Work Text:
Holidays were always busy at the office. Between the sudden rush of year-end paperwork to process, the bouts of sickness and absences customary of wintertime, and the festive cheer buzzing in the air, it really did feel as though Dan Heng was speed-running through a whole lifetime in the span of a few short weeks.
And yet, despite all the commotion, Himeko still felt it was important for the office to have a holiday party to celebrate the last day before everyone parted ways for paid vacation. And with the holiday party came a relatively new tradition: the gift exchange.
See, Dan Heng's workplace always had a holiday party on the last day of work, as most boring 9-to-5 office workplaces did. But the year after Dan Heng joined the company, new employee March thought it would be fun to have a secret gift exchange.
"We all put our names in this hat, shuffle them around, and draw one!" she explained, shaking the red conductor's hat in her hands as she did. "If it's yourself, put it back, but otherwise, whoever is written on your slip is who you're getting a gift for. Oh, but keep it a secret! You don't want your person to know you're their gifter until we exchange at the holiday party!"
Those were the rules—simple, straightforward, and a little pointless. (Why bother with secrecy when you would find out who your giver is in the end anyways?) The first year, Dan Heng joined in only because March gave him pleading puppy eyes and honestly, he owed her for the extra work she willingly took off his plate when he hit a rough patch merely four months after she had joined the company. So he put his name in the hat and was actually somewhat delighted with the journaling kit Welt gifted him at the party—so much so that he figured joining the exchange wasn't a bad idea after all.
At first, it seemed this year's exchange would be no different than the previous four. March was still using that garish conductor's hat to hold the name slips. Everyone who had joined the original exchange had put their names in, along with some newcomers who thought it would be fun after observing the previous years' extravaganzas. And the dates were the same as ever—draw date two weeks before the workplace holiday party, which was the exchange date.
"Alrighty, pass the hat around to your left!" March chirped, handing the hat off to Bronya to start the drawing. "Remember, if you draw yourself, put the slip back in. Otherwise, no take backsies!"
One by one, employees drew slips from the hat. Dan Heng watched as it was passed around the table, until finally, Kafka passed it off to him.
Last to draw this year. He plucked the sole slip at the bottom. I wonder who is the unlucky last. He unfolded the paper, silently hoping that he got someone he knew well enough to get a decent gift, like Caelus or even Serval.
Instead, his eyes fell upon untidy scrawl spelling out a name that made his blood run cold.
Ren.
"All good, Dan Heng?" March asked. "It's not yourself, is it?"
He had half a mind to say yes, just so he would have an excuse to trade in the slip. But whoever actually had his name would be sure to speak up, which would complicate matters. So his truthful side won out, and he shook his head.
"Great!" March clapped her hands together. "Then it's settled! Remember everyone: keep your recipient a secret. You have two weeks. Happy gifting!"
Dan Heng had plenty of work to do, but all he felt like doing at the moment was sit in his cubicle and stare blankly at the name draw slip on his desk.
Ren. Ren. Why did it have to be Ren..?
Ren: a new employee to the company as of a few months ago. All things considered, Dan Heng and Ren's lives did not cross a terrible ton at the workplace. Ren worked on the south side of the office, while Dan Heng was closer to the northern end. Ren was managed by Kafka and Elio, while Dan Heng answered to Himeko and Welt. But unfortunately, Ren's onboarding meeting had not been the first time Dan Heng had seen the man. No, the truth, in fact, was much, much worse—slightly mortifying, even.
I need to get out of this.
He contemplated asking one of his office friends to switch. March was…out of the question, given she was the exchange organizer and a major stickler for its rules. Stelle and Caelus were good possibilities, but the thought of trying to explain the situation to the extremely nosy twins made his stomach churn. Asking Welt and Himeko seemed rather rude, and again, he would rather avoid having to explain the situation, even to a limited degree.
Who else…who else..?
His head suddenly snapped upward. His hands unconsciously reached for his keyboard and mouse.
Dan Heng ()
Do you want to get drinks after work?
Jing Yuan ()
???
Dan Heng ()
Yes.
Jing Yuan ()
Looking forward to it.
"You want to trade names for the gift exchange?" Jing Yuan raised an eyebrow. "Well. That's certainly not what I was expecting you to ask."
"You were expecting me to ask something?"
Jing Yuan raised his glass with a chuckle. "You don't invite me out for drinks out of the goodness of your heart, that's for sure."
Dan Heng felt a twang of guilt in his chest at that.
"Don't be so downtrodden," Jing Yuan said, as though reading his thoughts. "I'm honestly happy we're still able to talk casually like this."
"Mmn." Dan Heng rubbed the neck of his glass. "I am grateful as well."
"So, about the exchange…" Jing Yuan waved his hand. "Who did you get?"
Dan Heng stared into his glass.
"…Ren."
Jing Yuan surely would have choked if he had been drinking.
"What? Really?"
"You should know why I want to trade now."
"Do I really?" Jing Yuan huffed in amusement. "You know, you should be ecstatic about this opportunity! It's as if the aeons are giving you a second chance!"
"Second chance at what?"
"To ask him out, of course."
There it was: the one thing Dan Heng had been dreading to hear. In fact, it irked him so much that he nearly slammed his glass on the table.
"I am not still in love with my high school crush, Jing Yuan."
Jing Yuan—longtime school friend of Dan Heng's—scoffed. "Could have fooled me. It's been seven months since he's joined the company, yet you still refuse to make more than five seconds of eye contact with him, nevertheless hold a conversation with him."
"Our work does not intersect or overlap often. I feel no need to."
"You didn't show up to his welcome lunch even though it was catering from that place you love."
"I was busy, so I ate at my desk."
"Face it: you are avoiding him, Dan Heng."
"Will you swap names with me or not?"
"Since when did you get this pushy!" Jing Yuan leaned back in his chair. "Hmm, I don't think I will."
Dan Heng stared at his friend. "You're serious."
"Deathly so." Jing Yuan swirled his glass. "Is it really that bad, you getting Ren? You two were so close before we all left for university. I find it hard to imagine that you wouldn't know what he likes."
"That was over a decade ago now, Jing Yuan, and he has changed a lot. I doubt he even recognizes me."
"Then make him remember."
"I'd rather not."
"Dan Heng, my dear friend." Jing Yuan pointed at the other. "This isn't as horrific as you're making it out to be. It's just a gift exchange! You do not have to overthink it. Just get him something nice and simple—something to spread some holiday cheer. You can do that, can't you?"
Dan Heng frowned. "I'm not known for cheer, Jing Yuan."
"Oh, please, you're Dan Heng. I know you'll think of something." Jing Yuan waved his hand. "Besides, do you really want to swap names with me? I have Kafka. Do you really want to try and give something to Ren's boss instead of him?"
Dan Heng thought about spider silk, long coats, and floral perfume.
"Yes."
"Lies."
"You're going to make me do this no matter what." It was a statement, not a question.
"Dan Heng, do us all a favor this year." Jing Yuan leaned forward, golden eyes flickering like headlights in a foggy forest. "Do what your teenage self could not and actually see things through to the end."
In past years, two weeks had been plenty of time for him to find a present for his exchange subject. He knew Gepard had been dabbling in artistry via his sister, so a simple painting kit seemed like an appropriate gift. Tingyun always showed up to the office wearing beautiful accessories, so adding a new bracelet to the mix seemed harmless. He and Sushang had once discussed martial arts movies they liked, so getting her a DVD copy of one they both hadn't but wanted to watch felt fitting. And, of course, Himeko was his wonderful boss, so of course he got some unique coffee beans to add to her collection.
This year, however, he felt as though he was racing against the clock and losing.
I haven't had a proper conversation with Ren since high school graduation. The thought was an immensely bitter one, considering that his teenage self at the time had been entertaining the thought of confessing to the other, and his adult self now had occupied the same meeting space as the other man on a few occasions. I know absolutely nothing about what he likes nowadays.
His current online doom-scrolling was not helping either. Everything was either too generic, too impractical, too unsuitable, too specific, or too inconsiderate. Who knew that finding a gift for your former crush turned distant coworker could be so hard?
I'll find something, he would think to himself when he forced himself to stop searching to preserve his own sanity. However, he had been telling himself that for the past six days. Time was truly running out. And to make matters worse, Jing Yuan was being incredibly unhelpful about the entire thing.
"You'll be fine. I know you'll come up with something," he would always say.
So for the sake of not looking like an utter fool in front of all his coworkers, Dan Heng decided to resort to methods…outside of his comfort zone.
Looks like Stelle was right, he thought as he entered the kitchen. She really is here.
Kafka tilted her head when she spotted him.
"Oh? It's you."
He nodded in greeting. "Good afternoon, Kafka."
"Good afternoon. Fancy a coffee or a tea?"
"Tea, but I can get it myself."
Kafka waved her hand, shooing him away from the machines. "Allow me. You can offload whatever's on your mind as you wait."
Ah, no wonder Dan Heng had never been a massive fan of one-on-one conversations with Kafka: she truly had a knack of seeing right through people.
No use in hiding it, I suppose.
"…Can you tell me anything about Ren?"
Kafka hummed. "For the gift exchange, I presume?"
"Can you?"
"Hm, well, I could." She tapped on the machine. A stream of hot water began filling the mug in her hand. "But it would be rather silly of me to do, don't you think?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you two have a history, don't you?"
Dan Heng remained silent.
"I was simply guessing, but the answer is written all over your face." She opened a drawer, fingers filing through the various tea bag selections before her. "Why bother confirming what you already know with a stranger?"
"I don't know anything," he murmured.
A magenta eyebrow rose. "Do you really?"
"I…" He swallowed. "I don't. Not anymore."
"You say that, but do you truly believe it?" Kafka plucked a packet from the lineup and tore it open. "Lying to yourself will not make your problems go away." She dunked the teabag in the water. "And it won't make finding a present any easier." She slid the mug across the counter. "There you go."
He eyed the tag on the tea bag. She picked my favorite of the ones here…
"Think on that a bit, Dan Heng." She brushed past him, allowing the scent of coffee mixed with flowers to tickle his nose.
The tea was at the perfect temperature for drinking by the time he arrived at his desk.
When Dan Heng was in high school, he had admittedly been a bit of a heartbreaker. Jing Yuan would argue he was still one now—sporting handsome looks, but refusing to pay so much as a thought towards romantic prospects. But unlike his current adult self, his teenage self had an exception to the last part: the new transfer student, Ren, as he liked to be called.
All things considered, he should have hated Ren—a boastful, arrogant classmate who had matured a little earlier than his peers, giving him an unfair advantage in the looks department. When Jingliu introduced him to Dan Heng and Jing Yuan's friend group, Ren made it a mission to make a lasting impression on the others, which should have irked him, but, for some reason, didn't.
Looking back on it, Dan Heng could now see that he had, like a fool, developed a puppy dog crush on Ren in the span of a few short months. In fact, the school years he spent with Ren truly felt like the best years of his life, when all was said and done.
However, everyone in the group had chosen a different venture to pursue after graduation, and so the frequency of their communication fizzled to bare bones to nothingness. It was honestly a surprise that Dan Heng managed to stay in contact with Jing Yuan throughout that time.
Ren, on the other hand, had gone to another country for his studies, and so Dan Heng did not hear from nor see the other man in the time that followed.
And now he works at the same company as me. Dan Heng stared at the ceiling of his bedroom. What a twist of fate.
But to be honest, the Ren he had met seven months ago was completely different from the Ren he had known as a teenager—so much so that Dan Heng did not even recognize the other at first. Teenage Ren was bright, smiley, and boastful. Adult Ren was subdued, frowny, and reserved. Teenage Ren wore his hair up. Adult Ren let it freely flow behind him. Teenage Ren always pestered Dan Heng whenever he found the opportunity to do so. Adult Ren had never spoken to Dan Heng even during the very few meetings they had both been a part of.
Aeons, he really has changed. Whether it was for the better or worse, Dan Heng had insufficient information to draw a proper conclusion. It would be so much easier if I was eighteen again. I could have gotten him something to help him study for history, or a new hair pin, or something fun for him to tinker with or put together…
The thought made him sit up in his bed.
Put together? Craft..?
Kafka's gaze and Jing Yuan's laugh entered his mind. He swatted them away in an instant, mind honing in on the memory of a wide smile breaking out on a sunny face as a boy showed him a mechanical fish.
Crafting…
Dan Heng jolted out of bed, rapidly tapping on his computer keyboard to wake it up.
Maybe..?
The holiday work party was going…as it normally would. Welt prepared the hot cocoa bar, Himeko and Kafka set out several trays of cookies, and Jing Yuan rallied the workers into the kitchen. All attendees were thus mingling about, enjoying their free treats and preparing to detach themselves from work for at least two weeks.
"Well, since the day is due to end in roughly an hour," March said towards the end, "I think now is a good time for the gift exchange! Everyone, please gather around the table here and we'll get started!"
Within a few short minutes, all participants had joined March to kick off the exchange.
"I say we start with Mr. Yang and go clockwise from there," March decided. "Mr. Yang, please find the present with your name on it and open it! And if your gifter would like to reveal themselves, they may."
Welt pushed his glasses up his nose and reached forward to start the event.
One by one, presents were retrieved and opened. Welt got an animation book from Bronya. Fu Xuan got a paper shadow box from Tingyun. Stelle got an egg cooker machine from Serval. And on and on and on.
"Silver Wolf, you're up," March chirped.
"Yeah, yeah." Silver Wolf nabbed the bag with her name on it. "It better be something good," she mumbled to herself as she reached inside. Dan Heng caught Kafka's eyebrows shooting upward when Silver Wolf pulled out a plushie of a girl holding a holographic sword.
Caelus' eyes lit up. "Wait, isn't that..?"
"No way." Silver Wolf looked around the circle. "I don't play this at work. Who..?" Her eyes narrowed in Kafka's direction. "Don't tell me…"
Kafka raised her hands. "I'm innocent here." Her gaze slanted downward. "But I must say, your gifter paid more attention than I thought he would."
Ren grunted in response.
"I should've known," Silver Wolf muttered. "Alright, just for that, I give it a 2 out of 5." But she hugged the plushie close to her chest and buried the bottom of her face in its head to obscure her expression, slapping Caelus' hand away when he tried to reach for it.
March cleared her throat. "Alright, well, you're up next, Ren."
Ren leaned forward, crimson eyes scanning the remaining gifts on the table. He then snatched up the bag with his name and leaned back to open it. Dan Heng held his breath as the tissue paper was taken out, waiting for Ren to finally reach in and—
Ren stared into the bag, eyes slowly widening.
"What is it?" Silver Wolf asked. "Cat got your tongue? Show it, man."
As commanded, Ren reached inside and took out a box, holding it out for everyone else to see.
Fu Xuan's expression lit up in an instant. "Isn't that a Creation Furnace brand model kit?"
"Ooo, it is!" Sushang leaned forward to examine the box. "It's a really complex one too. Must have cost quite a bit—Creation Furnace's stuff doesn't come cheap!"
Silver Wolf looked over at Ren. "Do you even make models?"
"I used to," Ren admitted. "It's been a while, though."
"Huh." Silver Wolf nodded. "Sounds like someone made a lucky guess about you."
"Speaking of!" March clapped her hands together. "Does, uh. Does Ren's gifter want to come forward? Totally optional, of course!"
Dan Heng could feel Jing Yuan and Kafka's knowing gazes on him.
It's optional, his brain echoed. But his mouth opened of its own accord.
"You haven't made an Aurumaton Gatekeeper at least, right?"
All heads turned towards Dan Heng, their sights honing in on him. But all Dan Heng could see, hear, feel was Ren's eyes gazing into his own. They remained locked in a stalemate for a few…seconds? Minutes? Hours? Dan Heng could not really tell, nor did he really care.
Eventually, Ren spoke.
"I haven't."
"Good." Dan Heng raised his hot cocoa to his lips. "Then I made a good guess after all."
A chorus of muttering quickly followed, only to be hushed by March.
"Alrighty, onto the next! Err, Kafka, it's your turn!"
Dan Heng remained quiet for the majority of the duration of the gift exchange, but the entire time, he couldn't quite shake off the feeling of crimson eyes gazing at him—not with malice or contempt, but with…familiarity.
Stelle was still at her desk by the time Dan Heng finished packing up his things, so he stopped by.
"Thanks again for the book," he said. "The illustrations are beautiful. I'm looking forward to diving into it."
Stelle flashed him a smile. "I'm glad you like it. Maybe next year, we can geek out about the stars together over lunch."
"Perhaps."
"Speaking of which!" Caelus nudged Dan Heng's side. "We're going out for dinner right now. Care to join in?"
"March is coming too," Stelle added.
Dan Heng shook his head. "You three go on ahead. "
"Aw, you sure bud?"
"I have other plans. Have fun at dinner. Happy holidays."
Stelle nodded. "Happy holidays to you too, Dan Heng."
"See you next year!" Caelus said with a wave.
Yes, other plans. Dan Heng sighed to himself as he left the office and walked towards the train station. The plans being sitting at home and reading through this new constellations book from secret gifter Stelle. He scanned his pass and stepped onto the platform, noting the wait time listed on the sign above. Just need to wait seven minutes, go down seven stops, and do a seven minute walk, and then my vacation officially begins.
"Dan Heng."
The sound of his name made him spin around in an instant. Crimson eyes looked back at him, peeking out between black fringe.
"Ren?"
Ren's gaze flickered between him and the sign. "Where are you headed?"
"Home."
"Home?" The man came to a stop directly in front of him.
Dan Heng turned towards the tracks. "Yeah."
"…You remembered."
The subject change took Dan Heng aback.
"Remembered?"
"The model kit. You remembered."
Dan Heng swallowed.
"I didn't know you stopped making them."
"I simply didn't have the time, space, or funds for them once I hit college," Ren answered. "But I never stopped liking them." He paused. "Did you recognize me? When I joined earlier this year."
Dan Heng shook his head. "Not at first. You've, uh. You've changed quite a bit."
"Hmph, I guess I have. Jing Yuan hasn't, though."
"Yeah, he's mostly the same." Dan Heng sighed. "Can't say the same for myself."
"Is that what you think?"
Dan Heng huffed. "I doubt Jingliu and Baiheng would recognize me if they saw me now."
"I recognized you."
Dan Heng turned. Ren was looking at the train tracks.
"You did?"
Ren nodded. "You may have cut your hair and gotten glasses, but you're still you." He turned his head. "I will always be able to recognize you."
Suddenly, Dan Heng felt as though he was being ripped away from train platform and shoved into the body of his utterly embarrassing teenage self—the one who would feel butterflies whenever he brushed hands with Ren, the one who would spend hours daydreaming about moonlit getaways in Ren's truck instead of studying for his next exam, the one who would listen attentively as Ren yabbered on about his latest project or whatever else he was tinkering with.
"Then why didn't you come talk to me?"
Ren shrugged. "I could say the same."
"I…" Dan Heng pursed his lips. "I didn't want to make things awkward."
"Hmm, I suppose I was the same." Ren sighed. "Ah, if my younger self saw me now, he would call me an utter coward for not doing this sooner."
"This?"
"Coming up to you. Chatting with you freely like this."
When Dan Heng's eyes closed to blink, he could see a bright, sunny smile looking back at him, framed by the interior of a run-down truck cruising down the shoreline, taking them to who knows where.
A bitter laugh crawled up Dan Heng's throat. "I guess we're really not in high school anymore."
"We're not," Ren agreed.
The speakers above them blared to life, broadcasting the arrival of the next train.
"That's yours, isn't it?"
Dan Heng nodded.
"Then you should go." Ren lifted the gift bag in his hand. "Thank you for the Aurumaton, Dan Heng."
Dan Heng froze as he watched a smile—not a tense one, not a false one, not a sad one, but a real, genuine, sunny smile—form on the other man's face.
"Enjoy your holiday."
Lying to yourself will not make your problems go away.
"…Ren."
The train tracks rumbled.
The aeons are giving you a second chance.
"Ren, wait."
Ren raised an eyebrow. Dan Heng swallowed.
Do what your teenage self could not and actually see things through to the end.
"Would you like to come over?"
The train pulled into the station with a loud squeal and a gust of wind that ruffled their hair and coats. The doors slid open to allow passengers to clamor off. And through it all, Ren was still smiling.
"I don't have any plans," Dan Heng clarified. "So if you'd like…" He jolted when he felt a hand on his back.
"Lead the way," Ren said.
Dan Heng inhaled, hoping that the gesture would help quell the tingling crawling up his spine and coursing through his nerves as Ren ushered him onto the train. But he couldn't help but lean back into Ren's touch a little as they strode forward.
Alright. He closed his eyes. Maybe I am still in love with my high school crush.