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"I Loved You More Than I Loved Myself." BTSV THEORY FIC

Summary:

Personal theory on how Miles and Gwen would apologize/rekindle in Beyond The Spiderverse.


 

"I never realized how much a friend hurts when you make a mistake. Your constant hiding of who you truly are from one friend to another bites back at you like the destiny of someone. Maybe it's the true conflict of being Spider-Man. You may have the mask, but to split it between your life and the lives of others is a bite that no one can heal from."


THIS POV IS CENTERED AROUND GWEN!! 

Notes:

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(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Desperate Searches

Chapter Text

"I never realized how much a friend hurts when you make a mistake. Your constant hiding of who you truly are from one friend to another bites back at you like the destiny of someone. Maybe it's the true conflict of being Spider-Man. You may have the mask, but to split it between your life and the lives of others is a bite that no one can heal from."



Miguel. That is all I can think of. The thought of a man, one with so much power with an unfolded destiny. He controls a multiverse filled with thousands of unfortunate people, conflicted with a unprovoked destiny that they now must keep hidden. But Miles does not. He may hide from the truth of his family, but someone knows. He is not afraid to break the barrier for those he loves. He's the pure counterpart of Miguel, one who shelters himself from anyone, one who is controlling and leads broken humans into a life of order. Miles, he frees them. He proves of the capability of their own selves, their own futures.


Maybe that's why I admire him so much. He's brave, he's clever, and he's independent on who he is. Something I can't do. Atleast...something I've tried to do and failed horribly. 


"Gwendy?" A voice interrupted. Hobie was leaning on a nearby wall, his expression quite fazed. Gwen broke out of her track of thought, as if she was going to say more but had forgotten about it.

Hobie stepped forward. "You started rantin', again." He said with a hint of concern. Gwen glanced up at him before glancing back at her shaking hands. "Right, sorry." She stuttered. Hobie stood still for a moment,  before crouching infront of her, placing his hand on her shoulder. 

"Listen mate, Miles, he's a good guy, surely a good friend." He prompted. "If you talk to him, you'd be fine." 

"It's not that easy, Hobie." Gwen retorted. "I hurt him. It's not something he'll easily forgive or forget." 

Hobie let out an annoyed sigh. "You jus' gotta talk with him, Gwendy, stop putting i' on yo'self."

Gwen shook her head in disagreement. Her leg shaking as she put her head on her palms. She stared off at her feet, lost in thought. "Miles...oh miles..." she murmured. Hobie looked at her eyes, the slit pupils of pure anxiety being the only thing he could see. He got up and ruffled her hair a bit. 

"If you truly care abou' him, then save him. Sitting here won't do nun'."  He repeated."Come on."

The blonde breathed in and out for a moment. Looking at Hobie as he stood up, his hand reaching over. There was a moment of hesitation before she accepted his gesture, getting up from the ground. This universe was surely weird, and she still didn't know where Miles could be. 

She fidgeted with the dimensional watch a bit that Hobie had made, but nothing was fully working. Gwen grumbled in frustration. "Urgh, Come on, work already!" 

"Here, le'mme have it." Hobie gestured. She gave him the watch as he pressed a few images and buttons. "Guess a number." He asked her.

"Uh, 42?" 

"That's our lucky number."

Instantly, a bright circle of colors and images flashed infront of them. There were an array of pixel images, newspaper textures, as well as random streaks of many different colors all shooting at once in a hexagon like pattern of a web. Gwen stared at it, briefly mesmerized by its beauty. Not her first time seeing it, but it was still rather fascinating. 

"Wait...what about-?" Gwen paused. "The others?"

"Peter will know, trust me." Hobie reassured her. "And if not, Peni will find some way to lead them back at Miles' dimension." 

With a slight, uneasy shrug, Gwen followed by entering the portal after him. It closed behind them with a flash of purple and green. 


As they were rapidly flying through the dimensional wards, connected to this universe, Gwen's stomach churned of pure fear. She still did not know what she'd say to Miles, how to apologize, how to even express her gratitude for him. The thoughts were surely flooding back with each second.


They arrived quickly at this new dimension, but the pure shock of its condition brung a shiver down Gwen's spine. This world was messed up.

Patches of fire spreader around the darkening city, sirens everywhere and the sky was filled with a dark, deep purple. There were broken buildings scattered around, as if this New York was left to rot by the hands of villans. 

"Holy...shit." Hobie murmured. For once he seemed surprised by this mess. "Even Pavitir's dimension was better than this."

"Do you really think Miles would've ended up here?" She asked him. Hobie glanced at her for a moment, before glancing back at the view. "Definitely not, not in the slightest, but it ain't impossible." 

She let out a low gulp. "Let's do this." 

Gwen put on her mask quickly, Hobie following as his wicks quickly slipped in. The fire exit they were standing on was damaged enough, but there was more than just property damage. It was as if there was no spiderman, or even no person, that was willingly helping the city. 

A sudden loud thud rumbled the building. Both the two had their spider senses rapidly thud, and Hobie thwipped his web out in response. "Move!" 

Gwen nodded and followed, swinging down below incase the building was to crumble. She landed gracefully on a smaller building, it's height atleast midway of a light pole. The city was a dark purple, bright yellow and white lights that were casted across it to brighten up its damaged and roughly horribly tended area. 

"Bloody hell...it's even worse down 'ere." Hobie remarked. Gwen squinted her eyes as she looked around. "Yeah." 

She was more solely focused on trying to find what caused the thud. Nothing that big could do such impact to make a whole building shake. "Look around, i don't want to miss any opportunities if Miles is here."

"Noted." 

Gwen nodded briefly before thwipping to the building next to them. Hobie went to the other side, supposedly searching around the edge of this part of Brooklyn.

She crawled up the building's side, the rusted and scratched glass poking slightly at her suit. Carefully, she hovered over its edge with her hand.

There was an eerie silence up here. The only noise was a far distance of explosions and possible fights. She knew she can't fix this city so easily like this, atleast not alone. Theres not enough time.

As if she was left in her thoughts, she drew back to what she would do if she were to find Miles. "If he's trapped in this city," she began. "I'm not sure how he'd be strong enough to fight Spot. Oh, Miles." 

Gwen struggled to control her emotions. Filled with regret, sorrow, and the worry that he may be dead, trapped, or lost. Alone in a universe where he glitches until his death. She knew how that would feel, the pure shocking and breathtaking pain when your atoms start malfunctioning in this unknown universe, especially alone. Miles saved her, Peter, Peni, Noir, and Spider-Ham when he wasn't even fully ready, maybe even mentally. He helped them when they couldn't help themselves. Yet she just took advantage unknowingly, keeping the jarring secret that he can't be spiderman. 

She let out a shaking sigh. "No." She argued to herself. "He is spiderman, he's my spiderman." 

"Woah... MY spiderman?" She thought. "That's new..."

Whatever she thought had blew across her mind. She's determined, not only to apologize, but to help him save his dad. She saved his, unknowingly. 

Then something caught her attention. Gwen squinted her eyes at a familiar but unusual blur of purple and black. It seemed to be chasing something as it ran down a far building. 

It paused. Then it hit again. It's chasing something on that building.

Surely it had to be from this universe? Gwen wasn't sure, but as the purple blur stopped, her spider senses went off. It was the same feeling she got when she realized Miles is in the wrong universe. 

"Shit.." she muttered worryingly. She swung once more in the direction of the purple blur, as it seemed to have caught its prey on the glass of the building. She gripped onto a closer building, good enough to view from below while not being affected. She hid in the shadows a bit, but what she spotted was beyond what she expected. 

It's the Prowler. Atleast, this Universe's prowler. Two of them, infact. A familiar light blarred at nearby wall, filled with graffiti colors. For a moment she could not tell, as the words were mushed with the art peice, but her eyes widened, her hands were shaky and that fear came back again. 

The mural was of Jeff, Miles' dad. He looked different, and it also seemed like a similar replica of Miles' uncle. 

"What the.." she paused.  This was far more unusual, maybe even worse of a situation considering the fact Miles could be in here, since everything seems so connected to him. The mural, the purple like mood, it's intriguing but also terrifying to know how his world could've ended up as. 

Suddenly she heard a scream from up ahead the second her spider senses went off again. Of course, the same feeling. Now she was even more worried. something was happening to Miles. 

As she glanced around rapidly of where to search, she saw it. Miles himself, chucked onto the ground forcefully. The Prowlers both leaped off the building as he struggled on the ground. They came towards him, the poor boy wounded and exhausted, as they stretched their metallic purple claws in fury. 

"You keep running away, we'll see how much running you can do." The smaller Prowler threatened, grasping Miles by the neck with his claws. "Keep playin'." 

"MILES!" Gwen gasped. Her mask eyes widened as she struggled on what to do. Miles kicked his leg up in defense as he tried to let go of his grasp, before the Prowler instantly blocked it. "Weak." He hissed into his ear. The smaller Prowler raised his other hand, claw in the air.

She instantly thwipped at the smaller Prowler's hand in response. With them distracted, she quickly shot a web at Miles' chest in attempt to grab him, but she struggled to swing him out of their grasp. Crap...that's not gonna work.

She could only shout until he could get up. 

"RUN!" She yelled as loud as she could. Miles glanced up, seemingly beaten before he saw her. Gwen saw the same spark in him as she did when she first met him, to when he saved Mumbattan, and even when seeing the Spider HQ. As Miles struggled to scramble up and swing, the Prowler had freed himself from the web. Gwen gulped. 


There was only one last thing she could do, now that Miles had gotten up. Grab him and swing away. She breathed for a heartbeat before swinging, thwipping her web at Miles' chest the same way he did in Mumbattan. She struggled for a minute, but quickly caught herself and him as she swung away, him under her web. She could feel the anger in the Prowlers, who seemingly dashed after them. 

"Gwen!?" Miles struggled to speak.

"Don't let go, not yet." She urged him. If he fell that weak, she wasn't sure if she could save him as easily like she did, not with the Prowlers on their trail. 

"But how are you here? Did Miguel send you...?" Miles asked, a hint of anger at the mention of Miguel. 

"No! It's, complicated." She stammered. 

"Last time it was complicated you lied to me."  Miles retorted. "How do I know you aren't doing it again..?" 

"Miles please, I'll tell you this time, i-i swear okay? Miguel...he -- I have to explain this when we arent getting chased." 


For a moment she stressed if Miles was going to let go, and her deepest worries kicked in again. Frantically, Gwen looked around. She had to tell him what happened. He doesn't know, and she didn't want their bond to grow even worse. I can't loose one more friend. Not again. She whispered to herself. 

"Down there!" Miles Shouted. Gwen spotted a crevas in the dark, slightly illuminated by a street light. "We have to rotate and loose them." She yelled. "Can you swing?"

Miles blinked. He pressed his web shooter as a web stuck to a building. "Yeah?" He replied bitterly. "How do think I escaped from them?"

"Right-" she paused. "Just go down there! I'll come back-"

As she said those words Miles had fidgeted with his web shooter before he let go, falling onto the building. Gwen kept swinging off in the distance. She knew she had to loose the prowlers first. She couldn't stress over Miles, he will be okay as long as he hid and healed.

She saw him glancing up at her from below, she nodded briefly as she swung. She could hear the Prowler whisper something. "I got this." To the smaller one as he frowned through the mask. 

He leaped with massive force at Gwen, tearing into the building. Gwen lost balanced slightly as it impacted her flow. She kept holding onto her web As she zipped through the buildings, the Prowler hopping from one side to another in a flash.

"Fast one are ya?" She yelled from behind. She could hear an angered growl from the Prowler as his speed picked up. Suddenly he jumped onto her mid zip, launching her on a balcony roof near an electric box. 

Gwen groaned, holding her shoulder as dust and dirt ruffled her suit from impact, scratching some of it. The Prowler promptly landed right infront of her with a menacing glare. "Slow." He growled. He grabbed her by the neck, pressing her against the building's wall furiously. The grip was rough and sharpened on her neck as she struggled to loosen the grip. 

"What brought you here." The Prowler growled, his cape blowing behind him as an explosion occurred nearby. Dust and rocks fell from above, falling on the both. 

Gwen grunted as she tried to wiggle free. She panicked for a moment. Her web shooter wasn't positioned to where she could distract the Prowler and quickly escape. Her only option was to reason with him. 

"Speak." He ordered, the man making his grib harder. Gwen groaned from the pain before stammering. "I don't know." She muffled, panting. 

"Well you might since there's two of you -- spider shooters." He sneered.  "Be honest." 

"Please, you don't understand." She pleaded with a hint of hostility. "Just let me go."

The Prowler was not aroused. Powering his claw, he dragged his other hand in the air. Gwen spat out another response, this time in fear before yelling." Listen, I can't explain, just -- wait!"

She stared at the purple light of pure energy and anger in the claw, muttering an "Oh no.." in worry. She didn't know where Hobie was, maybe too far, maybe close, she wasn't sure. She could only scream. 

"HOBIE!" She yelled. The Prowler scoffed. "Calling backup huh?" He raised his claw higher, closing them into a fist briefly. "No ones gonna-" 

Suddenly his hand was webbed. The Prowler let go of his grip on Gwen's neck as he reacted. "What the-"

Hobie swung in from above, tackling the Prowler as he pushed him off the edge with a grunt. "Prick." He grumbled. The Prowler struggled a bit but with his hand webbed, it was extremely difficult to actually land a hit. Hobie used his webs to wrap and throw off the Prowler neatly towards the lower roof.

He glanced at Gwen, who was coughing as she caught ahold of herself. "Ya good mate?" He asked, taking off his mask.

For a second she was quiet, before standing up. "Yeah...I think." 

Hobie only nodded. "Ay, found Miles?" 

"Prowler was chasing him." Gwen responded briefly. "he's down...somewhere, in this area." 

Hobie raised his brows for a moment. "He's 'ere? In this junk?"

He glanced at Gwen once more, a sudden expression change as he looked around. "Aight bruv, we need 'o move. He's comin' back." 

"The Prowler!?" Gwen shook herself. "Right, okay. Follow me."


They swung down below towards where Miles pointed to beforehand. Gwen stumbled a bit on her landing. She still, even after the quarrel with Prowler, didn't know what she would say to Miles. 

"Miles?" She called, shaking. Hobie glanced beside her, his hands in his pockets. "Mate, you good?" He Shouted as well.

Silence was the only response. For a moment Gwen reconsidered if he ever landed here st all, but as she was walking down the alleyway, she could see blood marks and faint webs shot around. "He has to be here."  She murmured. There was a chruning feeling in her stomach the more they drew closer.


Suddenly there was a loud crash in the alleyway. Gwen's senses went of immediately.

"Miles!" She screamed, running towards the sound. Hobie followed her as well, his eyes widened. 

The two ran to a stop, staring of at a weird hole in the wall, big enough to fit a person. In the distance she could hear quick swinging. There were familiar blue sparks that thrived around, as if it was more of an electric explosion that just a breaking.

"He's gone!"

Notes:

I am worn out lowkey by this


Had the idea since like 2 months ago and just now started working on it. I like the idea, and Hate it at the same time



Def changed the ending a lot and sorry for the silly cliffhanger :3