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The first time Sebastian learned of her troubled mind was late one summer night, weeks into their sixth year.
He was no stranger to roaming the halls past curfew. After all, it was something he'd been doing unapologetically for years. To the schools staff, it was nuisance behavior - to him, a hobby. A hobby that had turned to habit, and a habit that had rubbed off on her. More times than not, the pair would be sneaking to the library, the astronomy tower, and sometimes even the kitchen for late-night snacks, or the outside grounds because there were no Prefects or poltergeists.
Not only did he enjoy sneaking around the castle, knowing he was breaking several rules, but he also enjoyed spending time with her.
She was the one Sebastian found himself spending nearly all of his free time around for more reasons than he could count on his fingers. When he was having a bad day, they'd sit together in the common room and read in a comfortable silence, or they'd walk around the halls and talk about whatever was on their minds. She was his confidant, his closest friend, and kindred spirit.
So when he turned the corner on the stairs in the Central Hall, and found her crouched down against the balcony railing while she peeked between the marble balusters in order to watch the Prefects circle the hall below, he was pleasantly surprised. Of course, had his nightly outing been planned, he would have asked her to tag along, but to see her in one of their usual spots, partaking in some detention-worthy antics? It brought a much needed grin to his lips.
"I wasn't expecting you to be here." His whispers weren't exactly low, but she shouldn't have had a problem hearing him. When she didn't stir, he whispered her name, but was met with the same reaction - nothing. Her focus remained steadfast, even as he took those few quietly echoing steps that he was sure she heard.
She hadn't.
The tapping of his boots against the stairs didn't grab her attention, nor did his short, sharp whistle. It wasn't until he placed a hand upon her shoulder and asked what she was waiting for that her trance had been broken, and when it was, she toppled down on her bottom, gasping and making a panicked groan as if she had just seen some sort of creepy-crawly scurrying up her bedroom wall.
His eyes went wide and he held out his hand to help her off the floor, all while peeking down at the Prefects to make sure they hadn't been caught. Her reaction wasn't what he was expecting - normally she'd be pleased to see him. Late-night rabble-rousing and sneaking around was something they'd done plenty, and he couldn't imagine why, of all the times he'd surprised her before, now she was alarmed.
That was until he looked at her.
Her eyes were bloodshot and worn, and the bags beneath them were heavier than the ones she brought to school with her at the start of term. Her regularly coiffed bun was in shambles, with strands of hair flying in every which way, as if she had been rolling around on it for hours. Seeing her in such a way had left him with twenty different questions running through his mind, but before he could even ask one of them, she looked up at him with a fierce scowl.
"Are you trying to get us caught?!"
He jolted his hand, offering for her to take it once more, and she finally did after staring at him for what felt like ages. "Get us caught? You're the one lost in a daze! What's gotten into you? "
" ...nothing." She grumbled as she rose on her feet.
"You didn't hear me coming, and you toppled over! That isn't like you."
He was met with silence as her focus turned back to the Prefects below. Instead of pressing on, he chocked her attitude up to the bad afternoon she had in Potions when Duncan knocked his bowl of toad eyes all over her boots, followed by the even worse night they had at dinner when their tablemates wouldn't sit near her, claiming she smelled like "toad toes." He thought it was a bit odd that something so menial would bother her hours after, but he didn't think too much of it, and let her be.
Once the Prefects had left their post and they snuck inside the library, and after Sebastian was absolutely positive that Madam Scribner was gone, he rid himself from the thin veil of the disillusionment charm, and turned back to find her.
"You needn't walk around shrouded." He spoke quietly, light-hearted and confident to the thin air behind him, thinking she was still there, but to his surprise, his favorite trouble-maker had seemingly disappeared - or so he thought. He could just barely make out her small figure as she trudged up the curve of the stairs, and he watched as she came more clearly into view with his arms crossed and a warm smirk on his lips.
She was only a few steps up, and he probably wouldn't have seen her if the dim library lighting hadn't hit her just right.
She knew she was caught and that there was no sense in staying hidden - so she stopped on the stairs and let go of a breath so deep it was a surprise she had any wind left in her. With a wave of her wand and a roll of her eyes, she rid herself of the enchantment before continuing upstairs...all while ignoring Sebastian.
"Wha -" Sebastian inhaled sharply as he watched, terribly confused. The thought that he had done something wrong had crossed his mind, but for the life of him, he couldn't figure out what.
He went about his business as she went about hers. While she remained upstairs, he stayed down, trying to find even a sliver of interest in what he had come to the library to do - but he couldn't.
He'd mindlessly flip through the pages of his books, and glance up at that corner of the library that he knew was her favorite, wondering what it was that left her so vexed.
As far as he knew, he didn't do anything to warrant such a reaction...but then it hit him - she hadn't spoken single word since their little spat on the stairs, and he never did apologize for giving her a fright. He was rather proud of himself for figuring it out so quickly. Since the day they met, he had always found her a bit hard to read, and just as he thought he had gotten a grasp on her and the more intricate workings of her mind, he was set back.
Ever since the beginning of the year he had noticed that she wasn't quite the same. Of course, she was still herself . She was witty and smart all-around, and to Sebastian, she grew more and more charming with each passing day. She still enjoyed having one too many butterbeers in Hogsmeade and ending up with a case of the giggles, and going out to the beast pens to play with the nifflers and kneazles whenever class wasn't in session.
But that wasn't what worried him.
What worried him was knowing that the bright-eyed and plucky witch who was eager to make the most of the world around her was...suppressed. Sometimes, most of the time, it was as if she wasn't herself at all.
Her fuse was short. Her patience would wane in an instant. If there was a cacophony of laughter from their peers, chances were that she wasn't a part of it. The week before, she had sat at the same station as Garreth in Potions. He had tried to "enhance" and "progress" the brewing time for a batch of Liquid Luck, much to the distress of Professor Sharp, who had warned him about such thoughtless tampering. When his batch became slightly volatile and she had golden droplets splattered across her uniform vest, Sebastian was sure the more ill-regarded spells he had taught her were about to make a premeditated comeback.
The longer he sat in his cozy downstairs corner thinking about what had gone wrong with her just a short time ago, the more it became clear that maybe he didn't do anything.
Then, that spark of genius was cemented when he heard a wet, obnoxious sniffle coming from the floor above, and the sound of a heavy book hitting something solid.
When he found her, she was sitting on the floor - knees tucked tightly to her chest with her arms and head resting atop them, with her book open, laying a few feet away with some others than had fallen from when she whipped her book at the shelf.
He looked down to her, feeling a fraction of her pain as she silently wept. He wasn't sure if he should have announced himself, or asked if she was alright, but he did decide to have a seat next right at her side. This wasn't her. She was tough and resilient, and...
"What, Sebastian?" she snapped. Her eyes were glossed over and welling with tears, and her cherub-like freckles were lost within the blistering red of her cheeks. There was a hitch in her throat that stopped her from speaking clearly, but that didn't stop her from speaking with a bite. It didn't bother him. He wasn't one of their classmates that cowered the second her attitude turned for the worst, and he certainly wasn't going to let her sit alone while being swallowed by sorrow.
He shook his head with a frown on his lips and his bushy eyebrows in a tight knit. "Nothing..." he said sympathetically. "Just figured you could use some company."
Her eyes slowly fell back to the floor in front of her as her face worked itself into a grimace, which subsequently turned into a complete meltdown.
He had never seen her in such a bad way, and it hurt him to watch her suffer. Mental plagues wreaking their havoc were something he had grown accustomed to over the past few years, and he had his own ways of dealing with said feelings...which was exactly why he went to the library that night.
He tried to use his better judgement in hopes that he wouldn't have crossed an unspoken boundary, but at the same time, he didn't entirely care. The two of them were thick as thieves, two peas in a pod - and he knew that when he was feeling like everything and everyone was against him, all he wanted was warmth and security, and for somebody to tell him things would be alright.
So that was exactly what he did.
He draped him arm across her shoulders to let her know that he was there, for her.
He told her to let it all out - every tear and sob and sniffle. He told her that she'd be alright, even if things didn't feel that way now. Most importantly, he promised that he wouldn't dare leave her side, and she'd never be, or have to deal with those feelings alone - and after she sat up to lean her head against his shoulder and nestle into his side, he knew that was a promise he didn't plan on breaking.
It took her a while to finally settle, not that he minded. If he needed to sit with her on the floor of the library until the sun came up, just to make sure she was feeling better, he would. Once her breathing seemed about normal, and the tears she had shed dried, he looked down at her, feeling relieved to see that she was doing a bit better.
"Something tells me it wasn't 'toad toes' that made you feel this way." He spoke softly, not wanting to sound too abrasive.
She wiped her eyes and crinkled her nose, and looked at him as if he were ridiculous, but then she let out a hefty and unattractive guffaw that caught them both off guard. "Toad toes..." she looked down at her boots which still had crusted remnants of the ingredients spillage, and she tapped her toes together. "That paled in comparison to the rest of my evening..."
"That bad, hmm?" Sebastian asked, readjusting his arm.
She nodded and took a deep breath, releasing it with a sigh, sounding exhausted before she even started. "Violet and Grace wouldn't stop talking. First they were speaking about how much they loved being able to preform magic." Her hands shot up and her fingers splayed, almost knocking Sebastian in his jaw as she passionately displayed her annoyance with her roommates. "That conversation led to one about house elves and..."
"...and?" He asked. She had become quiet.
"...goblins, well...it started out about goblins. Did you know Violet sees them as lesser beings? I'm not surprised, if I'm honest...sorry, I'm rambling..." she sighed again. "They started to talk about...what happened last year and..."
Deep down, he had a feeling her woes were tied to the attack on Hogwarts that happened only months ago, but he didn't want to assume.
"...she didn't believe that such a thing couldn't have happened."
He looked down at her, annoyed on her behalf and stricken with disbelief. "Didn't happen?" he chided. "Don't listen to her..."
She shrugged and slumped further against him. "I didn't, and I left after that. I...I couldn't listen anymore. She sounded so strong in her convictions, and-" her voice began to break and she folded her arms tightly against her body. "...she wasn't there. She didn't see any of it. Bloody loyalists coming from every which way with their enormous drills bursting through solid earth. They had more trolls than Barnabas the fucking Barmy! Does she think Fig died for nothing? That the toast in his honor was for nothing?! "
He didn't interrupt as she went in her tirade. It was clear that she had been holding her thoughts and feelings in for far too long.
"Nobody understands, Sebastian." she spoke softly as her exhaustion began to take its toll. "Every day I think about what happened. Rookwood, the rebellion, Fig, the catacomb-" she stopped herself the second she felt Sebastian become tense. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring it up..."
"Don't apologize," he said quietly. "It's why I'm here, anyways."
"...you couldn't sleep either?" her once frantic tone became filled with worry for him. "Why didn't you tell me?"
He chuckled. "You were ignoring me."
"...I suppose I did, didn't I..." she winced. "I'm sor-"
"Don't apologize." he said this time, teasing her a little in hopes that she'd believe him. "I'm alright now."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
She crawled to her knees and wrapped Sebastian in the tightest hug she could muster, almost as if she were trying to squeeze the life out of him. "Thank you." she whispered, with her small-but-mighty grip clenching around his neck and shoulders.
From the moment she threw herself at him, he was sure his heart was about to burst clean through his chest...and that if he didn't calm himself, she'd be sure to feel the rapid, heavy thumps. Her eyes were still puffy and her cheeks were still red, and he could still hear just how congested the poor girl was, and he didn't care one bit.
"You don't need to thank me, either." He spoke soundly and surely, trying not to sound like he was completely flustered by her touch. Of course, he returned her hug, and he didn't even want to think about letting go, but, the loud clearing of a throat and a stern "Ahem" coming from behind them was enough to make the pair jump.
Madam Scribner looked down at the pair whilst tapping her foot, wholly unamused, not surprised, and disappointed.
"That will be two slips written for detention, then."
- - -
A decent night's sleep was something Sebastian longed for. He couldn't remember the last time he had slept soundly through the night without the aid of a sleeping draught he had brewed in the Undercroft, or a few drinks that were a few knocks harder than butterbeer.
With his head splitting, he stayed in bed while his roommates bustled about, preparing for the day ahead. He still wasn't on speaking terms with Ominis, but he was kind enough to let Sebastian know that it was late in the morning, and he'd miss breakfast if he didn't get up.
Sebastian didn't care. All he wanted was solitude, even if that meant pretending to oversleep.
He slumped out of bed sometime after everyone had left, feeling even worse when he sat up. When he finally did manage to get a start to his morning, he reached for a shirt, which was the one he had worn the day before, and he didn't bother to comb his hair...not that anybody could really tell. If they could, he'd tell them to fuck right off.
He skipped breakfast - he wasn't hungry. He also thought about heading to the library, but as he marched through the halls, he couldn't help but listen to the meaningless conversations of his peers as he passed by.
"Sweet on him, eh? How cute, keeping your budding romance within the same house. "
Sebastian rolled his eyes and turned heel, heading right back the way he came. He was already pissed off and tired after waking up from a painful reliving of the day when he took the life of his own kin - the last thing he wanted to listen to were his obnoxious peers whose only problems were keeping up their grades or wondering if the person they had feelings for reciprocated said feelings. Unfortunately, that was one of his problems as well, but in comparison with his classmates, that problem only added to the enormous, burdening stack he carried, and it was wearing him thin.
He ultimately decided on going down to the Undercroft.
None of the sconces or candelabras were lit, and the room sat stale with an eerie air. It was so quiet, he could hear the rats and their tiny little nails scurrying across the floors - a sure sign that he was alone.
The first thing he did was cast the blasting curse. It wasn't enough to light the entire room, it barely lit up a corner. So he lit another candelabra, this time with more power in his voice. He did it again and again, each cast with more intensity and anger until every light was lit, and he was left casting aimless blasts across the room at crates and barrels and cages. He yelled with all his might as he channeled his feelings into pure destruction, but he didn't care. After all, there was nobody to hear him scream, and nobody to judge him for his actions.
The longer he carried on blasting and wearing out his throat, he thought about everything. He thought about his twin sister, whose curse was taking her more with every passing day. He thought about how she was right - that living with the repercussions of Solomon's murder was the worst punishment he could face. Sometimes he wondered about being sent to Azkaban after turning himself in as penance, but he'd quickly remember the countless numbers of Dementors that circled the prison, and they wouldn't dare let him forget what he did. He already suffered nightmares about that day, he didn't need an otherworldly being helping him.
There were countless other things he thought of that weren't nearly as extreme, but still laid heavy on his mind. Classes, what he'd do after graduation, if he made it that far...most days, he thought he wouldn't. He thought about his friendships, all two of them. Ominis, who he barely considered a friend anymore, and her.
No matter how hard he searched his soul or wracked his brain, he couldn't figure out why she still hung around. Through thick and thin, she was there. He figured it had something to do with his mischievous charm or possibly his warm allure, but in his greater mindset, he firmly believed that couldn't be the case.
She knew the darkest side of him, and he wasn't proud of the monster that he became. Knowing it was such a short time ago only made his heart ache worse. He'd treated her like dung stuck to the bottom of his boot at one point, which he did apologize for, but that didn't make him feel any less guilty. He had even been cross with her on a number of occasions, and he wondered how she hadn't earned a medal for her sainthood-worthy patience. She helped him search for a cure for Anne despite his broken promises, and she was the only person to console him after everything that had happened the winter before, even when fighting her own battles.
She stayed around - and it only made him fall for her harder.
While beads of sweat dabbled across his forehead and dripped down his back, and his heart raced at the mere thought of his true and only friend, he decided to have a seat against one of the stone pillars in the center of the room. He was tired and drained and sick of battling with his thoughts. Granted, destroying half of the Undercroft made him feel a hair better, but his rage had been replaced with lethargy, and the untouched grandfather clock near the stairs had begun to chime, leaving him almost no time to recuperate. He had classes to attend.
Much like the serpent that embellished his robes, Sebastian slipped out of the Undercroft and returned to the mix of students who were scattered throught the hall. Just as he rounded the corner of the oddly long straightaway, he saw her, just a few paces behind and walking slowly right behind Samantha and Arthur who looked a bit too excited for class.
Just when he thought he had calmed himself, his heart began to race and he could feel his cheeks growing a bit warmer than normal.
"Sebastian..." her books were clung tightly to her chest, and he could see it in her eyes that her morning hadn't been going the way she wanted it too. He thought she looked like she wanted to vomit, or at the very least have a good cry, but she was tough and pushed through it. "There you are...you look unwell. You're very...red...and you look sticky."
"Here I am." His voice was bit raspy and he sported an embarrassed, half-hearted grin. "I was in the Undercroft before class. It's very warm down there, and I- uh, how was your meeting with Professor Weasley?"
She scrunched her nose and rolled her eyes. Ever since she and Sebastian ended up in detention a few weeks ago, Professor Weasley had begun to show a growing concern for the girl. The Deputy Headmistress decided that weekly, she'd be called in for a short meeting, just to make sure she was doing alright - the younger witch had been through an incredibly tumultuous first year at Hogwarts, and the Professor felt a duty to guide her after the traumatic death of her mentor.
"Miserable, per usual." she huffed. "This week she suggested I pick up a hobby or some new extracurricular activities."
"I've always thought you'd be fantastic at knitting. You could make me a scarf, I look dashing in green." his joke got a chuckle out of her, which made him feel somewhat better.
"Keep it up and you'll no longer be given free flobberworm mucus for sleeping draughts. By the way, I need more."
"Noted." he laughed as he held open the door of the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, but his smile quickly faded when he saw the large walnut wardrobe with mirrored doors sitting at the head of the aisle.
She slid into the bench first, and he followed, not taking his eyes off of the piece of furniture that was sure to ruin his day.
"What is that?" she asked. Sometimes he forgot that she hadn't been exposed to the magical world for her entire life like he had.
It took him a moment to muster up the energy to tell her what Professor Hecat had in store for them. "Boggarts." he rasped before clearing his throat. "No idea why. We covered them years ago."
She didn't look thrilled. At all.
"You mean the creatures that take form of our biggest fears?" She looked like she wanted to vomit again.
"The very ones." Sebastian noticed how tense she became, and he thought her reaction was reasonable, all things considered. "Just remember to breathe. They won't hurt us."
He wasn't too thrilled with the the lesson plan for the day either, but, for her, he tried to keep a brave face. The very last thing he wanted to do was face his deepest fears, but his problem was that he didn't know what to expect.
Professor Hecat had everyone form a line as she excitedly told the class that she'd "acquired" a new boggart - whatever that meant. With the third years having a class later that afternoon, she figured that there was no better time for review than now, and her sixth years were the lucky participants. "A neat line, hurry now. That means you, Mr. Clopton." The professor said with haste.
She and Sebastian had shifted towards the end of the line. He could tell by the way that she carried herself that she didn't want to partake at all. She was nervous, and understandably so. He didn't want to imagine what would come out of that cabinet when she stepped forward, if she even did.
"If you're going to keep eyeing the door, I can make a distraction while you slip out." Sebastian leaned forward slightly, speaking quietly into her ear.
"You're tempting me, Sallow." she hushed back. They had already moved forward a few steps, and the line was moving quickly. To them, it wasn't a surprise - puffskiens and pixies weren't exactly terrifying compared to the things they'd seen. "Do you think Professor Hecat's mind will catch up with her body and she'll forget we're back here?"
Sebastian could only hope.
As their classmates looped behind them, and they inched closer to the cabinet, she began to look more pale than usual, and there was a quiver to her lip.
She now stood at the front of the line, with Sebastian still behind her. She stared at the cabinet, keeping a unreadable expression until she was forced to give the professor her consent and have her turn.
"Whenever you're ready." the professor said, sounding more stern than she had with the others. Maybe it was because Professor Hecat had seen first-hand what she was forced to deal with during that battle beneath the castle, and felt pity for the poor girl...or maybe she had heard that quip about her outwardly appearance.
She had a white-knuckled grip on her wand, and she held it at the ready. Ranrok, Rookwood, something representative of all the lives she took? She was ready. Not keen to it, but ready.
Professor Hecat waved her wand, and the worn brass knob began to turn.
Then, it stopped.
Professor Hecat looked at it with a frustrated frown, and waved her wand over it, again, before giving it a rough jiggle with her hand. It wouldn't give. "Blasted knob..." she muttered before sighing and turning her attention back to line of students, including the two that didn't get their turn. "The bugger must have locked itself in, looks like the review is over for now."
Sebastian noticed her shoulders falling when she breathed that sigh of relief as he followed her back to their table. She had the smallest grin on her lips, and she still had the shakes, but he knew those would wear out in due time.
"I didn't know a boggart could, or would lock itself in the cabinet." she whispered as he settled himself on the bench next to her.
"They don't, at least not usually."
"They don't?" she noticed the upturn of his lip, and the mischievous raise of his eyebrow. "Sebas- did you lock the door?"
"Non-verbal spells are quite handy." he said proudly. "Now, I expect my flobberworm mucus by dinner."
- - -
His hands were sweating.
For the past few days, he had been an anxious disaster. His mind was flustered and he couldn't do a damned thing aside from think about how he was going to ask her to the upcoming Winter Ball.
It was only announced a few mornings ago that a ball would even be taking place. A few seventh years had the idea to petition for a winter celebration, and they knew that a true Yule Ball would only be held in the event of the Tri-Wizard tournament, which hadn't been held in a hundred years. With the Professors on their side, and the support of nearly every upperclassmen, the Headmaster was quick to cave...and Sebastian was left in shambles.
He knew the more time he wasted, the more likely she was to be asked to attend by another, and the thought of her showing up on the arm of a Prewett or a Weasley or even Isaac fucking Cooper made his blood boil. Undoubtedly, she was a catch. He knew it. The other boys in their year knew it, the girls knew, and some envied her for it.
She was the only one who didn't know it, and that, alone, drove Sebastian mad.
He wanted to ask her to accompany him the second after Professor Weasley stepped away from the lectern, but he had chickened out when she unintentionally batted her soft eyes and long eyelashes his way, expressing how she'd never gotten dressed up for anything before. He could see her so clearly in his minds eye - a flowing gown that would only enhance her beauty, with her hair in a perfectly neat bun, and red lips that could leave the perfect little ruby smudges against his cheek if he had played his cards right. That was all he wanted, not strictly restricting those desires to the ball alone. With each passing day the feelings he harbored for her grew stronger, and his desire to call her his made his heart ache.
But instead of asking her right then and there, he looked at her slightly slack-jawed and muttered the only thing he could think of - "I've never dressed up, either."
Then, he wanted to ask her after their day had ended and they chose to work on some of their assignments near the windows of the common room. He had finally worked up the courage to ask her, and was on the verge of spitting out the words he took hours to conjure - but it was ruined by some first year boys running around the common room like terrified animals, and she had no patience after a stressful day in Transfiguration where she barely passed a surprise assessment from Professor Weasley. Asking her to attend a ball after howling at some obnoxious children didn't seem like the best idea.
Which led him to where he was now.
He waited for her in the entry hall, with waves of students passing by, eager to get to the dinner service before it started. With it being so late in the year, and winter approaching quickly, the sun would set early, which meant Professor Shah would hold Astronomy earlier in the day, allowing students to get reasonable sleep, and not forcing them to stay in the tower until eleven o'clock at night just to view some constellations.
The crowd was thinning, his mind was racing, and he was losing his appetite over the thought of asking her, and the possibility of being rejected.
When he noticed the students from her class coming through the doors, he sprung up straight and tried to look his best and exude nothing but the confidence and charm she expected of him. But when the door slowly closed behind Amit, who happened to be the last person through, Sebastian looked on, confused.
Sebastian called out to the star-gazing savant. He didn't want to seem too eager or nervous, but he couldn't help but come off as interrogative when he asked Amit if he knew where she was.
"She didn't leave with the rest of our class," he rattled off, seeming a bit startled by mild ambush on Sebastian's part. "I believe she went back up to the viewing platform."
Sebastian couldn't fathom why. It was as frigid as a grave outside, and just earlier in the day she was complaining about how she hated the cold. Aside from that, she didn't care for astronomy, either, but there weren't many classes she did want to take.
"She she seemed a bit..."
"A bit what?" Sebastian asked, coming off as cross in hopes that Amit would choose his next words wisely.
"Explosive." Amit said with a hint of concern. "She and Cressida had an altercation on the viewing platform, and-"
Sebastian barely let Amit finish before throwing up a polite hand to thank him, and heading on his way.
The slap of sharp wind to his face as soon as he rounded the corner wasn't the most unpleasant thing he had felt as of late, but it was near the top of the list. Part of him wanted to give her a good talking too over sitting out in the cold, but if anything Amit said had any truth to it, now wouldn't have been the best time.
"It's not like you to miss out on hot stew on a cold night." He warmed his hands as he took those last steps towards her.
"It's not like you to come up to the astronomy tower." she said, flatly.
He sighed. It was another one of those nights. Never did he find her to be a burden, or even let on that he'd think such things. But he knew that lately, she found her emotions harder to keep under control, and it had let to a handful of small outbursts - and after months of pitiful highs and debilitating lows, she didn't care who she took out in her path.
She rested her arms on the lower bar of the guard rail and dangled her feet over the edge, looking at the mountains that were blanketed by the night sky to the west. In a slow rhythm, the heels of her boots tapped against the flat edge of the platform, causing a echo to ring out with every hit.
"What happened with Cressida?" Sebastian asked as he swung his legs over the edge, mirroring how she sat.
"It wasn't Cressida alone," she sounded forlorn, and kept her eyes fixed ahead. "But, I mistook the tail-end of Draco for Aquarius."
"Happens to the best of us."
She rolled her eyes. "Cressida proclaimed, rather loudly, that I was daft, so I..."
He waited for her to go on, but she leaned her head forward and looked over the edge, down to the rooftop below. There laid Cressida's telescope - glass shattered with metal pieces and bits strewn around the spot of impact. Of course, some magical assistance could have been helpful to retrieve the broken belongings, but the telescope looked like it was as good as gone.
"So that's what Amit meant by 'Explosive '." Sebastian said beneath his breath, looking at the destruction she caused.
"Amit called me 'Explosive'?" she snapped.
"...no," Sebastian lied, hoping she wouldn't ask for clarification. "What made you decide to...you know?" He said, peering over the edge.
"I...I don't know...it just sort of happened." She sounded so disappointed in herself, and it hurt Sebastian to hear. "Professor Shah wasn't too happy about it, either. Can I ask you something?"
She sounded so mousy.
"Of course."
"Am I truly that unbearable?"
He whipped his head towards her in complete disbelief over what he was hearing. The last thing that came to mind when he thought of her was her being unbearable in any way.
"No." He spoke sternly, leaving no room for questioning or rebuttal. "You're not unbearable."
"You're the only person who seems to think so." It sounded like she was speaking with a lump in her throat. "According to everybody else, I've gone mad."
"You never cared what they thought about you before. Why now?" The cold was starting to get to Sebastian, and whether or not she wanted to get up and leave, he didn't leave her with a choice. The least she could do was talk to him outside of the bloody wind tunnel they were sitting in.
"Because, when that's the only conversation to be heard between four idiot boys when you're looking at the ass-end of Draco through a dirty, unfocused telescope, you start to wonder." The was a crack in her voice and a small sniffle from her end, but that seemed to go away when she wiped her eyes. "I'm mad, explosive, apparently, I won't be asked to attend the Winter Ball with anybody if my attitude is comparable to 'sour milk'...I didn't want to go to a stupid ball, anyway."
Her words stung, but he didn't let it show.
"Sour milk?" he chuckled, trying to fight the urge to just spit out the invitation he wished to extend to her. "Which genius thought of that line?"
"Leander." she groaned.
"His opinion hasn't mattered since 1885."
"1885? I don't follow."
"Our first year at Hogwarts."
There it was. The captivating, bashful grin of hers that he rarely got to see, especially in recent days. It made his heart flutter and his cheeks heat up, but thankfully they were already red from being frostbitten and wind-whipped. Seeing even the slightest signs of happiness within her, if even for a moment, was something he craved so desperately, and couldn't ever get enough of. "Don't listen to anything Leander or his merry band of idiots have to say, especially about you. Alright?"
Getting her to agree was about as easy as pulling teeth from a dragon, but, she gave him her word, and for him, it was good enough.
He managed to get her out of the cold, but she wasn't quite ready to return to the throes of student life quite yet. At least where she was standing was covered and warmer than where they had been sitting, so she couldn't imagine why Sebastian walked back to the edge with his wand in hand.
Piece by piece, Sebastian fished the many bits of Cressida's telescope from its resting place below.
"Professor Shah and Professor Weasley aren't going to change their minds about my punishment just because you gathered the pieces of that telescope." she sighed.
That didn't stop him. With a few more casts of the summoning charm and frozen fingers that looked like they'd snap like a twig, he pieced together the telescope and left it sitting on the nearby table near a board with some pinned-up star charts.
"Doesn't matter." Sebastian spoke warmly, in hopes that his plan would pay off. "Maybe they'll go a bit easier on you."
"Doubt it." she huffed, folding her arms against her chest and blowing a curly tendril of hair from her face. "Sometimes I don't see why you even bother..."
Sebastian peered over his shoulder, not liking the drop in her tone.
"...why do you bother?" the emotion in her voice had ran dry and it sounded like she was nothing more than a husk of herself. "Why do you associate with me? I'm angry all the time, and if I'm not angry, I'm crying. If I'm unlucky, it's both. Nobody wants me around. Poppy and Garreth have started walking on eggshells around me...I'm nearly failing my classes, and I don't get any sleep unless I drink a sleeping draught, which you brew! Now, you're trying to get me out of trouble, which I rightfully deserve. You do everything for me, Sebastian, and I do nothing in return. Nothing. I'm not the girl you befriended last year...I-I don't know why you bother with me." She sounded exhausted and heartbroken, and he found it hard to listen to her say such depreciating things.
He needed to step away for a moment, walking back out into the piercing winter winds so he could try and find some sort of clarity. For her to say she did nothing for him drove a stake through his heart that left him wringing, because she did more than she knew.
To Sebastian, she was his sun, his moon, and every single star that lit up midnight sky. Before he went to bed at night, he always made sure she was the last person to cross his mind, and that she was the first person he thought of each morning. Whenever he was teetering at his lowest, it was her, her smile, and even the mere thought of her presence that dragged him out from the decimating, drowning depths of his mind. She was the one who went to the greatest lengths when he needed her most, and she was the one who stayed when he made the biggest and worst mistake of his young life - and in his heart, he knew that she was the reason he hadn't done anything drastic to himself.
It was her that brought the light and happiness and joy into his life, and he was filled with so much pent-up, boiling and untamable emotion that he finally let it out.
"Because I love you!" Sebastian spat his words as if they were the harshest he'd ever spoken. "I love you, and I wish you saw yourself the way I did."
She was speechless, and her features were riddled with surprise over his confession.
"You are so much more than this malady..." Sebastian ran his fingers through his hair, and spun away from in order to articulate his thoughts without having to face the fact that he, brazenly and stupidly, admitted his feelings for her. "You're beautiful, you're brilliant, and the most thoughtful person I've ever known. Since the day we met, you treated me like a person, and not a burden." Sebastian raised his voice as his deepest, burning thoughts spewed from his mouth with abandon.
Her tear-welled eyes went wide as he paced back and forth, nearly wearing a track through the platform.
"...you love me?" she rasped. "You can't love me, Sebast-"
Sebastian sighed. "Yes, I can. I love you. I love you. So much, that I wish I could take every last drop of your pain away. You don't deserve to feel so hollow and depressed, and angry..." he continued to pace around, his house robes flowing behind him and his cheeks burning bright, with his eyes watering from the crisp winter air that showed no remorse. "This life was thrust upon you, and you've taken all of it in stride. From the fucking rebellion, to finding a cure for my sister...I never meant to be part of your pain or your problems, and I'll regret that for every day of my life...but what I do not regret is meeting you and knowing you, or having you by my side. You do more for me than you could ever know."
He didn't want to face her, he didn't want to see the look of disgust or rejection written across her face, and, he was sure he had just ruined his only remaining friendship - until the hasty sound of her boots crossing iron and oak grew closer, and her arms were thrown around him the second they came to meet.
It wasn't how he pictured it. She wasn't in a gown, and her lips weren't a delicious shade of red. But, the feeling of her placing soft lips against his stubbled cheek, and seeing her shy smile and enamoring half-lidded eyes as she took a nervous step back played out exactly as he had dreamt. His rapidly beating heart came to a quick stop, and his mouth fell open, his lip curling into a stupid grin that he couldn't, and wouldn't hide.
Without hesitation he wrapped her in his arms, but this time he wouldn't dare let her get away. In his embrace was were she was meant to be. The way his arms fell and rested perfectly above her hips, and her head fit snugly beneath his chin? Never had he felt something so right.
He didn't want to let go, nor did he plan too quite yet. He still had an incredibly important question for her, but this time, he was sure of her answer.
"I suppose now would be a good time to ask you to the ball?"
- - -
He didn't hate his job, not in the slightest.
For a bookworm like Sebastian, working in a store that sold texts and curios that catered to the darker and more mysterious side of the magical world was a perfect match. He was able to quench his thirst for knowledge on a level far deeper than he ever would have, had he still been a student at Hogwarts, and he got paid while doing so.
He knew he was already knee-deep in shit when he left the shop late, and the closer he got to the center of Hogsmeade, the more congested it became. It was already hard enough to fight to foot traffic, but doing so while carrying a wooden crate that was lined with a dusty, smelly old blanket only added to his troubles, but, he knew it'd be worth it to see the smile on her face.
If she was smiling.
They had only graduated eight months ago, and since leaving Hogwarts, and even during the months before, she had begun to heal. It had been a long road, and they were nowhere near the end of it, but compared to the year before, she was doing better - as was Sebastian. He no longer wanted to see the end of his days, or even entertain the idea of turning himself in. She could go days without breaking down, and stark reminders of her slowly distancing past no longer sent her into a spiral. They still had their troubles, and they were both sure they would for years to come - but together, they would work through it, and that was one of the many reasons why he proposed to her the night of their graduation.
But graduating Hogwarts and a declaration of his love wasn't enough to solve all of their problems.
Just on the other side of the dreary little hamlet was the cottage that once belonged to his uncle, then fell into the hands of the twins, and then, Sebastian alone.
It wasn't "home". It was nowhere near the meaning of the word. Both she and Sebastian did their best to make it feel as such, but they both despised the tiny little cottage, and Feldcroft itself. It was a constant, bitter memory, and no matter how many firsts they shared or happy memories they made, it was tainted by what once was. It didn't matter that she and Sebastian now slept comfortably in a double bed together, he still felt like the young teenage nuisance forced to sleep in the basement or out near one of the now-defunct lookout towers. It didn't matter how many flowers or bushes she planted outside, his uncle, along with his twin sister, were buried in the front garden. Feldcroft was a curse, and that would never change.
Through the rolling sea fog and the blanket of night, Sebastian could see the cottage from across the hamlet, and the only things fueling his desire to get there was knowing the woman he adored was waiting for him, the need to get out of the frigid February air, and the baby niffler he'd brought all the way from Hogsmeade.
"If you so much as even think about taking her engagement ring and shoving it in your pouch, I'll dangle you by your tiny feet and shake you out like laundry." Sebastian joked as he pulled the blanket back over the exhausted little fellow to keep him warm.
He was quiet when he opened the door, hoping that she'd be asleep or in the bath, that way he could have a moment before she drilled into him for being home late. Again.
That wasn't the case. All the lamps were lit, there was a still-steaming pot of stew on the stove-top, and she was sitting by the fire, peering at him from beneath the blanket she had knitted, and over the top of her book with a less-than enthused look on her face.
"You're late." she said, cold as stone, all while Sebastian looked at her with pleading eyes, hoping she knew that his tardiness wasn't intentional. "You know I don't like being alone here after sundown. It's...creepy."
"I'm sorry, darling. Trying to make it out of Hogsmeade at this time of night is hell. You know that." He set the crate on the table and went to embrace the woman he was soon to marry. As he usually did, Sebastian crawled the length of the sofa and collapsed at her side, nuzzling himself into the crook of her neck and peppering her with as many kisses as she'd allow. The cottage may not have been "home" - but she was.
"I missed you." His voice was low and muffled as he kissed her once again, this time getting a small snort and a giggle out of her. "I've been thinking about you all-"
From the table, there was an odd thud, and she shot her head up.
"...did that box just move?"
"You know, it's always easier to ask for forgiveness than permission." He hummed against her neck before reluctantly sitting back up. "I got you something."
"Something that moves?" She didn't sound too happy. "Oh, Merlin, Sebastian...what have you done now?"
He was hoping he hadn't made a huge mistake, but her tone was speaking volumes. "I couldn't just leave it... him, out in the cold, darling."
"Him?"
Sebastian knew he was in for it, so he bit the billywig and chose to not keep her curious mind waiting. So when he went back to the table, he threw the dusty old blanket to its side, then held up the pudgy, chocolate-colored creature in his hands. "Him." he smiled warmly, hoping that if the little niffler wasn't enough to make her smile, hopefully his own grin would be contagious.
Her mouth fell to the floor and no sound came out, but she managed to sputter in surprise. "A uh, a niffler? Where...why?"
"There were a bunch of them left on the street earlier. When I closed the shop for lunch, this little fellow was the last one. I thought you'd like him. It wasn't what I planned on getting you for Valentine's day, but...lately...you've been..."
"Don't say it." she groaned as she stood. "I know. I've been moody, and I haven't been feeling well, but there's something I need to tell-"
As she came closer, the little fellow squirmed and squeaked in Sebastian's arms, and let out a big yawn that left her infatuated, and her train of thought had completely left the station. The dour expression she once wore was replaced with one of awe and innocent wonder, and Sebastian was sure that was the last time he'd hold the niffler for a few good hours.
"I guess I won't need to ask for forgiveness, then." Sebastian laughed as he handed the chocolate-colored stinker to his soon-to-be wife, and she held him proudly within the palms of her hands.
"He's a little potato! I think I'll name him Valentine." she smiled softly, shuffling back to her spot on the sofa so she could bundle up herself, and her furry new companion. "...not sure how I'll manage both..." she muttered.
"What?" He asked.
Just as Sebastian pulled the blanket over her, the niffler splayed his teeny arms across her bosom, and grabbed at her nightgown with his claws, making himself comfortable as he continued on with his nap.
"It's safe to say he likes you, and I'm a bit jealous."
"He's adorable." she cooed, brushing down the fuzzy little tuft on his head. "This poor, poor baby was left on the street?"
Sebastian put one arm around her and used his free hand to gently stroke the little fellow as he slept. "He was. I remembered that Anne kept a few pets before she passed. Ominis said they brought her a lot of joy, and I hoped he could do the same for you. Keep you company while I'm away at work? I hate leaving you alone."
"I didn't forsee myself being alone much longer, anyway..." she said with loose lips.
He looked at her curiously. "What do you mean?"
"I, um..." she nibbled on her bottom lip, and held Valentine close. "Oh, I...I just...Feldcroft is, or was incredibly lonely, now I have my sweet little Valentine here, but what I meant was, um, do you want to raise him here? Neither of us want to live here anymore, and-"
He sighed. Of course he wanted to leave. "I don't like Feldcroft either, love, but you know we can't right now. Money is tight-"
"I can go back to work."
"We've had this conversation a thousand times. You poured ale on a patron."
"I won't work at The Three Broomsticks." She rolled her eyes.
"That's not what I meant..." Sebastian grumbled and settled back against the sofa. He was exhausted, and as much as he didn't want to worry about their future, that's where his mind was heading. He began to pick at his nails, and toy with the loose thread sticking out of the cuff of his sleeve. "We still have money leftover from Solomon's estate, and Anne never spent much. We won't be here forever."
"...how long is 'forever'?"
"We've talked about this..." he groaned and placed a kiss to the top of her head. "It may be a few months, it may be a year. When the time comes, we'll find ourselves the perfect little cottage with enough space for the both of us, with a real bedroom, and-"
"Bedrooms." She quietly corrected.
He glanced down at her while huffing in amusement as she continued to watch Valentine as he slept against her. "Either you're going to spoil Valentine, or you're incredibly eager to start our family."
"Maybe I am, or....maybe we already are?"
Sebastian stirred where he sat. A family, a real, proper, loving family, was something they both wanted, and needed. "What? You're joking." He said, beaming. "Are you actually-"
"I think so." She sounded a bit nervous and in disbelief, but that didn't stop a smile from creeping to her lips and her cheeks from getting more rosy by the second.
He wanted so badly for it to be true. "We're going to have a baby...and raise a niffler." he didn't mind since Valentine already had a place in both of their hearts. "This won't be easy, you know."
But, she smiled as she pet Valentine, and leaned into the man she loved most. "We've made it through things more difficult. We'll make it through this."