Chapter Text
If anyone had to describe Kate, she’d be described as someone bright, funny, loud and very eager to do. And if anyone had to take it a step further and really think about the ins and outs of such a brilliant personality, it would be logical to suppose that the origin of Kate’s tendencies came very early in her childhood.
Maybe her tendency of showing off, this need to help, to be right, to be the hero of her own story, could be tracked down to a specific event. Maybe, if Kate had agreed to let someone analyze the depths of her mind, her lack of self-control and buzzing energy could have been explained with a simple observation, an easy answer.
Because that’s what Kate plainly was to everyone: an easy going person, an Avenger at heart since her first encounter with Hawkeye, a girl with a stubborn single-minded driven brain which made her achieve anything and everything, but most of all, a used-to-be little girl who’d lost her father too early and learnt to become strong and positive, just like her father had taught her.
So if anyone had to guess how Kate would welcome her admittance to the official Avengers Compound to train under the newly reformed group and become the hero of tomorrow, it’d be almost a safe bet to imagine Kate being ecstatic.
/
Except, the truth is never that simple.
Because the truth is that Kate’s needs to just do come from a bleaker observation.
/
At first it feels good for Kate to be able to hang out with the rest of the team. She can geek out with Peter about the cool tools and techs, she can joke around with America’s laid back personality, she can train extensively with Eli and his impeccable physical form, and she even gets to be silly with the younger Cassie when she feels particularly cheeky. And with Sam, Bucky and Clint’s supervision, she has a feeling she’ll get to evolve and achieve wonders in no time, become the protagonist who helps the world.
But somehow, all of it comes to a halt at some point. There is a moment when everything slows down and the restlessness starts to kick in.
Because when the novelty of meeting new friends and the excitement of the first training sessions die down, when the expectation to be thrown into an epic adventure is instead replaced by being handled like a newbie by the staff, when Sam, Bucky, Clint or whoever else are too busy to properly mentor the young Avengers, or when it becomes very apparent that she and the other members of the new team are just as lost as one another about their big dream of becoming the heroes of tomorrow… Kate’s morale withers.
And there lies the issue. Kate’s inability to move forward without a proper motive, a proper distraction. Because Kate’s needs to just do comes from a bleaker observation: her disposition to self-doubt and her tendency to spend an excessive amount of time inside her mind.
Which is why she prefers it when she’s busy – be it to accomplish a new task, learn a new skill, connect with new people. It keeps her from falling back into the denied zone in her brain, the one where she’s not sure what she wants to do, if what she does is good enough.
So when she finally begins to understand that she’s feeling a bit lonely and that her once-imaginary-picture of what it would entail to join the Avengers isn’t as accurate as she first thought, Kate wavers.
/
“Heads up,” Maria Hill comes through the channel, her static voice echoing in everyone’s earpiece. “Someone is coming for you. Don’t move from your current position, help is on the way.”
Kate looks at her teammates from her crouching position, her limbs screaming from the exertion. Cassie is applying pressure on her head to stop the blood from running down her face, Eli is sat on the floor grumbling at his dislocated shoulder, America is trying to finish restraining the weird unconscious creatures from another dimension on the floor, and Peter is standing guard at the door. The mission was kind of a mess, but they succeeded nonetheless.
So it’s with a relief sigh that the team welcomes the helicopter descending upon them to pick them up on the roof of the New York Academy of Sciences. And as it lands on the platform and a couple of SHIELD agents begin to filter out of the helicopter to assess the situation further, Kate gapes at the pilot who also disembarks in turn.
Black suit, tactical-vision googles, widow bites cackling with electricity and guns holstered at the side. Kate gets a feeling of deja-vu, it’s almost like she’s back dangling from a wire wrapped between two buildings and witnessing Clint fighting off two strangers.
Later that day, the team is called into the meeting room by Sam and Bucky.
“Meet the new addition, Yelena Belova. She’s a Black Widow, and while she’s not technically part of the team yet, she’ll be around to lend a hand when necessary.”
Bucky’s introduction is curt, straight to the point as the so-called new addition, Yelena, still dressed in her tactical suit from earlier, stands beside him looking like she’s unimpressed and bored.
There are gasps from the young Avengers and furtive looks among each other when the word ‘Black Widow’ is mentioned, except from Kate whose eyes are attached to the blonde woman in front of them, searching.
She has to wait the end of the meeting for Yelena’s stare to finally land on her. A discreet smirk is offered and somehow, Kate’s heart skips a beat.
/
“You missed the last one.”
At the sound of the voice, Yelena turns around from her position in the far left corner of the shooting center, gun still in hand. She doesn’t look surprised to see Kate, and the latter thinks it’s to be expected from the Black Widow who’s probably always aware of her surrounding.
“Look who’s finally decided to make herself known,” Yelena declares with an open smirk, putting the gun back on the counter in front of her and making a show of crossing her arms over her chest. “I was starting to wonder when you’d stop staring at my back.”
Kate can’t help but notice Yelena’s teasing tone. She thinks of their first meeting in a burnt apartment and their impromptu brawl at the Rockfeller Center. She decides to lean on the familiarity of the exchange and opts for nonchalance.
“Well I’m used to having this place all for myself at this hour of the day. You’re the one who’s the unusual addition here.”
Yelena’s eyes briefly twinkle, but she offers no follow-up to the discussion, seemingly content to just stare knowingly at Kate, smirk still in place.
Kate shuffles nervously. “Sooo,” she begins, but ends up closing her mouth, not really knowing how to keep the conversation going or if the conversation should be continued at all. But after the initial hesitation, Kate suddenly realizes something and words tumble out of her mouth before her mind can catch up with what she wants to say. “Hold on, what happened to the fake hero’s speeches? What are you doing here? Why did you join the Avengers?”
There is a brief moment when Kate almost wants to facepalm at her direct questions. She recalls vividly the shift such topics would arise – down turned lips, low and threatening voice over a pot of macaroni and cheese – so she mentally braces herself for the inevitable turn of conversation.
Except, Yelena just uncrosses her arms and shrugs. “I’m not here to join your little Avengers club, Kate Bishop.”
Kate frowns and is about to ask why the Black Widow is here then, but Yelena beats her to it.
“Your bosses and I came into an agreement,” Yelena explains. “It seems like they deemed my abilities as a ‘bad bloodthirsty vigilante’ useful for some reason.” Her eyes crinkle with amusement and Kate, for the nth time, is definitely thrown back into memory land – an unlikely non-violent moment shared between the two of them during one of the most erratic time of her life.
But now that she’s become the new Hawkeye, Kate takes it in stride and let escape a small sarcastic laugh. “Ha-ha. Let’s just forget I ever used these words, please.”
“Yeah well, I might have to make just the effort if we’re meant to become colleagues, Kate Bishop.”
And really, it is weird but Kate is now beaming at Yelena. There’s a familiar buzzing energy building inside her at the proximity of the Black Widow – the same buzzing energy she felt when they fought and bickered at the Rockfeller Center. It’s refreshing, reinvigorating.
“You’re staying then?” Kate asks, not even ashamed of her hopeful tone.
There is a small pause during which Yelena looks at Kate pensively. And then.
“We’ll see about that, Kate Bishop.”
/
There is something very odd, a duality, about Yelena and her behavior towards Kate only, that the archer becomes addicted to find out more about. (And also makes the other people around them wonder.)
On one hand, it’s blatant that Yelena is a woman who’s independent and experienced, someone who’s mostly solitary and doesn’t entertain the same social construct as others.
It shows when, during the first days of her appearance at the compound, Yelena doesn’t seek out any companionship, even going as far as ignoring most of the people – the only exceptions being when she needs something from the staff.
And it shows when she gets instantly assigned to multiple mysterious tasks and assignments without any preparation. She’s efficient and she’s frequently asked to help, leaving the team of young Avengers in the dust as to who’s really regarded during briefs and debriefs of missions.
Needless to say that the young Avengers’ hope to have someone competent to learn from and share experience with is crushed in the face of Yelena’s peculiar place in the grand scheme of the new Avengers initiative – albeit her general avoidance of them also cements her unique position and disposition.
It then becomes common to make oneself scarce when the Black Widow is in the vicinity. That fact in itself could be a simple detail if not a direct consequence of Yelena’s aversion to fraternization, and it makes the assassin seem unattainable – especially because the young Avengers exudes such youth compared to her too.
On the other hand, Kate can’t bring herself to view Yelena in such a frigid light.
Sure, the Black Widow can be cold, ruthless.
It shows mainly when Yelena renders Kate motionless, gasping for air, on the floor with a clinical shoulder’s slam on the chest during a training session, she’s unapologetic. She doesn’t offer her hand to help get the archer back up, and when the latter eventually does get up and the session continues, she doesn’t give Kate a single chance to get the upper hand, only offering additional bruises to take care of and critical assessments of Kate’s mistakes.
(During those moments, Kate can truly and evidently envision that Yelena is on another level. Of course, there is a fleeting sting to her ego to realize how indulgent Yelena was during their first encounter, but if Yelena’s abilities are anything like Natasha’s… it shouldn’t be a surprise after all.)
But there’s something else lurking below the unexpected ‘something’ Yelena seem to share with Kate – the latter not knowing exactly if it’s due to their initial meeting happening during the most chaotic Christmas of her life, prior to the Avengers, or possibly because of their complementary personalities.
Yelena allows Kate to make her space in her busy agenda. (The archer stubbornly begging for her attention.)
They end up sharing some routines together – be it during the training sessions or during their meals in the last lost hours of a day. And more often than not, it’s paradoxically erratic.
Despite Yelena’s recurring absences (when she leaves on a mission or has some other business to attend), despite Kate’s packed schedule (now that she has to take care of her mother’s company and train to prove herself as an Avenger), they find time to bicker and hang out.
It feels almost as natural as the first time they met. Casual discussions in front of an elevator, casual invitation for a drink (that they finally get to have), casual appraisal of each other’s form. It feels familiar and easy.
Somehow, they get along (very well, in Kate’s opinion). And amid all the novelty that Yelena brings at the compound, there’s another exhilarating realization.
Kate now has someone at the compound who can outmatch her and who seems not to mind spending time with her.
Kate has found a new goal, a new motivation.
/
“What did the punching bag do to you?”
“Oh piss off, Yelena.”
Kate doesn’t bother turning around. Her fists are angrily hitting the punching bag in front of her as she tries to vent her frustrations by destroying something, anything. And as she naively thinks about Yelena leaving her alone for a change, the looming presence she can feel behind her just serves to fuel her inner rage further. She tries to ignore it, focused on not letting it get to her too much, but as the seconds tick by and Yelena doesn’t seem intent on leaving, Kate spins around furiously.
“I just don’t get it, okay?” She cries. “Why didn’t Clint say something? Why didn’t you say something?”
Yelena is leaning against the wall by the door, seemingly unbothered by Kate’s state. She raises her eyebrows, face unreadable. “What did you want me to say?”
It irks Kate. It irks her the way Yelena is being willingly obtuse. Because she knows Yelena understands why she’s furious at the moment.
So the archer leaves the mat, leaves the punching bag, and closes the gap between them, joining Yelena by the door – who in turn straightens up in defiance.
“Oh, I don’t know,” Kate growls. “Maybe you could have defended us. Maybe you could have defended me!” Then she scoffs, eyes wide with bitterness. “But of course no, that’s not how you operate. You just don’t give a shit, do you?”
Yelena’s eyes sharpen at her last words. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
However it makes Kate cackle like a mad woman. Somewhere in her guts, Yelena’s warning pulls at her with reckless abandon, encouraging her to push and push and see where it goes.
“What?” Kate says in an overly innocent tone. “Don’t enjoy being told something you don’t like? Don’t agree with me?” She fakes a pout. “Sucks huh?” Yelena’s posture becomes all hard edges in a second, and Kate feels drunk on her ability to draw out these reactions from the Black Widow.
A second warning is issued through gritted teeth. “Stop that.”
“Stop what?” Kate questions sarcastically. “Stop acting like I don’t know better? Like I’m a rookie?”
“That’s no-”
Kate doesn’t let her finish her sentence. “You and Clint certainly seem to think I am!” Then, as an afterthought, she narrow s her eyes at Yelena. “Why are you here, Yelena? Are you here to gloat, t o show me that you were right after all? That I’m just a stupid, naive, useless little wannabe hero in her little Avengers club?” Kate snarls, shoving Yelena with her shoulder as she goes for the door. “Well, FUCK YOU.”
She doesn’t even have time to grab the door’s handle as Yelena’s hands are suddenly pushing her back into the room, away from the exit. Then another stronger push on her shoulders and Kate ends up face to face with a very pissed Black Widow glaring at her.
“Are you done?”
There is a slight pause during which Kate can hear an actual ringing in her ears, it feels like a shot of adrenaline is coursing through her veins, and she almost sees herself subsequently lashing out. But then, she blinks and through her hazy fury, she sees Yelena.
Yelena who is silently glaring at her. Yelena who, despite being yelled at, has yet to raise her voice herself. Yelena who, despite Kate’s obvious fool mood, has still sought her out today.
“Did Clint send you?” Kate manages to say amid the heavy silence.
“No. But I suppose he was hoping I would find you anyway.”
And just like that, Kate’s anger deflates like a balloon. All of a sudden, she feels drained.
“Yelena, why didn’t you say anything?”
Even if the question feels loaded, Yelena doesn’t hesitate to deliver her answer. “Because Sam and Clint were right. You’re not ready.” Then she sighs. “Look, it’s nothing personal. It’s just the reality of the situation.”
Kate wants to scoff again at this half-assed answer, and more profoundly at Yelena’s stubborn disposition to ignore consideration and tactful approach. She clenches her jaw, ready to depart once again.
“Kate.”
The softness of the tone makes Kate’s eyes snap back up, and her momentary spike of anger once again disappear. There, Yelena looks uncharacteristically open. Her eyes are kind and understanding.
“It’s not a race,” the Black Widow offers. “You’ll get there eventually.”
Kate wants to rebuke but Yelena silences her by placing her hand on her shoulder – this time it’s gentler, a long shot from the previous grip when Kate was about to leave the room.
“You might think that we were being ungrateful to you, to your efforts, to your dedication. But that’s not it,” Yelena adds. “Clint, Sam… They know what you are Kate.” This time her grip is firmer, as if to assert her sentence, engrave her point further into Kate. “And what you are is a very strong, passionate and generous person. Someone who will surely make the world a better place. They acknowledge it, don’t doubt it. You just need a bit more time.”
It doesn’t escape Kate that Yelena willingly left herself out of the equation. She talked of Clint and Sam, but Kate doesn’t care about that at the moment.
“What about you, Yelena? Is that why you didn’t say anything?”
Yelena drops her hand from Kate’s shoulder, and the archer can feel the shift as the Black Widow’s expression takes on a more wistful look. “I want to be a good friend to you, Kate Bishop.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
Yelena briefly tenses. “Helping the people, saving the day… it’s not always nice.”
“Don’t patronize me, Yelena. Please. I know that, I-”
“Even if you did,” Yelena interrupts. “Would it be so far off to think that I- that we would want for you to be fully prepared when the inevitable happens?” Then there’s a slight hesitation. “As a friend, I want what you want, and I understand your anger today. But Clint and Sam are right.” Yelena makes a vague movement with her arms (almost like an uncontrollable spasm, like an unwanted impulse to ground herself), and it’s such a bizarre display compared to her usual collected self. “It’s for your own good. You need to be ready first.”
Kate gapes at that. She feels conflicted with Yelena’s somewhat-confession.
It’s thrilling to have an acknowledgment of their bond, but there’s also the simmering bitterness related to the past months of careful handling from the staff – the recent betrayal between the austere walls of the briefing room. It makes it more difficult to process the elation of the small peak inside Yelena’s consideration for her when there’s doubt and resentment.
“So that’s what happened? You assumed it’s what I needed? Your wisdom, your protection?” The archer wonders out loud. “All of you just decided to ignore what I’d want for myself? You just decided to ignore how I’d feel about that?”
A pause ensues. Kate feels like she’s on the verge of a precipice. She doesn’t know if she can accept it, she wants to pull at her hair, from the hows and the whys.
But then. Another sigh, muffled by the movement of a shrug.
“I’m here, aren’t I?” Yelena finally says, effectively halting Kate’s thought process.
And it’s true. Despite it all, Yelena has sought her out today. Not Clint, not Sam, not anyone else. Just Yelena.
Regardless of all the hurt Kate’s felt during the meeting, regardless of all the hurt she’s felt at Clint, Sam and Yelena’s dismissal of her current utility for the more wide-ranged and high-stakes missions, and regardless of the reality of the heavy expectations hanging above her head, Kate ends up offering a small smile. (Her own sort of acknowledgment of Yelena’s implied admittance. Her own sort of relief.)
“Yeah. I suppose you are.”