Chapter Text
i can't bring myself to look into that mirror right now.
what i see will be wrong, something that is not me. something that doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to who i was.
i wish that i could make any alterations to what i see, to make this liar of a husk into something that i could recognize any part of myself in.
all i can make out are my own eyes, plastic and fake as i ever was.
i wish, at the very least, that i could take a pair of scissors, so that i could style my hair how i used to like it. a comb can hardly even run through these matted plastic wires.
but i could never bring myself to try it. a single mistake would be permanent, a choice i could never take back, a consequence i could never recover from.
no part of me is capable of growing back in this body.
i know i am dead, but at least a corpse would be organic. at least i wouldn't feel so numb.
what can i even do in a vessel like this?
i can never escape what plagues me, i can never find even a moment of decent satisfaction.
i cannot scratch my itches or feed my hunger.
i can't even recognize myself in the mirror.
my eyes would stare back, but not in the same way that they used to.
maybe i could manage the expressions i always used to put on, a carefully practiced face.
but theres not even any yellow to my grin with this perfectly designed smile.
barely any imperfection present on this mass-produced mold.
which was created to look inoffensive, safe, nice.
i am anything but.
this is not me.
i would give anything to return to what i once had.
i miss the way my hair used to tangle, and the way i'd resigned myself to excuse those unkempt knots.
i miss those flaws. but only my stare can haunt me now.