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Lying in Sirius' bed, Remus sometimes couldn’t believe in his new life. Just a few months ago, he was a nobody with zero expectations of finding someone... And now, he was in a relationship. How could things change so quickly?
More than just dating, Remus was connecting with someone he resonated with. Not because they had identical tastes, but because they embraced each other's differences. They learned anything from fun facts to special skills. It was the ability to listen, not just talk, that guided them in the same direction.
Isn't that what it means to like someone? To want to understand, to want to be close... To want, want, want.
Remus looked at Sirius with so much wanting that it sometimes startled him. The need to be close only didn't outweigh the fear of being too-much-to-handle. It was his first relationship. He quickly learned that dreaming about something and experiencing it were quite different things.
Sixteen seemed too young to be contemplating eternity. But they say when you know, you know, and Remus...
“Anyone ever told you you think too much?” Sirius' soft voice sounded by his ear. Remus smiled.
“Yes. You. Constantly.”
Sirius' face hovered above Remus, who had been staring at the ceiling. The lamp’s dim light casting shadows on the wall. “Because you're constantly doing it. Where does your mind go?”
“Closer than you think.”
“Take me with you.”
“I do.” Gray eyes watched him, lips gravitating towards his. Euphoric, yet peaceful — Remus’ heart on the verge of bursting with excitement, but grateful for it. “I was thinking about this,” Remus said. “Now. Before. After.”
“After?”
“The future.”
Sirius sat up. “What about the future?”
Remus mirrored his position. “What do you think of it? What are... your thoughts on the future?”
“I don't know. I try to live in the present.”
Remus lowered his head, embarrassed. He was probably being too intense…
“But if I had to think about the future,” Sirius continued, touching Remus' hand. He intertwined their fingers. “Whatever I'm doing there... I'm doing it with you.”
Their eyes met again.
“It's about us,” Remus confessed. “Whenever I’m spacing out, I'm thinking about us. I... I really like you, you know. And I hate the idea of my neediness pushing you away.”
“Your neediness?”
“Yes. This… need to have your attention all the time…”
“Re, no!” Sirius sighed as if he were about to do something painful or very difficult. “I... Look, I. I fall asleep thinking of you and wake up with memories of you starring in my dreams. I secretly dedicate all my favorite songs to you and imagine you as the hero in all the novels you recommend to me. If you're not the center of attention in my mind, you're stealing the scene in the background. It's become a problem, actually.”
Remus' heart skipped a beat. “Why?”
“Because it makes me wanna say this kind of lame stuff to you. All the time. It's humiliating, really; I have a reputation to keep.”
His humor lightened the mood. Remus relaxed a bit.
“Seriously,” Sirius continued. “You're afraid of sending me running for the hills, aren’t you? Well, me too.”
“Not possible. I don't run. Sports aren't really my thing. I thought you knew me better.”
“Why do you think we've been taking all these ‘romantic walks’? Fuck the sunset. I'm trying to make your heart pump blood more easily.”
Remus pushed Sirius onto his back on the mattress and sat on top of him. “Athletic enough for you?”
“Getting there.” Sirius ran his hands over Remus' legs and held his waist. He began to massage it gently. “I want you to feel comfortable to share anything. I don't want fragments of your feelings. I want everything.”
Remus felt his lower lip tremble, a relief so great he could cry. But he just kissed him, showing his reciprocity in that way.