Work Text:
It always starts the same, she is standing under the staircase looking at him walking away from her. Left speechless, holding the necklace he gave her and his shadows swallow him and she is left alone.
She turns away and suddenly she is standing in their old cottage. Everything looks the same when she looks around, and in the middle of the room is Graysen. When she looks at him he walks towards her and grabs her hand roughly and pulls the iron ring from her finger.
The skin on her finger scorched from the iron band, making it seem like it was still there. Thin scab forms on her ring finger. After a moment it starts bleeding in thick lumpy blood which drips on the floor. When she looks up she is in her bedroom at the river house, Feyra is placing blankets on her bed telling her she will be okay. Everything will be okay Elain.
Her hand is still bloody but the mark left from the ring healed. She raises her hand to her face, inspecting it. Where is the blood coming from?
She blinks and suddenly she is in the bed, it is the middle of the night and she can hear slow tapping at her window. Maybe it is her father, coming back, to help her, save her, to tell her everything is okay. But she knows that isn't true, even in a dream that hope doesn't last long. When tapping on the window stops she feels calm and at peace, for a moment.
Something brushes against her back. Rough and prickly. It feels familiar. She knows this feeling. She remembers this touch on her soft body and a smile blooms across her face. It is him, he came back to apologize. He came back to be with her, and everything will be fine again. His shadows start curling around her ankles, pulling slightly, and a gasp escapes her mouth.
"Az?" she whispers, but no answer comes. The feeling on her back becomes rougher, tearing through her nightgown. Pressure on her ankles is stronger and she feels it wrapping up her calves and suddenly the pressure from her back moves around her neck, at first it feels soft, like a leaf in the wind and she smiles gently. But when the grip tightens around her throat she starts to panic.
She looks down and a scream escapes her throat. It isn't the soft touch of Shadowsinger, it is ivy. Dark green leafs blended with sharp thorns pierce her skin and blood trickle down her arms. She can't breathe, her screams are caught in her throat and as she feels the last moments of her life creeping in, she wakes up.
She is in the same bed, but there is no ivy, her skin is pale and unmarked. She sits up, panting, looking around panicked. After a while, she calms down and opens her nightstand. In the top drawer, hiding under a lilac scarf is hidden a book. The old cover marked with time has a picture of the hills painted in black colour, she observes it for a while.
From the middle of the book, peaks a thin pink ribbon. Her fingers brush it, but she leaves the book closed. Cradling it close to her chest, she settles under her covers, and after a while, she falls asleep again.
Elain was kneeling at the flowerbed finishing up with the purple daffodils Feyra gave her for her birthday when she heard a movement at the entrance of the garden. He was a spymaster, nobody could hear him come in, but she felt his presence in every part of her body. There was no explaining it. Something inside her shifted every time he got close to her. More than once has she sat in the House of Wind with Nesta having tea and felt him before he announced himself. He often scared Nesta by these silent entrances, the only male in Prythian who chooses when he wants to be heard and seen, but Elain heard it every single time. Without a miss. He can hide from the world, but not from her. It amused Elain, and she often wondered if he knew that she can sense him. Him and his shadows. She never had a chance to ask him.
Most of the time it felt like he was avoiding her, since winter solstice when he rejected her, they were alone only twice.
The first time was shortly after the Solstice. Elaine was in the dining room, finishing his breakfast. He walked in and when he saw her sitting at the table on her own he stilled like frozen. But before he had a chance to say anything Elain stood up swiftly, abandoning her porridge and walked away past him without a word. She stayed in her room for the rest of the day. When Feyra called to join them for dinner she excused herself with a headache.
Elain felt him downstairs, and she could not go there. Sit with them and pretend everything is okay when it wasn't. Look at him and act the kind flower they painted in their minds.
But part of her really wanted to, because she felt this invisible hand which had a grasp on her soften every time he was around. Something in her eased, the smile which she forced on her face and soft tone of her voice, became more natural when he was close. She pretended, most of the time, that there is nothing but sunshine in her, and most people believed it, saw it to be true. It was easier than to explain the dark grip she felt in her soul, that painful presence eating on her, stealing joy from her one sliver at the time. She felt hope, the hope of that grip on her soul loosening since he came, but now, she felt the same. Sharp thorny wines curled around her mind, pushing her deeper inside. He gave her hope and took it away. Just like every man before him.
The second time, she was in the kitchen baking a cake for Cassian as a thank you for helping with her training.
Nobody knew about her training, but Cassian. Elain approached him a few months ago and asked him for basic lessons. She was no fighter and had no need to be a warrior like Nesta. She just wanted to defend herself.
Just as she was finishing the red icing, she felt the shift in the air. But she didn't say anything. It was him. The air in the kitchen became a little bit sweeter with his presence. It was something like liquorice and old wine. Sweet, smoky and completely overwhelming.
"Nesta asked me to give you these." He said and Elain heard a soft thump on the counter. Nesta was sending her books every other week, it was her way of showing she cared. Elain tried reading them, but most of the time stories in them were so intense she ended up overwhelmed and rarely have has she finished one.
"Thank you," Elain murmured not lifting her eyes from the cake. He stayed there, closer to her than they've been in months, and she felt his gaze on her.
But she decided to ignore him. He moved the books on the counter closer and shifted with them. Hair on the back of her neck prickled and she felt a shiver run down her spine. His shadows curling at Elain's feet softly, like they were trying to reach the part of her locked to him. He was the one who refused her. She was ready to kiss him, and he left. I am not going to put myself out there anymore for him. She thought to herself.
For what she cared all men can go to hell. Every man who Elain dared to love left her hurt and broken. Everybody praised her beauty, but that was the only pretty part of her left. Her inside was wilted and rotten to the core. For a long time, she had no hope. Until he came around. For a brief moment, somebody saw her. For a moment she considered showing somebody what is really inside her. And when he saw it, he did not flinch. He stayed, wrapped around her like a cocoon, comforting, lifting the veil of pretence she usually wore around others, so they wouldn't worry. So they wouldn't treat her like she was made of glass. He saw the fragile soul, hurt and broken, one of the strongest and most fearful males in Prythian, ready to care for it, until it bloomed again. He and her, they were mirrors but reversed. She had shadows and scars on the inside, and he had the softness and the beauty in his soul.
"Do you need something Azriel?" She looked up at him. He was holding one of the books flipping the pages and as Elian's eyes met his, he shut the book with a sharp clap.
"Do you ever read these?" he nodded towards the books, slowly placing the one he was holding back on the pile. She shrugged and returned back to the cake. I am not going to talk with him about books, or anything in fact.
"This one is quite interesting." He picked the thickest book from the bottom of the pile and started flipping through it like he was looking for a specific page. It amused her for a moment, the idea of feared Shadowsinger reading romance novels. It was like he read her mind as he followed.
"It is about a war general, who loses his mate and a child, while he is in the battle. She is killed by the enemy army, and when he comes home, he is devastated." He stays silent for a moment and she can feel his shadows now furling around her ankle, the softest touch spinning around her like ivy, going up her calf. She can't hide the shiver as she shudders at the feel of his shadows creeping up her soft skin.
"But he finds love again and finds out that he was tricked. The woman who he believed to be his mate, was bewitched. And he finds his true mate." He flips the pages gently and finally stops. She doesn't dare to look up at him fully, she is watching his strong scarred hands handle the pages with the gentlest touch. She want to reach him, feel him on her skin again. Not just his shadows, she wants his palms to be brushing her knees and roaming through her body. The thought surprises her and she feels soft blush blooming on her cheeks.
"Well, there is no point to read it, now that you told me the ending." She tells him and places the icing bag on the counter. Her hands are shaking and she doesn't want him to see the effect he has on her. Elain leans to the counter, her breath stops as his hand reaches towards her hair. He pulls on the ribbon in her hair, brushing her neck and a quiet moan escapes her at the touch of his skin on hers. He places the ribbon in the book, marking the passage for her.
Azriel gently lifts her hand from the counter placing the book in it. Elain looks into his hazel eyes and her breath catches in her throat. There is something raw in his look, it is not the pity everyone gives her. Never with him. Not once since she came out of the cauldron, he looked at her with pity.
But this look, she saw this look on his face only once, when they stood under the stairwell after she opened his solstice present. Desire, need and lust. It is the look Cassian gives to Nesta. Urgent and desperate for something more. Nobody in Elaine's life has ever looked at her that way.
She can feel the heat building inside her; her anger towards him is suddenly something alien. She can't reach it, not when he is this close when his shadows still linger around her knees playing at the edge of her thighs. Before the feeling consumes her, before she has a chance to move, he turns and walks away. Elain stares at the door for a long moment after he is gone, still holding the book he placed in her shaking hand.
Elain hasn't read the book Azriel left that day, but she hasn't returned it to Nesta either. It was inside her bedside table, hidden like a secret. Nesta didn't ask about it, and Elain gave the remaining books to Cassian to return, so Azriel couldn't notice, she kept the book. She picked it up from the nightstand many times but never read it. Her pink ribbon is still in the place where he left it. She wondered if he somehow knew, that the book was in her room, every time she met him she was expecting him to ask her about it. Maybe that's why she kept it. She was angry with him, but as much as she tried, she wasn't done. That book as the last tether binding them, in the distance stretching between them.
This was the third time they were alone. And it somehow felt like it wasn't an accident. Like he came here on purpose. Air was thick around her and she felt the beating of her heart fasten. Her body reacted to his presence like it knew he was near. It annoyed her, reason told her she should stay away from him, but she couldn't. When even after a while he didn't announce himself Elain could not hold it much longer.
"I know you are there." She said lowly and continued her work, keeping her hands busy. But still, he stayed silent. Elain brushed her hands in the hem of her apron and stood up swiftly.
"Are you spying on me spymaster or is there something you need to tell me?" She never spoke like this, tone of her voice surprised her for a moment and from the look on Azriel's face she could tell, he was surprised as well. Her voice was always soft, kind and gentle. That was how her mother raised her, to be soft as a flower.
"I..." he started but stopped. He was looking at Elain like he was trying to figure something out. But she knew there was nothing to figure out. She was empty, filled with dead things and shadows; all of it hiding under the smile which made people comfortable. It was her bitter secret.
"If you came here to watch me, you could have done a better job of not being noticed." She snapped and his eyebrows shot up. Anger rose in her again, shame and refusal he made her feel, all of it bubbling inside, eating her up. How is this fair, she thought to herself often? Everybody in this world deserves love but her?
Neither Feyra nor Nesta wanted love yet they still found it. Elain only wanted love, be loved and love in return; instead she was left alone with flowers and plants all day long. A constant reminder of time passing, the beauty world offers and her watching it fade away and die.
"Elain, I am sorry..." he whispered. His words were like a punch in her gut. If Cassian and his lesson taught her one thing, it is that punches are to be returned.
"I am not." She said without a drop of emotion in her voice. She wanted him to hurt the way she was hurting. Let him see the thorns which come with sweet roses. She pretends with everybody else, plays her part, but it is so exhausting. Sometimes she feels like she is suffocating, the darkness inside her spreading like ivy, poisoning every smile with a sharp stab of pain. Why should she be kind to him? The anger rose in her and her heart was now beating faster for an entirely different reason. He promised to protect, to shield her from pain, and he was the one who hurt her beyond something which seemed unfixable. And she is going to give that pain back to him.
"I don't care Azriel. You are just a worthless shadow to me, nothing else." She was proud of her words for a split second before the hurt showed in his eyes. A silence that spread in the garden was like a cushion and her words bounced from it around them. She was left speechless at the harshness of her words, she didn't know the person who said those words, that wasn't her.
Before she blinked those emotions disappear and the darkness in her spread in her chest wider, trying to find the way out.
Elaine felt tears building up, she wanted to take those words back but she felt like she can't speak. Her throat was in knots. He was staring at her for a long moment. Was he going to say something? Was he going to fight back? She couldn't hold the tears back any longer, and she felt them dripping down her cheeks. They roamed down her hot blotchy skin. His voice surprised her.
"You deserve all the good things in this world, and I can't give them to you. I want to," he took in a deep breath as if the words caused him pain. "but I can't Elain. I am worthless and not worthy of you. I can't be with you and it kills me, because..." he stopped, and closed his eyes as he whispered slowly"...you are meant to be with someone else." His soft words landed like a sharp slap on her face. Meant to be with someone else?
"I am not meant to be and do anything I don't want to!" She cried out and her voice broke with a sob. She was sick of this, everybody pushing Lucien on her like she was his plaything. You are my mate. Those words rang in her ears like an omen. He claimed her, but she had no say in this. He was a stranger to her. She felt the connection with him, she cared about him in the strangest way. She cared if he was sad, or if he got hurt. She was glad when he was in a good mood, but nothing more.
She felt like he was a good friend, she knew a long time ago, but nothing more. The need and urgency she felt to be around Azriel were so much different. His eyes on her made her feel safe and cared for. His shadows curling around her felt like the home she lost a long time ago. His presence was able to reach parts of her she locked from the outside world. And no matter how hard she tried, he saw her. He saw inside and eased that pain, that darkness which consumed her day after day. Elain felt numb most of the days, but with him, a spark of hope appeared. So tiny yet so powerful, she refused to let go. Despite everything that happened. As long as there was that spark of hope, she could handle it. Fight the darkness twisting around her soul like ivy, suffocating her mind.
Her sobs were the only sound in the garden. He shifted closer, and she felt his wing ruffle in the wind. She couldn't bear looking at him. She closed her eyes, trying to push the tears away.
"Nobody cares what I want." She whimpered, her voice high and squeaky. Azriel's wings wrapped around her like a cocoon. His shadows held back, as his strong hands brushed her arms. She couldn't stop the sobs, now spilling out of her. She felt alone, so alone she couldn't bear it anymore.
His hands travelled down her arms, she was still shaking and sobbing when he slowly interlaced their fingers.
"I care," he whispered, leaning towards her. Elaine buried her face in his chest but she couldn't speak. His wings wrapped closer, hiding them from the outside world.
"I always cared Elain. And I always will. Nothing and nobody will stop me at caring about you, about wanting you. But I just can't be with you." His words didn't make sense. She let go of his hands and wrapped her arms around his waist. Like she was the ivy trying to crawl around his body and into his heart. She can't force him to want her. Nobody can do that. If he doesn't want to be with her...
She stiffened when she realized his words.
"You can't be with me." She repeated. Her sobs stopped.
"No I can't." his lips brushed her hair as he repeated those words.
"You said you can't be with me. Not that you don't want to be with me. Why? What is the reason?" she pulled away enough to see his face as she searched for the answer. He said nothing just stared at her speechless like he didn't expect her to ask that, to figure it out.
"Azriel answer me. What is the reason you..." she didn't get to finish her sentence as Feyra entered the garden followed by Rhys, her voice ringing with laughter at something Rhys has said. Azriel stiffened.
"It is not what... it is who..." He whispered as he brushed a soft kiss at her temple and before she knew it he was in the sky, disappearing in his shadows. Leaving her alone, with her thoughts and questions.
She didn't see him for a week after their encounter in the garden. Every time she heard the door open, or a rustle of wings in the garden she almost jumped out of her skin. But it was never him.
Her nightmares returned. She woke up in the middle of the night, panting and sweaty. The feeling of the ivy slipping around her ankles and arms, slowly creeping up her neck until they crawled inside her body ripping her apart piece by piece. She always looked for him in her dark room, but he was nowhere to be found. She knew it. But she wished for him to be there holding her and shielding that scary darkness.
"Are you okay Elain?" Feyra asked her on the eighth day while they were having breakfast. She was studying her face, she must have noticed her strange behavior.
"Yes, why?" Elain blinked with surprise, forcing the most innocent look on her face. Feyra's eyes glanced towards the garden like she saw something and Elain twisted so fast to look that she almost fell out of her chair. She searched the garden but could not see anything. Feyra frowned. A blush crept on Elain's face as she realized that it was a smart trap her sister made for her.
"Are you sure everything is alright?" Fayre asked with caution.
"Yes, I just... I just haven't seen Nesta in a long time, and I feel a little bit cooped up in the house. I was thinking about visiting her..." she treaded her words carefully.
"But Cassian hasn't been to the River House in a while, so there is nobody to fly me up there." She finished and took a sip of her tea.
"Oh," Feyra said surprised.
"You could have asked me, or Rhys. We could have taken you." Elain knew she has to see Azriel, she needed to talk to him.
"Well... I didn't want to bother you..." she replied shyly.
"Elain, you are my sister, it is no bother. And Nesta would probably appreciate some company since Cassian and Azriel are at the Spring court." Elain blinked in surprise.
"Why?" Tamlin and his court were as far as she knew in ruins, what is there left?
"We offered a helping hand to Tamlin for what he did to... help us." She swallowed hard. Elain just nodded.
"I can fly you out there tonight if you want?" Feyra offered. There was no point going there if Azriel is not there. Elain loved her sisters very much, but if she goes now, she won't be able to use this as an excuse next time, when Azriel is back.
"Oh not today, I wanted to finish this one book Nesta gave me before I go." Feyra's eyebrows shot up in surprise.
"A book from Nesta?" she smirked.
"It is not that kind of a book," Elain said quickly and a blush spread across her face. Feyra just shrugged, still smirking.
"Just let me know when you wish to go. It is no bother at all." She replied and her smirk changed into a kind smile.
Elain tried to keep herself busy for the rest of the day. But she couldn't focus. She left the garden after a while and ended up going back to her room. As she walked in, the sun was shining through her window, making the room look dreamy, almost romantic. It was like something from Feyra's paintings. Her bed was in the middle of the room, with a light blue throw Mor gave her for her last birthday.
"It changes colours when the sun shines on it, look!" she took the blanket to the window and under the direct sunlight the blanket changed, where the sun hit it the most, colour faded into a lighter shade, almost translucent.
"And look now!" Mor exclaimed. She turned away and the colour changed into dark blue, shimmering almost like a night sky, changing colours like it was made out of the liquid.
She held the blanket in her hands and her eyes met Azriel's as his siphons sparkled lightly. Mor gave him a cocky grin and slumped back in the chair sipping on her wine.
"It was between this and red, and I thought this one fits better." Elain was sure she saw a slight blush on Azriel's face before his shadows hid him in the archway.
After the solstice she chucked that blanket in her dresser, for months it stayed there, buried under winter cloak and old towels. She took it out a week ago. It was the closest she could get herself to him. She slept curled up under it, dreaming of golden-brown skin and wild dark hair wishing the hazel-eyed warrior was under it with her, cradling her with his wings.
But he was far away in Spring court now. This blanket was the closest thing she had of him. She walked to the bed, sitting on the edge when she remembered the book. She hurried to the bedside table and picked it up, unwrapping the lilac scarf which was protecting it.
Fireheart read the title of the book. She stared at it so many times before, but never opened it. She was scared to find whatever he wanted to tell her then. But now, it seemed like there might be an answer hiding in that book.
She sat in the chair by the window, grabbing the throw from her bed wrapping herself inside it. It wasn't even noon yet, the sun was slowly climbing up the sky, as she opened the book, and started reading.
She was expecting a romance book, and she was surprised to find a story of a warrior, fighting his way through life, protecting his cruel queen in desperate need to prove he was something more. He was strong and vicious, an outcast from society, even though he was a prince. Everybody shunned him, for the deeds of his father. He fought hard and bravely, protecting the kingdom when he met his wife. Shortly after he found out they are mates and she became pregnant with their first child. But the war was raging in the kingdom and the queen made him his general, giving him a chance to earn the fame and glory he wished for so hard. In the battle, he lost himself, forgot who he was, his dream and hopes vanished with the blood of his enemies. He was drowning in the rage of the battlefield.
When the last battle has ended, the last enemy was defeated, he walked out victorious. Only to come home to find his mate, the love of his life slaughtered. The pain and pure agony shattered him, his body covered in scars that were the same as the one marking his soul forever.
Hundreds of years passed, he regained his glory, he was feared across the land, most trusted warrior, a legend with his kind.
When one day the queen send him to find a young woman who was leading rebels against her and kill her, he didn't expect what he found. He expected a warrior just like him, but she was soft and kind, surrounded with books, sitting in the reading room of a small cottage.
As he walked into the house, ready to kill her, she screamed, begged for her life. And as he was pressing the dagger to her throat something in him shifted. He felt the pull, pull deep in his soul he last felt when his wife died. Bright blue eyes and soft olive skin were not the eyes of a killer or a warrior he was presented with.
He looked around the room and he suddenly saw it. Herbs drying on the walls, vials with a various range of liquids. She was a healer. Not a warrior. Between her sobs, she explained, that she healed people from the curse queen was putting on them.
She told him her story, how she lost her whole family, to the curse queen was putting on the land, and how she couldn't heal them.
"There is a curse in you as well, I can see it, but it is different than the one I usually deal with." She said to him. He knew his curse, and also knew there was no remedy for it.
When she handed him the vial with bright green liquid he didn't question it. Maybe it is the poison that will take him back to his love.
The healer was right, there was a curse in him, placed by the queen. And as he gulped the last drops suddenly he saw the truth, about his wife, about mate he mourned for centuries. He never returned to the queen after that day, he protected the healer and helped her with saving people, and she healed his soul as well. Three years after he came to her house he suddenly saw her. The real her. And their bond snapped in place.
Light has faded from the room, Elain was holding the book tightly and tears were trickling down her cheeks. She turned the page and got to the part Azriel marked for her.
Sun was dancing across her skin as she lay in bed with me. Was it the sun or was she the sunshine he was looking for all these years? He never thought that the scars in him could be erased but she healed him; erased the darkness which devoured him and her sunshine was now living in him as well. He brushed her slender shoulders and moved her silky hair from her neck, slowly kissing her collar bone. He never wanted to leave her, this was his paradise, her in his arms, and he would protect her with his life until the stars are nothing but dust. He isn't worthy of her love. He was scared every day that his past will come back and destroy her life; if he was less selfish he would walk away, and leave her here, let her find a kind man, without a stained past. Man who isn't covered in so much death. But he can't, he can't walk away. He will be with her as long as she lets him. He is hers, and she is his.
Elain couldn't see the words on the page as tears filled up her eyes. Her heart was racing and the sun was now setting above the garden, day slipped away without her noticing. She took a deep breath and continued reading.
But the queen has found them, thinking all those years her general was dead, she was furious. She came to the cottage in the middle of the night intended to kill them. After she was done with the healer who was laying on the floor bloodied, left to watch the love of her life being killed by her she walked to him. The healer's eyes were locked with his in panic, blood trickling from her chest and stomach.
Queen's rage was so great that it blinded her, she didn't notice the spell healer had put on the general, and as she landed the killing blow, stab in his chest mirrored in Queen's as well.
Queen fell to the ground with shock, she aimed for the heart of her general. He heaved on the floor crawling to his love, leaving the queen to die. The healer had planned to save his love, she hoped he will protect her and she will be able to save his life. But her injuries were so big, she couldn't do it. She felt life fading away, from both of them; the wounds were fatal, and they both knew it.
They died holding each other. With the queen dead, her curse was broken, nobody knew, that it was the healer who saved them.
It was midnight when she finished the book. Her eyes were red and cheeks puffy from the way she cried while reading. Elain knew then, that Nesta did not send her this book. Her sister loved reading but this wasn't a story she would enjoy. This was a story of war, and Nesta hated war. She said she had enough of war for one lifetime.
But Elain knew there were different kinds of wars happening every day. The worst, hiding in minds. She knew there was a battle in her mind, ever since she got out of the cauldron. But now, she started to see the war raging in a different mind. Hiding behind the hazel eyes. The war she did not see before.
As Azriel walked into the dining room of House of wind he was surprised to find Elain sitting at the table with Nesta, eating dinner. They stayed in Spring Court longer than anticipated and he was glad to be back, ready to eat, wash and sleep.
Elain's eyes widened and she blushed slightly. Her pale skin turned rosy pink at her face and her chest, which warmed something inside Azriel. He forgot about food and long-needed rest. She was here. Was she waiting for him to come back? Of course not. She was angry with him for months.
Before he had a chance to say anything Cassian bumped into him with a wide grin and strode towards Nesta.
"Hello, boys." She said teasing and Cassian launched at her and kissed her wildly. Elain felt her blush deepen and turned her look down.
"Hi, Nes." Cassian pinched Nesta's bottom and she slapped his arm, laughing. Azriel turned back to Elain. She felt his gaze on her and her eyes flicked to the book which was placed right next to her plate, with pink ribbing sticking out of it. He stilled. The book he gave her months ago, he wondered often if she has read it, or if she threw it away. For a while he thought maybe Cassian had taken it back to the library, she gave the books to him since that day to return. But when he asked Gwyn she said she never heard of the title.
"Is it interesting?" Azriel asked and Elain lifted her gaze to his. Hazel eyes burning into hers she felt the breath catch in her throat.
"I liked it very much." Liked. She liked it. She kept the book and she read it. And she liked it as well. His favorite book, the one he took with him to every camp since he was a child.
Elain noticed a gentle smile spreading on his face and she couldn't help but smile as well. Her heart was beating fast.
Fireheart was amazing, the story had a grip on her for days after she finished it and she carried the characters and their words with her like a treasure. She wasn't a big reader, but this book became her favorite and she wanted to reread it the moment she finished. She flipped through it many times since, to reread her favorite parts, lingered on some pages longer than others.
She would never admit how many times she read the part when the healer and the general spend their first night together. She never enjoyed the books Nesta read, as it seemed too explicit for her and the whole thing always made her feel uncomfortable. She felt ashamed afterwards.
But this, this was different. The part written with so much emotion and passion, Elain felt the warmth spreading through her, leaving parts of her body tingling with need and desire.
Now, sitting here, and knowing that Azriel read the same things, knew that she read it too, made her feel just the same as when she read the book. She pressed her thighs together her breathing turning a little bit shaky.
Azriel stiffened, as the smell of her arousal hit him. He was still standing by the door, and now he didn't dare move an inch. The smoky scent wrapped around his mind, his cock twitched. He wanted to know so badly what was she thinking about. Was it him? Was she imagining him and her together? His eyes narrowed on her, the animal inside him waking up, something primal wanting to snatch her away, kiss and lick every part of her body. He imagined it a thousand times by now.
Being gentle with her, and slowly peeling her clothes away as he pressed soft kisses on her alabaster skin, Elain brushing chest skin with those tender fingers. But he also could see them, Elain on her knees while he towered over her, grabbing her rear as he slammed into her from behind with the need he felt since the moment he saw her for the first time.
"Do not ask her about that book Az, she was babbling about it for the past two days. I had enough." Nesta said and shot Elain a smirk. Before Elain could reply Cassian flipped Nesta over his shoulder and sprinted out of the dining room. She shrieked and slammed his back with her fists. Azriel chuckled and shook his head with disbelief. He was happy for his brother finding his mate, by cauldron he deserved happiness and love in his life.
But every time Cassian and Nesta kissed or hugged it was a sharp reminder that his mate was gone. That the woman he loved was somebody else's mate and he couldn't do anything about it even if he wanted.
Rhys was right, he knew he was right, but he did not agree with it. Azriel understood that Rhys was protecting him, protecting Velaris since this would reflect on his whole court if Lucien decided to demand retribution for this. Azriel wasn't sure if Lucien would do that. His family was cruel and bloodthirsty but despite that, and all the time he spent with Tamlin, Lucien seemed to be different. If Elain chose this for herself he wouldn't want her to suffer.
Elain had all of her choices taken away from her, she lost her life, her fiancé, her father, her home. And the most important choice of her life has been taken away from her as well. The choice to love whoever she wanted. How was it fair? How could the Mother be so cruel to let it be, that this woman could not choose love for herself?
"You must be hungry," Elain said, her voice soft and a little bit shaky. The smell of her arousal was still lingering around the dining room. Azriel didn't move. He was hungry, starving, but it wasn't the food he wanted to devour at the moment. He lifted his eyebrows with a smirk and licked his bottom lip. Elain eyes widdened.
"Yes, I am starving," he said with a husky voice and his cock hardened with the idea of him devouring Elain on this table, licking her until she screamed so loud everybody in Velaris could hear.
"Feyra and Rhys went to Court of Nightmares with Mor. Nyx is already asleep upstairs." She rumbled out so fast her words blended. She was nervous.
"Oh," Azriel replied. Rhys is gone. Azriel gathered up his courage and slowly walked into the room. But instead of taking the seat opposite Elain he walked around the table and dragged Nesta's chair right next to her.
The house obliged his choice and in a moment the place setting with hot stew appeared in front of him right next to the big cup of wine. As he sat down his wings gently brushed Elain's shoulder and he felt her shudder.
"How was the Spring court?" She asked casually, without looking up. Elain took a tentative sip from her wine and Azriel noticed her hand shaking as she placed the cup back on a table.
"It was..." he sighed heavily, "...long." he stayed quiet for a long moment, the silence between them building up as a bubble. He moved his hand across the table and gently held hers in his palm. Her smell was now wrapped around his mind, his throat, his cock; he could not think straight, could not stop the next words falling out of his lips.
"I missed you." The words hit her like a blow and she couldn't hold it much longer. She had no idea what came over her, she never felt something like this in her life, as she lunged across her seat towards him, crawling into his lap and kissing him ferociously. She didn't wait, could not wait for him to kiss her. To make the first move. It was like her body did it for her and she was roaming her fingers through his hair, slowly caressing his neck. His shadows stayed back the whole time like they were leaving them the privacy.
Azriel wasn't sure how long it took him to get over the shock of the current situation, when has he started returning the kisses she gave him. And as his lips parted and her tongue swept in his heart almost jumped out his chest. His cock was hard and he was sure she felt it. Must felt it the way she seated herself, her legs now wrapped around his hips, pushing closer and closer towards him. He felt like he couldn't breathe as he grabbed her ass and squeezed gently.
A soft moan escaped her at the touch. He never heard her make such a sound, and to hear it again, he would destroy the worlds. He would do and give anything to be with this female. He didn't care about Lucian, about Rhys and war. Nothing mattered as she kissed her way down his neck. He wanted to do this, cover her in kisses, yet he was so mesmerized by the situation that he let her do it. Let her decide what she wants.
"I couldn't stop thinking about you. Day and night," she whispered to his chest as she continued kissing him. His arms roamed up her thighs, lifting her skirts higher and higher.
"Did you think about this?" he rasped and squeezed her thigs stronger. She moaned and that sound was his undoing.
"Yes," she whispered.
"Did you touch yourself at night while thinking about me?" he moaned while biting her bottom lip and she nodded.
Elain could not stop. Would not stop kissing him, she wasn't sure if she could stop herself even if Cassian and Nesta walked inside of the room. She never kissed anyone like this, never let anyone touch her like this.
"I thought about you too. I always think about you." Azriel replied and he almost passed out as her hand on his neck accidentally brushed the soft spot on the inside of his wing. She could bring him to his knees if she wanted. One word from her would make him beg for her.
Elain wasn't sure what was going to happen, but the idea of them having sex wasn't off the table. They can do it on the table. She wanted to give him everything in a way she never gave herself to anyone else.
Graysen took Elain to bed, he insisted on her for weeks and weeks until she finally gave in, but she felt nothing. His kisses and touches never made her skin burn, and for her heart to beat this fast. After he removed himself from her, she just laid there, not knowing for sure how to feel. She didn't say no, but she did not say yes. He wanted it so bad and she was scared he would leave her, or that he would think she did not love him, so she let him do it.
She never imagined herself with a man, but with Azriel, she could not stop thinking about it. When he touched her, all the things she ever read in Nesta's books came to her mind, all of the wicked things lovers did in those stories.
"I get so wet every time I think about you touching me like this." he groaned. His hand slowly moved up her torso, brushing her hips and stomach. One hand still roaming up her thigh, so close to that spot she wanted him in the most. His other hand stayed at her breast. She gasped.
"I want to lick and suck your nipples so hard it would make you come." He whispered to her and she gasped. She always thought that the foul language she heard Nesta and Cassian speak was disgusting, but when it was directed to her, it somehow felt different. She left the spot between her legs to soften even more and melt liquid.
"I want that too." She replied, her voice hoarse. His eyes widened and he pulled her dress down leaving her chest exposed completely. Her breasts were small but perfect, the round pink nipple was hardened with her arousal. He stared at her beauty for a minute before he lunged at her and devoured her completely.
"Yes," She moaned, her noises now much louder as he sucked and circled her soft peak with his tongue. One of her hands was still in his hair, but her other hand pushed his higher up her thigh. Azriel let her, as she moved his hand between her thighs and she moaned again. When his fingers touched the soft spot between her legs, her back arched slightly. His balls twitched when he found out how wet she was, her underwear soaked completely. His fingers circled her clit, only that soft fabric between him and her.
"Please." She moaned as Azriel bit on her nipple she felt like she could not bear it anymore, the pressure inside her was building up as if she was about to burst out of her skin. She guided the hand between his thighs for a moment, showing him what she liked, but he knew instantly. She had no doubt about it, it was like his hand was hers, and every touch he gave her brought her pleasure. Her body was his as well. They felt like one, like a mirror. She saw herself in him.
"Azriel, please..." She begged as she felt his hardness pushing towards her rear, so she shuffled in his lap and a loud moan escaped his mouth as well as he moved to the other nipple. Before he could stop her, she moved backwards a little bit, making up space for what was she about to do. She undid the buckle on his pants swiftly and slid her hand in. She started stroking him as well. It was so unlike her, to do something like this, but she felt like she can't stop herself. Like her body wanted his. More, more, more! She stroked that soft skin, and he moaned loudly. They were so close, her entrance was aching for him, and she almost felt like there was an invisible string pulling her towards him.
There wasn't much space for her to do with the tight pants on him, but her touch was all he needed. He could not believe she is touching him at all. The pressure building in him was almost unbearable and she knew he is close. It was far too long since he was with anyone, he knew he is not going to last much longer. Yet still, he needed more from, more of her.
"Please don't stop." He rasped and tugged with his teeth on her nipple hard.
When Elain thought she could not bear it any longer his fingers slipped under the soft cloth of her underwear and she was undone. Her skin shiny with sweat, she cried out as his fingers brushed at her entrance. He did not move inside her, but the closeness of him, the mere idea of him being inside her carried her to oblivion. Her body was shaking as she climaxed and his soft touches carried her through it, his mouth still roaming her breast.
Azriel looked up at her and kissed her neck then mouth as the orgasm shook her body, she cried his name as he kissed her, silencing the proof of her pleasure on her lips. And with that kiss, he was undone as well.
He continued kissing her until his kisses changed into gentle pecks. Her breath was finally slowing down. She fixed her dress but remained seated in his lap. She took a napkin and cleaned him, the gentle gesture surprised him. He spilled in his pants, he could not care less about it, but she brushed the cloth napkin over him in that intimate gesture and buckled his pants again. He observed her with awe, when she was done, she threw the napkin on the floor and her arms wrapped around him once more. He took a few deep breaths himself to calm down. They stayed like this for a long while. The clock in the hallway chimed eleven. He wanted to stay with her like this. Holding her closest to his heart as possible. The clock chimed again, and as he glanced at it, he saw it was half-past eleven.
"I had a mate." He said. A confession of the truth he did not dare to speak to anyone for years. Did not plan to speak at all, especially now. It just came out of him, words flew out before he could stop them.
"What do you mean?" Elain asked confused.
"She... She died." He thought it will be hard to confess this, say it out loud for the first time, but it wasn't. Somehow his chest felt lighter.
"I didn't know her very well, I met her at one of the camps when I was young, she was one of the few females there, and she was a strong and fierce healer. The mating bond snapped in place the moment we first saw each other. It hit me like a bag of rocks. Her name was Iddiana." Elain did not dare move. He was sharing part of him, sharing the war inside him with somebody else, so he isn't the lonely general in it anymore, and she knew it. She wanted to be there and help him.
"I was in the camp alone. We've been separated, me, Cas and Rhys for years. They don't know about her," he continued and his finger started drawing idle circles on her back.
"We did not have much time together to get to know each other. But we wanted to try. She said if I am not a possessive asshole who will keep her from her job, we can make it work." Azriel laughed at the memory of her words.
"I was sent to a different camp a month later. She decided to stay because her brother was in the camp with her. He was wounded in one of the battles, and she was taking care of him." he paused for a bit and took another deep breath. "I was two hundred miles away from the camp when I felt it." She squeezed him harder.
"I felt her dying, and there was nothing I could have done." His voice was shaking like he was about to cry. She lifted her head from his chest and when she saw those hazel eyes glistening in tears her heart ached.
"By the time I got there, the whole camp was decimated by the enemy's army. There were so many bodies, blood everywhere. I couldn't find her, her scent, I was in panic." A tear slipped down his cheek and Elain was crying with him.
"Then I saw her brother, he was still alive. Somehow she managed to carry him out of the tent to the tree line, she wanted to save him. I looked around him and there she was. On the ground, half-naked and her throat slit. I knew... I knew what happened to her before she died...and it killed me. She didn't just die, she suffered so much, from the bruises and cuts on her body.... I knew what they did." Elain was sobbing, she couldn't stop herself.
"Her brother died shortly after I got there, he was smart enough to remember the names of the males who did it. I think that's why he held out. He was waiting for me to come, so he could tell me who did this to her." Azriel took a deep breath before he continued.
"It took me two years to find them. They knew I was after them, so they managed to escape for a long time. Eventually, I killed them." She held his face in his hands and brushed the tears from his cheeks.
"I am sorry," Elain whispered to him, she wasn't sure what to do next. She was staring at him, as if she was seeing it, seeing him for the first time. Shadow he placed on himself lifted. She suspected that there is something more torturing him but did not know what. Feyra told Elain that Azriel was pinning after Mor for a very long time, and she thought it was that. Loving somebody for hundreds of years, without having the love returned was painful enough but this... Before she could say anything steps sounded on the staircase and she moved swiftly from him and seated herself back at the chair.
Azriel took the spoon and started eating now cold stew when Cassian walked in. He looked them over and grinned.
"I am going to check on Nyx." Elain said and left the dining room before Cassian could tease them about what happened minutes ago in there. Azriel watched her leave.
"It seems somebody requires a chaperone." Cassian teased and sat opposite his brother. Elain's smell was all over Azriel, he knew Cassian could smell it.
"Keep any comments to yourself." He snarled and wolfed down the stew.
"Rhys is going to flip out, you know that," Cassian said and took Elain's unfinished cup of wine.
"Are you going to..." Azriel started but he couldn't finish. He was about to ask his brother if he is going to tell Rhys about what happened here, but he felt stupid. He is not a child to be told what he can and cannot do.
"No. He is my Highlord but you are my brother. That comes first. I wouldn't want to do something against his orders but we are brothers first Az. I want you to be happy. Just make sure you have considered the consequences." Cassian said, worry and pain in his voice. Azriel nodded.
"What is it about this dining table that makes people go crazy?" Cassian said and he laughed. Azriel couldn't help but laugh with him. How the cards had changed, he wondered. Same dining table, different brother. Their laughter made Azriel ease up a little bit. This was the changing point. This was the moment which is going to change their lives, and he knew it. Whether it will be for good or bad, he was uncertain. Azriel glanced at the empty seat where Elain sat a few minutes ago and he noticed that his book was gone. She took it with her. He smiled. Maybe it was about time for him to go and take the book back.
She has her head in his lap as he reads from the book out loud. His fingers are idly playing with her hair and she feels safe. She closes her eyes and focuses on the sound of his voice when suddenly he stopped reading, his hands moved down her cheek then to her neck. His calloused fingers brushing against her soft skin – it is her favorite feeling in the world.
She let him tease her when his grip tightened, her skin started to prickle and her heart beat faster. The room suddenly became very quiet. She opened her mouth to ask him why did he stop, but no words came out.
Something sharp and prickly suddenly wrapped around her chest, and the soft touch of his hands she felt until now changed to that same rough scraping that continued up her chin and started piercing her lips. Blood started streaming from her bottom lip when she opened her eyes and realized, she was in the room alone.
Azriel wasn't there, it was just her and ivy spreading across the bed, tying her down, slashing her skin with sharp thorns intertwined through it. She glanced at the window and saw more of the ivy coming in. Gentle whispers sounded across the room, it seemed like it was coming from the leaves as they crept it.
You are not enough
Elain felt tears trickling down her cheeks but she could not move. Her body wasn't hers anymore, she felt like a puppet who had its strings cut.
You will never be happy
The voice whispered again. And she tried to fight it. No, she will be happy, he will make her happy and she will be with him. She will help him heal his soul, tend to it, tend to his heart like it is the most precious garden and she will make it shine.
You will die alone
The images of Azriel dying on a battlefield, being pierced through his stomach, his beautiful wings being cut off, she saw that image in so many of her nightmares, yet still, it made her cry with horror. But tonight she couldn't cry, no sound would escape her. She felt like the unspoken words of a plea, cries for help she wasn't able to voice were suffocating her. Pushing her deeper and deeper in ivy's snare.
You don't deserve love
She doesn't. She knows it. Everybody who ever loved her left. She was always left alone, nobody stayed long enough to see what is inside. She is useless, she is not helping anybody, her gifts can't be used anywhere. How can she help anybody? Save them, when she can't save herself? They will see it, one day, how useless she is, when all of her flowers will wilt and die? When she no longer has the power to tend to them, the colour will fade and there will be nothing left that will hide her from that horrible truth.
He is going to leave you when he sees what is inside you
She knew that was the truth. When he sees her shadows, he will run away, and she will be alone again. Alone. With this darkness, eating her, cutting her from the inside out, destroying every piece of the person she once was, she wanted to be. The moment she stepped into the cauldron, that person died. And what was left of her, she did not know her. Everything seemed strange and alien to her. Dark and useless. She wanted to drown in that cauldron. She should have. It would have been easier; the way her sisters looked at her those first months, she was causing them pain, hurting them and she hated that.
But then, a soft voice came, asking her if she would like to go to the garden, one afternoon, it was him. His voice and he took her there and sat down with her. She observed his hazel eyes with wonder. His look was different. He looked at her curiously, as if he was trying to figure out, what is behind that lovely beautiful exterior everybody complimented on so often. She let him peak in, for a moment and he smiled.
So she put on a mask, tried it day after day until fit so perfectly it hid the darkness in her. Until nobody could see the shadows spreading through her soul like that ivy, snuffing out her essence.
Nobody cares about you.
Nobody thinks she is interesting, she knows that. Elain and her flowers. Nobody cares.
I care.
A deep voice suddenly sounded through her head. And then she saw him, standing in the garden looking at her, his wings wrapped around her.
I care.
The voice was stronger now. He cared about her. He said it.
Elain I care, I am here.
That voice sounded so clear and she felt the ivy loosening her grip. He cares about her, she repeated those words in her mind, in her soul. Her mirror, he is always there, seeing her.
Yes, I see you, open your eyes.
She tried but she couldn't, is it always going to be this dark inside of her? Is there ever going to be light?
Yes, there is light, just open your eyes Elain.
It was strange, the voice in these dreams never answered. She managed to whisper his name and her throat felt raw like she was shouting, screaming.
Come to me, I am here, I see you, just open your eyes.
The ivy was just crawling around her skin now like there was something pulling it away from her. The feeling was overwhelming, but it wasn't suffocating anymore. She wiggled a little bit and suddenly a strong hand grabbed her palm and she knew that touch. She would know it at the end of the world by now.
He was here with her. She wasn't alone. Elain opened her eyes and found herself in his arms.
Azriel was stroking her hair as she sobbed scared and confused. When he heard her scream his heart stopped for a few seconds. He ran to her room as fast as he could, but Cassian was there first, she was tossing and turning on the bed, screaming.
"Where is Nesta?" Azriel asked as Nesta appeared in the doorway. She jumped to bed, trying to calm down her sister, but nothing was working. First, she said it, he thought he must have heard wrong, his name was a whisper on her lips mixed with a cry.
When she said it for the second time more urgent, he stiffened. Nesta flashed him a look what did you do to her? And Elain cried again, saying his name over and over and over. It was torture like he was being shredded to pieces, he kneeled by the door burying his face into his hands.
He deserved this, he caused her so much pain and she hated him for it. Why didn't he go to her straight after he left the dining room? He wanted to, stood in front of her room for long minutes. He was scared of what will wait on the other side of the door for him, so he acted like a coward and left.
"He can see me, only he can see me... He is my mirror." Elain whispered. Azriel lifted his head and with teary eyes looked at the bed. Nesta was still holding her sister when Cassian reached her.
"Nes, you should let him..." He said softly. Cassian nodded towards Azriel and Nesta snarled at him like an animal.
"Nesta." Her name was a silent order on his lips and she reluctantly moved on the bed, not leaving it completely. Azriel stood up and walked towards Elain, her sobs getting quieter. He wasn't sure what to do, she started crying again and it broke his heart.
"Nobody cares." She whispered. He sat on the bed and moved her towards him, holding her in his arms.
"I care." He replied and stroked her hair. Nesta was still sitting on the edge of the bed. Watching him like a hawk, waiting for the first sign of trouble.
"Elain, I care, I am here," Azriel repeated and held her closer to his chest.
"He is my mirror, he sees me." He kissed her hair softly. Their scent was still mixed. He wanted to help her but he did not know how.
"Yes, I see you, open your eyes." He brushed her cheek and observed her face flushed, streamed with tears. Her eyelids fluttered gently but she kept her eyes closed still.
"Is there ever going to be light?" She asked wearily, her voice was hoarse from the shouting and screaming. It was a surprise she did not wake up Nyx.
"Yes, there is light, just open your eyes Elain." And then he knew what he has to do, how he can help her. His shadows gathered around him and reached towards her. Nesta screamed but Cassian grabbed her. And then he saw it. Azriel saw the darkness and shadows gathering inside her, he saw them in full, not just glimpses like before. So he did the only thing he could, he took them, all of them and mixed them with his until there were none left. The rush of power went through him as he took in a sharp breath, the pain shooting up in his muscles and skin, he felt on fire. Her shadows were so much stronger than anything he ever experienced. And she walked with this in her soul every day? She never said anything.
He sorted through them one by one, and he saw all of the raw and nasty moments which haunted her. His face appeared way too often, but there were others, three sisters starving in the cottage, her mother dying, her father dying. Her climbing out of the cauldron, the male she was engaged to insulting and refusing her. He saw her sitting in the river house, preparing a tea from purplish-black berries he recognized. Belladonna berries. Did she want to end it? He cried this time out loud, he was there and he did not see it. The scene changed and suddenly a man was forcing himself on her on the bed, she lay there still without a single emotion while he climbed atop her. He wanted to scream as well. Stop it, kill him in his tracks but he couldn't. This was her past. This already happened. And he wasn't there to protect her, to help her.
"Azriel..." she whispered. And his shadows hummed. Consuming remains of hers. He knew he can't take the root out, they will always be there and grow stronger again if she lets them. But he will be there this time, he will hold her hand and help her through it. She can do this, she just needs somebody who will see it, somebody who will see her through it.
"Come to me, I am here, I see you, just open your eyes."
She was in his arms, but this time for real. This was real, and he was holding her tightly, shaking. Nesta and Cassian were standing at the door staring at her. Nesta was pale as a ghost and when Elain looked at her, her sister jumped to the bed and started hugging her. Azriel moved but Nesta grabbed his hand. Tears streamed down her face.
"Thank you." She said softly to him and he nodded.
"Are you okay?" She asked Elain who smile wearily in answer. She was sweaty as if she was running and she felt out of breath.
"I am sorry..." Elain said with that sweet soft tone, but her strained voice gave up and she started coughing.
"I am so sorry. Sorry I didn't see... Oh, Elain." Nesta cried again and kissed her sister's forehead. Did she see what he saw when he took those shadows out? Azriel looked at his brother who was standing by the door. He nodded in silent answer. Elain reached her hand for Azriel and he squeezed it tight and held it to his chest.
"I see you." He said and she nodded. There was a long journey ahead of her, but he saw her. She will not let her shadows make her disappear again. She will fight for this. For this feeling.
Nesta insisted on calling a healer in the morning and only after Elain agreed to it, did she persuade her sister she is okay to go to bed.
Cassian gave Elain a gentle smile and left with Nesta, the door clicked and she turned around, Azriel was still standing there watching her.
"You... you saw..." She started but she could not finish. She knew he saw it all.
"I was there, that day when you made that tea, I saw you on that day and felt something was different. But I couldn't figure it out. And I should have, I should have known..." His voice broke and he closed his eyes and gritted his teeth.
Elain walked towards him and held his cheek in her palm.
"You saved me on that day." She said and his eyes shot wide open.
"I was making that tea, everybody was out for the day, and I knew it is my chance to do it. I had it planned for months. But you came and you brought me tulips. You said..." he remembered that day.
"Those are the first tulips of the season, and I thought you should have them." She nodded with teary eyes.
"They were so colorful and I couldn't stop staring at them. I had them in my room for a week. Reminding me, that there is light, in this world. It was you, back then, you were my light." She was crying again and he held her close to his chest. She looked up at him and smiled.
"You saw me, you brought me light when I was in the dark." She tiptoed and kissed his lips gently. They exchanged soft kisses for a while as tears streamed down his face as well.
He is not sure how long they stand there, the softness of her body pushed towards him is making him lose track of time. The power of her shadows entering his was overwhelming for a moment but as she reached him, the feeling disappeared. His shadows retreated and it was just him and her in the world now.
He brushed his hand through her hair and she laughed nervously.
"I am all sweaty and disgusting. I feel like I've been running for miles." He pulled her chin and gave her one more peck on the lips.
"You are beautiful." She blushed and their eyes locked.
"I need a bath." Her eyes wouldn't leave his, and it took him a while to understand. His heart rate picked up and a wicked grin spread across his face.
"Well then, let's get you clean." And before she knew it, he lifted her like she weigh nothing and took her to the bathroom.
The tub was small, and already filling with water. There was no way he could get in there with her, as much as he wished. Elain was breathing heavily, her mouth slightly open and he slowly eased her from his arms. She was not sure if her shaky knees would hold her up. They stayed like that for a moment staring at each other. He didn't move and just looked at her. Azriel was letting her decide what was going to happen, his eyes trying to tell her, how much he wanted to stay, to have it all but he would be okay if she said no. She saw it in his eyes, he would not make any more decisions for her, he would let her choose this. He was beyond decisions. There wasn't any other option for him than her. And it didn't make him sad, or scared, he knew that as long as she wanted him, he would be there.
Elain glanced towards the door wondering if they should close it. What if Nesta came back to check on her, what if Nyx woke up with a nightmare and decided to come here?
Azriel looked the same way and took a step to the door as if to leave her when she grabbed his wrist.
"Stay." She said, her voice sounded unsure, but it was not how she felt. She wanted him to be there. She was drowning in his lush smell and the mere idea of his leaving was making her heart ache. She wanted this, she chose this, him and her. The only decision in her life she ever wanted to make on her own.
"Please?" She added as a look of uncertainty spread through his face. Elain wasn't going to let him leave. She walked to the door and closed it. The soft click sounded through the room echoing through the thick air swallowing them. Her heart was now racing so fast she was sure he must hear it. She moved the straps of her nightgown from her shoulders and let it down her hips until it fell to the floor. He was standing next to the tub wearing just loose cotton trousers. She wanted to reach her hands, touch his muscled skin, and trail her fingers over the lines of his tattoos. She moved her underwear down, bending in front of him, and her eyes fell to his sharp muscles pointing below his waistband. She held him in his hand but she never saw him fully and it was all she could think of now.
As she straightened he looked her up and down.
"You..." he started and failed to finish the sentence. Instead, he reached his hand and she took it. Elain glanced to the floor, a blush spreading through her face and chest. Her skin was on fire with lust and fear. She never let a man see her like this. Nobody, in fact, saw her like this, not just naked skin, but a naked soul. And it was scary, scarier than her dreams, but she would tackle this fear. His rough fingers brushed her jaw and pulled her chin up.
"You are breathtaking." He kissed the corner of her mouth and she melted under his touch. Wanted more from his than a sweet kiss, more. More, more, more!
But he was taking his time. His palms gently brushed her neck, trailing down her shoulders until he held her hands again and pointed to the tub. She took a tentative step and sat down in warm bubbly water.
Azriel took the soap from the side of the tub started washing her. The smell of lavender was slowly spreading through the room. He wondered if there are moments like this in the world if there was someone out there who stood at the same place as he was now, moving worlds and barriers of their fears.
He took his time and she observed him. Moving her arms and legs to give her better access. When he brushed her soft breasts her breath caught and she closed her eyes. Her nipples perked up and all he wanted to do was kiss them. He continued. Slowly down her stomach and as he reached her navel, he lingered for a bit. Drawing lazy circles with the soap and she shifted in the tub higher, making his hand slip lower. He wanted to plunge his hand under the water and dive his fingers inside of her, he could still remember the taste of her from earlier that night. The memory of her moans made him harden and he knew he can't prolong this any longer. He needs more.
He stood up and grabbed a towel.
"Up." He said and she obliged. He wrapped her in the towel and lifted her in his arms.
"Thank you." She said and kissed him. His heart was going wild. He returned the kiss, pushing his tongue in her mouth as she opened up for him, and as she moaned he felt his knees buckle. It was a muscle memory that took him back to the bedroom. They didn't break from the kiss. It was deep and demanding, their mouths crashing wildly, her hands were roaming through his hair as he landed her on the bed. Azriel didn't have a chance to do anything before she grabbed him and he landed on top of her.
"I need you." She rasped and he growled with need. His cock was now twitching with the sight of her, she tugged the towel and when her breasts touched his bare chest he almost lost his control.
"I don't think I can take it easy," Azriel replied, he wanted this too much, for a long time, he wanted to be wild with her, but he was scared if that was what she wanted. As if she heard his thoughts her palms cupped his ass and squeezed.
"I wouldn't want you to." She replied and pulled his trousers down.
Azriel shifted only a little bit so he can undress but that single moment fell like torture when his body left hers. She locked her legs around his waist and started kissing his chest. His hand brushed her navel and she bent urging him. He lowered and started kissing her breasts and his fingers finally brushed inside of her thigh. He continued circling his tongue around her nipple as it hardened.
"I dreamed about this for a long time." He croaked and as he bit into her nipple his finger dove inside her. She was ready for him and we wanted to linger on that soft spot, he wanted to tease her, see her squirm but he couldn't anymore.
"Azriel!" she cried as he added the second finger and went knuckle deep, brushing her swollen nub with his thumb and she cried, her body convulsing with incoming orgasm. He did not slow down, his fingers thrusting inside as he watched her dissolve under his touch and when he felt her tighten around his fingers he drowned her cry with a wild kiss.
Her body was shaking with the wave of pleasure, but he wasn't done. When his fingers left her, the grip of her legs around him tightened and she wiggled around his hard cock which was now brushing her lower stomach.
"I am never going to get tired of this." He said as his fingers reached his mouth and he licked them clean. Elain reached for his cock and positioned him at her entrance, not leaving him any time to tease her anymore and she pushed him in. He cried out with pleasure and she was trying to move further but she couldn't. This would not do, Elain used his shock and grabbed his body and turned them around, he landed on his back and she finally gained access to what she wanted as she lowered herself to take him in.
"Elain, fuck!" He rasped but she pushed his arms down as he reached for her hips, trying to slow her down. She took him in, and her body ached with a mixture of pain and pleasure. She stilled for a moment, taking him in, getting used to the feeling on his considerable length filling her so deeply. She moved her hips from side to side and he moaned again.
A wicked grin spread through her face and she lowered to kiss his chest. She knew, he could break free of her anytime he wanted, she was tiny compared to him, but he was letting her take charge. She slowly started moving up and down, riding him. Her eyes never left him, his hazel eyes darkened as he joined her movements. Their pace was picking up and he was hitting her deeper and deeper. Elain lost her grip on him as he slammed into her with hard thrusts and cried out loud. He turned them around and lifted her legs on his shoulders.
"Az..." She cried and closed her eyes.
"Look at me." He ordered.
He was getting even deeper in her now and she felt herself getting closer to climax again. His hand wrapped around her neck and he kissed her hard. She bit his bottom lip and he swore.
"You want more?" he asked her and she nodded barely catching her breath.
"Faster or harder?" his voice was so dark.
"Both." His other hand reached to that soft spot between her legs and he started brushing her swollen spot. Their pace was now frantic, he was close and she could feel it. She was digging her nails in his back trying to get him closer, deeper inside her.
"Come for me." He ordered again and she obliged. With one hard thrust, she felt her walls tightening around him and he fell apart as well. Spilling inside her he kept moving as her orgasm blinded her. Her ears were ringing and she was crying, begging, she never wanted for this feeling to end. His fingers circled between her legs gently squeezing the last bits of her climax out.
He slowed down, his breath shaking and she could feel his heart beating fast as he collapsed on her.
He eased himself out of her. She was everything. This female was everything to him, and he would give everything to have her, to be with her. He stayed on the bed for a moment but then he stood up and went to the bathroom. Azriel cleaned himself quickly and he took the washing cloth from the tub, run it under the warm water for a while and returned to the room. She was laying there just as he left her.
He gently cleaned her, removing the marks of his cum between her legs, even though he could look at the sight of her filled with him for days. She giggled, soft blush looming on her face again. He tossed the towel through the bathroom door and climbed in bed with her.
His wings cocooned her close to his chest. He is going to show her, where to touch him on his wings, he will show her everything on his body which brings him pleasure, and he will find every place on her body that makes her moan. He is going to watch her until there isn't a single part of her he would not know. Every inch of this skin he will claim for himself.
"I want you to be mine." She said suddenly.
"And I want you to be mine," Azriel replied and kissed her temple.
"Then you are mine, and I am yours." She said and there was nothing else in the world that mattered more. They claimed each other. In their own way. And nobody, not cauldron, not Mother, not the whole of the Prythian would stop them. It was going to be the two of them, as long as stars would shine in the sky.