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(♡)
“Careful, there’s a red light,” whispered Namjoon. Hoseok’s fingers loosened around the steering wheel, but his irritation showed in the way his knuckle remained white.
As the car slowed down and came to a halt, an uncomfortable silence seeped in, disrupted by the city.
Even at one in the morning on a Monday, the streets of Hongdae were still busy, vibrating with restless energy. It didn’t matter if autumn was arriving in full force, bringing back with her the dying leaves, orange tones and the need for warmer clothes. She threatened the end of simple, careless summer fun and traded it for regular life obligations.
The recent chill of the night didn’t appear to discourage the younger souls.
Jimin noticed a large group of people stumbling out of a bar, laughing their asses off without a care in the world.
Shame intertwined with the immediate envy, looming deep inside. He couldn’t even remember the last time he experienced something similar; feeling unburdened, unbothered.
“Jimin-” tried Namjoon, head turning towards the backseat.
“I don’t wanna hear it.”
“If you didn’t want to hear it, maybe you should’ve called someone else-’’ Hoseok snapped, a voice so icy it created a knot in Jimin’s throat.
“Baby….,” warned Namjoon, keeping his voice low. Jimin wished he didn’t notice it. Notice Namjoon’s hand, moving towards the driver’s seat and resting itself on Hoseok’s lap, squeezing with consideration.
The car passed the green light as Hoseok and Namjoon exchanged a loaded look. Jimin could see the way Hoseok relaxed under Namjoon’s touch, all his worries put at bay with a simple gesture. Worries that Jimin created, because lately, that's all he was good at.
His abdomen was still throbbing from the swing it received, so was his left arm from when the stranger pulled on it to try and keep Jimin in the dingy room.
The pain was very much present and yet, it was superficial compared to how this brief intimate moment made his chest burn.
Aware of the tears threatening to roll down his cheeks, Jimin turned towards the window, eager to let the brisk air hit his face.
“Sorry, Minnie,” it was faint, hardly discernible with the rumble of the engine. Hoseok let out a deep sigh and Jimin could feel his glance through the visor. “I just don’t understand why you put yourself in these situations-’’
“There’s nothing to understand,’’ grumbled Jimin, eyes fixed on the passing streets. ‘‘Thought the guy was nice- he wasn’t. End of story.’’
Lying felt much easier than it should have.
‘‘Nice, huh?’’ scoffed Hoseok. ‘‘Do you even know his name?’’
Jimin cringed.
No, Sluthunter97 never told him his name.
Nothing on this guy’s profile implied he was nice. If the close-up shots of his abs and cock weren’t enough to alert him, his bio should’ve done it.
But Jimin didn’t care.
He needed to leave the apartment as soon as possible and ‘no fatties, no bisexuals’ hadn’t stopped him in his tracks.
The guy didn’t bother to say hello when Jimin showed up at the dingy hotel bar. He just bought him a drink and felt up his ass right away. As classy as expected.
‘‘Chimmie95 right? fuck i sure know how to pick ‘em.’’
Namjoon sighed, Jimin’s silence was far too telling.
‘‘We were comfy, the movie was getting interesting…Why would you bolt out of nowhere to meet some random dude? I just can’t wrap my mind around it.’’
Jimin couldn’t swallow down the snort bubbling from his throat. Fighting bitter honesty, his hands turned into fists on his lap.
There was nothing comfortable about feeling Namjoon and Hoseok shuffling next to him, entangled cozily on the couch.
Jimin didn’t give two shits about the movie.
Not when all he could hear was Namjoon’s lips meeting his boyfriend’s neck, Hoseok’s giggles at the administration.
And even though Jimin’s head was resting on Namjoon’s shoulder, there was no shaking the impression of being miles away from them.
Out of place.
There was no waving off the now too familiar humiliation he felt as Namjoon kept shuffling beside him, to the point Jimin had to straighten up when they started kissing.
Once again, he felt so close to their bubble but unable to get in.
‘‘I was bored, I needed to get out.’’ Jimin’s non-committal answer drew a groan from the driver’s seat.
‘‘Well, shit, nice to know we bore you.’’
Something about Hoseok’s tone rattled Jimin’s gut. Hoseok never got angry easily, but when that happened he had quite a mouth on him. Jimin was more of the same and the rare times they fought, it tended to get ugly pretty fast, hence the venom Jimin had in his reply,
‘‘Because being a third wheel is so interesting, right?’’
The atmosphere in the car shifted. They were getting close to the apartment and Jimin couldn’t wait to run away from them.
‘‘What did you just say?’’
Fuck.
‘‘Maybe we should talk about this at home,’’ whispered Namjoon, voice strained with apprehension.
Under any circumstances, maybe Jimin would’ve found humor in this situation. Even if he and Hoseok were vicious fighters, the panic it gave Namjoon was often enough to defuse the tension. It usually sent Hoseok into a laughing fit with Jimin following not so long after, since he was a little harder to break.
But right now, the hurt in Namjoon’s tone was just too much. Jimin knew he’d rather keep the peace than focus on his own emotions and that only made him feel worse about all the trouble he was forcing on them.
‘‘Or maybe you should just drop it.’’ Jimin wiped the tears clean with the hem of his sweater, resolved to end this. ‘‘I was bored, wanted to fuck, but it didn’t turn out the way I wanted to. Why do you have to make a big deal about it?’’
‘‘Because we were so worried-’’ began Hoseok, tone dangerously veering into irritation again.
‘‘Okay, but I’m fine now. This night was humiliating enough as it is. Do you really have to give me a lecture?”
Jimin was fully aware he was being an asshole. Their best friend calling in panic in the middle of the night for help would’ve shaken up any decent person. They had a right to be concerned. Hoseok had a right to be pissed at him and Jimin was doing nothing to calm him.
The rest of the drive was spent in silence. Jimin forced his eyes to remain on the sidewalk and not on Namjoon’s fingers, still tracing a little circle on Hoseok’s thigh.
(♡)
Jimin hissed when the water hit his head, icy droplets wetting his hair, flowing through his scalp. A shiver took over his whole body while it adapted to the cold. Normally he’d wait until the water was boiling before jumping in, but tonight, he couldn’t even force himself to care about his own comfort. As he took a deep breath, Jimin allowed a dry sob to echo in the bathroom, comforted in knowing the sound was being masked by the pitter-patter of the shower. Comforted in the fact that he could hardly distinguish water from tears.
Thoughts about tonight's incident obscured Jimin’s mind. The stranger’s callous fingers were still burning his hips, still insistant and tight around his wrist. The smell of his beer-laced breath remained, so did the sensation of it ghosting hot against his ear.
Jimin just wanted to throw up.
He knew tonight was the poorest use of his judgment. From the guy’s alarming profile, to his meeting place of choice; the sketchiest little motel in Hongdae, the red flags wouldn’t stop coming. When he made it to the motel’s bar, Jimin’s anticipation had been watered down a bit by the man’s appearance. He looked similar to his picture, at least. Tall, muscular, close to his age.
Quite handsome for a guy who’d name himself Sluthunter97.
But any shred of relief dissipated when his foul mouth started talking.
‘‘Aren’t you a pretty little thing?‘‘ he had said after leading Jimin into his room. Insistent hand on his backside. ‘‘Can’t even be mad at you for making me wait- not with those lips. We're gonna put them to good use tonight?’’
This pure feeling of disgust and danger the man dragged out of Jimin at every sentence, look and touch…
Everything about this situation made him want to flee.
Only the craving for a distraction, a distraction from the image of his roommates, his friends, tangled up on the couch drove him to stay just a little longer. Refusing defeat, he tricked himself into believing that maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t be so bad. That it’d be easier than enduring another lonely night in a bar or in his bedroom, making him feel more pitiful than he already felt when he fled his own apartment.
God, jealousy was a horrendous color on him.
Jimin supposed it’d get easier after a few weeks. That one day, the painful tug on his heartstrings would cease.
As they say, time heals all wounds.
But Jimin was growing desperate to figure out how much longer this was going to last. Even after four months, that wound was wide open.
It stung when they held hands while driving Jimin to college…burned when he watched them kiss good morning…
It bled when he heard them fuck at night.
The worst part was that despite their newfound relationship, nothing really changed between the three of them.
Hoseok would continue to whip up breakfast for everyone on the weekends. Jimin favored taking naps during his time off, and Hoseok still cuddled him to sleep in the middle of the day while Namjoon would wake the pair up, nagging them for 'wasting precious time', only to get sucked into a major cuddling session.
They still sandwiched Jimin between the two of them, unaware of Jimin’s heart, being yanked in both directions.
The Saturday night dinners remained, a tradition birthed right after moving in together.
Choosing a different restaurant every time where they drank, ate delicious food and shared what went on in their week as if they didn’t see each other every single day. Jimin would make the best use of his cuteness, pulling out his prettiest pouts to get Namjoon to foot the bill, deliberately ignoring Hoseok’s eyerolls at his antics but loving his knowing smirk every single time.
‘‘Hyuuung, I forgot my wallet again could you-’’ and Namjoon never let him finish. Dimpled smile ready, he’d whip out his wallet in a second, claiming that ‘‘of course, hyung is paying.’’ And Jimin would try to hide how giddy that made him, telling himself that being taken care of was the reason for his fluster and not Namjoon calling himself Hyung.
Those routines that they developed after a year of sharing an apartment didn’t change, nor did the friendship that they built.
Because even if he came in late between two friends who knew each other since high school, the three of them formed a bond Jimin never thought he’d experience in his life. A bond that caused Jimin to believe the three of them shared something special.
A bond Jimin assumed he understood.
That was before they sat him down in the living room to break the dating news, shattering Jimin’s perspective about their relationship into a million pieces.
Practically driving himself insane with the signs he believed he missed and the what-if’s, Jimin was left sick with too many unanswered questions.
Questions that were too hard to ask. Questions he wasn’t even sure he wanted answers to.
In lieu of lying awake and spiralling with suppositions, Jimin turned towards going out.
That first night, he partied until the break of dawn, drinking and dancing almost hard enough to shake off the pain of Namjoon wishing him a fun night before dragging Hoseok straight off to their shared bedroom. Jimin returned early in the morning, stumbling out of his one-night stand’s car and into the apartment, still buzzing from the alcohol and wobbly from being fucked into oblivion.
“Where have you been?’’ was what he was greeted with. The concern on Namjoon’s face, the pronounced aggravation in Hoseok’s voice… That did it.
It spawned some tiny yearning for revenge, for attention.
After that, Jimin went out frequently. He hooked up with random guys and did everything he could to make a show of it, especially during group outings. It was immature, causing unnecessary worry to his best friends, but that was all he had.
Yes, nothing changed in their relationship, but for Jimin… it was a completely different story. Because he couldn’t even let himself feel around them anymore.
Whenever Hoseok surprised him, picking him up after dance practice with an ice latte and a peck on the cheek…Whenever Namjoon would shower him with compliments for basically anything Jimin did...
All those warm, fuzzy emotions it used to cause him turned into shame and confusion. Into bitterness.
Jimin wasn’t supposed to have his heart turn into an absolute puddle when Namjoon called him beautiful. He shouldn’t melt at the affection in his praises or at how his eyes morphed into half moons every time he smiled.
Jimin wasn’t supposed to wish for Hoseok’s kisses to reach his lips, to wonder how that cupid’s bow would feel… Wasn’t supposed to long for those sweet praises to be murmured into his ears.
Just how awful of a human being was he for wishing those things? It was already weird to have those feelings for both of your friends. What did it say about Jimin’s character if he still couldn’t help himself after they became a couple?
His two best friends found each other. What kind of monster wouldn’t be happy about that?
But if they had each other, why were they giving him so much affection in the first place? Was Jimin the weird one for reading so much into it? Why were they constantly giving him what he craved without ever letting him in the way he wanted?
What was so wrong with Jimin, that they’d see each other in a romantic light but not him?
That was all Jimin was left with, resentment for his sick heart, for his inability to just let go of all of it.
Tonight, he couldn’t help but feel like he had overstepped. For a moment, Jimin pondered about calling Taehyung for help instead, but once he ran out of the apartment, his fingers had a mind of their own.
He needed them. It had to be them.
And now, here he was, sad and embarrassed, crying in the shower, about to cry himself to sleep, again. He didn’t expect the whole place to be plunged into darkness when he got out of the bathroom. A sharp dread engulfed Jimin when he saw that only his bedroom was still lit. Typically, they’d be waiting for him in the kitchen or the living room for a good scolding or they would at least make sure he was okay before they all went to bed.
Jimin dragged himself to his room. Heavy disappointment burdened each of his steps.
It was late. They were most likely sick of his bullshit.
Who wouldn’t be?
He didn’t expect both Hoseok and Namjoon to be lying in his bed with an empty spot between them.
‘‘Listen, you can kick us out. But we don’t want to leave you alone. Can we just like…cuddle and talk?” Hoseok looked at Namjoon for what looked like a bit of support.
Jimin, brain refusing to cooperate, remained silent, standing awkwardly in his doorframe. Hoseok’s hopeful expression fell but Namjoon’s chuckle broke the hovering tension when he softly added, “Come here, Minnie,” and without question, Jimin obeyed.
When he climbed onto his bed, Namjoon lifted the covers so he could easily slip inside and crawl into the Jimin-sized space they left in between them. As soon as he was in, arms and legs snaked around his body ,the heaviness he carried all night started to give way, swapped for comfort, for warmth.
Jimin nuzzled his nose in Namjoon’s neck while Hoseok hugged Jimin from behind, one arm hugging him close.
‘‘I’m sorry,’’ Hoseok mumbled, cheek squished against Jimin’s back.
‘‘I was being a dick earlier. I’m the one who should apologize-’’ his words got lost when Namjoon pressed a kiss on his temple.
“Don’t- it’s okay.’’
Closing his eyes, Jimin let Namjoon's sweet scent engulf him while appreciating Hoseok's calming heartbeat against his back.
‘‘You know you don’t have to hide anything from us, right?’’ gently offered Namjoon, fingers coming in contact with Jimin’s bangs, pushing his damp locks back, making him shiver.
“I know…’’ He hated himself for the way his throat closed up again, because how the fuck could they know this was exactly what he longed for?
The three of them fell into a comfortable silence. One where Jimin wasn’t feeling any pressure to explain himself right away.
He knew he could just get lost in the moment and focus on their breathing to regulate his own. Focus on Hoseok’s little movements on his ribcage. Loving the way Namjoon’s nails were scraping his scalp occasionally as he brushed through his hair. Jimin couldn’t hold back the little whimper escaping his lips and at the sound, Hoseok’s leg tightened around his waist while Namjoon placed another kiss against his forehead.
A wave of affection.
Ripples of gentle touches and pleased sighs.
Jimin lived for moments like this. Moments where they seemed to all move as one, both his friends responded so quickly to even the tiniest action.
They did it often, comforting him like this. Ever since that one time when Jimin was a freshman and had a panic attack over screwing up a dance solo audition he was working on. Slaving night and day for weeks, only for his ankle to fail him and his god awful teacher to publicly humiliate him. One text to their group chat had both friends burst into his dorm, soju and reassurance ready. They all got tipsy and poured their heart out to one another.
They laughed so much that night.
Jimin re-enacting the audition in an attempt at immersive storytelling, too tipsy to do anything right. Hoseok, saying the most vile things about Jimin’s teacher, fuelling Jimin’s anger and Namjoon, half-panicked, trying to defuse the tension by using words of affirmation instead.
They ended up sandwiching Jimin to death on his tiny single bed. It spawned numerous laughing fits as Jimin and Hoseok wouldn’t stop teasing Namjoon about how he was most likely to break the bed frame.
When Namjoon had pulled Jimin half on his lap so that they could all fit, Jimin’s dorm roomate at the time had shuffled out of the room, cheeks pink, calling them weird for being ‘all over each other like that’.
Hoseok had dismissed him, assuring Jimin he was probably just jealous.
But as Jimin’s roommate left, they got really quiet, dozing off, all dissolved into one another.
For the first time Jimin felt safer than he could ever imagine.
Felt at home.
Comfy, head resting on Namjoon’s rock hard chest, listening to his heartbeat. Attentive to Hoseok’s thigh against his own, mouth tickling the crook of Jimin’s neck, pulling the most delicious goosebumps out of him…
And for the first time, Jimin had felt like maybe it was a little weird.
‘‘Is there a…a reason you’ve been going out so much?” said Hoseok, vigilant with his words. Jimin sighed, realizing that even if he couldn’t tell them the real reason for his actions, no matter how he spun this, there was no avoiding looking like an absolute sad sack.
‘‘I’ve just…I’ve been lonely these days.’’
‘‘Is loneliness worth sketchy-ass hookups?’’ There was no judgment in Namjoon’s question, only curiosity.
‘‘I don’t know anymore…’’ said Jimin, fingers toying with the soft material of Namjoon’s shirt. ‘‘It’s not like I try to put myself in those situations.’’
Again, another lie.
‘‘Is it because…did we..?’’ Hoseok tried but gave up pretty quickly before Namjoon came to the rescue again.
‘‘Did we make you feel like…left out?” Maybe it was the culpability peppering their voices. Maybe Jimin was just too tired to fully commit to making things up. He did everything in his power not to let the bitterness show when he answered.
“I’m not in this relationship, Hyung…kinda makes sense to be left out.” The silence that followed was enough to make Jimin regret his words. He wasn’t confirming their suspicions, but he wasn’t denying them either.
After all, wasn’t it normal? To feel cast aside when your best friends and roommates decide to date each other?
Jimin nuzzled his face deeper in the crook of Namjoon’s neck, the tips of his ears burning.
“But we love you so much, ‘Min. We’ll always be here to take care of you,” said Namjoon, thumb coming up to brush Jimin’s cheek, probably trying to get him to stop hiding his face. But Jimin wouldn’t budge, afraid Namjoon would read how deep his sorrow ran.
“Joonie's and I’s relationship doesn’t change that,” added Hoseok in a whisper, tracing little circles on his chest. Thanks to the extremely thin fabric of his t-shirt, Jimin could almost feel the touch on his skin.
“I know, it’s just… It’s not like you can give me the type of caring I need…”
“You mean like… Like a boyfriend?” said Hoseok, voice laced with uncertainty.
“Sure, I go out at odd hours because I need a boyfriend.”
No, Jimin didn’t want a boyfriend. That was a tiny bit of truth he was able to admit.
Could he admit the reason why his heart was closed off?
Probably not.
But he could deal with this conversation, at least. Could stir his storyline around loneliness, around horniness, determined to avoid the truth at all costs. Namjoon coughed a little, making his chest rumble under Jimin’s hand.
“So, it’s a sex thing?”
Jimin remained silent. It was the only response he had to offer, but he dared to raise his head, Namjoon’s gaze falling on his face at that movement. Namjoon’s eyes poured into his and the intense stare caused Jimin’s gut to clench, right beneath Hoseok’s hand.
He nodded. A quiet confession.
Namjoon sighed, fingers making their way to Jimin’s chin, gently preventing him from hiding again.
“If you’re going out like this, putting yourself in those situations just for sex…somehow that makes me feel worse.”
Hoseok must’ve felt Jimin tense under his hold because he quickly added;
“We're not judging. I hope you know that.”
Jimin scoffed.
“Minnie,” repeated Hoseok more firmly. “We’re just trying to understand what’s been going on with you.’’
“I’m sorry.” Lame answer, but what else was there to say? ‘I’m sorry I've been whoring myself out to make you jealous and simultaneously forget about the two of you’ sounded a little too heavy just yet.
Another kiss blessed his forehead and under Namjoon’s warm lips, Jimin’s breath shuddered.
They never stopped kissing him either.
You’d think that as a couple, boundaries would’ve been acquired, yet, that was one other thing that strangely didn’t change. Ever so affectionate with one another, never shying away from that fondness that fuelled their relationship.
Which, in retrospect might be a bit much for three grown-ass friends. But that’s just how they were.
Part of that behavior was a reason why Jimin now laid awake at night, wondering where it all went wrong. Because all those little smooches, all that tenderness was always so well balanced. Equally distributed between the three of them to a point that if Jimin dared to let his hopes up and his dreams wander, he believed that that love would’ve been equally balanced.
That it would’ve bloomed between the three of them naturally, just like everything else.
Not just between Namjoon and Hoseok.
And everyday since they got together, Jimin felt so fucking foolish for even entertaining this as a possibility.
“It’s truly okay. There’s nothing to be sorry about,” said Namjoon against his skin, digits sneaking to the nape of his neck, grazing his scalp with intent. A happy sigh escaped Jimin’s lips again, along with a full body shiver. “It’s normal to want sex…We’re just…”
“We’re not sure that’s the right way to go about it. You could get hurt- you damn well nearly did tonight-” Obviously, Hoseok was trying to keep his irritation at bay.
“Tonight was reckless of me, okay? It won’t happen again. I just needed to get out because...”
‘I couldn’t bear another minute of hearing you kiss. Of watching you touch each other…’
“Because we made you feel like a third wheel-” grumbled Hoseok against his back, cheek rubbing against it in a wordless apology.
“Because I wanted to get fucked.” The blush on the tip of his ears traveled down to his face, betraying his blunt choice of words. He couldn’t ignore how Namjoon’s face seemed to darken too. “I might feel lonely, but this has nothing to do with you. I just need to get a thing going of my own.”
“Can’t you find someone to be your friend with benefits or whatever?”
Jimin could only chuckle at the irony of Hoseok’s words.
“How long do you think my list of friends is? We’re in the same circle. Should I ring Yoongi-hyung for a quick fuck? I’m sure Tae would love it.”
It was Namjoon’s turn to laugh.
“It’s more likely that he’d be pestering you to sit in a corner and watch.” Jimin grimaced at the very accurate picture Namjoon was painting.
“I hate how right you are about this.”
“But would it help?’’ pressed Hoseok. ‘‘Having a regular person to do this with?”
No.
‘‘Maybe. I don’t know.’’
“Then what about school-”
“Hyung, stop. I’m not desperate enough to start fucking my classmate. I literally hate all of them.’’
Namjoon giggled again as Hoseok muttered something along the lines of ‘just trying to help’.
‘‘I won’t put myself in situations like tonight again. Promise,’’ said Jimin in an attempt to put an end to the conversation. ‘‘I guess I was just a little touch-starved. It’s not a big deal.’’
‘‘Not a big deal? It’s been going on for weeks. We were getting scared like ‘is he depressed’ type scared…You’ve just been so down lately… You know we can hear you crying at night, right?’’ There was no malice behind Hoseok’s words. Jimin understood. He was just as blunt as him. Never one to sweep anything under the rug for too long.
Still, Jimin didn’t expect getting called out so brazenly. Namjoon's scolding of his boyfriend fell on deaf ears, buried by Jimin’s nonchalant reply;
“Maybe it’s because I hear you fucking all the time. Some of us are trying to sleep.’’
The jab made both men stiffen besides Jimin. Namjoon choked on his saliva while Hoseok remained suspiciously silent.
‘‘What, is our little Jimin-ah jealous?’’ he quipped, propping himself on his elbow, towering over Jimin. Jimin risked a glance, regretting it as soon as he did it. Hoseok’s hair was getting long, silky locks brushing his eyes with the way he tilted his head. Jimin had to fight himself not to look at his mouth, cupid's bow stretching into a teasing grin.
It should hurt. In fact, it did a little. There was no way Hoseok knew just how right he was. And strangely, Jimin’s stomach tightened, his heart fastened.
‘‘Please,” he mocked, doing his best impression of indifference. “I’m not jealous of whatever vanilla shit y’all got going on, thank you very much.” He kept meddling with Namjoon's shirt, trying his best to save face.
‘‘Excuse me?’’
“Ya, Jimin-ah.’’ Jimin lifted his head towards Namjoon. His pulse quickened at the look his hyung was giving him. ‘‘If you can hear us through the walls, it’s probably because we’re not being very vanilla, don't you think?’’ Namjoon's voice was low in a way he’d never heard before.
He swallowed thickly.
‘‘Or maybe Hobi-hyung is just loud,’’ countered Jimin, testing the waters. Was this conversation taking a turn or was he just that desperate?
‘‘He is, because I give him a reason to be.’’
Oh
‘‘Can’t argue with that,’’ said Hoseok, seemingly unphased to be talked about this way. ‘‘Besides, pretty sure I’m not the only loud one in this bed.’’
‘‘What’s that supposed to mean?’’
‘‘Aw Jimin-ah. Cries aren’t the only thing we can hear.’’
‘‘Really?’’ was all Jimin could muster, distracted by the heat flooding the pit in his tummy…There was embarrassment, sure. But the idea that they could hear him sometimes…
‘‘Sounds like you don’t need any help being vocal.’’ The way Hoseok said it was like it was nothing….
Huh
Jimin blinked, dumbfounded under Hoseok’s indiscernible glint in his eyes, a cheeky smirk plastered on.
This was new.
Namjoon offered Jimin a sheepish smile.
‘‘Sorry, ‘Min-ah…The walls are thin…but I guess you know that, mmh?’’
‘‘Certainly didn’t sound like he knew when we moved,’’ added Hoseok under his breath.
“Don’t tease him,’’ warned his boyfriend, but Jimin’s face was already burning a little hotter. It is true that in those first months of living together, Jimin couldn’t keep his hands off of himself. Living with your crushes was bound to be challenging, especially after a year of stingy dorm life where privacy was mythical.
Though Jimin was ecstatic to be able to finally jerk off in peace, when Hoseok and Namjoon asked him to get an apartment together, he made a silent promise to shove his inappropriate feelings all the way down. Of course, after a week of bumping into an almost naked Hoseok walking out of the shower, and a sweaty Namjoon coming home from the gym, Jimin’s resolve for decency ended up short-lived.
‘‘I just….I know how to work my body,’’ he shrugged, doing his best at feigning confidence, ‘‘I know what I like….’’
‘‘What do you like?’’ Jimin’s arched eyebrow prompted Namjoon to add, ‘‘I mean, you just accused us of being vanilla…‘S only fair to ask.’’
But Jimin was merely joking, not trying to have a chat about his kinks and curiosities.
“Are you…you guys seriously want to know?’’ There was a shuffle behind him, Hoseok was straightening up on the bed and instinctively, both Jimin and Namjoon followed, leaning a bit more against the headboard.
‘‘Honestly, we… we might’ve speculated before.’’
‘‘Only once or twice’’ clarified Hoseok, nonchalance in his tone.
‘‘Speculated…” trailed Jimin, eyes going back and forth between his friends, ‘‘about what I like?”
What kind of speculation? Did they tal1k about him in a sexual context? It can’t be. They’re roommates after all, Did they really listen to him…touching himself?
And…Was Namjoon’s face getting pink?
‘‘Why don’t you try guessing for me?’’ said Jimin with an arched brow, ‘‘Since you’ve been…speculating?”
Namjoon’s eyes darted right past Jimin, a glint he couldn’t make out shining in his irises. They exchanged a look and he had to fight himself not to turn around and check Hoseok too, so he wouldn’t show his interest. Play it cool.
Anyways, they were most likely to decline. They talked about everything but somehow, sex was never a recurring subject between them.
Jimin quickly learned that having casual sex talks with his best friends, the ones he imagined all his one night stands to be, wasn’t a super smart idea. Jimin knew he’d end up a blushing mess and his imagination did not need any more stimulation.
“Well, first of all.’’ Hoseok said, attracting Jimin’s attention back to him. “I’d say that you lean more towards being submissive-”
The scoff bubbled up Jimin’s throat before he could even stop it. Hoseok’s brows flared up at the interruption.
“What?”
“That’s the number one thing people assume,’’ deadpanned Jimin. ‘‘Pretty little thing like me’s obviously a bottom. Big shock.’’
The deafening silence generated a shred of doubt.
‘‘What? It’s only the truth, anyways.’’ he said, unable to shake the slight defensiveness.
“Is that what you’ve been told?’’ asked Namjoon.
That’s all Jimin had ever been told. Since even before he came out, his sexuality was always an unwanted topic of conversation. A big joke, where everyone was in on it but him.
Jimin was an actual human being with his own life, but that never seemed to mean a thing to the people surrounding him. From a very young age, decisions were made about which category he belonged to. Who was he to have a say?
It didn't matter that Jimin was skilled at sports in general, his PE teacher never missed a chance to remind him not to be bothered with joining the soccer team since he was too effeminate to be taken seriously. When the girls from the dance team welcomed him with open arms, that relief quickly soured as they were already asking him which boy Jimin thought was pretty.
Those same boys who never missed a beat when it came to terrorizing him…Who’d steal his first kiss over a bet and later on, beg him to suck them off in the locker rooms, insinuating that of course, Jimin would be down for it.
Even coming out was ruined for him. Everybody already knew, everybody already had an opinion.
And one thing everyone seemed to agree on is that Jimin was on the receiving end. Because he was the dainty one, the bottom, the sub.
Just look at him. It’s obvious.
And Jimin tried for a while to act differently, act tough. Tried suppressing his shine and appear as bland and unthreatening, creating an incredibly dark and depressing senior year for himself. Only when he made it to college, Jimin dared letting his personality flourish, but that anger and self preservation remained.
“Why is that so surprising to you?’’
Hoseok’s frown deepened.
“Me saying you might be submissive has nothing to do with the way you look. Judging people’s sexuality or preferences based solely on appearance is idiotic-’’
‘‘And rude as hell. Like that guy last week.’’ Hoseok groaned at the reminder. Namjoon must’ve caught Jimin's confusion because he went on; ‘‘We were at that club we like, Spiral. It was only for a drink but one drink turned into four and next thing you know- we were making out. Usually, in straight clubs, we keep the PDA to a minimum but we like Spiral, the vibe is good, it usually feels safe. Anyway, this random dude popped out of nowhere and he was like ‘alright, who lost the bet?’ We told him we were dating and he wouldn't believe us. And you know what’s worse? He was queer too, mind you. He acted very know it all about the whole thing…’’
‘‘Know it all?”
‘‘Yeah, he was like ‘you have to be baby gays, I do not get that energy from you guys at all. Be honest, who’s experimenting?’ He also said obviously I was topping because I was built like a tree? So intrusive.’’
‘‘Ugh, forgot about the tree thing,’’ sighed Hoseok, wincing at the memory.
‘‘Yeah, he was a real fucking pain,’’ grumbled Namjoon. ‘‘Sometimes, people can’t even believe we’re actually dating. And if they do, we get weird comments about it. Who’s the top, who’s the bottom.... Who’s the straight-turned-gay. It’s annoying as fuck, especially when it’s coming from within the community.’’
Hoseok hummed along.
‘‘So you can imagine why I’m not surprised?’’
‘‘I didn’t think you actually paid those assholes any mind.’’ Jimin wondered if Hoseok knew his pity was poorly concealed.
“Yeah well, having other people’s view of yourself drilled into your subconscious might do a number on you.’’ There was a small silence following Jimin somber thoughts, one he had to break before they spiraled any further; ‘‘What’re you basing yourself on then… A-about me, I mean.’’
‘‘Jimin, no offense love, but you’re a huge brat-’’
‘‘Watch it.’’
“You’re a control freak,’’ continued Hoseok, unbothered by Jimin's empty threats. “Don’t like people treating you like a delicate fragile flower, hate asking for help. You avoid being vulnerable like the plague. Sometimes, you act tough to protect yourself, other times it’s just because you have a temper. D’you remember Joonie? When we met him? You used to get into fights a dumb amount of times when we went out because you don’t know when to shut the fuck up. You and Jeongguk were so annoying with this shit-’’
“Oh my god, like when they were about to fight that one beefy looking dude over stolen tequila shots?” snickered Namjoon, ‘‘Guk taking his shirt off yelling ‘you wanna go, bro?’ is something I’ll never forget.”
‘‘Right? I mean he was in his ‘bro’ phase at that time. I think Tae exposing him to american reality TV had a play in this, but Jimin had no excuse-’’
“Are you going somewhere with this?’’ Cut Jimin, annoyed at being called out like this.
Aggravated at how it earned him a winning smile from Hoseok.
“See? So bratty…’’ Jimin shot him a half-hearted death glare, ‘‘My point is, if we weren’t this close, based on how you act, I'd say you could be a top, some kind of power bottom- even a switch. I wouldn’t put you in this box, Jimin-ah. Your personality is very versatile. Like most people.”
‘‘Okay? Then what makes you think I’m more of a sub?’’ There was an attitude in his tone and Hoseok heard it too.
‘‘Even if you’re a brat.’’
‘‘You better stop calling me a br-’’
‘‘Even if you’re a brat,’’ Hoseok emphasized on the word, going as far to say it in the crook of his ear, retracting quickly before Jimin could swat him away or recover from whatever that was. Hoseok giggled at Jimin’s expression, taking his rose-colored cheeks for irritation.
‘‘I’ve seen how much you love it when we take care of you,’’ Hoseok continued, voice a little softer, fingers tracing imaginary lines on his stomach, “I know you love the attention. I see the way your eyes shine when we praise you, they get heavy when we pet you… I don't know, I have a feeling things are not that different in bed…’’ Jimin’s lips parted, practically drinking his words, swallowing down the liquid warmth and letting it pool in his lower belly, right there, under Hoseok’s slender digits. ‘‘I also know you like a challenge, so you might put that brattiness to good use sometimes, but at the end of the day… I think you’d rather let people drive.”
Jimin bit his lower lip, flooded with images of his past sexual interactions: fast, cold. Impersonal. There was no trust about a blowjob in a bathroom. No trust in meeting a Grindr date in the middle of the night. It was always more of the same; they tell him how pretty he is and they go at it.
Done.
Hell, that’s even how his first time went.
‘‘Huh…You might be right,’’ was all Jimin could muster, mind running wild. Hoseok’s analysis was actually spot on, but Jimin was too petty to stroke his ego.
‘‘Meaning?’’ said Namjoon, voice slightly dry before clearing his throat.
‘‘I wouldn’t really know…,’’ shrugged Jimin, ‘‘I’m not submissive with hook-ups, even if it’s been more than one time. Submission takes trust, no? That’s not something I have with the people I fuck, not to that point anyways. I guess I just don’t let people…I don’t let people in like that.”
Jimin wasn’t sure he liked how shallow the words made him feel, how bitter they tasted on his tongue.
‘‘Sex is meant for letting yourself go, though…How do you do that without trust?’’ Though Namjoon asked carefully, Jimin winced. Briefly, he wished he could hide his face in Namjoon’s neck again, but he’d probably just make himself look more pathetic.
Was Jimin repeating a pattern?
Using and getting used... Having sex for the sheer relief and validation as opposed to doing it for pure pleasure, for connection… Real intimacy.
‘‘I just focus on what feels good as a bottom, I don’t know…’’
‘‘But when do you let yourself go then?’’
Jimin never let himself go with other people. Only when he was alone, touching himself.
Only when he thought about them.
Until now, Jimin never realized just how affected his intimacy had been. Because Jimin would let all those emotions wash over him in those moments of self-indulgence. No one was there to bother him, no one was breathing down his neck, no sticky sweaty skin against his own. No one to be alert of, no one to try doing things he didn’t feel like doing.
Alone, he was safe. Safe in the confines of his room.
Just him, his thoughts…his toys.
Alone, Jimin would touch his body, take his time to play with himself, to feel. He’d move his hips with abandon, cock driving into his lubed fist or whatever fleshlight he was using. Would let his ass rock back onto his favorite dildo, the big purple one he could stick to the wall, a gift from Taehyung upon hearing Jimin would finally live in an apartment.
He still had the note that came with it.
‘Use it, cause you’re gonna need it’ That was quite the understatement.
Jimin used to stick to porn as side entertainment when jerking off but ever since Hoseok and Namjoon came into his life, fantasies were his best and only company.
And in all the scenarios that Jimin created, in those perfect fantasies, he was exactly as Hoseok described him. Needy, vocal, demanding praises and kisses. Begging for more, for release, for touches. Begging when he didn’t even need to.
While fucking himself to completion, Jimin would wonder if Namjoon would fill him up as well. Just how much warmer and softer the skin of his hips would feel against his ass, instead of a cold wall. Pictured Hoseok’s long digits stuffing his mouth instead of his own, promising to Jimin that if he was a good boy, his cock might be next.
His own fantasies never failed to make Jimin fucking tremble. To have him pleading to thin air, desperate for them to wipe his tears away and do to him everything Jimin assumed a submissive person would desire.
All the attention Jimin had from others was worthless. He hated it. Jimin trusted his hyungs, he loved them with everything he had.
Love them to a point that he let them baby him whenever they wanted since day one, and never even minded. They just always clicked, it always felt right.
The wild difference in behavior was daunting for Jimin, for he was nowhere near like that during hook-ups. The noises they could hear Jimin make when he was masturbating, he didn’t do them with his partners. He always blocked all their attempts at dominating, at breaking down his walls.
They barely even kissed.
None of them could get Jimin even close to how he felt just at the sheer thought of Namjoon and Hoseok.
The pinch on his heart threatened tears to form.
How fucking embarrassing.
Jimin was talking a big game for someone who was only true to himself in his damn fantasies.
Fantasies about his best friends.
Best friends in a relationship.
‘‘Okay, pretty sure it’s my turn to guess,’’ said Namjoon a bit too lightly, undoubtedly knowing he was interrupting a very depressing monologue. Jimin blinked the tears away as Namjoon squeezed the back of his neck gently, commending his attention on him. Jimin couldn’t help his full body shiver when his fingers slid in his hair again. Pushing his bangs back with a precise use of his nails, raising Jimin’s body temperature.
They held each other's gaze for a while that seemed like an eternity. Jimin knew Namjoon could read him like a book right now, but he didn’t have it in himself to shy away. There was something so comforting, so tender about having Namjoon look at him like that.
‘‘Weren’t you guessing?’’ teased Hoseok, but Namjoon's concentration remained solely on Jimin.
‘‘I think you like a bit of hair-pulling… Not too much- just enough so that you feel it. Am I correct?’’ he asked delicately, still holding Jimin’s gaze, who was already starting to feel stupid.
Did he like his hair pulled? He was always ready to throw hands when someone tried it.
But with them….
Jimin nodded.
Namjoon smiled at that, pretty eyes crinkling, pleased.
“And your sensitive spot would be right-’’ His fingers found his nape and Jimin bit his lower lip when he felt a good scrape. ‘‘Here?’’ Namjoon rubbed the spot, softly yanking a tiny handful in the process, and Jimin’s knees automatically tried to press together. He couldn’t even fight it.
Mortification took over when he felt Namjoon’s hard thigh stop his obvious movement.
The gesture was so intimate.
Namjoon brushed his hair like this often, only this time it felt entirely fucking different. Namjoon wasn’t just holding him, lazily petting his hair to help him drift to sleep. He was staring at him. Analyzing. He felt Jimin trying to close his thighs together…
…And now he was smirking?
‘‘That's an easy one, Joonie. I could’ve easily guessed that.’’ Cheeks burning, Jimin’s eyebrows rose in a silent question.
‘‘You always make those little happy noises when we pet your hair.’’ Hoseok shrugged, ‘‘Especially that spot. Did it just earlier, you didn’t notice?’’
Jimin shook his head, nibbling on the inside of his cheek. The sudden exposure made him squirm, but not in the way that made him want to hide. They made him feel curious. Excited. Made him want to open himself up to them.
In all the ways imaginable.
“Another sensitive spot…,” continued Namjoon bringing focus back to himself “Would be your chest?’’
‘‘Maybe you're wrong,’’ challenged Jimin just to save face…maybe a part of him wished for another demonstration. The most wicked smirk appeared on Namjoon's lips giving life to his dimples which Jimin tried his hardest not to fixate on.
“I don’t know…Hobi?’’ He looked behind Jimin again, eyebrows subtly quirked. ‘‘Am I wrong?’’ Jimin frowned at that because what does Hoseok have to do with anything-
Hands- Hoseok’s hands snaked up to his chest. Lightly tickling over the shirt, yanking a few surprised giggles out of him.
‘‘Yah- what,’’ before he could protest, thumbs were brushing his nipples repeatedly, gently pinching them. And Jimin, Jimin couldn’t swallow the high-pitch moan that passed his throat, face quickly stilling in horror. His expression must've been ridiculous because he felt Hoseok snickering next to him, hands slowly coming back to rest on his belly.
‘‘Guess I’m right.’’
“Again, that’s pretty fucking easy,” snickered Hoseok a little too proud of himself.
‘‘Stop saying it’s easy and do better, then.’’
Jimin didn’t even mean to snap but he was getting overwhelmed and dangerously turned on. They were so close, talking about lewd things... Touching him in a way they really never had before, not in this context anyways.
All of this was enough for Jimin to lose his marbles.
‘‘Sure, princess.’’ It wasn’t the first time Hoseok called him princess. Jimin never admitted it but he loved it. Loved how it made him feel and this time was no different. Hoseok gave him a once over and again, Jimin felt very exposed, vulnerable. For some reason he leaned into it, letting his friend observe him.
Because what else could they see?
‘‘What feels good as a bottom…’’
Hoseok’s gaze settled on his hands before he spoke again; ‘‘What about fingering?”
There was no way Jimin could hide his embarrassment this time. This game was definitely turning against him.
‘‘What about it?’’ shrugged Jimin, noncommittally. ‘‘It’s just prep, feels fine.’’
…
He started to lose count of all the confused, uncomfortable silences he was creating tonight.
‘‘I said fingering, not prepping.’’
Jimin couldn’t help giving Hoseok a side-eye. Giving him a bit more attitude.
‘‘I have ears.’’
Ears that were probably bright red by now.
‘‘But fingering isn’t just for prepping,’’ said Hoseok, visibly scandalized, ‘‘That's crazy, you’re not some rotisserie chicken-’’
‘‘Hoba, please don’t compare Minnie to rotisserie chicken’’ Namjoon’s thumb was doing circular motions on the back of his head, silently soothing his nerves,‘‘Has no one ever like…offered? Just for pleasure?’’
‘‘Not really…Most guys just did it to…get to the main part? Especially when I like…started having sex.’’ Both bodies tensed against Jimin, but he went on, refusing to paint this as some pity party. “Guess it made me not really care for it, but it was never a big deal…Now, I'm the one who snaps at them to get to it... Anyways, it feels more like they’re digging for loose change if you ask me.”
Unsurprisingly, his joke fell flat, and now Jimin was the one beginning to tense.
“A dick is literally the same,’’ he grumbled, veering in to defensiveness again, “Who cares.’’
‘‘It’s far from the same,’’ said Namjoon, deliberately ignoring his boyfriend’s dramatic gasp at Jimin’s claim. ‘‘I mean, I’m speaking more as the one on the giving end but…everything about it is so satisfying. Like, you have to be delicate at first, so the teasing part is so good. And then finding that spot, hitting it over and over.’’ Jimin didn’t miss how Hoseok’s hand tightened a bit around his shirt. Namjoon went on; ‘‘Bringing all those sensations with just my fingers, rocking a whole body with just the force of my arm…In a way it can feel much more intimate than fucking. Same with rimming, much more intimate than a blowjob when you think about it.’’
Jimin had to remember how to breathe. He was thinking about it, alright. Had to chase away the very vivid visual of himself, sitting on Namjoon’s lap…Him spreading his cheek apart with one hand while the other one is teasing his hole lightly. Would he whisper dirty things into his ear? Starts slowly and gradually get rougher with him?
Was he like that with Hoseok?
Jimin had spent over a year making up scenarios like that but experiencing it first hand from Namjoon’s mouth…Knowing it was something he found great pleasure in…It made him want to squeeze his thighs again, made Jimin want to beg Namjoon for another demonstration…
Fuck, how was he not fully hard already was beyond him.
‘‘I’ve never…Ahem, none of that ever happened to me.’’
‘‘Wow…Wait- so no one’s ever rimmed you before either?’’ Jimin shook his head. ‘‘I’m sorry that’s- stop gasping.’’
‘‘What! I feel like we need to have a moment of silence, this is such a waste.’’
Jimin frowned, “A waste?”
‘‘Yeah, it is a shame…’’ sighed Namjoon and before Jimin could ask what was a shame in him not getting his ass ate, Hoseok continued, loudly enough to startled both other boys;
‘‘Oh! Wait! A very interesting conversation between you and Taehyung is kinda coming back to me now…’’
Jimin blanches. He knew where this one was going, if the amusement and excitement Hoseok’s voice harbored wasn’t sufficient, the mention of Taehyung was more than enough. He remembers the months of regrets of telling his so-called friend anything about his sex life.
“I don’t see what that has to do with guessing what I like,’’ Jimin quickly intervened, no shame in his obvious attempt at deflecting. ‘‘Also- we both know Tae’s a liar.’’
‘‘Tsk- ‘Minnie. That’s not a very nice thing to say about a friend, is it?’’
“What’s this about?’’
‘‘You don’t remember Joonie? Our Jimin-ah doesn’t have a gag reflex.’’
Jimin couldn’t quite pin-point what exactly happened. Namjoon’s expression became unreadable.
‘‘What?’’ he asked, tone awfully quiet now. ‘‘I never heard that one…”
Jimin found it hard to believe; it took Taehyung over a week to finally shut up about it.
‘‘Even if I didn’t have a gag reflex, doesn’t mean I’m like, crazy for blowjobs or anything.’’
‘‘Aren’t you, though?’’ deadpanned Hoseok, blunt question ghosting hot close to his ear.
What the fuck?
Jimin swallowed. They never even really talked about these kinds of things, there was no reason for either of them to know this.
Again, Jimin had a feeling they did a bit more than speculate.
‘‘I’ll take that as a yes.’’
There was no reason for Hoseok to be so blunt, almost cocky. They used to bicker all the time, used to tease each other to a point where it would sometimes turn into a fight, but this? Hoseok’s smirk was light but there was a heaviness hidden.
It felt like an entirely different thing.
This felt like fire. Like hunger.
‘‘How about you try and find out then?”
…
God he was really on one tonight, huh?
‘‘I…I mean…I meant like with your finger or somethi-’’
‘‘I’ll try,’’ said Namjoon, tone a little too casual.
Jimin blinked, while Hoseok's sputters were far in the background.
‘‘Excuse me, I think he was talking to me. Not you.’’
“Now, look who's being a brat…” tsk’d Namjoon with a reprimanding tone Jimin had never heard before. Hoseok only snickered, playful eyes tinted with a bit of defiance.
Were they really fighting about who gets to knuckle his throat, right now?
What. The. Fuck.
“O-okay,’’ Jimin heard himself say. To refuse this would be absolutely insane. Even if they didn’t have feelings for him like he did, even if this meant something completely different to him, Jimin was beginning to feel so close to the edge. They kept pushing and pushing and making him feel and want. Opening him up and stripping him in more ways than one. Jimin’s instinct told him he just had to see how far they could take this. It didn’t matter as much that he was so close to make his attraction for them evident.
At this point, was it worth it to keep playing it safe?
It happened very slowly, and even if Hoseok was observing them meticulously, Jimin couldn’t tear his eyes away from Namjoon’s. Clouded, curious and intense, mouth parted in infinite concentration, as if he was about to perform the most important task. When his long fingers came into contact with his bottom lip, Jimin’s belly did a somersault, his breath hitched.
‘‘Open a little…I just wanna see….’’ Jimin obeyed, pliant, body falling completely laxed at Namjoon's gravelly voice, at his command. The fingers caressed his lip for a moment before digging deeper, pad against his tongue, dragging on the muscle and seemingly appreciating every inch. Jimin still maintained eye contact when he opened wider.
An invitation.
Namjoon appeared to view it as such when he nearly reached the entrance of his throat. Jimin was perfectly relaxed, welcoming the digits deeper. His hips almost bucked when Namjoon began a motion. In and out, subtle but there. Every push was deeper and deeper until his fingers were lodged far enough to prove his point.
Jimin hadn’t gagged once.
In fact, he was fighting everything right now to not close his mouth around those long digits and properly suck. To really show his hyungs what he was capable of and make a spectacle of it.
Fuck, how he wanted to show them so bad.
Maybe it was because Jimin was doing his best to focus on not moaning, that his thighs clenched again around Namjoon’s. And all the blood from his face traveled down low, his cock full on betraying him by fully chubbing up in his shorts. To ease off the pressure and to save himself some dignity, Jimin arched his back in Hoseok’s direction, but was met with an almost indiscernible grunt. He wasn’t sure anymore if it came from him or Hoseok, too busy with his mouthful.
‘‘Holy shit this is…’’
‘‘Yeah…’’ and Namjoon’s tone was so strained. Transfixed. Causing his excitement to spill over inside Jimin’s gut, making his cock feel heavy. Jimin risked a glance at Hoseok whose lips were hanging open, brows furrowed in disbelief and something else Jimin wasn’t sure what it was. When saliva started pooling and threatening to dribble at the corners, Jimin closed his lips around the fingers before thinking. He sucked on them and swallowed Namjoon's fingers, gathering back his saliva. The sound was ridiculously lewd and loud in the too quiet room. Namjoon halted his movement and began slowly pulling out his fingers.
That time, Jimin kept his mouth tight around them, a silent plea for continuity.
Namjoon looked at his spit covered hand, mesmerized. Then at Jimin for a second before moving right past behind him, eyes darkening even more.
Whatever thought Jimin had, completely vaporized.
Hoseok was hard.
Right against his ass.
Through the very thin fabric of Hoseok’s shorts, the heat of his dick was practically burning against him.
‘‘I’m sorry…’’
‘‘It’s okay’’
“I can’t help it.’’
‘‘Can’t blame you.’’
Jimin's eyes were shifting between the two of them, confused about the exchange.
How did he even know about his boyfriend’s state? Did he know about Jimin’s? Nothing in his demeanor indicated that he did, but Jimin’s tent in his flimsy shorts wasn't exactly hiding anything. One look under the covers and he’d be made.
‘‘I’m sorry, Minnie,’’ muttered Namjoon, glossy look on his face, “Guess we got carried away…’’
‘‘I’m so sorry, Jimin-ah,’’ Hoseok’s tone was burdened with remorse as the pressure against Jimin’s ass eased off. The simple loss of contact bloomed a sting in his chest. A sting he was too frozen to even comprehend, clenching his teeth, working the muscle of his jaw. Hoseok was readjusting the covers, Namjoon and him now visibly concerned.
‘‘Are you okay?’’
And Jimin hated it. He wanted the fingers back, wanted the hunger, the teasing. He could still feel the pad of Namjoon’s finger on his tongue, was craving to have his throat stuffed again.
He fucked everything up, didn’t he?
‘‘I really didn't wanna make you uncomfortable,’’ Hoseok added, taking Jimin’s silence as him being troubled.
You didn’t. Please just don’t stop, I’m begging.
That’s what Jimin wanted to say. Deprived of his ability to form a sentence, Jimin shook his head, incapable of looking at them, afraid of what might happen if he did. Biting his lower lip in frustration, he tried willing himself to say something, anything. And his cock was throbbing, refusing to soften as his vision blurred with tears, chest heavy with desperation… It took everything out of him to not thrust his hips up, to rock into nothing. Torn between heartbreak and blinding desire.
Jimin knew he was reading too much into this. They were just teasing him, as friends. They shared a friendship, an apartment… nothing more, nothing less. Hoseok and Namjoon didn’t have space for him in their hearts like that. Jimin might live with them, might share a special bond with them, might be their baby but being sandwiched between the two of them like right now was the only Jimin-sized space available in their relationship.
It was temporary, fleeting.
Tomorrow, they’d go about their day and forget everything. They’d go back to making him feel cherished while keeping him at arm's length. Close but never quite enough. Leaving Jimin to hurt. To wonder why. To make very fucked up choices for himself.
But right now, Hoseok was hard. Jimin took a deep breath, forcing himself to look at Namjoon and yeah, despite his apparent distress, his cheeks were painted pink.
‘‘’Min?’’ whispered Namjoon, probably seeing the gears turning in Jimin’s watery eyes.
And just like that, Jimin made another choice.
Holding Namjoon’s insistent look, Jimin’s hips backed up steadily until they were nudged against Hoseok, who’s breath hitched at the sudden contact. Jimin let out a pleased sigh, eyelids fluttering while his hand made its way behind him, searching for Hoseok’s to place it on his hip bone. He grinded once, twice, mouth parting slowly, heat spreading like wildfire through his body.
‘‘Jimin…What’re you doing?’’ Given how winded he sounded, by the tightening of Hoseok’s fingers, Jimin’s action seemed to have the desired effect. Namjoon watched the movement, speechless. There was surprise on his face, but Jimin was pleased to see that look was back. That same look he had minutes ago, when Jimin was practically sucking on his fingers.
It gave Jimin a teeny bit of solace; at least he read that correctly.
‘‘W-what does it look like I’m doing?’’ Jimin cursed his stutter, confidence more fragile than he’d like. The knot in his throat made it difficult to talk, so did his hard-on, painfully straining against the fabric of his shorts. It was a relief, to say the least, when he tightened his thighs around Namjoon. Funny how he was avoiding the gesture like the plague earlier, yet now, Jimin did it openly, hand sneaking up Namjoon’s waist, gripping him to inch him closer, appreciating how heavy and firm he felt and, yeah, he was just as affected as them. Right under Jimin’s knee, Namjoon’s cock was pulsing.
Since he wasn’t met with any protests, Jimin let his face fall forward a bit, head resting on Namjoon's chest. He moved his hips again, with a bit more assurance this time. Just this already felt so good… igniting a fire, setting ablaze all the desire that’s been pooling in the pit of his tummy since he found them in his bed. It was beyond anything he’d ever hoped for, even in his wildest dreams.
It’s okay, just take what you can get, anything will do, was what he told himself.
His cock was dragging against Namjoon’s hip deliciously, while Namjoon’s own dick was pressed between their bodies, friction unescapable pulling delicious groans out of him. Groans Jimin never thought he’d get to hear. And Hoseok was still holding his hips, seemingly trying to apply some restraint, only to be betrayed by his own little strangled noises.
Hoseok’s hand traveled to the hair at his nape, slowly yanking Jimin’s head back, forcing his gaze on him. Their faces were close now and for once, Jimin let his eyes linger everywhere. He was so beautiful. Hair in disarray, thin layer of sweat pearling his clavicle. That mole sitting atop of his plushy cupid’s bow , just staring at Jimin, begging to be kissed. His way of looking at anyone was ever so light and warm. Genuine. Hoseok made you feel unique without even trying to, made you feel seen. Jimin loved that about him, but what made him fold was that damn fire he carried. Hoseok knew how to rile him up, how to call him out. Always saw right through Jimin, never shying away from anything.
Where everyone saw a breeze in Hoseok, Jimin saw a storm.
‘‘Is this what you want?’’ Hoseok punctuated his question, now deliberately grinding is dick against the plush clothed skin, “Are you sure?’’
‘‘Y-yes.’’ Jimin did his best to swallow his moan, ‘‘Wanna feel…want my hyungs to take care of me,’’ just admitting it sent shivers down Jimin’s spine, causing some teardrops to roll down his cheeks.
‘‘No one really took care of you the way you deserve, huh princess?’’ whispered Hoseok, lips meeting the wet trail making Jimin shudder. Jimin shook his head no, arching his back even more, pulling Namjoon closer who didn't seem to object one bit, watching the exchange silently, carefully. He was such a vision like this, and having the attention on both him and Hoseok, stirred a newfound desire, leaving Jimin breathless when he shuddered.
‘‘No one. N-no one can take care of me.’’
Not like you do.
“Such a shame,’’ repeated Hoseok as Namjoon groaned in agreement.
Hoseok’s hand left Jimin’s hair, wiping the other tear gently with his thumb. The mere gesture was enough to make Jimin’s heart explode, but he certainly didn’t expect the thumb to trace the entrance of his lower lip. Jimin parted his mouth easily, letting Hoseok rub the salty pad of his thumb on his tongue. He did it a few times before sneaking his hand underneath Jimin’s shirt, finding its way back to his nipples. ‘‘D’you trust us, Minnie?’’
‘‘Y-yes,’’ Jimin forced himself to give them eye-contact, to make sure his message was as clear as possible. ‘‘More than anything, or a-anyone.’’ There was no dwelling on it, but Hoseok was right; no one ever took care of him. No one ever made Jimin feel as safe as he did now, never spawned half of the pleasure he was feeling now. He wanted them, he wasn’t going to change his mind.
Jimin felt the warmth of Hoseok lips first, grazing his neck. Ghosting over the flesh before kissing it, languorous in the action. It had him trembling already, he couldn’t even conceal it. Hoseok let out a heavy sigh, hot against his neck, cock dragging against his ass cheek. His thumb started working Jimin’s nipple sending thousands of little sparks of arousal. Jimin’s head fell back as bliss melted him, bringing his face closer to Hoseok, noses almost bumping.
Namjoon was still watching them, hand on Jimin’s waist was traveling to his stomach, rubbing the tender spot before trailing down, cupping him. Jimin let out another silent cry, appreciating Namjoon for wasting no time. Appreciating his big fucking hand, palming him through the thin layer, sending a kaleidoscope of butterflies in his lower belly.
‘‘’Minnie are… are you okay with kissing?’’ asked Namjoon, voice quiet, eyes sparkling.
Jimin’s heavy gaze shifted between the two, before dropping to the object of his affection; those lips.
Oh, how he made up so many scenarios in the past, about their first kiss. Cuddling turning into a make out session was high on his list, but this? The three of them, entangled together, restless and aroused...This might not be the full on romance Jimin dreamed about, but he knew this was as close as he was ever gonna get.
‘‘Think you can wait your turn this time?’’ jeered Hoseok, a cute smirk plastered on. Jimin watched Namjoon nod enthusiastically, reaction puzzling him… it was as if he was dying to watch, dying for them to kiss almost just as much as Jimin did.
Covering the little distance, chest tingling with anticipation, Jimin pressed their mouths together. Hoseok hummed happily, lingering before lapping at his lower lip, nibbling the spot right before deepening the kiss. His fingers were still teasing his nipple, sending ripples of pleasure to his crotch. Even Namjoon’s hand tightened around his length at the sight, yanking a weak whimper out of Jimin. Hoseok viewed it as a chance, tip of his tongue teasing Jimin’s repeatedly before licking the roof of his mouth.
Jimin felt caught in the most delicious whirlwind of passion. Desire engulfed him, causing his cock to twitch, precum ruining his shorts so much so Namjoon probably felt it on his palm.
‘‘Wow....’’ groaned Namjoon and that made Jimin feel greedy, hand pulling on Namjoon's shirt, bringing his face close enough so that he could lunge towards his lips too, entrap him in that same whirlwind, desperate to share the madness he was experiencing. Hoseok kissed with excitement, with mischievousness but Namjoon was slow, strong. Leading by cupping Jimin’s face instantly with his free hand while the other one worked his length and god, he loved them so much.
If only this could last.
‘‘We’re gonna take care of you, baby,’’ muttered Namjoon against his lips, lustful eyes staring deep into Jimin who could only nod eagerly, a pathetic ‘please’ leaving his now swollen lips before they were captured again.
It went like that for a while. They were all over him. Jimin’s brain was fogging, losing track of time. Usually, when he had sex, Jimin was always on alert. There was always distrust looming low in his heart, eagerness to be done with it. To come and flee out the door. This feeling never wavered, no matter who he was, no matter what they were doing to him. Yet with them, all it took was a few touches, a few kisses and Jimin could barely tell up from down.
He only knew about the hands that were on him, the lips sliding against his, stealing every breath, every whimper.
Just like earlier, they moved as one. Flowing like water, engulfing Jimin in their attention, making him a priority.
If only this was real…
(♡)
He didn’t know when he ended up fully laying down on his bed. Jimin didn’t know at what point they rid him of his shorts, freeing his leaking cock and leaving it to stand flat against his belly all pink, tip glistening with precum. Both of them were hovering over him, Hoseok at his side, Namjoon kneeling between his legs. Both covering his body with kisses, hands roaming everywhere leaving trails of fire in the process. All he could do was grip the sheets, welcome all the delicious sensations, though his hand flew to Hoseok’s hair when he started nibbling at his nipple, fingers playing with the other one.
‘‘Knew you were sensitive here,’’ whispered Hoseok, even the proximity of his breath ghosting over it made Jimin quiver, proving Hoseok’s point. With a low chuckle, Hoseok played with the bud on his tongue, pinching the other, loving watching Jimin unravel under his touch. ‘‘It’s so fucking cute, right Joonie?’’
Namjoon hummed against the skin of Jimin’s tummy, leaving a playful bite before dragging his lips further down south. ‘‘The cutest, wanna eat him up,’’ with such seriousness behind his voice it managed to make Jimin blush.
Whatever answer he wasn’t even prepared to say turned into a strangled moan as Namjoon’s belly kisses made their way to his cockhead. Jimin’s breath stopped when Namjoon licked a strip against the length, up to the tip, making him arch into the touch. Namjoon graced him with a few more kisses before taking the flushed head in his mouth, sucking hungrily, tongue lapping at the slit. Namjoon’s head began bobbing up and down, swallowing him easily, satisfied with how Jimin’s hips twisted until he held him in place. Determined to take him apart. Paired with Hoseok’s tongue all over his chest, Jimin knew he wasn’t going to last long.
As if drawing a similar conclusion, Namjoon released his cock with a wet pop, scooting back further on the bed.
Missing the contact instantly, Jimin frowned when Hoseok’s lips abandoned him as well. His protests died as soon as Hoseok slid behind him, now sitting against the headboard dragging Jimin between his legs as if he weighed nothing, resting his head against his chest.
Before Jimin could ask what was happening, Namjoon was grabbing the back of his knees, lifting them up enough so that they’d touch Jimin’s torso, brazenly almost folding him in two. Namjoon swore again, both hands roaming the back of his thighs, grabbing the plush of his ass, squeezing.
Treasuring.
‘‘Liking the view, Joonie?’’ teased Hoseok, hand’s back to his chest, furtive peck on the crown of his head. Grazing the now reddened nipples teasingly.
‘‘Loving it,’’ Namjoon's serious tone made Hoseok chuckle and Jimin shiver. He kinda liked it, when they talked about him like he wasn’t there. ‘‘Wanna see all of you…’’ he licked the inside of Jimin’s thigh, nibbling a spot that had Jimin jerk his hips. Hoseok’s free hand wandered up Jimin’s chest, shadowing over his throat before two digits were waiting diligently at his lips.
Jimin opened and closed his mouth around them, watching Namjoon’s eyes twinkle as he looked up at the pair. He swirled his tongue around, wetting them as best as possible. Jimin had no idea why, but he couldn’t care less, he loved having his mouth stuffed, and he trusted that whatever was coming next would be heavenly.
‘‘D’you wanna see…’’ Hoseok slid his drenched fingers out carefully before caressing Jimin’s hole, making him writhe against him, spreading the saliva in little circular motions. Namjoon’s grip stilled on Jimin’s thighs, enthralled by Hoseok’s movements.
‘‘Or do you wanna taste?’’ Namjoon blushed, cheeks red, eyes fluttering shut.
Hoseok was making a show of him.
A show Namjoon apparently couldn’t get enough of.
‘‘’Seokkie...that’s not fair.…’’ Hoseok only snickered, taking his hand back, finding Jimin's chest again while Namjoon’s voice trembled when he asked him, ‘‘Can...can I eat you out? I just…I’ve been wanting to...’’ Namjoon lost track of his words, distracted by the two orbs of flesh he was cupping in his hands, looking as if he just discovered fire. Hoseok's chuckle was far in the distance and Namjoon shook his head, attempting to gather his thoughts. ‘‘Fuck, can I?’’
And it was the soft way he asked, the eager look on his face, puppy eyes almost desperate for it. Jimin knew he could refuse, knew there wasn’t an ounce of pressure in this room. They were so attentive and giving, careful with him. Even in his fantasies, Jimin never thought it was a possibility for them to want him this much. For Namjoon to appear as if his world would crumble if he couldn’t eat his ass, just this once.
His own hands covered Namjoon who let go of him, looking puzzled. Jimin's eyes remained fixated on him as he spread his cheeks, the cold air of the night paired with the attention, making the muscle of his hole twitch.
‘‘Jesus christ,’’ muttered Hoseok, Jimin’s chest swelled with pride at the praise, at Hoseok’s dick pulsing against his back. He wanted to give them absolutely everything. Namjoon, like a man possessed, inched his face closer.
‘‘Oh, ‘Minnie...You’re so pretty…pretty everywhere…,” croaked Namjoon, voice latent with admiration, ‘‘Be good and squeeze it again for me?’’
Jimin did as he was told, heat taking over him as he clenched his exposed hole again, knowing Namjoon was full on staring, mouth inches away.
‘‘Fuck, baby. You’re being so so good for us,’’ cooed Namjoon in between kisses and soft bites on the back of Jimin’s thigh, towards his ass, nearing his hole. ‘‘Spreading his little ass just for hyung.’’ Jimin keened, dirty praises going straight to his dick.
Pressing his nose against his perineum, Namjoon took his time licking the first stripe over the tender puckered flesh, soft in a way that had Jimin dissolved under his tongue, melting against Hoseok's chest. Namjoon moaned shamelessly, each lick more daring than the next, building Jimin’s pleasure up by savoring every inch of him. ‘‘So good,’’ he whined between Jimin’s cheeks, ‘‘Taste even better than what I imagined.’’
Imagined?
Jimin didn’t even have time to ponder as Namjoon’s fat tongue was lapping at his hole with abandon. The new sensation turned him to mush, Namjoon was making him feel every touch, treating eating his ass as the most precious task. He ate hungrily and Jimin suddenly understood why he talked about it with such passion. Namjoon was so heated with it, he rendered Jimin useless, the grip on his own ass slipping until Namjoon's hands now covered his, spreading him even further apart. Hoseok let out a dark chuckle, reaching down to his boyfriend’s hair.
‘‘Isn’t Joonie beautiful like this?’’ he asked against Jimin’s ear, ‘‘He gets so eager.’’ To emphasize, Hoseok gripped Namjoon’s head, shoving his face further into Jimin’s ass, causing them both to groan at the pressure. Namjoon didn’t stop, let Hoseok hold him there, relentlessly working his tongue deeper past Jimin’s rim. The fucking sight of Hoseok releasing him, Namjoon gasping for air, his pretty mouth shiny and slick had Jimin weak.
“Feel’s good princess?’’ whispered Hoseok kissing his neck to his cheeks, doubling down on making Jimin feel heavenly, taken care of. He was still petting Namjoon’s head, a touch that Jimin appreciated, faintly thinking how he loved seeing them together.
A trembling ‘‘Mhm,’’ was all Jimin could muster. He managed until now to ease off the noises. That was the one thing he had a harder time letting go of, not trusting himself with what he might say, how wrecked he might sound.
With Namjoon’s sharp tongue way past his rim, warm wet and dragging inside of him, he didn’t know how much longer he could hold off.
‘‘’Mhm?’’ mocked Hoseok, nibbling at his sensitive lobe, “Did I imagine all those sweet sounds you made? Why so shy now?’’
‘‘Dunno...I only make noises w-when i'm alone.’’
‘‘What'd you think about when you're alone?’’ Jimin kept his mouth shut, almost losing it when he felt lubed fingers caress his sensitive hole again.
When did Namjoon get the lube from his drawer was a mystery but Jimin couldn't care right now, not when Namjoon's slender digit slipped in so easily, making him hiss then sob. Meeting no resistance, he added another one, slowing down the pace, letting Jimin adjust a bit.
‘‘Princess, you wanna be good for your hyungs, no?’’ Hoseok was gently grabbing Jimin's chin, demanding his attention. Despite his teasing voice there was a hardness in his eyes Jimin couldn't understand, an anticipation. ‘‘What are you thinking about when you're alone, huh? When you're jerking that pretty little cock of yours? What is it that makes you sound so beautiful?’’ Jimin preened at Hoseok's words, mind clouding with Namjoon being two knuckles deep inside of him now, gaze intent on him, so close to grazing his prostate. He, too, arbored a heaviness in his features, something other than lust that Jimin couldn’t pinpoint. It made his heart squeeze, ready to leap out of his throat.
Could he…
What if…
Jimin shook his head, averting Hoseok’s eyes.
No, there’s no way.
‘’Jimin-ah, look at me-’’ Hoseok’s finger tightened a bit on his chin, it wasn't a question anymore, but a command. Eyes threatening to spill, Jimin obeyed. The look they shared made his weak resolve falter. ‘‘Whatever you’re scared of, I promise, it’s okay.’’
‘‘T-think about you,’’ admitted Jimin, eyes closing as he felt his lips tremble, felt the barrage cracking, breaking with an overwhelming force, ‘‘Thinking about my hyungs, alw- always-’’ Hoseok lips crashed against his as Namjoon’s pace stilled. Jimin let out a sob but kissed him back fervently, holding on to whatever strong energy emanated from him right now. When Hoseok pulled back he rested his forehead against Jimin’s temple, breathless.
‘‘Oh Jimin…Jimin Jimin Jimin…God- d’you hear that Joon?’’
Namjoon was wiping his mouth with his fore-arm, leaning closer to them before capturing Jimin’s mouth, same hunger as when they first kissed earlier. The finger inside of him began moving again, in and out, savoring its journey, still shying away from his prostate.
‘‘Ah-! Wait- Y-you, you’re not mad?’’ whimpered Jimin gripping Namjoon’s bicep for balance as he picked up the pace between his legs. Namjoon rested his forehead shaking his head as tears seemed to prickle his eyes.
‘‘Baby…We’ve been waiting.’’
What?
Hoseok was back to kissing his neck, cheeks, peppering him with affection while Namjoon’s nibbled on his lower lip.
Did he miss something?
‘‘Waiting?’’ Jimin’s throat was closing up, millions of emotions hitting him, this couldn’t be. He looked at Namjoon through his wet eyelashes ‘‘For me?’’ That seemed to have a devastating effect on Namjoon, who kissed him again, pulled in like a magnet. Done was the teasing as he began to fuck inside of him mercilessly, taunting that bundle of nerve with abandon. And Jimin could only cry, only feel. Moaning loudly, he was meeting Namjoon’s every move, strong rhythm jostling his body, grinding it against Hoseok's still hard cock, yanking delicious groans out of him in the process.
‘‘You have no fucking- idea,’’ said Namjoon, his fingers still unforgivingly poking that same spot again and again. Hoseok captured his lips, with so much affection, so much love. It was too much, it was all too much.
“Let go, it’s okay,’’ Hoseok breathed between kisses, “You’re safe with us. Always.’’
Jimin stiffened, letting out a surprised wail, whole body tensing on Namjoon’s fingers. His vision blurred white, as cum pooled in his navel, dripping down his belly. Spasm overtook him, leaving him limp against Hoseok and it took a little while for Jimin to come back to his senses.
‘‘I-I’m sorry.’’ Jimin didn’t even know why he was apologizing, didn’t even know why he was crying, but he couldn’t stop anymore, couldn't hold anything in. Hoseok was stroking his hair while Namjoon placed one last kiss on the tip of his nose before carefully pulling his fingers out. Jimin winced at the loss.‘‘You have nothing to apologize for…’’
‘‘Came so beautifully, it’s okay, everything is fine.’’
They stayed like this, intertwined, comforting him, covering him with kisses. Jimin felt too much to process anything, his cock was already chubbing up again between his thighs, a thing that never happened to him and he couldn't even find it in himself to be shocked, too sluggish with want.
“Want more. P-please,’’ he whispered in Namjoon’s neck.
‘‘Maybe we should talk–’’
‘‘Can’t think, not now. P-please I…I’ve been waiting too, so long,’’ he pleaded, voice trembling. Maybe he should’ve felt pathetic for begging like this but he couldn’t even commit to self-loathing. Not when the people he loved the most hinted at returning his feelings, his desires. His hand traveled towards Namjoon’s cock and fuck, of course he was huge. Namjoon hissed at the touch, gripping his wrist without much conviction.
Jimin hissed, surprised by the dull pain. Namjoon frowned, eyes falling down before turning Jimin’s small hand over, revealing his red painted skin.
Finger marks. From earlier.
Jimin felt his stomach churning at the sight.
In the midst of all of this, it seemed like he wasn’t the only one who forgot about tonight’s incident. Jimin stared at the bruise to be. His wrist, so delicate in Namjoon’s large hands. Before he could say anything, Namjoon lifted his hand slowly, bringing the wrist to his mouth, kissing it so gently. Hoseok’s eyes followed the gesture too, bending slowly to press his lips at the exact same spot. He then caressed Namjoon’s cheek before they exchanged a kiss, all the tenderness in the world behind the gesture, behind the smile they shared afterwards…They were perfect together, looked so right. Jimin always thought so, but now he could truly appreciate it. Without the bitterness, without the jealousy. When that tenderness was directed at him, when Hoseok moved closer, eyes shining, bringing their lips together... Sincere, intimate. Jimin felt it. Felt himself mesh with them in the way he desired the most.
It caused tears to flow again and at this point, Jimin vaguely wondered if he were to spend the rest of his night crying. Though the sky turning brighter by the minute indicated that night was coming to an end.
But Jimin didn’t want it to end. Didn’t have enough.
‘‘Please, I want you,’’ he repeated more firmly, yet they both still seemed hesitant, especially Namjoon, ever the protector, probably deeming him too fragile.
Jimin whined at the silence before taking the matter in his own hands again. Freeing himself from their embrace, forcing Namjoon to back away a bit on the bed in the process, Jimin turned around on all four. Facing Hoseok, he kissed him languorously, stealing whatever he was about to say by licking into his mouth. When he pulled away he was more than pleased to see him a little frazzled, eager to watch Hoseok’s reaction when he bent down even further, until his cheeks nuzzled the inside of his plush thigh. Arching his back perfectly, presenting his ass shamelessly to Namjoon who’s swearing echoed in the room.
‘‘Fuck, are…are you sure?’’
Jimin peaked over his shoulder, buzzing satisfaction at Namjoon’s disbelief, his erection still tenting his shorts, betraying all his determination. An adorable look on him.
‘‘Please…Wanna be full,’’ his eyes darted back to Hoseok, darkened expression growing in intensity when Jimin rubbed his cheek against his hard cock, wishing his shorts would be out of the way already. Hoseok’s hand flew to his hair as he groaned.
‘‘Look at you…What a fucking menace.’’ There was shuffling behind him but Jimin couldn’t pay attention, Hoseok was grinding his hips slowly, rubbing his dick against his cheek. ‘‘You’re, fuck you never gonna stop driving me up the fucking wall, huh?’’ Jimin preened at the accusation, sighing happily, meeting Hoseok’s trust, stealing kisses and messy licks where he knew the head was. It felt so good to be able to let go like this. To leave his pride at the door, to submit so easily. Jimin never felt so naked in his actions and he still had his shirt on. He’d never do that for someone else, he never did. And after tonight, he had the most incredible impression that he wouldn’t have to anymore.
The thought made him fucking dizzy.
A dip in the bed indicated Namjoon was kneeling behind him, making Jimin’s heart race. Jimin wished he could see him, but his mind was too foggy, body too reckless, craving for his mouth to be stuffed. Jimin was nothing but want, driven by over a year of pent up desire. A lifetime of mistreatment. All inhibition finally out the window, he was hit with a sort of freedom he wasn't sure he understood but made him crazy with excitement. He’d get to see Namjoon fucking him eventually, he’d get Hoseok. God he’d get to see them go at each other. An image he could finally let himself relish in without his heart breaking into a million pieces.
Hoseok was pushing the band of his shorts down, tucking it under his balls and his cock looked so pretty. Smaller than Namjoon, bigger and longer than his own, tip angry red from the severe lack of attention. Jimin felt himself fucking salivate. When he looked up his heart skipped a beat; Hoseok was staring at him, a delicious smirk plastered on.
‘‘Is your mouth watering, Princess?’’ Jimin whimpered, hole clenching at being called out like this, at the nick-name. He nodded, eager for transparency earning himself a smirk. Namjoon’s hand was stroking his back now, helping him arch himself even more, his bare cock was rubbing on the soft flesh of his perky ass, then right between his cheeks grunting from the sensation before pressing at his entrance and again, Jimin was so grateful for Namjoon not wasting time.
Maybe they were more impatient than he believed.
‘‘Baby, if at any point you wanna stop, tell us.’’ Namjoon said, voice strained.
Hoseok hummed in agreement and Jimin uttered a loud enough ‘yes’, even if there was no doubt in his mind that he’d never want them to stop.
Namjoon held him open with both hands, pushing his cock past his rim where his tongue was minutes ago. Both sighed happily at meeting little resistance, at finally being connected in the most intimate way. The burn of the stretch felt divine, so did the languorous drag of his dick when Namjoon bottomed out, it had Jimin moan loudly, arching his back at his limit.
‘‘You’re so pretty together like this,’’ whined Hoseok, fisting his dick slowly, watching Namjoon begin a steady rhythm. Jimin was so full, pleasure curling his belly as Namjoon’s cock hit all the right spots. Jimin took advantage of his slow pace to nuzzle Hoseok’s crotch again, looking at him with pleading eyes, mouth falling open.
‘‘Fucking hell... that just for me?’’ Holding it firmly by the base, Hoseok rubbed his cock against the corner of Jimin’s lip, right where he drooled. He slapped his bottom lip once, twice with the heavy length before dragging it against his tongue. Jimin closed his mouth around the tip, sucking ardently before dropping his head lower, meeting him halfway until Hoseok was loged in his throat. Namjoon picked up the pace to Jimin’s satisfaction.
‘‘You feel so tight, so fucking-hn’’ whine Namjoon, fingers digging into his hip for balance, making him see stars at every turn.
‘‘So perfect. Beautiful, being so good for me, Princess.’’ Hoseok was nothing but babbles, both hands in Jimin’s hair, brows furrowed in twisted pleasure, composure gone. Namjoon was relentless, groans getting louder and louder, so did their skin, slapping together. Every move was dead-on his prostate, bringing him closer to the edge again in no time. All three were so lost at that point, in their arousal, in each other. When Hoseok pulled Jimin off his cock by his hair, he felt like he was floating, Hoseok was fisting himself rapidly.
‘‘Love that fucking gorgeous mouth. Been wanting it- fuck-’’ Hoseok aimed his dick towards Jimin’s mouth again who suckled on the tip, elated when Hoseok’s whole body tensed, when his lips parted but no sound came out, hot cum filling Jimin’s mouth, dripping down his throat. Jimin swallowed every last bit, humming with content. Enamoured by how fucking beautiful Hoseok was when he came. Hoseok’s hand slipped out of his hair, whole body going lax.
That had Namjoon picking up the pace, circling an arm around his midsection to pull Jimin towards him, back against his chest. Never slowing his hard thrusts, repeated assault on his prostate, making sure every single move of his hips sent thousands of little electric shocks across his entire body. Jimin let his head fall back, crying louder and louder when Namjoon's hand circled around his cock.
‘‘M’close,’’ whined Jimin ‘‘So close, hyung.’’ Namjoon groaned at that, burying his face in Jimin’s neck.
‘‘Yeah? H-hyung filling you up good?’’
‘‘P-perfectly,’’ mewled Jimin feeling out of it, continued pressure on his g-spot making him lose his mind. Namjoon’s hips staggered at Jimin’s praise, encouraging him, ‘‘Fills me up so good, want hyung’s c-cum, want it inside-” That seemed to be the tipping point as Namjoon let out a deep, pained whine, cock pulsing inside Jimin who followed him not long after, giving it up at the feel of Namjoon’s cum, warm from his hole and dripping down his shaking thighs.
They toppled on the bed together and as everyone was catching their breath, Hoseok was the first to move. He kissed both their foreheads before heading to the bathroom, coming back with fresh moist towels and tissues. Hoseok and Namjoon washed themselves quickly before giving all their care to Jimin, cleaning him, making sure he was okay.
The sun was rising, taunting them with the evidence of their all nighter. It peaked through Jimin’s window, shining a light on all the clothes lying around, on their tired but satiated faces.
They sat in silence, comfortable. The floating feeling hadn’t left Jimin yet and he was grateful for their tendency to let these moments linger, be appreciated. Jimin glanced at Namjoon who was staring back, beautiful honey skin, basking in the sunrise, drowsy eyes so affectionate it made his heart leap. Namjoon intertwined their fingers together, smiling sheepishly and Jimin felt his heart ache in the best way. Hoseok was watching them, a lazy smile painted on, fingers tracing Namjoon’s bicep, to his forearms to his hand, only to repeat the trajectory up Jimin’s.
Was this how life was gonna be now?
As usual, Hoseok was the first one to break the silence;
‘‘You know this summer, when you wouldnt stop jerking off?’’ Despite the vague flush on his cheeks, Jimin nodded, ‘‘First time me and Joon did anything… was while we listened to you,’’ Hoseok continued, expression careful, eyes darting to Namjoon for reassurance. ‘‘Even if we felt bad, and honestly a bit creepy… We just couldn’t stop it. Every time you started going at it… so did we. That’s kind of how we discovered we had feelings for each other…and for you.”
Jimin's eyes were watering again, heart melting.
‘‘When we told you we got together…we wanted to confess too…But that look on your face… It just…made us both chicken out,’’whispered Namjoon, face twisting painfully at the memory, ‘‘Especially me, I…really thought this was it. That we were crazy to even think this would work.’’
‘‘Then you started sleeping around….’’ Jimin winced at that, a fucking idiot he was, ‘‘so we decided to hold off...Joon was pretty discouraged but I thought maybe....I’m sorry this is gonna sound horrible. I was probably just hurt enough to think you were maybe like… doing it for attention….I know, I’m an asshole for even-’’ Hoseok’s phrase died in his throat at the way Jimin averted his gaze.
‘’Fuck, you were?’’ he shook his head, and Jimin wanted to beg for forgiveness, aware of how horrible this made him look. Scared he might lose everything over it, but Hoseok appeared more amused than angry, chuckling to himself before squeezing Jimin in a weak hug, ‘‘My petty, little brat.’’
‘‘I’m sorry...’’
‘‘Don’t be. None of it matters anymore.’’ assured Hoseok, lazy lips on his temple. Pulling an all nighter, mixed with all the high emotions was taking a toll on all three.
‘‘Since we met it’s always been us three. And I love Hobi so much ... but you bring us together… we’re complete with you,’’ confessed Namjoon and Jimin let the tears spill one last time, heart on the verge of giving out. Drowning in affection, exhausted in love he’d never thought he’d receive. Validated in all those times he lost sleep over what went wrong, sick with wondering why they still catered to him, why they kept making him feel so special. Comforted in knowing he finally found his heart. In knowing he could give himself completely, could experience love the way Jimin believed he deserved. They shushed him quickly, trading his worry for kisses, petting his hair, his back. Soothing him.
There wasn't a place for pain anymore. Jimin was okay. It wasn’t him against the world, feeling foolish for being in love. It was the three of them. Together.
There was time for more endless talks. Time for his wrist to heal and never bear a stranger's print ever again. Time for more cuddle puddles, for saturday night dinners. There was space for Jimin in their lives.
And so, Jimin drifted to sleep, thankful for them, for their flimsy apartment and it’s paper thin walls.