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Nothing was there, not even a spark of light. I looked to my left, then looked to my right. I tried to comprehend why everything around me faded into this never ending darkness but couldn't find a single perceptible clue of what was going on around me. Every single toy left by children on the playground from colorful and glittery became dim and grey in a split second after something i could never remember had taken my vision from me.
And then there was a spark of light. So bright that I had to turn away and hide my face with my hands. So bright, it gave me the feeling I associated with pain. And even though I never knew what it was I recognized its name almost immediately.
The feeling was so memorable and terrifying at the same time but mostly I felt relieved. After all these years in a box of my own creation, where I sat down and watched the outside world shine in color schemes I never understood through a tiny hole I poked in it for a little bit of light to come in, those walls around me finally shattered. And, as much I wanted it to happen, it scared me to death still because I never knew what would come next.
So when I saw the sweetest smile and that gaze of bright bluish grey eyes looking at me, the first thing I thought about was to hide the farthest I could in the pile of dirty clothes in the corner of my box. And you still reached with your hand.
I was the only one until I became two. After some time inside, two became three and then many and still there was a "me" somewhere, I just wasn't able to find him. Or her. Or maybe even them, I forgot what they looked like after all. I still get these strangely muffled sounds in my mind of a voice that feels distant but related. It tells me all sorts of things usually, some better, some worse, and I believe no less than the first time it spoke. It never sounded irrational, feeling or thoughtful. Always thinking, all the time. As if I couldn't think for myself.
That time was the only time when the voice slept through all of it. Maybe I was too scared to wake it up, or maybe you were too beautiful to look at.
Could you be any better to me, any prettier any more selfless and caring? I would never know, although I could ask the stars about it. The first time I looked up and actually searched for the far galaxy you were telling me about, they probably saw my dim gaze and thought "Wow, and that one you chose?"
Or maybe they just felt as warm and fuzzy as your voice made me feel when you asked me to tell you something too. How are you doing, where are you going, what is coming to mind when I'm not around. I could ask so many questions and the stars will answer for you. I don't need to call you anymore, don't need to catch your attention by leaving light kisses on your shoulder because you can feel it in the air. So I kiss you anyway.
Love is something ethereal but I can feel it.
There's this forest lake in the thicket of my mind and something is sparkling from the very bottom of it. This time I can almost see through the water. Not long ago it was full of mud. Many trees, big and tall, gathered around, covering the said lake so well that the sunlight couldn't even get a chance to peak between the branches. The only instance when the waters got all shimmery and flickery was nighttime. All trees lowered their limbs and they began swinging with the wind's blow while the surface of the lake lost its dullness in soft luminescence of the goddess of the night. And the moon was shining brighter than the sun when you were here.
Until the very first time I breathed in your smell, lighter than any perfume and sweet just enough for my liking, I never knew you would be so different from anyone I knew before. The ways in which you spoke to me, the shimmer in your eyes when you looked at me, the sparkles flying in the air when you touched my cheek with your fingertips and the tiniest bells of your laugh ringing almost unrecognizable in my ears when I said the only thing that came to mind seeing your face so close to my own.
"Hi." you heard, and your eyes turned into crescents as you were laughing into my face while your whole body tightened and mine started to relax.
"Hi baby." you said and leaned forward.
You weren't staring at the screen in disbelief when it all happened. You couldn't stand it, when I told you I have to leave. I couldn't tell you I never wanted this to happen. I never wanted you feel this way, never wanted to treat you so wrong. Never wanted to feel your pain stronger that it could sting if it was from my chest.
And still it wasn't mine.
Still I forgot how to feel, or so I thought. The very first glance of your eyes brought me back like it was nothing. And you were my everything.
"So are you gonna tell me what's going on, I can't read your mind, you know" you spoke softly, with your fingers stroking my hair, and I got my head up from your chest just to say that it...
Died down. All of my worries and anxious thoughts, my disbelief in how tangible was happiness that came to my doorstep when I was sitting down in the corner of my cardboard house, shaking in fear of intruders.
You held my hand when neither of us knew what will come. Our hearts became one, half broken, half dead but beating like never was truly alive before.
Although it never ends. We just learn to live with whatever we have. And only if there was only me alone who wanted your love to myself. It would be way better if I knew what else was looking at you through my eyes from the bottom of the forest lake sitting there and waiting for a moment to blow everything up and eat you alive.