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“ Are you sure you want them too?”
This was the second time Lottie heard her voice while she was on the brink of death. It seemed Laura Lee was making a habit of grabbing her by the shoulders and pushing her back to life instead of welcoming her into heaven like all the good angels do.
“They’re hungry” she wheezed
She heard Laura Lee’s footsteps approaching her until finally, she sat down in front of Lottie. She looked different than she did at the mall, she was wearing a pink cardigan and her face was stained with ash.
Laura Lee grabbed the washcloth and dipped it in the water bowl “That’s not what I asked”
They remained quiet for a moment, then Laura Lee started to gently clean the smeared blood around her upper lip and Lottie winced at the contact.
“Sorry,” she said softly, then continued, albeit somehow even more gently than before.
Lottie wondered if this reminded her of the seance. She could still picture Laura Lee’s shocked face after she threw her bible at her and heard the quiet sobs she tried to swallow while cleaning Lottie’s blood from the attic floor later that night. The night she first started to feel It.
In that moment it occurred to her that Laura Lee might resent her. She made Lottie see that God had given her a gift and Lottie had used it to worship It instead of Him, she thinks that’s why It killed her, Laura Lee would’ve never worshipped anyone else.
“Do you” she paused to take a breath “judge me?”
Laura Lee looked at her, her expression was unreadable “We all need something to believe in” She moved the cloth to Lottie’s temple and began working there “And I don’t blame Shauna for eating Jackie, I would’ve done the same thing to you if I was in her place”
Lottie didn’t say anything, doubting if “ I would’ve, if there had been any parts of you left” was an appropriate thing to say.
Laura Lee grabbed the pomade and clenched her jaw “I don’t like what she did to you tough”
“Needed to let it out” Lottie whispered, trying to stay still as Laura Lee applied the pomade to a bruise in her temple.
“Not on you, you already do so much”
“All I’ve done for them” she swallowed “You did it for me first”
Laura Lee stopped applying the pomade in Lottie’s temple and looked her in the eye “I know it sounds bad, and I didn’t realize it at the time, but I think I only did it because it was you”
She didn’t say anything after, just screwed the pomade tap on and set it down.
“During Easter, in sophomore year,” she said finally “I invited the Yellowjackets to come to Mass, and you were the only one who came. That’s when I started to notice you”
Lottie remembers, her parents had been on a trip to London, and the smile Laura Lee gave her when she invited her was too bright for her to pretend she had anything better to do.
It was nothing compared to the smile she gave her when she saw her arrive at the church tough, it warmed Lottie’s heart.
“I noticed you too” she answered. Even before Easter, she noticed Laura Lee’s optimism, she noticed her kindness, her gentle but firm voice, and how faithful she was. And now she noticed how Laura Lee was smiling the way she did sophomore year.
“Oh Lottie” she pushed back a strand of Lottie’s hair behind her ear “I will not lie. I’m angry that It won’t let me leave and go with God, but I’m also relieved because then I won’t leave you”
With great effort, Lottie put her hand on top of Laura Lee’s, and with great bravery she said:
“I want to kiss you”
Laura Lee leaned in and kissed the top of her head “Another time, when your wounds are healed, then I know I won’t hurt you”.She stroked Lottie’s hand with her thumb. “Lottie,” she said “promise me you’ll survive”
Lottie sighed, she was so tired, she just wanted to give up, but no one would let her. She offered her body to her friends, both as a sacrifice and as an opportunity to rest, and even if she was too busy to hear them downstairs, soon she would know how much they valued her words and visions over her body. She regretted the fact that Laura Lee noticed her, because maybe then no one else would, except she also didn’t regret it at all. She wanted to ask Laura Lee to take her with her, but she knew Laura Lee wouldn’t do it even if Lottie begged on her knees.
“I promise,” she said, and Laura Lee smiled.
She kissed the top of her head once again “I’ll come see you soon”
Lottie frowned “Wait! Don’t leave me!” she said, but by the time she finished the sentence she was the only person in the attic.