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It started small and unnoticeable back during Mid-November. Just an increased feeling of being tired, nothing more than that. Truly Miles had no reason to fret over simply being more drowsy than usual.
The cause could’ve been him merely overworking again. Phoenix had nagged him thoroughly about how he was overworking himself again, which to be fair, he was for good reason. Miles wasn’t going to let his work get in the way of the upcoming holidays with his darling husband and wonderful daughter. Normally he would choose to miss either Thanksgiving or Christmas and whatever he didn’t choose would be the holiday he would spend time off on. This time around, however, he would make sure to be there for every moment to relax and breathe in the fact that, yes, he has a family.
Sometimes that still was hard to believe. Himself, married to Phoenix Wright after everything. After Phoenix’s disbarment, after the Dark Age of the Law came to end, after everything that happened in the Kingdom of Khura’in.
After all these chaotic stress-inducing adventures, here Miles is now, married to the love of his life after they finally stopped being moronic fools as Franziska likes to put it. Here he is now, watching his now daughter Trucy show the world her wonders and smile. Here he is now, feeling fuller than ever before having gotten all that his heart desires. Having gotten to a point of comfort where he doesn’t need to doubt whether he deserves this or not. If he did, Phoenix would be there to tell him otherwise and smother him with enough love to make him forget what the issue was in the first place.
It’s just so easy to melt any and all worries away when a body the heat of the sun with a smile that’s priceless stares and holds you close and tightly, whispering sweet yet silly nothings into your ear. Whispers such simple words that tackle and destroy complex arguments and walls. Truly, Phoenix Wright is a wonder of a husband. Miles loves it.
So really, having less than normal energy wasn’t something for Miles to worry about. There were plenty of reasons why he could have been feeling this way. Something as simple as Phoenix’s loud snoring at night could have easily been the cause that made him so tired in the first place, or the recent visit from Larry that definitely gave him a massive headache the whole time.
But the lack of energy didn’t go away after a few days. In fact, it only seemed to worsen even after Miles made sure to get proper rest and sleep. Now instead of just being tired, he was beginning to feel his stomach ache and twist in cruel ways. A symptom much worse than merely feeling less energetic.
Even then, Miles still didn’t buy it. He reasoned the Thanksgiving dinner just didn’t sit well with him and his stomach was merely overly stuffed. After all, Phoenix had cooked his mouth watering ham recipe that could bring about world peace if everyone had a bite. Miles probably just didn’t realize he ate way too much ham, nothing more than that!
While it sucked not enjoying the leftovers thanks to his stomach pain, Phoenix at the very least sat with him when he had a heating pad on his stomach to soothe the ache as Trucy had recommended. Like always, he was with Miles every step of the way whenever he didn’t have work to do. Having someone else, Miles knows now, makes a lot of things more tolerable. Miles was sure he was going to be feeling better in no time.
But then December quickly approached…
Miles’ least favorite month of the year made its returning debut on the wall calendar that hung in the kitchen. It was at this point that everything came crashing down on Miles like things normally did when it came to him. The wintery month, as per usual, would show no mercy towards him.
Right away, in the back of his head, Miles was already counting down the days till the date of a certain anniversary that would be a major stab to his heart. This he knew was unavoidable, as the subject would always be there to torment his mind until the day he dies. While Phoenix would try and do his best to comfort Miles in small ways all throughout the month, there would always be a sting leading up to the anniversary, like background static. Sometimes it became unbearable and overwhelming, but time had allowed Miles to usually keep it to just a background static.
December also always, no matter what, brings horrific varied nightmares. It was no longer just little Miles stuck in an elevator with his Father’s corpse. No-no-no, his nightmares had evolved to twist and warp other things that belong to Miles’ past. Whether that be putting Phoenix behind bars back during 2016, harsh and endless beratement from his fellow Prosecutors, the lives of the people he found guilty, all of it began making its way into the nightmares during this one specific month.
While a nightmare about Phoenix dying next to his Father in an elevator while Manfred and his coworkers laugh like it’s nothing may wake Miles up in absolute panic still… Nightmares can’t beat or win against Phoenix’s comforting methods. Nightmares can’t possibly take away the reality of Phoenix’s love and hugs and kisses and back rubs in the middle of the night. It’s one of the many things that Miles loves about the ridiculous man. How even half awake, he’s coherent enough to still calm Miles without a single clue as to what may be wrong. His presence alone is all that is needed, and Miles is able to fall back asleep afterwards now instead of having to stay awake in a constant state of worry and alarm.
With all this in mind, Miles was still prepared and anticipating early on to enjoy a festive month with Phoenix and Trucy. He was ready to watch Phoenix attempt to bake cookies with him only to catch him sampling the uncooked cookie dough. He was ready to help Trucy get dressed in her winter outfits and take her to go build a family of snowmen outside their house. He was ready to sit by the fireplace with the three of them and drink hot cocoa by the warm fire while he snuggles with the ones closest to him and melts in pure happiness with the life he has now.
He was ready to do things his former trauma-driven self was too scared of doing, and that was to actually enjoy the holidays. To be by his closest friends and family. To not work or stress about the impending date and let himself be anything but down in the dumps thinking about every past mistake of his life. This year was going to be the year he fully embraced all of this, and he was excited!!
…Then came the first coughing fit. Miles was just reading a book themed around Christmas on the couch when he felt his breathing go a little funny. Moments later he was letting out a whole orchestra of coughs, his lungs burning painfully by the time he finished.
As he gasped for air to breathe again, Phoenix had taken notice fast from the kitchen, and hesitantly asked him, “You good Miles? You’re beginning to sound like me back in College.”
Miles cleared his throat, realizing there was an itch in the back that would be of annoyance. Still, he responded back to Phoenix nonchalantly, “I’m fine, Phoenix. Just an itch in the back of my throat is all. Nothing to be too concerned about.”
Still, even with that reassurance, Phoenix voiced his concerns gently. “Miles, may I remind you of the fact that you were in pain about your stomach hurting a couple of days ago. I’m just saying, I’m beginning to think that some illness may be developing with you…”
“Nonsense, me loving your Thanksgiving ham is nothing out of the ordinary, and you know that. This coughing fit is just merely a one time occurrence, Phoenix.”
Then of course after saying that, Miles began coughing more frequently, all of which had Phoenix staring at him to make sure he was alright. As expected, the itch in the back of his throat didn’t go away, taunting him the entire day and causing him to cough. Miles didn’t bother fighting Phoenix when the man handed him a cough drop before bed.
…
The first nightmare of the month came that night, waking him up unpleasantly with a runny nose. The nightmare was already different, consisting of Trucy falling into an icy lake that cracked beneath her while she was trying to do some sort of magic trick, with Miles jumping in after her to try and reach her only for him to get lost in the darkness with a lack of oxygen. It was of no surprise he woke up from that, but it was a surprise for him to be having another coughing fit, one that lasted a lot longer than the others. It did nothing to ease his panicked state, as he was desperate to breathe in air.
“Hey hey, shhh… Everything is okay, dear.” A gentle drowsy voice instructed, a hand firmly holding his own. “Finish coughing and there’s plenty of air to provide you relief. I promise...”
When Miles did stop coughing, the cold air of their bedroom had never felt so good down his sore throat. It was at this point when he diagnosed himself with more symptoms, mostly as a way for himself to calm down. Not only was his stomach beginning to cramp again, but Miles also noted that his nose was runny, oozing what seemed to be a clear fluid.
This is quite disgusting. Not to mention something that appears to be quite the constant at the moment. Greatttt… Of course Phoenix would be on to something when he thought something was wrong with me.
A few minutes of focusing on concentrating breathing later, Phoenix who was now more awake and aware asked Miles the routine question of, “Do you need anything, Miles? Water, hugs, reassurances, anything?”
Miles was tempted to ask for some medicine for his runny nose, but he ended up not saying a thing about it thinking it was just some random symptom popping out of nowhere that, like everything else, would disappear soon. Instead, he quietly asked Phoenix, “Can we quietly go check up on Trucy in her room…?”
Phoenix’s eyes widened in realization, seemingly already forming in his head exactly what Miles’ nightmare was about. After all, this was a habit his husband did when an out of nowhere nightmare would haunt him. Trucy dying in their nightmares is all too common and will always leave a metaphorical scar for the both of them.
Quietly the two made their way to Trucy’s room to check up on her, Phoenix making sure they avoid any floorboards that are known to creak loudly. Phoenix joked quietly to Miles, “This’ll be our practice for Santa… If we can sneak to Trucy’s room, we can sneak anywhere…!”
Miles quietly chuckled in response, and smiled watching his ridiculous husband nearly trip on air while trying to sneak around. Miles feared that dear old Santa’s back might be getting too painful to go down their house’s chimney.
Good thing Trucy will be baking cookies for Santa. He can’t refuse cookies and a glass of milk being laid out for him. Plus the carrots she leaves out will surely be enough to get him to go eat what she leaves on the tray for him. No amount of back pain will ever keep Phoenix away from giving Trucy any sort of happiness.
When they reached Trucy’s room, Miles was the one to crack open her door and look inside. Trucy had her bunny night light illuminate the room showing she was sleeping soundly on her bed snoring just like her Father, with some soft music that was referred to as lofee??? playing on her phone. Miles let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding.
She’s alright. She’s sleeping like an angel cuddling the Blue Badger plush that Gumshoe got her last year. She’s alive and likely dreaming…
Miles, feeling relieved smiled, to himself seeing how everything was alright. Phoenix must’ve felt the tension leave Miles as he didn’t miss the way Phoenix’s hand snuck to get a grip on his waist, pulling Miles closer to Phoenix’s warm body. He’s always so warm… So comforting…
Just as Miles was about to close the door and sneak back to the bedroom with Phoenix to likely go cuddle with him for a bit, the itch in the back of Miles’ throat wanted to make itself known again, in a loud roaring way. Instantly Miles started coughing again, which Phoenix backed away on instinct not wanting to get sick himself. Trucy’s bed creaked and shifted, and a quiet, “…Papa…?” could be heard from inside the bedroom. Thankfully Phoenix went inside to go distract her while Miles went to the kitchen to go fetch a glass of water and another cough drop.
Traitorous throat making me wake up Trucy… Oh how I despise having a heavy cough. Truly one of the worst common symptoms to have next to a sore throat and nausea.
A few minutes later, Phoenix joined Miles in the kitchen looking concerned once again. First, however, Phoenix informed Miles about Trucy and what he did with her in there.
“She was just confused why we were checking up on her. I told her we were just checking up on her to make sure she was okay, and like usual she cleverly figured out why we really were there, but of course she didn’t bring up the topic. She did want me to give you this for the night though dear.”
Phoenix handed Miles a gray tabby kitty plushie named “Mr. Meows” that Trucy knitted together. It was her version of Miles for when he wasn’t there during Phoenix’s disbarment. Apparently it was one of her favorite plushies growing up according to Phoenix. Mr. Meows being described by Trucy as a very famous elegant kitty who loves tea and magic tricks. Miles can’t help but chuckle every time he sees the plushie, already knowing why it even exists in the first place.
It’s reason for existence is quite bittersweet, but I’m glad this could somewhat bring Trucy comfort and hope back then…
Miles softly smiles as he takes Mr. Meows from Phoenix. “I’ll have to thank Trucy in the morning for this. What else, Phoenix?”
“What else—Well, Truce is back to sleeping again. Sang her that lullaby she seems to adore. She’s a world renowned magician and that still is the ultimate trick to putting her to sleep, heh. Other than that, she ordered we head to bed once everything was alright, and for you to get well soon.”
“Hmm… I see… Well I see no reason why we shouldn’t do wh-“
Phoenix interrupted Miles quickly, “Miles, come on… Can you please just tell me if you are sick or not? Even if you aren’t fully sick, can you tell me if you’re getting or feeling worse than normal…? Please don’t make this a fight, I know you hate being sick, and for the record so do I! But I still want to make sure you are okay before this develops and grows into something worse.”
Miles sighed, leaning back against the counter. It was true that they both hated getting sick quite equally. While Phoenix may hate getting sick due to his past back in college and everything associated with having a bad cold, Miles hates getting sick for how badly he normally gets it. It’s rare for either of them to get sick as they make sure everything is sanitary and clean, but when they do catch something, they fall hard. Phoenix tends to get high fevers that keep him in bed, while Miles shuts down worse with tendencies of throwing up. Of course both of them knew if they got badly sick, getting anything done was impossible. Phoenix at the very least recovered fast on his own as Miles learned during Iris’ trial back then, but he himself was slow to recover.
All in all, if he were sick, things were going to be bad. Not even just bad, more like spending the holidays as Satan’s little puppet dying for his amusement.
“Phoenix, I assure you that it’s nothing major-“
“Not yet… And we can’t possibly know that…!”
“…but I am taking precautions. I’ve been drinking fluids like water or tea, washing my hands, taking cough drops to help… I don’t believe this will develop into anything worse.”
Phoenix sighed, leaning on a nearby kitchen counter by Miles. Even Miles could recognize the look of doubt etched on Phoenix’s face. “See Miles, I want to believe you, but it’s hard to do so when your nose is running.”
Miles could slowly feel some tension in the air as they leaned opposite of each other in the kitchen. One must understand that Phoenix has a tendency to monitor a sick person like a hawk when they become ill. It very much contradicts how he is when sick himself, with his habit of isolating himself in the bedroom and not asking anyone for help.
However, Phoenix when taking care of someone who is sick can be quite… overly generous. While that sounds far from being a bad thing, by being overly generous he takes it to the extreme. He’s often doing all sorts of favors and checkups that can be quite a lot at times.
For example, whenever Trucy is sick and she’s asleep he’ll wake her up to do a checkup on her. And while that is far from a bad thing, getting sleep and rest is sometimes a miracle when one is sick as being asleep makes it so you can’t feel your deteriorating body ache.
Another example is when Maya was sick and was feeling quite cold and chilly laying down on the couch in their living room. Phoenix had prepared the living room she was in to be quite a hot furnace. He turned on the fireplace, put on a heater, gave her the fluffiest blankets he could find, made her some soup, and even got her hand warmers all so she could feel warm again. The heat ended up making Maya pass out and worsened her condition considerably.
Issue is, they never tell Phoenix this. They all know he would take the criticism and start blaming himself or even complain about how he’s just trying to help. They all know he means well, and truly they do love how he’s trying to help when one’s feeling like literal mush, but Phoenix has always been sensitive when it comes to the subject of helping people.
So back to the present where Phoenix is staring a little frustrated at Miles, the tension was heating up slowly. Both of them were tired, and Miles didn’t know how to defuse the situation easily. Racking his mind for a way out that reassured Phoenix while also getting them back to bed faster… Nothing flawless or simple came up. And it had to be flawless or simple, because Miles knows all too well that if it’s not concrete and solid Phoenix will find a way through.
Yet the seconds were ticking down fast, and Miles knew he was running out of time to formulate a solid response, but his mind was currently fixated on Phoenix’s stupid strand of hair that sticks out. It was what he always looked at whenever he couldn’t directly look Phoenix in the eye, as the stupid strand of hair always reminded him this was still Phoenix at the end of the day. He’s silly, loving, and a lot of other words that Miles could easily and infinitely wax poetry about. With his hazy tired mind distracted, Miles spoke without putting much thought into it.
“A runny nose isn’t the end of the world, Phoenix. And the world isn’t going to end if you determine right this very second if I’m getting sick or not-“
Miles knew it was flawed the moment he stopped speaking. Phoenix’s eyes narrowed, and he argued quietly, “Just because the world isn’t going to end doesn’t mean we should ignore this, Miles. Problems don’t have to be world ending in order to be acknowledged and investigated. Now, please come here and let me quickly check up on you—“
Miles shook his head, crossing his arms defensively for some comfort. “Phoenix please, you are acting ridiculous—“
“And you’re being stubborn. That’s about the only thing normal with you right now.”
Miles didn’t comment how much that hurt. He knew Phoenix was talking about sickness, but Miles couldn’t help but think of it as a jab to the time of year it was. A voice echoing in his mind…
‘He’s calling you out for being weak and vulnerable…’
Miles took a deep breath of the frightening atmosphere that felt close to being shredded into nothingness. Phoenix was growing to be more impatient by the second, and Miles feared to know what he might do if he got to a point of anger as Phoenix tends to act scarily when angry.
“While I appreciate your… concern and worry over my wellbeing—“ Sounding good so far… Come on, Miles… “—your support isn’t necessary.”
… Miles knew right off the bat that statement came out wrong, and he knew he had royally messed up when he saw Phoenix’s face morph from impatient concern to that look he had during a majority of his disbarment. A look of no concern or care whatsoever. The look Miles hated the most…
Phoenix started talking with that agonizing tone of voice that was the least genuine, sarcastic, and uncharismatic, “Well sorry Mr. Chief Prosecutor that I was worried about you…!“
So it starts… Phoenix knows well that Miles hates when Phoenix specifically calls or refers to him by Mr. Chief Prosecutor. Hates it because Phoenix calls him all sorts of other endearing names with nothing but love and affection behind it. Hates it because they are more than just their jobs, they’re married to one another. Hates it because it’s formal, and formalities back at their personal home always makes Miles think they are nothing but strangers, that they have nothing together. Phoenix knows well how much Miles hates everything about that sentence, from the tone to the words. It hurts his heart even with positive self talk in his head saying Phoenix loves him regardless of anything.
Phoenix’s voice raised a notch, as did his body language as his hands started moving like he was talking in court. “I didn’t realize you were picky with people supporting and worrying about you. My bad that I didn’t realize my support wasn’t good enough for you!”
Miles physically feels himself flinch hearing those words, which ends up making him cough some more and causes him to lean over the counter to keep balance. With how much he is coughing, he truly feels like he is going to pass out sooner or later.
Still, Phoenix says in an innocent tone of voice. “Yup! Nothing wrong with Mr. Chief Prosecutor at all! He’s so strong he doesn’t need anyone’s help!”
When Miles finishes coughing, he retorts back at Phoenix not giving a mere lowly rat’s crap anymore, “Says Mr. Isolation over there! Hiding the moment something is wrong and refusing to accept any sort of help!”
Phoenix did let out quite the gasp, before glaring at Miles like somebody messed with his darling Trucy. His hands curling into fists which Miles hoped wasn’t about to collide and make contact with any part of his body. Miles tightened his grip on Mr. Meows, feeling intimidated which was quite ironic. He’d been threatened, kidnapped, held at gunpoint before…! But nothing made him feel so tiny as much as an angry full of hate Phoenix.
Phoenix’s tone dropped a tone, sounding close to a growl that he only did back at Trucy’s PTA meetings. “Don’t you dare try and change the subject on me, Mr. Chief Prosecutor. I’m not the one hiding the fact I may be sick. I’m not the one denying support…!”
Miles interrupted, beginning to feel high and mighty despite the sleepiness and stomach pain. “Support? Ohhhh- You mean your version of support…”
Phoenix glared even harder, going so far as to make himself seem more large and taller by huffing and puffing, which Miles… kind of found cute albeit intimidating beyond all comprehension.
Phoenix growled deeply, “You got something to say to my face, Miles?”
First name usage sent shivers down Miles’ spine, as instead of the usual affection and tenderness behind it was filled with nothing but a demanding order that could easily lead to heavy consequences. The tense atmosphere however made Miles in the heat of the moment decide to give the blunt honest truth that nobody else would dare say to Phoenix’s face.
“Yeah Phoenix, you support way too much that it’s unbearable and suffocating…!”
And of course, those words were the last straw for Phoenix. If he was hurt, Phoenix didn’t dare show it. Haunting it was that his face was unmoving that even Miles could read it, and Miles had gotten used to reading Phoenix’s expressions. Miles wanted to apologize immediately, feeling the heat die down once the silence filled the kitchen.
Miles knew it was better that Phoenix cared and tried in the first place. It was better than doing nothing at all, as Miles had learned back then from his husband. He knew to be grateful for Phoenix’s help. He KNEW it was because Phoenix was so supportive that he was even standing here right now and not rotting in a jail cell for a crime he didn’t commit.
And Miles KNOWS that his husband isn’t unbearable to the point of Miles hating it. Phoenix’s love is and will forever be FAR more important and more common than Phoenix being a nuisance. People have bad days, rotten moods, awful things— Miles DEFINITELY knows Phoenix too has days like that. Moments like that. Everyone does, it’s a fact of life. Miles could feel himself already forming an apology in his head, sincere and truthful.
My apologies, Phoenix… I didn’t mean to lash out at you like this… I do appreciate all that you do for me, and I’m sorry for being ungrateful but… Sometimes your kindness just gets on my nerves for how pure it is, and that most likely makes me a bad person… But I just don’t want to make you worry about me so much… I don’t want you to always help carry the burden so much. You matter too, and I feel like you drop everything the moment something bad happens to me, and I wish you wouldn’t… I love you, but I just can’t bear to see you neglect your other responsibilities…
The moment Miles heard Phoenix’s voice disturb his train of thought, Miles’ heart dropped knowing a verbal bombshell was about to drop. “Fine. Since I’m so unbearable with my help, I’ll stop pestering you. Night.”
And just like that, Phoenix walked away leaving Miles standing alone in the kitchen. And before Miles could even tell Phoenix to wait, right on cue, another coughing fit consumed him and made him nearly collapse.
Miles held Mr. Meows closely to his chest, hugging it gently for some comfort as his chest burned slightly with pain. Miles went so far as to even wipe his nose with the sleeve of his pajamas, feeling dejected to even go fetch a tissue or handkerchief.
Miles knew Phoenix, his darling husband, all too well. When Phoenix wants to help somebody, his entire soul and mind goes out to help them till the very end as most people know. On the flip side of the coin, however, when Phoenix loses his belief in someone, it’s nearly impossible to regain that belief in him. When he states he’s done helping you, he truly wholeheartedly means it. It’s a sign you’ve messed up, that one of the kindest, most loving guy around doesn't care and actively won’t do anything in favor of you.
And Miles sighed knowing this December just got infinitely worse.
At the very least, he hoped he wouldn’t actually get too sick.
---
He got sick. Horribly, horribly, sick.
Miles had a whole list of symptoms that he could barely comprehend because thinking was hurting way too much. The itch in the back of his throat ended up transforming into a nasty post nasal drip that made drinking everything a million times worse. The cause? Miles had become and was very, very, very congested. So congested it began affecting his hearing (Steel Samurai music had never sounded more flat). So congested he already went through 3 brand new boxes of tissues. So congested whenever he blew his nose it sounded like a boat horn. It was just as bad as his allergies he annually got during the spring season.
His stomach pain thankfully died down, but instead he felt very frail and weak. Moving has gotten hard for him, which includes simple movements such as stretching. Miles knows for a fact he isn’t the most athletic person, only having some form of fitness via taking so many stairs everywhere he goes, but not being able to move without the feeling of fainting at any given moment was something else.
But the worst symptom was that blasted persistent cough which grew to be violent and seemingly endless. It didn’t matter the time of day, he coughed and coughed which left him breathless and aching for relief. And he would cough so bad it kept him up at night. Not that he was getting any sleep at night anyways.
After all, Phoenix was ignoring everything wrong with him. More accurately, he was just ignoring Miles altogether. Miles had apparently become invisible to his own husband. They would be in the same room, with Miles laying on the couch shivering in pain while Phoenix browses something on his phone. Miles wanted nothing more than to apologize and beg for Phoenix to just hold him and tell him everything would be okay, but Miles was a coward. Phoenix never would glance over at Miles, like Miles didn’t exist and wasn’t laying there on their living room couch suffering over a lot of things. Such ignorance made his thoughts scramble, which would then flood Miles’ mind, like…
‘You could apologize and he wouldn’t pay attention because you no longer matter to him. You’re just Mr. Chief Prosecutor. Nothing more.’
‘This is your punishment for being a selfish husband, and you’ll just have to suck it up…’
‘He won’t love and care for somebody he doesn’t believe in, and he doesn’t believe in you anymore. It’s the end—‘
And by the time Miles is about to just cry out an apology for Phoenix, he’s out of the room as though he was never there. Out of the room because there were more important things to deal with. Out of the room because he got too bored. Phoenix was just out of the room away from Miles .
Miles didn’t bother trying to get Phoenix to help him anymore. His husband would hopefully come back to him on his own terms, but even that was unlikely, and until Miles regained the strength to even survive a conversation without the possibility of melting, he would be stuck in the living room staring at their family photos that hung on the walls.
The only positive was that in this state he was able to thankfully finish up the last bit of any work he had for the Prosecutor’s office. He was fully free until the beginning of January.
At the very least, Trucy was still there to keep company, albeit from a safe distance so she wouldn’t get sick. She would make Miles some soup and give him something interesting to listen to. She never forced him to talk as that hurt too much for him at the moment with how awful his throat was, instead she did what she did best and put on a show for the audience to enjoy. Even if the audience consisted of only one member.
Truthfully Miles didn’t really talk to too many people as he normally didn’t socialize to many during this time of year especially. It’s a habit he has yet to tackle, but he doesn’t think he will ever truly be able to get rid of this habit in particular.
Generally he only talks to a handful of people during this time of year, most of all being Phoenix but that isn’t an option at the current moment. The only remaining people would be Franziska, Maya, and Gumshoe if he was desperate.
Issue was he knew they were all busy during the holidays and he wasn’t about to ruin their time. Gumshoe had to take care of his wife and kids without burning his own house down. Maya would visit them with Pearls but ultimately she celebrated back at her village to fulfill traditions up there. Lastly, Franziska in Germany is usually forced to run some Prosecutors’ Christmas Party Gala event that Miles knows all too well and hates. So as a result, every time Miles was tempted to talk to someone, he would remind himself internally that his friends and family were busy celebrating the holidays.
Speaking of the holidays, with Miles being sick, Christmas this year was already getting on his nerves… Even more so than usual…
…
Miles wanted to scream and cry as he merely watched the Wright Family Tradition of decorating the house with everything Christmas. It was something he was looking forward to this year, being able to decorate and reminisce on the importance of each item being set up in the house. Why they bought it, what meaning it holds, old stories, simple conversations like that which holds history and purpose.
Instead he just watched from afar the decorations being put up without him. A scene he’s used to by this point and witnessed hundreds of times, but still somehow making his body shiver with something other than sickness.
There was just something about seeing his husband look so happy while wearing a goofy Santa hat while hanging up stockings over the fireplace that brought Miles back to a time when he desired to see that same smile every day. A time where Miles yearned to be a reason this man could be carefree, stressless, himself… They got happily married of course, but there was something about seeing Phoenix smile without even paying Miles any heed that just made the feelings of being irrelevant sink deep into his already infected body.
When I’m irrelevant, I’m not in the photo, and thus I get nothing. No hugs or words, no care or love. All because I spoke how I… Miles sighed, before going into another coughing fit. Phoenix spoke to nobody in particular while setting up some nutcrackers,
“Somebody needs to put an end to that dreadful coughing…”
Miles just buried his head into his pillow after hearing that, trying to muffle the sound even if putting his head into a pillow when he was having slight difficulties breathing wasn’t probably the best idea. Eventually he did peek his head back out and took in what work his husband and daughter did around the house.
The atmosphere and lights might’ve made everything in their house colorful and cheery, but Miles felt like there was a black and white monochrome bubble around him that was sucking the life out of everything. He was the exception to the fun, a role he’s played and accidentally mastered thousands of times before. He wasn’t a part of what had been done. He was a sickly man on the couch that is slowly meaning less and less to his husband.
Occasionally when Phoenix went to grab more Christmas decorations, Trucy would look at Miles and give a sad sympathetic smile to him. It made Miles go into a coughing fit every time, which Phoenix would comment passive aggressively about every time.
…
That night once Phoenix and Trucy went to bed, Miles would have a nightmare about being forgotten to the world. A nightmare about a world where nobody even remembered who he was or what he did, a world where Miles didn’t exist. Yet everything functioned perfectly without him . He watched them all behind what felt like glass, his dear friends and family, smiling so much happier than they did when he does presently exist in reality.
Was I that much of a burden on their lives…?
So many things were different, but in the end, everything appeared to be better. For example, Phoenix pursued his dream of becoming an artist, and was still able to work with an alive Mia Fey by drawing scenes of her in court as thanks for her defense services. Which leads to the point that Mia Fey was alive in this world too, with Maya, and Pearl, and what even appeared to be Misty Fey. All of them, being so much more light hearted and so very very close… A loving and close family bond instead of the reality of a family struggling to constantly get back at one another…
Or even Franziska, as she clearly got the attention from… him. Miles could so clearly see how the self doubt of living up to her Father’s expectations never truly hit her as hard in this variation. He didn’t ignore her in favor of getting back at an already dead man’s son. She got the attention she deserved, and Miles knew that one day in that reality, she would find out what she already knows in his own reality. Franziska would be her truest self, and Miles felt a pang knowing he wouldn’t get to see this side of her truly ever…
Miles could clearly see the effects, and he knew the root cause of why this reality doesn’t exist for him. It was the worst reason of all, and he knows the connection already… The iconic hat and trench coat being unmistakable to see through the tiny snowy window.
Imagining and seeing how his Father was still alive in a world without Miles ever existing evoked all sorts of emotions that Miles couldn’t even identify. In a world where his Father was never shot inside a dark breathless elevator because his lazy 9 year old son didn’t feel like taking the stairs, his Father was an even more well-respected and famous defense attorney. In fact, Miles could see him with a blurry image of what appeared to be his Mother, the two holding each other so close and dearly, Miles already knowing how moments like those are priceless and unforgettable. To be close to your partner, to feel their heartbeat and breath as the world fades and all that matters in that very moment is you two…
Of course, however, everything shifted back to himself as it usually did, and he ended up seeing his 9 year old self trapped inside an elevator, chained to the floor and struggling to watch everything Miles himself just witnessed. The message was clear, and although he hated seeing his younger self cry, there was nothing he could do about it.
This time, Miles didn’t wake up in a cold sweat hearing a gunshot echo in his head. This time, he woke up with the sound of his closest friends and family’s cheery laughter, slowly fading to nothing. Miles felt disgusting, in more ways than one. Both in the fact he was sick, and disgusted with himself for ruining the lives of so so many people.
Was it true if he were never born people he loves and cares for would be better off? Was everything he’s done in his life for nothing? What was the reason for him existing in the first place?? The world was better off without him!!
Miles’ head was too fuzzy and blurry for Miles to even comprehend that he was beginning to slip back into his old habits of thinking. That he was beginning to start blaming himself for everything, that he was beginning to doubt himself and the things he had accomplished, he was beginning to let that self hatred take over.
Miles didn’t fall asleep for the rest of the night, his body and mind not allowing him to sleep as he felt every ounce of guilt within his body stabbing him over, and over, and over again.
There was no warmth to be had with him, and Miles knew his cries would be ignored.
---
A week leading up to Christmas Miles was running a fever of 101.5, which still led to no help from Phoenix. A few days ago he actually felt better, albeit sneezing whole tissue boxes worth of green disgusting thick mucus. He thought he was going to be able to finally talk to his husband again, to apologize to him, to sleep closely with him again and get to feel their love make the situation seem like nothing had happened in the first place…!
Of course not, those days were just the waves of the sea lowering themselves so a big one could sweep him up and begin to drown Miles again. Whatever sickness he got basically rolled a dice on the type of day Miles would be having, and laughed at how despite all 6+ medications Miles was taking, nothing seemed to help. He did nothing but lay on the living couch feeling worthless and useless, he made sure to keep drinking fluids despite the awful taste from his throat. He made sure to watch what he ate as this time around he had developed the nightmare symptom of nausea, which was getting worse and worse as each day passed by.
To top it off, the only times Phoenix EVER acknowledges Miles at all, it’s with orders to do something. Phoenix never says his name, looks at him, or asks anything besides that. Just orders him to clean something, make dinner, go to the store, horrible tasks that only make Miles’ symptoms flare up more prominently.
Yet, Miles can’t just deny Phoenix any order. Even if Phoenix refuses to show it, Miles still loves him. Besides, he promised in his wedding vows to the man that even in sickness he’d still be there for Phoenix. So even if his head spins, or if the food is poorly made, or if people at the store stare at Miles concerned likely for their own health, he can’t deny Phoenix. He’s just happy Phoenix is even talking to him. Even acknowledging Miles’ existence even if it’s still shallow.
Miles was too exhausted to care anymore. His nightmares were growing to be more draining and horrifying every night. This year had some of the worst nightmares that felt like they were from 2017. The imagery practically always dark and haunting, with somebody dying being common. A storm of guilty verdicts consuming him, Miles watching the hangings of the potentially innocents he’s just murdered, Miles even killing his Father in the elevator in the position of Von Karma…!
I want it to stop… I beg for all of this to please stop…
I can’t take seeing this anymore… I can’t take being sick anymore…!
It’s only 10 days until the anniversary, and I’m barely able to handle doing anything right now…!
Miles was just sitting on the edge of the couch when he felt his heart rate pick up rapidly. Miles focused on a spot on the floor, trying his very best to keep composure and to not break apart, especially since Phoenix was right there wrapping Trucy’s presents. However… Without warning…
“Go clean the hallway bathroom.”
A five worded order was dropped by his husband, and Miles was in no condition to do it. His world was beginning to spin, and he could feel an unhealthy amount of panic rise in him. Miles wasn’t going to fail even more, quickly getting onto the floor and crawling likely pathetically to the hallway bathroom. On the way he could feel his heart burn, and the feeling of throwing up had never felt worse than it did when he crawled, but he knew for a fact he couldn’t even walk at the moment. He tried that very morning and he nearly ended up hitting the corner of the living room table.
When Miles got to the bathroom he laid there for a few minutes trying to catch his breath. After all, he couldn’t breathe through his nose at the moment due to how congested he was, and he was out of tissues to blow everything out. His lungs were burning, and at this point Miles accepted the fact they’ll forever burn with every breath he takes. After all, his very existence was to burden those around him, even those he doesn’t know all too well. His mind had allowed him to see just how little he’s done, and what he has done has only made the lives of those terribly terribly worse.
His lungs burning was just his comeuppance. Him being terribly sick was what he deserved. Phoenix ignoring him was what was best for his lovely husband.
Miles quietly struggled to clean the bathroom, having to hold onto the counter to even stand. Disgustingly he ended up using toilet paper to blow out his nose since he wasn’t able to take breathing through his mouth anymore. Still, blowing his nose came with a sharp pain in his ear as it popped painfully. Miles’ urge to cry was and has been quite high, and inside the bathroom he was tempted to let go of everything and just give into the fact his existence is a parasite to the Earth.
It was only when Miles knew Phoenix left the house to seemingly go grab something that Miles gave in. After what felt like restraining himself for years, he finally broke down on the side of the tub to cry, feeling a massive headache on the right side of his temple. His ears ringing from the sounds of his sobs, and of course the amount of mucus produced was… Too horrifying to even describe.
Miles was a mess, and doing quite the opposite of what Phoenix asked of him to do which was to clean the bathroom. Yeah, well crying on the little carpet they kept in there wasn’t helping. Miles would have to wash that later if he were able to even stand.
His tears fell down fast, making his face an even bigger red mess than it already was. Crying did nothing to stop the pain eating him up, did nothing to stop the guilt eating at him, crying did nothing but make him feel more pathetic… He was glad to be alone—
“…Papa…?” Suddenly came a soft confused voice, one that nearly made Miles’ heart stop. Miles covered his eyes more, wishing for her to not see him like this. Miles completely forgot that Trucy was still in the house, home for the holidays and not off doing her tour around the world. Not spending the holidays with Apollo and Klavier, but with them , her two dads… He wished she were with them or off on a magical tour, because she didn’t deserve to have to spend her time off to deal with her sickly Papa crying like a child on the floor of the hallway bathroom.
Trucy kneeled down next to him however, seemingly trying to figure out what was wrong in the first place. She was always good at reading people, it was something Miles loved about her. He just wished he didn’t need to have her do the same thing to him in this unpleasant state.
But Miles knew the moment she seemed to have pieced the situation together. Her wide eyes darkened as she comprehended the truth she just perceived through human body language alone. Miles shivered on the floor, not ready to answer her questions about what’s wrong or if he’s alright. His throat and voice were atrocious to hear, and one could barely even understand what he was trying to say as it sounded like congested mumbles.
But of course Trucy was a young lady he got to call his daughter and she was for as long as he’s known her, full of surprises. Of course Trucy wouldn’t ask questions or even give words of reassurance right off the bat. Instead she just gave Miles a good old fashioned hug in silence, having learnt herself that a hug is all any of them in their household needs in order to start feeling better. Miles just about cried feeling her arms that used to be so small wrap around his stomach carefully.
They stayed like that on the floor of the bathroom for a while, neither moving or saying anything but just being there for one another because that’s all any one of them ever needs. Somebody else.
When Miles calmed down minutes later, he croaked with that disgusting voice of his, “Trucy dear, you should probably stop before you yourself get sick…”
Trucy did not stop however, smiling softly at Miles, “I’m not going anywhere until you give me a smile, Papa.” I’m not going anywhere until I see you’re going to be alright, were the words left unsaid.
Miles tried giving Trucy a look that explained it all, looking away for a moment. I’m not alright, I feel horrible and nothing I take medication wise is helping. You know how good our medication is ,Trucy. I really just want to feel better soon and enjoy the holidays with you and your Father…
Thankfully Trucy got the message, quietly whispering back to Miles, “Daddy refuses to talk about you, and he’s been looking very angry for the entirety of the month. Papa, you’re also burning up… Shouldn’t you go to the hospital?”
Miles shook his head, knowing he was in absolutely no condition to drive himself to the hospital. Taking a bus to the grocery store was one thing, but a hospital was where he was drawing the line. And it wasn’t as if his husband was willing to take him.
Also Phoenix has been angry this whole month…? Great, he’s never going to forgive me for this ever. He’s just going to get so angry he’s going to… I’m not finishing that train of thought…
“Well I would take you Papa, but… You know you banned me from driving your car, and I assume that won’t be lifted for this…?”
Miles tried giving his best glare which definitely probably looked very goofy. Absolutely not, young lady! Not after you broke one of my doors and left a dent on the side during one of your magic tricks!
Trucy groaned, “Papa it was only one time! Hehe, I wouldn’t do that to your precious car again…!”
Miles figures that’s probably true since it has been a long while since Trucy even had that accident. He doesn’t truly hold it against her, and they both know they’re teasing each other to try and lighten the mood, but Miles still feels bad for not actually getting checked out at the hospital.
Still, Trucy indulged him with some more conversation. Talk about what people they knew were doing for the holidays, more about what Phoenix had actually done this month since Miles was completely clueless, an occasional pun about being sick, and finally Trucy reassured him a few times.
“Don’t worry, Papa. I’m sure Daddy will be talking to you by the time Christmas Eve comes around! Otherwise, I think Santa will put him on the naughty list!”
Phoenix will already be on the naughty list for things not related to actually being bad, ermm… Since he’s this household’s Santa, technically he decides on the list of who’s good, bad, or so horrible that he migh-
“Papa! You look like you’re spiraling again! Come on, Daddy can’t be angry at you during Christmas! It’s the most family oriented holiday of the year!”
Sorry for spiraling, but I do see your point… No other holiday emphasizes the importance of friends and family like Christmas… And Phoenix isn’t one to deny his own friends and family, no way no how… Trucy is Wright, I need to start looking at the light. Phoenix can’t possibly shut me out during Christmas… He knows what it means for me… He knows… He’ll be there… He always tries to be there… He loves me, so he will be there…
“Papa! You’re smiling! YAY!” Trucy cheered gleefully, which made Miles actually go touch his own face and, yep, he was smiling alright.
For the first time during this dreadful god awful month, Miles felt hopeful that maybe this Christmas won’t turn out to be such a disaster after all. if Trucy said it would likely be this way, he was going to believe it.
Miles was about to thank Trucy when another coughing fit hit him, and he had to go back down to the floor. She patted his back to help him get it all out, and by the time he was done coughing, he was panting heavily for air.
“Papa, I do recommend you get better before you infect the entire house and our presents with germs. That wouldn’t be all too magical of you.”
---
Christmas Eve came VERY SLOW. Miles had barely gotten any sleep the week leading up to Christmas as his nightmares were doing their job of torturing him even more prominently, not allowing him to sleep in the slightest. Mix that with the fact that now at night he was beginning to struggle to breathe from how much he’d been coughing and you get yourself an awful combo of desiring rest when you can’t get any.
Phoenix was the same as usual leading up to Christmas Eve, ignoring Miles and stocking the tree with gifts which Miles quickly noticed a lack of presents for himself. All the labels were either for Phoenix or for Trucy, but oddly none for him…
Miles knew people. People cared for him… There was his family, Franziska, the Feys, Gumshoe, Agent Lang, Kay, Sebastian, his fellow prosecutors, all these people he knew and appreciated and loved…!!!
…Didn’t they send him anything?
Miles found and sent them all lovely gifts…! Every gift having a special reason and purpose behind the purchase.
For Sebastian, a nice red and blue winter jacket with his name written in cursive stitched on the sleeve of the arm in gold saying “Debeste”. A simple piece of clothing he thought Sebastian would like while he studies abroad in Germany with Franziska guiding him.
For Kay, a new blue scarf with a little white snowflake pattern. It was on her Christmas wishlist for some winter themed clothes similar to how Trucy dresses up, and Miles knows she’ll be having a lot of fun in the snow this year since she’s getting a snowmobile from Franziska.
For Agent Lang, a new pair of sunglasses from an expensive luxury brand. Miles knows he secretly showed interest in trying this brand, and since he’s on vacation with some of his closest most loyal men at some beach resort, they’ll come in handy.
For Gumshoe, new kitchen supplies so he can bake Maggey and his kids some more recipes. Gumshoe, if given a proper salary like he has now can really cook up a meal, and Miles wishes for him to express himself more that way.
For Maya and Pearls, lots of Ramen and an amazing MagiSteel Zine that comes with all sorts of keychains and goodies. Miles knows that ramen will be eaten within a week, and the Zine he got has a lot of artists and writers he himself likes, and knows the Feys will like too.
For his dear sister Franziska, new earrings, clothes, heels, and makeup. He knows all too well that she’ll complain about how any gifts she gets, while thoughtful, isn’t her at all and something she won’t really use, so Miles buys specifically the things he knows for sure she’ll like to make up for that.
For his co-workers, all of them will be receiving special nameplates for their desks tailored towards their likings. Miles finds it’s both professional and charming at the same time, just like a majority of prosecutors that work in his office, thus being a perfect gift for all of them.
For Trucy, there was a lot. New magic kits and props, new clothes for her, the latest phone model, and a little keychain containing a photo of the three of them that she can hang on her phone. Miles could’ve very easily got her more, but judging by how a majority of the gifts under the tree were for Trucy, he was sure she was going to get plenty this year as usual.
Finally, for his husband, Miles very much went a little overboard. New clothes, particularly a fancy black turtleneck with a long dark blue jacket to go along with it. A signal blue vinyl sticker that he can stick on his brand new not-torn and rained on investigating notes journal. A fancy new wallet with his name engraved and a warning saying to never let the wallet in the hands of one Maya since his old wallet tore that year. A few new suit jackets that are a variety of blue (because Miles can’t resist seeing him in a suit). A new state of the art laptop because his ancient old one finally died (which means his phone is the last thing that needs to go, but that thing is as indestructible as its owner…) Last but definitely not least, a nice giant portrait of the three of them from their wedding that Miles commissioned Larry Butz of all people to paint for them. Miles had to hand it to Butz, he did a magnificent job. Miles admittedly paid him well despite the fact that he’s the reason Miles had to get a new painting in the first place. It was a long story, but the gist of it was that Larry got drunk during 4th of July and punched their old family photo that hung above the fireplace.
Regardless of the gifts he bought everyone, Miles had thought for once he did great at Christmas shopping for everyone this year… Didn’t they do the same? Miles knew it was selfish to be asking for gifts, but… It was hard for him not to be. He knew he wasn’t there for people, knew he barely even talked to most of them, but wasn’t he someone that deserved even a tiny something? Or was he so bad that people forgot about him…? Am I being forgotten…?
Miles trembled on the couch feeling cold, when he began to feel his mouth salivating way too much and way too fast. His nausea suddenly amplified as did his heartbeat which was threatening to beat out of his chest any second now. Miles tried taking deep breaths, knowing exactly what all of these were signs of. But then his traitorous throat was wanting to cough, and suddenly Miles was grabbing the trash can full of used tissues as a violent cough ripped out of him which soon shifted to gags which ended up making him throw up.
Miles felt the tears instantly, it was impossible for him not to cry while throwing up. It was yellowish so it was just bile, and by the time Miles finished his mouth only tasted of it. He wiped with a nearby blanket his tears, struggling to breathe as the back of his throat stung painfully.
“Go take out the trash.” Was all he heard. Another 5 worded order directly after Miles just threw up. Miles’ heart broke, knowing the hope Trucy had given him that Phoenix would be open to Miles during Christmas was officially gone. He was still choosing to ignore Miles, ignore the fact he just threw up and wasn’t feeling any better in the slightest…
Ignore everything… How much longer are you going to ignore me, my love…?
Miles barely was able to stand, feeling still nauseous despite throwing up. It didn’t help that the smell was the only thing filling his nose. It was a miracle he wasn’t throwing up again. Slowly, Miles did as ordered and took out all the trash and recycles, but not without throwing up again on the curve where the trash bin was. If any of their neighbors saw, they didn’t ask if he was alright.
…
That afternoon was Christmas dinner, as tradition was to have it on Christmas Eve so food coma would allow for Christmas morning to arrive much faster. Normally they were all to be gathered at the dining table, which was specially decorated with a nice red table cloth, dim lights, and some nice instrumental background music to fill the silence as they ate in the beginning.
Miles actually loved Christmas dinner with Phoenix and Trucy. They had a few back during Phoenix’s disbarment, but now the tension was gone of what their relationship was like back then. The last few have been nothing but light hearted and loving, everything Miles could ever ask for. Christmas dinner was arguably better than Thanksgiving in ways. Less people at the table made it easier for Miles to actually talk to them, they all drank from glass cups to some sparkling apple cider, and afterwards they’d start poking fun at each other for who ate the most, least, and what to expect tomorrow.
But…
“Here’s your food, Papa!” Trucy exclaimed, holding up a very empty plate of what looked to be their Christmas dinner. Miles was instantly confused. He tried to question Trucy, but his voice sounded even worse now that he threw up.
“W-What…? M-M-My food…???” Miles cursed how weak his voice sounded.
Trucy gave him a sad look, frowning and explaining, “Daddy told me to just hand this to the sick elderly man on the couch. I told him it was rude to call himself elderly, but he just repeated my name sternly…” Trucy looked down and away, and Miles put aside his hurt feelings for a second to look at Trucy truly.
No child should be frowning the day before Christmas… Especially if said child is as wonderful as my Trucy Wright…
Miles sighed, speaking again in that strained voice of his, “G-Go eat your food, Trucy… At the table with your F-Father.”
Trucy gave a look like she was debating in her head whether to stay with Miles or Phoenix, but Miles gestured with his shaky hands to go back over to Phoenix. She seemed to see something else in his eyes, because she stared at him for a while before leaving him to eat his “Christmas Dinner ”.
What was on his plate for tonight?
Let’s see… 3 tiny cubed slices of steak, a piece of bread, and water. No company, eating in the living room while I hear the music already playing in the background, no sparkling apple cider, no mashed potatoes…
Just a meal really meant for an elderly sick man.
Miles didn’t touch his food for a long while, sitting there listening to the mumbled chatter from the dining room of his daughter and husband. They were laughing softly about something, probably something really sweet and adorable. But Miles didn’t know. He couldn’t know. After all, he was sick and wasn’t allowed at the table anymore. He had to do his own traditional Christmas dinner tradition of eating by himself in the living room. Miles thought this tradition would remain dead forever. He’s sad to see he was wrong. Again.
Miles ended up not touching any of his food, feeling too stupid to even try. He just leaned back against the couch, letting his stress and anxiety completely take over his body and mind. Because in the back of his head, he was envisioning where he was so long ago back in 2016, back before the truth had been revealed. How he was choosing an outfit to wear, preparing to go out to Gourd Lake despite not wanting to because it was that time of year again…
Miles couldn’t help but think about how stress was another likely cause to making his sickness last this long. December would always be a stressful month for him just for the last bit of it alone. But this year Miles’ mind has been questioning everything about himself and the situation he’s in. Questioning his self-worth, his self-image, anything to do with himself was questioned even when his brain was pounding.
He stressed about Phoenix, Trucy, the anniversary of his Father’s death, Christmas day, Phoenix again, how much longer it would take for him to get better, the nightmares he would have to face for the next few nights, Franziska and if she’s alright, god he was stressed about PHOENIX—
Miles slammed a pillow to his face painfully, groaning in it to restrain himself from crying. Miles couldn’t take it anymore. Couldn’t handle the lack of kisses and hugs and body to cling onto for comfort. Couldn’t handle being outright invisible to him like Miles were some stranger and not his childhood best friend who he happened to love and marry. Miles hated seeing Phoenix act similar to how he did to Miles during his 7 year disbarment…! He hated how this was all his stupid STUPID fault…!
All because Miles is greedy and prideful and inconsiderate. All because Miles was and is selfish. All because he couldn’t accept for ONE MOMENT that Phoenix cares and loves Miles a lot, similar to how he cares and loves for his friends and other close family A LOT.
And Miles was so tempted to apologize and end this stupid fight that should have never happened in the first place, but Miles’ anxiety had a firm grip on his shoulder, whispering all sorts of awful things into his head.
‘Crawl back to him now? When he has yet to speak a word to you? When he has yet to even show any sign that he still loves and cares for you?’
‘All Phoenix will do is hold this against you for the rest of your life.’
‘Just like the note for when you chose death.’
‘Just like every attempt to help him during his disbarment.’
‘Just like every time you make a mistake.’
‘All this evidence for Phoenix to use against you.’
‘All these memories for him to hate about you…’
‘Apologizing will just make your beloved husband leave you faster.’
‘For all you know, he could be gifting you for Christmas… Divorce Papers…’
Miles visibly flinched and felt his body go limp at the thought, quietly whimpering to himself about that fate. Miles could see it now even as he coughed up another melody. Pictures containing him with either Trucy or Phoenix being forever erased, all his belongings getting thrown out, any semblance that Miles was in their lives being eradicated because he’s no longer going to be able to see them because Phoenix doesn’t want to even associate with Miles…!
Miles gripped his pajama pants, trying to calm down, but his anxiety just kept growing. In the next 3 days, he was going to be the weakest, most vulnerable version of himself as every second the reminder of what has occurred so long ago will infect his brain.
And what better time to take advantage of a divorce than now…? When I can barely even function like a normal human being, when every inch of my body says I’m pathetic and foolish… When looking at my face screams that I am unsuitable to be a good husband.
Miles felt tears forming in his eyes, his fears beginning to get to him and his wedding ring on his finger feeling heavy and sacred. He stared down at it, begging to any God listening to let his beloved ring stay right where it is on his finger. To not have any judge who knows nothing of his life take it away. Take away something that Miles doesn’t want to part with yet…
Miles was so lost in thought for so long that he didn’t even notice the smell of cookies in the air ( which he wouldn’t have if he was paying attention because his nose is very much clogged ). Miles watched sadly as Phoenix and Trucy walked into the living room to put out the tray of food for Santa. Miles noted what was on the tray. 3 chocolate chip cookies, a bag of carrots, a glass of milk, and even some little candies.
That last one is new… I wonder why she left candy…
Once Trucy placed the tray down in a spot obvious for Santa, Phoenix put an arm over Trucy’s shoulder to begin walking back to her bedroom to tuck her into bed for the night.
But Trucy didn’t leave without giving Miles one last hug, escaping Phoenix’s light grip to rush over and give him a quick hug that Miles hoped wouldn’t get her sick too (although by now he doubts how contagious what he has is…). Miles wanted to say so much to Trucy at that exact moment…
Thank you, I needed this, I love you too, I hope your Christmas tomorrow will be as amazing as you are expecting it to be, please go with Phoenix, dear…
The affectionate hug didn’t last long, although Miles wished it lasted forever , because Trucy quickly scurried back to Phoenix to go get tucked into bed. Miles sighed again, getting ready for the long night ahead of him.
Miles didn’t sleep at all, coughing up too many things to fall asleep and knowing all too well if he did he wouldn’t be dreaming of sugar-plums dancing. No, he would be dancing with death if he fell asleep, or he’d be watching someone he loves struggle to dance with death. It’d likely be on a lake or inside an elevator too just to make matters worse.
Still, by the middle of the night “Santa” came to give gifts inside their stockings and eat the food left out for him. Miles, of course who wasn’t sleeping, just watched sadly the sight. Normally he would join Phoenix in doing all of this, but obviously he can’t really move nor does he think Phoenix would want him to join.
“Oooh… Yummy cookies for me, delicious milk for me, crunchy carrots for the reindeers, and candy for my supportive and loving elves…!”
Miles immediately started coughing upon hearing that, and for a moment he couldn’t stop. By the time he did, Phoenix once again was already gone. Already going back to bed not bothering to ask if Miles was okay or why he was even up in the first place.
Miles just knew at that moment Phoenix hated him and his guts. And Miles hated himself too. He had single handedly destroyed all of this with his selfishness and idiocy. For his lack of feelings and pride. Whatever happened between now and the anniversary, Miles knew was all deserved. In his heart, he deserved every horrible thing. There was a reason his stocking was empty, not even filled with coal. Miles wasn’t on the good or naughty list, he was on the forgotten list that doesn’t exist because nobody remembers those who are so terrible to be remembered.
Miles stared at the empty tray, feeling so dejected and alone, yearning for the morning sun to come up already, praying it would provide some comfort and warmth .
…
Miles waited patiently all morning for everyone to get to the living room to open presents. The sun never came up as the clouds made everything outside look gloomy. He still felt terrible, especially from the lack of sleep which only made things worse. With whatever energy he had left, Miles made his way over to the bathroom to go take a shower and try and freshen up a bit. He was desperate to feel some steam and empty out his nose of all its congestion and mucus.
When Miles came out an hour later barely awake, he heard excitement from Trucy and lots of quiet giggling from Phoenix. Making his way over to the living room, Miles realized they had begun opening presents without him. More importantly, they opened the gifts he got them without him even being there to see their reactions. Miles shook standing there, feeling all sorts of things at once.
Do they like what I got them? Why did they open mine specifically first? Did they not want me to see their reaction? Did they not want me to be here even for gift openings? Am I truly out of the picture even for Christmas?
Miles just accepted the fact he wasn’t wanted for Christmas, making his way back inside the bathroom where he would stay for the day, quarantined and contained in a place where he wouldn’t be a blunder to their Christmas fun. Where his monochrome bubble wouldn’t ruin their golden one of cheer and love. Where he wouldn’t be a burden. Where he wouldn’t be a bother. Where he wouldn’t drag them down. Where he could cry silently by himself as he celebrated Christmas alone just like so many years prior.
Miles just hoped Phoenix wouldn’t slide divorce papers under the door and have packed suitcases outside when Miles did go back out.
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Darkness, everything was darker than a black hole. The air filled with the overwhelmingly familiar smell of blood. Miles’ instincts told him something was wrong. He heard his footsteps echo wherever he was, but he desperately searched for a light so he could start figuring out a way out of where he was.
DING!!
Two metal doors slid open slowly, which made Miles realize he was inside an elevator. He quickly hurried out, his fear not waiting another second to be inside. Looking back, it was a plain regular elevator. No corpses or blood stains. No bullet holes or rope. But then Miles felt the sensation of someone touching his shoulder.
“Who’s there!?” He quickly turned around in panic, finding nothing but darkness. Gulping to himself, he took a few hesitant steps forward, the smell of blood still strong in the air. The temperature of wherever he currently was didn’t feel pleasant. It was freezing cold, and Miles no matter what couldn’t seem to get warm.
Even his foot hit something that rolled on the floor. Miles quickly kneeled down to investigate what it was he hit, and he ended up kicking an old flashlight.
“Eureka…” he muttered to himself, before smacking the flashlight a few times with the palm of his hands before turning it on. The light flickered a few times, but ultimately it worked.
Wherever he was, it looked abandoned. The somewhat familiar furniture was all torn and destroyed, and any signs of who it belonged to was clearly well concealed. After all, photos seemed to have been hung on the walls but they were nowhere to be seen. Empty shelves, empty kitchen, it was an empty house that seemed so familiar but Miles couldn’t put his finger on why…
Then somewhere in the house there was a noise.
Miles felt himself gasp, shaking a bit at the idea of what could possibly be lurking in the dark of this seemingly abandoned house… Still, Miles wasn’t going to back down from the truth. He started making his way towards where he suspected the sound came from.
He ended up in what appeared to be the master bedroom, a room that had definitely seen better days. By the looks of it, a fire had taken place as instead of the smell of blood there was the smell of lingering smoke. Miles shined his flashlight around the room for a while, trying to decipher who it could’ve belonged to…
SNAP!
Miles flinched, but looked down at what that noise was. Looking down at the floor, he stepped on what appeared to be a shard of glass to something. Then he saw what appeared to be a framed photo, one that survived the fire and whoever came to destroy what was left over of this house. Miles carefully went down to pick it up, but nearly collapsed upon seeing its contents.
A photo of him and Phoenix at their wedding, which meant that the house he was in...
“PHOENIX!?!” Miles quickly ran throughout the dark destroyed house of theirs, checking the rooms but found nothing but even more sad tragic sights. He tried pulling out his phone, but there were no contacts.
Since their front door was replaced with an elevator, Miles couldn’t leave. He quickly ran over to a nearby window, and sure enough, the world outside looked dark too.
Miles was desperate to find a way to get answers, but no matter what he did nothing worked. The lights, the water, any electronics, nothing worked…! He was trapped in their very own house that was heavily destroyed and reeked of blood and smoke. Heck, when Miles checked his ring finger he didn’t even feel his prized wedding ring. That was gone too.
Miles felt his breathing slowly beginning to become shallow as he tried finding out what even happened in the first place when…
DING!!
Miles heard that blasted elevator door open, and instantly he felt his body turning slowly to face it. His eyes widening when he saw that new writing had been written in what appeared to be blood. It was bold. It was disturbing. It was a sign…
“You are alone in this world, and eternally shall be alone.”
Miles could feel himself begin to sink into the ground below him, falling into a deep dark ocean of emotions that he himself had tried to dam up. Drowning on trying to do anything and everything all at once. Drowning on trying to sort out the flood of emotions that were always hitting him. Drowning on the idea of being alone and cold… He felt the air leave his lungs as he gave into the watery grave he himself had been constructing ever since he was 9 years old…
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Miles woke up in a cold sweat on the tiled floor of some dark room as tears poured out of his eyes immediately. In his panic he started coughing again, and felt a massive headache sending waves of pain, but he was desperate to find light because everything suddenly felt too small and dark and cramped and cold and for all he knew he could be inside an elevator plummeting to his demise…!
FLICK!
Miles nearly fell back onto the floor when his hand found the light switch to the bathroom. He let out such a sigh of relief after he finished coughing knowing he was just in the bathroom he…
Oh right… the bathroom I was isolated in because I’m not participating in Christmas festivities with my family this year…
Miles noticed the house was extremely quiet, no laughter or Christmas cheer seemingly in the air. He slowly opened the door of the bathroom to check the nearby wall to see the time and also date.
December 26th, 5:53 A.M.
Miles nearly fainted realizing he slept through the ENTIRETY OF CHRISTMAS .
HE SLEPT THROUGH CHRISTMAS!!!!!
Which meant all attention shifted to the next date… To the day that would forever haunt him no matter how much time said he’d healed, no matter how many years go by, no matter how much help he gets, this day will always forever hurt and haunt him.
It was only two days till the anniversary of his Father’s death.
Miles wasn’t going to be ready…
And as if to prove a point, Miles had to run back into the bathroom as he suddenly threw up again inside the toilet.
---
Miles didn’t dare talk to anyone on the 27th, which included a very worried Trucy. Miles was barely on his phone at all when he was sick, and he sure as heck wasn’t going to begin checking it now. He knew if the people he called his friends didn’t bother to even send him a single gift for Christmas, then they sure as all heck weren’t going to check up on him and see if he was holding up with the anniversary of the death of his Father.
Really, Miles finally decided to shut himself off to everyone at this point. To put up the walls he never thought he needed again once he realized people cared for him. Except they didn’t care, nobody cared!!! His issues were his alone and thus he had to solve it on his own. DEAL WITH IT on his own. If Miles’ issue of being too tired to take the stairs that day in the courthouse with his Father all the way back in 2001… If Miles had just freaking put up with his own selfish exhaustion, the earthquake would’ve struck and they would’ve been anywhere else but that murderous death box. But no, Miles ended up burdening everyone with his stupid desire to take an elevator that day instead of the stairs.
Phoenix didn’t even appear once today either. As if he KNOWS that now appearing even simply to Miles is too comforting. That his presence is still too much of an ounce of comfort for Miles. No, his husband is probably hiding away from Miles so he CAN’T get an ounce of comfort right before the worst day for Miles every single year.
It was just another sickly reminder of how awful Miles is as a husband. A reminder that Phoenix made a mistake marrying Miles, because if he and Trucy were with someone else… Trucy wouldn’t have to give emotional support to one of her parents that she’s supposed to look up to… Phoenix would actually have some lover to hold and love instead of having to just ignore said lover because he’s a demon despite everything.
Astonishing… Being sick has reminded me exactly why I thought the way I did for all those years… I don’t even remember why I stopped thinking this way in the first place… Everything feels so hazy… So blurry and painful… Why does it hurt to try and think about being happy? Why does everything seem to want to hurt me… My husband, my own body, my friends, my past…
Miles watched as the clock in the living room went from 11:59 P.M…
To 12:00 A.M.
Date: December 28th…
Miles made his way for the front door to leave, grabbing his car keys and heading for the one place he always went to on this anniversary before Phoenix entered his life.
Miles wasn’t going to sit in his own home only to be ignored by those he loves the most in the world while he silently questioned why he lived that day all those years ago. It wasn’t like his beloved husband was going to do anything anyways. No, Miles was going to celebrate this anniversary like old times. Alone.
Was he able to drive in this condition safely? Absolutely not. But he didn’t care anymore. He wasn’t drunk or sleepy. Just feeling way too sick. Besides, when one is sick driving to their place of work, the universe won’t be interfering in any way.
…
Tick… Tick… Tick… Tick…
His clock sang away on the wall as he sat in his massive office on his couch. Miles tried sitting in his office chair, but found the position uncomfortable. He was going to rest his head on his desk, but the photos on there were going to make him even more down than he already was.
Miles laid there on his couch bored, as he had nothing to do there. He had finished all his work and nobody was even working at the office at the moment. Everyone seemingly taking a vacation to spend time with their family like normal, not traumatized or overly prideful people do. For a moment he considered playing a game of chess, but his brain was too much to even try. The ticking of the clock that normally gave him rhythm and pace while he quietly worked was beginning to give him a massive migraine. Not to mention, Miles just about forgot how COLD he keeps his office. And since Phoenix stole the blanket Miles normally keeps stored away in his office, Miles has basically isolated himself away in a freezer.
Just my luck… It’s cool in here and I’m stuck without a blanket to even keep myself all bundled up and warm…
But Miles does remember why Phoenix took his blanket. It was raining outside and Phoenix, being the goofy dorky man that he is, had gotten all wet. Miles felt bad seeing his husband shiver as they tried to go over case files, so he allowed Phoenix to use the blanket to provide just a little bit of warmth. Phoenix was happy to hear that, even trying to give Miles a wet hug, but Miles stopped him since he didn’t feel like washing and going through the process of cleaning his expensive courtroom suit.
Miles chuckled all congested to himself, suddenly trying to think of other ridiculous things Phoenix did inside his office.
There was one time where Phoenix broke the lamp on his desk. He was trying to be a tease about how Miles didn’t get enough light while trying to do work in his office which was why he needs glasses. Phoenix started messing with his dear little lamp and accidentally snapped it making the room even darker than it already was. Miles did like the replacement one Phoenix bought for him though. It matched the style of the room much better than the previous one.
Another time Phoenix was being an impatient little dork in his office too. They had a date scheduled that night, but Miles still had some work to finish up, so what does his silly husband do? Make all sorts of ridiculous childish faces at Miles trying to get him to laugh. Looking back, he didn’t laugh or smile, instead telling Phoenix off for trying to distract him when he was clearly impatient for their date but… Miles should’ve just put his work aside and gave Phoenix the attention he promised.
Miles sighed, looking over at the beautifully painted portrait Phoenix had left for him for Valentine's Day. Miles couldn’t even fathom how Phoenix got the idea to draw him and what he looks like inside the courtroom, but somehow he managed to capture the intensity and level of professionalism Miles likes to carry during court. Down to the very expression, every stroke added to the overall beauty, and now Miles had it hung next to his debut courtroom suit, hung there as a comparison of how he started to what he is now when it comes to prosecuting.
…I just can’t stop thinking of you, Phoenix dear… When it comes to comfort, even the thought of your goofy shenanigans calms me down on a day that has me crushed… You saved me on this day from my own inner demons… Despite all I had done to try and push you away, you stayed…
…Why couldn’t the same apply to now…? Have I truly broken what we have…? Do you refuse to look at me because I’m a failure? A disappointment? Of someone you tried to save?
I’m just sorry for making you waste your time on me… I can’t help but feel like a black hole taking away your happiness… Like a fire slowly burning you out… Like a sickness that no matter what one does… doesn’t go away…
Miles decided he was going to go home later and just apologize to Phoenix to face his anger and hatred. If there was ever going to be a punishment for himself on this very anniversary that wasn’t just his mind constantly playing a gunshot in his head, it was getting yelled at by someone he loves dearly. Letting someone he admires and loves tear bit by bit Miles till there’s nothing left but a tiny bug waiting to be stomped so the world can be lighter.
…
Miles drove home in silence, being extra careful since his medicine was wearing down. Miles was going through in his head the speech he was going to give Phoenix. The speech that either was going to get ignored or spark an explosion in Phoenix. Miles tightened the grip of his steering wheel, not ready to face an angry Phoenix.
At the moment, his symptoms weren’t the best. He still had a headache, awfully sore throat, awful congestion, and some difficulty breathing. But Miles wasn’t getting any better laying on the couch in his room. In fact, he’s pretty sure his condition was just worsening in the freezer that was his office.
Still, Miles couldn’t get comfortable once on the way home, his head still echoing the words he heard in the elevator all those years ago. It might not have been as clear as back then, but he couldn’t forget the exact tone. It was like an audio recording, with the thing only slightly wearing down with time. And the noise the car made while driving just reminded Miles of how the elevator moved when it was working before the earthquake struck. The space in the car was also too tight at the moment, that Miles had to crack open his window slightly just to be sure the car was getting air. Miles knew his mind was reeling with all sorts of memories and stress and anxiety, but he thankfully was able to make it back home.
Unlocking the front door to head inside, everything was dark… Miles tried not to think about how similar it was to that one nightmare because nothing was torn, everything was fine, it was just dark inside the house…
Still, Miles with his sluggish body checked every room in the house to find that nobody was home. And god, his mind began jumping to all sorts of wild out worldish conclusions…
Don’t tell me they got kidnapped because of something I did or… Don’t tell me they went to go celebrate somewhere without me… Please for the love… Please don’t let this be their way of abandoning me…!
Miles felt the way his body swayed and flinched, the anxiety from that very notion making him freeze up so badly that he nearly collapsed onto the floor. Miles tried thinking of something that could stop his head from exploding from all too many thoughts at the same time. Tried thinking of something that could calm him down that wasn’t Phoenix because Phoenix was the reason he was even panicking in the first place…
Yet every thought just led back to that man… Miles needed to find something fast, because his head was beginning to burn with the amount of horrible ideas invading. Searching the house, Miles stumbled back into the living room where he rotted away with his sickness and looked at the nearby giant bookshelf filled with all sorts of Christmas knit knacks and decorations. Miles knew all too well the types of books displayed and stored there, which he quickly went to where the photo albums were organized. Miles grabbed one at random that Phoenix had titled, “Golden Photos”.
Miles was barely able to make it back to the couch, panting heavily as every breath felt like Miles was just suffocating more. Miles opened up the photo album, hoping these quote on quote “ golden photos ” were as good as the title claimed them to be.
The first photo was easy to recognize as it was the anniversary of it. The photo Lotta Hart took after his trial all those years ago, with everyone looking so, so much younger than they do now . Miles will never forget Maya’s comment on how in the photo it looked like Miles was staring directly at Phoenix’s rear end- Which wasn’t the case at all! He was verily staring at Ms. Fey’s silly little sign, finding it quite charming. It gave him back then the final piece to confirm that what happened in the courtroom was real. That he truly… That he truly didn’t directly kill his own Father like he had thought he had for those 15 years… That little victory sign made him feel happy…
Flipping the page, the next photo was quite a keeper too. A professional photo of Trucy wearing one spectacular dress. Whoever took it clearly knew what they were doing, as the whole composition and framing of the photo were expertly done. It captured Trucy’s youth and playfulness while also showing just how truly happy she was at that moment in her life.
Miles flipped through the pages of the photo album, seeing photos he’d never known existed and seeing photos he remembers fondly taking. The photo album had the intended effect of thankfully calming him down, as the noise in his head went back to a manageable level, however…
Miles couldn’t help but notice a folded up photo at the end of the photo album. Judging by the stains, it was quite the ancient photo. Miles carefully unfolded the photo with shaky hands…
The print of this photo was dated to be from the fall of 2001. The photo depicted his Father testing out a camera with both little Phoenix and Miles himself in frame… While his Father gave quite the neutral pleased smile, Phoenix seemed to have tried pulling Miles closer to him and ended up making Miles a little blurry for all but his face which showed surprise. There were barely any photos of his Father that Miles himself had, much less of Phoenix being that small alongside himself, but…
This. This photo is what he had lost and was rapidly losing.
Miles’ breathing picked up as he stared at the photos, his mind screaming all sorts of horrible horrible things relating to his Father and Miles’ own Husband. Screaming about how he is the reason he’s lost BOTH of them. Screaming about how this was his punishment. How he would never get to have this for as long as he breathed, which he was doing way too fast, good lord he’s beginning to hyperventilate…!
Miles felt out of control of his own body suddenly as everything spun around him way too fast, as his lungs expanded before deflating as he continued to gasp, desperate for air but unable to even process what was happening anymore because Miles was losing everything…!
He was back to being that weak little 9 year old boy terrified about what was to come. Terrified of if he’d be able to breathe again without feeling the weight of suffocation…! To breathe freely and not breathe in all the fog and smoke clouding his life…!
Miles felt himself swaying where he sat, his weak sick body not handling at all his hyperventilating. Just as he was about to collapse and accept eternal loneliness for the rest of his pathetic life… As he was about to plummet into a one sided war of trying to get control of his breathing, he felt his weak sickly body land and lean on something… A sorrowful, concerned yet gentle voice silencing everything else like it always did at once…
“… Miles… Breathe slowly… I’m here now…”
Miles did not breathe slowly as instructed to. In fact, his very presence made everything even worse as all the guilt finally crashed down on Miles even more. Tears erupting from his eyes and streaming down rapidly. Miles couldn’t even hear what his likely weak and shaky voice was mumbling to his husband because his breathing and heart rate were the only thing his ears could comprehend. All of which sounding like rapid gunfire, all about to explode…!
“Miles!” Phoenix shouted loudly, suddenly repositioning himself to hold Miles up while simultaneously gently hugging him. Miles’ cries echoed in his ears more, yearning to lean into Phoenix’s body, to grab hold of it and never let go because Miles could so easily lose the man he calls the love of his life…
And of course, in his weakest most desperate voice, Miles barely got out, “I’m- I’m s…SO… s-sorry…! I’m so V-VERY… s-sorry…!”
“Shhhhh… focus on taking deep breaths and regaining control of your breathing… We’ll talk after you calm down… We have a lot to discuss…”
Poor choice of words, because just hearing that last sentence got Miles squirming and trying to get away to go hide before Phoenix dropped an entire bomb on him. But Phoenix had Miles in a good embrace, as he softly whispered,
“Miles, please calm down…! I don’t know why you’re squirming so much but… It’s me… It’s just me, Phoenix Wright… I’m not here to hurt you…”
Phoenix started rubbing Miles’ back gently, a classic comfort technique that is a staple of Phoenix’s. Miles’ mind may have been running way too fast, but the strokes being ran over on his back helped slow things down…
“That’s it Miles… It’s just your husband here with you… Whatever your head conjured up is just in your head…” Phoenix quietly reassured, being sure not to move all too much in order not to startle Miles even more.
Miles calmed down considerably, but there’s a difference between him being calm and him being sick, because his head was still hurting and everything still seemed to be fuzzy and foggy. Not another moment passed as Miles was coughing heavily again, feeling his body tense up as the lack of air was really getting to him. Phoenix ended up holding him tighter and running his hands up and down Miles’ trembling arms.
“It’s okay… Let it out… It’s been a long month for you, I know…” Phoenix murmured gently, the heat from his body overwhelming Miles with how much he missed it. Miles was getting hit with every lingering sensation from just feeling Phoenix’s body so close for what felt like the first time in forever. A body Miles could cling to at night to fall asleep peacefully, one that could get him all hot and bothered, but ultimately one that housed the heart of a man he really didn’t deserve but still ended up calling his husband.
Miles was still crying and his face looked like one of a child that had just thrown a tantrum, but Phoenix didn’t seem to mind. Phoenix was directly staring at Miles in the eyes, an expression on his face which Miles couldn’t decipher. Miles felt his body temperature going through all sorts of forecasts. One moment he was burning up, another freezing cold. It was getting difficult to tell what was of the fever he had and what was of Phoenix just being here. Still, the atmosphere of the night they first even fought strangled the air around Miles, the guilt ready to strike for his actions. Miles didn’t know what Phoenix had in mind to discuss, he never really did. All Miles knew was that of himself, his desires for Phoenix to please stay, to stop being ignored by the world around him, for his body to finally get better from whatever cursed sickness he managed to catch…
“Alright Miles, you look more ermm… Well, you look the best you’re going to for the time being, heh heh… Ummm…” Phoenix started, the tension in the air clearly getting to him. Miles just gazed at him, with his closed off body language communicating that he too was uncomfortable and verily scared.
“Here, let me say the only words I know will put an end to whatever, errr… To whatever is making you hurt and whatnot—“ Phoenix tried to confidently say but was visibly still nervous about this whole thing.
Carefully Phoenix brought his hand up to cup Miles wet cheek, letting his thumb wipe away a few tears still spilling out. Miles took note of every feature of Phoenix’s hand, how warm they were, how they were slightly clammy from his nervousness, and the cold metal of his wedding ring that Miles was relieved to know he didn’t seem to have taken off. Miles leaned into the hand, finding it to perfectly represent the man he loved so dearly. It highlighted how despite everything that happened this past month, his husband hadn’t changed who he was at his fundamental core.
Then, Phoenix spoke again in the softest, most tender voice that Miles treasures more than anything else, “I love you, Miles… Get rid of any thoughts that I don’t, because they’re wrong. I do. I’ve said that to you before, I’ll say it an infinite amount of times until it sticks. I do love you, Miles Edgeworth…”
Phoenix gently took his finger of his other hand, gently kissed it, and slowly brought the finger up to Miles’ lips and pressed it gently there. Miles blushed at the gesture, his temperature going berserk. I guess he found a way to kiss me without getting sick… So sweet…
“Heh, you’re blushing Miles~“ Phoenix teased, as he normally does when he causes someone to blush.
Hush you, let me enjoy this moment… Miles must’ve shot him a glare or some sort of intimidating look, because Phoenix burst into laughing wholeheartedly.
“Awhhh! I want to enjoy this moment too! I’ve been so worried about you and—“ Phoenix paused, seemingly realizing he blurted out something he didn’t mean to say by accident. Suddenly Phoenix shifted away from Miles, which made his already wild temperature plummet to being just cold. Miles really didn’t want this, looking at Phoenix with pleading eyes, knowing just how awful his voice was at the moment.
You were worried about me…? I thought you didn’t care… You ignored me… Phoenix…
Phoenix held his head in his hands, sighing heavily and speaking a lot more timidly than before, “Miles, don’t give me that look please—“
Miles looked away and down towards the carpet of the living room. He stared at the Mr. Meows knitted plushie Trucy had granted him that tormenting night for comfort that Miles placed on the floor due to lack of space on the couch.
Miles heard Phoenix sigh again, clearing his throat as he quietly explained himself. “I know you probably doubt that I was worried about you, and I already know I’ve been a horrible horrible jerk towards you for the entirety of this month… Heh, Santa should’ve given me coal in my stocking, heh heh…”
The mood didn’t lighten from Phoenix’s attempted joke, and he sighed again. Miles knew that Phoenix was taking the slight pause to have the will to speak whatever words needed to be said. Miles didn’t push him, he just sat there quietly trying to suppress a cough about to tear out of him.
Phoenix continued, “I just… You really ticked me off when you admitted that I was unbearable that night. My thoughts throughout the month couldn’t help but start giving me examples and memories of times we were together and when I may have been as you described… unbearable… Too intolerable and just, stuff like that… I thought for the longest time you were just suffering in silence and didn’t tell me for the sake of you being… Well, the loving amazing husband you are…”
Phoenix paused to catch his breath and likely to think about how to phrase his next words carefully, but guilt continued to rise inside Miles. Trucy had commented at one point that Phoenix was looking angry for most of this month, was this truly the cause? If so, then Miles ended up making this month even more burdening to Phoenix than before…!
“Look, I really wanted to talk to you about this, but I didn’t know if you even wanted me to when you were sick. I decided to just ignore you since you seemed so adamant on the fact I was unbearable, and I thought ignoring you would be better than me trying to help you get better… But I can’t even describe the feeling of hearing you cough your lungs out, blow up hundreds of tissues, hearing you throw up… God Miles, it was so hard not to just hug you and never let go… But I wanted to respect your wishes, even if they ate me up on the inside… And I know some of the things I did to you were really mean… And I am sorry for my behavior, but just… I didn’t know if I was mad at you, or worried, or sad—
Everything was just conflicting, Miles. That’s the best way I can put it.” Phoenix finally finished, his rambling piercing arrows of guilt into Miles’ heart. He wanted to tell Phoenix no, this wasn’t his fault and he shouldn’t be apologizing because Miles was the awful husband here. But a voice in his head sounding awfully a lot like Trucy just told him the truth of the situation.
They’re both wrong and complete goofballs.
Miles looked back at Phoenix, gently taking his hand and squeezed it gently to acknowledge what Phoenix had said. Miles was about to speak, and he got only a few words out before… “Phoenix I— COUGH COUGH…!”
“Miles, you don’t have to say a word. Seriously, you sound like you’ve been smoking all your life at the moment, and I can hear whatever is in the back of your throat…”
You ridiculous man, I want to talk to you…! I have things to apologize for and things I want you to know and, good grief this cough is never going to end—
Phoenix seemed to understand and perceive some of what Miles was trying to ask him, as he softly spoke once more. “I know you’re probably wondering why I stopped ignoring you until now… I was going to do it on Christmas Day, but you kind of disappeared on me day of, and ermmm… that really scared me. But I…today…”
Phoenix gulped, before taking a deep breath and turning to face Miles directly in the eyes once again. Phoenix squeezed Miles’s hand back.
“You and I both know what today is, Miles. I’m not that blind and stupid to know how terrible today is for you. And even if I’m terrified and angry at you, I know in the back of my head where there is a whole filing cabinet of knowledge about you, that no matter how furious or full of fear I may be experiencing over you, that needs to be put aside and thrown out the window for this one singular day of the year. Today is the day you’re never okay, the day you suffer from bad memories the most on… I can’t ignore that, even if you’ll hate me for being insufferable. I love and care about you… I want to be here for you on the day your brain makes you think that you’re most alone in the world…”
Phoenix sniffled quietly, which caught his attention, as that was generally a sign Phoenix was about to cry. Miles squeezed his hand tighter, trying to communicate despite his lack of a good functioning voice.
Please don’t cry, I appreciate all that you do and I’m sorry for what I said that night. You didn’t deserve to have to doubt yourself . Doubt the support and help you give to others because it’s the trait that defines you. Your trust in others such as me or Maya is more recognizable than your beautiful spiky black hair and vibrant blue suit. It’s a bigger part of what makes me love you so much, Phoenix…
“Miles…” Phoenix chuckled to himself, seemingly wiping a few tears from his eyes as he smiled softly. “It’s funny, even avoiding you all month I can still read you and whatever you’re thinking so well… I can just look at you and know that you want me, still, even after everything. You still love and want me…” Miles didn’t even wait, he nodded slightly and fully positioned his head in the crook of Phoenix’s shoulder and neck, taking in the scent of Phoenix.
He smells of his usual eucalyptus and of… my lavender?? Seems like he’s been using my shampoo… How charming and adorable… Mmmm, how I love this man…
Phoenix squirmed slightly before holding Miles and pulling him closer and onto his lap. Not the best idea considering he was still sick, but at that point neither of them gave a care in the world. They both needed comfort, and cuddling was their most effective method…
“PFFF…! Miles stop that you…! PFF… Y-You know that sniffing my neck tickles— HA HA…!” Miles did not, indeed, stop. Phoenix’s neck was warm and so soft, something Miles desired as his body felt so cold. Miles nuzzled his head into the crook of Phoenix’s neck, which had his husband making all sorts of funny sounds, but most importantly laughter.
“M-MILES!! THAT TICKLES…! YOU BETTER NOT BITE MY NECK! I’LL BE THE FIRST TO REMIND YOU THAT YOUR STILL SICK—“
And right on cue, as if exactly listening to Phoenix’s words, Miles felt a tickle in his nose. Instantly, he moved his head and body away from Phoenix and sneezed 3 times in a row.
“Whoa! Bless you, dear. Need a tissue?” Phoenix handed him the last tissue from the nearby box, which he seemed surprised about. He blinked rapidly before commenting “Wait wait wait, you’re finished with this box too?? Miles, this is like your 11th box!! Just how much snot can the human body build up?? ”
After one quick session of Miles blowing his nose out, feeling the release of pent up tension in his body, Phoenix did help out by getting him a new box of tissues and all 7 medications he was taking. While he was taking all the pills and syrups, Phoenix kept talking to him gently.
“But about today and going back to what I was trying to get at before… You’re not alone. And I realize now that you didn’t do anything this Christmas, but plenty of people you know did send you a little something, and they did text me to tell you thank you for their gifts, with your sister also threatening me to tell you that she expects you to like her gift. Anyways… I have all your Christmas gifts in the closet since I was going to surprise you Christmas morning and all that but… you know what happened.”
By the time Miles finished taking all his meds, he leaned against Phoenix’s shoulders, exhausted from the amount of water he just drank trying to get down all the meds. In fact, the Mucinex dissolved in his mouth since he swallowed it wrong, and he was currently hating all the disgusting things his mouth was tasting. Miles closed in eyes, trying to focus on Phoenix’s words and not the gag inducing flavors in his mouth.
“Look, I just want to remind you that your Dad would and is so proud of you. He said so at our wedding, so you and I know that for a fact. You aren’t alone. I mean, Trucy may be at a friend’s house because she wanted to pay them a visit, but you know she cares very dearly about her Papa Miles. I’m sure if you told her the story of what happened she’ll understand exactly, not that I’m pressuring you to do that. I just think she deserves to know the full extent instead of the nutshell version we gave her…
But please Miles, if you need to cry and scream about what happened on the anniversary, the effects today’s date has had on you and your life… I’m here for you like always… And I won’t be ignoring you again for a long time because I can’t focus in the slightest when I’m constantly worried about you.”
Phoenix took his hand and started stroking Miles’ messy hair, leaning his own head against Miles. In that moment Miles was given a variety of choices, something he appreciated Phoenix for granting. Miles had a lot on his mind, but after everything, he was ready to forgive Phoenix and himself for that stupid fight of theirs.
If Miles cried about how much he missed his Father and how much he was beginning to think he lost Phoenix in a similar manner that past month, all one needs to know is that Phoenix was there with hugs and finger kisses to make everything better. If Miles weakly begged Phoenix for forgiveness about his words, Phoenix just simply made them words of the past. If Miles cried and cried and cried about everything that hurt him, Phoenix was there to cry a little too, before helping both of them dry their tears and smile.
Miles fell asleep in Phoenix’s arms, for once not having a dark twisted nightmare but rather just a good night of much needed sleep. Peace was finally back in the household, and Miles felt lighter as all the stress and anxiety in his body evaporated into nothingness from Phoenix’s warmth.
Tomorrow will be brighter and more clear than the rest of the month…
---
“Phoenix, is this really necessary to dump all my presents around me only for this singular photo?”
“Uh huh, you’re looking far much better today than you probably have been feeling this entire month. Besides, I can never have enough photos of you!”
It was 2 days after the anniversary of DL-6, and a lot of things happened in the tiny short amount of time. For one, Phoenix spent the entirety of yesterday disinfecting the house with wipes and such. But not before getting Miles as comfortable as he could possibly get in his condition. Phoenix went so far as to give Miles a bath, which was weird compared to how they normally share a bath, not one doing the work of cleaning the other.
Still, Phoenix had allowed Miles to sleep back in their bedroom, and Miles just about forgot how nice their king sized bed was. When he sank into the bed and let out a signature Ngohhhh but all nasally, Phoenix just about lost his own voice from laughter.
But when Miles woke up this morning, he felt… oddly better… Sure, he was still congested, but his cough wasn’t nearly as bad, his voice was considerably better and there was no nausea keeping him alert and alarmed all day. He actually felt good…!
So when he shook Phoenix awake and told him the news, well not only did he get quite the passionate kiss that barely avoided becoming more heated, but Phoenix suggested that Miles open his Christmas presents today now that he was looking and feeling better.
Thus, here Phoenix was pulling out all sorts of wrapped box goods from the closet and trying to get photos of Miles despite the pajamas he’s currently wearing. Still, eventually Phoenix backed down and actually let Miles open his gifts in peace.
Carefully unwrapping every box by gently tearing off the pieces of tape one by one—
“I forgot I married a dork who doesn’t shred wrapping paper, but instead chooses to unwrap it like it’s fragile evidence from a crime scene.”
“Do you understand how much of a mess that makes?”
“Not much! Plus, then I get to bunch it all up and throw little wrapping paper ball wads at people!”
Miles chuckled, deciding for once to play into Phoenix’s antics as he quickly ripped the wrapping paper off, mashed it into a ball, and threw it at the side of Phoenix’s head.
“YEOW! OH HOW HE HITS ME WITH THE DANGEROUS WRAPPING PAPER BALL…!” Phoenix acted, being so dramatic as to topple over and groan in pain. Miles rolled his eyes and actually looked down at his presents before his mind got too distracted with Phoenix.
It was a gift from Gumshoe, and it was a lovely new tea set with the colors of red and blue. Inside also was what seemed to be one of the man’s many recipes, this one for hot cocoa. Miles was about to get Phoenix’s attention on how they could enjoy this new tea set later, but he was still goofing around, so he’d have to tell Phoenix later.
Miles went through the gifts rather fast, each time he threw a ball of wrapping paper at a different part of Phoenix’s body which he seemed to have found amusing. Every gift he knew had some funny story behind it. Sebastian gave him a speedometer because he finally understood the joke of ‘miles per hour’ that Franziska told him. Kay got him the long awaited rainbow cravat that Maya suggested they get him this year. Agent Lang got him a nice scroll that had beautifully written
“Lang Zi says: Happy Holidays to the Wright-Edgeworth Household!”
Miles knew that was going to get framed to be hung up next year. After Agent Lang, he got a lot of giftcards from his coworkers to all sorts of fancy places. Then Franziska’s gift was a nice new dark navy blue wool blend coat from a popular German brand. Phoenix did comment on this one, saying
“That’s a nice coat, but don’t you already have one exactly like it?”
“I do, but it is quite old and breaking. A new one like this is quite lovely and refreshing. Besides, this one has deeper pockets and comes with nice sleek black gloves.”
Phoenix quieted down after that until Miles hit him with another ball of wrapping paper, in which he went back to being the theater kid that he was and that Miles loved. Next up was Pearls’ gift, and she got him a nice cookbook based on foods seen in the Steel Samurai. Miles could feel his mouth watering at the thought of creating and eating the Evil Magistrate’s golden silky noodles, or as called in the show “Golden Silk Soup”. Next to Pearls’ gift was Maya’s, and inside was a mint condition ultra secret rare Steel Samurai Legacy Steel Card #122!! Or better known as the ultra rare card that features both the Evil Magistrate and Steel Samurai in its artwork. Miles knew JUST how rare these were! There were only 100 of these made EVER, and you had to go pull these out of card packets with only a SLIM CHANCE of even getting one. Which left him wondering how Maya even got one, but he knew this thing was real…! It did, after all, have Will Power’s signature on the card, which was how one could tell if was authentic.
Miles instantly went to go place that in a spot he knew it couldn’t get damaged or harmed. The last thing he needed was for this amazing card to get ruined.
Finally only a few boxes remained, both of which either belonged to Phoenix or Trucy. As usual, he started with Trucy’s first, laughing out how her wrapping was better than Phoenix’s. Of course, Phoenix defended himself saying, “I may have been an art major once, but Trucy is a craft major! I can draw, she can fold!”
Miles chuckled, opening up the strangely wrapped gift to find something that made his heart melt. It was a knitted black dog plushie that looked very similar to Mr. Meows. It had a collar and the name of this plushie was apparently Mr. Barks. Trucy even made him a certificate with details about the plushie. Mr. Barks was apparently a very kind and warm puppy that loved attention, coffee, and protecting things. Miles chuckled seeing how spiky Mr. Barks hair was, murmuring quietly,
“Our daughter is such a creative genius… I love this gift… I’ll have to thank her later.” Miles couldn’t stop the smile that was on his face, putting the knitted dog in his lap as he stared at all the remaining gifts Phoenix had bought him.
He stopped throwing wads of wrapping paper balls at Phoenix in favor of holding him close while he opened the gifts he got him. Although he did finally tell Miles something.
“By the way, thank you for our gifts. I know you weren’t there to see us, but we really liked them! Or at the very least, I found them to be perfect… Thanks for putting a warning on the wallet…” Miles felt Phoenix light kiss his cheek, his face surely going a shade of light pink feeling the warmth and genuineness of Phoenix.
With that knowledge in mind, he started opening the remaining presents he had that Phoenix got him, knowing these could go from absolute tomfoolery to heart shattering by how sweet it is.
The first gift was a brand new Signal Red figurine that was released just this year due to the Signal Samurai’s old fans recently getting nostalgic over the show. Miles already knew this was going next to his Steel Samurai inside his office.
The next gift was much goofier, a “I <3 hot men” t-shirt that made Miles give an unamused look at one dying laughing Phoenix barely able to contain his own reaction. Miles already knew that was going to be used for very limited situations.
The gift after that was a nice red scarf. Miles just knew this was a jab at how Miles always steals Phoenix’s scarves whenever they go out on a wintery walk together, this must be his solution to prevent that. It was a nice shade of red however, not blinding but not too dull. It was a color he wanted to see more of.
Next up was a new red stainless steel water bottle. This one he requested after seeing Trucy’s own light blue one she got from Apollo. He liked the idea of putting stickers on it, showing things you like subtlety.
Then Phoenix got him a box of chocolates, indulging Miles in that oh so pesky sweet tooth of his. Miles did tease him about how the chocolates had expired from Valentine's Day, but he said the heart was meant to be a nice gesture.
Second to last gift was a brand new fountain pen for his work. Miles ADORES fountain pens like how girls adore their gel pens or how Phoenix adores his paints. To write with one felt smooth and clean. Miles just can’t imagine himself doing work with something like a ballpoint pen after discovering the magic that was of fountain pens.
Little gifts like these were just little services for the future, and Miles could already picture himself using each of these… Except for the chocolate, as he was already eating some of it with Phoenix. It may have been expired, but Miles regardless found it tasty.
By the time Miles got to his last gift, Phoenix had tugged on his arm gently, warning softly, “This one might make you cry, so just a heads up. It’s not triggering, or at least I hope it isn’t, but you might get emotional so… Enjoy it?”
Miles felt uneasy about what might be inside, but he just took a deep breath, held one of Phoenix’s hands, and opened the gift slowly. Well, he tried to. Phoenix apparently wanted to be a dork and pull a Trucy surprise of wrapping the gift multiple times before getting to the real thing. Miles just smiled as he kept trying to get to the actual gift itself, not some wrapped up mystery.
Miles ripped the last layer of wrapping paper to find a whole explosion of color on the gift itself. Carefully, he removed the wrapping paper from the gift to get a good solid look at it.
It was a decently sized canvas that was colored with what appeared to be a whole lot of acrylic paint. Miles instantly recognized all the faces of the people painted on the canvas, because there were a whole lot. Other than himself in the center holding Phoenix close to him, Maya was to the side of Phoenix giving a peace sign while Pearls did the same. Gumshoe and Maggey was next to Miles, and the two were throwing confetti onto the drawn out picture. Even more than that, Phoenix had drawn Franziska smirking perfectly and confidently at the scene, while Kay and Sebastian were slightly behind her with curious expressions. There were more, as Phoenix included Athena lifting Apollo into the air, Klavier laughing at the sight of that, Blackquill and Sahdadhi off towards the end of the canvas looking like they were mocking the scene playing out. Everything drawn out in the photo felt real.
And Phoenix somehow was able to add enough detail with just paint to depict what looked to be Mia Fey and his Father in the background, watching the scene play out before them. Heck, Phoenix even drew Pess laying on grass in front of them…!
Phoenix was right to predict Miles would cry, because one does not just create artwork as detailed and specific like the one he just received for Christmas. Miles didn’t even bring up the fact that they both got each other some form of painted art. At least Phoenix was smart enough to let Miles cry on his shoulder instead of on the canvas. Quietly, Phoenix just whispered over and over again…
“It’s just a painting, Miles… Merry Christmas, my love… Hopefully you feel better soon…”
While that was certainly comforting at the time and Miles may have gotten better, what he DIDN’T expect and prayed wouldn’t happen was Phoenix getting sick. Because Miles did get better a few days later, at the expense of Phoenix getting a high fever.
Yet Phoenix in that time said something while he was somewhat high on the medication he was taking, speaking dreary to Miles,
“Mmmehehe, I can’t wait to help you out next year, my sweet beloved! One day, we’ll make that anniversary much less painful so you’ll be able to smile on that day!”
Miles chuckled and hummed listening to his lucid husband. Quietly, he walked on over, carefully placing his hand on Phoenix’s forehead and stroking it gently.
“Whatever you say, dear. Now get some rest so you’ll feel better. I’ll be here when you wake up…”
Phoenix slightly groaned as he shifted on their bed to get comfortable. Miles watched as his eyes flickered close, and how Phoenix softly whispered before his sickness took him, “I love you Miles, my Miles…”
And soon, loud snores erupted from the man, and Miles smiled knowing the man he loved was getting the rest he needed. Gently, Miles pulled up a blanket to cover his husband, thinking about what he said before.
Miles knew that day Phoenix referred to was always going to be a sickly reminder each and every year…
But maybe, just maybe, together they’d find a way for this to be cured.
The End