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Sharing a bed was nice.
Jim realized this as they lay in bed next to Olu, watching him sleep, that they hadn’t done it since they were a child. The last time they had laid beside someone else was in the small bedroom they shared with their siblings. The siblings that were long gone from the earth. Oluwande, thank goodness, was a very heavy sleeper when he wanted to be, because he didn’t shift an inch when Jim rolled onto their side, determined to watch him sleep.
He was a really beautiful man, both inside and out. His compassion was out of place in the world of pirates, but he kept it.
Of course had his cunning too, a pirate’s cunning. He possessed the ability to get out of a situation or to use that situation to his benefit. This was what made him a good pirate, not the cruelty that so many men on the sea leaned into. From the moment he had found out Jim’s truth, he had protected them – their identity, their history, everything that they wanted to keep safe.
They smiled as he bit his lip in his sleep. It was such a cute little gesture. It was hard to see in the dark cabin, but they recognized it from the tiniest glow of the moon.
“You are an incredible man,” they murmured thoughtfully. He really was. If someone had told them as a child that they were going to fall in love, they would have laughed. And probably bit whoever said it. “A really, really incredible man.”
For awhile, they just sat and watched him sleep. He didn’t exactly snore, but a soft sound escaped him when he slept. It reminded them of how far they had come, how many things they had endured to get here. They couldn’t help themselves. Out of nowhere, tears started to come. Tears that they did not want to cope with. Usually, if they cried, they could hold it in. They could keep it buried deep until they were in a safe space. They could cry quietly.
These tears didn’t want to be quiet.
Olu woke up slowly, blinking several times and then looking up, concerned. The room was dark, but Jim knew he could hear the stifled sobs. He immediately sat up and Jim wanted nothing more than to flee. That’s what they would have done in the past. Get out of there as fast as they could.
They didn’t, though. Olu’s big warm arm curled around their shoulders and drew them as close as could be.
“Jim?” he asked, a tense tone in his voice that made their heart flutter. “Jim, hey, what’s going on? Are you hurt?”
Jim found that they couldn’t fully answer. There was something in their throat, blocking the path. They shook their head from side to side, closed their eyes and nuzzled their face right against his chest. This was ridiculous. They had never cried like this and the fact that they couldn’t say why was even worse.
Oluwande, bless him, didn’t panic. He kept his right arm around their shoulders and used his left to stroke their side.
“Jim, I’m right here,” he assured. “I’m right here when you can talk.”
Soon, they found that they could talk again. The words started to come out and they felt like an idiot for even saying them.
“I’m sorry I cried,” they murmured aloud, after a moment of gathering themselves. “I was just… I was watching you sleeping and I realized that this is the first time I shared a bed since I was a child. And you’re such an amazing man and…”
That was all they could get out before the words stuck in their throat again. Jim groaned, pressing themself into Olu’s warm side. God, he was so warm and comfortable. How did a man manage that?”
“I’m that great, huh?” he asked, trying to lighten the mood. It was kind of a lame attempt, but Jim couldn’t keep from smiling. “You know, to be honest, you’re the first person I ever shared a bed with myself.”
Jim paused at that. They hadn’t considered that the experience might be a mutual one. They raised an eyebrow, curiously. Did he mean it? For real? “You weren’t…new to… what we did though, right?” they asked. Usually sex talk wasn’t uncomfortable for them, but right now, with all of these emotions laid bare, it kind of was. It was different talking about sex when you were feeling too many things.
Oluwande’s laugh was the warmest thing.
“No, you weren’t my first, Jim,” he laughed. “Don’t worry about that, at least. But, the two people I was…with like that before you… It was very secret. They were – you know, lighter than me. It would have been a scandal. So there was no bed sharing involved. Just quick stuff. Over and done with and now you leave.”
“Oh.”
There was something so sad about that, so tragic that Olu had gone this far without knowing someone in his bed. He deserved much more than that. Hell, he deserved the actual world.
“I like sharing a bed with you,” they added after a moment. “It feels really safe and comfortable. I didn’t think I could have safe and comfortable.”
There was a quiet moment where neither of them spoke. It seemed to drag on for a really long time. A desperate sound escaped Jim that they hated, but they muffled it on Olu’s arm.
“You make me safe and comfortable too,” he said, breaking that weird spell of silence. “It’s so comfortable when we’re together. We really do fit together, side by side. I never thought I could have that with someone.”
“You big sap.”
“I am,” he said, and there was not a hint of hesitance about that. “I’m the biggest sap you ever met, Jim.”
“At least you own it.”
They knew that they could definitely get used to sharing a bed with Olu. It was something they would want to do for the rest of their life if they could.