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i didn’t feel anything at first, but when realization sank, i almost fell over. a familiar feeling punctured somewhere in the middle of my chest, like a pounding, beating of a drum. while an economics professor was waiting for me to check out her library card, she chatted animatedly with her colleague and i couldn’t help but eavesdrop. when the words “homecoming”, and “huh yunjin” were mentioned in one sentence, i almost dropped the books on the professor’s feet.
“i couldn’t help but overhear your conversation… did you say huh yunjin is coming back…?” i croaked.
“yes! it’s on the news everywhere. she’s attending her former school’s foundation anniversary as a baseball alum.” she hushed excitedly. she almost looked like she was blushing.
“ms. kim, didn’t you graduate from hanlim high school, too?”
she and her friend looked at me expectantly, like i was some sort of bingo announcer about to shout the magic winning number. i nodded slowly, a small smile formed on my lips.
“wow! you and huh yunjin were schoolmates, then! were you in the same year?”
“has she always been so tall?”
“did she have any school romances back then?”
the pair of them launched their questions like an automatic rifle, i swung albeit defensively, and yet i couldn’t duck myself for cover in time.
i shrugged and quietly said, “i didn’t really know her that much, she was always just playing baseball, i guess.”
before they could respond, i pushed my thick-rimmed glasses back to the bridge of my nose and went back to my excel spreadsheets. they said their thank yous and skipped their way out of the library.
finally, quiet again.
like every typical librarian, one glare from me could snap chatty visitors’ mouths at an instant. i reveled in the silence of my humble workplace, with shelves taller than any average person, filled with books old and new. i could spend hours in silence, tapping on my computer archives, or shelving books from the returned pile. this is the job of my dreams. customary, routine, familiar, comfort zone.
i realized that i have been tapping the Y key on the keyboard, lost in thought. i couldn’t believe the words i heard earlier could ever be strung together in one sentence, not even in my wildest dreams. i tapped my legs restlessly. it couldn’t be true, could it?
how many popular huh yunjins could make girls this flustered?
there’s a one-hundred one percent chance that the result is, well, one .
to preserve my peace of mind, i decided to google her, and when the results showed the rumor to be true, i almost spiraled in my seat.
did you know huh yunjin in high school? the words from the two professors rang in my head.
i knew damn well who huh yunjin is.
yunjin and i have been friends since the day we learned how to talk. we lived on the same block, sat together in class, shared snacks during recess, we’d bicker loudly and fight like the worst of all enemies. according to our mothers, when she pulled my hair after i had claimed her spider-man lego, i screamed so loud it could be heard two houses down the block. she felt so guilty about it and rushed to peck me on the cheeks so i’d stop bawling. not sure how accurate our mothers’ anecdotes are, if they had been exaggerated or not, but they said, after that fight, little yunjin had treated the little me sweeter.
on good days, we played on the swings at the playground. we walked home together and would visit each other’s houses to play board games and bomberman.
upon reaching puberty, my boobs had grown, i started getting my period and hormonal mood swings. meanwhile, yunjin had grown a foot taller and her shoulders stretched widely. she lost her baby fat and developed muscle definition after playing sports. it was a time in our lives when it was officially awkward to hold hands while crossing the street, or for her to playfully grab me by the neck.
it wasn’t only the skinship that changed. yunjin grew to be more popular with the boys and even girls when she performed well in high school baseball. she was tall, fit, respectful and most importantly, she had a kind smile that would make your heart do a tap dance. and so my heart wore dancing shoes everyday.
while yunjin was busy playing sports, i joined the school paper as a news writer. the club meetings took up most of my afternoons when i used to spend them by waiting for yunjin. by the time she finished practice, i would still be in the school library, either my face buried in a stack of books, or fingers furiously tapping an article on my laptop.
“you can go first. i don’t think i can go home yet, not unless this article writes itself.” i said one afternoon, not looking up. i was preparing an article for the school sports festival, where yunjin was the third-year representative and captain. i heard her walk up to me and braced myself. tap tap tap.
she set her gym bag and batting equipment on the table and sat on the chair beside me.
“i’ll wait.” she said calmly. she crossed her arms over the table and closed her eyes, as if to sleep. she sat there in silence, baking in the sounds of my keyboard smashing my unnerving thoughts and emotions.
suffice to say, i didn’t get anything done after that. the smell of soap and cologne crept up to my nose and her broad shoulders lightly touched mine. her sitting so innocently with her head on the table was enough of a distraction. it also didn’t help that on my periphery, i knew that she was facing my direction. in the next three minutes or so, i allowed myself to stare at her face: bags under her eyes were slowly showing, her well-defined nose, her mouth slightly agape, with evidence of picking and biting the lower lip skin.
when she startled awake, i scrambled to close the laptop monitor so loudly i thought i had cracked the screen. embarrassed and face probably beet red, i stood up to leave. she carried all of my bags that day. when i offered to carry her gym bag, she refused.
in the last few weeks of that semester, i had became interim editor-in-chief. yunjin’s games had ended and our deadline for the year-end publication drew nearer. that meant i had made the library my second home like a bridge troll, only allowing brief, important conversations. my entire table was covered with mock newspaper clippings, sample layouts, glue, stacks and stacks of drafts that went through multiple, desperate, bloody revisions. this and the rest of my academic subjects i balanced gingerly on a thin line. yunjin would continue to visit and wait by the other corner of the library, pretending to read mystery thriller books she picked from the shelves. most of the time, she slept. i never saw her study, even in the library. she didn’t need to as she aces all her subjects while hitting home runs on the field. i always suspected that she astral projects in her sleep and studies inside the realm of dreams. that’s probably why no matter how much she slept, she was still constantly tired.
in other words, yunjin always seemed like she never had to try. she was good at everything. and i always had to work hard just to be able to stand on the same playing field as she was, at least once or twice.
one particular day, when afternoon classes were canceled to give way to the club meetings, i was in my usual spot in the library with kazuha, our layout artist and a second-year student from class B. we were finalizing the layout design before submitting it to the publishing house. yunjin was in baseball practice and had been MIA from the library all week.
a group of girls suddenly filled the library.
“she’s not here!” i heard one of them say. they noticed zuha and i chatting quietly in the corner.
“hey, you’re chaewon right?” a girl with jet black hair siad. her skin was white as porcelain. she had retainers on, the ones that looked unfairly pretty on lucky pretty girls.
i nodded.
“are you yunjin’s girlfriend?”
“excuse me?” i blurted out, eyes almost popping out of my eye sockets.
she chuckled. “right? i couldn’t believe it myself too. i know yunjin only sees you as her best friend.”
i couldn’t respond right away. it was true, but why did it sting so much?
“but they’re always together, i saw her give her a lunchbox during breaks.” a petite girl with a wolf haircut emerged from the sides. she had her arms crossed and an eyebrow raised.
the rest of the group murmured in unison.
“our mothers are close friends, so it was natural for us to grow up being friends, too.” i said irritably. not only was this irrelevant but it was so annoying that a bunch of girls would question our decade-long friendship.
“i don’t have to spell out the dynamics of our friendship to you. if it bothers you so much, why don’t you personally tell yunjin’s mother to stop asking me to bring her lunch boxes for her.”
it was quiet for a few seconds. i was afraid that it would escalate into a screaming match or a brawl that could result in us being kicked out–or worse, banned–from the library. the herd of girls glared at me and i glared right back.
“um, a-as you can see, she’s not here.” zuha breaks the silence, clearly intimidated but she soldiers on. “and you’re disrupting our meeting.”
the first girl gives me a pointed look and spins on her heel and the rest follows.
kazuha sighed in relief. “oh my god, unnie, i thought i would experience my first visit to the principal’s office before graduation.” she rubbed her sweaty palms together.
i stifled a giggle, anger fading. zuha’s gentle personality softened me right away. i couldn’t help but smile at her.
“don’t worry, zuha, we don’t start fights but we sure as hell can end them.”
yunjin and i met less and less after that. i had purposely avoided her as much as i could because i still felt upset and she didn’t even have a vague idea about other girls spreading rumors about us. another reason was i didn’t want to be referred to as “yunjin’s best friend” anymore. her growing popularity in school made me only slink back down to the pits of the social hierarchy.
i also wanted to take some time away and contemplate my feelings about our friendship. she’s the only friend i grew up with. we shared meals together and walked home together. she would hug me when i was upset and i would console her when she lost her games. this was common best friend behavior, right? so why else would it suddenly change? why can’t we just stay like this forever?
weeks after my so-called yunjin blackout, i was left alone to clear the table i had claimed in the far corner of the library when yunjin popped in to visit.
the school year had finally come to a close, exams and ball games concluded, and the year-end paper was now distributed to everyone on campus: yunjin’s team pictured on the front page headline, declared as the year’s champions in inter-high school level.
she had a copy of the newspaper in her hand, grinning.
“nice article, unnie!”
“is it nice because it had your winning face covering the entire spread?”
“i mean, you finally got an article on the front page!” she was waving the paper to me, pointing at the byline, as if i hadn’t seen the layout more than a hundred times already. “written by– kim chaewon! how cool is that!”
“my name is in a tiny font under your 32 font-size on the headline. i promise you, it’s not a big deal.”
“it is for me, though. i read it word for word. i loved it. you’re so good at words, unnie.” her eyes crinkled at the sides and i waved her off, blushing.
“i’ve seen enough of this newspaper, i think i’m going to be nauseous.” i faked a retching sound.
“i’ve started seeing that damn thing in my dreams, yun.” i grimaced. “please hide that from me. or i will rip it into shreds.”
yunjin giggled boisterously. i immediately swiped my hands over her mouth.
“sshh! the librarian will hear you!” i looked around nervously, relaxing after realizing the librarian was nowhere in sight. “i don’t want to get kicked out on our last day of school.”
she grabbed my arms and removed my hands from her mouth. “seriously, though, i’m proud of you. you worked so hard for this all semester.”
“well, the subject was interesting to write about.”
“is that right?” she smiled, mischief glinted in her eyes.
“ Hanlim’s Revival After Years of Being Dormant in High School Baseball was a pretty cool angle to write.” i said. and it truly was. the moment i saw the efforts and hardwork of yunjin and her inspiring leadership setting a momentum into the games, i knew right away that i had to call dibs on the story.
“uh-huh.” she was just looking at me, hands still wrapped around my arms, locking me in place.
“it was a story worthy to tell and i just happened to tell the story. it all just–” i tried to mash my hands together, demonstrating the words synonymous to merging, fusing, blending.
she pulls me close and rests her hand at the back of my neck. i could feel the snugness of her embrace melting me into a puddle. she hesitates but leans in. it was soft, abrupt and merely testing the waters. she pulled back slightly to look at my reaction. i didn’t know what i looked like, but what i did know at that moment was that my heart bounced uncontrollably like a basketball. i swear, i thought my chest was about to burst open.
when i didn’t react or push her back, she leaned in for another try, this time, with more intent, meaning, and weight on my lips. when our lips parted, she looked away sheepishly that all i could do in response was pull her into a tight hug. we stayed like that for a few more minutes because neither of us knew when to let go… we didn’t want to. we just stood there relishing our newfound warmth while concealed in between the quiet and that precious corner space that held us. i don’t know how to define this feeling yet… but i could get used to this.
nothing further ever happened after that sweet library moment, because the next day, we received news that huh yunjin was granted a full scholarship overseas. thanks to her impressive performance during the last game. yunjin joked that it was mainly because my frontpage piece was so well-written, it moved the university scouts’ ice-cold hearts to tears.
“you’d be an idiot not to go.” i was at the kitchen counter of our home (we simply called it home whether it was her mom or my mom’s house because each of us was always at the other’s), setting the newly baked chocolate chip cookies out of the oven to cool down. it was a saturday morning and yunjin visited, like any other day.
“i’d be alone, though.” she was wistfully eyeing the cookies on the wire rack. “i’m scared i might fail and be a disappointment to my parents.”
her arm slowly reached for the cookies but i immediately swatted her away.
“it’s still hot, dumbass.” i gave her the bowl where the cookie dough was originally mixed. she dutifully scooped the remains and popped a finger in her mouth, she grinned, satisfied.
“you won’t be alone because everybody likes you. and you won’t be a disappointment because you work twice as hard as everyone else. you’re huh yunjin, for god’s sake.”
she doubted, but i knew what she was thinking, because i was trying not to think about it either. if this was about the kiss, we can let it go. we can forget about it. it was just a kiss, this was her future and it shined brightly in front of her. it would make me a selfish person to try and keep her from that.
“there won’t be a kim chaewon there, though.” she said, eyes trained to the cookie dough she held. “my best friend won’t be there.”
“i’ll be right here when you come back. besides, we can always email each other, like we always did in computer class.”
i didn’t tell her this, but it also broke my heart to say those words. i will definitely miss her, sure. she’s been a constant presence in my life and once she leaves, it would definitely leave a big hole in my life.
i wanted to tell her that whatever happened in the library that day will always be etched in my memory as long as i lived, that i wanted it as much as she did, and it hurt to say goodbye to a possibility, to something that had barely even started. if i had told her that, she would’ve turned down the offer right away.
so i didn’t… and so she left.
jinnie and i would email constantly during our very first year apart. she would send me pictures of the new places she visited, food she tasted, with little descriptions every now and then. you knew she was trying to include me in her new life as much as she could. in return, i showed him how i continued my simple, quiet life, how i met new friends at uni, how i ate at new hole-in-the-wall restaurants with the promise that we’d try them out when she returned back home.
of course that didn’t last very long as life apparently came in between us. long training hours for yunjin, and newer opportunities showed up on my doorstep as well. i got a partial scholarship and a part-time job as a student assistant.
it went on like that for a very long time as we kept missing each other’s emails. i would already be asleep when she sent her messages and she’d be out on the field by the time i could reply. sometimes, i didn’t receive anything at all for weeks at a time.
one day, after two weeks of radio silence, i heard a girl in the washroom gush about yunjin’s popularity overseas and how she had gotten a girlfriend. they were pretty serious, she would go on to say. she had long black hair with a pretty slender body, something like her type.
i stood there, hands dripping wet, listening to something i normally wouldn’t believe unless she confirmed it herself. the thing is, i hadn’t heard from her in weeks, so i didn’t have any choice but to believe in the words i heard through the grapevine.
i stopped waiting for her emails to come. if she sent me new ones, i didn’t check. i busied myself in the halls of the library studying, reading, writing, writing and writing my feelings away.
i wrote until my hands got tired, until i spilled everything i needed to forget onto paper. until i welcomed a new love into my life. he was also tall, kind, and cheerful. he respected my time and he loved going to new coffee shops with me. at that point, i was overfilled with joy and contentment that i barely thought about yunjin anymore. in the back of my mind, the chapter of huh yunjin was now closed and my rosy high school life became a beloved, worn out book that i no longer revisited.
later i learned that in life, some things, despite making you undoubtedly happy, could still end horribly.
my relationships turned sour, some of my friendships fell off, but the worst part of it all was when my dad had a heart attack.
he died six months later.
it was pretty much autopilot after that. i could only ever handle so much, i don’t think i was as brave as Joan D’arc to handle any more scars. not when two of the best people i loved had left my life. not when the person i wanted to run to the most… was no longer there for me.
i was a student intern at the archives section when the position for head librarian was vacated. i already applied to multiple companies in the private and public sectors and kept getting waitlisted, but the university hired me on the spot. a week after graduation, i had started my full-time job at the library, and it felt like i was somehow glued back together.
XXX
the bottles of soju clinked together as i swayed the black plastic bag on my way home from the convenience store. nothing beats a cold glass of soju after a full meal. also, because “huh yunjin” is a name i never thought i’d hear again in this lifetime. so much so, that a homecoming sounded so ridiculous that if someone ever suggested that idea to me before today, i would have laughed in their face. it was an appropriate time to wallow in my drunken thoughts.
four years was a long time for anyone to change. it was long enough to switch jobs, get promoted, to save up money and travel, to save up money and get married and have kids, or none at all, to study for a new degree, to meet new people and develop romantic feelings for them, to lose such romantic feelings, to forgive and move on, to develop new habits, and it is also long enough for character development if you think your personality needed an overhaul. four years was a long time apart, a long time to forget each other to even be considered taboo. and yet.
and yet.
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my phone buzzed against my jeans pocket. it was a text from zuha. she now works as a freelance artist and designs her own stationery and stickers. they’re sold at mega discount stores all over the country.
you won’t believe what i just heard . zuha texted. before she could even conjure a follow-up text, i responded right away.
chaewon unnie <3: someone’s coming back to town?...
kang jooha: WUT.
kang jooha: U KNEW? AND DIDN'T TELL ME?! this is betrayal.
chaewon unnie <3: i heard about it a couple of days ago and blacked out after 3 cans of beer. sorry, jooha-chan.
chaewon unnie <3: i didn’t drink only because of the news, though. i ate almost 2 KGs of samgyeopsal, too. it was the perfect drink to end the day.
chaewon unnie <3: i ate ice cream, too.
chaewon unnie <3: i’m rambling. i’ve been restless since i heard about it.
chaewon unnie <3: i ’ll be okay, though. i always have been.
i was about to put my phone down after the multiple texts i sent to reassure her when bubbles appeared. typing. i waited.
kang jooha: it’s alright to admit you’re not okay about this, unnie
kang jooha: she was a big part of your life, who ghosted you, asshole move btw, and her head’s probably gotten too big for her own good. i wonder how she walks around with that swollen head without toppling over.
kang jooha: also, i’m only saying all of this because my role as kim chaewon’s only best friend is currently being threatened. i forgive you though!
i had to laugh. zuha was always fond of yunjin and i even back in high school. whenever she had time, she would join us on our kimchi fried rice runs and would always get katsu curry instead. she hated matcha, while jinnie and i loved it. she always preferred strawberry. she was the perfect balance in our little trio. and now, she is my voice of reason.
i paused to reread the text. am i really okay about this? it’s a fairly small town, the chances of running into her are slim, but never zero. and what if i do meet her by chance, what should i do?
kang jooha: text me when you feel like drinking again. i’ll sneak out and join you in solidarity!
before i could send the cutest peach butt sticker to zuha, a message from an unregistered number popped up in my notifications.
Hi, Chaewon-ssi. This is Huh Yunjin. I got your number from your mom. I’m sorry for being abrupt like this, but I just flew back from the States and will be spending a few days at home. Do you want to meet up for some kimchi fried rice for old time's sake?
Holy shit . i stared at the message in disbelief. am i being punked right now? where is the hidden camera? if the universe is listening, please, let the ground of the earth swallow me whole right now.
i clenched the phone hard, against my chest. you are better now. don’t fumble.
tap tap tap.
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i don’t know what had gotten into my head, because when i responded a few hours later, i had agreed to meet up after work for dinner and drinks. i would like to smack past chaewon. how could she make a decision like this.
but here i am now, just a few stores away from the place i had suggested for dinner.
suddenly feeling conscious, i stopped by a convenience store that had a convex mirror on top of the corner shelves. i swiped lipstick on my lips and powdered my nose. i also bought mints just to play for time. i worked up the courage to text zuha.
chaewon unnie <3: please tell me i’m doing the wrong thing and i will turn back.
kang jooha: … what happened?
chaewon unnie <3: after we talked earlier, yunjin texted me out of the blue and said that she’s already in town.
kang jooha: she WHAT???
kang jooha: are you telling me she asked to meet up and you said yes?
chaewon unnie <3: you should really switch careers and become a fortune teller instead.
kang jooha: you WHAT???
chaewon unnie <3: pls, pls, pls tell me i’m wrong for doing this.
she didn’t respond right away. her text bubbles went up and down infrequently. i stood outside of the restaurant, in the cold of the night, waiting for her response.
kang jooha: how do YOU feel about it?
kang jooha: if i were you, i, who have witnessed all the carnage all these years, i would do it. i know if you turn your back now, you’d spend another four, five years wondering what would’ve happened if you chose differently.
kang jooha: don’t try to rationalize it, unnie. you’re panicking now. but i know in your heart, you want answers. you want this. so suck it up and be a big girl!
she resonated exactly how i felt about this. so why was i hesitating?
i walked up to the restaurant and scanned the room. it was almost empty after dinner hours, except for a few white collar workers catching up on late night meals.
and then, i saw her. she sat at the back of the room, her back facing the front of the shop. i’d recognize those wide shoulders anywhere in a heartbeat. i made a beeline towards her.
she wore a blue polo buttoned up to her chest, creasing at the shoulders as she slouched forward. she looked absolutely different from the memory of the girl who used to carry my bags. her hair grew into thick waves and her cheeks and jawline was chiseled and defined to the bone, revealing more of her beautiful face.
she stood up, smiling widely and threw her hands around me, a whiff of her sandalwood perfume and the feeling of her hair pressed to my cheek brought everything back: spending lazy days in the library, the night strolls on the way home from school, sharing twin popsicle ice creams, the warmth of her hands intertwined with mine, that last first kiss. i pulled away and she gestured for me to sit down. as we both sat down, i thought, you are always finding ways to get my hopes up.
we stared at each other as i settled down in my seat. for a few moments, i felt the room was charged with cold air. her eyes traced my face making me more and more self-conscious, i had to break the ice.
“the kimchi fried rice is good here, you know.” i said, as a waiter approached and served us water. “but if you prefer anything else, everything’s amazing.”
i sipped the cold water nervously and fidgeted the hem of my plaid skirt.
“it’s been a while.” i started.
“i’ve been busy.” she started to explain. i hate how she thinks this was her decision, how she didn’t even consider the fact that i’ve been busy, too. “how about you? i’ve stopped hearing about you since…”
“things happened.” i simplified, but really, i wanted to give her a rundown of how things have more or less worked out okay for me–how i am doing well at my job, currently in the middle of getting my Masters, thinking about traveling to Southeast Asia with zuha, spending time with family on the weekends, trying to do pilates at least thrice a month, and catching up with some old friends whenever we got to clear our schedules. how i am, despite her absence, was not entirely miserable. but i don’t want her to think that i’m just doing this to prove a point, so i coated a response with the standard, “but i’ve been fine, thanks. how are you?”
“same old, i’m here for business and something else. i finally got the courage to tell you this now.” she said, finishing up the last of her meal and downing her glass of water before speaking again.
i honestly don’t want to know, i want to order another glass of soju and fall asleep drunk. i want to crawl into my bed and wallow in self-pity at how i’ve spiraled back to square one, how after all these years, i am still hopelessly in love with this unattainable woman, who thinks we are still each other’s best friends after years of no contact. instead i responded cautiously, “what is it?”
she inched forward and leaned her face on her right hand. “there’s this girl.”
i held my breath and braced myself for impact.
“there’s this girl. we almost never stood on the same foot. she hated sports and hated standing in the sun to see me play, but watched regardless because she had to write an article about it.
“when we finally started realizing we liked each other, i received my scholarship and moved overseas. if she got mad about me going MIA, i could've explained to her that i had an accident during spring training and was in a hospital bed for almost a month. had she checked her emails, she would know. but… she never replied. ever. after a few months, i heard from our friends back home that she finally got a boyfriend and was in a happy, healthy relationship. i thought, ‘oh. good for her! i'm happy for her. someone near to take care of her.’ but was i really, though? i got myself a girlfriend, too and forgot about this girl for a while. but i heard about her dad’s passing and i tried to reach her but i couldn’t. her home phone number was disconnected, my mom said they moved out of the block and she still won’t respond to my emails. i couldn’t be there for her but i thought, “she's probably with her boyfriend. she’ll have someone to lean on. but then our friends said they had broken up long before the incident. she carried all that baggage all by herself. who did she have to lean on? was she eating okay? was she sleeping well? does she still smile when she watches puppies run around bumping into things? it seemed like the timing was never on our side. she was available when i wasn’t, i was free on the days that she was occupied. i’ve always wondered if the universe played some practical joke on the two of us. if somehow, it would ever allow me the chance to meet her again. i’ve been waiting for her for a long time now. unnie, do you think if i asked her now, she’d finally be as ready as i am to meet her?”
i exhaled and felt my heart pounding. there’s drumming in my chest that felt all too familiar. have we been missing our chance all this time? have i been getting on and off the wrong platform? has she? because we didn’t know what we wanted when we were barely eighteen?
“i think you should ask her before it’s too late.” i said, catching myself, still staying on that third person narration. i mulled over the times we constantly missed each other like she had pointed out. she had been there for me when i was searching for myself and what i wanted to do, and i had watched her from afar when she was trying to meet her dreams, to the point of pushing her far away.
“i’m asking you now. i was always late, wasn’t i?” her sweet brown eyes glistened.
they stared into mine, expectant, hopeful. “yes. you were...but you’re here now..." i trailed off, i was shocked to hear her speech. i wondered if responding to my real feelings was the right thing to do. she had her accident, i had my dad's funeral, there was miscommunication between us. the sudden falling out. i wondered, if after all this time, someone like me would still be worth starting over with.
"...and i think… you’re just in time, yun.”
she smiled widely, showing the crinkles on the sides of her eyes, she exhaled as if she had been holding her breath all this time.
"thank god. i was almost certain you'd say no and disappear on me again." she laughed.
freckles that i’ve never seen before popped up over her nose and cheeks. so much has changed in her appearance, but it was the same smile of the girl i’ve loved all these years.
“i’m home,” she whispers.
“welcome back,” i said, finally smiling at her, too.
yunjin stands up and offers her hand as we exit the restaurant; i take it and interlace our fingers. for the first time in a long time, the tap dancing of my calloused heart has returned ever so exhilarating, like a lost pulse bringing me back to life. we are catching up on lost time, and for whatever fragment of memories that may have escaped through the cracks, we’ll slowly string them back together. it doesn’t matter how many possibilities we’ve missed out on in the last four years of being apart. the important thing was this possibility. right here and right now.