whips, and just like that, he’s scrambling off Heeseung toward the opposite shelf, putting at least a three-foot distance between them.
“Riki,” he addresses the boy standing at the end of the aisle and looking at them with curious eyes.
“Sorry, you were just gone for so long I started to worry,” He tells Jake, absolutely not at all fazed by the fact that he just walked into them aggressively making out against a bookshelf like hormonal teenagers, “You must be Heeseung-ssi.”
“Hi, it’s nice to meet you, Riki,” Heeseung gives him a tiny wave. “Jake has told me so much about you.”
“Really?” Riki beams, “That’s great, because he wouldn’t shut up about you, either!”
“Riki…” Jake warns.
He mimes zipping his mouth shut. “Did you guys finally make up? Heeseung-ssi, could you please give Jake hyung a chance so he’ll stop writing sad poems in his notebook?”
“You got some nerve,” Jake glares at Riki, but there’s no actual bite if Riki’s resulting grin is anything to go by.
“For you, Riki, I will. And you can call me hyung.”
Jake rolls his eyes at him.
“Nice, Heeseung hyung,” he bumps his fist in the air.
Heeseung already loves him.
“Riki, back to your seat please.”
“Yes, sir,” Riki gives Jake a salute and Heeseung an encouraging thumbs up before turning on his heels and hopping away.
“I got to read those sad poems. I gots to,” Heeseung leans down to whisper into Jake’s ear, and Jake elbows him in the ribs.
“First quarrel as a couple, and you’re already violent?”
Jake blushes at the word, but he rolls his eyes in feigned annoyance to keep up the bit. “We actually still have some stuff we need to go over. Did you wanna stay and join us?”
Heeseung is hit with a feeling of lightness in his chest that takes him by surprise. He realizes at that moment, unlike in the past, he actually doesn’t have to hold back now. “Yes, I’d love to. I’d also love you to take you home after, if that’s okay with you.”
Jake looks down between them and takes Heeseung’s hand in his, their fingers finding their place with each other, “Anything for my boyfriend. ”
Heeseung chokes and stumbles on his own foot, in that order, and Jake’s laugh can be heard throughout the building.
Sunoo
lee heeseung
Sunoo
heeseung hyung
Sunoo
how dare you not reply to any of my messages
Sunoo
and then go on instagram to post about your new relationship
Sunoo
heeseung hyung i need details
Sunoo
please i’m dying
Sunoo
what do you mean boyfriend heart emoji ??? and who is that highschooler you’re with in the picture
Sunoo
heeseung hyung waht happened?
Sunoo
i’m literally going to kill myself and plaster your name all over my suicide note
Sunoo
okay sorry too far. bad joke
Sunoo
heeseung hyung do you not love me at all