Chapter Text
Do you know that feeling when you've just woken up from a great dream, and all you want to do is close your eyes and be transported right back to that same dream; to just live in that dream forever and never have to wake up and come back to reality.
Well that's how he felt on this particular morning as he woke up and began to remember everything that had happened the night before. The yelling, the tears, the way she cried as she hugged him, the way she said “I’m going to stay with Cece, I can't be here…not right now” as she threw her jacket on over her pajamas, the way he watched her leave and then sat there and stared at the door hoping she would come back.
He could smell her strawberry scent on his pillows, but she wasn't there beside him like she usually was.
He opened his eyes, and seeing the spot on his bed that normally was taken up by her, empty, well it was like a dagger to his heart. He spotted a long chestnut colored strand of hair across the pillow, the pillow that she used to lay her head on and he felt something in his heart break at the thought that she may never lay her head on that pillow again.
He slammed his eyes shut, and while Nick wasn't known to be very religious he still found himself praying to any god that would listen to please transport him back to just two days ago, back when everything was good, back when they were still happy, back when she was still his.
“Fuck” he muttered under his breath as his eyes opened and he had to except that what had happened, had really happened and he couldn't undo it.
He felt the sting of tears threatening to break free, and he knew he couldn't handle that. If he started to cry now, he didn't think he would ever be able to stop. So he pulled himself up and out of bed and slowly made his way to the bathroom with the hope of seeing her in the back of his mind. Even after everything that happened last night, all he wanted was to walk into the bathroom and see her standing there in one of her pretty dresses, to hear her tell him all about her plans for her day as he brushed his teeth like she did most mornings. But when he walked into the bathroom it was empty.
He quickly went pee and then walked over to the sink, and as he was washing his hands his eyes wandered to her toothbrush knocking against his own, her hair ties and bobby pins scattered across the floor, her towel still slightly damp from her shower yesterday and the smell of strawberries wafting all around him was the final straw and he slammed the water off and basically ran back to his room, slamming the door shut behind him. A room that was normally just an ordinary bathroom seemed to be bursting at the seams with her on this particular morning.
What was he supposed to do now? He couldn't do this, he told himself as he threw his body down onto his bed.
The thought of having to continue his life without her being his was insane to him, the idea that he was never going to kiss those cherry red lips again was almost sickening to him; he would never admit this to anyone, especially now but he truly thought he was going to marry Jessica Day.
The day he met her was the best day of his life, he always knew that, and honestly he never thought anything would top her coming into his life; but then the night they first kissed happened, and then Mexico happened and then Prince’s party happened. He was in love with her and she was in love with him too, and at that point he knew that nothing could ever top that feeling, that feeling of being loved by Jessica Day.
He never imagined that that feeling would ever come to an end though. Normally he was such a pessimist, but when it came to Jess…when it came to her; no he never thought it would end. He saw everything in her eyes, everything he knew he wanted was swimming around in those big beautiful blue eyes and all he could do was lie there and wish he was staring into them now.
He ran his hand over his face, trying to get his brain to just stop for even a second but of course it wouldn't, and all he could hear was Jess’s sad little voice,
“But what if that's the only thing we have in common?”
Over and over and over and over again, he couldn't stop hearing it. He wished he could go back to that moment because he knew she was wrong…why didn't he tell her she was wrong last night? They had more than just love between them, he was sure of that; but last night happened so fast, it all just got so out of control and while he meant some of what he said, he never meant to lose her.
Jessica Day was his everything, she was like a shining star that brightened up his whole life when she showed up. She was the best person he knew, the smartest, prettiest, funniest, sweetest, most caring person he had ever come to meet. She was the complete opposite of him in almost every single way and that only made him love her more. She changed him that day when she showed up at the loft, she made him want to be a better man, made him want to try and he just couldn't believe that he wasn't meant to be with her.
“Nick?” He heard Schmidt on the other side of his door “You okay in there buddy?”
“Go away Schmidt!” Nick yelled back, but of course that wouldn't work and he watched as the door slowly creaked open and Schmidt popped his head in
“Nicholas” Schmidt smiled that sad smile Nick recognized very well, Schmidt only used that smile after Caroline, law school, and his dads funeral…it was Schmidt’s pity smile, the one that he used to say “I'm here if you need to talk”
“What did I say Schmidt?” Nick groaned and rolled over to face the wall “go away”
Schmidt didn’t leave, instead he made his way further into the room and sat on the edge of the bed “Cece called me, she told me that Jess is over there”
“I know”
“Okay...Nick she told me-”
“Schmidt” Nick cut him off before he got the chance to finish his sentence “I know, okay?” he sat up and stared at his friend “you don't have to tell me this, I know what happened okay?”
“I just want to help Nick”
“There's nothing you can do, she left” Schmidt could see the hurt plastered all over his friend's face, he had never seen him like this. With Caroline he always became this blubbering drunk mess who would need to be tackled down so he wouldn't call her and make a fool out of himself. This Nick was different, he seemed empty almost, like he had lost a part of himself. This wasn’t just a breakup Schmidt thought, this was something worse…this was a mistake.