Work Text:
'Twas the night before Smissmas, when all through the base,
Not a person was stirring, not even their face;
The stockings were hung in the rec room with care,
In hopes the great Saxton soon would be there;
The mercs were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of weaponry danced in their heads;
From Scout in his PJ's to Spy in his mask,
All had settled their brains from their long fighting tasks,
When atop of the base there arose such a clatter,
They all woke from their beds to see what was the matter.
Away to the window they flew like a flash,
Tore open the windows, and all gave a gasp -
The moon on the hills of the dust-ridden land,
Gave a lustre of midday to things of the sand,
When what to their wondering eyes did appear,
But Saxton Hale dressed in his his khakis so dear.
A beefy Australian so lively and quick,
They saw in a moment his mustache was thick.
Bigger than life, his muscles were proud,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them out loud:
"Now, Soldier! now, Demo! now Pyro and Heavy!
On, Sniper and Spy! on, Medic! on, Engie!
And don't think that I've forgotten you, Scout!
Saxton Hale doesn't leave anyone out!"
The mercs all stared, their mouths were agape;
And then, before any of them could escape,
Saxton came roaring right into their base
With a big smile plastered all over his face -
And then, in a twinkling, they heard the man say,
As he drew in his breath, and was turning their way,
"Weapons and ammo, and all kinds of perks,
For those who this year have been very good mercs!
Mann Co brand arms and other good things,
All you could want, I'm happy to bring!"
His eyes—how they twinkled! his mustache, how merry!,
And over his shoulder, a large sack he carried.
He smiled as if the mercs should have known better,
He gave each one a present, right down to the letter -
For Scout, a new bat, and for Pyro, a lighter,
And Soldier a uniform (which made him feel tigher) -
For Demo, a pack of potassium sulfate,
For Engie, some metal, for Heavy, a chess game;
To Medic he gave some strange things in a jar,
Filled with a fluid that smelled from afar;
To Spy, he gave cigarettes encased in leather,
And to Sniper, a koala toy stuffed with feathers.
Then with a wink of his eye and twist of his head -
that had the mercs wondering if they'd end up dead -
Saxton just laughed and then turned with a smile,
For he knew he'd only come for a while.
Then laying his finger inside of his nose,
Saxton gave a good pick (or at least, we suppose) -
Then he sprang to his feet, and called with a yell,
"I'm going now, Reddy! I'm off, Bidwell!"
But the mercs heard him say, ere he drove out of sight—
“Happy Smissmas to all, and give all a good fight!"