Chapter Text
One, two... and done. All clothes stored away, washing utensils neatly placed above the sink, a comfy oversized hoodie and pyjama shorts hugging your spent limbs. Now you truly felt like being back at home. Or in other words, back at Tokyo Jujutsu High.
It'd been months, basically the entire summer that you'd been abroad, investigating and exorcising a series of cursed spirits in eastern europe. Usually their occurence outside japan was rare, but this season had been especially busy.
The fact that you in particular had been chosen to take on an international mission hadn't been that surprising, actually. You'd always had a profound love for linguistics and culture, so you'd acquired some very helpful language skills during the past few years. On top of that, you were fortunate enough to be ranked a grade 1 sorcerer already, meaning the principal was granting you a high amount of trust. Needless to say, you were more than glad to have met his expectations once again by finishing up a week sooner than planned.
Breathing a heartfelt sigh you planted yourself on your bed, arms crossed behind your head. Through the window to your right the night sky waved into your little barrack room like a mysterious black ocean, the moon and its ornament of stars the only light source to brighten up the darkness.
Since you figured everyone else was fast asleep by now, you'd postponed the usual Hi-I'm-Back to the following day. You'd been missing them all quite a bit, honestly. Albeit it not being your first mission outside japan, this one certainly had been the longest one. And your comrades were no doubt your most beloved circle of people.
However, to say you'd been missing everyone equally wasn't the entire truth either...
There had been a clear overplus of thoughts running around Suguru. Like pretty much all the time, to be fair. Because well, Suguru was more than a comrade to you. More than a friend, even, if you let that romantic longing of your heart have a say.
After all, he'd been the one to bring you to Jujutsu High as a teenager, introducing you to this world of sorcery and helping you to find a purpose, friends and ultimately yourself in here.
It'd been around five years ago, during one of his first missions, when a curse had been lurking in your village. For several weeks a storm had been raging down the streets, one that'd caused the death of several locals and then finally came to an end.
Your fellow folk hadn't known the reasons for it, most of them probably hadn't even noticed that young boy walking by. Yet all of them had been beyond pleased about the renewed state of calm.
For you though, Suguru's work had been like a wake-up call. Because - in contrast to everyone else - you'd actually seen this hole-littered monster jumping from building to building all the time. Just like you'd seen other monsters in other places before. To watch Suguru fight that blue abnormity, mushing its deformed shape into an energy vortex, barely the size of his palm, had eventually made you realize that, throughout all those years of feeling like a freak, nothing had been wrong with you. The simple truth was just that no other person in your village had possessed any type of sorcery skills. Therefore none of them had known about the existence of curses or perceived all these menacing creatures like you had.
However, in that one very special moment suddenly someone new had entered your life. Someone with dark hair and a soft smile who'd seen you for who you really were. Suguru had recognised your potential and your brave heart in the blink of an eye, naturally devoting himself to protect and nourish both.
Nowadays, without the intention to exaggerate, he proved to be your biggest comfort in human shape. You could always turn to him, could always count on his support. Suguru was like a treasure to have, basically. And inevitably, before you'd even been able to fully grasp it, you'd also developed a very heavy crush on him.
So yeah, long story short, it'd been tough to be seperated from Suguru for such a long time. You'd been thinking of him every single hour during your mission, missing the sight of him and the sound of his voice, the way he made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside just by being around.
Aside that, you'd been losing yourself to the rumination if he was doing alright or not...
Because since that day of Riko Amanai's death one year ago, his smile seemed to be fading, noticeably.
In spite of all the times he'd lent you an ear in the past, though, Suguru had preferred to deal with his own struggles silently. Never had a single string of his thoughts leaked out, never had he reached out to you for help. As far as you were aware of, he hadn't even talked about it with Satoru in much detail. And Satoru had been his mission parter back then - and more importantly, has always been his best friend.
Nonetheless, you knew Suguru's confrontation with the man called Toji Fushiguro and the fatality of becoming a witness to the religious crimes behind that mission had changed him, one way or another. You'd started spotting the fleeting frowns that manifested on his face each time he came back from another mission. You'd started noticing that he kept getting more... quiet. Those details had made you realize that something was off, regardless of how he continued to fulfill his duties as a sorcerer day after day, like nothing had ever happened.
Of course you'd tried to dig deeper, inquiring about his emotional state in between training, sometimes even multiple times a day. But constantly, Suguru had been quick to dodge your attempts, an imitation of his real smile stuck on his face as he'd played things down.
“Just didn't sleep well last night.” - “Just a bit of stress, that's all.” - “There's nothing to worry about, but thanks for asking, little shooting star.”
You hadn't dared to expose his worn-out condition to your mutual friends without his knowledge, so eventually you'd ended up convincing yourself that if there was something he really couldn't handle on his own, he'd ultimately open up to someone.
Who knew, maybe things had already changed for the better over the summer. Maybe these recent months had been kind to Suguru. Maybe...
Your inner monologue fell mute when you suddenly heard a pair of feet shuffling outside your room. Even with the door closed, you could sense the gait being sluggish, exhaustion wrapped in each step. It felt as if the person walking by had to muster all their strength to not just flop down and give up.
In an instant your heart skipped a beat. You jumped up from the bed and to your feet, then rushed to the entrance of your room within mere seconds. There was only one other sorcerer residing at the end of this corridor.
While clicking on the light switch beside you, you opened the sliding door to the hallway, eyes blinking before they quickly flashed towards a tall silhouette.
It was indeed Suguru.
He was just one step past your doorframe, wearing a simple white shirt and black sweatpants. No socks, no shoes. His hair was open, a silky river running down his back, and some of the strands were dripping with water - an indication that he came straight out of the shower.
Albeit it was his backside you were facing, you recognised that immediate flinch going through his body at the sudden change of lighting.
... or perhaps what had Suguru actually startled was the realization of not being alone and unobserved anymore.
You called out his name, and the sound of your voice made your comrade turn around until the focus of his gaze met yours. Automatically his features softened. For a single moment a trace of profound relief danced on the otherwise so flat expression.
“Oh, you're back... already,” Suguru stated, greeting you with a weak smile that was still enough to make you feel all sorts of things. At the same time his hands snaked into the pockets of his sweatpants.
“Yeah, I am. Just arrived like an hour ago.”
Your attention skimmed over his appearance again, taking in more details, those only visible to the second glance, not the first one. The emotions battling within your chest, excitement and concern specifically, soon drifted heavily towards the latter.
Suguru looked blue. So much more compared to when you'd left. Sadly, that wasn't just a trick of the dim lighting, although he might've said so if you'd asked. But the dark circles under his eyes were too evident, the gauntness of his beautiful face too real to be concealed by a lie.
He'd been losing weight. Though it seemed like he'd lost even more than that over the past few months. Himself, maybe, to be entirely honest. It broke your heart.
How many days in a row had Suguru trotted through this hallway now, at the exact same hour and with a heaviness in his bones that was practically wilting him from the inside?
The idea of him spending only one more night like this, alone in his room and drowning beneath all that inner pain made your guts twist in rebellion. His emotional state had worsened, drastically, and you had to catch hold of him. Now. Somehow.
That muscle in your ribcage ached with the wish to just crawl into his arms, physically putting his broken pieces back together with a hug, or more. A girlfriend would've done so, undoubtedly.
As a friend, however, all you could do was to offer his drained mind a space of calm and quiet for a while, the chance to feel just an inch less lonely. In your opinion, still better than nothing.
“Hey uhm... wanna come in for a sec?” you hence asked, casually gesturing into your room. “I expected everyone to be asleep, but it'd be nice to talk for a bit. I've been missing you... all.”
Suguru stayed silent at first, let his eyes flick from your face to the comfort of your room and back. With a wry smirk curling his lips, he then replied, “A girl like you shouldn't be with me at this hour, little shooting star. I couldn't promise I'd act like the good guy tonight.”
His warning had the most contrary effect, as a nice wave of heat settled below your stomach. Unfortunately though, you already knew there was no hope for Suguru to actually commit to his words. It wasn't the first time he threw a little tease in your direction, after all. But other than that, he'd never made a real move to get beyond your platonic stage of friendship. Sadly.
“C'mon, a girl like me knows how to defend herself... if she wants to,” you tossed back.
Suguru let off a small snort, yet didn't follow up with anything.
You wished to be brave enough to tell him how much you were actually craving his touch. But matter of fact, you'd never dare to risk the bond you had with Suguru by making a genuine confession. There was still the chance that, to him at least, those moments were just a joke among friends.
Meaning he'll never find out how often you'd tried to resemble his warmth in those lonely hours abroad. How you'd, on innocent nights, imagined the pillow you'd been hugging in your sleep to be him. Or, on more desperate ones, pictured his face on the same cushion, but stuffed somewhere else instead as you'd brought yourself to sweet satisfaction.
No, he'll never know. You'd already accepted that these things would forever remain a lovely little fantasy of yours.
“So...?” Your questioning gaze on Suguru was persistent while you leaned against the doorframe, the open space just waiting for him to walk in. You watched him swallow, as if forbidding himself to give in, or to indulge in an idea that tried to capture his own thoughts.
“No, seriously,” he finally retorted. “You just came back from your mission, I bet you're tired. Let's talk in the morning, alright?”
His concern about your sleep, the irony of it considering he looked way more tired and obviously hadn't slept well in days - maybe even weeks - himself, was definitely nothing to diminish your worries.
“Going on missions is what we do all the time, Suguru. Doesn't mean we can't spend the time in between with one another.”
Something in those dark, deep eyes turned hollow at your words. Suguru's shoulders sagged even more, weary and apathetic. Oddly enough the stance reminded you of a puppet on cracked strings.
“Right, that's just what we do, isn't it...” you heard him mumble, though it didn't sound quite like him.
The sorrow creeping into his voice made your emotions tremble. You had no idea what was really going on inside of him, but this much was clear - there was no way you could just let him leave. Not this time. Not tonight.
“Just get in already,” you said, as you seized his forearm to put determination behind your plea. The skin contact made your heart stumble for a moment. You tried to ignore it. “Let me at least dry and comb your hair. Otherwise it'll be a tangled mess in the morning, and I won't be able to sleep anyway knowing so.”
Suguru surrendered to your soft pull, stepping alongside you into the room. Maybe he was willing to spare a few minutes for the sake of your restful slumber, maybe he thought back to those days when you combing his hair had been a tradition of sorts. Or maybe he just wasn't strong enough to argue right now.
His reasons didn't matter much, you concluded, as you closed the door behind him. The only important aspect was that he stayed. So you released his arm to go grab your blowdryer and a brush from the bathroom.
Suguru was still standing at the exact same spot when you came back.
Thus, as if to give him an example, you plopped yourself on the futon bed, whereas your thoughts couldn't stop spinning around the question how and when exactly things had gotten so much worse.
Forcing a casual smile, you patted the square of blanket right in front of you. “My bed doesn't bite, y'know. Neither do I.”
You'd expected - or rather hoped - to get a smirk in return, maybe even a cheeky comment. You didn't. Instead you felt Suguru's gaze linger for just half a blink longer on your face than necessary, with an emotion in his eyes that you weren't able to fully define.
Eventually he heaved his weight on the spot where your gesture had pointed at, denting the solid material just a bit.
You plugged in the blowdryer, and for the next several minutes there was only the rustling of warm air, your fingers running through Suguru's strands and your inner turmoil about his state. Then, when everything was dry, and when there wasn't any background noise anymore, you set off the conversation burning under your nails.
“So... how was the summer over here?”
Suguru shrugged, so weakly it might've been easily overlooked. “Busy,” he replied. “Curses have been springing up like maggots. How about europe?”
You picked up the brush, beginning to work through the tips of his hair. “Quite the same. Most of them were lower grades, luckily, but I'm glad to be back nonetheless. It felt quite lonesome there without you all.”
A hum waved to your ears, followed by “I'm really glad you're back, too, little shooting star.” and your heart stumbled once again.
Moving to an upper section, you drew the brush all the way down, admiring the raven-like shine that blossomed before your face. You'd always loved Suguru's hair. Back then, when you'd both been teenagers, you'd asked him once with sparkling eyes if you may comb it, and he'd let you. Moreso, because he'd enjoyed it just as much, it'd become a rather frequent thing.
You didn't know why he'd asked to stop your precious tradition eventually. Maybe because Satoru had witnessed it, and had then nonchalantly squeezed himself in between to have his hair taken care of as well - ironically, since he'd always worn it short. Either way, your guess was that Suguru had felt embarrassed, whether it'd been in front of his best friend, or by him.
You'd almost forgotten how relaxing it was to have that smooth black stream falling against your palm.
“And... how was your summer?” you continued. “Like, personally.”
Only after a quite long pause, Suguru answered, “Hm, alright.”
A sigh escaped your lips, the puff of air inevitably mingling with the fabric of Suguru's shirt.
“Alright...” you repeated, close to a question. Well, he clearly didn't look alright.
Whilst plucking out the hair that had gotten caught in the brush - which was more than it should've been, a sign for nutrient deficiency - you inquired, “Have you been eating properly? I mean, you've told me once what cursed spirits taste like. Considering how many you had to absorb recently... I'd understand if it was hard to eat normal stuff as well.”
There was a dry laugh. “Yeah, it's not really the best appetizer, I suppose.”
After that Suguru fell mute again. The subsequent quietness spreading in the room made your chest constrict.
His soul was torn apart, suffering, the energy withdrawn from his muscles, yet he still didn't ask for help. And it hurt. It hurt so much to see him like this.
Hands and brush dropped into your lap. Your voice was soft when you raised it this time, a gentle breeze against his back. But you had to speak the truth, at last.
“Suguru, I'm not gonna lie, I'm worried about you. You don't seem like yourself. I haven't been here these past months, which I seriously come to regret. But I see it. And I'm here now. Please, let me be there for you! Talk to me! I—”
I love you.
“I... need you. We all do!”
Heaviness sank into your comrade's breath, agony filling each of his in- and exhales. For a good minute, it was the only sound audible in your room.
“Why do you keep exorcising curses?” Suguru asked then, all of a sudden.
His question was somewhat of a surprise, though you noticed the urge in his tone, that hint of dispair. He was begging for a serious answer. Thus you genuinely thought about it.
“Well, I'd say there are different reasons. But... if I'm being completely honest, I guess it all comes down to this... because you showed me how to. Thing is, I haven't been quite happy as a kid. I've always felt like some sort of freak, because I saw things others didn't. Horrifying things. But then we've met,” your head tilted sideways at the memory, something Suguru didn't see of course, “you taught me about curses and brought me here. Your support, this place and the duties we fulfill as sorcerers made this feeling of being weird gradually turn into a feeling of being special. And needed. I wouldn't want to give this up for anything.”
The room filled with silence once more, and the shoulders that had been eased by the combing earlier tensed back up.
“Because of me...” Suguru murmured, while his body pivoted. You saw something sour tugging at his expression when your gaze caught his face. If you'd had to interprete it, you would've said it was guilt.
“But... you could get hurt. You could've been hurt. Didn't you ever question if all of this is even worth it? If those monkeys actually deserve it that we keep risking our lifes for them?”
The thought alone was so untypical for Suguru, so far from the moral-driven man whose highest principle had always been to protect the weak, that it made you shiver. Heck, the word monkey as a description for non-sorcerers practically rang like a linguistic smirch in his vocabulary.
But somehow you had an idea at what occasion he'd picked it up. And from who.
“Is this about Riko's death?”
Suguru flinched at the sound of the girl's name. The silent pain in his eyes confirmed your assumption before his mouth did.
“Y'know,” he confessed then, head hanging low. “Ever since that day I've been telling myself I understood the ugliness of the masses, and still chose to be a jujutsu sorcerer to save others. But lately it's getting harder. To see the point of it all. To fight back my doubts.” His knuckles clenched around the sheets. “It gets so much harder every single day.”
By the edge in his voice you realized how lost he'd really felt during these past months.
“Suguru...” you tried, without finishing. Because out of nowhere Suguru's spirits lifted.
“But today I've met someone,” he spoke. His fists loosened up. “Someone who might've shown me a way out.”
“A way out?” you asked. Regardless of his change in posture, you were sceptical.
Suguru nodded, half-absent, as if he was talking to himself. “What if there's a way to stop curses from being born in the first place? Why are we still chasing after the dead leaves when we could just cut the roots instead?”
The moment his eyes finally locked with yours, you saw a spark of hope swimming in his black orbs. “Curses are only born from non-sorcerers, right? Which ultimately means, it's not impossible to end this marathon game.”
It felt like a punch, the conclusion his words implied.
“No...” you breathed in shock. “Kill all non-sorcerers?”
That was straight-up mass murder. And moreso, the brutal opposite to everything Suguru was standing for, as a sorcerer, and as a man. It felt like a sick joke coming out of his mouth.
You couldn't help but wonder if his unique form of fighting did actually more to him than he was aware of. Cursed spirits were a bulk of negative energy, after all. And he'd most probably absorbed dozens of them over just one summer.
There was no way he'd really thought this through.
“So you're ready to kill innocent families? Children?” A pause. “Your own parents?”
Suguru's gaze seeked after the blanket again. He couldn't look at you while saying these next words, yet he didn't back down either. His voice came out quiet.
“I can't make any exceptions. It's the only way I can assure our comrades will be safe. It's the only way I can assure you will be safe.”
“No, you can't be serious!” you countered immediately. “Suguru, this isn't the real you talking!”
God, it scared you how much he seemed to be caught up in this absurd plan already. How much he was willing to sacrifice.
“How do you know? Maybe I'm not as good of a person as you think I am.”
His fingers were shaking, you noticed. Deep down he must've known that his intent was wrong.
Maybe the part of Suguru that despised non-sorcerers and the part rejecting that feeling - those two forces battling within him - were still similarly strong tonight. But if he couldn't find another solution soon, it felt obvious which side would win.
Because he was at a cliff right now. And in the end, if he didn't want to fall into the abyss of hopelessness, his only other option was to grow a pair of wings. Black ones. And with those he'd consequently fly away from you, his friends and everything connecting him to the sorcerer society.
You acted out of instinct when you clasped his hands, causing your and his knuckles to melt together. Suguru felt colder than he should have. Your chest warmed at the touch nonetheless.
However, that glimmer of sentiment had to be swallowed back down. This moment wasn't about your own feelings. It was merely a way to keep hold of him, physically. To guide him back to the green grass on the other side of that cliff. Just like any good friend would do.
“Hey, listen, I understand it's been hard,” you told him, gently squeezing his digits. “I get that this path appears like the only way out right now. But please, you don't have to deal with all of that by yourself. I'm here for you, always. Just like you've always been there for me as well. And trust me, you're a good soul. A good soul that's broken is still a good soul.”
Dark eyes fixed on your intertwined fingers. It felt like Suguru was clinging himself to your words and hands equally desperate, as your name poured from his lips in a whisper.
For the sole reason of tapping the spot to your right, you freed yourself from his grip. “C'mere, let's try to figure things out together. And if we don't manage tonight, we'll find a solution tomorrow. Or the day after.” Your gaze searched for his, pleading. “Just... don't leave me, okay?”
Suddenly it twitched at the corner of Suguru's mouth. A weak smirk, one that had both flirt and resignation embedded into it. But a smirk anyway.
“You really want me to spend the whole night here, hm? What if I said no? Would you consider tying me to your bed in such a case?”
At the sound of temptation your mind ran wild, you simply couldn't help it. All the nice things you could do with him if he was cuffed at your bedframe, splayed out... undressed...
God, you had to internally slap yourself in order to remain a casual tone.
“Well, I've hoped you'd stay on your own accord. Though I'm willing to improvise if I have to.”
Suguru snorted. His following reply rang a little too sincere to help calming down your desires.
“No, you really wouldn't have to force me under those sheets.”
He scooted closer, until his shoulders rested against the wall, and as if there was a magnetic pull your right hand found back together with his left one, sending a prickle across your entire palm. Just like it prickled under your hoodie where your arms touched. He already felt a hint warmer than before.
“Guess now I'm all yours,” Suguru mumbled. “What exactly are your plans from this point onwards, little shooting star?”
A very good question, actually. You'd had a thought in reach just moments ago, however it threatened to evaporate as soon as you sensed a glance of his roving up your leg. The pyjama shorts didn't hide much, barely the half of your upper thigh, and noticing how that detail naturally attracted Suguru's attention made the areas just a bit higher rapidly rise in temperature.
Much to your dismay you also remembered all of a sudden that you didn't wear anything underneath that small piece of fabric, yet alone a bra. There was just so little seperating Suguru from your body right now...
“I—uhm,” you stammered.
Vigorously you shook your head. Now was certainly not the time for that type of thoughts. All Suguru needed tonight was a friend to talk to, right? Meaning someone really had to get her chaos of hormones under control, immediately.
“Talking,” you said finally. After clearing your throat, you mustered a full sentence. “We could talk a little more, if you're comfortable with it.”
You felt a thumb caressing the back of your hand. “Sure. Let's... talk,” Suguru agreed.
The tenderness of his fleeting touch gave you butterflies, the sweetest kind. It truly was a miracle how you managed to keep acting normal.
“Okay, so... speaking of worthiness earlier,” you began. “Like, I can't deny that there are non-sorcerers whose behavior doesn't fit into that description. There are spiteful, rotten souls amongst humanity, as heartbreaking as it is. But on the other side, we mustn't forget about all the good ones. The precious souls out there that shine so bright and warm that it feels like the world ought to be a good place only for their sake. Those are the ones we keep fighting for, Suguru. The Rikos of this world. The non-sorcerers who are just trying their best, and deserve a happy life without any fear.”
Suguru kept holding your hand like an anchor, listening, while his eyes stared at your desk up front. Probably the picture you'd hung on the wall above it was what captured his attention - a photograph showing you, him and Satoru in the schools' gym, taken about two years ago. The basketball in your grip almost seemed to slip right through your fingers, for you were hardly trying to balance your weight on Suguru's and Satoru's shoulders. But that little challenge only added to the beauty of the memory, and all of your grins looked radiant.
You squeezed his palm a little tighter, indirectly promising that this bright smile he was seeing was something to be found again, and that you, as well as Satoru, will always stay by his side.
“On that note,” you continued. “It might be true that non-sorcerers leak more cursed energy than we do. But who can really blame them for it? After all, they don't know any better. Albeit their ignorance doesn't undo the creation of curses, it does take away some of their guilt, don't you think?” Looking up at Suguru, you dared to nudge him a bit. “I mean, imagine how much cursed energy you'd leak these days if it wasn't second nature to you to control the flow?”
You heard Suguru huff. His eyes travelled towards the window as he relented, “It's a never-ending cycle, then. A large part of non-sorcerers won't ever have the needed potential, and new curses will get born one after another, no matter how many we've already exorcised. I'm just... tired.”
Without doing as much as thinking twice, you drew your free hand to Suguru's biceps, rubbing your warmth into his skin. A little shiver went through his body, but the way he leaned into your affection convinced you to stay close, snaking both of your arms around his. Soon his muscles relaxed.
“I know, Suguru, I know. But still, I'm not even certain if the lack of non-sorcerers would be a real solution either,” you raised your voice again. “Like, let's spin that wheel a little further. What would be the subsequent consequences?”
Sitting upright, you put your head on his shoulder as you started to elaborate. “First off, of course, no new curses would be born. There'd still be a bunch of already existing ones. Only once we're done exorcising all of those as well, it'd be the perfect utopia.” A sigh left your lips. “But for how long, really? Because, you see, obviously at some point there wouldn't be a reason anymore to train sorcerers. Over the decades, centuries, maybe our work would be entirely forgotten, and humanity would slowly but surely turn into an all non-sorcerer society. What if, then, somehow people will start to leak cursed energy again? What if you could eliminate cursed energy only for a certain amount of time, but not for eternity? In that case, no one would be prepared for the future ahead, or be able to protect the weak. And so, so many more people will die in the long run.”
You gave Suguru time to let the words sink in, before asking, “Or did the person you spoke to have a definite answer to that? Do you think they can promise that killing all non-sorcerers will forever eliminate every speck of cursed energy in our world?”
There was a long pause, but this time the quietness didn't feel as much of a burden as it had at the beginning of your conversation. Now it rather felt like a safe space, a chance for Suguru to finally find a way back to himself and his purpose.
“She added the necessity to force humans to adapt and become sorcerers to make it work. In combination with continuously killing non-sorcerers that'd be the simplest method,” he stated after a while. “But strangely, now that I'm reflecting on it again, it doesn't sound all that favorable anymore.”
“Sh-she?”
Without being able to prevent it, your voice swayed into a little shriek. He'd never mentioned a specific gender, but this whole time you'd kinda thought his encounter had been another male sorcerer.
“Hm, yeah. Yuki Tsukumo was her name,” Suguru explained. He didn't seem to have noticed the change in your tone. “I guess her approach was just so novel, her ideas so radical, that it felt like an escape to cling myself to it. Y'know, these recent months have been tough. Draining. I've missed you, I've missed Satoru. And most of the time, I've missed myself, too.”
The soft stroking along your knuckles resumed. “Though I'm beginning to understand that this drastic all-or-nothing path wouldn't be the right choice either. Thank you for helping me see things clearer.”
His words fell lighter than anything he'd said before, and the joy swelling within your chest had you nuzzling deeper into his sleeve. “Anytime!”
For the next several minutes you just sat there, close together, savoring the atmosphere.
“By the way, Tsukumo really had an odd personality,” Suguru reminisced then, the obervation accompanied by a chuckle. “She straight-up asked me what my type of women is, in a manner so unreserved like she was talking about the weather.”
You almost choked on your own saliva. “Oh, i-is that so? And... what did you say?” you pinched out.
With each additional second in between your question and his answer you felt your heart pounding harder against your ribcage.
“Nothing, actually,” Suguru retorted. “I was too perplexed to reply at first. After all, I didn't even know her. And I suppose she forgot to ask a second time before leaving.” Another low chuckle left his lips. “But well, would've been complicated to put it into words anyway. To simply introduce you to her would've been easier.”
Deeming his last sentence another one of his teases, you forced a laugh. “Next time, then, hm?”
“Can't come soon enough, in my opinion,” Suguru whispered, while his hand squeezed yours.
For what felt like the 1000th time, his lowkey flirting made your emotions shake. Was there more to it, by any chance? Had he really developed feelings for you, like you'd for him?
To be fair, you'd never seen him act the way he did with you around the other female sorcerers at Jujutsu High. But if so, why had there never been a single attempt to make the next step? You would've literally jumped into his arms at the mention of a date.
Or was your wishful thinking still only playing tricks with your heart?
Those rushing thoughts spun inaudibly on your mind, of course, so soon another minute of silence had passed. Then Suguru straightened, which caused your head to drop from his shoulder.
“Anyways, I think I should go grab a snack or something,” he noted. “To at least try to wash away the remnants of that last curse I've absorbed. Honestly, it's been so many recently, it feels like I can never really get rid of that bad aftertaste anymore.”
He raised his hand, and your entangled digits came up from between your bodies in the shape of a merged bundle. His eyes fell upon them like he didn't actually want to let go. You for sure knew you didn't want to let go.
“I mean, unless you can think of something else that'd help me forget and replace the taste with something sweeter, that is.”
The moment Suguru locked eyes with you, you saw that same type of emotion swimming in his gaze like when he'd climbed on the bed earlier. Maybe it was the exact same emotion that tingled through your entire body every time he was around. Maybe it'd never been anything else.
Suguru's eyes then lowered to your mouth, and for just a millisecond his tongue darted out, as if there was a burning lingering on his lips that had to be eased.
Time seemed to stop, the longing in his dark orbs only grew. There was suddenly something heavy hanging in the air, a hunger, a desire that turned the oxygen thick.
This was definitely beyond any boundaries of friendship.
As the need to feel him snapped into an ache unbearable, you quitted questioning. Instead you surrendered, palming his neck with your free hand, pulling him close.
You kissed him.
He held his breath.
Then, finally, Suguru's lips welcomed yours, eagerly, gratefully, and he melted into your mouth like a drowning man who'd just found his rescue. A desperate hand wrapped around your waist to catch more of you. A curious tongue began to brush against yours.
He tasted like belonging and a trace of mint, nothing anywhere near the rotten flavor he had to swallow every time he absorbed a curse. No, it was just Suguru, and the type of a first kiss that was better than anything you could've wished for.
After what might've been an eternity, yet far from enough, you pulled back.
“Was that helpful?” you panted. “Or do you want more?”
Suguru gulped, his breath steamy. His eyes drifted to the hand clutched in your hoodie, and instantly his grip slackened. You were afraid he'd retreat now. However, oh so slowly, Suguru's finger tips wandered down towards the hem, and a second later you felt them against your bare skin. The touch made you gasp with joy.
Watching your reaction, a smile danced on Suguru's lips. “Can I get... more?” he asked then, a husky undertone swathed in his voice.
Your nodding was as frantic as it was ecstatic, the beam on your face shining with confirmation. “Y-yeah, of course! Anything you want, Suguru! I—”
Before any more words managed to slip out, your mouth got claimed once again, meanwhile Suguru hauled you into his lap.